Hating the Mikvah Update: Chana bat Leah’s Sad News

Hating the Mikvah Update: Chana bat Leah’s Sad News

My friend Chana bat Leah (whom you read about in Hating the Mikvah: An Infertile Woman’s Spiritual Journey) shared some very sad news with me last week.

After 6 years of waiting, Chana was beside herself with joy to find out 6 weeks ago that she was pregnant again for the 1st time since the birth of her only child. But last Wednesday night, a few hours after we Nachlaoters had a Goodbye Picnic with Chana and her family before they move on to a different community, Chana and her husband discovered that for them Tisha b’Av had arrived a few days early this year. A few hours after that picnic of hugs and high hopes, Chana and her husband were in the Shaarei Tsedek emergency room where Chana was diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy.

JewishMOMs, please pray with all your hearts for Chana bat Leah, that she should be blessed very, very soon with a healthy baby. And please pray that the ectopic pregnancy will not require the surgical removal of a fallopian tube.

So on Tisha b’Av I was surprised to receive an Email from Chana with a subject line that said, “Gratitude.” Keep reading, JewishMOMs…

Chana bat Leah writes:
On a day when we have a mitzvah to feel the brokenness of the world, I bizarrely feel like I showed up to the “party” a bit early.

I think whenever we experience a brokenness within ourselves we are given the opportunity to be in touch with how incredibly imperfect and full of darkness our world can be.

I was honestly in a very sad and mournful place of broken hope loss, which I think appropriate. But I also held on to the knowledge that in everything there is goodness. We just have to hold on to the knowledge that the goodness is not always revealed to us in the short, or even the long term.

I feel so blessed, though, in being able to taste the blessing in this whole experience.

Thursday morning, with a serious painful ectopic pregnancy, we went to the hospital. The doctor said we’d be going in for surgery. The head of the department, though, said that he was willing to wait it out 24 hours and see if maybe my fallopian tube could be saved (those of you who know how long we’ve been waiting for a baby can understand how challenging such a loss could be in addition to the dangers of surgery).

Gedalia and I put the word out and we both davened so much.

And I just know that it is because of the love and prayers of all of you that so far, thank G-d, I’m feeling better and have responded well to drug intervention. The doctors say I’m still at risk for surgery, and thus in need of prayers, but the outlook is much more optimistic.

It was so hard to just sit back and receive from so many people without being able to give back, but it was such a beautiful and important lesson in love.

I feel so blessed by every prayer, phone call, loving thought or word, every meal cooked, every play date arranged for our son. My mother flew across the world to take care of us and people have just been so good.

And on a day that is so much about sadness, I have to be honest and say that right now, I just feel so blessed.

I feel blessed knowing that it is because of such beautiful people like you that the world is getting fixed. The Rabbis say that is it because of baseless hatred that the Temple was destroyed and the Jews were sent into exile.

It is thus in the merit of baseless love that our people can come back into our former state of glory.

I bless us all that we can constantly experience the gift of giving and receiving baseless love. In abundance and without holding back.

With so much gratitude,

Chana

PS My whole family thanks all of you too

Image courtesy of Flickr.com user Third Eye AKA Tree Netra D.Basu

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12 comments

  1. Behatzlacha in your continued journey. We will daven and wait for besoros tove on Chana Jenny’s blog soon!

  2. Menucha Levin

    Dear Chana bat Leah,
    We are inspired by your amazing positive attitude and emunah
    and will daven that you will soon become an ‘eim habanim
    smaicha’.

  3. Rachel Shira Shalom

    Dear Chana Bat Leah,
    I am so inspired by the strength, composure, and constant emunah you’ve maintained throughout this journey. May all the chesed you to for your family and others merit you to bring many more holy yiddishe neshamos into this world, bimheira b’yamenu. Davening for you.

  4. Chana Bat Leah, you have given me such chizuk and inspiration. I will daven for you!

  5. chana bat leah, refuah shelemah! Be’H you will come through this tough time an even more inspired, strong, and emunadik mother of 2 and many more! thank you for sharing your experience, so many woman feel alone when going through this kind of challenge, and you are helping to heal others as well!

  6. So awful. I was so upset at this news. Such nisyonot for such tzaddikim. May Hashem send you healing and a new pregnancy as soon as the time is right. We will keep davening.

  7. Dear Chana, I will keep you in my tefillos. May we hear good things very soon, and may you continue to be an inspiration to all who are connected to you.

  8. Please tell Chana bas Leah:
    In Orot Hatahara by Rav Ben Shlomo (Hebrew), he gives an interesting option: 2 days before her period, she should tell her husband that she is tamei, and count five days from when she announced herself as tamei to her husband. She can then go to mikva 10 days after her veset begins (12 days from when she said she was tamei). Rav ben Shlomo is an Israeli rav whose field of expertise is hilchot nidda. His book received haskama from the Av Beis Din of the Beis Din Haelyon in Israel.

    My idea: This may be even more help if she receives a heter to wait only 4 days after her period begins; then she may be able to go to mikva on day 9 of her cycle.

  9. Regarding commenter Chana’s recent comment, please be advised that you should consult your rav before changing nidda practices,as it is not so simple. In addition, the option suggested might only work if a woman only bled for 3 days, as she needs to count 7 clean days in any case before she can go to the mikva. If she bled for at least 5 days (which is the average for most women) she would not be able to start counting the clean days before then, so this option wouldn’t apply to her. I highly recommend seeking the advice of Machon Puah in this area, as they are wonderful, highly-trained rabbis who deal with issues like these all the time and can suggest both halachic and medical solutions for various fertility issues. Bsorot tovot!

    • Nachon meod – this would only help if she bled for less than five days. However, there are also ways to shorten your period – lemon juice, pomegranate rinds, etc.

      I agree with you that one needs to consult a competent rav – this was just an idea that apparently has a halachic basis and therefore may be good to mention to your rav, in order that he should be able to better help you.

      I would recommend asking Machon Puah or Rav Ben Shlomo. If you would like Rav Ben Shlomo’s phone number (and are willing to call Israel), just ask . He is versed in both halacha and medicine.

  10. I just asked Rav Ben Shlomo about if your period lasts for 5 days, and he told me another way to halachically (and naturally) cut a period short. I do not want to write it on the internet because anyone can see it and we don’t pasken without knowing the situation – but there ARE ways around it, you just have to find a rav who has enough courage to be creative.

    If you want this rav’s number, please ask the webmistress to email me.

  11. Any updates on Chana?

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