The Song that Helped me Flow

For all of last week, I was totally stressed out.

Not because anything huge was going wrong. But rather because all sorts of small things were going wrong, and the snowball effect of all those minor stressors was a giant-esque, everything’s-falling-apart bellow of AAAARGH!

First, my website started crumbling apart- minor technical issue by minor technical issue…

And then I lost my credit card…

And then there was a complicated issue with the phone bill…

And then, something not so small… I noticed that I had almost run out of money to help Chagit bat Leah z”l’s family, and they would need to pay rent, tuition, bills, etc, etc. on the 1st of the month…

For the entire week, you could have played violin on my shoulder muscles.

I tried to have faith. I tried to trust in Hashem that everything would work out. I tried to not sweat the small stuff, or the big stuff either.

But the only thing that actually worked and enabled me to stay somewhat relaxed was listening to the song “Ani Shnaim Po” from Aharon Razel’s new CD “Mah Aseeta Hayom.”

The words of the chorus are:
What is my God telling me between the peaks of these two mountains?
“Look at the riverbed of the river that flowed here many years ago
Now, you need to flow!
You need to go with the flow!”
And suddenly I am flying above the void…

05 אני שניים פה by jenny18
I would listen to this song over and over. Repeat button, repeat button, repeat button.

And the song really helped me to stay sort of calm, even though everything wasn’t perfect. And even though everything wasn’t 100% OK.

It enabled me to have faith that everything is in Hashem’s hands, and to go with the flow.

And I did. I flowed.

And over the next few days of “repeat button, repeat button, repeat button” it turned out that most of the problems were solved.

And the problems that weren’t solved, I realized weren’t such a big deal at all anyway.

And most importantly, money appeared out of nowhere for Chagit bat Leah. Thousands of dollars of it to help this struggling family through this month and partway through next month too.

And I’m thinking that maybe all of this miraculous inflow of blessings arrived because I pressed the repeat button, repeat button, repeat button, and floooooowed.

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2 comments

  1. I know those days weeks of craziness- and snowball effect- sometimes letting go of our controlling way of wanting everything to work a certain way-standing back and realizing G-ds will and doing what we honestly can-without losing it- and leaving it up to Him, because after all Hes in control not us.

  2. My version of ‘ hitting the repeat button’ is standing in a corner of my room whispering, over and over, Hashem, please have mercy…. Have mercy…. Mercy…
    And then I think: He already IS being merciful, I just don’t get it yet.
    Somehow this keeps me in the flow, and not washed up on the banks.

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