Fully Halachic with a Beat

Fully Halachic with a Beat

It was many years ago that I first heard my friend Elana Greenspan perform her hilarious song “Fully Halachic with a Beat” at an open-mike event for frum women. And I never forgot this fantastic parody about the life of a gung-ho baalat teshuva who becomes a frum rapper.
Fully Halachic with a Beat.mp3 by jenny18
Well, Elana’s come a long way since I first saw her perform this song at that open-mike. Geographically, Elana’s moved from Israel to Passaic. Personally, the Greenspan family has been fruitful and multiplied. And professionally, Elana has come out with TWO great albums…Click here to listen to her albums online…I can’t get enough of her ironic sense of humor and, I think, incredible gift for imitating accents.

Fully Halachic with a Beat

Wassup, I am Bonita Applebum
You know, the girlie that you heard of in the old rap song?
You know the one; “You gotta put me on”
Well, I am the one-and-on’ Bonita Applebum

Well, that was in the days when I was not tzanua
Before I became a ba’alas t’shuva
Well, what nobody know then but you will know now
It’s not, “Bonita Applebum,” it’s Bonita Apple-baum!
(Bonita Applebaum, I said, you gotta put it down….)

I used to love Taco Bell — meat burrito soft tacos
But now I eats kugel and I go to beis yakov
Shrimp and bacon, used to eat them with my mama
So it’s hard to accept them as bad for my neshama
It’s a steep hill climb keeping’ up with Am Kedusha
But I’m getting in step ’cause it’s for my people’s future.

Fully halachic with a beat, ya’ll, fully halachic with a beat.

Yeah, I’m checking it out — the derech’s looking kinda stylie to me
What with 3/4 sleeves and skirts just over the knee. That’s awright.

Fully halachic with a beat, ya’ll, fully halachic with a beat

I don’t sing or dance for dudes; I should aks a ran to check and see
If I could still rap, ’cause it ain’t kol isha, technically

Fully halachic with a beat, ya’ll, fully halachic with a beat

What do I do when I don’t know what to do-uh?
I do consult the Mishnah Berura
And here’s what to do with a sleepy chevruta
Just read like this and she will listen to-ah -you-ah

“Yo, girlfriend, getchyo head up offa the desk in the beis midrash! I got something to say to you…..”

Fully halachic with a beat, ya’ll, fully halachic with a beat

D-dig: d-doing mitzvot is getting my vote
Bein adam l’chavero is what’s going on and on and on….
But to get inside your bones, to get inside your home
It’s got to be about ben adam l’makom

Jewish girlies in the bait say, “Hey!” — “Hey!”
Jewish girlies in the bait say, “Hey!” — “Hey!”
We stick together thick and we act chessidig
We’re all tzelem Elokim, ya’ll
That’s right, we’re all tzelem Elokim, if you know what I mean….

Fully halachic with a beat, ya’ll, fully halachic with a beat
Aleichem shalom — peace out!

Related posts:

The Haunted House in my Brain (8-Minute Mommy-Peptalk Video)
The Blessing of a Thick Skin (10-Minute Mommy Peptalk Video)
When a Jewish Mother Gives Birth

7 comments

  1. Dana Margolis

    Hearing this brought back so many memories of being with Elana in Israel. I have never forgotten this song and its been more than 10 years since I last heard it. Elana’s talent combined with her great sense of humor has brought smiles to so many!! I love it!

  2. this is toooo funny! living in the the ‘hood in brooklyn, i can totally relate to this musical sound. i just love the words. thank you for writing them down, to help us better understand… now it’s stuck in my head and i can’t get it out…

  3. I like that “Hello” song on the kid CD – I want to teach it to my kids!

  4. wow i remember that — it was thanks to elana’s women’s open mike night that i performed comedy for the first time. i remember it was 1999 at the pargod theater. will check out her albums

  5. So funny and creative. Hi Elana!

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