4 Amazing Parenting Tips from Dina Friedman

I am already 3 plus months into my EXTRAORDINARY parenting class with BRILLIANT JewishMOM-mentor Dina Friedman. The Weisberg home has been running a whole lot smoother since I started this course, making my JewishMOM life tremendously easier. I wanted to share with you moms 4 amazing parenting tools from Dina…

1. Non-Sticker Chart #1, The Gibor (Hero) Chart

Dina Friedman's Famous "High-Level Choice" Chart

This is an incredibly powerful chart that has been totally transforming my kids. Here’s how it works:
1. Choose something your child is struggling with (i.e., sharing, cleaning up after herself, being patient, getting along with others, speaking respectfully to parents)
2. This is a “Non-Sticker Chart,” which means that unlike old-fashioned sticker charts, you do NOT point the chart out to your kids and say “Whoever cleans up their toys 10 afternoons in a row will receive a new doll.” Instead, you just post this chart, and don’t say a thing about it.
3. When your child makes a high-level choice, with a lot of enthusiasm and fanfare you put a star on his chart. You tell him “You could have left your toys on the ground, but you made a high level choice instead! You cleaned up! You are are a Gibor, a hero! (Dina recommends that you feel your child’s arm as though you are feeling a muscle, and tell him you can feel how he is getting so much stronger, like a real hero).
4. Do not encourage your child by saying “I’ll give you a star if you clean up…” You just wait until after she has done the good thing, and give the star with fanfare.
5. When the child completes the chart, just erase the stars and start again. There are no prizes (remember, it’s a NON-sticker chart.) I made my own kind of prize though for my younger kids. Whoever finishes the chart gets to wear a conference pin that says “I am a Hero” to nursery school. They are SO PROUD to wear that pin!

I didn’t think this Gibor Chart would work with my kids, since they are so used to sticker charts with treats or presents afterwards. But my kids are incredibly motivated and excited about getting a star on the Gibor Chart. In general, using this Gibor chart has been phenomenally effective in helping my kids overcome their various personal challenges. In fact, last week I was looking at the list of issues each child was working on during the first round of the Gibor chart, and in all cases the issue simply did not exist anymore! The star and encouragement has been a very surprisingly effective motivator! Truly incredible.

2. The Bedtime Job Non-Sticker Chart

Bedtime Jobs Chart


Dina recommends that children should have a chart including everything they need to do before they go to bed.

Above is the chart I set up for my older girls to remind them of the one thing they were forgetting to do before they go to bed–their 10-minute nightly chore. This chart has meant that I no longer need to be the nightly-chore policewoman. I cannot tell you how much I love not having to nag!

3. Bedtime Fun
Another bedtime tool I LOVE from Dina is what she calls Bedtime Fun. What you do is you stagger bedtimes so that every younger child gets 10 minutes quality time ON HIS OR HER OWN with mommy. For bedtime fun, every child chooses what he or she wants to do with Eema. My 3-year-old son, for example, likes me to watch him doing somersaults on the bed for 10 minutes. My 5-year-old daughter likes reading, especially Amelia Bedelia. I love this time since it is so fun, and also because it is guaranteed one-on-one time with my little kids. I’d like to also start doing this with my 8 and 10 year old at one point.
I so love Bedtime Fun, it’s one of the highlights of my day.

4. The Morning Routine Non-Sticker Chart

Moriah's Morning Routine Chart


This is another amazing tool which has really transformed my mornings. This is how it works:
1. Sit down with your child and make a list of everything he/she has to do in the morning
2. Make a chart, and post it in a place your kids can see it.
3. The next morning the kids use the list to get ready. No nagging allowed. Only encouragement (i.e., “Great, you have on your socks!” or “Thank you so much for getting dressed so quickly, that’s a big help so I can get to work on time!”).
4. If the child is ready on time, he or she gets to play with a certain toy or book that you reserve exclusively for mornings.

These morning charts have brought about such a wonderful change in my mornings. I’m not sure how I ever managed otherwise!

Thank you, Dina Friedman!!!!

Related posts:

The Fog I'm Lost In
Giving=Getting
Healing Parenting Guilt (8-Minute Mommy Peptalk)

14 comments

  1. Chana Jenny, I’m so glad this is working for you! I’d like to suggest similar suggestions/philosophy in a book – The Power of Positive Parenting by Glenn Latham. Many of your readers may have read it already, but I’m new to it and have found it great. Yea!!!

  2. I love the hero/gibor chart! Is there a way to get one if you are not in the class? I’m an artistic disaster so if I could purchase, as opposed to make, one, that would be ideal.
    Thanks for posting parenting ideas from the class-it’s a big help for new ideas!

  3. i have always like the so called “old fasioned” sticker charts, they really work!

  4. Did you involve your daughter in creating the morning chart or did you just draw it and explain it to her? I could really use some directions because I would like to try something like this at home!

    • JewishMOM.com

      I had a little special meeting with each of my younger children (bisli was served to make it celebratory). We made a list together of everything they had to do in the morning step by step, and then my older daughter drew the pictures on the list. If you can’t draw the pictures yourself, maybe you could print some up from the internet. And then you cover it with a plastic folder cover (called nylonit in Hebrew, anyone know what are those call in english?) and then you can just clean it off every week with a baby wipe.

  5. hi i took dina friedman class last year i find it very diffcult to follow to much information not helpfull im lost with my kids i did many chasts nothing helpd me

  6. Tamar Miller

    thank you for sharing all these techniques! i have a question about the 1st chart. do you tell your child anything about the chart? does he know that its about his struggles at all? or does he only find out about it once he has done the good deed?

    • JewishMOM.com

      hi tamar- nice to hear from you! After he does the good deed, you tell him “Great job, you made a high level choice! You could have x instead you did y!”

      bhatslacha!

  7. Hadassah Aber

    so cool that it isn’t tied to rewards at all! reminds me of a book by Marvin Marshall Discipline without rewards or punishments.

  8. Thanks for this post- I am very excited to try this with my kids. My daughter overheard my husband talking about another family that we know having a ‘chore chart” and getting small rewards. Without even trying this in our house- she has been waking up early, getting dressed, making her bed and packing her backpack. I have been thinkingof some way to acknowledge her new responsbilities and I think I have found it!

  9. Hi Jenny,

    I have tried the morning chart and it is great! I am not nagging, she is self-motivated and thinks of new ways to improve her chart each day. I loved working on it together with her. Thanks for posting this.

  10. Tamar Miller

    Hi Jenny,
    sorry this is so delayed but i’m assuming you still receive comments. i’m planning to use this Gibor Chart with my daughter…and i will probably place it in a place she will see it and ask “what is this?”. you said we should say nothing but i know she won’t buy that. how do i react? does it matter or can i reveal my intentions in doing the chart?

    • JewishMOM.com

      hi tamar, happy you are using the gibor chart! My kids also asked me what the cool new chart was on the fridge, and I didn’t tell them– until they did something that earned them a star.

  11. Tamar Miller

    Hi Jenny,
    sorry this is so delayed but i’m assuming you still receive comments. i’m planning to use this Gibor Chart with my daughter…and i will probably place it in a place she will see it and ask “what is this?”. you said we should say nothing but i know she won’t buy that. how do i react? does it matter or can i reveal my intentions in doing the chart?
    also, how long does one issue last for? and can I change it up as i see fit?…lets say I notice my daughter did a good deed which wasn’t the struggle I picked for her that day. can I give her a Gibor star?

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