Getting Rid of Children’s Misbehavior (12-Minute Mommy Peptalk)

Getting Rid of Children’s Misbehavior (12-Minute Mommy Peptalk)

Simple tools to eliminate misbehavior in your children.

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11 comments

  1. where can i learn more about this shefra methed to help with misbehavior in children ,is there an online coarse?

    • I don’t know if there’s an online course, it’s a popular approach in israel and there are courses in many locations. if you live in israel, try posting something on your neighborhood Email list

  2. Can you give us an example of how you would deal with the” misbehavior child” who is older. Not two years old.

    • JewishMom

      let’s say someone has an older child who is making a lot of trouble in school, and the mother gets lots of calls from the teacher or principal. the parent is eaten up with worry– that (for example) this child will drop out of school and (G-d forbid) become a drug addict. The shefer method says that you can get rid of the misbehavior by “neutralizing” that worry. The mother needs to work on herself to, instead, have faith in her child, she needs to work on believing that he will graduate school, get married, be a successful grown-up.

      with lower-grade cases (what the shefer method calls “an attention child”) when misbehavior bothers you but doesn’t eat you up with concerns and worried thinking…an example would be a teenager who slams the door on her mother when she angry. this kind of misbehavior is dealt with my ignoring it. The mother needs to work on not caring so much and not being hurt by the door slamming.

      • I have heard alot about Shefer and have a friend who is wild about it. One problem for me is that what if the problems in school are real and not dealt with? I wouldnt want to wait years to find out that the child had (for example) dyslexia or needed glasses or whatever and I was just ignoring it and imagining them growing up to be great. How do you balance child’s needs with this approach?

        • JewishMom

          according to the shefer method, the mother does take care of issues related problem behavior. For example, if she feels it’s necessary, she can take the child for various therapies to help him out. At the same time, she is supposed to neutralize her own negative reaction to the behavior (the fear or anger or despair–whatever reaction that particular mother has to the child’s misbehavior)

          with that said, as I said in the peptalk, I am not a chassida of the shefer method. I wouldn’t recommend it to every mother.

  3. Someone else has been telling me that I MUST do the Shefer program, and you’ve definitely convinced me! Thanks for sharing the advice and the examples.

  4. By the way – is this only for the mother, or does it apply to the father too?

    • JewishMom

      in the shefer method, the mother is the main object/target of the children’s behavior, and therefore their behavior can be shifted most effectively by us.

  5. Just as a note – the correct translation is the Shefer approach…it is called גישה for a reason. It is an approach, it is not called a method or a system on purpose.

    I took a class last year and got a lot out of it.

    Happy Adar!

    Nili

  6. Chagit Zelcer

    Thanks for sharing jewishmom! Looks like you’re a star student!! I teach the Sheffer approach in Hebrew and English online and through audio conference groups. Those of you who are interested in learning the approach in depth are welcome to contact me for more info: chagit@golan.org.il or 050-7710804. Wishing you ‘Jewishmom’ and all the Jewish moms (and dads) lots of nachas and an easy pre-Pesach:)

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