Hello, Baby! (9-Minute Mommy Peptalk)

Hello, Baby! (9-Minute Mommy Peptalk)

Good news! As of today, JewishMOM.com is back from maternity leave:)
Here’s my first peptalk since before the birth…Reflections on Yonatan Tzur’s arrival into the world a month ago.

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12 comments

  1. I am new to JewishMom.com and I can only say that I am so GRATEFUL to have been blessed by Hashem to discover it. I feel like I am relating to what everyone is saying, has experienced or has shared. My fears that I am alone in the ups and downs of this amazing journey called Jewish motherhood, are quelled. Though I have been taught about the concept of malchut in what most see as the neverending drudgeries of wife and motherhood, including cooking, cleaning, washing dishes, laundry etc., it is often hard to tap into this when you spend so many hours a day engaged in these neverending mundane tasks that can drive you crazy as they cycle and cycle and cycle. Well, I’m beginning to feel the malchut now because I get an extra burst of inspiration and strength from the articles, pep talks and stories you and other mothers share.

    I have two children with special needs. They are BH” 7. I had a third child when they were 3 1/2. Life has been particularly challenging and often can feel downright depressing raising my special needs neshamas. They are BH” growing and maturing, but it is a slow and oftentimes draining process. I’ve never experienced a challenge like it in my life. I am 36 and I’ve watched friends go on to child #4, 5, 6 etc… and sadness and jealousy often overwhelm me because for shalom bayit and sanity reasons, with rabbinical permission we’ve opted that for the time being we should not be having more children since the care of our two older children is such an awesome, amazing and hugely exhausting day in day out experience. I’m seeing progress BH”, amazing progress this year. I know the biological window is still there thankfully, but it is getting closer to where eventually the childrearing days won’t be available anymore. I want and dream of having another child, maybe even two or three, with all my heart. I beg and pray Hashem should help my children grow and mature and that my husband and I will have the strength, stability and physical ability to have more children at the right time BeH”. Enjoy each and every neshama. They are work, but the nachas and hearing the sincere, heartefly “I love you’s” from your children is priceless. There is no career, money or possession on earth that can ever replace.

    Mazel tov to you and your family! I daven that he and his mom should be healthy. He should bring you much yiddishe Nachas and you should be zoche to see him to his chuppah and your great granchildren that will come from him and all your children–they should all be proud, frum Jews and bright, shining lights of Torah in this world!!

  2. loved it!!! mazal tov and welcome back!! 🙂

  3. Chana Jenny . . . what you said is so PROFOUND! You, by your illustrated experience have brought this great analogy to me – and I get it! Wow! As the epidural blocks the sensation of pain . . . so emunah in Hashem causes sorrow and sighing to flee away. I am overwhelmed by this illustration. Lo ira ra, ki atah imadi – I will not fear, for He is with me . . . my epidural of emunah – blocks the pain and I know that I can face anything.

  4. Tamar, I feel the same way. I have 3 Baruch Hashem, and at this point in my life I can’t imagine having more right now. I am so overwhelmed. I wish I knew the secret of the mom who has 9 kids and is 2 years older than me. She is so soft spoken and patient.

    • Chana,
      I can totally relate to what you’re saying the whole way thru the peptalk. I’ve had 4 and 3 times I had an epidural. I also have had that feeling of overwhelming gratitude and all of a sudden I think ” I get it!”. Thank you so much for putting it into words and sharing!

    • Leah, I’ve gotten a lot of spiritual chizuk on this topic. When Hashem decides to send a neshama into the world, He puts them through a virtual “shopping” list, adding a little of this middah, a little less of another, more of this challenge, none of that challenge, lots of these resources, less of those resources, etc., until He creates the entire picture of the tools, experiences and traits that will be custom tailored to that person’s life and what they need to accomplish their mission when He sends them down into a new body for another chance to rectify their soul. Special needs people as it was explained to me, are pure. They are here to teach us, not the other way around like most people think. They don’t lack in anything. Any intellect,
      insight etc. they may seem to lack is just a manifestation of their incredibly high level of purity such that they don’t need to make choices in this world like the rest of us lucky folks.
      Obviously, depending on the degree of the special needs and choice level of the special needs individual, this determines how pure the soul actually is. The bottom line is though, their tikkun is much much less than us regular guys!:-)

      That being said, not everyone was meant to have 20 kids. This is a misnomer. My husband told me (can’t remember the Gadol’s name and don’t want to misquote) that there was a Gadol who had only 2 children. There are many people who never have any children. In our day and age, our job is to create quality children above all else, children who are healthy physically, emotionally and spiritually, so we can create the qualities of a generation who can be zoche to receive Moshiach and the Redemption. Many, many families are receiving pure neshamas in the form of special needs, more than I think ever before. They’re a ton of work but they are here, I think, to help people become more compassionate, caring and sensitive, qualities badly needed for that Moshiach-receiving generation.

      Even if you don’t have special needs kids, the most important job we as Jewish moms have these days is to stay healthy ourselves. I think Hashem gives the affluence to make life easier materially so we can nourish and care for ourselves and provide materially for our families with less worry, and focus on building spirituality. Previous generations’ jobs was different. They had much more emunah and bitachon, the family unit was tenfold stronger than it is now, and there was an understanding of respect within the Jewish marital and parent-child relatiobnship. These sacred barriers have all been torn down in our time and need to be rebuilt. Extreme poverty and hardship materially for the majority of Jews in our time won’t bare well for the generations’ goal to produce healthy children. So, we have to know that each of us has our strengths and limitations, as we are all in a physical body with a pekaleh of each of these. I don’t do well without enough sleep, I tend to become ill with annoying bugs pretty easily even if I take excellent care of myself, and though I am a powerhouse, I was unable to work full time and stay sane caring for my kids, though I “ONLY” have three. The goal is to raise them well, and to raise them well I have to be well and permeate that wellness in the atmosphere I create in the palace called my home. If that means having less kids because I can’t physically handle more, then I guess that’s what it has to be. We can’t compare ourselves to others. Not screaming and venting my frustration when I am overwhelmed is not natural for me, but it may be for a woman who happens to have 10 kids. So, she may not scream because it’s easy for her not to, but when I hold myself back from screaming at my 3 kids, it’s a HUGE accomplishment for me and Hashem scheps much nachas for my superhuman efforts to overcome my nature at that moment and pass my test.

      The bottom line is, each of us has a unique job to do and unique set of characteristics. We can be in awe of and learn from people who are greater than us in an area, but we cannot actually ever BE them, we can only be who we are and do OUR job. It feels good though when you speak to another mom and you’re not alone in your boat feeling overwhelmed by a small number of kids when everyone around you seems to be fine and sane going on to #4,5,6,7,8 etc. at all times. That’s our challenge and our greatness, so feel good about yourself! May He bless us with more kids in the right time and the koach to raise them well when they come (and EASY births and pregnancies!!!).

  5. Chana Jenny- the epidural mashal is extremely powerful. thank you so much for sharing this. So happy it went well for you and you were able to get such a great insight. You should get lots of nachas from your son!

    Tamar- thank you so much for sharing these thoughts and ideas.. I found them so incredibly uplifting and I think something we constantly need to review every day. Thank you for the chizuk and you should be blessed with all of the good Hashem has to offer you!

  6. Tamar, ” Amen! ” I need to print what you said and read it every night 😉 I’d love to have a chavrusa 😉

  7. Mazel tov! And thanks for the plug about the webinar! Sounds like just what I need at this time. =] Also, I’m a first time mom who is in major need of support, so I’ll be hovering around, soaking up what I can. Thank you for all you do!

  8. Chana Jenny, I guess if you had a girl, you’d have named her Emuna:) Thanks for your peptalk, I love births, they truly put us on a higher level each time, with new and exciting insights.

    On another thought, commenting on those other comments – it’s not about numbers! Each child brings their own feelings. When I had three, I was overwhelmed so much of the time. When I was pregnant with my next one, I was depressed and so tired and I thought I was done forever. But now #4 arrived and something changed. I am just so incredibly happy, relaxed and able to handle those other three.

    I am not advertising for you to go ahead and have another, I am just saying that THE WAY YOU FEEL NOW HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE WAY YOU’D FEEL AFTER OTHER CHILDREN. It’s not about, “how could she have 9 when I can only handle 3”? Her 9 could be easier than your 3. She could’ve been just as overwhelmed by three, but then the next six just turned her around into a new person.

    Someone told me, “Four was hard. But five was easy.” It’s not the amount, it’s the new neshama and it’s impression on you, your life and the rest of your family.

  9. rachel pavlov

    Mazal tov firstly to you and your family
    this talk has come just on time
    you have given me the oppurtunity to see the bigger picture to have the emunah and more the bitachon the Hashem is ahead of me even though the derech is not yet clear to me
    Thank you and so glad you are back
    shabbat shalom

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