3 Tips on Being a Better Parent (2-Minute Lori Palatnik Video)

3 Tips on Being a Better Parent (2-Minute Lori Palatnik Video)

Each of your children is a match made in Heaven.

 

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10 comments

  1. Disagreed with point number three!!!! Don’t have more children because “you’ll get better at it”!!!!
    Have children because you WANT to have children.
    Unwanted children do not make good parents…..
    I was surprised with this advice, especially from Aish.
    Apart from that, a lovely video.

  2. come on…
    she didn’t say to keep having children in order to use those children to practice on.
    she said keep having children as a way to encourage us that we do get better at it, that it does become easier.
    i agree with Lori.

  3. right, rishe!
    to quote you: everyone wants to be an expert. the best way to become one is with practice.

  4. YL, I also can’t relate to “the best reason to have children is bec you want to have children”
    that sounds like a goyishe approach, not a Yiddishe one
    since when do we Jews do things bec we WANT to?
    do we keep Shabbos bec we want to? (didn’t you ever want to put on makeup…)
    do we have kibud av va’em bec we want to? (didn’t you ever feel like ignoring the phone bec you know it’s going to be a favor and you’re tired…)
    do we have children bec we want to? (didn’t you ever feel perfectly satisfied with the ones you already have…)
    sometimes another child is joyfully wanted, yes, but other times it’s just the right thing to do. (either way, we fall in love with them B”H, and the joy only increases)

  5. Rishe and Tamar, of course I understood that her point was to encourage us not to be afraid to have more children just because you think you will mess them up… Here’s my story: I had three, was messing up, did teshuva, had another three, and am still messing up: only now I have 6, no energy, no spiritual momentum, and am wondering why, why, o why, and when, when, when will I ever get better at this….
    So my comment came from a touchy place, yes.
    I also teared up during her video regarding matching souls to parents, but somehow this beautiful chizuk gets so easily drowned out by sheer physical reality.
    Any encouragement from two wise commenters who’s comments I respect?

    • Regina

      I think all parents sometimes feel like they are overwhelmed, exhausted and not quite doing as well as they’d like. Parenting is a difficult job that is a constant work in progress. So don’t be too hard on yourself. We all need Hashem’s help to get it right. Parenting is much more about fixing the parent so to speak than about fixing the child. I was just reading about it this morning on Dr. Zev Ballen’s site- http://www.zevballen.com/. He has a lot of great and very practical advice on parenting and other things which I think you might find helpful and encouraging. Hashem should bless you with a lot of koach to raise all your children the way you really wish you could and give you lots of nachas from all of them!

  6. YL I apologize if my comments were harsh or hurtful.

    All I can say that might help is that sometimes when in the midst of it, diapers, frying pans, Tylenol, farpishte sheets, toys everywhere, it seems like a job that will take decades. and one that you have a long time to ponder on how to do it, how to do it right, what needs to be worked on.

    but in reality it’s a very short-lived job. there is a very small window of opportunity to truly influence and shape the person the child will become. from birth til about eight or nine years old. for sure by ten the kid is shaped. for better or for worse, your job of shaping/influencing/molding is finished.

    it’s like walking into the office knowing you have ten hours there, or walking in knowing you have one hour. when you think you have ten hours, when you know your plan for the day is to stay at work for ten hours, you start your day with the first of many coffee breaks, spend time setting up the desk, chat with co-workers, etc etc. why not? in ten hours you’ll get around to all your tasks.

    but if you know you have one hour to do it all, you dive in with a focused expression and nobody dares distract you.

    molding children into adults is not something we have 20 years to do. that window of opportunity is actually tiny.

    • Wow, that’s very insightful. I have a problem 12 yr old with many beautiful qualities who’s issues are eating us up. If you say he is “cooked”, then what’s my approach? I thought we should always have hope for change? Or is the ball now in his court for when he’s older?
      Thanks for caring….

  7. i believe that everyone has a personal mothering style. some are the Get-Down-On-Your-Knees-And-Play-With-Playdo types. Others are the Read-Books-To-Your-Children-100-Times types. then there are the Let’s-Share-Great-DMD’s types. then there’s me.
    whatever type i am is different from everybody else. the same holds true for you. the secret to successful parenting lies in your ability to operate without pre-conceieved ideals. i think that those “Shoulds” we carry around in our heads kill our natural style, and create great emotional turmoil and insecurity to boot.
    YL, celebrate yourself. give yourself permission to just be “you”. the greatest gift we can give our children is a Happy Mommy. Once you make peace with yourself, you will be happy, and your kids will blossom.

    • Thanks Tamar, you really gave me a chizuk. I’m glad I asked!

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