How I Met My Wife after 2 Decades of Dating by Anonymous
An old friend we’ve known for over 20 years just sent me this personal story which should inspire you to pray for everything you want and need!
Rav Shalom Arush, Shlita, and Rav Lazar Brody, Shlita, were on a speaking tour in Toronto on Tuesday, November 12, 2013.
At the time I was 45 years old.
As you know, Chana Jenny, I had gone out on many dates but despite my sincere efforts, I had not gotten married.
In order to comfort me some of my friends, like you and your husband, Rabbi Josh Weisberg, tried to reassure me that I just haven’t met the right person yet.
One friend even kept telling me after each time I was rejected (and felt dejected) that, “Rejection is G-d’s Protection.”
Despite all of these wonderful words of encouragement, I still just wanted to meet the right woman already and start spending my life with her in a Bayit Ne’eman B’Yisrael.
As we discussed many times in the past, the most common criticism against me by the women I dated was that I am “too nice”.
Upon hearing yet another date’s identical reason for not continuing to date me, Rabbi Weisberg use to say, “Oh, you want a snake instead? I know a few that I can introduce you to.” It cheered me up – but only temporarily.
I have read Rav Arush and Rav Brody’s books and like what they have to say about Emunah.
When Rav Arush spoke – with Rav Brody simultaneously translating – he told the Toronto crowd on that cold night on November 12th, 2013 that Hashem is our Heavenly Father. He then asked, “What father doesn’t want his children to be happy? All you have to do is ask Hashem for what you want and He will give it to you. The Blessing is hovering above your head waiting to drop but you have to ask for exactly what you want. Everybody – stand up right now! Ask Hashem for exactly what you want right now and do not be shy!”
I got up, as did a few others, and I actually articulated exactly the type of woman I have been waiting for so long. I really had nothing to lose and did not care if I looked or sounded like a fool. I was tired of being alone and wanted to meet my soul mate already.
I asked Hashem for someone who loves me for who I am and does not consider me TOO nice. In fact, I want someone who sees my niceness as an asset, not a liability. I pleaded for someone who finds me attractive and that I am attracted to. For someone who is smart and funny and who appreciates my quirky jokes. It was a tall order but I figured if I don’t ask…….
The very next week, I received a phone call from someone I met at a Shabbat lunch over a year before who now called to tell me that he had the perfect woman for me and she is going to be in Toronto on the weekend of Friday, November 22nd. I thought the coincidence was too good to be true.
I asked him, if she is so great, then why don’t you go out with her? He told me that she is too religious for him. I agreed that is a legitimate reason and decided to give it a try – not realizing that this was in fact the answer to my prayers.
He gave me her name and phone number. It turns out she was tired of dating men who did not treat her well and was dying to meet a nice guy who would be kind to her.
It seems all of these years, she was being groomed to appreciate my qualities and I was being tested not to lose my faith in finding someone who needed someone nice.
I picked her up at her friend’s apartment. I was smitten even before she started speaking. I would have proposed to her right on the spot but that would just have been too weird for her. She and I continued to date. I waited another 6 months to pop the question at her workplace.
Eventually we got married on Sunday, September 7, 2014 in Brooklyn, New York, B”H.
Rav Shalom Arush is amazing! Hashem is amazing! He is indeed our Father. Our loving, caring and concerned Father Who wants us to ask Him for exactly what we want.
The moral of the story is ask Hashem for what you want and be very specific.
I hope you will be as pleasantly surprised by the results as I–and my wife–have been:)
Love this beautiful story!
It is simply extraordinary! And it reveals once again the power of prayer and the grandeur of rabbi Arush and Brody! Every one should read their books and especially the garden of gratitude and the garden of faith!
Wow what a story! I have a similar issue but I’m very blessed in that I’m married, I just don’t have any children (even after 15 years praying for them). One thing I’ve learned from Rabbi Nivin though is that success in reality (in Hashem’s eyes!) is not measured by results but by how much you try to do the right thing. Kol Hakavod for this person for trying again and again! It also give me plenty of chissuk to get through the hurtful comments of why I’m “putting career first”, how I’ll be so sorry when I’m older and won’t have children because I “chose” not to (as if I have a choice! Hashem has the key to children, not me) and “raising pets instead of children”. If only people knew….
Thank you so much for sharing!
Mordechai Beinstock, Esq of Albany, NY said:
“Those who wish to improve the current [shidduch] system should tailor their reforms to reducing the amount of testing, judging and evaluating that pervades the system, and increase the amount of warmth, tenderness and vulnerability that occurs on dates.”
SOURCE: article by Mordechai Beinstock Esq of Albany NY, in the Jewish Press, 2009 August 14, page 83 (inside of back page, continued from page 1)
“In Israel, it is common for married people to receive telephone calls asking if they have a shidduch idea for someone the caller knows. It is also common for young married couples to keep their single friends in mind and try to match them up.
As a result, it is rare for a motivated single not to have a date for a year or more.
In the USA, we have often seen the opposite of all these to be true. Married people who do not have a child in the shidduch parshah are seldom asked if they have an idea for an unrelated person.
Many singles bitterly complain that once their friends marry, they forget about those who have not yet made it to the chuppah.
And we have heard of too many women, and even a number of men, who have not been on a date for more than a year because nobody thinks of setting them up.”
SOURCE: The Jewish Press, 2010 August 13, on page 53, in an article written by Rosie Einhorn LCSW and Sherry Zimmerman Esq.
Single people can make shidduchim too. There is this completely wrong idea in the frum world that only married people are capable of making shidduchim. I’m single, and have set people up who got married, as have many other single people I know.
Sarah Chana, thank you for the reminder that we never know what’s really going on with someone else. May Hashem answer you with YES right away.