Will You Miss This?

Will You Miss This?

For years, when one of my little ones does something particularly annoying– like crashing a full bottle of balsamic vinegar all over the kitchen floor (Who: 15-month-old Yonatan, When: this past Friday) we Weisbergs always, always, always do the same thing…

We launch into the chorus from a Country-Western song about a mother of young children called (you JewishMOM.com oldtimers might remember) “You’re Gonna Miss this” by Trace Adkins.

Here’s the lyrics:

“There’s a plumber working on the water heater
Dog’s barking, phone’s ringing
One kid’s crying, one kid’s screaming
She keeps apologizing
He says “They don’t bother me
I’ve got two babies of my own
One’s thirty six, one’s twenty three
Huh, it’s hard to believe, but

“You’re gonna miss this
You’re gonna want this back
You’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you’re gonna miss this”

For about a year, though, one of my big girls and I have an inside joke. When one of my little ones does something particularly annoying, like scribble all over the living-room floor with a blue magic marker (Who: Yonatan, again, When: Yesterday afternoon), then we start crooning:

“You’re gonna miss this.”
To which I respond, “Actually I won’t.”
“You’re gonna want this back.”
To which I add, “No, actually I’m not going to…”

But this past Saturday night, when my kids were fighting like cats and dogs over boys coming into the girls room and visa versa, I turned to that same daughter and asked, “Seriously, what do you think? When I’m an old lady and all the kids are out of the house, will I miss all this?”

My daughter was silent for a moment and then said, “You will miss it, Eema. But you won’t want it back.”

Yesterday, I was heading home from the playground, like always. Yonatan in the stroller, 3-year-old Yaakov piggy-backing on the basket, 5-year-old Tsoofy at my side.

And then I saw a dignified 70-something woman with a matronly sheitl walking towards us. She looked at me and then at my crowd, and then her face lit up with the HUGEST smile.

And I imagined a conversation I would like to have with that grandmother…

“Do you miss it?”
“Oh yeees, very much.”
“Do you want it back?”
“Oh no, not at all. I’m too old for that!”

But the twinkle in her eye, I imagined, told a different story.

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17 comments

  1. All six of my children, with the exception of my disabled daughter, have left home and have families of their own now. Seventy is my next milestone. I miss it all very very much. My memories are full of stories both happy and sad. I would very much desire a do-over . . . but, I realize I am too old to handle it all! Actually, I don’t know how I did it – big piles of laundry . . . big pots of stew on the stove . . . etc. Hey Jewish moms – it goes by so fast . . . enjoy every minute.

  2. Brought tears to my eyes.
    Thanks for the reminder to not get bogged down and to appreciate this stage.

  3. You will not miss it – your children are going to come visit you with your grandchildren!
    וראה בנים לבינך שלום על ישראל
    I’m half way there – Magic

    • JewishMom

      IY”H!!!

    • mother emeritus

      But when the grandchildren come and it is beeyootiful, but not the same as all the kids together–like harmonizing from the different rooms as we clean for Pesach; or even have 3 of them tangled up together on a bed having a wrestling match’ or the miracle of getting thru a birth and the wonderment of holding my brand-new baby. But yes, years ago when it was hard, overwhelming, it would have helped to know and envision even for a moment what awaited us once we got up up over the hill — like to the engagement of my granddaughter this week. Iyh by all you Jewishmoms.

  4. yeah, I’ll definitely miss some of it.
    Thanks Jenny.

  5. my youngest is turning 20 this week, my oldest 36.
    most of my children are B”H married.
    and the weirdest thing happened to me.
    i CANNOT remember the hard times. i cannot remember a single tantrum or fight or unbearable moment where a child won’t stop screaming.
    i just can’t remember it, at all.
    these moments must have happened because my children were not angels, they were normal children. and yet–
    all i remember is the goodness and sweetness and funniness and cuteness of it all!

    • Savta Ima

      Sounds like we are about the same age judging by our kids ages, Rishe. I am the same…and have told my children on a few occasions that I can promise them i do not remember even one “transgression” or annoyance – only the great memories come through. Except – true Mama’s guilt – I think I remember a great deal of thew no-no’s I did which i cannot believe i did looking back and dream of having a “do-over” – I hope the kids can be as forgiving 🙂

      • Dear Savta Ima (I think I know who you are;-)
        you have absolutely the best kids in the whole while world. I love them, they inspire me… and I always remember who raised them!!

        • Savta Ima

          noga…I am totally intrigued – I don’t know if you know me, but I definitely agree that my kids are the best! 🙂 They inspire me too! So curious — Please PM me if Chana Jenny will give you my email address. Thanks!

  6. Such a beautiful post! As the mother of 7 children, 4 married and my ‘baby’ in Kitah Tet, I can really relate.

    Thanks for sharing the song also, its so true!

    We have to enjoy the moments, and I do really miss the action of a big, bustling noisy family. Its so different now.

    Its so important to enjoy the here and now. It goes by so quickly.

    Nechama

  7. My mother used to say, “Hold them tight, then let them go” and Baruch Hashem, I really did, and now I actually enjoy the quiet and the empty nest!

  8. Thanks to all the comments, this’ll help me appreciate mine now bh. AS the oldest being 9 and the youngest at 17 months trying to press keys as I type.. I really needed to hear how you all miss this stage:)

  9. I really needed this. Thank you. I have 3 little ones bH, under 3 and I so need to keep this focus. Thanks again.

  10. Hadassah

    I was also a very busy young mom w/ kids close together. I kind of got a chance to do it ‘over’. since I remarried and had three more kids There is 11 years between the two sets of kids.
    But seriously – now that the kids are mostly out I am enjoying the peace and quiet and miss having time with the grandkids since they live far away :(.

  11. a great post. I can’t believe I had six children (3 more after saying I wouldn’t have any more, post teshuva) I am the last person anyone would ever expect to have a large family (small to many here) but I can’t imagine life without the constant go. When some of them are out for Shabbat at my MIL it’s quiet but kind of sad. Honestly it’s not the kids that cause the worse moments, it’s my bad handling of them that make them moments I won’t miss later on!! But the action and feeling of being productive and needed will be missed. I hope they will want to be around their grandmother one day…. !

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