When I Had 4 Little Girls

When I Had 4 Little Girls

This morning I went to pick up 3-year-old Yoni’s chalake photos, from his 1st haircutting with the Slonimer Rebbe last month.

I know the photographer, an elderly man who owns a photo store, from the chalakes of my 2 older sons by the Rebbe. And as he handed me the photos he blessed me with a big smile, “Only nachas!”

And I told him, “You know, there are professionals that people only come to when they have troubles– doctors, lawyers, psychologists. And how wonderful that you work in a profession that people only come to for happy occasions!”

“It’s true!” he said, as he laughed and nodded.

And as I walked towards home, I remembered…

Yesterday I went to pick up my 7-year-old daughter, Tsofia, from her best friend Tamar’s home.

When Tsofia went to look for her sweater in the bedroom Tamar shares with her 3 younger sisters, I went to help search, and took in the triple bunk bed and crib.

And I was transported back 13 years, to when my oldest daughter, Hadas, was 7-years-old, like Tamar, the oldest of 4 little girls.

When I think of those years, my gut-reaction is–those were such hard years! SO MUCH harder than my life today…

The devastating couch-ridden morning sickness.

The post-partum anxiety.

Running after 4 small children with no older kids to lend a hand and no family around to help.

The non-stop ruminations regarding my identity as a mother and Jew and individual.

The stressful morning rush hour and bedtimes that made me wonder how I could do this mothering thing for even another day…

But the funny thing was that standing in Tamar’s bedroom, all of those tough memories melted away. And I felt this feeling in the pit of my stomach, of yearning. For those early mothering days. The SWEETNESS of those years! Taking care of those 4 adorable little girls who are now so grown up…

The troubles.
The happy times.
Mixed together.
A mother’s life.

Related posts:

The Chanukah Wave
Succot: Achieving Immortality (10-Minute Mommy Peptalk)
Passover According to my 3-Year-Old

9 comments

  1. I love it and I thank you.

  2. wow this gave me chills..I am in the middle of these “hard” mothering years and really needed to read this. Thank you!

  3. I second everything Chana Jenny wrote

  4. Yup in the middle of it too. My oldest is 11 — when do those years end?

    • I once heard rebbetzin heller say things get much easier when your oldest daughter turns 8. I agree with that. But what really helped me even more is having a child who naturally enjoys spending time with and caring for his or her younger siblings. I have some like that, and it’s a game-changer!

      • and mothers who need to learn how to ask…. hmmm wana blog about that? I think I have an issue not wanting to put too much pressure on my kids – what with the homework, showering, lunch making, projects and busy life they lead – how can I ask for help? 🙁

  5. About photographers:
    There are some very special people in this world: photographers who volunteer in hospitals to take beautiful photos of babies born sleeping for their grieving parents to treasure.

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