My Good Enough Pesach
Yesterday, by the late afternoon, I was literally crying from pre-Pesach exhaustion. Snapping at my family members. Cursing my fate as a JewishMOM. Thinking inspirational thoughts such as “I can’t take this aaaanymoooore” and “Wouldn’t it be nice to fall asleep like a Jewish Sleeping Beauty, until, like, Shavuos.”
And then, after an embittered evening, I fell asleep early, crying into my pillow.
After many hours of sleep, the world looked so much brighter this morning.
But still, I realized, as my mother is fond of saying, ENOUGH!
The week before Pesach is the most challenging week of the year for a JewishMOM, and I need to do what I can to make it easier for myself.
At 7:40 this morning I sent an SMS to the woman making a pre-Pesach camp down the street to find out if there was still room for my kids (in Israeli schools, Passover Vacation starts 10 days before Pesach). Yes, the camp costs money. Yes, I was hoping not to spend that money. But I did it anyway.
And then, after all my little kids were out of the house, I thought about all the things remaining on my to-do list that I really don’t have to do…
And I realized that instead of cleaning them, I can sell the linen closet, the laundry porch, all the upper cabinets in my kitchen, the two drawers for disposables.
It’s not ideal. A little voice inside me screams, “If not now, when, Chana Jenny?! Your disposable forks, knives, and spoons as well as your pillow cases and fitted sheets will be hopelessly mixed up for perpetuity!”
But I’m trying to remind that nervous little voice inside of me of something I heard…
In the Hagaddah, every year we read “ולבן ביקש לעקור את הכל,” Lavan wanted to destroy everything.
At least one Chassidic commentary explains that “Lavan” literally means “White.” Lavan represents our tendency to perfectionism, that everything in our homes should be clean and white and perfect.
And that is what destroys everything. Our families. Us.
So I, for one, am aiming for less perfection this year.
A good-enough Pesach.
Good enough for me.
And good enough, I pray, for Hashem, too.