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JewishMom — Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000

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JewishMOM.com — Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000

Happiness Doesn't Feel Happy by Rabbi Shlomo Aviner (taken from the book Happy Women) Lest you should say, "It's true that there is a commandment to perform mitzvot with joy, but what can I do if I simply don't feel any joy?" This is an important question, and the answer is just as important: you can be happy without feeling happy, and you can feel happy without being happy. Of course, I have nothing against feeling happy, but this is not the same thing as happiness. Happiness is not the same thing as enjoyment; happiness is a feeling of internal satisfaction from doing good things, and from fulfilling our obligations. It is similar to a feeling of joy (אושר). Pleasure, from eating delicious food for example, is fleeting. Enjoyment is felt for a moment and after that it disappears, and sometimes the pursuit of pleasure even turns into a disease. Western society is a society of pleasures, brimming with delicacies, but its citizens are miserable, and this situation is not new. For several hundred years the great Western writers have been describing miserable and suffering human beings, to whom the pleasures of the world do not bring happiness. People are in despair, broken, disgusted by life, nauseated by life, vomiting life. The French philosopher Sartre wrote a book called The Nausea. This is the constant emotional state of the Western human being- nausea from life. Another existentialist philosopher from Germany named Heidegger, described how a person has a feeling of Geworfeheit- having been thrown into the world. In other words, people feel thrown into a world devoid of meaning, and all of the pleasures of the world cannot fill the void within them with happiness. Our Sages compare the verse "And also the spirit will not be filled" (Ecclesiastes 6:7) with a princess who marries a townsperson who presents her with many luxuries, but her heart yearns for the palace of the king (Kohelet Raba). The soul is the princess, and food and drink cannot fill her: the soul has different aspirations altogether. The happiness of performing a mitzvah is close to the concept of joy (אושר). Joy is a constant experience that comes from the knowledge and from the internal consciousness of human beings that they are honest and good- and that if sometimes they fail, they can repent. We all know the question "Why do bad things happen to good people?" We won't respond to that question at the moment. We will only present what our Sages teach us, that in a certain sense there is no such thing as bad things happening to good people. Righteous people, tsaddikim, are joyful. They might be sick and impoverished, exiled from their homeland and beaten, but this does not cause them unhappiness. Also the reality of "good things happening to bad people?" does not exist. A person can have treasures and palaces, but if he is a bad person nothing will bring him happiness. The happiness of the mitzvah is the internal consciousness, the internal awareness of people that they are good and honest, and that they therefore lack nothing. They do not require any reward for this. "The reward for a mitzvah is a mitzvah" (Avot 4:2) They are happy that they have performed a mitzvah, and they yearn to perform yet another. Reprinted with permission from Rabbi Shlomo Aviner Shlit"a. Translated by CJ Weisberg

Gilad Shalit's Succah

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000

1555 days in captivity. In the midst of our Succot celebrations, let's remember the beloved son of bereft Jewish mom Aviva Shalit. Gilad ben Aviva is spending yet another holiday imprisoned by Hamas terrorists, far from everyone he loves. Below is artist Aloma Mishar's depiction of Gilad Shalit's Succah. Just as the succah is temporary, may Gilad soon leave his succah of suffering as well… This succah appears in an exhibit at the Beit Avi Chai. BEIT AVI CHAI, established by the AVI CHAI Foundation, is a cultural center that addresses major issues and fields of thought and creativity in Jewish and Israeli society. BEIT AVI CHAI seeks to collect and publicize the various facets of Israeli-Jewish society, provide them a forum, and let them influence Israeli society and culture.

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000

Praise for Chana Jenny Weisberg: "I am now officially “addicted” to this website. It is the only regular email I receive (and I receive many) that I always read “cover to cover...Chana Jenny, you humbly allow yourself to learn and grow, and you take your viewers/readers along with you on that journey." --Rishe Deitsch, Editor of Nshei Chabad Newsletter "A fascinating journey into previously unexplored terrain. Chana Jenny Weisberg's beautifully written book explores the little known world of Orthodox Jewish women…vastly entertaining.” - Yitta Halberstam, bestselling author of Small Miracles: Extraordinary Coincidences from Everyday Life "Immerse yourself in the wondrous world of miracles, of faith, of God-intoxication, which Chana Jenny Weisberg so subtly and masterfully paints..." -The Jewish Press More fantastic reviews and articles featuring Chana Jenny Weisberg in: Hadassah Magazine, Jewish Telegraph Agency, Haaretz, Jewish Chronicle, Chicago Jewish News, Baltimore Jewish Times, Jewish News Weekly of Northern California, JOFA Journal, Jewsweek, Yated Neeman, Wisconsin Jewish Chronicle, JBooks and more.

Dear Rebbetzin Heller: Keeping Kids Safe

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000

Nachlaot is reeling this week from news of a neighborhood resident who, it turns out, has been molesting neighborhood children for years. For the past few years, I have seen this man who is now in police custody almost every single day. He didn't arouse any sort of suspicion in me or in his neighbors. Resources on Stranger Danger

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JewishMOM.com — Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000

Mommy Hunchbacks

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000

I have been thinking a lot recently about the "pekkele," the congenital package, the inborn weakness, that each and every one of us lugs around with us for life, like a hunchback. One mom is so disorganized that her whole family lives in perpetual crisis mode- mismatched socks and misplaced vaccination records and missed school buses are a way of life. One mom is unable to control her anger and her frequent screaming and criticisms transform her into the big bad wolf of her young children's daydreams. Yet another mom suffers from depression, so that the demands of running her small household feel as overwhelming, as impossible, as if the phone company had appointed her as a turn-of-the-century switchboard operator for the millions of modern Manhattan. And isn't it unfair? Every single mom is trying so hard to be the best mom possible, and she would be…if it weren't for that cursed hunchback! I think of my own personal motherly hunchback every time I recite the after-blessing "Boreh Nefashot:" praising G-d who "Created many kinds of life and made them lacking…in order to sustain all life." This prayer reminds me that G-d made me this way, he created me, and all of us, as the Jewish Mom of Notre Dame. Just as the fine pure oil that was used in the Menorah was created by crushing olives, so too none of us can live up to our ultimate potential without pressure and difficulty- without the crushing ,ongoing battle between our weaknesses and our desire to be the best moms for our children. Without the struggle, day by day, to open the window, to let in some fresh air, and to start again. The battle of the disorganized mother who fights to get her life under control, the angry mother who fights to replace a reign of terror with one of warmth and love, the depressed mother who fights day by day to return a breath of happiness and life to herself and to her family. This battle is the most important fight we will every face, and hidden within it is our ticket to spiritual greatness. Because it is through the constant chafing between our G-d given hunchback and motherhood's reality of constant giving, that each and every one of us can ultimately become her most perfect self.

A Great Idea! A Postpartum Doula!

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1b3Oa-G9Vo]

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000

Changing the World, One Diaper at a Time Debbie Shapiro interviews Chana Jenny Weisberg The first time I met Chana Jenny Weisberg was at a Nshei evening that she was hosting in her home – a century old historic building in the center of Jerusalem. I had read several of her articles and seen her books "Expecting Miracles" and "One Baby Step at a Time" on display at the local bookstores. I was thrilled to meet another writer and have an opportunity to "talk shop." I discovered a young woman with a clear mission in life – to make women aware that motherhood is an accomplishment, or, to put it humorously, "Mothers are changing the world, one diaper at a time!" Chana purchased a copy of my book, "Bridging the Golden Gate" and then posted one of the essays that were in the book on her very popular mothering website, JewishMom.com. Since then, we have developed an email relationship, sending each other interesting articles and notes about events in Jerusalem. I was thrilled at the opportunity to interview Chana for the Lakewood Shopper. I found myself naturally gravitating toward her, and despite our age difference, I felt a strong affinity with her. I truly admire how she's making women aware that the floors can wait, the laundry can wait, the cake for Shabbos can wait, but the time spent with a child will never wait. It’s like a rainbow, or a ray of sunlight, which can never be captured and stored away for a more convenient time. And those precious moments are creating something much more significant than anything else we can do (I had to remind myself of this when my daughter asked me to pleeeeease watch my granddaughter tomorrow morning, during my precious writing time). Yes, we are privileged to know this intellectually, but we need to be reminded of it again and again – and again, especially in today's world where motherhood is frowned upon and intelligent women focus on professional advancement while leaving their children with a nanny, who no matter how well qualified she may be, will never substitute (and what mother would want them to substitute) for a mother's love and care. Anyway, enough introduction. On to the interview! Debbie Shapiro: Tell me a bit about your background. Chana: "I grew up in a high powered family. Both of my parents are doctors; I went to a private school; I grew up knowing that someday I would have a career. My brother graduated from Harvard Law at the top of his class, so that was what I was aiming for – not to be a lawyer, but that was the general direction. But instead, five years after my college graduation, I found myself a mother." Debbie Shapiro: How did you make the transformation from future career woman to full time mother? Chana: "I didn't grow up in a religious home. I wasn't interested in traveling to Israel, I wanted to go someplace exotic, like Nepal. In college I majored in the Russian language and political science, and was planning to spend my junior year of college in the Soviet Union. But that year, 1991, the political situation in the Soviet Union was extremely unstable and my mother strongly suggested that I change my plans. "My grandmother had put aside money for each of her grandchildren to travel to Israel. She was a big Zionist – in the thirties she taught Hebrew in the New York public schools -- and wanted us to be connected Jewishly. I thought that if I were to come to Israel, I could use my Russian to work with the new Russian immigrants. I came to Israel and immediately fell in love with the country. "At first I lived with a family friend, but eventually I had to find another place to stay. I went to the Old City and saw a sign for the Jewish Student Information Center, this was Jeff Seidel's place [he's the guy with the Saddle Shoes]. I wasn’t at all religious at the time, but I thought, 'Well, I'm a Jewish student, and maybe they can give me information.' I told them that I was looking for a place to live, and they told me that I could live at Neve Yerushalayim. I was suspicious about studying in an Orthodox place, so I said, 'Well, I can't go to any classes. I'm very busy. I go to Ulpan and I do volunteer work with the Russians.' But they said that I could live at Neve without taking classes, so I agreed. But once I moved there, I was fascinated, and enrolled as a full-time student. "I eventually met my husband through a mutual friend, and two years after I was married I became a mother. But although I was religious and creating a family, I was still very much in the mindset of a professional -- and I was totally lost. I had no idea how to view what I was doing; I felt as if I was a total loser. I looked in the mirror and saw a loser, someone who was just a simple housewife. I had been brainwashed to believe that if a woman is not making money and not working outside of the house, she's just wasting her life. "Interesting enough, my parents really approve of what I am doing. A few years ago my mother said to me, 'Maybe you'll stay at home until all your children are in first grade.' My mother sees that my staying home is good for my children and for me too." Debbie Shapiro: How did you get involved in promoting motherhood? Chana: "To strengthen myself, I was fixated on the topic of motherhood. I started attending lots of classes and reading anything I could get my hands on about the subject. I was totally focused on this one topic, and I still am. Because of that I started producing articles, and later short videos, to spread the things that I learned. "Before I had my first child, I realized that although I was taking care of my physical needs – doing all the proper blood tests, ingesting the right amount of vitamins - I had no idea what was the Jewish way of anticipating a new member of the family. I looked at other Jewish mothers and thought, 'These women must know something that I don't.' So I interviewed women about their experiences. Expecting Miracles was the product of those interviews. It’s a very popular book and sold a lot of copies." Debbie Shapiro: What wisdom did you glean from the interviews? Chana: "Many women spoke about how a woman should work hard on her middos and do extra mitzvos because in that way she impacts her future children's neshomos. One of the women I interviewed, a very high powered Yale graduate and a former lawyer, said that she realized that in becoming a mother, she was more powerful than she had ever been because she had become a vessel of the Almighty. "When I first began writing this book, I was getting a master's from Hebrew University. I viewed this work as something like a sociological study—I was an outsider looking in. I was interviewing these curious specimens of a religious society. But as I continued working on the project, I realized that I was getting pulled into it. I realized that I am a frum woman, and that these women are me! This totally changed the outlook of the book. It was a very important transition for me personally. I started identifying myself as being part of the community, rather than an outsider looking in. I learned that my very being is a religious person, not just a person who does the mitzvos and wears the long skirts. "After Expecting Miracles was published, the natural progression was for me to write about motherhood, the parenting process. I went to parenting classes. That was a whole new world for me. I learned that a mother is a mother forever." Debbie Shapiro: Most of your writing seems to be geared to at home mothers. Do you think that all mothers should stay at home when their children are young? Chana: "A wise Rebbetzin once told me that a person must do whatever she needs to do to be a better mother. Some women need to get out to work. They need to feel fulfilled in the workplace. Other women are best being home with the children. But whether a woman works or stays home, the main focus should be her family. "It's very important for me to have my creative time in the morning, the few hours that I am writing my articles or books, or producing the mother videos." Debbie Shapiro: Every week, Chana sends out a weekly email containing a link to an online video on the joys of motherhood. Usually they're short two to three minute interviews with mothers, talking about how they've grown through the challenge of raising a family. Last week, it showed women reciting Tehillim at the Kosel, many of them holding young babies in their hands. The video concluded with the following words, "When parents asked the Steipler Gaon, 'How can I raise wonderful children?' He answered them, 'There are two ways. Create peace in your home and Pray.'" This video was to promote the Shla's special prayer for our children, which is customarily recited on erev Rosh Chodesh Sivan. Debbie Shapiro: How did you get involved in producing videos? Chana: "I wanted to promote my book on motherhood. Everyone I spoke to about it told me that the best way to do that is through producing a video, since video is today's 'hot media.' I hired a videographer. He suggested that we interview twenty five frum mothers about the joys of being a mother. It took ten hours (!) of interviews to produce a four minute advertisement. But those interviews made me realize that there is tremendous material, unbelievable material out there; material that can be used to encourage mothers. "I've been working on producing these videos for the last four or five months. I taught myself how to use a simple editing program, and I got in touch with frum woman musicians for the background music. It's been a lot of fun, and I've gotten tremendous feedback. One Rebbetzin in New York told me that she had been working with a baalas teshuva who was ambivalent to the idea of having a family. The Rebbetzin told her to watch my videos, and after that, her entire outlook changed! I recently met a mother on the street and she told me, 'We always think that being a mother is just something we do, that it's nice. But when I watch your movies, I realize that I'm doing something very, very important!' "These films have been viewed over 35,000 times! I don't know if the people viewing them are religious or not, but even religious people need validation that what they're doing is very, very important. Motherhood needs good PR; after all, it's gotten terrible PR in the secular world. When most people hear the term 'Jewish mother' they think of jokes about an overprotective bossy woman whose greatest joy is making her children feel guilty. I want to change that. I want people to understand that a Jewish mother is creating a mikdash me'at, and through doing that she is doing the most important thing in the whole wide world!" Debbie Shapiro: Where do you see yourself going from here? Chana: "I'm not sure, but above my computer I wrote a three point mission statement; my three goals. "One, I want to use my different creative projects to be a shlicha for Hashem. I feel that Hashem guides me in the most bizarre ways. Who would have thought that I would produce videos, but Hashem guided me to it and it's a wonderful kiruv tool. "Two, I want to be connected with those things that are eternal, Am Yisrael, Toras Yisrael, Hashem. I try to make sure that my work connects me with that which is eternal because I am constantly asking Hashem to guide me. I try to figure out what He wants from me; does He want me to write that article? Am I more interested in making a lot of money or in helping people become close to Hashem? "My third goal is to create a thriving, happy, close and healthy family." Debbie Shapiro: Can you give us some hints for creating that thriving, happy, close and healthy family? Chana: "The most important thing for a happy family is a happy mother. It is crucial that a mother take care of herself; that she figures out what she needs to be happy and thrive, and then gets it (within reason of course! Debbie). Women sometimes feel that to be good mothers, they must be martyrs. Instead, they should take a step back and ask, 'What do I need to be healthy? What do I need to thrive?' When you enter a home with a thriving mother, the atmosphere is positive. But imagine entering a home where the mother is miserable and feels like a victim, like the family servant. What a terrible atmosphere for the children to grow up in! In one of my videos, the mother being interviewed quoted a famous expression, 'If Mommy's unhappy, no one is happy.' I truly believe that. "We need to take responsibility for our own happiness. That means putting our lives in order and then deciding what we need to be happy. Instead of complaining, 'My husband doesn't help me; my boss dislikes me,' we have to stand up and say what we need, and then make it happen. Make a list of the ten things you need to thrive, and then make sure that you get them!" Debbie Shapiro: Ladies, aren’t we special? In raising our families, in doing all the mundane things we do over and over and over again to keep our homes running smoothly, we are creating something eternal! I know it's difficult. Been there, done that, and still doing. And even with grandchildren, I often forget that my reactions and attitude are forming little neshomos, and that I shouldn’t sweat the small stuff (although when I found smiley faces carved into the backs of my good dining room chairs, it was a difficult, to say the least. Thank G-d for marking pens and olive oil!). No one expects perfection, just a teensy tiny baby step in the right direction.

Traditional Women's Prayers for Pregnancy

JewishMom — Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000

Traditional Women's Prayers for Pregnancy The following techinot are for women to recite during pregnancy (Appeared Originally in the Yiddish Zultsbach prayer book from 1825): “May it be your will G-d, my L-rd and the L-rd of my ancestors, that you will ease for me the difficulty of pregnancy, and that You will increase my strength, and the strength of my fetus, so that my strength and the strength of my fetus will not be weakened by any weakness or loss of strength. And that you will save me from the slip of Eve, who was punished, “I will increase your suffering and distress, with suffering you will give birth to children.” When my time to give birth will arrive, I will give birth easily, and without any pain, and the baby will go out into the air of the world easily, and without any harm to me or to the baby. And the baby will be born with good luck [mazal tov], into life, peace, health, wealth, and honor, and will find grace in Your eyes and in the eyes of all your creations, and through this child will be fulfilled the verse: “There will not be a mourner or a barren woman in your land, I will give you a full life,” so you will complete my days and years, and my husband and I will be able to raise this child to serve You and we will merit to teach this child your holy Torah, and we will merit to have peace and wealth, honor and rest. And guard us, my fetus and me, that we will not be harmed, not physically, and not in any of our limbs, and not in any of our nerves, and not in our skin and not in our flesh, and not on the inside of our bodies or on the outside. And you will strengthen my courage, my strength, and my might, as it says: “There will be healing for your flesh, and refreshment for your bones.” My eyes are raised up to You, so that You will answer me, G-d, my L-rd, and I will rejoice in G-d, Who helps me and saves me, G-d my savior, who rushes to assist me. I am looking forward to your salvation, G-d, at every moment. G-d, hear my voice, have mercy upon me and answer me. Do this for the sake of the holy Patriarchs, who resided in dust, and in the merit of their good deeds. You will remember their love and you will keep alive their seed, and you will save me from all bad sicknesses and painful things, and you will bless me, as You promised in your holy Torah through Moses, the loyal one of Your house, “I will love you, and bless you, and increase you, and I will bless the fruit of your womb and the fruit of your land: your wheat, your wine, your pure oil, the increase of your cattle and the flocks of your sheep, in the land which G-d swore to your ancestors to give to you. You will be blessed above all the nations, and there will be no barren men or women among you or among your cattle.” So too you should bless me, and have mercy upon me, and answer me, and lengthen our days with goodness and pleasantness, as it is written, “I will satisfy him with long days, and I will show him my salvation,” Amen. Traditional Prayer (Techina) for the Husband to recite during Wife's Pregnancy: Master of the Universe! I thank You for your graciousness to me in granting your maidservant, my wife, pregnancy. May the Name of G-d be blessed and uplifted above all blessing and praise. Therefore, may it be Your will, Hashem our G-d, and G-d of our ancestors, to have mercy on all the pregnant women of Your nation Israel. Ease their suffering in pregnancy, and save them from miscarrying an unborn child. Spare those that are in labor from all evil with Your abundant compassion, and let them give birth to (children that will have) good lives. Among them, may Your compassion come forth on behalf of my wife, Your maidservant (fill in wife's name) daughter of (fill in mother-in-law's name) and ease the pains of her pregnancy, and when the term of her pregnancy is complete, may she give birth easily, and let the child be born into the world at an appropriate time with good fortune for us and for the child. Let no sickness or blemish affect the mother or the child. May the child be whole in all its limbs and senses. May goodness be decreed upon this child, so that it will have good fortune. May I rejoice in my offspring and may my wife be happy with her children in this world and in the world to come, so that we may not be ashamed or discomfited, and not stumble forever and ever. In Your great, mighty and awesome holy Name we trust. Oh G-d, full of mercy, be abundantly merciful with us, and seal the mouth of the accuser that he not harm my wife at the time she gives birth, and may all those that rise up against us to do harm fall with terror and dread, and be silent as if struck by a stone before Your mighty right hand. Bring Your compassion swiftly to assist us, for we are brought very low.

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JewishMom — Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000

Making Pregnancy Spiritual We often get so caught up in the physical side of being pregnant- the blood-tests, the nausea, the doctors’ appointments – that we are unable to concentrate on the spiritual significance of these nine months. But if we open our eyes, we can be profoundly inspired by life’s greatest wonder- that through the cooperation of three partners- husband, wife, and the Creator of the World, a unique soul has descended from Heaven in order to grow into a human being inside of us. Focusing on this privilege can help us to overcome the physical and emotional challenges of pregnancy and birth- from the discomfort of back pain, to the emotional ups and downs of these nine months, to fears about the arrival of a new baby. A rebbetzin and mother of over a dozen children told me that during her pregnancies she would often think of the Chassidic teaching that every child is a living Torah. Even as she felt herself dragging from her growing girth, she would remind herself to hold her head a little higher, as if she was parading around a synagogue with an actual Torah scroll in her arms. While her approach towards making pregnancy more Jewish and meaningful is original, it is typical of the efforts of countless Jewish women since the beginning of our people’s history to create ways to thank G-d for blessing them with a child. Through learning more about these traditions, we can connect ourselves back to other Jewish women since the time of Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah who went through exactly what we are going through now. We can learn from their experience and wisdom to maintain awareness of the miracle of pregnancy, and to request Divine assistance during these vulnerable months. Traditional Women’s Prayers for Pregnancy (Techinot) Some Psalms for Pregnancy Auspicious Traditions for Pregnancy (Segulot) The Miraculous Lubavitch Quintuplets Bagels and LINKS Holy Teachings on Pregnancy by Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach Ask the Rabbi: Fasting on Yom Kippur during Pregnancy

JewishMom — Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000

My Birth by Sara Zaddok (Chana Weisberg’s favorite birth story of all!) Some Thoughts for a Spiritual Birth (that worked for me and my friends) Traditional Women’s Prayers (techinot) for Birth Some Psalms for Better Birthing Auspicious Practices (Segulot) for 9th Month and Birth A Chassidic Woman’s Reflections on Birthing by Yehudis Golshevsky A Kabbalistic Birth Meditation by Rabbi Yitzhak Ginsburgh Holy C-Sections Three Earth-Shaking Birth Stories

JewishMom — Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000

Thank Heaven for LITLE GIRLS!! by Rabbi Shraga Simmons My Story of a Special Bris (Circumcision) Circumcision: Beautiful or Barbaric? by Rabbi Shraga Simmons (A MUST-READ ARTICLE!) Holy Teachings on Parenting by Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach Mazal tov! and Baby-Naming Links My Favorite 9 Fantastic Resources for Jewish Moms Raising Yehuda: When a Baby Has Down’s Syndrome by Rabbi Nechemia Coopersmith The Task at Hand: How a Busy Mother Serves God by Debbie Shapiro

JewishMom — Thu, 01 Jan 1970 00:00:00 +0000

Infertility and Loss Links Strength and Hope following Miscarriage and Stillbirth: One Mother’s Journey In Joy I Reap- One Infertile Couple’s Journey to Parenthood

About

JewishMOM.com — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 21:02:27 +0000

Chana Jenny Weisberg, the creator of this blog, is a stay-home mother of 6 children living in Jerusalem with her husband Rabbi Joshua Weisberg. Originally from Baltimore, Chana has devoted her non-mom time over the past decade to providing inspiration and encouragement for other Jewish moms through her popular books Expecting Miracles and One Baby Step at a Time, inspirational articles, the Jewish Mom video series, the website JewishMOM.com, as well as her extremely popular weekly newsletter. What others have said about The JewishMom.com Blog and weekly newsletter: My dear and beloved Chana, I admire you so much. I admire how you connect motherhood with faith, and your sense of humor, and your Yirat Shamayim, but more than anything else, I admire how you understand that Jewish women are God's princesses, and that our children are the means through which we express that royalty…Hashem is so proud of you, and so am I. With much love, Rabbanit Yemima Mizrachi "I am now officially 'addicted' to this blog. It is the only regular email I receive (and I receive many) that I always read cover to cover...Chana Jenny, you humbly allow yourself to learn and grow, and you take your viewers/readers along with you on that journey." --Rishe Deitsch, Editor of the N'shei Chabad Newsletter Dear Chana, I feel like almost EVERY SINGLE video peptalk you give is about EXACTLY the thing that was bothering me as a mother that week. What I love about your blog is that you are just SUCH A MOM! You have the exact same problems as me. --Neta, Mother of 3, Ramat Beit Shemesh, Israel Dear Chana, I love your stuff! I love your postings so much that I often forward them to the mommies of the Montessori nursery school running out of 2 log cabins in my back yard. --Naomi, Nursery School Principal, Johannesberg, South Africa Dear Chana, Your blog reminds me that I am a member of a blessed, wonderful, world-wide community of really, really brave Jewish mothers. --Yikrat, Mother of 7, Jerusalem, Israel Dear Chana, When I get angry at my eldest daughter, I tend to 'lose it' with her. You taught me how to stop at the start of my 'rant.' Thank you! Lianne, Mother of 2, New York, NY, USA Dear Chana, I love your blog! It has strengthened my relationship with my toddler and with my husband. It has also strengthened my faith so much and teaches me to believe in myself. Words cannot express the gratitude I feel towards you! Love, Sara, Mother of 1, Toronto, Canada Dear Chana, I love reading your newsletter because you talk about real issues in a real way. This blog is tremendously inspirational. Sincerely, Sharona, Mother of 6, Jerusalem, Israel Dear Chana, Your weekly posts are often the only thing I look forward to reading via email. Your newsletters certainly cheer me up on a horrible day after coping with work and caring for a baby. Although we don't know each other, I spout your advice and stories like I’m quoting a friend. Thank you for being there for me, Liba, Mother of 1, West Hartford, CT, USA Dear Chana, I have been faithfully following your blog and inhaling your mommy peptalks since I found the blog about a month or so ago. You are fantastic." --Jennifer, mother of 4, Elizabeth, NJ, USA More wonderful reviews and articles featuring Chana Jenny Weisberg have appeared in: Hadassah Magazine, Jewish Telegraph Agency, Haaretz, The Jewish Press, Jewish Chronicle, the Jerusalem Report, Chicago Jewish News, Baltimore Jewish Times, Jewish News Weekly of Northern California, JOFA Journal, Jewsweek, Yated Neeman, Wisconsin Jewish Chronicle, JBooks and more. Chana would love to hear from you!

5 Keys to Feeling your Best

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 08:46:47 +0000

This Week's JewishMom.com Update

This Week's Mommy Peptalk: 5 Keys to Feeling your Best
Looking for volunteers for Loss-Support Organization
Cool new prayer-partner initiative
An article by me "The Deepest Pleasure"

Shalom Jewish Moms! 1. This past week, I read an incredibly fascinating book called Women's Moods about the hormonal rollercoaster that all of us are riding on. This Week's Mommy Peptalk "5 Keys to Feeling Your Best" describes the 5 Keys recommended in Women's Moods so that we all can stay happy, stable (and at least somewhat normal) as this scary rollercoaster races towards the clouds and then plummets earthward. http://chanaweisberg.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=3518150 2. Rachel Tal, founder of HUG (an organization providing support for women following miscarriage, stillbirth, and loss of an infant), is looking for Israel-based volunteers for HUG. A huge mitzvah opportunity for an amazing organization and cause! Learn more at this link: http://chanaweisberg.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=3516427&pid=33987501#post33987501 3. For years, I thought it would be great to set up women on this list as prayer partners. Two women who are about to give birth, for example, could pray for each other for an easy birth (since our Sages teach us that when you pray for your friend, you will be answered first). Turns out, someone beat me to it! Scroll down to read about "Kol Mitpalel"'s fantastic prayer initiative, and contact them to get your prayer partner. With blessings, Chana Jenny Weisberg, JewishMom.com

4. Everything Good is Hard by Chana Jenny Weisberg

This was another intense week. Last Sunday, I hung out with a mom struggling with the disappointment and frustration of a series of failed fertility treatments. On Monday, I met with a young mother who was still reeling from a stillbirth right before Passover. On Wednesday, I visited a mother whose teenage daughter hates her and has rejected everything this devoted and amazing mother holds sacred. And last night I spoke with an old friend who shared that the final months of her most recent pregnancy were an extended nightmare of frequent panic attacks and debilitating anxiety. We tend to think of being a mom as something so natural, so cheerful, so rosy-cheeked…"As American as motherhood and Apple Pie." But as I get older, and experience more experiences and meet and speak with more moms, I am struck more and more by the occupational hazards of motherhood. A professional choice as dangerous, as disaster-prone (at least on an emotional level) as coalmining or car-racing or sky-scraper window washing. At the finale of this week spent ruminating upon the riskiness of my chosen lifepath, I was reading (for the umpteenth time) Rabbi Noach Weinberg zt"l brilliant "48 Ways to Wisdom" (available on Aish.com) and came across the following quotation: "If you spend your life avoiding pain, you will also avoid its deepest pleasures." Which reminded me of a very emotional event I'd attended a few hours before. My dear friend, who has struggled for years and years and years with infertility, who has endured thousands of shots and hundreds of painful treatments and the ongoing kind of searing disappointment that only a woman who yearns to hold a child in her arms can fathom, watched as her newborn son was passed over to the prayer-shawled mohel at his brit. After the brit, when I wished the father "Mazal Tov!" I looked into his flushed face and realized that until that moment I had never in my life been a witness to true happiness. A life without the responsibilities and risks and struggles of motherhood is probably a much easier life. But a life devoid of pain is also a life chronically, tragically, profoundly devoid of true joy. To view this article and post a comment online click here: http://chanaweisberg.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=3518160 Kol Mitpalel's Prayer Initiative PRAYING FOR SOMETHING? Our Rabbis tell us (Bava Kamma 92A) that "He who prays on behalf of a fellow friend with similar needs, Hashem answers him first." Kol Hamitpalel is an organization that matches people with similar needs for whom they can pray. The service is STRICTLY ANONYMOUS and FREE. Miraculous stories abound of those who prayed and were answered. Kol Hamitpalel was featured in Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation's Chesed Magazine and numerous Gedolim have spoken about it. Dear Friend, We are trying to let 10,000 people know about Kol Hamitpalel's free service via email. Do your part and pass it along to at least ten people. Thank you! JOIN OTHERS WHO HAVE HAD THEIR PRAYERS ANSWERED. Contact Kol Hamitpalel via email connect@kolhamitpalel.com or by phone 646-294-4355. Some of the Categories: Shidduch- Marriage Refuah Shelemaha- speedy recovery Parnassah-income Couples to have children Expectant mothers-easy labor/healthy baby Teshuvah/Chizuk- strengthening one's self religiously Success in raising children Success in learning Shalom Bayit- peace in the home Court Cases In the merit of spreading word of this wonderful and free service may Hashem answer all of your Tefilot and those of your family amongst those of Klal Yisrael for only good things and bring the Mashiach speedily and in our time. Amen. TIZKU LEMITZVOS

Finding Satisfaction

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 08:55:25 +0000

This Week's JewishMom.com Update

This week's Mommy Peptalk: Finding Satisfaction the Jewish Way
My JewishMom vacation
For moms of special needs kids
JewishMom Mazal Tovs!!!

Shalom Jewish Moms! 1. First of all, enjoy this week's new mommy peptalk entitled "Finding Satisfaction the Jewish Way"- my JewishMom response to the extremely awful book "Satisfaction: The Science behind finding True Fulfillment." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_XTtkEKiMc0 2. A neighbor asked me last week what projects I'm working on nowadays. "Are you working on a new book?" "No." "Are you making any new videos about amazing Jewish moms?" "No." "Publishing any new articles?" "No." She wasn't sure what to say. It was a bit awkward. For whatever reason, I didn't want to tell her my new secret, but I will share it with you- my dear mailing list member. The truth is that I have decided to take my first ever JewishMom.com "vacation." I am planning to keep up with my mommy peptalks and these weekly inspirational updates and newsletters, but mostly I am planning on devoting the next while to reading and pondering new ideas that I really hope will ultimately enrich and add new important insights to my future projects when I return to regular JewishMom activity. I have enjoyed my first month of JewishMom vacation immensely, and I hope that you moms ultimately will get a lot out of it as well! A bunch of readers asked about the books that I recommended in last week's peptalk. The first is Battle Plans by Sara Rigler and Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller (my favorite book), and the second is Women's Moods by Dr. Deborah Sichel and Jeanne Watson Driscoll. 3. Mothers on this list with special needs children might be interested in this new Baltimore-based initiative to create an online database for Jewish parents of special needs kids. Click on this link to learn more and see how you can help: http://chanaweisberg.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=3525817 4. Finally, a huge JewishMom.com mazal tov to Real Jewish Moms video stars Rachel Oppenheim and Ilana Solomon. In their videos, these moms describe their struggle to carry babies to term, and this month both gave birth to healthy babies! Thank you, G-d!!!! Mazal tov to Rachel on the birth of her eighth child, Margalit Odelia (see her movie here http://chanaweisberg.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=2511891) Mazal tov to Ilana on the birth of her third child, Yisrael David! See her movie here: http://chanaweisberg.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=3038842 With blessings, Chana Jenny Weisberg, JewishMom.com

Choosing Happiness Today

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 09:10:49 +0000

This Week's JewishMom.com Newsletter

This Week's Mommy Peptalk: "Choosing Happiness Today"
Aish.com's amazing Fathers Day Video

Shalom Jewish Moms! 1. This week's mommy peptalk is called "Choosing Happiness Today." Some thoughts on how we can be happy even though our current situation feels so incredibly imperfect. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bc4DZEwvoA8] 2. In honor of Fathers Day, JewishMom.com wants to take this opportunity to salute our partners in parenting- JEWISH DADS! Thank you, Dads, for being our best friends, for being there in the best of times and the worst of times, for supporting us and loving us and enabling us to be the best moms possible. I have watched this video "Still My Daddy" a bunch of times, and it makes me cry each time. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVQP6GL-Ps0] Thank you Dads! With blessings, Chana Jenny Weisberg, JewishMom.com

So What Have You Been Doing the Whole Day?!

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 09:15:18 +0000

This week's peptalk "So What Have you been doing the Whole Day?!"is about rethinking how we define our "accomplishments" in life. Watch it here… [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sNtlDQ1fzs] Also, thanks to the mailing list member who sent this link for a great site on the importance and how-to of self-care for moms. (I love to receive your recommendations on sites, videos, and books for moms- please keep sending!). http://www.firstourselves.com/

What is Your Motherstyle?

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 09:16:34 +0000

What is your Motherstyle? By Chana Jenny Weisberg

Over the past decade, all of my children have attended Naama's nursery school, and after all these years Naama continues to be a total mystery to me. How can she possibly be the mother of 8 young children and still have the energy to run an excellent, densely-curriculumed nursery school for close to 30 rambunctious 3-year-olds? Where on earth does she get her energy? The wonder that Naama inspires in me is even greater because I know that if I had to take over the reins at Naama's Nursery School for even half an hour, I would have to spend the rest of the day in bed in order to recover from the emotional hurricane of 28 small children bouncing around me like kangaroos and spinning like Tasmanian devils. For years, I've thought about this Naama vs. Me conundrum, and for years I've hypothesized that the difference between us is an American-Israeli difference. A friend suggested alternatively: "Different moms just have different energy levels." That made me feel pretty worm-like, to find myself cast in the lackluster role of "low-energy" mom. But this week I finally figured out why Naama and I are so different, thanks to the amazing MUST-READ book Motherstyles: Using Personality Types to Discover your Parenting Strengths by Janet P. Penley (Lifelong Books). This book helps mothers to discover their personal parenting style based on 4 categories. 1. What is your Personal Energy Source? Introvert or Extrovert 2. What is your Preferred Source of Information? Sensing or Intuition 3. How do you make Decisions? Thinking or Feeling 4. How do you like your Outer World Structured? Judging or Perceiving I highly recommend that you learn more about these different categories and take a brief online test to figure out your personal motherstyle at http://www.motherstyles.com/quiz.asp I really think that knowing our motherstyles can bring about a revolutionary improvement in our mothering abilities and lives. Out of all these categories, I've been thinking the most about category Number 1, Introvert vs. Extrovert, which, I now think, is also the long-awaited solution to the Naama vs. Me conundrum. First of all, I should explain that according to Motherstyles, Introvert Moms are not necessarily withdrawn wall-flowers, and Extrovert Moms are not necessarily the belly-laughing lives of the party. According to Motherstyles, not all introverts are shy at all. What determines if you are Introvert or Extrovert mom is what kind of experience you need to plug yourself into in order to stay charged and energized as a mother. Let's say, for example, that you have a bunch of amazing guests for an enjoyable Shabbat lunch. Afterwards, do you feel energized by this intense interaction with a lot of fascinating people and ready to dash off with your double stroller to the playground to meet some friends, or do you feel like you need to curl up into fetal position in your bed for half an hour with the door locked to recover your equilibrium enough to face your kids again? Another question: if you had 24 hours to spend however you wished, what would you do? Almost all moms, according to Motherstyles, would choose the solitude of home for the morning, drinking a cup of tea and enjoying a good magazine and JewishMom.com videos for a few hours. The differences show up when you ask moms how they would spend that dream afternoon. An extrovert would meet with friends at a restaurant and then go off en masse to check out the new store at the mall. Introverts, even after that quiet morning, still haven't yet filled up their reserves of solitude. The Introvert Mom would then check herself into an hotel room for rest of her 24 hours, lock the door and put on the chain, and lie in bed with a pile of books. Pure Heaven! The Extrovert Mom is also called the "minivan mom." She is the mom whose favorite time with her children is spent zooming off in her minivan to another new location- the zoo, the science museum, the pool. An afternoon spent hanging out at home is torture for the extrovert mom. For the introvert mom, on the other hand, the minivan itself is an instrument of torture. Dealing and communicating with so many people while navigating the way to a new place would leave her exhausted by the time they arrived at their destination. Figuring out whether you are an Introvert or Extrovert mom can help each of us know what we need in order to recharge, and remain happy and thriving mothers. Extrovert Moms, for example, need action and variety and social contact in order to be the best moms possible- through employment or joining a group or connecting with friends on the phone or even email. Introverts, on the other hand, need solitude in order to recharge and be pumped moms. For many years, I, for example, have taken a rest in the middle of every afternoon. My kids are jumping on me for most of this "rest," and it's definitely not the recommended solitude, but this half an hour time-out from the intense family interactions of a Weisberg afternoon is an absolute necessity for me to get through the day without blowing my top by 5 PM. I don't mean that I am a hermit. I also really enjoy quiet one on one conversations at the playground, or with my children at home, but what really gives me energy is a quiet walk on my own to think my own thoughts with nobody to talk to, or an hour lying in bed staring into space or reading a good book. Introvert moms like me are in the minority, and we can often feel inadequate and worm-like in comparison with the Naamas of the world. Which is why it is so important, Motherstyle author Janet Penley explains, for us introvert moms to learn to value our special ability to "connect with the depth of life." Every type of mom has her own strengths, every type of mom faces her own challenges. Through self-awareness, every mom can ultimately become the best possible mom for her child. Motherstyles ends with this nice story, and I think I will too… Pablo Picasso said, "My mother told me, 'If you are a soldier, you will become a general. If you are a monk, you will become the Pope.' Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso." The world says you can become whatever you want. Perhaps you wanted to become a lawyer, or doctor, or scholar, or scientist, or artist. Perhaps you were a lawyer, doctor, scholar, scientist, or artist, before you had children. Or maybe you haven't fulfilled your dream. Either way, you became a mother. I hope that someday you will be able to say, '"Instead I was a mother, and I became my best self." I believe Jung said that women would transform the world simply by being their own true selves…The world needs your voice, your piece of truth, your individuality, and your womanhood. The children need you! Be brave. Be yourself. Become the best you. And know, in your heart, that your children will surely follow.

The Best Mom of the Year is YOU!

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 09:19:39 +0000

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPgtycrgAJw]

What is the Secret to JewishMom Happiness?

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 09:34:32 +0000

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtXn5EPai30] I also wanted to share some cool JewishMOM links with you... I read such a poignant and smart article this week about motherhood by Tziporah Price called Don't miss it! Also, I just found out that one of my all time favorite teachers, Leah Golomb, is now teaching ONLINE for FREE! Her classes on the Torah Portion and faith are filled with her incredible knowledge of Torah and Chassidic teachings, mixed in with her incredible life experiences (she has lived through a lot- life as a mother of triplets and, lehavdil, a kidney transplant- an amazing amazing person!). She teaches with 100% of her gut and soul. Highly recommended! Sign up at www.WebYeshiva.org Also, for moms who live in Israel and understand Hebrew, This Tuesday and Wednesday (July 14-15) the incredible, annual Binyan Shalem conference is going to be taking place at the Binyanei Hauma conference center in Jerusalem. I think of Binyan Shalem as a 2-Day-long Mommy Peptalk. Two days of non-stop fascinating classes on marriage, motherhood, and Jewish womanhood. I'm going to be there, along with many, many thousands of other moms. Just being in the company of that many Jewish moms also in search of inspiration is in itself intensely inspiring. Click here to learn more Rabbi Elyakim Levanon shlita says you can deduct the entrance fee from your Maaser money. Hope to see you there!

The English Battle

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 08:15:47 +0000

If you met my kids, you would do a double-take. My children are Israelis through and through. They are proud sabras who only speak English under extreme duress. They relate to English in the same way my grandparents related to their parents' Yiddish- so uncool, so Old Country, so embarrassing… But I am undeterred. I try to speak only English with my children. It is important to me that I am able to communicate with the people closest to me in the language in which I feel most comfortable. It is important to me that my children will be able to have a strong relationship with their English-speaking grandparents and relatives. It is important to me that my kids will have at least some connection to the culture that I grew up in and that still shapes who I am in many ways. But speaking English with my kids is a battle. They wish I would finally just speak with them in Hebrew, like their father. They can't understand why I would continue to speak English when I could speak The Holy Language, the language with which G-d Himself created the world. And they have a point. But I think I do too. So, in the Weisberg home, I speak English, and my children, all the way from my eleven year old down to my two year old answer me only in Hebrew. Which makes me feel that my battle is quite futile, quite often. Therefore, one of the most profoundly satisfying experiences in my life is on those very rare occasions when I see that my ongoing battle of English has managed to capture even a few meters of territory. During grandparent visits, for example, when I finally hear one of my children say something like: "Savta, you vant to go to playground?" "Saba, you vant to hear song I learn?" "Savta, you could make me zee the appo juice?" Their broken yet understandable English is my proof in life that little by little, day by day I am slowly, imperceptibly, irrevocably shaping and educating my children- like morning glories turning slower than the human eye can see in order to face the Sun.

Welcome to our New Blog!

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 08:33:24 +0000

My friend and list-member Alyson Spindell of Riverdale, NY was just telling me what a great addition a blog could make to JewishMom.com, by providing moms with easy access to all the newest articles and videos on JewishMom.com. So WELCOME to our new blog! I am excited about this new forum to share inspiring ideas and to hear your thoughts:) Click to receive the JewishMom.com weekly newsletter so you will be the first to hear what's new on this blog and JewishMom.com! Yaaaay! Jewish Moms of the World, UNITE!

The Happiness War

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 09:39:06 +0000

I spoke with a mom this week who is drifting around in the Jewish mom doldrums. "This sounds awful," she confessed, "but when I am with my kids, I just don't feel happy. I'm in a good mood at work or when I'm on my own at home doing housework etc., but when I'm with my kids, I am just waiting for the moment they will fall asleep. Even though I try to pretend to be happy and upbeat for them, in my heart of hearts when I am with my kids I feel mostly depressed and bored." While we don't often admit it, I think these feelings are common for moms. In his amazing book Happy Women Rabbi Shlomo Aviner describes the war that every mother must fight in order to stay happy. He writes: G-d will help you, but in order for that to happen you must, first of all, help yourself. "How can I help myself?" you ask. In every way possible. This is an all-out war, a war on all fronts, and like in the army, you must use all available weapons. So too, in order to be happy, you must use all kosher means, and all the kosher tricks at your disposal. These tricks don't get to the root of the problem, however they will solve it for the time being: Listen to music Read good books Listen to interesting classes Take trips and go to fun events Eat delicious (low-calorie) cakes Drink cans of juice Talk with your girlfriends until 3 AM (even though you still haven't cooked anything for Shabbat) It doesn’t matter! Your husband prefers a happy wife and a meal of sandwiches over a royal meal served by an angry and mournful wife. Food is not such an important thing. Anyway it disappears and it's as though it never existed. It's much more important that you make yourself happy. These tricks don't solve the problems at their root and they don't remove the difficulties and the crises…but these tricks can cause us to forget our problems, at least temporarily, so that it is possible to take care of the them. Just like the car mechanics say: "You can't fix the engine while it's under pressure." First of all, we need to remove our negativity. To make ourselves happy is a matter of life and death, literally, because happiness can add years to your life. From Nashim Smechot by Rabbi Shlomo Aviner, Sifriyat Chava, 2001 (translation by CJ Weisberg) Reprinted with permission from Rabbi Aviner Shlit"a.

Jewish Mom, BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 09:59:13 +0000

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fE7cjzk_u9c]

When the Expected turned into a Traumatic Termination by Leah Kotkes

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 09:23:20 +0000

A few weeks back, I received a review copy of Binah editor Leah Kotkes' newly-released autobiography The Map Seeker: One Woman's Quest. I LOVED IT! Read one of the book's most powerful sections below. It is Time to Count My Blessings: How I Coped when the Expected turned into a Traumatic Termination (An excerpt from a longer essay in The Map Seeker: One Woman’s Quest by Leah Kotkes (Israel Bookshop Publications) As I lie in the hospital bed I will myself to calm down, to take deep breaths, to realize G-d knew what He was doing, that there has to be a good reason for everything that had happened to me until this moment. I think about the word “acceptance”; it is easy to write. It is easy to say. The challenge is to live it, to understand its true meaning, to believe it and know that to accept will bring one closer to peace of mind and greater love of self, life and G-d. One of the women in labor (sharing my hospital room due to overflow from another department) is now pacing the room. I know that feeling of impending birth. I have held a newborn close to my heart and wept with joy, thank G-d. My husband and I have been blessed four times, may G-d protect them all, even though we have now lost three times. A loss is just a memory when you are able to look at the gifts in your life. The nightlight illuminates the color photograph of our boys. They are smiling at me. I love each of them dearly, with all my heart. Today is March 7, 2007. It is now 1:10 P.M. It is a time in my life to count blessings, to wake up to the reality of my life. I am living in the Land of Israel, in Jerusalem. I am married. I am a mother. I am living an ideal and trying to do my best, day by day. The past cannot be wiped away or changed. The future is in the Hands of G-d and my free will — the choices I make that He offers me. Only the present moment exists and it belongs to me, not a seventeen-year-old but a forty-three-year-old woman who learned today that acceptance is the key to the next passageway in life. If I accept my situation today I will heal, be able to take the next step, continue my role and purpose in this world, and along the way perhaps help another woman who is experiencing what I have just experienced. I could help because I have stood in her shoes more than once in my life and it is a lonely place when you don’t have someone to help you, someone to stand by you before and after the loss, someone to make meals for you because you are too tired or not motivated, someone to phone you to see how you are doing, someone to listen to the words in your heart and in your mind, someone who doesn’t disregard your loss because you have more children, but someone who respects your loss because it is a loss. The night before I was admitted to the hospital to have an operation to take out my sick baby in utero — a professional decision that was made after consultation with a committee of doctors and approved by my Rabbi— I received a gift via car service from a person who knew about my situation. The present was beautifully gift-wrapped and came with a card. There were only a few words in the card but they caused me to release a loud sob and cry to the Master of the Universe from a place within myself that I have never felt before. The words were “Always with you;” a double message, hence my response. She was telling me something that I know has to be and I want to be the foundation of my service of G-d— faith in G-d — that the Master of the Universe is always with me no matter what or when. I feel that this gesture of kindness from this woman of great faith is the most precious gift I have ever received — and I thank her for taking the time to think of me and reaching out to me in my time of need. I was comforted by her words — they helped me to continue with steadfast faith in the choices G-d makes for me and to believe that within each Jew lies the potential for greatness, for kindness that is far greater than man himself. Excerpted from Leah Kotkes's newly-released memoir The Map Seeker: One Woman’s Quest. Read about The Map Seeker at http://leahkotkes.com/the-map-seeker/ To order The Map Seeker click here About the Author Leah Kotkes is the director of The Writers’ Journey Seminars and Editor of The Annual Writers’ Journal. She is Features Editor and Features Writer for Binah Magazine. She hosts The Writers’ Club, a bi-monthly meeting in Jerusalem for new and experienced writers. She also mentors writers in person and online. Leah can be contacted at lifework@012.net.il. She is available to make referrals to Jewish woman writing mentors, writing teachers, and book publishers. For more details and to read samples of her published material which includes over 500 features, see her websites: www.lifework.co.il and www.leahkotkes.com.

My Top 10 Favorite Inspirational Ideas from the Jewish Mom Conference

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 09:27:23 +0000

This past week I attended the AMAZING annual "Binyan Shalem" conference- attended by over 5000 Jewish mommies from all over Israel who gather together to learn how to be better and more inspired Jewish moms. I LOVE "BINYAN SHALEM!" It is like a full-body 48-hour immersion in a Mommy PeptalkJ What could possibly be better;) I have SO much to tell you- I learned so many new inspiring ideas there, but it's so hard to figure out where to start and what to focus on… So I've decided to present you with my Top Ten Favorite Ideas from Binyan Shalem: 1. "To merit happiness is harder and tougher than any other kind of work. Happiness in spite of everything!" – Rebbe Nachman from Breslov There were great rabbis during the Holocaust who went around the concentration camps with shining smiles on their faces- providing inspiration and joy for all of the broken prisoners, "in spite of everything"! Our inevitable disappointments and frustrations and hardships don't have to determine our level of happiness. WE do! 2. "Every physical task of a mother is in fact Divine service." – The Lubavitcher Rebbe Where is the spirituality in changing diapers, vacuuming sand-filled carpets, and frying omelettes for your children who have just returned from summer camp rioting from hunger? A mom could easily become upset that she is wasting her life on lowly physical matters. But this Chassidic saying reminds us that taking care of the physical needs of others, including our children and husbands, is one of the highest forms of Divine service. Hey, I LOVE THIS QUOTE! 3."It is forbidden to grow old." Rebbe Nachman of Breslov It is a mother's gift and responsibility to experience the world with the enthusiasm of a child, but with the wisdom and insight of a grownup. This combination enables us to point out the awe-inspiring beauty of the thumbnail-sized orange and yellow flower poking up by the side of your front stairs, and to feel the wonder of the scrawled, crumpled crayon drawing of the Temple your 4-year-old just brought home from nursery school. We have the power through this perpetual wonder and youngness to grant our children one of life's greatest gifts and joys- heartfelt gratitude! 4. The physical aspects of maintaining our families- an orderly home, clean children, meals served on time, for example, are the vessels necessary to enable G-d's abundance and the glow of the Divine Presence to light up our homes. But we shouldn't go overboard. When we become overly focused on maintaining the physical vessel, the resulting stress and anger constrict the vessel and drive the Divine abundance away from our homes. – Tali Spiegel 5. "It is so important as a mother to see your home with 'spiritual vision.' The other day my mother-in-law arrived, and I was so distressed when I noticed that the windows were covered with my childrens' greasy fingerprints. But then I looked out that same window, and saw the view of Jerusalem in the distance, and remembered that as a mother in Israel I am fulfilling the dream of countless generations, and my distress was replaced with gratitude and wonder. That is the responsibility of every mother- to re-see our lives in a new and different way, through spiritual eyes." -Tali Spiegel 6. "Every child born is an additional sign of the faith G-d has in [every parent] when He deposits His most precious possession, a creation from the Treasury of Souls, in the parent's hands to care for and educate." Rabbi Shimshon Raphael Hirsch. G-d believes in you! He gave you His most treasured creation, a Jewish soul, to raise and love. 7. And on the same note: "Overly high self esteem is very bad, but low self esteem is far worse." Rabbi Yisrael Salanter. (These two quotations are the subject of this week's Mommy Peptalk "Jewish Mom, BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!) 8. "The central way we educate our children is by way of personal example. But this is extremely difficult, since we can fool everybody else in the world, except our children to whom we are completely transparent. Our children see who we REALLY are. Therefore, it is crucial that we continue to find time, despite our hectic mothering lives, to learn Torah and grow religiously." Rabbanit Bruria ben Shachar 9. "A person is whole in his mind and personal characteristics only when his spirit is happy…because happiness of spirit widens the mind and lifts up the heart in fear of G-d." Harav Kook, Ain Aya. In his class, Rabbi Mishael Rubin talked about the tendency of women to become overly self-critical, overly serious, and overly HEAVY. OY VEY! It is crucial, therefore, that every mother find a corner of enjoyment in her life. A dance class, a ceramics workshop, water aerobics- whatever you love, whatever enables you to feel joy in your life and in fulfilling your myriad motherhood responsibilities. Because we cannot serve G-d when we are sad! 10. "The key way to educate our children to become better people is to identify and encourage the characteristic (midah) behind our children's good deeds." -Rabbi Yona Goodman. Let's say, for example, that your child just shared his precious twizzlers with his younger sister. Instead of saying "That is so nice that you gave her some twizzlers!" take advantage of this educational opportunity! Say instead, "I see that you are a child who really knows how to share. Just like it says in the Torah, 'Love Your Neighbor as Yourself'." This encouragement of the characteristics (midot) behind good deeds can have a powerful transformative effect on our children!

Happiness Doesn't Feel Happy by Rabbi Shlomo Aviner

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 09:04:44 +0000

In a few mommy peptalks I have quoted one my favorite books Happy Women by Rabbi Shlomo Aviner. And moms always write to ask if this book exists in English, and I have to tell them the sad news- NO there is not English translation- but there SHOULD BE! Thank G-d, Rabbi Aviner just gave me permission to post translations of a few of my favorite chapters on the site. YAY! Enjoy! Happiness Doesn't Feel Happy by Rabbi Shlomo Aviner (Reprinted with permission from the book Happy Women) Lest you should say, "It's true that there is a commandment to perform mitzvot with joy, but what can I do if I simply don't feel any joy?" This is an important question, and the answer is just as important: you can be happy without feeling happy, and you can feel happy without being happy. Of course, I have nothing against feeling happy, but this is not the same thing as happiness. Happiness is not the same thing as enjoyment; happiness is a feeling of internal satisfaction from doing good things, and from fulfilling our obligations. It is similar to a feeling of joy (אושר). Pleasure, from eating delicious food for example, is fleeting. Enjoyment is felt for a moment and after that it disappears, and sometimes the pursuit of pleasure even turns into a disease. Western society is a society of pleasures, brimming with delicacies, but its citizens are miserable, and this situation is not new. For several hundred years the great Western writers have been describing miserable and suffering human beings, to whom the pleasures of the world do not bring happiness. People are in despair, broken, disgusted by life, nauseated by life, vomiting life. The French philosopher Sartre wrote a book called The Nausea. This is the constant emotional state of the Western human being- nausea from life. Another existentialist philosopher from Germany named Heidegger, described how a person has a feeling of Geworfeheit- having been thrown into the world. In other words, people feel thrown into a world devoid of meaning, and all of the pleasures of the world cannot fill the void within them with happiness. Our Sages compare the verse "And also the spirit will not be filled" (Ecclesiastes 6:7) with a princess who marries a townsperson who presents her with many luxuries, but her heart yearns for the palace of the king (Kohelet Raba). The soul is the princess, and food and drink cannot fill her: the soul has different aspirations altogether. The happiness of performing a mitzvah is close to the concept of joy (אושר). Joy is a constant experience that comes from the knowledge and from the internal consciousness of human beings that they are honest and good- and that if sometimes they fail, they can repent. We all know the question "Why do bad things happen to good people?" We won't respond to that question at the moment. We will only present what our Sages teach us, that in a certain sense there is no such thing as bad things happening to good people. Righteous people, tsaddikim, are joyful. They might be sick and impoverished, exiled from their homeland and beaten, but this does not cause them unhappiness. Also the reality of "good things happening to bad people?" does not exist. A person can have treasures and palaces, but if he is a bad person nothing will bring him happiness. The happiness of the mitzvah is the internal consciousness, the internal awareness of people that they are good and honest, and that they therefore lack nothing. They do not require any reward for this. "The reward for a mitzvah is a mitzvah" (Avot 4:2) They are happy that they have performed a mitzvah, and they yearn to perform yet another. Click here to read another great selection from Happy Women By Rabbi Aviner Shlit"a Reprinted with permission from Nashim Smechot by Rabbi Shlomo Aviner (Sifriyat Chava, 2001). Translated by CJ Weisberg

Mommy Peptalk: My Non-College Graduation and the Holy Temple

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 10:13:34 +0000

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0zd677J0AA]

The First Ever JewishMOM.com Book of the Month

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 08:34:34 +0000

I told you a few weeks back that I have decided to take an extended JewishMOM vacation. Meaning that for the next while I will be taking a break from writing articles for publication and creating videos (but I DO PLAN to continue these weekly blog updates and Mommy Peptalks). So for the last few months my main non-mothering project has been reading, reading, and reading. It is THE ABSOLUTE FUNNEST! As a result of all this reading, I've decided to introduce a new feature to this blog- The JewishMOM.com Book of the Month! This week's featured book is: Woman to Woman: Practical Advice and Classic Stories on Life's Goals and Aspirations by Rebbetzin Esther Greenberg (Artscroll). And here's why… This past week a friend stopped by who just had her first baby. What a CUTIE! A few years back, this friend became religious, married a wonderful guy, and gave up her dream (not to mention her parent's dream) that she would attend a top law school, and grow up to become a partner in a big law firm just like her dear old dad. Instead, my friend decided that her primary goal in life should be to be the best possible wife and mother and Jewish woman she can be, and that any career she chooses must enable her to spend enough time at home in order to pursue those primary goals. But this was a tough decision to make, and it has been a tough decision to stick with. Her parents are extremely disappointed in her, convinced that their brilliant daughter is wasting her life and potential. And, more importantly, the lingering internal voices from decades of careerist brainwashing haunt her as she nurses her baby, and changes his diaper, and boils spaghetti for dinner so there will be something to eat when her husband walks in the door at 7 PM. "What am I doing? Maybe I AM wasting my life? Maybe I really am wasting my potential? Maybe my parents are right?" she asks herself. And haven't we all asked ourselves these questions at one point or another? Why did I spend so many years and 100s of 1000s of dollars in order to earn my PhD in Philosophy or my MSW from University of Michigan or my BA Magna Cum Laude in Engineering and Far Eastern Religions in order to trade all of it in for a lowly MRS. My career is chugging along and puffing Carbon Monoxide into the atmosphere in the slow lane, or (yikes!!) stalled and abandoned on the side of the road altogether, and FOR WHAT? What contribution am I really making as Jewish wife and mother? Maybe my parents and the voices are right? Maybe I really am wasting my life on these children, on these diapers, on all these boiling pots of pasta? For those of us who have ever had these thoughts, Woman to Woman is a book to read and read again until its words and uplifting messages flow through our veins and silence our lingering brainwashed doubts with clarity and JewishMOM Truth. Written by the daughter and granddaughter of great rabbis, Rebbetzin Greenberg's voice is so important to hear and savor and memorize because Rebbetzin Greenberg was never brainwashed like you and me. She speaks again and again about the importance of being the best wife, the best mother, the best Jewish woman possible, and explains how these are our most important ways to serve G-d and to fulfill our ultimate purpose and mission in life. Let's end with a scrumptious taste of Woman to Woman: "Our Sages tell us that after 120 years the walls of our houses will appear before the Heavenly Throne and the Heavenly Court, and they will bear witness to what was said and done in our homes. So let us make our walls sing with joy, contentment, and happiness. The impression will last forever. Everyone in the world strives for immortality. We all want to be remembered forever. We find very great artists, sculptors, composers, authors, who want to create a masterpiece that will insure that they will be remembered always. They want their work to be so wonderful that a thousand years from now it will be worth millions and millions and people will say, "He made that, he painted that picture, he wrote that book." A person is prepared to invest years and years of hard work into his masterpiece solely because he wants to be remembered. Each of you, whether you realize it or not, is creating your own masterpiece. You are working on your life's work: building a home. It is your eternity, the creation of a lifetime. If you think of your home as a masterpiece, as the work of a lifetime, then how much are you prepared to invest in such a creation?! Work at creating happiness around you, work at creating your home. It is the most wonderful creation there is. It is yours. Wow! Isn't she amazing?? Here's 2 other JewishMOM books I've LOVED recently… Listen to Your Messages by Rabbi Yissochar Frand – I am slowly but surely becoming a Rabbi Frand Addict. Very inspiring and very captivating essays sprinkled with such amazing stories. Provides a great injection of clarity in your mothering day. Motherstyles: Using Personality Type to Discover your Parenting Strengths by Janet P. Penley – Learn your mothering style in order to make the most of your mothering strengths and how to best cope with and overcome your weaknesses. On a side note, I just heard about these cool new parsha sheets targeted at 2-4 year olds, and they are supposed to be fantastic! I haven't seen them, but you can check them out here... www.torat-imecha.com

2 Short JewishMOM videos for Tisha B'Av

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 09:17:01 +0000

Two oldies but goodies, two inspirational 2-minute JewishMOM videos I made in honor of last Tisha B'av about Jerusalem activist Rebbetzin Bracha Slae. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zb08yuk7ZT0&feature=player_embedded] [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzi3-UAAgs8&feature=player_embedded]

This Week's Mommy Peptalk: Free Gifts

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 10:22:14 +0000

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXB-I9qw53o]

Mommy Hunchbacks

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 10:03:36 +0000

My Favorite New Song: "Aba!"

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 10:24:52 +0000

I love this new song by Evyatar Banai! The stanza highlighted below was what inspired the entry below "Mommy Hunchback." May all of us mommy hunchbacks merit to transform our weaknesses into great strengths! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gl80BYqDAns&feature=related] Aba by Evyatar Banai (from the newly released Layla K'Yom Yair) אבא אביתר בנאי מילים ולחן: אביתר בנאי אבא, אני רוצה לעמוד מולך ולהאמין שאתה אבא טוב אבא, אני צריך לדעת שאתה אוהב אותי ככה סתם אבא טוב Aba, I want to stand before You and believe that you are a good Aba Aba, I need to know that You love me Simply a good Aba אבא, אני רוצה להיות בטוח בכל ליבי שלמסע הזה יהיה סוף טוב שכל מה שאני עובר בדרך יהפוך חולשה לעוצמה גדולה Aba, I want to be certain with all my heart That this journey will have a good ending That everything that I experience on the way Will transform my weakness into a great strength אבא, אני רוצה לחזור אלי ולמצוא אותך שם איתי במקור שלי אני טוב גמור, אבא ושם אני מאמין בעצמי Aba, I want to return to myself And to find you there with me At my source, I am pure goodness, Aba And at that place I believe in myself יונתי בין חגווי הסלע השמיעיני את קולך תשירי לי שיר חדש חדש שיאיר ליבי ואת מיתרי. My dove between the cracks of the rock Let me hear your voice Sing a new song for me That will light up my heart and my guitar strings לילה כיום יאיר (2009

Mommy Peptalk: Surviving the Frying Pan

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 06:53:40 +0000

Just got back from an amazing visit with my parents in Baltimore, and got into the new and admirable American tradition of recycling- recycling emptied raspberry yogurt containers, recycling finished copies of the New York Times, recycling kosher pickle jars...recycling Mommy Peptalks! Here's an oldie-but-goodie from last summer vacation...Hope to have a new one for you next week:) [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8t26doYQrF4&feature=channel_page]

Something you Definitely Never Knew About Me...

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 07:17:14 +0000

Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List! At our Shabbat table, we always ask guests to introduce themselves with something that no one else at the table knows about them. SO, what is something that you definitely don't know about ME? Are you sitting down (I guess you probably are :)) I, Chana Jenny Weisberg, am one of the biggest fans of Country music this side of the Mediterranean! Whenever I drive around my native Baltimore during visits to my parents, like the one I took this month, I secretly turn the radio dial to 93.1 WPOC Baltimore's Home to Country Music. I drive around and get a good cleansing WEEP in and I LOVE IT! (I always make sure to turn the radio back to my parent's classical music station after I bring back the car. I'm not sure what they would make of my bizarre closet addiction). Last week, I heard this amazing song I just had to share, Another Day in Paradise by Phil Vassar- JewishMom.com with a Southern twang. Can any mom hear this and not cry? (Be forewarned, this song would not get a haskama...) [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUVhQXtiXmI]

Beware the Intruders!

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 09:36:21 +0000

I just read a really horrifying story in Slovie Jungreis Wolff's fantastic new book Raising a Child with Soul. A happy wife and mother of one happy husband and two happy children hosts a couple for several weeks who, it turns out, are on the brink of divorce. The getting-divorced mother is really down on motherhood and marriage, telling our heroine she is sick and tired of taking care of other people all the time. And hey, you only have one life to live, so why not live it up? Up until those weeks with that friend, the happy mother had thought she was the luckiest woman in the world, the envy of everyone in her community. But the getting-divorced mother slowly convinces her that she is in fact the world's biggest sucker for falling for all that "Fulfillment through Marriage and Motherhood" nonsense. What century (make that MILLENIUM!) is she living in anyway?! Within a few months, our happy heroine has become a clinically depressed mother of two children in therapy and the ex-wife of a very miserable and stunned ex-husband. OK, this is a really dramatic story that might sound really far from anything relating to us or our lives. But I think the message is so important for EACH one of us. We moms need to be constantly vigilant to expose ourselves to the right messages that are going to help us towards achieving our ultimate JewishMOM mission in life because: "The wise woman will build her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." What books are you reading? What movies are you seeing? Who are you hanging out with? Are the influences you choose to allow into your consciousness putting you on the train towards your goal of being a pumped and amazing mom or are they sending you off on a train with a one-way ticket to nowhere? And don't forget…"The woman who creates and sustains a home, and under whose hands children grow up to be strong and pure men and women, is a creator second only G-d." -Helen Hunt Jackson

Mommy Peptalk: The Secret to Becoming Unstuck

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 09:39:25 +0000

Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List! How this Elul each of us can become the mom of her dreams. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZiqjgB3gHM]

See my Favorite Musician, Efrat Razel, in 1st Online Concert!

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 10:22:42 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List! The most recent Efrat Razel concert this past July really felt like being at the Neila service on Yom Kippur- it was that uplifting! And I was SO incredibly disappointed that I had NO WAY of sharing this evening of incredible inspiration and hope and emuna with everybody on this list. And then yesterday, I found a link to Efrat's most recent concert ONLINE at long last. YAY! So now, all of you can also enjoy this shining morsel (yes, I did love putting those words together) of Redemption for every Jewish woman. I think the following lines from the concert's first song Modah Anee are among the most beautiful I have ever heard, a theme song for every single Jewish mom. מודה אני לפניך מלך אל חי וקיים/ על קרני האור שמתוך הקור חודרים עלי על צחוק של ילד שנתתה לי/ ועל מה שעוד תיתן על כל מה שיש לי/ וגם על מה שאין/ עזור לי גם ביום הזה I praise You, G-d, the Living and Present King For the rays of light that penetrate me from within the coldness For the laughter of the child You have given me and for everything You will give me in the future For everything I have And also for everything I do not have Help me also on this day. Another thing, Efrat is the oldest of 4 sisters, and they perform together as a group! Isn't that the sweetest thing you've ever heard?? OK, this is a little complicated, but very worth it… 1. Click this http://ashira.co.il/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=449&Itemid=37 2. Where there are asterixes insert the code 2626 and press the word שלח (this is to ensure that ONLY WOMEN see this- please only share with other women) 3. Forward the time to 5:36

The Great Mom Journey (plus JewishMOM.com Book of the Month- Let's Face It!)

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 09:50:14 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List! Last week, my neighbor brought me a photograph. I looked at it, and identified it right away as a photo of myself with my 2-year-old son Yoel. But then I noticed the photo's date- 9/3/99 in fluorescent orange. So I inched the photo a bit closer to my nose, and realized that I was in fact seeing myself, ten years ago, with my now 11 year-old daughter Hadas. It was pretty shocking. The child I was taking care of ten years ago looks exactly the same as the child I am taking care of now. The "me" then looked exactly the same as the "me" now (give or take a few pounds). And overall, everything looked exactly the same, so that from that photo I was holding there was absolutely no way of knowing, aside from that fluorescent orange date, that an entire decade had passed in the middle. Which was a funny feeling. Funny strange, not funny ha-ha. What have I been doing for these ten years I thought as I squinted and looked at my 27-year old face in that photo. Ten years later, I am still wiping the same little noses, still changing the same wet sheets, still offering the children a choice between veggie hotdogs or humus on rice cakes for lunch. Looking at that photo from a decade ago, I felt like a person who had dreamed of setting out on a journey, on an Odyssey, only to discover that she had wasted the past decade wearing out pair after pair of expensive running shoes on the treadmill in her basement. But then my indignant JewishMOM pride buoyed to the surface of my consciousness in protest, and I remembered the book I was re-reading, our second JewishMOM.com book of the month, and one of my all time favorites: Let's Face it!: The 8 Essential Challenges of Living by Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller and Sara Yoheved Rigler (Targum). Let's Face It! is a travel guide for the inner journey that I, and every single mom and human being is on right now, which gives a step by step accounting for the accomplishments of this past decade, which I had mistakenly reported as lost. The stations of our inner journeys are the challenges we face in life: 1. Suffering 2. Happiness 3. Relationships 4. Parenting 5. Anger 6. Self-Change 7. Prayer 8. Death. I loved so much of this book, which is heavily underlined, and decorated with enthusiastic asterixes all over the margins. But the sections that were of particular interest to me were, of course, the sections on Parenting and Relationships. And this was my favorite JewishMOM quotation of all: Women, since the advent of the Women's Liberation Movement, have been defensive about defining themselves in terms of family roles. In the seventies, the women at the vanguard of the movement claimed, "I'm not Glenda's mother or Harry's wife. I'm myself." These women find that the act of defining themselves within a role is narrowing and diminishing. In truth, of course, each of us is an immortal soul which is infinitely greater than any role. The actualizing of our deepest self, however, takes place through interactive roles and our responses to the challenges of relationships. Seen in this light, family roles can and should be broadening, whereas a person who defines herself by her independence runs a risk of an egotistic life in which reality is defined exclusively in terms of herself. What could be more narrowing and constrictive? The woman who resists being defined as "Glenda's mother" may be a consummate pianist or a brilliant political analyst. None of these other roles, however, can touch areas within her deepest self that intimate relationships can touch. Therefore no role can catalyze inner growth more than the roles of spouse, parents, child, or friend. Wow! Isn't that amazing? It is through our most intense relationships, including motherhood, that we are able to experience the greatest personal growth. Having a child and raising him, with all of its ups and downs, and tears of frustration and tears of joy, is, on a spiritual level, just like boarding the Trans-Siberian Railroad in Moscow and riding it all the way through the tundra to the distant Sea of Japan. Which means that for the past decade I, like you, have been on an honest-to-goodness journey. Not the frequent-flyer kind or the exotic stamp in your passport kind, but the true kind. The mom kind. The kind of journey during which my location doesn't change, but I do.

Mommy Peptalk: Becoming the Ultimate You

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 09:13:27 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZvefL35M7s]

A Suggestion for the New School Year- From One Mom to Another

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 10:12:41 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List! This past summer my three older daughters attended a wonderful local summer camp with fun activites, great Jewish values, a devoted staff, and a price that was laughably low. So one evening, towards the end of the session, I made a call to the camp director, who is a teacher by profession. And the call went something like this: "Hello Mrs. Segal, this is the mother of X calling." "Oh, hello!" Mrs. Segal sounded a little worried. "I just wanted to tell you how much my daughters love your camp! They come home every day raving about the activities, their counselors, everything!" "Oh, I'm happy to hear that." she still sounded worried. "So I just wanted to thank you for putting together such a fantastic summer camp for our girls. I'm sure it is a ton of work, and it is clear that you do it with all your heart, so thank you!" "Well, that is very nice of you…" She still sounded worried. The saddest point of the conversation came when Mrs. Segal asked me: "And how can I help you?" When I told her that I had simply called in order to thank her, she sounded stunned. This is a woman, I understood when I hung up the phone, for whom a call from parents means that there is a complaint coming her way. This one's daughter doesn't like her counselor- what was she thinking when she gave a 15-year-old a position of such responsibility?! That one's daughter came home with a sunburn from the day at the pool- hasn't Mrs. Segal ever heard of sun cream or SKIN CANCER?! The other one's daughter has been receiving treats every day- is Mrs. Segal intending to pay the dentist bills for the root canal her child is going to need by summer's end?! This week, our precious children will start school. We are entrusting them into very special hands- the hands of people who despite the low pay, and despite the hard work involved, and despite the fact that over the course of the year they will receive far more complaints than compliments- are still committed to educating our children, because they believe in the power of education to shape our children and as a result the future of the Jewish people. I, like most moms I think, feel tremendous gratitude to my children's teachers. The caring and wisdom and shining example that they provide for my children is something that I can never repay them for. The kindness that they do for me, my family, and my children is tremendous, even unfathomable. So, as we prepare to send our children off this week with their new Spiderman backpacks and sharpened pencils, let's try to remember the importance of putting that gratitude that we feel into words and expressing it to our child's teachers. If all of us make an effort this year to pick up the phone to say "thank you," or to pick up a pen to write "thank you," or to tie a ribbon around a box of chocolates accompanied by a note to say, at long last, a heartfelt and much-deserved "thank you," then maybe together we can help to remove at least one drawback from one of the most thankless as well as one of the most important of professions.

More JewishMOM with a Southern Twang

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 07:45:48 +0000
Want to be the most inspired mom on the block? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List! A few weeks ago you moms learned my secret- that I love country music! Not all country music- just the emotionally manipulative, sappy, tissue-grabbing kind. Here's three more songs I loved that a relative just sent me (he is also a still-in-the-closet country fan who, I think, would prefer to remain that way:)) about treasuring these years when the kids are small. The JewishMOM spirit with a southern twang... Enjoy! Be forewarned, these songs would not get a haskama... Also, these links will take you away from the blog, but never fear! You can come back in a click:) [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MIJShOqh8Q] youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MIJShOqh8Q [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vG9XfJxMY8A] youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vG9XfJxMY8A [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L92WgY29uwY&feature=related] youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L92WgY29uwY&feature=related

Mommy Peptalk: How are You?

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 06:41:30 +0000
The question that's could make or break your year this coming Rosh Hashana. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8Ip5ZXj3uc]

Me and My Kitchen: Some Personal Reflections on Overcoming Ambivalence to Cooking

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 08:08:02 +0000
Want to be the most inspired mom on the block? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List! I once overheard someone I sort of know telling her friend about her favorite recipe for meatloaf. "And then you put in the matzo meal, not bread crumbs, never use bread crumbs –ever! And it's amaaaaaazing!" I don't think I'm generally so much of an envious person, but oh, how I envied that woman's excitement for that meatloaf… For as long as I can remember, I've been ambivalent about cooking. But, for as long as I can remember, I've really, really wished that I wasn’t. At this point, I can proudly declare that I have made some progress in the hating-cooking department. Today, I no longer resent cooking. Today I have even reached the point where I experience cooking as a vaguely meditative, almost pleasant activity. But my level of excitement over those hours spent chopping and frying and baking would be more aptly represented in a shrug and a blank look than a yippee and a leap for joy. But this week I read something that gave me some new insight into the spiritual power of food, and added a near-yippee to Shabbat preparations. On Thursday, my friend and I started studying Rebbe Nachman of Breslov on challah making. Listen to this…Rebbe Nachman teaches that all food is made out of the Divine letters that animate creation (cool, huh?). Challah, for example, represents wisdom, and when we remove challah and recite the blessing, we are transforming wisdom into Daat d'kdusha, wisdom of holiness through the awesome power of Hebrew, the holy language. Adding that water to that flour to form the dough means that you are changing the spiritual make-up of the universe, correcting Eve's sin by removing the evil from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, and leaving in its stead only holiness and connection to G-d. Don't get it? Truth is I don't really either. But this past Friday, as I chopped carrots for the chicken soup, and rolled the matzah guck into balls, and removed that spongey piece of challah and held it up between my hands and prayed for people I know in need, for the first time I felt that I wasn't engaged in something that was shrug/blank look material. Not at all. We know an American rabbi who did an informal survey to find out what memories adults maintain of Jewish experiences from childhood. In all cases, it wasn’t the hours spent in Sunday school, or the Rosh Hashana sermon the rabbi spent months preparing, or even standing on the chair and singing the 4 questions as their parents nodded with nachas. What remained in their hearts for the rest of their lives was the salty sweetness of mom's gefilte fish, or the mushy warmth of grandma's bread kugel, or the crunchy wonder of Aunt Marla's famous mandelbrot. For me, I know that every seder night when I taste that parsley dipped in salt water, I feel as though the prehistoric mitochondria dormant in my body awaken to savor that taste, the most ancient one I can remember from this incarnation. Just thinking of that taste as I type these words makes my mouth water and yearn for seder night yet again in the ironic glow of Grandma Florence, of blessed memory. So next week, when you stand over your kitchen counter up to your eyeballs in apples and quartered chickens and sweet potatoes for the YomTov tsimmes, know that in those pots, pans, and casserole dishes you are preparing the sparks of holiness that have the power to nourish your soul and the souls of your family. Not just for this upcoming holiday, or for this upcoming year, but really, truly forever.

Believe in Your Child: A Comedian's Guide to Jewish Parenting

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 08:28:28 +0000
Reprinted from Aish.com, the world's most popular Judaism website.
Believe in Your Child: A Comedian's Guide to Jewish Parenting

by Chana Jenny Weisberg

It had been a tough semester. After spending most of high school on the honor roll, the transcript for my second semester of college consisted almost entirely Cs. For me, this report card confirmed my worst fears. In my eyes it meant that I was, and always would be, a failure. I remember returning home to Baltimore, and moping around the house. I told my mother that I was thinking of switching colleges. Maybe somewhere with less emphasis on academics would suit me better? But over the course of the summer, my mood changed. It wasn't anything my parents said. My father didn't say, "I also got a C in college chemistry!" and my mother didn't insist, "Next semester will be different!" What changed my mood was simply my parents' unspoken and unwavering belief in me and my potential that I inhaled along with the air of my childhood home. It emanated from the bookshelves and the carpets and the very foundation of the house itself. In my home, I knew that Jenny Freedman was no failure. I knew it because my parents knew it. A few years later I was a new immigrant to Israel. Suddenly, even the simplest interactions with Israelis in my broken Hebrew -- paying the electricity bill, negotiating the price of a taxi ride, renewing my rental contract -- left me feeling incapable and humiliated. I remember returning to Baltimore once every few months during those difficult years and feeling different the moment I walked through my parents' door. At that moment, I was no longer the stammering nobody my Israeli neighbors saw. In my parents' home I was Jenny Freedman, and that very fact meant I was capable. It meant I was somebody. And that made all the difference in the world. MY OWN CHILDREN After three years in Israel, my husband and I established a home of our own with the name "Weisberg" on our door. When I became a mother soon afterwards, I knew that of the many gifts my parents had given me, the one that I most wanted to pass on to my own children was the blessing of unconditional belief in them. But as my children grew older, I learned that this is not always as easy as my parents made it look. One day, several years after I became a mother, the phone rang. "Mrs. Weisberg, your daughter has been hitting the other children in nursery school. The other mothers have started to complain." My three-year-old daughter had already earned me a year of nasty looks from mothers of children with pulled hair or bites or scratches on playgrounds and any other place I risked taking her. I was clearly a terrible mother. My daughter was hopelessly violent. Something, somehow, had gone terribly wrong. I remember the despair I felt like it was yesterday. Every good comedian will tell you that comedy equals tragedy plus time. Eddie Murphy could have you in stitches with a tale from his recent root canal, but when the dentist was standing over him with a drill in his mouth, he was cringing, not laughing. In the same way, when it comes to educating our children, my own experience of motherhood has shown me over and over that comedy equals tragedy plus time. Lots of time.

That same daughter who caused me years of hardship and embarrassment is today pure sweetness

That same daughter who caused me years of hardship and embarrassment is today pure sweetness. She is always the first child to lend a helping hand, or to make a get-well card for a sick friend, or to rush to comfort a crying baby. Today I can laugh at myself. But back then, with the drill in my mouth, minus the time, it felt like no laughing matter. Because raising children requires such large quantities of patience, Jewish sources compare faith in our children to gardening, Just as a gardener plants a tulip bulb in the ground, and can wait months and months with no sign of growth or progress, so too, with our children, we can wait months and years and never see our parenting efforts bear fruit. The class bully remains a bully. The social outcast remains an outcast. The oversensitive child continues coming home every day in tears. But just as the gardener believes that the tulip bulb he planted is developing roots unseen deep underneath the ground, our sages implore parents to maintain faith that even the latest bloomer will eventually bloom. They remind parents of the supreme importance of maintaining belief in a child's potential even in cases when the child's teachers and principal and even grandparents became convinced that this bulb was a dud long ago. One parenting expert had a son who earned her and her husband dozens of stern conversations from teachers and principals. Before one such meeting with a principal who wanted to expel their son from school, she and her husband spent a full 20 minutes sitting in their car assuring themselves that as parents they see a side of their son that the principal didn't. The mother reminded herself that when this son was four years old he gave his very own coveted chocolate bar to his crying younger sister. The father reminded himself that he was a child who was unable to sit still, but that he was also a child with a heart of gold. These parents spent this time in their parked car because they understood that their attitude towards their son had the power to make him or break him. They also understood that at times when it is most difficult to believe in our children is when they require our faith in them the most. Parents who believe in their children are not ostriches who bury their heads in the sand. Even the parent with the strongest belief in a child's potential also needs to take practical steps to deal with issues as they arise. But without our unwavering belief that our children will overcome the challenges they face, even with the help of the best psychiatrists and parenting experts and occupational therapists, our precious children will still face an uphill battle- with a heavy backpack, our doubts, weighing them down. Since the call from that nursery school teacher so many years ago, I have received other calls over the years. Without fail, each of these calls takes the wind out of me. But when this happens, I put down the phone and remind myself that today that same boy whose parents sat in the car is a devoted father and husband and is a beloved principal himself. I take a deep breath and remind myself that as long as I believe that things will get better when I'm cringing in the dentist chair, chances are that within a few short months or years, I will be laughing.

What is That?

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 07:44:55 +0000
A Moving video about a Father, his Son, and a Sparrow [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNK6h1dfy2o]

Rosh Hashana and Frustrated Moms

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 07:52:35 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=43k9mRPX5qw]

Moms on Trial

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 09:51:41 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List! I was waiting in line to get on the bus to the wedding when people started yelling. When I craned my neck to see what had happened, I saw a young mom trying without success to push her baby carriage down the narrow aisle of the bus. "What are you doing?!" the woman behind her was yelling. "My baby's sleeping, he's only a month old. I didn’t want to wake him up…" she pleaded. The mom had an exceptionally gentle and lovely face, like a character from a Jane Austen novel. "Do you never think of anybody but yourself?! What were you thinking!" Before long, the driver got into the fray as well. In the end the mother retreated off the bus with her baby carriage in tow, defeated and trembling. Afterwards, as I folded up the mother's baby carriage for her and put it under the bus, I told her "They are blaming you for being a devoted mother. Don't pay any attention to them. You are amazing."*** The young mom took her seat on the bus with her baby in her arms and seemed to recover from what had happened. But I couldn't. I looked out the window and cried and cried, for that poor mom, having to suffer through this attack so soon after her birth. And as the minutes passed, and I kept on crying, I realized that I was no longer just crying for that mom. I was crying for all of the devoted and hardworking moms, who are so in need of more sympathy, support, and encouragement than we actually receive. Here are a few ideas about how we moms can, at the very least, be a bit kinder to one another:

The 90% Clean House- A few weeks ago I went to visit a friend, and I noticed that the room where our children were playing was in disarray- toys scattered, beds unmade, wall hangings off-kilter. This was unusual, since on a cleanliness scale of 1 to 10, if my house would get a 7 on a good day, my friend's house would get a 9 on a bad day. Anticipating my question, my wise friend told me that she had realized a few months before what a kindness it is to leave her house a little bit messy when another mother comes over.

I think this is such a sensitive and brilliant way to make another mother, especially one like me who struggles in the cleanliness and order department, to feel a bit better about herself. Since, as the Ben Ish Chai teaches us, when one woman walks into another woman's house, she ALWAYS starts comparing.

"Did you know my husband does all the housework?"- In a similar spirit, my teacher HaRabbanit Yemima Mizrachi defines a bad friend as a person who 1. When you complain about your husband, she agrees with you, 2. She tells you how amazing, wonderful, and perfect HER husband is.

If you are fortunate enough, thank G-d, to have a wonderful husband- the type of guy who buys you lots of expensive presents, is amazing with the kids, has a steady and respectable job, doesn't let you do any housework lest you break a nail while vacuuming, and in general is G-d's gift to humankind, then I would highly recommend that you keep that information very much to yourself. You usually have no idea what challenges other women are really facing in their marriages, and what kind of blow it could be to them to hear about your new pearl necklace or your husband's recent promotion or even the way your husband insists on washing the floor all by himself before Shabbat. Ditto regarding your helpful, polite, adorable, and phenomenally brilliant children.

Perfection is for Diamonds, not People- This year a friend with two teensy children (and another one on the way, bshaah tova!) stopped by with a special home-baked mishloach manot gift package in honor of Purim- the coffee cake smelled amazing and was still hot from the oven. I was pleasantly as well as seriously surprised to get the package since…it was June.

Once I recovered from my surprise, I was so impressed and touched by my friend's thoughtfulness as well as by her admirable refusal to bow down to the idol of perfectionism. If your children are healthy, happy, good, well-fed, and loved then you are succeeding at the most difficult and most important job a person could have - raising the future members of the Jewish people. So, with that ultimate goal in mind, who could care less if the cake is store-bought or the floor's dirty or the button's missing. Forget about it! Because many times, the most important person who needs to start being kinder to you, is you. ***The truth is that I think the people yelling at her were right, there was no room to bring a carriage onto the bus. But their yelling and anger were really excessive and unnecessary.

Mommy Peptalk: The Small Stuff

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 06:53:16 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3p-TV3s5Fc]

What I Was Thinking about on Rosh Hashana

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 08:24:17 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List! This is what Rebbe Nachman teaches us about the way the world works: Step 1: You yearn for something (for a decent job, for a bigger home, for a healthy baby, for a husband who appreciates you, for children who get along) Step 2: You don't get what you want Step 3: You yearn and yearn even more for what you want Step 4: You still don't get what you want Step 5: You yearn and yearn and yearn even more Step 6: As a result of all this yearning, you change. You are transformed into a vessel to contain G-d's light and blessing Step 7: You get the job you wanted at your kids' school, you move into the 3-bedroom of your dreams, you give birth to twins (a boy and a girl!), your formerly mentally-impaired husband finally realizes that he married G-d's gift to wifedom, and your children start spending their afternoons sharing conspiratorial whispers in their new "secret clubhouse" behind the sofa rather than chasing after each other with forks and a murderous glimmer in their little eyes. This was also the story of our infertile Matriarchs, the first of whom, Sarah Imenu, we read about on Rosh Hashana. Their life story sounded something like this: Step 1: "G-d, please give me a baby" Step 2: "Not now…" A few years pass… Step 3: "But G-d, I really, really want a baby!" Step 4: "No, not now…" Many more years pass by… Step 5: "G-d, please please please, I really really really want a baby NOW!" Step 6: As a result of all this yearning, the women named Sarah, Rivkah, and Rachel were transformed into our Imahot, our Matriarchs, and some of the greatest spiritual giants who have ever walked the face of the Earth. This yearning transformed their souls into mighty vessels to contain the unprecedented light that G-d was about to send down to their wombs. Step 7: They became the world's first Jewish moms. This Torah from Rebbe Nachman really got me thinking all of Rosh Hashana. It reminded how I also prayed for each of my children before I became pregnant with them, and when I was pregnant with them. How I yearned for them! But maybe not enough? Because when I'm going through the humdrum, everyday details and routine of my mothering life, I find it difficult to experience, to perceive the light that my children bring to my life. So on Rosh Hashana, I prayed that G-d should transform me into a proper vessel to contain the light that He has sent me- my 5 precious children. I prayed and prayed that I should feel the light my children bring to my life, as our Matriarchs did, and that I will be able to contain this light and channel it into more joy, more love, more patience, more giving, more faith as I raise these 5 precious and incomparable gifts, products of infinite Divine light and mercy.

With the Tuna Sandwiches in the Park on Yom Kippur

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 08:30:46 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List! I made this video two years ago, have watched it a zillion times since then, and it STILL brings tears to my eyes. Enjoy! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oupe0cMgneo&feature=channel_page]

Teshuva for Eemas=SMILE!

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 09:33:21 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List! After a Rosh Hashana spent engaging in quite a bit of self-flagellation, it brought tears to my eyes to read a very different and even revolutionary approach to Teshuva/repentance in Rabbi Shalom Arush's long-awaited newly released book just for WOMEN (Rabbi Arush is also the author of the bestselling, JewishMOM must-read book Garden of Emuna). The English translation to חוכמות נשים (Women's Wisdoms) will be coming out in a few months, but in the meantime, I am so thrilled to be sharing the first translated taste of this wonderful and inspiring book with all of you. May these ideas empower us to spend this coming Yom Kippur engaged in less self-flagellation and more self-love. Rabbi Arush writes: You ask what you should do teshuva (repentance) for? Smile! That is the teshuva you need to do. Because doing teshuva means to smile... Rebbe Nachman teaches: "The main aspect of repentance (teshuva) is to subdue the negative outlook and to choose instead a positive outlook." We see something incredible here, how Rebbe Nachman is teaching us something that totally contradicts what the majority of people think—that the main aspect of repentance is to be broken and depressed, etc. G-d forbid. Because the evil inclination tells a person that repentance means to see the evil inside herself, and to be depressed and sad. But the Torah teaches us that the exact opposite is in fact the truth… …before a woman begins to think about speaking to G-d (hitbodedut) as a spiritual accounting of her bad deeds (cheshbon hanefesh) or repentance, she must first of all choose the positive outlook over the negative outlook, which she accomplishes through searching and finding within herself her own positive attributes so that she can feel happy with herself. Only after she has a positive outlook and feels happiness and joy, only then can she begin the other kinds of speaking with G-d: confession, repentance, a spiritual accounting of her bad deeds, correction of character traits etc. This is the general rule: as long a woman does not feel happy with herself, it is forbidden for her to do anything but search for her own positive attributes. And this is her repentance at this point, and this is the service that G-d wants her to perform. Because the Creator wants first of all for a person to be happy… Therefore, every woman needs to set this up as a rule for herself that she never breaks: the first thing she must do when she speaks with G-d (hitbodedut) is to find her good points and to feel happy about herself, until she can say with all her heart: "I am good! G-d loves me! G-d is happy with me and with the way I serve Him! G-d gets nachas from me! I am full of good desires, etc, etc." And even if this takes up the whole hour that she is talking with G-d, and even if this continues for days and years, she must invest all of her time speaking with G-d on this one point, and not move onto any other point until she is truly happy." Reprinted with permission from the newly released book חכמות נשים (Women's Wisdoms) selections taken from pages 338-341 by Rabbi Shalom Arush (with the approbation of Rabbi Ovadia Yosef). To order or distribute the book, please contact 972522240696, or in Israel 052-2240696. Or visit www.MyEmuna.com

More JewishMOM with a Southern Twang

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 21:35:36 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List! These crazy years spent driving carpools and hanging out on playground benches and changing diaper after diaper after diaper seem to last forever. But they won't The image at the end of this video "Then they Do" of the parents turned grandparents has been pulling me through the roughest patches of my mothering day... It reminds me that these hard and seemingly neverending years are in fact very very fleeting, and oh so precious. The link below will take you out of the blog, but you can be back in a single click:) [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXhmS9zQd3M&feature=fvsr]

Pre-Succot Mommy Peptalk- The Holy Satmar Mom

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 09:48:36 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List! AKA Chana vs. the Fly, LOL! [googlevideo=http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3147191231901727945&hl=en#]

9 Tips to Achieving Joy

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 10:58:14 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List! Imagine if you lived a hundred and fifty years ago in a wooden cottage surrounded by frozen mud in Northern Galicia…Chances are you and your children go to bed hungry every night. Chances are you have lost a child or children in infancy or childbirth. Chances are you won't live past the age of 50. Life is grim. Compare that with your life today. Chances are that you struggle with overeating rather than hunger. Chances are all of your children are generally healthy and have never been sick with anything so serious that a course of antibiotics couldn't clear it right up. Chances are you will live to dance at the weddings of your grandchildren- please G-d! In other words, you and I are living in an unprecedented modern paradise! So why is it that people are more miserable today than we've ever been before? Rabbi Zelig Pliskin identifies the common modern causes of misery as well as practical steps for all of us to finally access this elusive thing called HAPPINESS in his inspiring and very very wise newly-released book (as well as JewishMOM.com book of the month) Life is Now: Creating Moments of Joy, Courage, Kindness, and Serenity (Artscroll). In honor of the upcoming festival of Succot, the happiest holiday of the Jewish calendar, here is a selection from Life is Now: Rabbi Pliskin's amazing 9 tip checklist to ensure that even the most miserable mom among us can feel joyous this Succot.
Your homework: Print this page and tape it to your fridge so you can read these affirmations three times a day from today until Simchat Torah.

9 Tips to Achieving Joy by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

1. I think appreciatively and gratefully. What five things am I grateful for now?

2. I speak and act joyfully and kindly. (When you speak and act joyfully and kindly, your brain produces the biochemicals that create joyful feelings.)

3. I assume there is a benefit. What's good about this? (Develop the skill of reframing. Finding positive ways of viewing events, situations, and circumstances).

4. I strive for meaningful goals. What's my goal for now? (Being clear about your priorities is the first step to accomplishing and achieving goals. Take a step forward.)

5. I see myself being the way I wish to be. How do I want to be? (As you picture yourself speaking and acting in ways consistent with your highest and wisest self, you create your ideal self).

6. I focus on solutions. What outcome am I looking for? (If a problem arises, first clarify the problem. Then ask, "What can I do now to solve it?)

7. I let challenges develop my character. "This too will develop my character." (Look at difficulties as Divinely-sent opportunities to upgrade who you are. What quality can you develop now with a challenge that you faced or are facing now?)

8. I consistently access positive states. My awesome brain stores my best states. What state do I want for right now? (When you give names to your favorite and best moments, you will find them easier to access. Just tell your brain to access the specific state you want to experience now.)

9. I smile and wave at mirrors. They always smile and wave back at me. (Research has shown that smiling to yourself in a mirror creates positive chemicals in your body. If you have a mirror handy, test your mirror to see if it will smile and wave to you when you smile and wave to it. This works even if you smile without a mirror.
Read these principles or recite them from memory a number of times a day. Reading them joyfully will create a few moments of joy whenever you wish. The more frequently and enthusiastically you review these ideas, the greater the imprint on your brain. Ultimately, that will mean many more moments of happiness and joy. (excerpted from the newly-released Life is Now: Creating Moments of Joy, Courage, Kindness, and Serenity by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin, Artscroll)

Time of My Life

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 09:22:16 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List! Yesterday at 4:21 PM I received an Email with the subject line "Time of my Life" from a mom in suburban New Jersey telling me about her close friend, an extraordinary Jewish Mom of 4 small children named Simcha Esther Gershan, whose soul returned itself to its Creator right as all of the Jewish people wept during Kol Nidrei this past Sunday evening. At 4:22, I received yet another Email with the same subject line from a mom living in a remote outpost in the West Bank telling me again about Simcha Esther, and asking me to help spread the word about the forthcoming documentary film she created about the incredible spiritual journey she took during her final battle with cancer. This strange coincidence made me think two things: 1. This must have been quite an impressive woman if she managed to impact these 2 incredible moms on opposite ends of the world. 2. G-d is sending me a sign that He really wants me to help this documentary reach as many Jewish women as possible... And by the time I'd finished watching the tragic/funny/inspiring 7-minute trailer below, I could understand why. After I watched this video, I was left with one regret- that I will not have the privilege of meeting its very spunky, very cool, very real, and very inspired JewishMOM heroine in this lifetime. Please honor Simcha Esther's memory by watching this video, a permanent document of her eternal legacy of faith and joy, and spreading it far and wide to Jewish women everywhere... Also, check out her blog to learn more about her feature-length documentary "Time of My Life" and it's world-wide premiere in New York on October 22nd. http://www.timeofmylife.us/film.asp [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntjur5WgUQ0]

Seeing Gilad

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 21:53:59 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List! Did one of your children ever come home late? From school? From a friend's house? From baseball practice? You decide that this time you are definitely not going to freak out...you will stay calm for another half an hour...and then for another half an hour. But by the time the clock hits your deadline, you panic, imagining the worst. And right around then, without fail, your child strolls in the door and says "Hey mom, is there anything to eat? I'm starving!" But imagine another mother whose son is late. An hour late, two hours late, a year late, two years, three years late.. How could a mother like that maintain her sanity as well as her faith that one day her son would finally stroll in through her front door again? I am sure I speak for all Jewish mothers when I say that the thought of what Gilad, Aviva, and Noam Shalit (as well as siblings Yoel and Hadas Shalit) have been going through breaks my heart... So I felt tremendous relief and joy to witness to a mini-resurrection of the dead this week as I watched her son, Gilad, appearing healthy and good-natured and shy-smiled as ever in this video below... The ongoing struggle to release Gilad Shalit has reminded me of something so important- it has reminded me of the inconceivably precious nature of every single child, every single Jew. But another thing too. Who can watch this and not feel that this Gilad ben Aviva is a special human being- blessed with a special gentleness, a special goodness, a special shine about him? A special soul chosen by G-d to bring Jews of all flavors and affiliations together in unity around his release? Enough already! Gilad, we miss you, and want you home!! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQ4LW2nwiiA]

Mommy Peptalk: The Bostoner Rebbetzin's Prize

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 06:38:06 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List! As you jog back and forth to your succah, bringing the forgotten salt, bib, apple juice, remember that the more you give the greater you become, as long as you keep your eyes on the prize... [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyZe37ifS5I]

A little advice that helped my friend...

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 00:46:23 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List! Gila is one of the people I admire most in the whole world. She is a person who, for as long as I have known her, has glowed with royalty tinged with a deep serenity, spirituality, and quiet joy. Every time I see her I dream that my daughters will, one day, grow up to be just like her. But yesterday in our Succah, Gila looked a bit extinguished. Gila hasn't had the easiest time of things in her life. She dated hundreds of people over the course of a decade before she found her husband. And then, even after she was married, it took her four years to get pregnant. Thank G-d, now she has two children, but when her youngest turned three this year she started fertility treatments again. The blood tests, the ultrasounds, the stress in her marriage. And motherhood has been so easy. Her two adorable boys fight a lot, she told me, and even after years as a devoted (and I'm certain incredible) nursery school teacher, she finds that she doesn't really have the tools to cope with so many parenting issues that arise. "What advice can you give me?" she asked me, looking broken for the first time since I've known her. I am usually the one who is asking her for advice, so it was a little disorienting to suddenly have the tables turned. But after a little thought, I gave her two pieces of advice that I wanted to share with you too. One thing I told her is the importance of attending a weekly Torah-based parenting class. The parenting class I attended for three years when my older kids were small lights up every interaction with my children and every day of my parenting life to this day. You don’t have time? Make the time! It's the best investment you will ever make- for you and your family. And secondly, I told her something I learned from Rabbi Pliskin's new book Life is Now. That even if "It is a great mitzvah to be joyful always," in reality nobody feels joyful all the time. The best we can do is to focus on joyful moments in our lives. I told Gila, "It's 3 PM in the afternoon, and your kids are fighting again. Focus for just a moment on how much you prayed for these children and how much nachas and joy you get from them. It's 4 PM, and you're bored in the playground, and you look up at the sky and feel joy that the sky is so blue and the air smells so green and invigorating. It's 5 PM, and you site a pencil-thin lizard scurrying across the wall of your apartment building. You point it out to your boys and experience the joy and excitement of sharing this curious animal with them." Rabbi Pliskin suggests writing up 5 of these experiences in a daily joy list. Before long, he promises, you will not only be focusing on moments of joy, you will be creating moments of joy. Gila called today, and said she felt like the advice was helping. I hope it will help you too… Moadim L'Simcha!

Obama's Nobel Prize and the Jewish Mom

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 09:42:44 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List! You love Obama? You hate Obama? No matter if you are blazing blue or raring-to-go red, we can all agree that it was extremely strange to nominate the new US president for the Nobel Peace Prize after less than two weeks in office (the deadline for nominations was February 1st.) And this strange decision based on, apparently, nothing more than Obama's sincere yet absolutely unfulfilled desire to bring peace to the world, has sparked a flurry of funny emails to my inbox. Featuring lines like: "My neighbor has always wanted to write a novel. After Barack Obama's Peace Prize, she's hopeful she might be up for the Nobel Prize for Literature!" Or, my personal favorite: "I've been trying to balance my checkbook for years. Now I'm thinking I've got a good chance at winning the Nobel Prize for Economics!" (watch what Saturday Night Live has to say on this matter...) [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKxiNFN7Y0w&feature=related] Should somebody win the Nobel Prize simply for the desire to do something? How ridiculous can you get? But after chuckling at and forwarding a few emails, I gave it some thought and I realized something… I realized that Heaven has at least one thing in the common with the Nobel Prize Committee. Because G-d also rewards us for the mere but sincere desire to do the right thing. In fact, a Jewish mother's job, more than anything else, is to instill that ratson, that urgent desire to do good, in her children. For years, my parenting teacher, Rabbanit Talia Helfer, drilled into our heads the following 1^st Law of Jewish Parenting: Contrary to popular belief, your job as a Jewish mom is not to enforce rules- to demand that your son studies Torah every day of summer vacation. Or to pounce if your daughter forgets to say a blessing before biting into that peach. Or to badger your son until he rolls out of bed in order to go to synagogue on Shabbat morning. Our primary job is, rather, to make sure that our children will love to do the mitzvoth, even if they aren't yet necessarily doing the mitzvoth. But what if your child isn't living up to the religious standards that you would expect? Every single 3-year-old in your entire neighborhood is reciting blessings over food without being reminded, and your 11-year-old just pops food into his mouth without even a shadow of mumble? What should you do? Rabbanit Talia taught us: Turn the other way. BELIEVE IN YOUR CHILD! And do everything within your power to make that mitzvah irresistibly sweet for him. Give a chocolate chip for every blessing your son says out loud. Stick a star on the chart leading to a new soccer ball. Act out a dramatic story about the angel created with every single blessing uttered from a Jew's mouth. If we do our job correctly, our children will ultimately run to do the mitzvoth just like we used to dash down the street when the Good Humor Truck rang its bell promising something cold and sweet and absolutely irresistible. And G-d willing, this burning desire to do good will energize our children for the rest of their lives—until they are chasing after mitzvoth hand in hand with their own children and grandchildren.

Mommy Peptalk: My Own, Personal Garden of Eden

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 07:27:39 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2B63OoivXnk]

10 Easy Ways to Feel More Calm and Happy

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 09:06:45 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List! Depressing thoughts and worries are like ticks. Like our least-favorite woods-dwellers, it is no easy feat to get these destructive thoughts unstuck from your brain. And, like ticks, these destructive thoughts suck out your blood and joy of life until they are finally torn off. The best guide I know of to freeing ourselves from worry and depression is also my favorite book of all time: Battle Plans: How to Fight the Evil Inclination (Shaar) by Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller and Sara Yoheved Rigler. Battle Plans provides practical advice on freeing ourselves from the thoughts that bring us down. In cases of worry and a depressed mood, Battle Plans suggests the following strategies:

"Everything I Need I Have": Focus on the fact that everything you need, G-d has given you. This is very challenging to feel at times when you are experiencing a difficulty in your life, but it can really help to count your blessings and to focus on what you DO have (i.e. a husband, children, a home, health, a supportive community and on and on…) rather than focusing on the upsetting current issue which is bringing you down. The next step, which is more challenging, is to try to locate the blessing, the Divine gift, hidden within the difficulty itself… This is definitely tough, but if you manage to feel gratitude to G-d for ALL that you have (the good stuff and the hard stuff as well) then you are well on the way to a life of joy.

Do Kindness: When you are feeling down, few things make you feel better than putting another's needs above your own. As a mother, don't forget that performing acts of kindness for your relatives and family members should be your first priority. Run an errand for your husband, give a call to check up on your sick mother, read a story to your bored child. After that, performing kindness in your community can work wonders for the depressed soul.

Undertake a Heroic Kindness: Is there a kindness that you think you cannot possibly manage right now for a dozen different reasons? Do it anyway. Accompany a community member to her chemo treatment, agree to invite your critical Mother in Law for Shabbat for the first time in a decade, organize a fundraising dinner for a worthy cause. The evil inclination will flee for its life.

Notice Very Deeply: Everything is from G-d. Where can you sense G-d's kindness and guiding hand within this difficult situation you find yourself in?

Push the Kingship Button: Once you have detected G-d's hand within this difficulty, you are ready to stop angrily rejecting it, and to, rather, accept it as G-d's will. After you have accepted it, you can also start coping with the issue more effectively and rationally. What practical steps can you take to cope with and overcome the difficulty at hand?

Respond with Torah: When you feel depressing and worrying thoughts invading your psyche, try picking up a Torah book and reading a few paragraphs or pages. It doesn't matter what form of "Torah literature" you read- the Torah portion, the biography of a Tsaddik, (or, my personal recommendation) Battle Plans… no matter what you read, the light of Torah will cause the evil inclination to run away, just like a floodlight in your backyard causes a burglar to run back to his dark hideout.

The 3 A's-

1. ACCEPT what is happening as G-d's will 2. APPRECIATE G-d's kindness hidden within the hardship 3. ADJUST your time frame. Troubles are fleeting. Health problems get cured, difficult children grow out of challenging phases, fertility treatments work, and money goes away and then it comes back again. Why worry about a problem that you most likely won't even remember existed 5 years from now? 8. Surrender Control to G-d: When things don't work out the way you want, and you feel anger and blame flaring up, try out the following visualization: the evil inclination is Rumpelstiltskin, with his red nose, striped hat with that annoying little bell on the end, and broken scepter, and he is hopping up and down and screaming: "Things have to be my way!! Things have to be my way!!" Then imagine off to the side a wise old rabbi nodding and quietly stating: "The way things are, is the way G-d wants them to be…" Then visualize taking a sledgehammer and crushing Rumpelstiltskin in all his glory and fury. Then repeat the words of the wise old rabbi, "The way things are, is the way G-d wants them to be…G-d is my king!" 9.Direct Your Mind Away from Destructive Thoughts: Imagine your 11-month-old has crawled into a busy street. What would you do? You would pull her back to the sidewalk, and fasten her into her stroller so she wouldn't wander away again. Anger, self-blame, or passive inaction serve no purpose here. And the wandering mind that is drawn obsessively to destructive thoughts that make you depressed, angry, or worried, is exactly like that baby who wandered into the street. Again, anger, self-blame, or inaction aren't going to do any good here. What should you do? Fasten your wayward thoughts into their "stroller" or an unrelated permitted thought: a vacation you are planning, your guest list for Friday night dinner, a project at work. Pat yourself on the back every time you effectively drag your wandering thoughts back into their permitted "stroller." 10. Prayer: And finally, most importantly, prayer works wonders. You should pray every day that G-d will help you to overcome the depressing and worrying thoughts that cause you so much distress. Your prayer should include: 1) Your earnest desire to overcome your evil inclination 2) Stating your knowledge that you cannot succeed in this without G-d's assistance 3) Your request from G-d to help you succeed.

Musical Stairway to Heaven

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 09:14:43 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List! Join the 3 million people who have already watched this incredible 90 second video: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lXh2n0aPyw] It's true, it's harder to keep kosher than to not keep kosher. It's harder to prepare a Shabbat meal than to veg out in front of the TV watching Seinfeld reruns. And it's harder to read the Torah portion than to read Harry Potter. So why do we do it? Why do we lead a Jewish life? Why do we insist on running up the stairs when the vast majority of the human race is taking the easy way out on the escalator? Because this is the life that G-d wants us to be living. And also because, as Jews, we are blessed with the ability to hear the music playing underneath our feet as we climb up this ancient and holy staircase. And this is our mission as Jewish moms: to raise our children so that they will also hear the subtle yet incomparable melody that emanates from shoe-level as we climb this Jewish Stairway to Heaven. So, Jewish mom, what are you going to do today to make being Jewish a little more fun, a little more melodious, for your child?

1-Minute Technique to Feel a Whole Lot Better

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 08:56:41 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List! Last week, a friend of mine who is definitely no flake told me she had discovered a miracle technique called EFT to free her and her kids from stuck negative emotions. Bad dreams, anger, anxiety, depression, food cravings, low self-esteem---greatly reduced or gone. I was skeptical, of course. But I tried it out a few times, and it actually seems to work… It's easy to learn, you can do it on yourself, and it usually takes less then a minute. Try it out, you have nothing to lose... Watch this video below to get a taste of the EFT miracle. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9l-VDOGqmd4]

Mommy Peptalk: No Time? No Problem!

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 09:08:00 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List! How our lack of time actually enables Jewish moms to live up to our ultimate potential. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HbA1byM8YJ8]

My Favorite Teacher, Favorite Musician + Real Jewish Mom Movie Star LIVE- this Saturday Night!

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 09:52:18 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List!
If you don't live in Israel yet, this is the time to pack your bags and come!

Appearing together this Saturday night in Nachlaot:

-My all-time favorite teacher, Rabbanit Yemima Mizrachi, in ENGLISH

-My all-time favorite musician, Efrat Razel

-Real Jewish Moms Movie star Ricka Van Leeuwen (see video below)

All that's missing is Moshiach...

Hope to see you there! Details below...

The Nshei of Kehilas Torah v'Chesed

invites you to an Evening of Torah and Music for Women Located in Kehilas Torah Ve’Chessed 22 Ezra Refael St., Nachlaot. (directions below)

Rabbanit Yemima Mizrachi followed by Efrat Razel and Ricka Van Leeuwen (Razel)

Suggested Donation: 25 NIS
Refreshments will be served
8:00 pm This Motzei Shabbos - Parshas Noach (October 24)

(this video features Real Jewish Mom Ricka Van Leeuwen and that's her sister-in-law Efrat Razel singing in the background)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxw98HWeKMY]
How to get there by car: Take Rechov Shomron (coming from Agripas) to the end. Take a right onto Rechov Hatavor and take Hatavor to the end. Take another right onto Rechov Ezra Refael. Kehilas Torah Ve'Chessed shul is located at 22 Ezra Refael in the "Beit Shmuel" building with blue doors. Or, by foot: Near the English Cake on Agrippas, across from the Shuk, is the entrance to Ezra Raphael Street. Kehilas Torah Ve'Chessed shul is located at 22 Ezra Refael in the "Beit Shmuel" building with blue doors.

Some Reflections on Infertility

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 08:52:31 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List! Yesterday I ran into an old friend who has devoted a huge chunk of her time and emotional energy over the past few years to fertility treatments. As we were speaking about the physical and emotional toll of these treatments and infertility in general, as well as what she has learned from this killer of a nisayon (challenge), I had two thoughts that I wanted to share with you.

Thought #1:

Did you ever notice that the people faced with infertility are, in general, superior human beings? This specific woman I spoke with is an exceptionally gentle, good, shining, modest, G-d-focused, and personal-growth focused type of person. The kind of person who is genuinely happy when her neighbor gives birth to her ninth child, and knits her a pink and yellow baby blanket. But the truth is that MOST of the people I know who struggle with or have struggled with infertility are exceptional in their goodness. Maybe this is because G-d only gives us what we can handle, and if you have received this huge of a challenge, it says something about the strong and amazing person that G-d thinks you are, and the even stronger and more amazing person G-d believes you can become? 2. Thought #2: Our Matriarchs were infertile. And because they yearned and yearned and yearned for years and years and years to bear children, they became and also raised the greatest leaders and spiritual guides that the Jewish people has ever known. Looking around my community today, if I had to call anybody a Woman of Valor, my gut instinct would be to choose my friend who spent five years as the single mother of 14 kids, or the Mohel's dignified wife with 9, or Malka, the kind-hearted mother of a family of Karliner Chassidim, with 10. And it is true. These women manage so much, and are very inspiring people, and are really incredibly impressive. But if we are looking not only for a Woman of Valour, but for a true Modern Matriarch, the woman who has the greatest potential to become and also raise a child who will bring a great light to the Jewish people, the Torah suggests that my neighbor who spent eight years doing fertility treatments, and getting blessings from Rabbis, and crying her eyes out, and is now the mom of a single eleven-year-old son is the real modern day Sarah Imenu. Some food for thought for you (and me)…

Remembering Shula

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 10:01:07 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List Last year, nearly every day at 1:20 PM I would wave to Hindel as she picked up her little girl, Shula, from nursery school. Shula was Hindel's first daughter after three sons, named after her own mother who passed away when Hindel was a child. Hindel's love for and joy over her precious little girl pulsed between them. They shined together. I met Hindel for the first time at a Shabbat meal about a dozen years ago, and I liked her very, very much- immediately. Hindel was and is a powerhouse, pure positive energy, living proof that a person can be extremely cool and extremely religious at the same time (tell me, how do Chabadnikim DO that??) And then there was the news report this past Tuesday morning. Every mother's worst nightmare printed in black and white: "3-Year-Old Daughter of Chabad Emissaries Killed in Freak Traffic Accident." From one moment to the next, Shula was gone, run over by a driver- make that a criminal- with a previous record of 31 traffic violations and 10 traffic accidents. Hindel will never bask in the light of Shula's shy smile again, will never hold her soft, white hand in her own again, will never ever tuck her in with a bedtime story and Shema Yisrael again. This mother's dream has been replaced by an unfathomable nightmare, the daughter she loved so much replaced by a gaping void filled only with loss and pain. How strange that the inhuman murder of the Chabad Shlichim Rivki and Gaby Holtzberg in Mumbai, India also took place this month exactly a year ago... Last night, watching the video "Vladivostok Rebbetzin" (see below) which I prepared last year in response to the Holtzberg murder provided me with the first glimmer of comfort since I heard this horrific news two days ago. It is a powerful reminder of the Jewish response to tragedy, like the one the Swerdlovs and so many community members as well as friends and family members all over the world are experiencing right now. May this special, special family be blessed from now on with only happy events and good news! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vnjK7o1_2U]

Jewish Mom Overboard!

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 10:28:59 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List It's important to have a somewhat orderly home, serve yummy food, and live a healthy lifestyle, because these are all important ingredients in achieving every Jewish mom's ultimate goal-- healthy, happy, passionately-Jewish children. But have you ever found yourself going overboard with the cleaning, the cooking, the health-ing? When this happens, your JewishMOM sirens should start roaring, and your personal Homeland Security should go on Orange Alert. For example, the mom who wants to keep her home so hotel-room-sterilized-toilet-level clean that her kids are tense and stressed because the kids want a home where they can be kids without getting screamed at, and their mom wants a museum. The mother is headed for Better Homes and Gardens, but definitely not for healthy, happy, passionately-Jewish children. For example, the mother who works herself to exhaustion preparing 4 different kinds of chicken, 7 cakes, and 25 variations of eggplant salad for Shabbat. By the time Shabbat comes in, the food is out of this world, but the mother sitting opposite her children at Friday night dinner is out of her mind- a JewishMOM monster. This mother is headed for Gourmet magazine, but definitely not for healthy, happy, passionately-Jewish children. For example, the mother who keeps her son home from school when his 7th grade classmates celebrate their birthday parties lest he should ingest any sugar or white flour. This miserable teenager goes from door to door to panhandle his friends for a forbidden pretzel, an illegal cracker, or, if he is feeling especially daring, a felonous cookie—desperate for anything other than the millet and broccoli which is his mother's current craze. This mother might be headed for Vegan Mother of the Mother, but definitely not for healthy, happy, passionately-Jewish children. In summary: It's great to have an orderly home. It's great to serve good food. It's great to live a healthy lifestyle. But when we pursue these goals to the point that our kids wish they could move in with the neighbors, then we've gotten way off-course and are about to plunge head-first overboard into the choppy and stormy waters. Believe me, my family and I have been down there in that freezing water from time to time, and it ain't fun for anybody. JewishMOM—beware!

Not What I Expected from a Shiva

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 08:24:26 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List I had expected that attending the shiva this week for Shula Swerdlov, the 3-year-old girl who was run over and killed last week, would break me. That it would be so upsetting and devastating to enter the epicenter of this horrific tragedy that it would take me weeks to recover. But, strangely enough, attending the shiva this past Sunday had the opposite effect. I left this shiva feeling strengthened, even hopeful. I saw Hindel, Shula's mother, terribly shaken. But I also saw her surrounded by her relatives and extended family from around the globe who jumped on a plane the moment they heard that tragedy had struck. I saw her comforted by her neighbors and members of the extended Chabad community who poured in by the hundreds every day of the shiva to be there for her. I saw her with her dearest friend beside her, who, despite all of her own responsibilities as the mother of several small children, didn't leave Hindel's side from morning until night this whole week. And most meaningful for me was to see that Hindel was shaken, and clearly going through the darkest hour of her life, but that she was still Hindel. I saw the same determination, the same life-giving smile, the same faith that has pulled her through tough times in the past, and will, with G-d's help, pull her and her family through this nightmare as well. When I think of why I am so proud to have chosen to live a Jewish life, I think of the good stuff. The Shabbat meals with steaming golden chicken soup, words of Torah, and G-d's breath filling my living room, or the excited, ancient buzz of the packed yeshiva study hall where my husband studies, or the religious children in my community growing up so pure and good and happy, free of the destructive TV/ Internet culture which is destroying so many of today's children and families. But seeing this shiva, seeing this young family struggling yet coping with the support of their extended family and community, as well as with the wise guidance of their tradition and their personal bedrock of faith, made me proud to be living this life that provides so much light, even (or maybe especially?) at these darkest moments of existence.

Inspiring Words from Shula's Grandmother

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 08:47:30 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Weekly Mailing List I think this is probably the most moving, inspiring, and unforgettable talk I have ever heard. A Jewish Gettysburg Address. Given on the final day of the shiva by Mrs. Miriam Swerdlov, world-famous speaker and grandmother of 3-year-old Shula, of blessed memory. There are 2 viewing options to see this talk...(click here to see the 2 songs that Mrs. Swerdlov sings for her granddaughter...extremely extremely moving) 1. The 1st version is the 9-minute edited version of the talk, with English translations of Hebrew and Yiddish terms. Men may also listen to it (it is Kol Isha-free) [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qHedXP245k] 2. This is the incredible, full, unedited 13-minute version (divided into two parts). This version contains Kol Isha, and is intended for WOMEN ONLY PLEASE! No translations of Yiddish and Hebrew provided. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apyjGLbcPy0] [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZ9WSAAJHpg]

2 Songs for Shula A"H

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 09:25:25 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Mailing List Today I saw that the video I posted on YouTube a few days ago of 3-year-old Shula Swerdlov's grandmother speaking on the final day of her Shiva has been viewed over 10,000 times. Thank G-d- I thought- the urgent and vital message of Mrs. Swerdlov's speech is reaching people all over the world. But then I got a very bad feeling. I realized all of a sudden that G-d probably wasn't so pleased with my editing job. So, below is footage of what stupidly ended up on my cyber-cutting room floor, but, I realize in retrospect, was actually the most important part of Mrs. Swerdlov's whole talk. Here are the 2 songs Mrs. Swerdlov sang for her granddaughter. Get your tissues ready... FOR WOMEN ONLY! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2P8WL62TM_o]

This Week's Mommy Peptalk: For Mothers of Small Children

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 08:09:50 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Mailing List Some words of encouragement and advice for overwhelmed moms of little kids. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHJVSLZdTjA]

The Selfish Monster: An Amazing Story about Judging Others Favorably

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 10:20:35 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Mailing List I was so furious at that mother. There I was, making all the phone calls to set up a meeting for the 5 mothers from Hadas' class whose daughters would be celebrating their bat mitzvahs together this coming January. We needed to get moving-- to start coming up with a program, to start thinking about the refreshments, to get working on this… My idea was that we would meet right after a meeting the school had set up for us mothers with a midwife about preparing our daughters for puberty. And all the mothers in Hadas' bat mitzvah group agreed until I called the one mother I didn’t know on my list. I'll call her Mrs. Levy. From the other side of the line I heard a dignified, formal voice, as though I had accidentally been put through to the CEO of a Hi-Tech company or something. It was the kind of voice that made me feel acutely embarrassed of my beat up New Balance running shoes, and my apron with the word "Eema" emblazoned across the chest. "Oh no," she answered, "I don't think that will work for us. I want my husband to be able to attend the meeting as well." At that moment, Mrs. Levy was downgraded from "the last mother to call on my list" to "The Royal Pain." But then Mrs. Levy softened. "I suppose I could attend the meeting, and then I could tell my husband afterwards what we discussed, and get his opinion…" But I still hadn't fully forgiven her. And then the next day, having finally tracked down a babysitter, and having worked out all the logistics, I called the bat mitzvah mothers again right before I left the house to update them about the location of our meeting. Mrs. Levy answered after a long time. "In the end," she said a bit nervously, "I don’t think this is going to work out for me. I will have to leave immediately after the meeting with the midwife in order to attend a class in my neighborhood at 8:30 PM." I responded in a calm, vague way, but by the time I clicked off the phone I was boiling! I had made all these calls, and this woman had agreed to this meeting, and now some stupid class was more important to this woman than the bat mitzvah celebration of her own daughter! This was disgusting, unforgivable, a complete and total lack of basic human decency! The whole busride to the school I was trying to decompress. But it was nearly impossible. I would just have to tell this Mrs. Levy that she had agreed to this time for the meeting and she would just have to miss her precious class. Or, I would have to tell her that we would be having the meeting without her. Or (my personal preference) that she and her daughter would just have to find a new bat mitzvah group to join! I tried to judge this woman favorably, but how was it possible to judge such a complete and total pain favorably! What a phenomenally inconsiderate human being. So I did something that almost always works to cool myself down. I prayed for this mother. I prayed that she will have marital harmony (maybe she has a terrible marriage, and her husband doesn’t trust her, and that's why she insisted her husband had to come to the meeting as well), and that she will have so much nachas from her children, and that she will be healthy…and on and on. And it worked, somewhat… At least it enabled me start relating to Mrs. Levy as a human being rather than as a selfish monster. But I still felt like I was getting taken advantage of. Why did I always have to be the one who was "working on myself" and therefore, in all situations, to be the resident frum SUCKER! I arrived at the school, and I looked around for an unfamiliar face, but I didn't see any mothers I didn't know. So I asked my daughter's teacher, "Where is the mother of Ayala Levy?" The teacher's mouth fell open-- she looked like she'd seen a ghost. I repeated myself, "Do you know who is the mother of Ayala Levy? I need to find her." The teacher, who is never at a loss for words, was speechless for several whole seconds. And then she stuttered, "Ayala Levy doesn’t have a mother. Ayala's mother is dead." I was stunned…"But I spoke with a woman, Ayala is in my daughter's bat mitzvah group. And I invited a woman named Mrs. Levy to meet with us…" The teacher explained, "Yes, that must have been Mr. Levy's new wife. They got married last month." This explained the fact that Mrs. Levy wanted her husband to be there. It also explained why she favored the class over our meeting—probably she didn't even really feel like she belonged at our "mother meeting" at all. In the end, she didn’t even show up at the meeting with the midwife. Sitting in that meeting, it brought tears to my eyes to think of what a painful situation it must be for all involved that this young girl doesn’t have her own mother during this important period of transitions—spiritual, physical, emotional. What a painful and intensely awkward position, as well, for the new Mrs.Levy to find herself in. It just goes to show you. By giving people the benefit of the doubt, you aren't being a sucker. You are just recognizing that reality is so much more complicated than our human minds and hearts could ever comprehend.

Why I Love My Mom by Anonymous

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 09:12:08 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Mailing List Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, "I'm tired, and it's getting late. I think I'll go to bed." She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day's lunches. Rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning. She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes into the wash, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button. She picked up the game pieces left on the table and put the telephone book back into the drawer. She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry. She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip, and pulled a textbook out from hiding under the chair. She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the grocery store. She put both near her purse. Mom then washed her face with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her Night Solution & age fighting moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and filed her nails. Dad called out, "I thought you were going to bed." I'm on my way," she said. She put some water into the dog's dish and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked. She looked in on each of the kids and turned out their bedside lamp, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks in the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework. In her own room, she set the alarm; laid out clothing for the next day. She added three things to her 6 most important things to do list. She said her prayers, and visualized the accomplishment of her goals. About that time, Dad turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular. "I'm going to bed." And he did... ...without another thought. Some thoughts from Chana Jenny Weisberg… This Email probably sounds a little too familiar to every Jewish mom, and makes you want to scream "Lemme outta Here! This isn't what I bargained for!" But the truth is that your never-ending JewishMOM To-Do list is your ticket to achieving every Jew's mission in life-- to be transformed from a taker into a giver. We all start out as takers because that is what our bodies love to do-- take and take and take some more. More Twinkies, more pairs of shoes, more crossword puzzles, more shades of eyeshadow. But what does your soul want? Your soul wants to give…To give and give and give some more. Your body kicks and screams…it just wants to pick up its feet and lean over for the remote. But your soul knows…Your soul knows that every day spent caring for your family, even when it's hard, and even when you're tired, and even when you would rather be doing just about anything else, is transforming you into your ultimate self. Because your soul understands that the more you give, the greater you can become.

Mommy Peptalk: The World's Best Job

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 09:48:37 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Mailing List [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6brDsaV3QlE]

Mothers of Faith

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 09:56:33 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Mailing List A year ago I saw an interview with a 47-year-old mother of 19 children named Sima Zalmanov. And she said one thing in that interview that I just can't get out of my mind. The interviewer asked her: "My wife is now in the 8^th month of her first pregnancy, and she is so uncomfortable, and she complains all the time. And you, Mrs. Zalmanov, have been pregnant pretty much non-stop for the past 27 years! Isn't it difficult? I'm sure Mrs. Zalmanov has answered this questions hundreds of times, and I presume it is a question that she has asked herself countless times as well, when her varicose veins ached, and when her overdraft edged further and further away from zero, and when the Zalmanov family pile of laundry loomed large above her head at 2 AM. Without skipping a beat, Mrs. Zalmanov answered the reporter with the sincere and convincing declaration: "G-d knows what's best for me." And I just can't forget it. "G-d knows what's best for me. Unbelievable.

Many years ago, I heard a lecture by prolific author and psychologist Dr. Miriam Adahan that I also haven't been able to get out of my mind for all these years. She told us that for years and years she wanted nothing more than to have more children. But her conversation with G-d, she recalled, went something like this… "G-d, please, this year another baby!" "Miriam, this year, another book!" "G-d, please, this year another baby!" "Miriam, this year, another book!" G-d knows what's best for me. Unbelievable.

Every Friday night I stop by to see my friend and neighbor Hagit bat Leah, a mother of 5 small children who is presently fighting the battle of her life against a devastating case of cancer. Hagit has hit hard times before. Two years ago her family was homeless for 4 months. But Hagit is always, even at her darkest moments, a shining light of inspiration to everybody who is fortunate enough to know her. Hagit has the strongest faith of anybody I have ever known. Simple faith (which all of us know is far from simple to acquire). The faith that a beloved, youngest daughter has in her own adoring father. The purpose of my visits is to cheer up Hagit, but the truth is that Hagit always ends up cheering ME up. This past Friday night Hagit told me that that day was her 38th birthday. "What are you doing to celebrate your birthday?" I asked her. "How am I celebrating?" Hagit asked me with that defiant, teasing smile of hers on her lips. "I exist. That's how I'm celebrating," She answered. G-d knows what's best for me. Unbelievable.

This Week's Mommy Peptalk: My Corner Store Heroes

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 10:32:31 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Mailing List What my corner store owners and their high-maintenance customers taught me about being a Jewish mom. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRbyW-m_o-w]

My Virus Enlightenment

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 09:09:39 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to join the JewishMom.com Mailing List A few days ago, that virus that's been going around got me too. I hate being sick. I hate feeling so yucky. And I hate being less than 100% functioning and coping and doing. I guess the truth is that being sick is tough on my body and equally tough on my ego… But yesterday, I looked around my living room from my favorite new vantage point- flat on my back on the living room sofa- and I realized that my kids are probably actually enjoying this virus. This virus means that I'm not cleaning the kitchen, or running off to that Rosh Hodesh party, or barking orders as I'm rushing out to buy tights for my 4-year-old before the store closes. I'm just lying on the sofa, watching my children as they bounce around me, appreciative for any little human interaction that can distract me from my yuckiness. "Hey, Moriah, want me to read you a book?" "Hallel, bring me your English homework, why don't we go over it now?" "Hadas, want to ask me questions for your family tree project?" Usually, I realize, the things my children ask me to do feel like annoyances that are pulling me away from whatever all-important task I am working on—filling the dishwasher, making a salad, putting boots on the 2-year-old so we can go to the market for some potatoes. But for the past few days, things have switched. The annoyances have become the all-important tasks, and the all-important tasks suddenly feel like total annoyances. I really hope to feel better ASAP. But I also hope that when this virus leaves that the bright side- the enlightenment of this yuckiness- will remain.

Indian Doctor Moves to Israel to honor Murdered Chabad Emissaries

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 09:14:34 +0000

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This week marks a year since the inhuman murder of Rivki and Gabi Holtzberg in Mumbai, India. Over the past year, many stories have been published about the Holtzberg's tremendous legacy, and the great impact that they had on the thousands of Jews who passed through their Chabad House.

But one of the most awe-inspiring stories about the Holtzbergs to be published so far was, surprisingly, not about the life-altering impact that they had on an American Jewish traveler or on an Israeli backpacker through the Far East, but rather on a Hindu, Indian doctor named Dr. Hagirat Prasad.

Up until a year ago, Dr. Prasad was the director of Emergency Medicine at Mumbai's prestigious British Kennedy Hospital. Married with three children, he lived a life of material abundance, but the Hindu pantheon of gods left Prasad feeling a great spiritual void and thirsting for something more.
Twenty years ago, Prasad got his first taste of that "something more" when he read the Bible for the first time, and it moved him deeply. From that time on, he thirsted to learn about Judaism and to learn about the one true G-d.

After the Holtzberg family took over the Mumbai Chabad House in 2002, Dr. Prasad began arriving at the Chabad House nearly every day to study Torah with Rabbi Gabi Holtzberg." Over the years, Prasad adopted a fully Jewish way of life and changed his name to "Aaron Avraham." He considered the Chabad House like a second home, and the Holtzbergs like a second family.

"I loved Rabbi Gabi and Rebbetzin Rivka with all my heart. I miss them so much," he recalled during an interview with Yediot Achronot this week.

The day of the terror attack, Dr. Prasad was 500 miles away from Mumbai.
When he heard about the terror attacks, he prayed along with tens of thousands of people all over the world that the Holtzbergs and the other Chabad House captives would be safe. When Dr. Prasad heard that his beloved rabbi and rebbetzin had been murdered, he was devastated.

In the weeks that followed, Dr. Prasad decided that he must react to such a tremendous act of darkness and evil with an equally great act of light and goodness.

Five months ago, Dr. Prasad left behind his prestigious job and life of material comfort and immigrated with his family to Israel, where his family resides in a tiny apartment in the Hebron settlement of Kiryat Arba. Despite the life of material simplicity that he has had to adopt in the Jewish homeland, Prasad explains that today he is "the happiest person alive."

"Every day my heart races with excitement that I am living next to Hebron, the 2nd holiest city to the Jewish people," he explains.

This Thursday will be one of the happiest days of Prasad's life, when, exactly a year following the Holtzberg murder, Dr. Prasad will remarry his wife, Rut Malka, this time in accordance with Jewish law at the Cave of Machpela in Hebron. In attendance will be their three children, who also completed the conversion process with their parents, Shmuel (18), Sara (15), and Sharon (10).

Dr. Prasad is in the process of converting his medical license, and hopes to start working at the clinic in Kiryat Arba as well as at Shaarei Tsedek Hospital in Jerusalem over the coming year.

What a tremendous living memorial the Prasad family is to the contribution, self-sacrifice, and impact of this incredible couple- Rabbi Gabi and Rivki Holtzberg. Y'hee Zichram Baruch.

(Source of Information: "Jewish Soul" by Tzvi Zinger and Lior El-Chai, Yediot Achronot, November 16, 2009)

Moishy Holtzberg's Upsherin- Incredible

JewishMOM.com — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 20:28:52 +0000
They can hate us, they can curse us, they can kill us by the millions or send terrorists to kill us one by one by one. But the Jewish people is the Eternal People. The Nation of the Impossible. Watch this video, see Moishy Holtzberg's shining, infectious smile, and see in this full-of-life little boy and his heroic grandparents the meaning of the words: "AM YISRAEL CHAI!" [vimeo 7696358]

This Week's Mommy Peptalk: The Eternal People and the Jewish Mom

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 09:55:51 +0000
On the moving and historic bar mitzvah of the grandson of the Belzer Rebbe, and the secret weapon of the Eternal People-- the Jewish mom. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4SglTtlebI]

Chana's 4 Calm Mom Rules

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 09:15:49 +0000
When I first became a mom, I was so stressed out, so anxious, that garden-variety bickering between the kids or just getting uncooperative the kids out of the house in the morning was enough to push me over the edge—screaming, panicking, hitting. Today, while I definitely still have my faults and mothering traits that I struggle with day after day after day, I have, at the very least, managed to become a really calm mom. So what's my secret? What has changed? Here are my 4 Calm-Mom rules. If you are a stressed out mom, and you can adopt even one of these changes, your kids will thank you, and YOU will thank you too.

No Sugar- I used to wake up every day with a cup of coffee with two heaping tablespoons of sugar (my husband's favorite quip: "Would you like some coffee with your sugar?") I ate healthily in general, but on Shabbat, or on special occasions, or late at night I'd treat myself to sugary treats. But then, 5 years ago, I read about the connection between sugar and mood swings, and realizing that I could use some help in the mood-stability department, and I decided to try cutting out the sugar.

It was really, really tough (envision an alcoholic at the Betty Ford Center) but I stuck with it—for 2 whole weeks. Until one Shabbat when a guest brought us this amazing, gourmet $50 cake. And I decided that a little Shabbat treat wouldn't do any harm, and I cut myself a big pastel-yellow slice. That night, I was so anxious and so wired that I couldn't get to sleep until 3 AM! This showed me loud and clear what sugar had been doing to me for all those years… And that was the last time I had sugar, and I've never looked back. 2. No Caffeine- Around that same time, I read about the caffeine-anxiety connection, and I decided that that had to go as well. Breaking my addiction to that morning cup of coffee was also very tough. How would I wake up in the morning without it? But after the first few tough, groggy days, I realized that I felt just as awake without coffee and tea as I once did with them. And it helped me to continue and stick with my decision once I realized how much calmer I felt. Again, cutting out caffeine and sugar has totally changed me. I am a different person. More calm, more in control, more stable. Sugar and caffeine for anxious moms, I've decided, are the Sitra Achra, the Dark Side. Try going cold turkey until Chanukah. You will thank me. 3. Daily Exercise- I was never ever a go-to-the-gym type. In fact, I fulfilled my highschool requirement for an after-school sport by serving as the "manager" for the school ultimate Frisbee team :) But about two years ago, I was feeling really overweight and generally disgusted with myself, and I decided to join a gym. And now I go to the gym six days a week, not because of my weight (although that is a nice side benefit) but because exercise makes me feel AMAZING. An article called "Why Exercise Makes You Less Anxious" that appeared in last week's New York Times explains why exercise makes us feel so good, and why it is so important for us stress-surrounded moms in particular. Basically, after 6 weeks of regular vigorous exercise, rats were found to have brains that were Teflon-resistant to stress. "The rats had created, through running, a brain that seemed biochemically, molecularly, calm." Want to be "biochemically, molecularly, calm" when your kids are trying their darndest to drive you up a wall? Exercise! Join a gym today! 4. Join a Parenting Class- Learn how to get your kids to cooperate, and how to educate them with a smile and a prize rather than a scowl and a smack. I know, you don't have time to take a parenting class. But do it anyway. The hours you invest in learning proper and positive parenting techniques is the greatest investment you can make in your precious children, as well as your own precious (and dwindling?) sanity. Remember, your sons and your daughters are learning how to be parents from YOU! Which means that you are simultaneously investing in the mental health of three generations- your own, your children's, and your grandchildren's as well…

winter 2009 004

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 10:21:39 +0000

A Masterpiece from the Weisberg Fridge

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 10:22:46 +0000
[caption id="attachment_411" align="alignleft" width="375" caption="Moriah Weisberg's Masterpiece"][/caption] OK, you've got four guesses. My precocious 4-year-old, Moriah, has drawn an: A. Enraged egg B. Encaged sheep C. Bun-less yet Leggy Hamburger D. None of the Above If you guessed D, you're right. But still... what IS IT? When I tell you, it's going to be so obvious that you're going to kick yourself... This is Moriah's picture of Avraham Avinu in the Kivshan Ha'esh, our Patriarch Abraham in the Fiery Furnace where the wicked King Nimrod placed him for breaking his father's idols. Now you see it, right? It so clear... The beads of sweat on Avraham's forehead. The look of exasperation mixed with monotheistic determination on our Patriarch's face... This is going to get prime real estate on the Weisberg Family fridge... I LOVE IT!

Mommy Peptalk: The Star of the 50th Reunion

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 09:48:15 +0000

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Why I believe my mom was the true star of her 50th high school reunion. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XUnSqae3OA]

A Great Idea! A Postpartum Doula!

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 10:59:48 +0000

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The postpartum period for me is always really overwhelming and things get pretty out of control in the Weisberg home. So, thank G-d, I am blessed with an amazing mother-in-law who comes here from Canada for every birth to basically take over my home and family for the month following my birth. And when she leaves...I STILL totally fall apart. So this week, when I got an email from a mailing list member with the signature "Postpartum Doula" I wrote back right away to hear about this incredible-sounding newfound (at least by me) profession... This woman (named Devora Strauss from Beit Shemesh) explained that a postpartum doula is certified to help the mother of a newborn baby in accordance with the individual needs of her particular family. She can provide, for example... -education for new moms on nursing, babycare, and other mothering-related topics -A listening ear, validation, and support -light housekeeping -Referrals to consultants and therapists, when necessary. I think this is the coolest idea, that could do so much good for so many moms and families following a birth. To find a postpartum doula in Israel you can visit www.BinahBaby.com I don't know about a similar site to locate postpartum doulas outside of Israel, but now that you know this wonderful profession exists and even has a name, you can search for a postpartum doula in your community as well. (An amazing resource for this kind of search as well as everything else is Imamother.com- the uber bulletin-board for the Orthodox Jewish mom) Also, here is a really great video about a master postpartum doula and how she saved one drowning postpartum family... [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFY8LUJZfvc]

Ladies in Waiting: Some Thoughts on Making Waiting Easier

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 10:04:22 +0000

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Last week I got a phone call from a young woman who has been married for 3 years, and has been unable to get pregnant. "The doctors say everything is fine. And if I knew I would get pregnant in six months or 16 months or 26 months even, then it would be so much easier. But this waiting and not knowing if I will ever have a child is so incredibly difficult." Infertility is one of the most difficult challenges a human being can face. A student once told the Torah scholar Nechama Leibowitz, "You never had children, but look at your thousands of students whom you have influenced so deeply! We are your children!" And she shot him a look dripping with pain, and said, "When Isaac was brought to slaughter by his father during the Akeda, he still could not begin to fathom the pain of a woman who waits and waits to become a mother." But the truth is that we moms know that even after we become mothers, the waiting doesn't end. We are waiting to give birth. We are waiting for the baby to start sleeping through the night. We are waiting to get pregnant…again, and then we wait some more. We are waiting for our husbands to change, for our children to change, for our lives to change. Waiting is the essence of being a woman. But that doesn't make it any easier. So what can make your waiting easier? Rabbanit Yemima Mizrachi explains that a woman who is waiting should focus on gratitude. You don't have a baby—but, thank G-d!, you do have a husband who is your best friend, you do have a job you love, you do have time to write songs and study Torah. Your family bank account has crashed, and until things improve you can't afford help in the house—but, thank G-d!- you have three children, everybody in your family is healthy, and you own a home in a great Jewish neighborhood. You have difficult pregnancies, and this one has been particularly brutal—but, thank G-d!- your parents live nearby and come twice a week to watch the older kids, you always dreamed of having a large family and you are well on your way to achieving that life goal, and at least your babies are born sleeping through the night… Be grateful for what you have because that daily dose of gratitude will be the spoonful of sugar that makes your own personal dose of waiting sweeter, shorter, easier. (This article was based on the classes of Rabbanit Yemima Mizrachi) And now scientists have also figured out what we Jews have always known—that gratitude promotes health and happiness. Read the cool scientific findings here: http://ca.lifestyle.yahoo.com/health-fitness/articles/body-mind/cp/home_family-researchers_find_that_regular_gratitude_can_promote_health_happiness

This Week's Mommy Peptalk: Do Something

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 10:52:10 +0000

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How every Jewish mom can add some light to the dispel the darkness this Chanukah. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqasCXtWDDU]

Dr. Tzvi Kedmi A"H: A Modern Chanukah Miracle

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 08:29:55 +0000

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"I was so sorry to hear about your father-in-law, Tamara…" And that was how I came to hear the story of a modern-day hero, Dr. Tzvi Kedmi, one of the few Jews to enter through the gate that read "Arbeit Macht Frei," and to exit Auschwitz alive as the only member of his entire extended family to survive the Holocaust. Immediately following the war, Kedmi married in his native Hungary, and in 1947 the Kedmis traveled on the SS Exodus towards Palestine along with over 4000 Holocaust survivors, only to be turned back by the British authorities and returned to a camp in occupied Germany. On May 15, 1948, the day of the declaration of the State of Israel, the Kedmis finally achieved a long-held dream when they arrived in Israel, where they were among the very first immigrants to the newborn state. Fresh off the boat, Kedmi risked his life fighting the attacking Arab armies during the War of Independence. Afterwards, Kedmi spent many years devoting himself to building up the land of Israel as a tractor driver on the religious kibbutz Nir Etsion, and then, inspired by his intense, life-long love for children, he moved to Haifa where he took over as the principal of a school with a difficult population. After 10 years of marriage, the Kedmis were overjoyed when they finally had their first child, a baby girl. 5 years later, they also had a boy named Shmuel, who is Tamara's husband. As Tamara spoke with such fondness and admiration for her father-in-law, I thought of the fact that every grandfather is happy to hear about the birth of a new grandchild. But for Tzvi Kedmi, every grandchild born to him, every great-grandchild born to him, must have felt like a revealed miracle. Nobody in Kedmi's whole family had survived, he himself had nearly not survived. Who would have ever believed that this man who had felt the breath of the Angel of Death on the back of his neck at such a young age, would live into his mid-90s? And that he, Tzvi Kedmi, inmate of the most notorious of the Nazi death camps, would live to celebrate the births of 8 grandchildren and 4 great-grandchildren? In the land of Israel, no less! Over 2000 years after a handful of Maccabees declared victory over the most powerful army in the world, in Kedmi's lifetime the impossible happened once again. An entire Jewish family reduced to ashes except for one glowing, determined ember had risen yet again into a mighty flame bringing light to the Jewish people and the world. As I spoke with Tamara this morning, I was thinking about how transformative it would be to learn to see our own precious children through Tzvi Kedmi's eyes. To experience the wonder of the momentous, the historically impossible, the miraculous Jewish child.

A Chanukah Carol: In one moment of silence, my Jewish identity was born

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 08:39:21 +0000

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Reprinted from Aish.com by Chana Jenny Weisberg In fourth grade I transferred from an almost all-Jewish public school to a Quaker prep school. I have made other big transitions since then. But that move to Mrs. Mitchell's classroom at the Friends School of Baltimore was by far the most traumatic transition of them all. I was painfully shy, sincere, and insecure, a toxic combination for the new eight-year-old on the block. I kept on failing the tests on Greek history, which was the focus of the 4th grade curriculum, so day after day I was forced to stay inside during recess in order to study. This was actually a relief, though, since I was also failing in the playground. One day, the daughter of a judge with an alligator on her shirt came up to me with a group of snickering friends and asked, "Did you get your clothing from a junkyard?" Music class was the worst. In earlier grades, my new classmates had learned a complex system of hand gestures that represented the notes of the songs we sang, but I had never learned these hand gestures in public school. I was always looking at the person next to me, trying to do what everyone else did, trying desperately to just fit in. And then there were the preparations for the annual Christmas concert. I was the only student who did not know the Christmas carols. I also found the words confusing. During a rehearsal of "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" I asked our teacher, "Excuse me, Ms. Vidor, what does the word 'Christ' mean?" Ms. Vidor, a devoted member of her church choir, lit up. "Excellent question! The word 'Christ' means the 'the Lord.'" I smiled, "Then why do we sing "Christ, the Lord"? It's silly to say "The Lord, the Lord!" Ms. Vidor gave me a sour look, and did not respond. I was embarrassed. I had been a bad girl. MAKING WAVES Things started looking up when I began junior high school. I had learned, more or less, to dress like my classmates, to talk like them, to act like them. I was beginning to fit in at long last. It was a dream come true. One snowy December day while waiting for the city bus to the Jewish area of Baltimore, my classmate, Erin, asked me "So, what do you do during the Christmas carols?" "What do you mean?" "I mean when they sing 'Jesus' and stuff. We're Jews, we can't say that." For all those years, I had never thought about it. It had never occurred to me that I should do anything different than our Christian classmates. But I admired Erin, who later became our student-body president and an Off-Broadway director. The last thing I wanted to do was make waves. But I knew that she was right. So during that year's Christmas concert, when we got to the chorus of "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" I looked towards the alto section and I followed Erin's lead. Right after we sang "Oh come let us adore him" Erin clamped her mouth shut and did not sing "Christ, the Lord." With a racing heart I did the same. For the six years from that concert until my high school graduation, I clamped my mouth shut year after year and never discussed it with anyone. But it was significant. In fact, looking back, I realize that this was probably the most important annual event of my childhood. It was my own small way of declaring in front of my favorite teachers and my dearest friends, "Look, I don't know much about being a Jew. I pretty much only know that it means that I should not sing these words. But with this moment of silence I am telling you that somewhere deep down I know that being a Jew is something important. Deep down I know that it means that somehow I am different... "And I really hope that doesn't mean that I'm a bad girl." MY DAUGHTER I am a person who cries a lot. I cry when I listen to Country and Western songs, when I read the Weddings section in the Sunday Times, when I hear the Israeli national anthem, when I read Aish.com. But nothing makes me cry like my daughter's annual Chanukah play. This year, for the fifth Chanukah in a row, I will watch one of my daughters perform in the Chanukah play at nursery school. This year, my Ma'ayan will stand with all the other four and five-year-olds, wearing a crown shaped like a flame, and singing the same song that they sing every year about driving away the darkness. Then Ma'ayan will hold a doll and a prayer book and sing the same song that they sing every year about hiding from the Greeks in the caves in order to live as Jews. I will look around me at the other mothers with their dry eyes and their digital video cameras, and I'll know that when these mothers were children, they were singing these very same songs at their own Chanukah plays. And I will cry because I will remember that Ma'ayan in her crown like a flame is the child of that same girl who was standing on those bleachers singing "Oh Come All Ye Faithful." I will cry because my heart cannot contain the disbelief mixed with thankfulness that I feel when I remember that that girl with her moment of silence became the mother of children who fill the family's Shabbat table with stories from the weekly Torah portion, whose favorite song is "Jerusalem of Gold," who have no idea that Chanukah is not the only holiday that comes in December. But more than anything else, when I see Ma'ayan singing these Chanukah songs at the top of her lungs, I cry because I realize that I am raising a daughter who will never ever have to worry that by being a good Jew she is being a bad girl.

ChanukahPlay

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 08:41:35 +0000

ChanukahPlay

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 08:52:58 +0000

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JewishMOM.com — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 09:33:09 +0000
http://jewishmoms.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/dancing-w-child-sh.jpg

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JewishMOM.com — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 09:50:55 +0000
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A Miracle for Chanukah '09: TV Interview with Recovered Injured Groom Aaron Karov

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 10:54:31 +0000

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You are not going to believe this. A true miracle for Chanukah '09. Lt. Aaron Karov, who last year went to fight in the Gaza War less than 24 hours after his wedding, and was the most severely injured soldier from the Gaza War, is now nearly fully recovered and giving TV interviews. The doctors, who had initially given him up for dead, are in shock about the miraculous progress he has made. Thank you G-d! If you speak Hebrew, you've got to watch this video about Lt. Karov's miraculous recovery. It is unbelievably moving and inspirational. If you need help with the Hebrew, you can read the summary below of what Lt. Karov says in the interview before you watch this phenomenal video. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgXM67-8OFA] Interview Highlights Aaron Karov: "I wanted to say a few things to the Jewish people, to all the people who prayed for me. I want to say 'Thank you!' If I could only kiss every single one of you..." "We don't despair. It doesn't matter what happens. We don't despair. When Karov first regained the power of speech, the first thing he did was call his wife, Tzvia, to say "I love you." "We have to contribute to Israel. If we don't contribute to our country, who will?...As much as possible, we should go into leadership positions in the army." The interviewer: "And you never ask G-d questions? Why this happened?" Karov answers: "Not at all..." "I, Tzvia, and G-d, we are walking together. I always feel that there is Someone else together with us...A entity of goodness." Here's a full translation of the entire clip: 12 hours after his chuppah, he was already inside Gaza. His title of 2nd Lieutenant in the Paratroopers unit met up with his title as a newly-married groom, and the army won. Aaron Karov and his soldiers were going from house to house to locate weapons until he came across the explosive that turned him into the most critically injured soldier in the entire Cast Lead Operation. This is how this young man whose parents and wife had been told that he was killed sounded this past week. Interviewer (Sivan Rahav Meir): Hello Aaron Karov Aaron Karov: Hello Interviewer: How are you? Aaron Karov:Thank G-d. Amazing. Interviewer: Amazing? Aaron Karov: Amazing? Why not? Interviewer: Why did you finally decide to speak in front of the camera? Aaron Karov: I want to say a few things to the Jewish people. To all the people who prayed for me. I want to say "Thank You!" If I could only kiss every single one of you... Interviewer: That's what you would do Aaron Karov:Yes. He would like to express his gratitude to the people who sent him the thousands of letters that he is now slowly reading through. His family created an album full of comments from internet articles that appeared about his story. Interviewer: You are the only person in this whole country who receives only good comments on his internet articles! Aaron and Rabbi Karov (Aaron's Father): [Laughing] Rabbi Karov: There is one comment here that says "I hope that one day you will be able to read this comment." A year ago, kassams were falling on Beersheva, Ashkelon, and Kiryat Gat. The IDF prepared itself to enter Gaza. 2nd Lt. Karov was released to return home only a day prior to his wedding. Aaron Karov: We got married. It was amazing. And then we went to our home in Kedumim. And then my company commander called. He said "You have to come back. My wife and I cried and...finally I left. I went to the Tseelim base." Interviewer: She wasn't angry that you left like that for the war? Even you yourself, aren't you sorry sometimes that you had to go? Aaron Karov: I'm saying, she and I knew that I had to leave for the battle. Why? Because I had been with those soldiers since the beginning. Instead of 7 days of joy and celebration of the Sheva Brachot, Karov was searching for weapons house by house until the terrible event. Aaron Karov: We entered into the back of the house. We went up about four steps. We turned left, and then we got to the door. The bomb exploded. I flew back. Interviewer: All of this you don't remember. You are reenacting it. People told you. Aaron Karov: People told me. I don't remember anything from approximately 8 or 9 steps from before the injury. Nothing. Interviewer: I'll tell you what I remember. That at our news desk they said that morning "That young man, the groom who went to war, has apparently been killed. He's so critical that he won't survive." Aaron Karov: Many people said I was in critical condition, even when my wife went, she arrived with the officers, and her friend came and asked them "What's the diagnosis for this one..." And they did this [hand movement indicating that he was dying]. Rabbi Karov: The officer who came to tell us, his message was clear, that this was the end. He didn't say it that way. He said, "Aaron has been injured very critically. We have to hurry to the hospital." And he added: "To say goodbye to him." The Karov family agreed to present several family films from this difficult year that give us a sense of his remarkable recovery. For the first few days, he lay like this. On life support and in an induced coma. The Chassidic singer Avraham Fried came to his bedside to sing him a wedding melody, when it appeared that he was comatose. After three weeks in that department, he was released to the rehab department of the hospital. His doctor parts from him and salutes him. Doctor: As a doctor in the Golani brigade, even though I am a Major, I salute a brave 2nd Lieutenant. I'll be seeing you. Nurse: Slowly, slowly. What? You don't want to go back to your room? Here is the documentation of the first step. Today Karov explains where he got the strength to fight the battle, not the one on the battefield, but the one that he faced every day in the hospital department. Aaron Karov: We don't despair, no matter what! We do not despair. From the very beginning, when it wasn't me, when it was my family, they didn't despair for one moment. After that, came the first words. Karov refuses to be emotional when he tells what he said when the power of speech returned to him. Aaron Karov: "My sister, Miriam, was with me. She said, "Call Tsvia." Tsvia wasn't there. She was at home. So I called Tsvia and I told her, "I love you." And these are rehabilitation exercises with his father (footage of them punching a punching bag). And to this day, he follows a daily rehab regemin. His rehabiliation has shocked doctors with its speed. And he is about to leave for a series of plastic surgeries in the US, to improve the appearance of his face, about which he is not embarrassed. Aaron Karov: "OK, that's it, OK, so let's say that small children look at you like this [shocked expression]. OK. And older children and adults walk behind me and then look at me. Because it's not nice to look at me this way, so they look at me that way. It's OK. What can you do?" There's one thing that he doesn't want to talk about: politics. He doesn't want to give his opinion on the freezing of building in the settlements, on the refusal of soldiers to evacuate settlements, on the Goldstone report that writes about the same military operation that he participated in. Karov studied at the Hesder Yeshiva in Gush Katif, and he is only willing to say that the disengagement was a mistake in his opinion. And to talk about the motivation to serve in the army. Aaron Karov: We have to contribute to our country. If we don't contribute to the country, who will? The people who don't serve?! What can we do? As much as possible, we need to serve in the upper ranks of the army. Interviewer: You talk a lot about G-d, and about faith. Aaron Karov: All the time. I really feel that it's Tsvia, me, and G-d. We're walking together. We're together. I always feel that there's Someone else. That there's Someone else besides Tsvia, and that's G-d. An entity of goodness. Interviewer: And you don't sometimes ask Him questions. Why? Aaron Karov: Absolutely not. Almost a year has passed since the 10 pieces of shrapnel entered his body including his brain, a year of 10 difficult operations, and countless hours of exhausting rehabilation. It wasn't surprising to learn at the end of our interview that Aaron Karov grew up and became who he is today on the street called HaTivka, the Hope. Aaron Karov: "The person responsible for all of the injured soldiers, at six someone told him 'At Belinson there is someone who's going to die. In a few minutes he's going to die.' And now, thank G-d, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. What are you going to do?"

This Week's Mommy Peptalk: The "Holiday" Concert

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 09:18:31 +0000
Reflections on Holiday concerts past and present. [googlevideo=http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3255264466357241912&ei=l64kS8ndMJnW2wLhstX9AQ&q=the+holiday+concert#]

Chanukah Reflections: Imaginations Run Amok

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 10:43:06 +0000
Yesterday I was walking to the market when I heard someone shrieking and starting a fight with a passerby. I turned around, but it wasn't anything serious. It was just Yankel yelling again. And Yankel's always angry, always yelling at somebody or about somebody. "I'm going to kill him! I'll never forgive him for what he did! I'm going to clobber him, he'll never forget it! Why is your stupid baby always crying, shut up, shut up!" Sometimes Yankel's yelling at somebody else, sometimes he's yelling as he's telling someone else about somebody else who irritated him, but most of the time he's just walking down the street on his own, yelling at no one in particular, disgruntled and fuming with anger and preparing for a fight. Yankel's mental illness means that he is ruled by his imagination. It's interesting that Rebbe Nachman teaches that the Chanukah War between the Maccabees and the Greeks actually represents the ongoing war between a human being and his or her imagination. And Yankel has clearly lost that battle, and sadly, even tragically, loses it again and again day after day. Because when our imaginations rules us and not the other way around, it means that the Animal-me is trampling the Human-me. In recent weeks, since I have learned this Torah from Rebbe Nachman, I have been a bit shocked to discover just how much I have in common with Yankel, just how often my imagination tramples everything and everyone in its path. I have realized just how often I twist another person's harmless or even kind comment and read all sorts of unintended intentions into it. For example: "She says that she loved my book, but I can tell that really she hated it…" "My husband says he likes my new scarf, but I can tell he's just saying that. He's really thinking it makes my ears stick out." "My friend was so distracted and stressed out when I saw her the last time. I think it's because she doesn't like me at all anymore…" A few months ago I read an incredible book called Motherstyles which explains that different moms have different personality types, and helps readers to figure out their own personal mothering strengths and work on their mothering weaknesses based on their particular mothering type. One of the four aspects of personality discussed in the book is the Feeling-Thinking divide. Some people have a tendency, the book's authors explain, to make decisions based on Feeling and some people have a tendency to make decisions based on Thinking. And most of us moms, and women in general (including me) are Feeling-based decision makers. But I realized after reading this teaching from Rebbe Nachman that being a Feeling mom has serious dangers. It means that the Animal-me could be running amok and could easily trample the Human-me. It means that I too could be Yankel. The authors of Motherstyles suggest therefore that Feeling Moms should have a "Thinking friend" that they consult with before making major decisions. I am blessed with two such thinking friends (and I am especially blessed that one of them is my husband!) whom I consult before I make important decisions, to make sure that my Feeling/Imaginative nature hasn't pulled me wildly off track from logic and reality. But since I read this Rebbe Nachman, I have found that oftentimes, when my imagination is percolating a brave new twisted twist of my reality based on feelings run amok, that I can be my own thinking friend. I can say to myself: "She says that she loved my book, and maybe she actually loved it?" or "My husband says he likes the new scarf. Maybe he actually likes how it looks?" or "My friend is stressed out and distracted because she is worried about something. It has nothing whatsoever to do with me." I'm happy to discover that I, at least upon occasion, can be my own thinking friend. This self-friendship is helping me to win the Chanukah war against my imagination, dismissing and unraveling warped thought by warped thought. Maybe it could help you too, to be more like YOU and less like Yankel.

Yehudit and You: A Chanukah Story

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 10:53:40 +0000
by Chana Jenny Weisberg Reprinted from TheJewishWoman.org, Someone once claimed that my alma mater, Bowdoin College of Maine, is the most thoroughly non-Jewish college in the United States. This isn't really true. In fact, Jews make up a full 10% of the student body. But it is true that Bowdoin is not a college that Jewish students generally attend in order live a Jewish life. Bowdoin's Jewish Student Organization is so small that the only activities it sponsored during my college years were High Holiday prayers and weekly Shabbat candle-lighting services that I attended- until I tired of sitting in a room by myself with a pair of candlesticks waiting for someone else to show up. Even the nearest Chabad House was a full forty miles away. On strict orders from my landlady, I lit Shabbat candles in my shower stall This suited me just fine until I traveled for my junior year abroad to Israel and spent two months studying Judaism in a yeshiva. I returned to Bowdoin with one kosher pot, a few boxes of kosher macaroni and cheese, and a braided candle to perform the Havdalah ceremony to mark the end of Shabbat. I thought I was all set to live a Jewish life in the Maine wilderness. This was going to be fun. But, from the very beginning, it turned out to be anything but fun. Unlike my spiritual, song-filled Israeli Shabbats spent with families and good friends, at Bowdoin, on strict orders from my landlady, I lit Shabbat candles in my shower stall. For my Shabbat dinner I ate macaroni and cheese on my own in a kitchen that smelled perpetually like sausage, and then topped off my Shabbat experience with a few hours spent reading magazines in the college library. Weekdays weren't any better. The ceremony marking the beginning of the school year was held in a local church. When I went to speak with the college president during his office hours about this non-inclusive choice of venue, he answered me with a kindly smile. The kind that is usually reserved for a particularly dumb two-year-old. In my Jewish Studies class as well, I was a vocal defender of traditional Judaism. This meant that I was loathed by my professor and fellow students alike who thought that the Torah was old-fashioned and musty, and desperately in need of renovation and ventilation. Then the dress rehearsal of the orchestra's final concert was scheduled on a Friday night. As soon as I found this out a few weeks before the concert, I told the conductor that I would not be able to attend the final rehearsal since I was Jewish, and Judaism prohibited playing the French horn on Shabbat. The next day his secretary called me to tell me that I was no longer a member of the orchestra, leaving me scrambling for enough credits to graduate that spring. Several weeks after my college graduation, I moved to Jerusalem. For the past fourteen years, I have lived in a country where Shabbat is an official day of rest. Today, I share my block with three synagogues, and have a choice of dozens of kosher restaurants located within walking distance of my home (Thank G-d, I haven't touched macaroni and cheese from a box in years). Many people who live outside of Israel think it must be a tough place to live. And it's true, sort of. Over the years that I have lived here, there have been countless terror attacks, several wars, and constant threats to be driven into the sea by our Arab neighbors. But looking back at my own life, I realize that for me, it was infinitely tougher to live in Maine. ---------------------------------------------------- The Greeks of the Chanukah story were not like the Nazis or the Arab terrorists who go after Jewish blood for its own sake. They came to the Jews with one request: become like us, so we can all live happily ever after… And who in their right mind, the Greeks reasoned, wouldn't want to join the wave of the future, and give up this musty, old-fashioned religion called Judaism? What did the Jews have against philosophy anyway? And gladiators? And paganism? Why would any enlightened human being have anything against progress? To this end, the Greeks outlawed observance of Shabbat, and circumcision, and Torah study. Most Jews were sucked in by the Greeks. These Jews started dressing like Greeks, thinking like Greeks, and praying like Greeks. Within a generation or two, the descendants of these assimilated Jews were no longer members of the Jewish people. The heroes of the Chanukah story, the Maccabees, were different. This was a single family that dared to take on the whole Greek empire on behalf of the Jews who courageously remained loyal to the Jewish tradition. But did you know that Jewish tradition teaches us that Judah the Maccabee had an aunt? A lone Maccabee-ette. She was a young widow named Yehudit, and she was as wise and pious as she was beautiful. Yehudit lived in a village that bravely refused to give up the Torah in order to live happily ever after. In response, the Greeks laid siege to the village until its residents were starving and dying of thirst. The village leaders decided to submit to the Greek demands. But one brave woman felt otherwise. Yehudit dressed up in her most beautiful gown, put on her fanciest jewelry, and her most expensive perfume, and risked her life as she set out for the military camp of the evil Greek governor, Holofernes. The governor noticed the beautiful Jewess and invited her for a private audience in his tent. Yehudit got the governor so drunk that he fell asleep. Instead of the romantic encounter Holofernes had counted on, Yehudit beheaded him as he slept, setting the stage for a surprise military victory for the loyal Jews of her village. ------------------------------------------------------ We can learn many lessons from Yehudit's story, but most importantly this brave Jewish woman teaches us that being a good Jew is something that often requires courage and self-sacrifice. It is these Jews who have a special opportunity to live up to Yehudit's legacy Her story personally reminds me that it is one thing to be a Jew in a place where there are three synagogues on your block, and dozens of kosher restaurants within smelling distance. And quite another thing to be a Jew practicing his or her religion in a place where Judaism is considered exotic at best, and musty and old-fashioned at worst. It is these Jews who have a special opportunity to live up to Yehudit's legacy, and to bring the special light of Chanukah into the world. The Jew who raises questions when she turns down a slice of her co-worker's famous baked ham at her office's annual x-mas party is a modern-day Yehudit. The Jew who raises eyebrows by putting a menorah in her window in a sea of neighbors' tinsel and flashing lights is a modern-day Yehudit. The Jew who raises awareness by giving a presentation on Chanukah to children of diverse backgrounds in her son's first-grade class is a modern-day Yehudit. ----------------------------------------------------------- Every year on Chanukah, I remember being a freshman at Bowdoin College, and seeing the 30-foot-high x-mas tree in the Student Union. I then noticed a small paper menorah that one brave Jewish student had posted up beside it. To this day, I have no idea who that student was. But I can tell you one thing for certain. Their name was Yehudit.

My Vote for This Year's Top Chanukah Videos!

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 10:51:56 +0000

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Every Chanukah, my inbox gets filled with the year's funniest and best new Chanukah videos... I wanted to share my favorites so far from this year... Neil Young Sings Adam Sandler's Chanukah Song This new version of an oldie but goodie brought a big smile to this Jewish mom's face... [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOegH4uYe-c] The Mormon Senator's Chanukah Song Senator Orrin Hatch is a devout Mormon, but he really, truly loves Jews. He serves on the Board of Directors of the US Holocaust Museum, wears a mezuza around his neck, and says that sometimes he feels sorry he wasn't simply born a Jew. You might not love his songwriting, but three cheers for this senator who loves Chanukah so much! I found this video moving, even Messianic-- may we soon build a house of prayer for ALL the nations. [vimeo 7971216] Chanukah with the Rebbes This video is the holy of holies. Chassidic Rebbes lighting Chanukah candles. Gevaldt! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcqoSy5jZKo] 60-Seconds of Sufgania I made this video last year, but I am especially enjoying it this year, because it ends with footage of the Weisberg cuties eating sufganiyot, so I get to enjoy last year's missing teeth, and bangs in need of cutting, and bouncing one-year olds. Nachas is like cheese (they even sound alike!)- they get better with age. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-tKvcn0NIk]

A Jewish Army Mom in Iraq for Chanukah

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 08:56:20 +0000
I was just about to click to send out this week's newsletter when I noticed this letter in my inbox. I just had to share this amazing story, a Jewish mom spending this Chanukah a 16-hour flight away from her husband and 2 kids in Ohio in order to serve the United States serving in the US Army in Iraq. I've lived in Israel long enough to remember Saddam Hussein's threats and the gas masks and sealed rooms that followed...so as an American-born Israeli I salute Major Judy Sallerson TWICE! Here's the letter: Hi Chana, I hope this note finds you well. My name is Monica, and I’m writing on behalf of Operation Tribute to Freedom (OTF), a program out of the U.S. Army Office of the Chief of Public Affairs, created to honor Soldiers serving in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom and Operation Enduring Freedom and to give them opportunities to share their stories of life and service with the American people. I thought you and readers of The JewishMom.com blog might be interested in the story of Maj. Judy Sallerson, a Jewish mom of 2 who is celebrating Chanukah in Iraq this year. Currently serving as an Engineer Equipment Officer at Camp Liberty, Maj. Sallerson is responsible for supplying several units with the lumber and materials they need to accomplish their missions. While excited for Chanukah, she also recognizes that it will be far different spending it with fellow Soldiers in Iraq than with her husband, Dan, and two children (Danny, 13 and Sammy, 7) in Canton, Ohio. She explains, “Dan and the boys will be celebrating with me over Skype. They will be lighting Chanukah candles at home while I say the prayer because candles are not allowed here. We will celebrate at sundown in Iraq instead of Ohio this year. The remaining 7 nights, I will celebrate alone by lighting a battery operated Menorah. Some of the guys found out that I didn’t bring a Menorah and they made one for me out of extra PVC pipe. It will be great to take that home and celebrate with it every year. I was also able to order gifts for the boys on-line and I tried to stagger them to arrive one a night for the 8 nights, but I’m not sure how that will work out. My husband and boys have sent me three gifts so far for Chanukah.” Major Judy Sallerson, you are far from your family, but this Chanukah you will be in the hearts of Jewish moms everywhere. JewishMom.com salutes you!

A Funny Video about becoming a Living Menorah...

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 10:51:29 +0000
Did you know that on Chanukah we don't only need to light a Menorah, we're supposed to BECOME a Menorah! We're supposed to light up our faces with a sincere smile to bring joy to our kids, our husbands, our families, and the world. But Chanukah is long, and is there any mom reading this whose smile hasn't nearly run out of oil as we approach the end of these 8 days of frying and serving and occupying our on-vacation young ones? So here is a surprise flask of oil for you moms to help you make it to the end of Chanukah with smiles on your faces. This funny and moving video is a powerful reminder of just how much each one of us has the power to become a Living Menorah and bring light to those around us. Whether that place is in a parking garage or with your very own family in your living room. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cbk980jV7Ao]

This Week's Mommy Peptalk: How to Stop Resenting and Start Living

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 11:10:26 +0000
It's no fun being a martyr. And it's even less fun to live with one! Learn how to stop being a happier mom... [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-HBQw1-Ah4] And on the same anti-Martyrdom theme, a short video called "If Mom Ain't Happy..." [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBJa-HSLbi0]

Choosing Life: Some Thoughts on Torah and Children

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 09:19:45 +0000
The last time I walked by that place on David Yellin Street a few months ago, there was just a massive hole in the ground surrounded by a really high fence. But when I walked by the construction site this past Shabbat morning I discovered in its place a towering yeshiva of the Gerer Chassidim built of gleaming white Jerusalem stone. The dedication on the building's façade explained that the yeshiva had been built by two brothers in memory of their parents and three siblings. And every name mentioned was followed by the letters HY"D, Hashem Yikom Damo, may G-d avenge their blood. It took me a moment to comprehend how these brothers could have so many murdered family members… But only a moment. We've heard this story so many times before. Family after family, unfathomable tragedy after unfathomable tragedy. One by one, I imagined, these young boys' family members were taken from them. Their father, and then their mother, and then their sister, and their two brothers. And by the time Hitler had shot himself in the head while biting a cyanide capsule in a Berlin bunker, these boys were left completely and totally alone in the world. Tears started streaming down my face as I thought of these murdered children and mother and father and then the two young brothers left to face life on their own, and, in turn, their tremendous response to evil incarnate, to the senseless killings of the people who were closest to them in the whole world. These brothers decided to spend what I assume was their life savings, many millions of dollars, in order to honor these destroyed and extinguished lives, by creating a place of Torah—a place where hundreds of students will soon dedicate their days and nights to Torah Chaim. And what better way could there possibly be to honor these lost lives than with Torah—the essence of life itself? And then I remembered a story. After the Shoah, a group of survivors was celebrating their first Simchat Torah as free men. They danced and sang with great emotion and joy, until they opened the Torah Ark and discovered that it was empty. A heavy, mournful silence fell over the crowd. With all of the torture and starvation and threats of death the Nazis had inflicted upon them, they hadn't been able to extinguish these Jews' love of Torah. But they had, it appeared, managed to take away their holiest belonging, their Torah scroll… How could these Jews possibly celebrate Simchat Torah without a single Torah scroll? Tears of disappointment and defeat filled the eyes of several of the survivors. But then the rabbi of the group noticed two children on the edge of the crowd; two orphans who had grown up in the camps, and could no longer even remember the final Simchat Torah that they had spent singing on their dancing fathers' shoulders. The rabbi walked over to the children, and picked one up on his shoulders, and signaled for another man to pick up the other boy, and the crowd began to sing and dance again with even greater joy than before as they circled around and around with the boys in place of the lost Torah scroll. Because the Nazis had taken away their Torah scrolls, but there were still Jewish children left in the world. And what better way could there possibly be to honor the Torah than with children—the essence of life itself?

The Photographer and Me: Why I Love Being a Mom

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 19:22:35 +0000
This morning I left the house at 6:30 AM to get Hadas to school on time for her 6th grade overnight camping trip. How wonderful it was to be enjoying the sherbet pink/orange clouds of sunrise at that hour when I am usually bracing myself for the approaching banshee call of my alarm clock. And then, right before we entered the tunnel leading to Agrippas Street, we came across something very surprising. It was a bleary-eyed 20-something woman with jeans and a nose-ring peering through a camera on a tripod. I live in a neighborhood that is teeming with tourists, so seeing a person with a camera wasn't what was surprising. Even the time was unusual, but within the realm of normalcy. What was strange was WHAT she was photographing. Her camera wasn't facing the sherbet clouds, nor one of the historic buildings or quirky, colorful gardens on my street. She was facing the awful tunnel that we were about to pass through- the one that indeterminable construction has transformed for the last few years from a somewhat pleasant, stone-paved pathway into a tuck your nose into your sleeve, scaffolding-eclipsed, I'd rather not know what sticky-substance I just stepped into kind of passageway. Upon examination, the photographer explained to Hadas and me that this was her class assignment, to spend 24 hours photographing this tunnel every two minutes in order to track the subtle changes in light and shadow. She had been there since 3 o'clock that afternoon, and she would be there until 3 PM later that day. I passed her several times after that. On my way back from taking Hadas, and later on my way to the gym and on my way back from the gym. And every time she was there, standing by her camera, or sitting and fiddling with her laptop waiting to take the next photo. The last time I saw her, about 3 hours after my original sighting, I asked her something that I had been wanting to ask her since I had first witnessed her bleary-eyed at sunrise that morning. "Tell me something, are you enjoying this? Is this interesting for you?" "Yes, it's fascinating! I'm enjoying it a great deal…" and she really meant. The photographer's answer surprised me. IMHO, It seemed like there could be few activities more boring, more thoroughly unsatisfying than spending 24 hours photographing this unsavory, midnight-at-noon tunnel… But a few minutes later, when I walked into my own front door, I realized something. I realized that from the outside, my life as a mom must look just about as boring, as tedious, as this woman's class project. Day after day of the same grilled cheese sandwiches, the same runny noses, the same floors to sweep and teeth to brush. And that only I, the person who stands here day after day, hour after hour, can catch the subtleties of growth, of change, of beauty in this chaotic, noisy, wonderful thing called the Weisberg family. I am the only one in the world who can detect when the shadows lift and a child shifts and a moment of wonder takes place that only a mom can see and love. And that, I realized, is why I love being a mom.

Mikvah Praise on the Tyra Banks Show

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 09:09:04 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to receive our Free Weekly Newsletter This proud, beautiful Chassidic woman telling Tyra Banks and the American public the truth about Mikvah made my day. (Thanks to Jill from Manhattan for sending it my way. Since I posted this, a few people emailed to tell me that the woman speaking is Faya Lipskier, co-director of the Chabad House of the West 60's in Manhattan.). Way to go! Jewish moms of the world salute you! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VfbjSYU57os]

Mommy Peptalk: Remembering Rabbi Meir Chai HY"D

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 10:16:16 +0000
What Jewish moms can learn from Rabbi Meir Chai, a devoted father of 7 and an idealistic principal and teacher of young children who was murdered by terrorists this past week. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2qy6Cz6Fko]

Happy Birthday to Me!

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 09:43:40 +0000
Today is my 38th birthday! Which means that today I am completing two full 19-year cycles of the Hebrew calendar. What's interesting is that my life, as well, has consisted of two totally separate 19 year periods. I spent the first 19 years of my life about as far as a Jew can get from Judaism. And the second cycle began with a trip to Israel at the age of 20 that turned my life upside down, or, I guess you could say, right side up. Yesterday I was speaking with a friend who told me, "I know I should be grateful, but the truth is that I take everything I have for granted, my husband, my kids, my life." Afterward I tried to figure out why my friend and I are so different in this way, because I feel so intensely, off-the-charts grateful for everything I have. And I realized that the answer exists in these two black and white, Heaven and earth 19-year cycles of my life. My friend, who grew up in a religious Israeli family, knew from the time she dressed up as a bride for Purim at the age of 4 that she would get married, have kids, have a religious home, live in Israel. It wasn't even something she KNEW, it's just what was. But I know that if G-d hadn't picked me up out of the LL Bean catalog I was living in by the scruff of my neck at the age of 20 and dropped me in Israel, that today I would be another sad American statistic: intermarried, first of 2.2 children born when I was 35, daycare every day from 8 AM to 6 PM, and a home with a dusty Menorah sitting on the same mantel as the Christmas stockings hang from. And wondering, on the rare occasions that I have a moment to think, why I feel such terrible emptiness in my life. Why I feel such a sense of loss when I have lost nothing, or at least nothing I am aware of. So today, on my 38th birthday, I want to publicly thank G-d for everything. For my husband. For my children, For my home. For Israel. For this good and holy life I've been given. I know, I really do, that things totally didn't have to turn out this way. And they nearly didn't. So, I just wanted to take this opportunity to say THANK YOU (with a capital "Y").

My Day with the Older Single

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 11:02:19 +0000
Right before Rosh Hashana, I joined an organized trip for women to visit gravesites of holy people in the North of Israel. I had an issue at the time that I was dealing with, a problem over which I had shed many tears and lost many days in a depressed, stuck funk. And I hoped to use this trip to pray for an end to this problem that was causing me so much disappointment and distress. On the bus, I sat down next to a woman who was visiting Israel for a few weeks. I'll call her Lisa. We ended up spending most of the day talking about Lisa's life. About what it was like being a partner in a male-dominated law firm, about the millions of dollars she had made and then lost and now was trying to make back again. About her introduction to Judaism eight years before, and the Jewish community in LA where she lived. But more than anything we talked about Lisa's age, 42, and her intense and still unfulfilled desire to get married and have a child. Lisa was a charismatic person, fun to talk to, and good-hearted as well. She also looked and dressed like she had just stepped out of a clothing ad in a magazine. How was it possible that such a lovely and incredibly likeable woman had never gotten married? Lisa explained to me that she had been so career-focused for so many years that she had only finally felt emotionally ready to get married at the age of 39. Her closest friends had also decided to get married late, and they were all succeeding in finding men to marry. But she, who in the past had always been chased and pursued by men, was suddenly hearing the booming telltale-heart ticking of her biological clock, and suitable men were no longer lining up to ask her out. Lisa had decided that if she wasn't married by this coming Passover, she would have a child on her own with a sperm donor. Who knew how much longer she would be able to bear a child? She had no time to waste… And this trip to Israel was a last ditch effort to visit gravesites and get blessings from rabbis in order that she should get married in the coming months. Towards the end of the trip, when we were making our way back to Jerusalem, Lisa asked me what I had been praying for at the gravesites all day. I had been praying, of course, about my issue. But I told Lisa only that I had been praying about nothing in particular. And I wasn't making it up. It was true. After a day spent speaking with Lisa, I realized that the issue over which I had spilled so many tears was really nothing. And the truth was that, by the end of that trip with Lisa, I thought of my husband and my children, and was acutely embarrassed that I had ever felt otherwise.

Funny Baby Political Speech

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 09:15:05 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to receive our Free Weekly Newsletter This video made me laugh and laugh and laugh. And I think that we moms need to do more of that, so enjoy! If you know of another video that would make Jewish moms laugh, I would love to see it! Send it to me at jenny18@zahav.net.il [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PI42LSbwc8E]

Mommy Peptalk: Overcoming Frustration 101

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 10:39:27 +0000
How to win the battle with frustration and disappointment in your everyday mothering life. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ro6E-S-fiNs]

Now and Later: Personal Reflections on the Chai Family Tragedy

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 10:58:18 +0000
"I hoped that we could annul the decree, but in the end we weren't able to…" Rabbi Meirav of Yeshivat Shuvu Banim cried out as he wept at the funeral for his beloved son-in-law Rabbi Meir Chai two weeks ago. When I watched the eulogies for Rabbi Chai, the acclaimed educator and father of 7 who was inhumanly gunned down by terrorists on the way to his home in the Shomron, I wondered what decree the father-in-law was talking about. But it wasn’t long before I heard about Rabbi Chai's decree. In fact, over the course of last week, I heard the incredible story of Rabbi Meir Chai's decree over and over and over again- on the radio, in Rabbanit Yemima Mizrachi's weekly class, in the cover story of last week's Mishpacha magazine. 12 years ago, Rabbi Meir Chai was driving home when he was critically injured in a terrible car accident. By the time Rabbi Chai reached the hospital, he had no pulse, and after much effort the medical staff resuscitated him in the emergency room. When he returned to consciousness, Rabbi Chai explained that his soul had risen to Heaven, and had stood before the Heavenly Court for its final judgment. The Court informed Rabbi Chai that the time had come for him to die, but Rabbi Chai pleaded with the judges that he be allowed to return to life. "My wife gave birth this week! I beg you to let me live for 12 more years so that I can raise my son! I also have many students; who will teach them Torah if I die?" So the Court agreed to give him 12 more years. And on the 12 year anniversary of that accident, Rabbi Meir Chai was murdered. For those 12 years, by all accounts, Rabbi Chai was a man on fire. He established multiple religious schools and afterschool Torah-study programs in the Shomron where he lived and beyond. When the girls in one of the schools where he taught were asked who they wanted to teach them Torah, they began chanting louder and louder "Rabbi Chai, Rabbi Chai!" The students loved Rabbi Chai because they sensed how much he loved them and that this was a teacher who was for real. That there was nothing in the world that meant more to Rabbi Chai than teaching Torah and spreading its light to the children of Israel. His 7 children, who didn't know about the decree until after their father's death, said that they noticed that during his final months their father had been acting differently. His oldest son, Eliyahu, age 16, said that in retrospect he understands that his father was preparing the family for life without him. Eliyahu Chai told Mishpacha Magazine: "He prepared us for his death…over the last few months he asked me to be home a lot more, as though he was preparing me for my new position in the family… He was preparing us for the possibility that we would be alone, maybe because he knew that his end was approaching…" And for the past few days I have been thinking a lot about this tragic loss, for Rabbi Chai's wife and family and for all the children of the Shomron. But I've also been thinking of the gift of those 12 years. It is so easy, I find, to live on automatic pilot. Going from breakfast to work to lunch to playground to dinner to bed. I push off what is important because I convince myself that I will do those things LATER. I will put down the mop and read my 4-year-old a story- LATER I will get off the email and make a phone call to my parents- LATER I will go to the supermarket 20 minutes later than usual and have a real conversation with my husband- LATER I will start attending a weekly Torah class- LATER I will finally begin that project I've been dreaming about for years- LATER But Rabbi Chai was a great man who accomplished tremendous things for the Jewish people because he knew that there wouldn't be a later. And the clock he heard ticking every day of those twelve years enabled him, forced him, to live with the total clarity, with the crystal-clear vision of a person who does what is important TODAY. The Ohr HaChaim HaKadosh tells the story of a king who every day gives his Royal Artisan a single diamond in order to affix it to the royal crown. But one day the artisan loses one of the diamonds. Maybe it gets lost because it rolls off the artisan's worktable while he steps out for a cup of coffee? Maybe it rolls away while the artisan is using it in his game of marbles? Either way, the artisan has been careless with the king's diamonds and the king is furious: "What were you thinking?! You wasted a priceless diamond intended for my crown!" And those diamonds, the Ohr HaChaim explains, are the days of our lives. Are we going to let those days roll away, or polish them and affix them to G-d's crown? Because the truth is that for every single one of us, the clock is ticking. And the only choice I have in the matter is whether I'm going to hear the clock ticking or not. Whether you and I and all of us are going to choose to stop pushing off what is important, and to take our lives into our hands today. To assist the widow and 7 orphans of Rabbi Meir Chai zt"l: Send checks to: Rav Meir Chai Fund P.O. Box 144 Emanuel Israel By credit card contact: 052-712-1643, or from outside of Israel call 9720-52-712-1643 I also wanted to share this beautiful letter that I received this week in response to last week's Mommy Peptalk about Rabbi Meir Chai zt"l Chana, I just watched your video for this week. It was a sincere and heart warming dedication to Rav Meir Chai Ztz"L". He was the teacher at Noam Hadera where my children are now learning. Although they have been there only since the beginning of this year, Rav Meir was their favorite teacher. My 9 yr old daughter Yona would come home describing Rav Meir's classes and his wonderful storytelling. How he got up on a chair with a broom to emphasize what he was teaching while all the little girls giggled. He was also a great organizer of school events and was planning my other daughter's class bat mitzvah program. My children had a difficult Friday and Shabbat struggling to understand why such a tzaddik was killed. But at the same time, as part of the natural healing process, they told me about all their memories of him. He never, ever raised his voice with the children and taught them to love Torah and also to laugh with him. Another mother told me a class was asked who they would like as their Torah teacher and the girls all called out in unison "Rav Meir Chai." Then the girls all started chanting very loudly and repeating, "We want Rav Meir Chai, we want Rav Meir Chai" while standing on their chairs. This is how much he was loved by his students. As we are new to the school I had not yet met all the teachers. However, last Sunday before the tragedy, I went to pick up my daughter from her class and Rav Meir was discussing bat mitzvah matters with the 6th grade teacher. As I stood patiently for them to conclude their discussion I remember thinking to myself that it was remarkable that this man with the long dark beard seemed so gentle. At the end of their conversation, he asked the teacher whose parent I was and I was introduced. In that 1 minute encounter, I sensed how special this man was. Only after did I realize that this was the beloved Rav Meir Chai. The staff, students and parents of the school are having a very difficult time after being honoured with Rav Meir's presence for the 9 years he was with the school. I am going to pass on your dedication to my friends and my children as you really summarized who he was beautifully.....thank you. Angela Turner

Watch for a Good, Cleansing JewishMOM Weep

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 11:17:59 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to receive our Free Weekly Newsletter This video made me cry and cry and yearn for many, many more years of peanut butter sandwich preparing and messy diaper changing and bruised knee kissing at the bottom of the slide. Some parts of this video are specific to the non-Jewish American teenage experience, but wow, those universal parts sure do go for the JewishMOM jugular! (Thanks so much to Rachel Ruth of Jerusalem for telling me about this video. If you would like to recommend a video for this blog, please send me the link at jenny18@zahav.net.il) [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=olSyCLJU3O0]

Mommy Peptalk: For Women who Hate Housework

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 08:13:58 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to receive our Free Weekly Newsletter [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9C_edDQbpRo]

A Very Special Boy and his Very Incredible Dad

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 08:27:37 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to receive our Free Weekly Newsletter As much as we love to laugh, we moms love a good, tugged on the heartstrings JewishMOM cry. This is an incredibly moving and uplifting video, about a very special disabled young man and his incredible dad. Watch it to the end, I guarantee it will make your day. [Thanks to Moji of Hertzliya for sending me this video. Do you have a video you want to share with Jewish moms? Please send it to me at jenny18@zahav.net.il] [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=9xwCG0Ey2Mg]

The Jewish Mother's Power Tool

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 08:50:23 +0000
(reprinted from Binah Magazine) The Jewish Mother's Power Tool by Chana Jenny Weisberg When we moved into our new home five years ago, we received a unique mirror as a gift from an old and wise friend. What is special about this mirror is that there is a Birkat Habayit, a Blessing for the Home, printed upon it. Every time I read: "May this home be a dwelling-place of peace and happiness..." I can see my own face intermingled among the words of the blessing. One day when I looked into this mirror, it occurred to me that this Birkat Habayit is the perfect illustration of my critical role as my family's Akeret Habayit, the foundation of the home. When my mirror reflects a happy and shining face, then all the promises of this blessing will be fulfilled. And on those days when this mirror reflects an angry or frustrated face, then this blessing will light up my home just as effectively as a flashlight powered by a dead battery. This mirror reminds me of the truth of the old saying, "If mom ain't happy, nobody's happy. I think of this mirror often, but especially on those frequent occasions when I find myself knee-deep in housework. I have a few friends who are natural-born balabustas. I have one friend in particular named Chana, whose eyes gleam when she is sorting through bags of winter clothing, or preparing homemade rolls late at night for her children's lunches, or creating a new recipe for chicken involving an array of dried fruits and lots of garlic. I admire Chana and her carefree enthusiasm for all things domestic. I wish that we had more in common than our first names. My relationship with cooking and cleaning and the other "house" aspects of my housewifely life has been an evolving one. My attitude to housework started out, as my Israeli friends would say, "On its face." For my first few years of marriage, cleaning the kitchen on motzaei Shabbos, for example, was a job that I detested with such passion that it could bring me to tears. Over the years, I have thankfully discovered some helpful tools that provide the spoonful of sugar to make the housework go down. I have learned, for example, to trick my yetzer hara by ensuring it that I will only clean for 10 minutes. This silences its kicking and screaming long enough for me to put down my book and put on an apron. I have also learned that there are few things more enjoyable than sorting a week's worth of laundry while listening to an inspiring Torah class on my MP3 player. But I have discovered one tool that works better than any other, that sprinkles sugar over even the least appetizing of domestic tasks. That tool is available 24/7 to every human being, and can be accessed by even the most low-tech among us. That tool is old-fashioned hakarat hatov, homegrown gratitude. This past Shabbos, I had an opportunity to use the lone power tool in my housewifely toolbox. I had stayed up very late on Friday night with guests, and when I came bleary-eyed into my living room on Shabbat morning, I discovered my children rolling with laughter as they played a game I couldn't identify, but which involved a laundry basket full of stuffed animals and an entire bag of salt. By the time I found them, the laundry basket was still full, but the bag of salt was nearly empty. I didn't know where all the salt had gone until I looked down at the formerly burgundy living room carpet and saw that it was as white as snow. My blood pressure started to rise. My husband was probably already on his way home from shul, and the table was still not set. The carpet would just have to wait. I finished clearing the table from the night before, set out a new tablecloth, laid out the place settings, put a pitcher of apple juice on the table, and arranged the salads. As if from far away, I heard my two-year-old saying the words, "Apple Juice! Apple Juice!" But I had no time. My husband would be walking in the door any moment. My two-year-old would just have to wait. I turned around to get the challah board from the cabinet when I felt something on my foot. I looked down and saw that my foot was soaking wet. Then I looked at the table and saw that it was soaking wet as well. And then I looked at my two-year-old standing on her chair, and saw an empty pitcher in her hand. I had kept her waiting for too long, so she had decided to pour the long-awaited cup of apple juice all by herself. If I had looked into my Birkat Habayit mirror at that moment, it would have shattered into a thousand pieces. A primal scream of pure, unadulterated frustration formed in my throat and sat there unscreamed, like spiritual acid. The Weisberg homeland security commission was on red alert. My two-year-old took one look at my face and began to cry. If I didn't do something fast, the whole Weisberg family would soon be in tears. I knew that gratitude was the only tool in my motherly toolbox powerful enough to rescue my family from this state of emergency. But what did I have to be grateful for on this completely entirely awful Shabbos morning? What did I possibly have to be thankful for? I began clearing all of the place settings off the table, and after some good, hard thought, I came up with one lone thing for which I was grateful. I remembered the story my husband had told us the night before about a destitute family in the Shtetl that did not even have anything to eat for Shabbat. I whispered, "Thank You, G-d, that I have food to put on the table this morning." But what else? What else could I possibly thank G-d for on this impossible morning? As I cleared the salads and empty juice pitcher from the table, I glanced at my children playing on the salt-filled carpet. I remembered the friend I have been davening for who has been childless for eleven years. "Thank You, G-d, for my children. What a tremendous blessing You have given me. How can I possibly thank You enough for them?" I felt the unscreamed scream in my throat downgrade from a scream to a loud shout. As I peeled the wet tablecloth off the table and spread out a new dry one, I remembered the neighbors who were forced to move in with friends along with their four young children because they could not pay their rent. I thought of the unmarked envelope I left with their hosts before Shabbat, and whispered, "Thank You, G-d, for my home. A home in Jerusalem, no less. That is a huge blessing. A luxury, even." The unscreamed scream of frustration shrunk to a quiet whimper of protest. I placed the salads back on the table, and rearranged the table settings. I looked around the room, at my children in their Shabbat best, at the wall lined with holy books, at the incandescent glow that fills our home every week from Friday sunset to Saturday night. I remembered 20 years of Saturdays consisting of morning cartoons, and corned beef sandwiches, and family trips to the mall. I said, "Thank You, Hashem, for giving me Shabbat kodesh. How can I possibly thank You enough for this incomparable gift of celebration and holiness week after week?" At that moment, my husband walked in the door. "Shabbat Shalom!" he greeted me. "Shabbat Shalom!" I answered. And I meant it. When I rushed into the kitchen one last time to retrieve the forgotten kiddush cup, I caught my reflection in our special mirror. When I saw my shining face among its blessings, I knew that the blessing's final words had been brought to life that morning: "May happiness and joy be joined with blessing and peace in the light of Your Holy Presence.

The Bad Advice

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 20:14:57 +0000
7 years ago, I was a mess. I had three children under the age of 4, and felt depressed, anxious, and completely overwhelmed. Around that time, I started seeing a naturopath who helped me a great deal. By then, she was already in her 70s, a former schoolteacher from England who was married to a prominent rabbi, and had turned her hobby of naturopathy into her profession 2 decades before when she moved to Israel. I liked her clipped, authoritative British accent, and the reading glasses that she wore on a chain around her neck, just like my mom. Whenever we met, I told her about my life and my problems, and she displayed a great deal of wisdom and insight into my situation. She also gave me some natural herbs that had a nearly miraculous effect on me. Thanks to this naturopath, I suddenly felt in control and happy for the first time in a long time. Whenever I was having a tough time, I would give her a call, and just speaking with her or taking the herbal concoctions she prescribed made me feel better. I felt tremendous gratitude to her, and I still do. But after two years, about five years ago, I had a conversation with her that changed things. I had miscarried several months before, and I told the naturopath that I was hoping to get pregnant again. She moved her reading glasses to the end of her nose, and shot me a sharp look, "Look, Chana, the reality is that some people weren't meant to have a large family. Now you are struggling, and believe me, it's only going to get harder and harder as your family grows. If you have any more children, a few years from now you will be absolutely drowning." When I told her how much I loved my children, and how I didn't want to miss the opportunity to meet any of my potential offspring, she nodded knowingly. "I also have three children, and I also wasn't able to have any more for similar reasons. I struggled with this a great deal until my children were married. But I realized later on that it was for the best." This woman whom I respected so much said I shouldn’t have any more children, and I came home crushed, not just because of her advice that would mean never realizing my dream of having more children, but because, in that single encounter, this naturopath/rebbetzin had managed to blow away every gram of confidence and self-esteem that I had managed to scrape together throughout those challenging years. The awful truth is that I was convinced that this woman knew me even better than I knew myself. A few months later, I spoke with a psychologist friend who was furious about what the naturopath had told me. So unprofessional, so inappropriate, so lacking appreciation for my ultimate spiritual goals as a mother and my deep need to nurture another child. That, together with becoming pregnant again, pushed me to break away from that naturopath. Looking back with my 20/20 hindsight, it is clear that this naturopath (who sadly passed away last year) had it all wrong. Today, five years after our final meeting, my life as a mother of five is infinitely easier than it was as a mother of three. Because my family has changed, and my situation and level of support has changed, and because I have changed too. Today, I can also understand the naturopath's well-intentioned but fatal mistake. She saw me as an overwhelmed, unskilled, insecure mother of three, and she envisioned me as an overwhelmed, unskilled, insecure mother of four and more children, and she rightfully predicted disaster. What she didn't take into account was that before the world was created, G-d created teshuva, the potential for self change and personal growth. The potential to become better and stronger and blessedly different than before. A few weeks back, my teacher Rabbanit Yemima was giving us tips on choosing a rabbi. Steer clear of pessimists and naysayers, she warned us. Instead, she explained, choose the kind of rabbi who always provides you a window of hope. Who at the darkest times in your life and marriage and mothering career can say, "Things are tough, and you will have to change and work on this and this and this, but if you are able to take those difficult steps, then things could be just fine." And the same rule applies to any psychologist, or counselor, or mentor from whom you choose to receive guidance. Because any mentor who has no hope, no awareness of the potential for change, is in need of a bit of guidance him or herself. I was so happy to see this peptalk from the movie The Pursuit of Happyness with Will Smith. This would have been the perfect response to that naturopath! Click here to watch...

The Pursuit of Happyness

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 20:31:13 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to receive our Free Weekly Newsletter Jewish mom! Don't let the doomsayers get you down! And now this week's Mommy Peptalk from Will Smith... [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQlzz6jGCfI]

Mommy Peptalk: The Haiti Disaster and the Jewish Mom

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 20:46:35 +0000
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHhgIMcwmHQ]

Birth at Israel Army Hospital in Haiti- Amazing!

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 21:18:17 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to receive our Free Weekly Newsletter Did you know that Israel was the FIRST country in the world to set up a field hospital in Haiti to treat the injured following the earthquake? G-d bless Israel and the Israeli Army! Please forward this link, let's tell the world the truth about Israel and the IDF! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jHcwlKqYLo]

CNN Raves about AMAZING Israelis in Haiti!

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 19:56:52 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to receive our Free Weekly Newsletter CNN is usually a source of tsures for us Jews...but this week they are the source of some well-deserved yiddishe nachas. Don't miss this amazing 2 minute CNN story on the unparalleled Israeli hospital in Haiti... (Thanks to Moji of Hertsliya for sending me this link. If you have a video you'd like to share with Jewish moms everywhere, please send it to me at jenny18@zahav.net.il) [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=suo6UzRb850]

The Invisible Woman

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 20:23:59 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to receive our Free Weekly Newsletter This woman isn't Jewish, but I personally nominate her for honorary JewishMOM status. This funny/moving/inspirational video is the mommy peptalk of the year and required viewing for every Jewish mom... [Thanks to my buddy Gittl of Nachlaot for sending me this video. Have a video you've just got to share with Jewish moms around the world? Please send it to me at jenny18@zahav.net.il] [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YU0aNAHXP0]

Bat Mitzvah Memories

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 21:14:59 +0000
My Israeli tutor liked listening to the Grateful Dead while we studied on the huge Indian pillows, since it put her in a "mood for prayer, you know?" As she smoked and drank cup after cup of Turkish coffee (no sugar please) I read the Shma and Ashrei over and over, week after week after week. And then there were more private lessons with Bonnie, the cantor's wife. I still remember the way she inserted two fingers between her violet-lipsticked lips, one piled on top of the other, to show me just how wide my mouth must be so that my voice would project to the very last row of the shul. And then there was the meeting with our synagogue's rabbi. How intimidating- meeting with a real-life rabbi, face to face like that. But in his living room, he seemed just like a regular person. Friendly, jolly even. And then my mother took me to the fancy store on Falls Rd. with the wreath on the door. So different from Sears, where we went each year at the end of August to buy corduroys and turtlenecks for the new school year. I didn't really like anything at the store, but my mother and I compromised on a yellow and lavender pastel plaid skirt. The truth was that I did like the feel of the satin lining against my legs, even if it did dig into my waist so it was hard to breathe. My friend Lisa had told me something so wonderful a few months before. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. At her bat mitzvah that past summer, right when she was standing in front of our synagogue next to the rabbi, she had looked up at the windows by the ceiling, and at that exact moment a ray of sunshine had broken through the clouds and lit up her face. She knew, she told me with wide eyes, that G-d Himself was shining upon her at that moment because that morning was her bat mitzvah. After a year of Hebrew lessons and meetings with the caterer and the lady with the plush white carpeting to choose out invitations, my grandmother and cousins and aunts and uncles and a whole motorcade of long-lost relatives descended down the East Coast to our Baltimore synagogue. I read from the Torah while my mother wept into her handkerchief in the third row. I gave a speech about how my haftorah had taught me that I should be nicer to Republicans. The rabbi liked it so much that he gave me a big bear hug. And then I got to sit on the giant velvet armchair next to the cantor and shul president by the Torah ark. My docksiders were a whole foot off the ground. Afterwards, my grandmother pulled me close in a tight Chanel-scented hug and left lipstick and a few unwiped tears on my cheek. My parents shook hands with guests and received many shoulder slaps and mazal tovs. Then we drove home where my friends and I played Trivial Pursuit in my room, and my friend Christina gave me the nicest present of all- a twisted beaded necklace and a cable-knit sweater like all the cool girls in our class were wearing. I liked it even better than the Prince album Nina gave me. When it was all over, and everyone left for home, I felt relieved to have all the lessons and speech writing and mandatory Saturday mornings in shul behind me. But I also felt a bit…what was the word? All of this work and preparation for 20 minutes of Bat Mitzvah? Or maybe seven hours if you included all the festivities? I felt sort of…well, you know, let down? And then I realized something. With all of the activity and pressure and eyes upon me, I had totally forgotten to look up at the window by the ceiling to see if a ray of sunshine had broken through the clouds. For my whole life, I realized, I would never ever know if G-d had blessed me or not. ------------------------------------------------------------------- This week was an exciting and emotional one for me and my family. My oldest daughter Hadas became a bat mitzvah this past Shabbat and on Monday evening we celebrated this event with our family and friends and community. Hadas is living a very different life than I did at her age. I attended a Christian prep school; Hadas attends a Jewish day school. I grew up with little Jewish observance; Hadas is growing up as an Orthodox Jew. This means that while my bat mitzvah felt like the end of the road, Hadas’ bat mitzvah feels like a first step, a joyful reaffirmation of her commitment to the rich religious life she imbibed with her mother’s milk and in the air of her childhood home. But my bat mitzvah and my daughter’s did also have much in common. The intense preparations, the months of study, the excitement and bellies full of butterflies for mother and daughter alike. And most importantly, like my own mom at my own bat mitzvah 25 years ago, at Hadas’ bat mitzvah my also eyes ran over with tears on account of gratitude so intense that it just had to get out of me somehow. It was the tears of uncomprehending thankfulness of a person who receives an undeserved gift, a 100 million dollar check left anonymously in her mailbox. And as I watched my gold-hearted grown-up girl, I finally felt that intense ray of sunshine from above, the warmth of G-d’s undeniable blessing.

How I Really Feel about Birth Control

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 10:39:25 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to receive our Free Weekly Newsletter Last week I received a really disturbing email. A woman who was the victim of childhood abuse at the hands of an overwhelmed mother of many, many children wrote, "I WISH and WISHED as I was growing up, that someone would have told my mother to stop having more. She simply couldn't handle it." I've been thinking about that letter the whole week, and it got me thinking about birth control, and how I truly feel about it. On the one hand, I realized, I firmly believe that more Jewish moms should be taking birth control. On the other hand, I firmly believe that fewer Jewish moms should be taking birth control. What?! Let me explain. This past month my teacher Rabbanit Yemima Mizrachi taught us that if a mom feels that getting pregnant at this point in her life would be a curse rather than a blessing, then she should go to a rabbi and go on birth control. G-d, she explained, doesn't need any more martyr moms or long-suffering moms or G-d forbid, spinning out of control and abusive Jewish moms in the world. He's got enough on His hands as it is already. But a few months back, Rabbanit Yemima said something very different. She was responding to a feminist Orthodox conference in which birth control use and smaller families were presented as an ideal. Rabbanit Yemima was livid. Speaking with emotion, she said: "I'm thinking about all the women who returned home from this conference and then looked at the 2.8 mistakes that they had brought into the world, and thought, "Oh no! And just think I could have saved myself all of this mess!…I'm not asking for the Rebbetzins who spoke at this conference to encourage women to have more children, but I am asking for some more encouragement of mothers who have children. That is the main thing women need in this generation." And I think that these two very different statements sum up my opinion on the matter perfectly (isn't Rabbanit Yemima the absolute greatest?). G-d wants us to be thriving, happy, pumped moms. If you are already holding onto the edge of the cliff by your fingernails emotionally or physically (and I think that it is natural and normal that most moms hit that point at one time or another) then find yourself a heter and don't have another child right now. On the other hand, I believe just as strongly that if no overwhelmed mothers got pregnant, then no Jewish moms would be having more than 2.2 children. All of us know amazing moms of large families, and the way they became the incredible, role-model moms they are was by pushing themselves beyond their comfort zones. Those incredible moms were once also overwhelmed (just like you), and they felt like they weren't so great at this whole mothering thing (just like you), because that is how mothers of young children almost invariably feel. But they had another child anyway because they believed in the value of bringing more Jewish children into the world, and the long-term benefits and the achievement of personal and mothering potential that can come with creating a larger-than-average family. In summary, I don't know if overall Orthodox moms need to be taking more birth control or less birth control, but we DEFINITELY need more self awareness to understand whether having another child right now would be the great leap of faith that every mom takes when she brings a new baby into the world, or the leap of the lemming…

What G-d Wants to Tell You

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 07:58:11 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to receive our Free Weekly Newsletter When I heard this unforgettable song today for the first time in almost two decades, I think I finally understood what this song is all about. This song is G-d speaking to every single Jewish mom. To you in Melbourne and to you in Teaneck and to you in London and to me and all the Jewish moms here in the Holy Land. Jewish mom, this is why G-d loves you. Get your tissues ready. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbZDjnWtK1A]

Mommy Peptalk: Where's My Pat on the Back?

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 11:41:26 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to receive our Free Weekly Newsletter How we moms can stay happy and motivated despite a dire lack of external recognition. (If you like this peptalk, you will love The Invisible Woman) [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=or1hX3TrvDc]

The Japanese Water Crystal Mystery

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 21:17:44 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to receive our Free Weekly Newsletter This video is pretty wild stuff. A Japanese scientist named Masaru Emoto froze water after saying beautiful words like "gratitude" and "love" and the resulting ice crystals are beautiful. Then he froze water after saying ugly phrases like "You make me sick, I'll kill you" and "Hitler" and the ice crystals turned out all messed up and ugly. Emoto and his revolutionary findings are controversial. Some people find this water crystal research life-altering, and some people think it is a Mt. Fuji high load of wasabi. But the truth is it really doesn't matter if the findings are true or not, since we Jews already now that its implications are 100% right on. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but oh boy can words eternally hurt me...or heal me. G-d's house was destroyed because we misused words, and the entire world itself was created with them. Seeing these crystals reminded me of this, and of the tremendous responsibility I have as a mom to chose that my mouth will be a tool of blessing rather than a weapon. Even when I'm tired and/or hungry. Even when I'm grouchy and that kid has been pushing all my buttons. Even when I'm stressed out and nothing whatsoever is going my way. My goal: To feel the sting of regret BEFORE I lose control of my tongue, rather than when it's already too late. Check out this cool video about Emoto's crystal experiment (the best part is the photos of the water crystals about a minute and a half after it starts) [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ss69kfHqN1A]

The Rebbe on the Mighty Jewish Woman

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 10:08:33 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to receive our Free Weekly Newsletter In honor of the yahrtzeit this week of Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka, the wife of the Lubavitcher Rebbe, here is a very inspiring video of the Rebbe speaking about the unique contribution of Jewish women and mothers. Enjoy! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9yWJW5GnRY]

Jewish Women in the Year 2100

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 09:33:17 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to receive our Free Weekly Newsletter I don't know who wrote this, but it was so beautiful that it brought tears to my eyes. I knew I had to share. (Thanks to Leah of Jerusalem for sending it my way) Back in the mid nineties a Jewish advertising executive in New York came up with an idea. What if the New York Times - considered the world's most prestigious newspaper - listed the weekly Shabbat candle lighting time each week? Sure, someone would have to pay for the space. But imagine the Jewish awareness and pride that might result from such a prominent mention of the Jewish Shabbat each week. The advertising executive got in touch with a Jewish philanthropist and sold him on the idea. It cost almost two thousand dollars a week. But he did it. And for the next five years, each Friday, Jews around the world would see 'Jewish Women: Shabbat candle lighting time this Friday is ...'. Eventually the philanthropist had to cut back on a number of his projects. And in June 1999, the little Shabbat notice stopped appearing in the Friday Times. and from that week on it never appeared again. Except once. On January 1, 2000, the NY Times ran a Millennium edition. It was a special issue that featured three front pages. One had the news from January 1, 1900. The second was the actual news of the day, January 1, 2000. And then they had a third front page, projecting future events of January 1, 2100. This fictional page included things like a welcome to the fifty-first state: Cuba, as well as a discussion as to whether robots should be allowed to vote. And so on. And in addition to the fascinating articles, there was one more thing. Down on the bottom of the Year 2100 front page was the candle lighting time in New York for January 1, 2100. Nobody paid for it. It was just put in by the Times. When the production manager of the New York Times - an Irish Catholic - was asked about it, his answer was right on the mark. And it speaks to the eternity of our people. And to the power of the Jewish tradition and its women. The production manager explained: "We don't know what will happen in the year 2100. It is impossible to predict the future. But of one thing you can be certain, that in the year 2100 Jewish women will be lighting Shabbos candles.

The JewishMOM.com Book of the Year!

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 09:54:06 +0000
Click to order: http://www.artscroll.com/Books/mtmh.html I am so excited to be posting the first of a 8-week series of excerpts from the JewishMOM.com book of the year Mothers to Mothers: Women Across the Globe Share the Joys and Challenges of Jewish Motherhood by Julie Hauser (Artscroll). I LOVE THIS BOOK, a collection of honest and colorful interviews with 30 Orthodox mothers sprinkled with insightful and inspiring mothering advice from respected educators and rebbetzins (if you've read my books, this will sound familiar. What a treat, an unprecedented freebie to read a book I love as much as one of my own, without having to write it myself!) 2 Excerpts from Mothers to Mothers Gitty: A writer and birthing assistant. Originally from Denver, living in Israel. The yetzer hara [evil inclination] loves to get moms depressed about their bad behavior and make us feel like we can’t or never will be able to improve. But this is a patent sheker [falsehood]. If we want to change, we can and we will. I have changed so much over the years; it’s an exhilarating experience to be liberated from one’s bad behavior. Motherhood is an attitude. If you knew without a doubt that this was your last day on earth, how would you interact with your children? What would you say, how would you act? How do you want them to remember you? What important messages do you want them to internalize that are uniquely yours to transmit? It’s important to know your answers to these questions and to live them every day!... I am amazed to hear how I speak to my children now, compared to how I used to speak to them. How I handle situations now, compared to before. I am not perfect, but I am quicker to forgive myself, and quicker to change modes from a negative to a positive. Sometimes the kids don’t even realize what happened. Wasn’t Ima just uptight? How come she’s smiling now? Because I caught myself on the wrong track and changed lanes in “mid-yell.” I think motherhood is one of the most demanding challenges ever placed before a person. It has challenged my middos [character] in every way. I know that every day I will face new growth and that is quite exciting, though also daunting. That is why I take one day at a time — actually, one moment at a time. It is more manageable for me, and more exciting. You get to appreciate the miracles more when you move more slowly through life. A Rebbetzin Speaks about Feeling That You’ve “Blown It” Now, what do you do if you look at the clock and it’s only 10 o’clock in the morning and your throat’s already sore from screaming so much, and your day has hardly started? What you do at that point, is, you say, “Thank G-d, I noticed it now, and from here on in, I’m going to change my tone.” I discovered a very interesting truth about life. Just because you start a sentence at the top of your lungs does not mean you have to finish it at the top of your lungs! Sometimes we feel, “Well, I’m already in this mode, I’m already communicating like this, I sort of owe it to my ego to continue!” You don’t have to! Stop mid-sentence! And what if it’s 3 or 4 or 5 or 6 o’clock in the afternoon, and you feel like you blew the whole day? There’s no such thing as having blown anything! There is no such thing, there is no such concept as having blown something. You did not blow anything. As long as you are still alive, you can rectify the day. Say, “Hakadosh Baruch Hu, dear G-d, I lost myself, I’m really sorry, I have 20 minutes left of my day; please let me live the last few minutes of this day the way I would have liked to.” Don’t let the yetzer hara [evil inclination] convince you ever, at any point, that you blew anything. There is no such concept, but the yetzer hara loves that concept. Because it’s so wonderfully depressing, it’s so magnificently and totally strong in its ability to completely cripple us in our ability to move ahead. Don’t let him work that line on you. You didn’t blow anything! You made a mistake. So the day was very stressful. You’re a person, and you made a mistake. You’ll do better from here on in. Transcribed from an audiotape on preparing for Rosh Hashanah, JEP of Rockland Lecture Series; published with permission from the speaker (who prefers not to be named). Reproduced with permission from Mothers to Mothers, by Julie Hauser; copyright ArtScroll/Mesorah Publications.

mothers to mothers

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 10:01:18 +0000

Mommy Peptalk: Surviving the Mommy Minefield

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 10:24:48 +0000
A simple tool to help every mom smile through the most difficult of days. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abgFxiiL2sg]

One Woman's Low Thyroid Nightmare

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 20:06:46 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to receive our Free Weekly Newsletter It used to be a few years back that I personally knew almost every member of my mailing list. The members of this list were my neighbors or fellow moms from my daughter's nursery school or someone who had attended a small class I'd given. But while I have been so thrilled to see my mailing list grow exponentially over the years, the downside of that growth is that that same list has expanded into nothing more than a random collection of hundreds of emails and click statistics. That’s why one of my absolute favorite things in the whole world is getting letters from YOU, the moms who visit this blog and my website, so that I can connect with new people outside of my own little boring 4-square blocks in central Jerusalem life. And last week I got an extra special treat! Even better than an email, a mom living in a small Jewish community in the US asked if she could actually speak with me on the phone. WOW! I'm not sure that has ever happened before in all of the history of JewishMOM.com. The woman who called me is a teacher in a Jewish school and the mother of five children. She wanted to speak with me about my books, but we ended up mostly talking about the very difficult period she faced when she first became a mother 15 years ago. This mother grew up in an Orthodox home, so when she got married in her early twenties and soon after gave birth to two children over the course of a year and a half, it wasn't much of a surprise to her or to anyone else for that matter. What did surprise her was how she felt. She had so looked forward to becoming a mother, it was the fulfillment of a life-long expectation and dream. But now as the mother of two adorable, healthy babies, she felt like she had been run over by a steamroller. She was exhausted, and even worse, she was seriously depressed. She was miserable in her home, miserable with her children, miserable in her life. Thank G-d, today, this mom is in a very different place. She feels transformed, energetic, occasionally struggling but generally thriving. What saved her? She credits her salvation, her resurrection to three smart people and three smart pieces of advice: 1. A very insightful (not to mention world-renowned) rabbi in her community who advised her to take a long break (even years) before having her third child, until he felt she could feel genuinely excited about having another child. 2. Another very wise rabbi who told her that she should exercise 5 days a week. 3. A very smart doctor who diagnosed her with sluggish thyroid or hypothyroidism, and started her on a highly-effective hormonal treatment that she continues to this day. After that phone call, I knew that I had to tell all of you about this mom's story. And, in particular, I wanted to help raise awareness about the plague of low thyroid. Did you know that 59 million Americans (the vast majority of whom are women) suffer from hypothyroidism-- a leading cause of fatigue and depression? If you are feeling depressed or post-steamroller, I highly recommend that you speak with your doctor about hypothyroidism. Watch this informative interview with a doctor specializing in hypothyroidism in women to learn more about symptoms, diagnosis, and treatment. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQzLmsrt9Vg]

My Erev Shabbos Anthem

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 09:58:35 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to receive our Free Weekly Newsletter I wanted to share the song that every week has me flying and smiling and singing through the cooking and cleaning and mess and stress of Erev Shabbos. I think this song is truly the Holy of Holies. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qiIm1MaByGA]

The 4 Levels of Mothering Happiness

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 11:08:38 +0000
In honor of the month of Adar, how to access more joy in your mothering life. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbU7Z6aCsb4]

Waiting 22 Years for Baby Rivka

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 08:50:27 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to receive our Free Weekly Newsletter On the 10th of Shvat, this past January 24th, Ora Belaish gave birth to her first child after 22 years of marriage, two weeks short of her 43rd birthday. Here are some inspiring highlights from my interview with Ora last week about her unbelievable journey of profound faith and personal redemption: Can you tell me a bit about yourself? I was born in Ireland, and moved to Israel with my family when I was 9 years old. When I was serving in the Israeli army, I spent some time with a Lubavitch family and afterward I decided to study at Machon Alte, a Lubavitch women's seminary in Tsfat. I married my husband, Aaron, when I was 21 years old and he was 26. Every since then, we've been living in Tsfat where I work as a secretary at a school and teach brides the family purity laws. When did you realize there was a problem? Less then a year after our wedding, I started doing tests to find out why I wasn't getting pregnant. And soon after that I started doing treatments. Can you tell me about those 22 years of waiting? I had a lot of bad experiences over the years. I went through many hospitalizations and many operations. For 21 years, I lived on a non-stop roller coaster, between the hope and promise of every new treatment and the terrible disappointment of the negative result to the pregnancy test that always followed it. In the later years, my husband would tell me to simply not call the clinic to find out what the results were after I had done a treatment. Because he knew how disappointed I would be if I found out that once again I wasn't pregnant. But, at one point, you have to call to find out. But we received many blessings from the Lubavitcher Rebbe before Gimmel Tamuz, and afterwards through the Igrot Kodesh, that we should continue with the conventional treatments, and that we should always seek out the top doctors. And I knew that the Rebbe always said that we need to create a Kli B'Derech HaTeva, a natural vessel for the blessing for which we are praying. My mashpia (personal spiritual advisor) was also very encouraging. She would tell me: "You know what G-d wants from you. G-d wants you to continue making your best effort to have a child and to continue with these treatments, and that knowledge is a huge thing! Not so many people know exactly what G-d wants from them like you do." So I knew that this was my shlichut, my G-d-given mission in life, to continue with these treatments, whether or not I ever became pregnant from them or not. When I would be coping with yet another disappointment, I would ask my husband "OK, when is this finally going to happen? When am I finally going to have a baby?" And my husband would smile and say, "Very soon! Very soon it will happen. You'll see." After about 19 years of waiting, I finally gave up all hope. I decided that I simple wasn't worthy of the blessing that the Rebbe had given me to have a child. But I still continued with the treatments, because I knew that continuing the treatments was what G-d and the Rebbe wanted from me. How did you cope on an emotional level for those 21 years? In Chabad, there is strong idea of giving back to the world. If you know the letter aleph, then you should teach it to another Jew who doesn't know the letter aleph yet. So, throughout the years I always told my husband how thankful I was that we were always helping others. I teach brides the laws of family purity, and my husband teaches young people. That is our shlichut, our mission in life. We never felt that we were alone or that there was a lack in our lives, because we were always giving to others, so we weren't focused on our own difficulties. We were never alone on Shabbat, because we always had guests. Giving to others really fills up your life, because that is what life is about, to help others. Were there doctors who helped you along the way? My husband and I went to one doctor for 12 years with whom we developed a close relationship. But at one point the doctor told us, "I've done everything I can do." The Rebbe once taught that doctors have permission to heal people, but never to make them despair. So my husband said that if our doctor had given up hope, then it was time to go to a new doctor. We switched over to Dr. Yehoshua Dor, who is a wonderful person and an excellent doctor. It was at his clinic that I received the treatment that resulted in my pregnancy. Getting Pregnant at age 42 Right after I did that final fertility treatment, there was a farbrengen, a Chassidic gathering for women, in honor of the Rebbe's birthday on the 11th of Nissan. At the farbrengen, my friend turned to me and said, "Ora, you must believe you will become a mother! If you believe it, it will happen!" And I decided that she was right, that it was about time that I really started seriously believing that I would have a child. In accordance with the Rebbe's teachings, I accepted upon myself a hachlata tova, a resolution, that I would start studying the Shaar Habitachon of the book Chovot Halevavot, with the commentary "Lev Tov," and that in general I would work on strengthening my faith and belief. A month later, I found out I was pregnant with our daughter Rivka. What was it like to find out you were pregnant after all those years? First of all, when I got that positive result, I was skeptical because of all my previous experiences. But then I went to that first ultrasound, and when we saw that it was a healthy pregnancy, the ultrasound technician from Dr. Dor's clinic and I were so excited that we just hugged each other. At the school campus where I work, I was worried that my coworkers would pass out if I told them straight out that I was pregnant after all those years. So when I reached my fifth month, I bought a bottle of grape juice, and some cups and chocolates, and I came into the office and I closed the door behind me, which is very unusual. The secretaries and my boss looked up at me confused. And I told them, "I want to tell you all something. I've haven't been putting on weight recently because it hasn't been going well with my new diet. I'm putting on weight for other reasons." Everybody was in disbelief, we all began crying together. They brought me into the principal's office, and we all made a big lechaim together. Within hours, the whole staff in the whole school campus knew, and in all of Tsfat too. When I called to tell my mother, I asked her, "Eema, are you sitting down?" She was in Heaven when she found out, really. Everybody was so happy for me. Nobody could believe it. Giving Birth I gave birth on the 10th of Shevat, which was the day the Rebbe became the Rebbe, which I feel is a big merit. My husband is very connected with the Tanya, so we named our daughter after the Alter Rebbe's mother, whose name was Rivka. I feel like I switched professions after all these years, and I'm enjoying every single minute of it. I don't mind waking up in the middle of the night, and all that. Not at all. Being with Rivka is like watching a movie, I just look at her and it's constant entertainment. They say that the Redemption and Moshiach will arrive in the blink of an eye, and that the exile will feel like a dream. Sometimes it's hard for me to believe that it's here, and that this baby I prayed for and waited for so many years has finally arrived. To tell you the truth, I still feel as though everyone's talking about someone else having a baby after 22 years of marriage. I can't believe they're finally actually talking about me.

One Woman's Account: The Postpartum Monster

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 09:14:02 +0000
Click to order: http://www.artscroll.com/Books/mtmh.html Until Passover, every week this blog will be featuring an excerpt from the newly-released JewishMOM.com book of the year Mothers to Mothers: Women Across the Globe Share the Joys and Challenges of Jewish Motherhood by Julie Hauser. Here is this week's excerpt: Leeba is a speech therapist who has experienced postpartum depression twice. Originally from Baltimore, today she lives in Lakewood with her husband and children. This is her account of her second encounter with the postpartum monster. The postpartum depression happened again, two kids later. This time I recognized it right away, and I ended up taking medication. When I found out I was expecting again, I was so excited and felt totally ready to handle it, and I believed that the PPD thing was totally in the past. Especially because I thought I’d learned the tools, so if it happens, I’ll just talk to myself again! I’ll be over it! Six weeks after the baby was born, I began feeling it again. The thoughts take on a life of their own and you can’t differentiate between them and your imagination. After a few weeks of feeling this way, I tried using cognitive tools to overcome the thoughts, but it wasn’t enough. They didn’t go away. So I did self-talk, ate well, read Miriam Adahan books, went walking, but I still didn’t feel better. And then I called my cousin, who had some issues in high school and had taken medication. I had never talked to her about it. I said, “What do you think about taking medication for these feelings?” And she said, “Why, are you feeling this way?” And I said, “A little bit.” She said, “I’m telling you, if you’re feeling this way, don’t be a jerk! Take medicine! You’re going to feel fine tomorrow. Cognitive, self-help type stuff works when you want to work on your middos [character traits] and your issues are not biological or physiological, and you have strength to do it. This is different.” In my head I was thinking, “My cousin doesn’t know what she’s talking about ….” I’d always thought she was a nebach case, pitiful because she had to take medication. But over the next few days I kept trying the self-talk stuff in my head, and it was totally not working. I couldn’t function. The thought of carpool literally put me into a panic. I knew that wasn’t normal. I was immobilized, walking around in a daze. And I’d wake up at night with thoughts that made me so insecure even though they were crazy. They were irrational thoughts, like, “I’m going to go off the derech,” [leave being religious] or “I’m going to hurt my kid.” It was always the things I felt so close to — the stable, solid things in my life: my religion, my husband, and my family. My crazy thoughts would be about how all those things were going to be taken away from me. For me, it was much more the anxiety causing depression, not the depression causing anxiety. I remember thinking it’s such an olam hasheker [world of lies] because no one knows what’s going on. I would drop my kids off at day camp and think, “No one knows what I’m feeling like. They all think I’ve just happily had another baby. They don’t realize I’m totally crazy.” Of course, when I got there I was, like, hi, good morning, whatever. But it took all my will power. They think I’m the perfect mother having her fourth kid, and I have a nice husband and B”H don’t have to worry about money so much, and everything’s great for me, and my kids always look cute. On the outside I looked normal, but on the inside I was falling apart literally. In my head, I knew I needed medication. I said, “I think the biggest madreigah [spiritual achievement] for me before was to work on my middos [character traits] and everything, and it worked (the last time I had PPD). But I think the biggest, highest spiritual elevation for me now is to do the thing I’ve been most scared of my entire life: go to a doctor and get medicine.” I was so scared of it but I took the next step and went to my OB/GYN. Emotional pain is so hard, because your normal defense mechanisms for any type of pain or tzaar [suffering] in your life are your intellectual or spiritual capacities. But here, those were the things that were actually affected! Also, it’s so difficult because everything on the surface is fine. There’s no event and you can’t pinpoint a certain physical organ. You feel like you’re making it up. I felt like my spiritual side was damaged. I couldn’t even connect with Hashem. I felt like I couldn’t daven. I was like an emotional rock. And the worst thing is that you can never talk to anyone about it, because they’ll think you’re crazy, or they won’t understand. So I felt this intense responsibility to my family to get the medication. I told my OB/GYN. So I started the first medicine, and it totally did not work — in fact, it made me worse. (Later, I found out that is often what happens for the first few weeks before a medicine starts to work correctly in your bloodstream.) I went back to my rabbi. I was at the worst, worst. I was talking the real truth to the rabbi, unlike what I did the first time. I’m having these crazy thoughts, and I don’t know what to do. Why is Hashem doing this to me? This was totally l’sheim Shamayim [for a higher purpose]. And the Rabbi promised me this was a normal thing that happens to some people. He said I wasn’t the first person to be sitting in that seat saying these things and feeling these feelings. People just don’t talk about it, but people feel this way. That started to calm me down a little bit, but I said to him, “I don’t know how I’m ever going to get out of this. “ But he said some people have a hard time during the pregnancy, but for me I had a postpartum reaction, instead. He said, “It’s just like a nisayon [test] of pregnancy, and not more than that. It’s not in your essence. It has nothing to do with you. It’s going to go away.” I said, “Well, you have to understand, I have to take medicine. “ And he said, “Fine, if you want to take something, take something. It’s nothing major.” And I told him what I was taking, thinking he was going to think I was crazy, that it’s like this mind-numbing drug. But he said, “It’s like nothing. So many people take it, it’s like Tylenol.” He pointed out that I was getting so upset because I thought I’d reached the category of “crazy” to be taking medicine for it. He calmed me down a lot. He just kept saying I was going to get through it, to give myself time. He said, “If you knew it was going to pass, would you feel better?” So I went to another doctor, who told me to stay on what I started and wait till it kicked in. And she also gave me sleeping medicine, and that totally helped, because I hadn’t slept in like a month. She kept telling me I’m going to feel better. And that’s what happened. All of a sudden I woke up one day, and it worked. For six weeks it was like a horrible nightmare, and now I woke up. I think I did the biggest act of gevurah [heroism] by taking the medication. It was so hard for me because I was so scared. I completely believe in all the eating-healthy and self-talk stuff. But the medicine can help you get to that level to be able to do that stuff. I didn’t know how to reconcile the whole hishtadlus [personal effort] thing with the medicine. I realize now that Miriam Adahan’s approach really works — getting your emotional equilibrium. However, if for physical or mental reasons you need medicine to help you not be so out of whack so you can be at the level to work on all that stuff, then you take medication. I suffered so much longer the previous time I had PPD, because I was refusing to ever do anything about it. And this time, it was horrible, intense, and terrible, but it was a short time and it’s over now. I did something about it. I don’t feel bad about it. I feel like I did the smartest thing. But in the frum [Orthodox] world it can feel like you’re putting yourself in the camp of the crazies if you do such thing because there is such a huge stigma. I wish I could’ve had someone else tell me they went through this, and they were fine. I would at least have felt relieved. But of course, you can’t talk about these things, so you’re totally in it alone. Now I’m mature enough to realize that people suffer so much because they’re afraid of the stigma. My doctor told me a million times that it was totally hormonal and had to do with the changes in my body. But I had in my head that I had to end up in a psychiatrist’s office, talking about my feelings. Totally untrue. Reproduced with permission from Mothers to Mothers, by Julie Hauser; copyright ArtScroll/Mesorah Publications.

Holy Kugel

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 10:20:18 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to receive our Free Weekly Newsletter Whether it be potato or noodle or Jerusalem, my reaction to kugel has always been pretty ho-hum. It's OK, but who would really notice if it was missing one week? Not like the Shabbat hall of famers: chicken soup, cholent, pot roast with potatoes. But, OH BOY, was I wrong. A few weeks ago, our dear friend Yosef Eltman gave us an article entitled "Holy Kugel" that quotes the greatest Chassidic rebbes on the supreme mystical heights that we can access only through the consumption of this most common, most forgettable of Shabbat dishes. Believe me, after reading this, that lokshen kugel will never, ever taste ho-hum again. Here are some highlights from the article: "The holy ones, the tsaddikim, proclaim that there are profound matters embedded in the kugel. For this reason they insisted that every Jew is required to eat the Shabbat kugel. Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Rimanov recalled that once, when he went out for a walk with the holy Rabbi of Ropshitz, all that they talked about for three hours were the secrets that lie hidden inside the Shabbat kugel." Oytser Hashabbos "I will now reveal to you the secret of the Shabbat foods, for in my humble opinion each of the Shabbat foods hints at the ten holy Sefirot (Divine Attributes). My source for this is the holy wonder of our generation, Rabbi Israel of Rizhin, who taught that eating kugel symbolizes the sefira of Yesod, the Divine Attribute of Foundation." Rabbi Shalom of Koidonov "Rabbi Meir of Premyshlan declared: 'lokshen kugel was ordained at Mount Sinai." Sefer Pardes Hamelech (This is a minority opinion; most Chassidic rebbes quoted in the article believed that potato kugel is the only REAL kugel) "Shabbat without kugel is like a bird with no wings." Popular Yiddish saying. "…the crown of all Shabbat foods, the kugel…" Yiddishe Maykholim "You see, the kugel is the most important Shabbat dish, and it is symbolic of the spiritual influence of the Shabbat, something that comes directly from the hand of the Holy One, Blessed be He." The Apter Rebbe So, Jewish mom, climb up on that chair, get down that food processor, grate a few potatoes, and enjoy that holy kugel! Yum! Based on the article: Allan Nadler, "Holy Kugel: The Sanctification of Ashkenazic Ethnic Foods in Hasidism," Studies in Jewish Civilization 15 (2005): 193-214. Photo courtesy of Flickr.com, by user CJBakker

Moshiach's Hat

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 10:44:18 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to receive our Free Weekly Newsletter If you know some Hebrew, this anonymous poem I just discovered is a must-read. So sad. So true. MOSHIACH'S HAT (A Poem To Ponder) By Anonymous ben Kolonymous (who else?) 'T was the night of the Geulah, -- And in every single Shtiebel Sounds of Torah could be heard -- Coming from every kind of Yeedel. This one in English, -- Some in Hebrew, some in Yiddish. Some saying P'shat -- And some saying a Chiddish. And up in Shamayim--The Aibishter decreed: "The time has come -- For My children to be freed. "Rouse the Moshiach -- From his heavenly berth. Have him get in his chariot, -- And head down to earth. "The Moshiach got dressed -- And with a heart full of glee, Went down to earth and entered -- the first Shtiebel he did see. "I am the Moshiach! -- Hashem has heard your plea! Your Geulah has come! -- It's time to go free! "They all stopped their learning; -- This was quite a surprise. And they look at him carefully, -- With piercing sharp eyes "He's not the Moshiach!" -- Said one with a grin, "Just look at his hat, -- At the pinches and brim!" "That's right!" cried another -- With a grimace and frown, "Whoever heard of Moshiach, -- With a brim that's turned down?" "Well," thought Moshiach, -- "If this is the rule, I'll turn my brim up -- Before I go to the next shul." So he walked right on over -- To the next shul in town. Sure to be accepted, -- Since his brim was no longer down. "I'm, the Moshiach!" he cried, -- As he began to enter But the Jews wanted to know first -- If he was Left Right or Center "Your clothes are so black!" -- They cried out in fright. "You can't be Moshiach--You're much too far right!" "If you want to be Moshiach, -- You must be properly outfitted. "So they replaced his black hat -- With a Kippah that was knitted. Wearing his new Kippah, -- Moshiach went out and said: "No difference to me -- What I wear on my head. "So he went to the next shul, -- For his mission was dear. But he was getting frustrated -- With the Yidden down hear. "I'm the Moshiach!" he cried, -- And they all stopped to stare, And a complete eerie stillness -- Filled up the air. "You're the Moshiach?! -- Just imagine that! Whoever heard of Moshiach -- Without a black hat?" "But I do have a hat!" -- The Moshiach then said. So he pulled it right out -- And plunked it down on his head. Then the shul started laughing, -- And one said " Where's your kop? You can't have Moshiach -- With a brim that's turned up! If you want to be Moshiach -- And be accepted in this town, "Put some pinches in your hat -- And turn that brim down!" Moshiach walked out and said: -- "I guess my time hasn't come. I'll just return -- To where I came from. "So he went to his chariot, -- But as he began to enter, All sorts of Jews appeared -- From the Left, Right, and Center. "Please wait - do not leave. -- It's all their fault!" they said, And they pointed to each other -- And to what was on each other's head. Moshiach just looked sad -- And said, " You don't understand." And then started up his chariot -- To get out of this land. "Yes, it's very wonderful -- That you all learn Torah, But you seem to have forgotten -- A crucial part of our Mesorah. "What does he mean?" -- "What's he talking about?" And they all looked bewildered, -- And they all began to shout. Moshiach looked back and answered, -- "The first place to start, Is to shut up your mouths -- And open your hearts. "To each of you, certain Yidden -- Seem too Frum or too Frei, But all Yidden are beloved -- in the Aibishter's eye." And on his way up he shouted: -- " If you want me to come, Try working a little harder -- On some Ahavat Chinam!"

kugel flickr

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 11:07:40 +0000

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JewishMOM.com — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 07:59:39 +0000

New York Times Tribute to Chassidic Matriarch

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 08:00:51 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to receive our Free Weekly Newsletter When we spin our groggers this Purim to blot out the name of Haman, every Jewish mom should remember the Chassidic matriarch Yitta Schwartz who dedicated her life to blotting out the name of Haman's great-great-great grandson, Adolf Hitler, by becoming the most prolific Holocaust survivor in history with over 2000 direct descendants. JewishMOM.com AND the New York Times salute Mrs. Yitta Schwartz! Read more below... [caption id="attachment_690" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="A Satmar Mother and Children in Williamsburg, Brooklyn "][/caption] Based on the article "God Said Multiply, and Did She Ever" by Joseph Berger, New York Times, February 18, 2010 Hitler didn’t realize that his ultimate downfall would not come at the hands of the mighty leaders Churchill or Stalin or Roosevelt, but rather at the hands of one young Chassidic Bergen Belsen prisoner named Mrs. Yitta Schwartz. By the time Yitta Schwartz passed away last month at the age of 93 in the Satmar stronghold of Kiryas Yoel, New York, she was the mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, and great-great grandmother of over 2000 direct descendants, making her personally responsible for bringing more Jews into the world than nearly any other woman, and certainly any Holocaust survivor, in history. You can just imagine Hitler somersaulting in his grave as Mrs. Schwartz joyfully traveled day after day with her small travelling suitcase to yet another descendant's Kiddush, another bris, another bar mitzvah, another great-granddaughter's wedding. At every occasion, Mrs. Schwartz was the honored matriarch. Following her death, Mrs. Schwartz's daughter Nechuma recalled, "Everybody was fighting over her." To her dying day, Mrs. Schwartz was famous for what The New York Times called "her high-voltage" smile, her unrelenting love for life, and her iron-clad memory for the faces and names of every single one of her myriad of descendants. Yitta Schwartz was born in 1916 in Kalev, Hungary into a Chassidic family with seven children. During World War II, she and her husband and six children were sent to Bergen-Belsen, where two of her children were inhumanly murdered by the Nazis. Despite her own personal suffering, and her own daily struggle to simply survive, Mrs. Schwartz was known in the camp for her acts of kindness to others. At her shiva, the daughter of a woman who died in Bergen Belsen recalled how Mrs. Schwartz had selflessly risked her own life in order to prepare her mother's body and provide it with a kosher burial. Following the war, the Schwartzes and their 4 remaining children moved to Antwerp, where Mrs. Schwartz provided fellow survivors with a warm bed despite the difficulties of caring for her own growing family in their small, war-ruined apartment. In 1953, the Schwartzes moved to Williamsburg, Brooklyn, where Mr. Schwartz sold furniture and Mrs. Schwartz dedicated herself to raising their 15 children as devout Chassidic Jews, and ultimately to serving as the matriarch of what is most likely the largest family of any Holocaust survivor in history. On February 10th, several days after Mrs. Schwartz's funeral, the youngest of Mrs. Schwartz's descendants was born. It was a little girl, the first of hundreds of Chassidic baby girls, we can safely assume, who will proudly bear the name of their distinguished great-great grandmother Yitta. Mrs. Schwartz did not like to be photographed. "Just keep me in your heart," she used to tell her children. "Remember, if you leave a children or grandchild, you live forever." Photo courtesy of WanderingtheWorld of Flickr.com

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JewishMOM.com — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 08:03:45 +0000

The Most Important Mommy Peptalk of the Year

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 10:14:38 +0000
Two simple, life-altering tools that will enable every mom to discover her ultimate, unique, G-d-given mission in life. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcUfCMHahMU]

One Mother's Struggle with Vitamin D Deficiency

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 10:26:05 +0000
Did you know that because we absorb Vitamin D from the rays of the sun, modestly-dressed people are especially at risk for Vitamin D Deficiency? Therefore, Vitamin D Deficiency among religious Jews is at epidemic levels...Read about one woman's personal struggle with and recovery from this condition that can cause extreme fatigue, pain, and depression. Sunny Side Up by Debbie Shapiro I always heard that vitamins are crucial to our health — after all, I’ve studied biology and health — but I assumed it was just talk, something for hypochondriacs and little old ladies who worry about everything under the sun. So while my friends were popping massive dosages of vitamin C at every sniffle, I just grinned and purchased extra boxes of tissues. I was wrong. At first, the changes were so minor that they were almost imperceptible. I didn't realize that anything was amiss until, at age 55, I felt ready to enter an old-age home. I started paying closer attention to what was happening to my body and realized that although there were no earth-shattering changes, I was slowly losing the ability to do the things that I had always taken for granted. I couldn't pull myself out of a low chair without help. Getting down on my hands and knees or sitting on the floor was completely out of the question. I became so weak that my muscles screamed in agony at even the simplest tasks. At weddings, while passing a bottle of soda or a salad bowl to the woman next to me, I'd find myself grimacing in pain. My doctor ordered dozens of blood tests. Although the tests showed a loss of muscle function, it was not considered significantly abnormal. I wasn't in the midst of a major medical crisis, and was, according to the doctor, basically healthy. So I continued to grin and bear it, and wondered, If this is how I feel in my fifties, what will I be like in my sixties? Despite my clean bill of health, I suspected that at the rate that I was losing my ability to function, I'd end up in a wheel chair by the end of the year. I reached my breaking point while visiting my daughter in England. My muscles were screaming in pain from the plane trip, and I lay in bed stifling my moans. My daughter suggested that I soak in a hot bath. But when it was time time to get out, as much as I tried, I was unable to lift myself up from the tub. After this humiliating and unpleasant experience, I had no doubt that, despite my doctor's reassurance that I was basically healthy, there was something seriously wrong with me. I began making the rounds visiting specialists. After exhaustive tests, the rheumatologist confirmed the original diagnosis. I was in perfect health, so my pain and weakness was psychological. The doctor, one of the tops in his field, explained that I was under too much stress, which manifested itself through physical symptoms; he prescribed anti-depressants. But although his explanation made sense, I really didn't feel depressed. I felt sick and I was in terrible physical pain, and I was certainly upset about that, but otherwise, life was wonderful, so why should my symptoms be psychosomatic? I was not about to accept such a diagnosis until I was positive that there was no underlying physical problem. A friend of ours suggested that I see a different general doctor. After a thorough examination, he, too, suggested anti-depressants. As an afterthought, he also referred me to both a neurologist and an orthopedist. The neurologist informed me that my muscles were not working properly and that that, together with the blood tests showing loss of muscle function, pointed to a serious degenerative disease. “There's definitely a problem here,” he assured me. “We'll get to the bottom of it. It's not in your head.” Although I was thrilled that someone had finally found a physical reason for my pain — after all, the first step to finding a solution is defining the problem — I was also frightened. Perhaps I was suffering from something really serious, or even incurable, G-d forbid? The neurologist referred me to the hospital for tests. Thank G-d the first available appointment was in two months time. In the meantime, I visited the orthopedist, who agreed with the other doctors that my pains were probably stress related. But just to be on the safe side, he ordered a bone scan. The results were abnormal. “Your bones are degenerating,” he said. “There’s nothing we can do about it; it happens as we get older.” When I pointed out that I was only 55, the doctor shrugged and said, “You're really very young to be having such problems. We usually see scans like this in people who are in their late seventies or eighties. But it's not unheard of.” Meanwhile, I made an appointment at B’shvilaych, a well-women's clinic in Jerusalem. After a grueling two-hour examination, the doctor suggested several blood tests, including one to check my vitamin D level. Although some foods, such as certain types of fish and fortified milk, contain vitamin D, the primary source of vitamin D is sunlight. Vitamin D is necessary for our bodies to absorb calcium and deposit it into the bone. With severe vitamin D deficiency, the bones do not mineralize properly, resulting in rickets in children and osteomalacia in adults. Since we need calcium for muscle function, a vitamin D deficiency often results in decreased muscle strength and muscle pain. Vitamin D is necessary for balance, so a lack of vitamin D increases the probability of falling, which, when combined with fragile bones, can be disastrous. In addition, we need calcium for our cells to function properly, which is why vitamin D deficiency increases the risk of cancer and autoimmune disease. Until recently, the blood test to check vitamin D levels in the blood was very expensive and only performed in major hospitals. Today, however, it is routine. When I took the test two years ago, the Israeli insurance had just started offering it in their laboratory, and it was available only in the main branch on specific days of the week. It took less than forty eight hours to receive the results. Normal vitamin D levels are above thirty ng/ml, while anything below twenty is considered a serious deficiency. Mine was less than five. When I showed the results to my family doctor, his response was, “You must be in agony.” I burst into tears; finally, someone understood what I was going through. One of the medical referral agencies referred me to an endocrinologist at Hadassah Hospital who specializes in vitamin D deficiency. He listened patiently, occasionally nodding his head in sympathy as I related my tale of woe. When I finished, he smiled and showed me a small bottle of baby vitamins, the same type that I used to give my children. “Drink a bottle every week for six weeks, and then a bottle every two weeks. Within six months you should be feeling like a different person.” Huh? That was all? A little bottle of vitamins could cure my disease? “But what about the abnormal bone scan? And the blood tests showing that I'm losing muscle tone?” The doctor explained that the abnormal scan showed multiple hairline fractures that, in this particular case, were a result of my bones being extremely fragile from the lack of vitamin D. As for the blood tests, he was positive that once my vitamin D levels would go up, the blood levels would also return to normal. “I had one patient who couldn't sit up in bed without assistance. Today she's fine. I'm not a magician, and I can't promise anything, but wait for the vitamin D levels to become normal before addressing your other problems. Meanwhile, have patience and take your vitamin D.” Progress was slow, but steady. At first, the pain increased, which I later learned was a result of my bones healing. But then I suddenly found myself able to do things again; I was thrilled to be able to wash my dishes! And then there was the first time that I danced at a wedding. I'm sure my simchah was contagious. Eventually the pain and weakness disappeared and I was so busy living that I barely remembered that I had been sick. There was no cutoff point between being almost an invalid and being healthy again. It was a gradual change, imperceptible yet constant. Erev Pesach, I decided to scrub my floorboards (no, I'm not advocating scrubbing floorboards, but we all tend to overdo it). Without thinking about whether I would be able to get down on the floor, I grabbed a bucket of sudsy hot water and got down on my hands and knees to begin scrubbing. Suddenly I realized the significance of the moment. It had been years — yes, years — since I could sit on the floor. I scrubbed and sang, grateful to be able to make Pesach, grateful to be able to clean my house again, grateful to be healthy and energetic enough to take care of my family. And then, most amazing of all, I was able to get up afterwards! A true miracle. Reprinted with permission from Binah Magazine- copyright 2010. Phone Number-718-305 5200

williamsburg family

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 20:04:00 +0000

Purim Cinderella: The True Story of an Astounding Purim Miracle

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 08:26:49 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to receive our Free Weekly Newsletter I heard this story from Sara herself, so I can testify that it's 100% true! May we see many miracles this Purim as well! Enjoy! Sara looked into her mirror and saw a flashing, neon sign on her forehead that read "Old Maid." In a week, Sara would be turning 25. Most of her highschool classmates were long married, and some had one or even two children already. How had talented, beautiful Sara gotten left behind in the race for the Chuppah, with no impending dates on her calendar, and no promising candidates on the horizon? Sara had no idea. The loud voices of party-goers from the street below and the sound of Purim music made Sara feel even more depressed than usual about her bare ring finger. If she still wasn't married, what did she possibly have to celebrate? And then the doorbell rang. "Sara, what are you doing here all alone?" her friend demanded, "Cry over your MIA Prince Charming 364 nights a year, but not tonight! Put on a costume and let's go celebrate!" Along with her persistent friend, Sara felt a new energy entering her apartment from the Purim festivities outside. As Sara dressed up as Ruth the Moabite in a white robe, she suddenly felt transformed; she felt a new energy of hope, of redemption, of anything's possible in the Purim air. The pair's first stop was the nearby home of a married friend. By the time Sara and her friend arrived, their friend's husband was already very drunk, and when he saw Sara he told her, "Sara, you look like a bride tonight, and I just know that this year you are getting married! Sara, don't forget! If you pray at midnight on Purim, G-d will grant you everything your heart desires, so don't forget to pray that you will find your husband! Don't forget midnight!" Sara loved to pray, and as she and her friend headed for their next destination, Sara looked forward to that special moment when she could run out into the Purim night air like Cinderella at midnight from her royal ball, and she could pray to find her husband before all of the open gates of Heaven. Miracles were clearly in the air. Sara just knew it. But things didn't work out like Sara had planned. Sara and her friend came to a women's party at the home of several single women in Jerusalem's Nachlaot neighborhood (CJW: This is now the Weisberg family home!). At first, Sara enjoyed the dancing, the singing, the free and festive atmosphere. But things started heading downhill when Sara's friend had a nasty reaction to all the alcohol she had been drinking. While taking care of her sick friend, Sara completely lost track of time, and by the time she looked at her watch, it was 3 AM. Sara was heartbroken. At that moment, she felt her royal gown turn back into rags, her royal coachmen back into mice, and her royal carriage back into a pumpkin. Apparently, Sara feared, she would have to wait yet another year in order to find her husband. But wasn’t all of Purim even holier than Yom Kippur, Sara reminded herself. Wasn't this entire day an auspicious time for prayer? Sara ran out into the chilly night, and sat on a low wall along the sidewalk. Sara basked in the middle-of-the-night silence and the magical smile of the full moon. Now she could pray in peace, and she felt a strange certainty that G-d was about to redeem her from her waiting, that He was about to answer all her prayers. Before she could begin praying, though, she saw three drunk men turn the corner. Sara's heart fell. She hoped that they would walk by quickly so that she could finally get down to the business of finding a husband. As the three men approached her, Sara overheard them speaking in English. One of them said to the others, "Bless me that I find my wife this year! I've got to find her this year!" Another answered, "Why are you wasting your time talking to us? Here's a nice young woman. Speak to her! Maybe she's your soulmate? Maybe she's your wife?" Before Sara knew it, two of the men had continued on, and a drunk man she had never seen before was sitting next to her and looking into her face. "You are my wife, you are my soulmate!" he told her. Sara wasn't impressed. She had just spent the past few hours caring for her drunk friend, and now yet another drunk party-goer had come along to ruin her Purim. "Why did you get so drunk?" she attacked him. "Do you think you can find real happiness through drinking? It's disgusting." Her new companion, whose name was Moshe, deflected her attack with humor, and for the next half an hour, Sara found her self in the midst of one of the nicest, deepest, and most pleasurable conversations of her life. Sara hated the standard dating conversations, the formal, awkward "How many children are in your family?" "What are you studying?" "What are your plans for the future?" And that night, with this complete stranger, she found herself suddenly engaged in a conversation between two souls. Sara and Moshe skipped over the usual awkward introductions, and soared straight into a discussion about the most significant moments of their childhoods, the meaning of Purim, the meaning of happiness itself. Sara felt so happy, and turned her thoughts Heavenward, "Thank you G-d for this conversation, for this tremendous Purim gift." But then Moshe's friends returned to find him, and Sara's friends came out to look for her. Sara ran back into the party, and Moshe lost track of his mystery companion in the sudden crowd that had appeared out of nowhere. A nice conversation, Sara thought when back inside the party, but nothing serious. Sara knew what she wanted. She was looking for a real Sabra, a tough Israeli GI Joe type. And Moshe was a sweet, funny medical student whose Hebrew was tinged with a tell-tale American accent. Not her type. Not at all! Anyway, she thought, Moshe was so drunk that he certainly wouldn't remember anything that had happened that night, including their meeting and their conversation. Sara didn’t even mention Moshe in her next day's lengthy diary entry about the events of Purim. 4 days later, the day before Sara's 25th birthday, Sara took a trip to the North. As she looked out the bus window and watched the Jordan Valley passing by, tears streamed down her face as she prayed with great intensity fueled by near-despair. "G-d, please, please, please, I'm turning 25 tomorrow. I so desperately want to be a wife, I so desperately want to be a mother, I so desperately want my life to finally start! Please send me my husband this birthday!" The next day, on her depressing, dreaded 25th birthday, her cellphone rang and she noticed that it was a number she'd never seen before. For a split-second she allowed a single ray of hope to enter her heart. Maybe it was a new guy calling to ask her out? Maybe this new guy would be her husband, and G-d was answering her prayers as a special Divine birthday present just for her? But it turned out that it wasn't some amazing, new guy. It was just Moshe. Sara was stunned. "How did you find out my name?" Sara asked. "I don't know" Moshe answered. "How did you find out my phone number?" Sara asked. "I don't know," Moshe answered. "Did you know that today's my birthday?" "I didn't know that," Moshe answered. "The only thing I know is that I don't remember a thing from Purim this year, but I will never forget our conversation. I've got to see you again." For a whole hour, Sara tried very hard to convince Moshe for a variety of reasons that they had absolutely no future together. And Moshe, in turn, tried just as hard to convince Sara that she had to give him at least one more chance. But then Sara realized that she had been praying and praying that G-d would send her her husband on her 25th birthday, and now Moshe was calling her out of the blue. Maybe it was a sign? Sara decided that, just this once, she should give in. And seven wedding anniversaries and 4 children later, Sara is very, very happy that she did. Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Express Monorail

The Husband Gemach

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 08:38:43 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to receive our Free Weekly Newsletter An oldie but a goodie, from the Efrat Purim Shpiel a few years back. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRRoWOvKklQ]

cinderella

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 10:00:20 +0000

The Mega-Peptalk: 6 Ways to be a Happier Mom

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 11:23:10 +0000
In honor of Adar, six tips to becoming a happier mother (30 minutes) [googlevideo=http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4569871808322195291&hl=en#]

You're Not the Only One

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 11:33:43 +0000
Click to order: http://www.artscroll.com/Books/mtmh.html Here is the 3rd post from a 7-week series of excerpts from the JewishMOM.com book of the year Mothers to Mothers: Women Across the Globe Share the Joys and Challenges of Jewish Motherhood by Julie Hauser (Artscroll), a collection of honest and colorful interviews with 30 Orthodox mothers sprinkled with insightful and inspiring mothering advice from respected educators and rebbetzins. Enjoy this week's excerpts: It’s Only Me by Rebbetzin Yitty Neustadt: When couples know, it is between us and our Creator, we are the ones together, with our daas Torah [rabbi] that we go by, that is when they are going to do their maximum and their best. But as soon as people start comparing, sharing, and giving out, then there is a weakening. One of the strengths that a woman gives to her home is that she is the fortress. And a fortress is closed. It doesn’t have windows, doesn’t have cracks in the walls. It’s open on top, and that’s where the ammunition gets delivered, with everything they need. Or, they have a locked, sealed door to go in and out of when they are safe. This is how a Jewish home is supposed to look: husband and wife, and God. And nobody else’s business is into my business, and mine isn’t into anybody else’s. I believe the weakness in this generation is because there are a lot of comparisons without having any knowledge of what is truly behind the scenes. Ladies, I must tell you what I hear. Sometimes I speak at seminars with all these well dressed and posh, posh people listening. I’m talking about women who look really good, and you see them with their babies and their carriages, everything looks so expensive and comfortable. Until I sit down and I hear what goes on in their private lives, and then I hear churban Beis HaMikdash [the destruction of the Temple] underneath everything. There is so much suffering, so many issues to be dealt with. Individually. And yet, there is this funny saying in Yiddish, “Everybody thinks that everybody else is smiling.” “It’s only me!” The grass is greener on the other side. This lady was crying to me, “Only I’m miserable. I see my friends walking down the street, they all look so good, so happy; I’m the only one in misery.” And I said to her, “My dear, if only you would know what appearance YOU give out there, that everyone is looking and saying, ‘She’s living it up, she has it all!’ What I have to go through, that’s between me and God. All these people are so happy, it’s only me who’s not. The “only me” is every single one of us. Heard on Kol Haloshon, published with permission from the speaker. Excerpts from interviews with two mothers... Rena: A child of the 60s, enjoys gardening and herbology. From Florida, living in Israel I once called up a well-known rebbetzin. And a kid answered the phone, then put the phone down, and he obviously got distracted and forgot to call his mother. So I am waiting, and waiting, and I hear her, yelling in the background. It made me feel like, if I do that too, once in a while, it doesn’t mean I am a failure as a mother; her kids turned out fantastic! She’s a wonderful person. So, I can be human too. It’s nice to just get a license to be human. Sheryl: In transition as her childbearing years end. Exploring career again. From Boston. My daughter is like gold that just has to be polished. And it was so funny, because someone was watching her who was so frustrated with her own kids. And she said, “You’re so lucky, they’re such easy kids!” And I’m smiling, because I’d been in the principal’s office all day about the older kid, up all night with the younger kid, and this person just saw the one that’s easy. That’s my gift to compensate for the other ones. That’s another turning point. I got to the point of walking into other people’s houses and feeling so inadequate, seeing how well they were doing and how well I was not doing. I suddenly realized that my gift to the world was this: No one ever walked into my house and felt she was an inadequate housekeeper! And that was a gift I gave to other women!

My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 10:27:53 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to receive our Free Weekly Newsletter At our Purim meal yesterday, we received a surprise visit from friends who just returned from 6 months working in Jewish outreach in India. That meant that I spent most of the meal in the kitchen staring at their laptop, ooing and ahing at their photos of the magical, rice-field-filled-village where they had lived, and of the incredible Israeli backpackers who had their first encounter with Shabbat and the light of observant Judaism in our friends' makeshift bungalow, and of the kind local Indians who helped them out and welcomed them during their stay. My friend also told me about aspects of their time there that did not feel so magical. When an Israeli tourist came knocking on her door at 11 PM pleading for medical help during a power outage because a motorcycle had just run into his rickshaw, or when there was no gas or electricity and they were expecting 70 Shabbat guests that night for dinner, or when she woke up to find a group of complete strangers camping out in her courtyard. But my friend had a revelation during her stay in India. She discovered that by staying calm and maintaining a positive attitude, she could get through absolutely ANYTHING. My friend's revelation reminded me of this past Friday, and the extent to which I did not manage to follow her advice. First, my 2-year-old's babysitter cancelled for Friday morning so I had to prepare for Shabbat with Yoel's help (make that "help"), and then the student who always comes to help us get the house ready for Shabbat called at 2 PM to say she wouldn’t be coming that week, and then I discovered at 3 PM that our boiler was broken so there would be no hot water for showers and baths. But, unlike my friend when the motorcycle hit the rickshaw in faraway India, I cried, I sulked, I resented, I yelled. And even after I had cooked and cleaned and growled at my daughter until she set the table and I had finally lit my Shabbat candles, I felt just as embittered and down as I had all day long. As nighttime descended over Jerusalem, what I really wanted to do was just curl up in bed and sulk some more. But I decided that it might cheer me up to go on my traditional Friday night walk to pray at the gravesite of the Gerrer Rebbes, the Imrei Emes and the Pnei Menachem, right on the other side of the market. In recent months, I have found that the doors to the gravesite have been locked on Shabbat, so I have prayed outside the door to the men's section. That was until a few weeks ago, when they started locking the outer gate leading to the gravesite, so I have been forced to pray on the street next to the enclosure, and withstand the curious stares of passersby. But this past Friday night, I got to the gravesite, and found that something incredible (miraculous?) had happened. The gate was open! And not only that, the women's section was unlocked, and while the men's section was pitch black, the light in the women's section had even been left on. So I sat down and I talked to G-d. And as you can imagine, I had a lot to say. I told Him about how terrible I had been that whole day. How I had tried to be calm and positive, but had failed so miserably and how my whole family had paid the price. And then I cried some more, and felt like the worst mother in the world, and like a huge, whopping failure. A sulking, resentful, skunk of a human being. After I'd been there for a while, I finally tried to cheer myself up by making a list of ten things I had actually accomplished that day. It wasn't easy, but I squeezed out a few things like: "I cleaned the house for Shabbat." "I made food for Shabbat" "I actually only flipped out at one of my children over the course of the day, and kept my cool with the other four…" And when I was done with my list, I zippered up my coat and gathered up my courage and stuck my head into the men's section where the actual graves are. It was really dark in there except for a bunch of olive-oil candles in large bowls. It was extremely creepy, and my gut was screaming for me to flee. But I had one urgent prayer that I just had to say before I went home: "Please G-d, in the merit of these great Tsaddikim buried here, please bless me with Simcha, please bless me with happiness this Shabbat and this coming Purim." And you will think I'm nuts, but I walked out of that place practically dancing with joy, and walked the whole way home with a clown's ear to ear smile on my face. By the time I got home, a bunch of guests were already there waiting for me. And for that whole meal, and for the rest of Shabbat, and even during the inevitable stressful moments of mishloach-manot sending and feast-hosting and costume-parts-gone-amissing of this Purim, I felt the expansive power of that happiness filling me with the calm and positive attitude that my friend had found in India, and that I had found this past Friday night when some forgetful Gerer Chassid had left all the gates open, just for me. Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Etrenard

india women

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 10:34:13 +0000

Conquering Illness: A Jewish Mom's Secret Weapon

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 10:11:47 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to receive our Free Weekly Newsletter This is a letter I just received from Racheli Muchnik, a mother of 5 children and Chabad emissary in California, who was diagnosed several weeks ago with thyroid cancer. This inspiring letter is such convincing testimony of the power of Racheli's "secret weapon"--positive thinking and faith. Thank you, Racheli, for sharing this letter of inspiration and courage with us! Thursday, February 25, 2010 Adar 11, 5770 Dear Friends and Family, Thank God! My heart and soul is overflowing with thanks to God… I am alive! I can walk! I can talk! I can laugh! I can write you this letter. I write to you from Cedar Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, where I have been granted the opportunity to truly value the life that God has given me. As many of you know, a bit over two months ago I was diagnosed with Papillary Thyroid Cancer. I had a growth on my thyroid, central compartment, about the size of a ping-pong ball! It seemed to have also spread to the surrounding lymph nodes as well. The cure? Total Thyroidectamy (removal of the thyroid) and neck dissection, followed up with a treatment of radiation. You can imagine the shock. Me? I had just entered my ninth month of pregnancy! I am a healthy woman! I am busy raising a family! I am about to have a baby…I want to nurse for as long as she wants… And so began my journey to develop my trust in God. Everything will be okay, I knew, but now I need to really believe that. I was afraid. I was angry. Why is God ‘wasting my time’ with this? He is giving me the most precious gift of a new baby… How can He now give me an illness that may prevent me from nursing her as she rightfully deserves…? So my mantra became: “Think Good and it will Be Good,” as we are taught in Chassidic Philosophy. G-d has done miracles in my life, giving me a loving and caring husband and five beautiful children… He can “pull this one off” for me too. But as surgery date approached, so did my deepest fears. Being in the month of Adar – the month of joy, I knew the best medicine would be laughter and joy. So together with my old classmates and friends in LA, we organized an “Adar Dance Party.” This past Saturday night, I drove down and we danced and danced. We all decided we were going to “dance the night away” – chasing away all negativity, all challenges and difficulties. Looking around at my circle of friends, as we danced and sang together, I thought about how each of us has our own share of fears, our own worries and problems. Yet tonight, I was sure – we could break the spiritual boundaries, and draw down goodness and blessings. So we rejoiced in the miracles that we were confident would be coming our way… and boy did we dance! I got home after 1am. Arriving at the hospital on Tuesday morning, my heart was racing. The biggest medical procedure I have ever had in my life up until that point was … hmmm… let’s see – my wisdom tooth pulled? (!!) I squirm every time I need a simple blood test!! The nurse brought me to the Pre-Op Room, and they began pricking and poking me, and telling me to put on funny looking blue shoes, a hat and gown. The room was cold. And that fear was tugging away at my heart. They are about to put me to sleep. I have never gone under general anesthesia, and to me at the moment, it felt like they were going to be taking my life away (God forbid)! So I closed my eyes and spoke to myself the calming words I had been repeating over and over the past few weeks… God loves me. He is taking care of me. The same God who has sent me this challenge, will support me through it. He is literally ‘carrying’ me now, holding me in a tight embrace. Soon I will be sleeping. My healing powers will be activated. I will wake up a completely healthy person. Not a foreign cell in my body. The doctors are a tool in God’s ‘Hand’, they are here to help me, to save my life. That helped. But I was still so afraid. I clutched onto the silver dollar I had received from the Rebbe. It was attached to a chain and I was wearing it as a bracelet. And closing my eyes again, I began to sing a song in my mind. It was a victory marching song. Every year, the Lubavitcher Rebbe would stand up, his prayer shawl over his face, singing this lively and cheerful song to signify our confidence in having been written, signed and sealed for a sweet new year… And every year, my husband Rabbi Dov, representing the Rebbe here in Oxnard, does the same! So the image of Dov, standing up on his chair singing that Chassidic melody, popped into my head. And the song filled my heart with confidence. It drove away any ounce of fear. I was ready to march towards success and healing. This year, on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, we WERE sealed for a year of life, health, happiness and blessings. It was already decided, no doubt! The next the thing I know, I see the surgeon’s smiling face telling me that surgery is over! It was a wonderful success! He said he experienced many miracles while operating. The tumor had been very close, but never ‘stuck’ to anything important, like wind pipe, nerves, voice box… enabling him to do a very ‘clean job’. All I could think was “Thank G-d! Thank G-d! This is all now BEHIND ME! We can celebrate!” The best news came when the Endocrinologist came by to let us know that although the pathology shows that the tumor was definitely malignant… he is confident that I can nurse my baby peacefully, and delay radiation, as long as I continue to be monitored. He says we may even be able to delay radiation – permanently! The doctors and nurses are so pleased and surprised with my rapid recovery, considering the very ‘involved’ surgery that I had… But I am not surprised! I have my baby, Menucha, waiting for me at home, and her four older siblings… I have the strongest will to heal and get back. Thank you G-d! Thank you for a husband like Rabbi Dov who has been so patient, kind and loving all along. Thank you G-d for returning my health to me! I want to pay G-d back now, with even more vigor and strength than ever. I want to do Your Will. I want to do all that is in my power to transform this world into the world You intended it to be – a place of love, peace, spirituality, and full of the light of Torah and Mitzvot. A world of Moshiach and Redemption! Our family has experienced a modern day “Purim Story”. The miracle of Purim continues to take place in our lives. G-d is intimately involved in every detail of our lives, especially in challenging moments. Any extra mitzvah that is done in our merit, will have made this all worth it! Thank you all for being like family to me. Thank you for inundating the Heavens with your prayers for me. It worked! I miss you all and look forward to seeing you very soon. With love, Racheli PS I have just been notified by the nurse that my blood work looks good and that the doctor has signed the discharge papers. I’m going home to my family a day early!

profile happy woman

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 10:25:13 +0000

My Favorite Pesach Cleaning Checklist by Rabbi Scheinberg

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 08:54:04 +0000
Is Passover cleaning getting you stressed out, tired out, and flipping out with your kids and husband? Rabbi Scheinberg Shlit"a says: Don't go overboard, Jewish mom! If you are starting to look like the woman in this video, I recommend that you print up Rabbi Scheinberg's thorough but easy room-by-room instructions as a sanity-preserving guideline for Passover cleaning. This is long, so I've marked the highlights in bold. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpMjboP6oZY] Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to receive our Free Weekly Newsletter CLEAN FOR PESACH AND ENJOY THE SEDER! by Rabbi Chaim Pinchas Scheinberg Edited By Rabbi Moshe Finkelstein Kiryat Mattersdorf, Jerusalem Pesach 5765 Print Version These notes are based on the responsa of Moreinu veRabbeinu HaGaon HaRav Chaim Pinchas Scheinberg, shlita, rosh yeshivas Torah Ore, to questions posed by women attending his regular talks. They have been compiled by a group of his students. The notes also include Hebrew sources and footnotes, which are not reproduced here. PREFACE In former times, wealthy people who had large houses also had many servants who did their bidding, while poor people, who could not afford servants, lived in small homes with one or two rooms. Understandably, the pre-Passover chores of the rich were performed by the servants, while the poor, who had only their one or two rooms to clean, a few pieces of furniture, a minimum of utensils, and some clothing, took care of their needs themselves. In those days, cleaning was hard. Tables were made of raw wood, requiring them to be scrubbed or even to be shaven to ensure that no pieces of food were hidden in the cracks. Earthen or wooden floors also needed to be thoroughly cleaned and scrubbed. Today, we seem to be caught in a trap. The average modern home is larger than formerly. Furniture, utensils and clothing are much more plentiful. The average home today can compare with the more affluent homes of previous generations. However, we do not have the servants that they had, so that today, all the chores fall on the woman of the home. At the same time she still feels obligated to clean and scrub as they did formerly, even though she has laminated furniture and tiled floors, making this type of cleaning unnecessary. As a result of this, the pressure of pre-Pesach cleaning has reached unnecessary and overwhelming levels. The housewife often becomes overly nervous, unable to enjoy the holiday joy of Passover and unable to perform the mitzvos and obligations of the Seder night. INTRODUCTION Passover, like every other yom tov, must be enjoyed by every member of the family, including women. This is an obligation clearly defined in the Torah as explained by our Sages. We can understand a person dreading Tisha B'Av but Pesach is to be looked forward to and anticipated with joy. Every woman should be well rested, relaxed and alert at the Seder table so that she can fulfill all the Torah and Rabbinic obligations and follow the Haggadah with the rest of the family. Clearly, the performance of her pre- Passover duties must be balanced against her Passover obligations. Pre-Passover cleaning is required to avoid the danger of transgressing any Torah or Rabbinic prohibition of having chometz in the house on Pesach. It is evident from the responsa of the Rosh Hayeshiva shlita that this need not be excessive. It is not the intention here to abolish traditions which have been passed down by Klal Yisroel from generation to generation. Nevertheless, some practices adopted by women in the Passover cleaning today are not an actual continuation of the old traditions. For example, if a person does not sell his chometz, of course it is necessary to check his utensils and to wash off any chometz left on them, or to render the chometz inedible. But if the chometz is sold, then washing the pots, pans and dishes which are going to be locked away is not necessary. One might be tempted to insist on doing the extra work anyway -- to be machmir (stringent). However, in these stringencies lies the grave danger of causing many laxities and brushing aside many mitzvohs completely, including Torah and Rabbinic obligations which women are required to do on Passover and particularly during the Seder. Many women like to do more "cleaning" than the bare minimum, to such an extent, that some even incorporate their general "spring cleaning" into their required pre-Passover chores. These extra exertions should not prevent them from fulfilling their obligations on Passover, and particularly on the Seder night. GENERAL NOTES A. All property and possessions must be cleaned and checked to make sure that they are free of all chometz, except in the following cases: B. If, during the year, chometz is not brought into a place, that place does not have to be cleaned out or checked for chometz. C. Any article which is not used on Pesach does not need to be checked for chometz, provided it is put away properly and the chometz in it is sold. D. Crumbs which have been rendered completely inedible [C.J. Weisberg explains: by coating with small amount of household cleaner] to the extent that they are not fit to be eaten by a dog are not considered chometz. E. The general obligation to check for and destroy crumbs does not apply if the crumbs are less than the size of an olive (kezayis) and are dirty or spoiled enough to prevent a person from eating them. F. The household cleaner (mentioned below) used must spoil the crumbs slightly to the extent that people would refrain from eating them. G. It is customary that any item to be kashered should not be used for 24 hours prior to kashering, in order that it should not be a ben- yomo. PRACTICAL APPLICATIONS 1) CLOTHING CLOSETS: If there is some significant possibility that chometz went into them, they should be checked for fully edible crumbs of chometz, besides large pieces of chometz. If the probability that chometz entered these places is remote, a rav can be consulted to clarify the conditions under which they do not have to be checked. This includes chests, dressers, basements, and all other similar places (see General Note E). 2) FLOORS: We don't have earthen floors with deep cracks in them. It is sufficient for tiled or covered floors to be swept and washed with a household floor cleaner. Cracks and spaces between tiles do not have to be checked if the cleaning solution reaches into them. 3) FOOD CABINETS: If the cabinet is not going to be used on Passover, then you just have to lock it or seal it in a manner that will remind you not to use it on Passover and sell it with the chometz (see General Notes C & E ). If the cabinet is going to be used on Pesach, take out all the food and wash it with a rag soaked in a household cleaner. Be sure the cleansing agent reaches into all the cracks and soaks into any crumbs that might be left there. The usual practice is to line the cabinets. 4) REFRIGERATOR: Take the food out, and wash it with a rag soaked in a household cleaner. The racks are usually covered. (It is advisable to leave holes for air circulation.) 5) KASHERING SINKS: Clean the sinks (see General Note G), and pour a kettle of boiling water into them and on their sides. Some people pour hot water mixed with bleach down the drain. The usual practice today is to use an insert, or line the sinks (e.g. aluminum foil, contact paper). If not difficult, this practice should be followed. 6) FAUCETS (TAPS): Cleaning, without any other kashering procedure, is sufficient. 7) MARBLE AND STAINLESS STEEL COUNTERS: If they were used for hot chometz they should first be cleaned well. They should either be completely covered so that nothing Pesach'dik touches them or (if it will not ruin the countertop) pour boiling hot water on them (see General Note G). Many people do both. 8 TABLETOPS: Wash them with a household cleaner. The usual practice is to cover the tables. 9) KASHERING RANGE/OVEN/STOVE-TOP: Wash the top and side surface areas with a rag soaked in a strong household cleaner. Clean the knobs well. Grates can be kashered by first cleaning them well (see General Note G), then put them back on the stove, and then lighting all the burners, raising them to their maximum heat, putting on a blech while the burners are on. This spreads the heat over the whole top and intensifies the heat on the grates. Let it burn for 5 - 10 minutes. [Be careful that the knobs don't melt.] After kashering, the usual practice today is to cover the stove-top with aluminum foil (being extremely careful not to block the air inlets around the burners and on the back of the stove, as this could create poisonous fumes in the room). * OVEN: If you want to use the oven: (a) First clean the oven well with an oven cleaner (e.g. Easy-Off). Make sure that it reaches into all the cracks and around the screws. (After using the oven cleaner, there is no need for further cleaning). (see General Note G). Then heat the inside of the oven by turning the oven on to its highest temperature for about one hour. (b) If your oven has a turbo option (a fan which circulates the heat ), consult a rav about your particular type. (c) After kashering, if the oven door has a glass window, preferably cover the entire inside of the door with aluminum foil. (d) If a closed oven insert is available, this would be preferable. In this case, only washing and cleaning are necessary. (e) Do not use the chometz-dik oven racks for Pesach. If this is difficult, then one can kasher the racks with the same procedure as for the oven, placing them as close as possible to the heating element. If the oven is not going to be used: None of the above is necessary. Just make certain that there is no edible chometz inside, tape it closed well and see below #10. 10) POTS, PANS, DISHES, & SILVERWARE (CUTLERY): Whatever is not going to be used for Pesach should either be locked up, or put away and sealed in a manner which will remind you not to use them on Pesach. If there is a possibility of actual chometz in them, the chometz should be sold (see General Note C.). If you do not sell chometz, then they should be either washed or soaked in a household cleaner; it is not necessary to scrub them. (Concerning kashering utensils for Pesach consult a rav.) 11) FOOD PROCESSOR/MIXER: A rav should be consulted. 12) DISH TOWELS: If one does not have a Pesach'dik set of dish towels, then one's regular dish towels may be used if they are washed with a detergent and no food remains attached to them. (It is customary to have a set of Pesach'dik dish towels.) 13) PESACH TABLECLOTHS: These can be ironed with the same iron as is used during the rest of the year. 14) CLOTHES, BLANKETS, POCKETS, ETC.: If they have been washed in detergent or dry cleaned, then there is no need for them to be checked (see General Note E). Otherwise they need to be cleaned and checked thoroughly by brushing or shaking them out well. However, if there is a possibility of crumbs between the stitches or in a hidden crevice which cannot be shaken out, then they must be wiped with a rag which has been soaked in a detergent. Clothes which will not be worn on Pesach do not have to be checked, but they should be put away and the chometz in them sold (see General Notes C. and Sec. 10 on Pots and Pans). 15) SIDDURIM, BENCHERS, SEFORIM, BOOKS: If there is a chance that they contain chometz, then they should either be put away and sold with other chometz utensils (see General Notes C.), or cleaned and checked well. 16) TOYS: If there is edible chometz, then it should be either removed, or rendered inedible (see General Notes E). There is no need to scrub them. 17) TECHINA & OTHER KITNIYOS (legumes): May be used after the house has been cleaned for Pesach. They should not be cooked in utensils that will be used on Pesach, and certainly not on Pesach itself (according to the Ashkenaz minhag). 20) LAST MINUTE PREPARATIONS: For example, setting the table, etc., should be completed early enough in the day, so that you will be able to rest a little bit. Be ready to start the seder immediately after ma'ariv, to ensure that the children won't fall asleep at the Seder. 21) ENJOY PESACH! Try to make the Pesach chores easy for yourself. Don't do unnecessary hard work. Don't do unnecessary cleaning. You can be like a Queen and you must enjoy your Pesach! Reprinted from www.Orchos.org. All Rights Reserved. Revised Edition. Permission is given to reprint for non-sale purposes only. 10 Adar, 5762. Jerusalem, Israel photo courtesy of Flickr.com user chudo.sveta

woman cleaning window

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 11:11:10 +0000

Mommy Peptalk for Moms who Hate Passover Cleaning

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 08:49:55 +0000
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcuLPITYE4g]

bride

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 09:30:47 +0000

From Baby to Bride

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 09:31:11 +0000
Want to be a happier, more inspired mom? Click to receive our Free Weekly Newsletter In 1991, when my husband moved to Israel to attend yeshiva, the Samet family unofficially adopted him. During his two years at the yeshiva, Josh would spend several nights a week discussing theological issues with Rabbi Yisrael Samet, and almost every Shabbat with the Rabbi, his wife Tami, and their 8 exceptional and adorable children. Since then, the Samets have remained our unofficial family in Israel. 14 years ago today, Rabbi Samet performed our wedding ceremony, and several years after that he recommended Josh for the teaching position of his dreams which he holds until this day. If Josh and I have important questions- where to send our children to school, how to deal with tough parenting issues, how to plan for the future- the Samets are almost inevitably the people we turn to. In the hard times, as well, it has been the Samets who have stood by our side to support us until we got through to the other side. It is not an exaggeration to say that to this day, the Samets represent an unparalleled ideal to me. A loving, respectful marriage between two best friends and soul mates. Strong, bright, curious children who are extremely proud to be Jewish and equally proud to be Samets. This all means that I remember Shira Samet, the fourth Samet child, from way, way back. I remember Shira with miniature blond braids abouncing, running ahead of her mother on their way to pick up their father after synagogue every Friday night, and scurrying underneath the table and my feet one Shabbat Chanukah with her younger sister declaring, "We are Maccabis hiding from the Greeks!" I remember Shira a few years later. The excited smile with which she greeted us Weisbergs when we appeared at her door after the tiring bus ride from Jerusalem, the way she bent over with a bemused yet serious expression to listen to my young daughters' latest news from kindergarten and nursery school, and the sweet, sesame-sprinkled Challot that she and her sisters prepared every Friday and that Josh and I loved so much. I remember Shira in high school, her insightful and insistent questions to her father during the family's traditional Bible study session during Shabbat lunch, and her urgent idealism and activism during the months leading up to the Israeli withdrawal from Gush Katif. And I will always, always remember how it felt to see Shira standing, so ethereal, so beautiful all in white, underneath her chuppah with her young husband last Wednesday night. Oh, did I cry. Where did the years go? I blinked, and Shira the Maccabi with the bouncing blond braids had become a woman and a wife. I looked over at my own daughters gazing up in awe at Shira underneath her chuppah. Savor these days, I thought to myself. Savor the hurricane days, the un-tuned afternoon orchestra of children's voices, and the traces of wet kisses on your cheek. Savor every moment, because soon, all too soon, these children, too (with G-d's help) will spread their wings and fly. Photo courtesy of Flickr.com users Jacob and Kiki Hantla

Trading Eyeglasses: How NOT to Cope with Life's Challenges

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 09:49:53 +0000
Click to order: http://www.artscroll.com/Books/mtmh.html This post is part of a 7-week series of excerpts from the JewishMOM.com book of the year Mothers to Mothers: Women Across the Globe Share the Joys and Challenges of Jewish Motherhood by Julie Hauser (Artscroll), a collection of honest and colorful interviews with 30 Orthodox mothers sprinkled with insightful and inspiring mothering advice from respected educators and rebbetzins. Enjoy this week's excerpts: Sheryl: In transition as child-bearing years end. Exploring career again. From Boston. I think the real trick in life is to really embrace how God made you, and your neighbors. To know that everyone in your life has come to you exactly as prescribed. One big moment that reinforced that notion is this story: I had just learned, “Your life is designed for you in the same manner that your eyeglasses are prescribed for you.” It’s a carefully measured calculation. You visit with a trained professional with equipment that carefully measures and grinds the glass, and if they’re done wrong they don’t work. They have to be made correctly. And so, your life is your pair of glasses. It really is your hashgachah [God's will for you] ; it really is made exactly for who you are and what you need as your tikkun [spiritual fixing]. So I had just heard this vort [teaching] about the eyeglass prescriptions, and I was at work with someone. And we had very similar glasses. And we both had the habit of taking off our glasses and laying them on the table. And I literally picked up her glasses, put them on my face, and couldn’t see. I was baffled. “What’s wrong? Were my glasses dirty?” I pulled them off, and looked at them, and realized that they were her glasses. And I felt like God was handing me the visceral experience that I had just read in a book. Author’s (Julie Hauser’s) note: The essay by Malky Feig, “Making the Mark,” in her book Mirrors and Windows,* explains how when she was in high school, one way the exams were proctored was to give different exams to different students seated near each other. That way, even if someone wanted to cheat, it was impossible. Someone next to her might have had, on the first page of her exam, an essay to write about social studies, while on her own exam, geometry problems were first. It was called the “shuffling system.” She described it as a form of solitary confinement because she was forced to tune out other people’s whispers, and ignore whether or not her friend nearby had turned the first page yet. It was like being together with everyone, yet being on one’s own island. I have highlighted excerpts of the essay to illustrate the point of what the women in this chapter learned and expressed: By Malky Feig: from her book Mirrors and Windows …We may be in the same room, seemingly scribbling together, but it’s our own test we’re taking. We may be the same age, at the same stage. We may share common friends, budgets, number of children. We may face the same hardships, syndromes, diagnoses. We may live in the same communities, consult the same rabbis, pray in the same shul. We may even be confronted with the same questions. But it isn’t the same exam we’re taking. Passing the test that our destiny hands us is not something we can do by looking at the next person’s paper. We cannot copy decisions, transcribe conclusions, imitate resolutions. It’s a tactic doomed to failure. At times, it’s ever so tempting to raise our eyes from the paper, and steal a furtive glance around the room. What’s everybody else doing? “Everybody else,” though, is a deceptive consolidation, a mistaken illusion. There is no everybody else. One is tackling Math, another one History. One is taking dikduk [grammar], another Yahadus [Torah Studies]. Each one of us is on another grade level, on a separate assignment. That person sitting in the next desk may have all the right answers. For his test. He may have the supportive family you don’t have, the financial backing, the available time. She may have different physical and emotional needs, different levels of stamina and intelligence. His family may be more demanding, her job less grueling, their house more accommodating. They may have a child with special needs, a health consideration you don’t know about, a rabbi or rebbe guiding them in a certain direction. Copy them, and you’ve failed. We have to look inward, weigh our own personal set of variables, and figure out the answers to our individual challenges. We may have to pause when others are jotting confidently; we may have to sit over a question long after the others have gone out to recess, but we’ve got to figure it out for ourselves. For ourselves; fortunately, not by ourselves. Because the Ultimate Proctor bears no resemblance to His mortal counterparts. He shuffles the students and hands out the papers. And then He helps us get through the questions. One at a time… Excerpted From Mirrors and Windows, by Malky Feig, Mesorah Publications, Ltd., 2005, reprinted with permission.

My Top 10 of the Top 10 Tips for Easier Passover Cleaning

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 09:54:50 +0000
WANT TO BE A HAPPIER, MORE INSPIRED MOM? CLICK TO RECEIVE OUR FREE NEWSLETTER [caption id="attachment_764" align="aligncenter" width="333" caption="Leading rabbis say: Don\'t go overboard, Jewish mom!"][/caption] I just spent the whole morning reading through every single "Top 10 Ways to Make Pesach Cleaning Easier" list I could get my hands/browser on. I usually hate these lists, because they require a level of organization and advance planning that is not happening any time soon in the Weisberg home, but I also found among these lists the top 10 treasures below that will almost definitely reduce the amount of time we will all need to spend cleaning for Passover this year. These lists clarified for me at long last, after 14 years of marriage, something that will definitely make my cleaning a whole lot easier this year. They helped me understand that I should have two cleaning very different modes: CLEANING MODE #1, QUICK AND EASY: Cleaning Things that will not come into Contact with Food during Pesach: For example, this includes most objects/places in your bedrooms, playroom, closets, entrance, bathrooms. In these places (where you will not eat during Pesach) you are on the lookout for Chametz which is the size of a KeZayit (i.e., 30 grams, a square inch. I envision a mini pretzel.) I.e., You are NOT worrying about the grains of sand in the turned-inside-out corner of your daughter's dress from last Rosh Hashana. You ARE looking for the forgotten cookie in the lego box. This mode of checking should be quick and easy. CLEANING MODE #2, THOROUGH AND VERY SERIOUS: Cleaning Things that Could/Will come into Contact with Food during Pesach: This includes places like your tables and kitchen, and any other places you will be eating/preparing food. In these places, you must find and get rid of even the teensiest crumb of chametz. These are the rooms/things which should be checked VERY VERY seriously for every last bit of chametz. BUT, don't worry Jewish mom! In these food-contact places as well, you have other options which will NOT require careful cleaning. A: According to Rabbi Scheinberg shlit"a, any article or object that will be closed up and sold to a non-Jew for Passover, does NOT need to be checked or cleaned for chametz. B: Make the chametz inedible by going over it with a sponge filled with Ajax/bleach or covering it over with strong, sticky tape. This is a good solution for the stubborn guck in the back corners of kitchen cabinets and drawers. OK, I hope that understanding the 2 Cleaning Modes and reading these 10 tips below will help to make these weeks before Passover a bit easier for all of us Jewish moms…Pesach Kasher v'Sameach So, here goes, my Top 10 of the Top 10 tips. Enjoy! The Top 10 of the Top Ten Tips to make Pesach Cleaning Easier 1. Cobwebs and Curtains: "Cobwebs and curtains are not chametz. While it's nice to have sparking walls and dust-free window coverings to beautify our homes, it is not vital to clean these areas before Pesach. The mitzvah of Pesach cleaning is to remove chametz from our homes -- not dust. You don't gain spiritual reward for staying up until midnight sweeping the corners of your ceiling. Instead, focus your efforts on the areas you know contain chametz, like the toy box, china closet, car seats and kitchen drawers. Save the spring-cleaning for another time." Stephanie Savir, Aish.com 2. Jewish Mom, Put Down that Pin!: "We are looking for something that is more than a kezayit… (CJ Weisberg explains: a kezayit is approximately 30 grams. Rabbi Shlomo Aviner explains a kezayit is 3 centimetres or a little over an inch square. I personally imagine a mini pretzel) When you're cleaning for Passover, all the goodies in your freezer and cabinets -- bread, cakes, crackers -- all of that is chametz. You have to get rid of it one way or another. But aside from that, you probably won't find much edible chametz in your house. Bedikat chametz [checking for Chametz], therefore, is not so difficult. In the bedrooms, for example, you don't have to sit with a pin scraping the corners!" Rabbi Yitzhak Berkowitz, Aish.com 3. Bring out the Ajax!: "Chametz that is not sold should be removed. If this isn't possible, wet, spray, or pour a strong household cleaner or bleach on the chametz. The detergent must be such that a dog would not eat the chametz after it was treated. Another method is to cover the chametz with strong, sticky tape." Sara Glaser, Innernet.org.il 4. Get out of that Bathtub, NOW!: "Rooms into which chametz is not normally brought need not be thoroughly cleaned, as the chance of finding a piece of chametz the size of a k'zait (3 centimetres or a little over an inch square) is negligible. Chametz which is less than this size may not be eaten of course, but it is not included in the Torah prohibition of "bal yeira'eh" [it should not be seen] (Igrot Moshe Orach Chaim, I: 145, Mishna Brura, and Chazon Ish), especially if one has sold his chametz. Usually, only rooms in which children are allowed to bring sandwiches or cookies are likely to contain such big pieces of chametz." Rabbi Shlomo Aviner, www.RavAviner.com 5. Excellent Advice I Wish I'd Followed LAST YEAR: "One must take care not to hide large pieces of chametz before B'dikat Chametz, in case one of the pieces should get lost" (Responsa Yechaveh Da’at 5:149). Rabbi Shlomo Aviner, www.RavAviner.com (I did not follow Rabbi Aviner's advice last year, and we lost one of the hidden pieces of chametz. It was NOT PRETTY!) 6. Leave those Books Alone! "One must only search for chametz in places in which there is a reasonable chance of finding chametz. It is nearly impossible for an inch square of chametz to be hidden inside a book! If there is a chance that the book has chametz in it, it must be thoroughly checked. However, most books do not need to be cleaned or checked. Cleaning and checking a sample [of your book collection] is sufficient. It is customary not to place books that have not been checked for chametz on the table during Pesach." Rabbi Shlomo Aviner, www.RavAviner.com 7. Cleaning = Family Bonding: "Involve your children in as many ways as possible. The educational aspect of Pesach doesn't begin at the Seder table. It starts many weeks before, when we teach children to stop eating chametz in certain areas of the house, and when we let them help clean and shop. This is not so easy to do unless we're organized and prepared for how children can slow down our progress. Buy little ones sponges to help wipe counters, cabinets, and their own bedroom dressers. Older children can sweep, vacuum and mop. The oldest ones can help cook and shop. Your family can feel like a team coming together to rid the home of chametz and prepare for the exciting Seders and holiday week." Stephanie Savir, Aish.com 8: Sell it, forget about it! "…if the chometz is sold, then washing the pots, pans and dishes which are going to be locked away is not necessary…Any article or place which is not used on Pesach, which is closed up and sold, does not need to be checked for chametz." Rabbi Mordechai Becher, www.Ohr.edu 9. Doing More is Doing Less: "One might be tempted to insist on doing the extra work anyway — to be machmir (stringent). However, in these stringencies lies the grave danger of causing many laxities and brushing aside many mitzvohs completely, including Torah and Rabbinic obligations which women are required to do on Passover and particularly during the Seder. Many women like to do more “cleaning” than the bare minimum, to such an extent, that some even incorporate their general “spring cleaning” into their required pre-Passover chores. These extra exertions should not prevent them from fulfilling their obligations on Passover, and particularly on the Seder night." Rabbi Chaim Pinchas Scheinberg, www.Orchos.org 10. Passover is NOT Tisha b"Av!: "Passover, like every other holiday, must be enjoyed by every member of the family, including women. This is an obligation clearly defined in the Torah as explained by our Sages. We can understand a person dreading Tisha B’Av but Pesach is to be looked forward to and anticipated with joy. Every woman should be well rested, relaxed and alert at the Seder table so that she can fulfill all the Torah and Rabbinic obligations and follow the Haggadah with the rest of the family. Clearly, the performance of her pre- Passover duties must be balanced against her Passover obligations. Pre-Passover cleaning is required to avoid the danger of transgressing any Torah or Rabbinic prohibition of having chometz in the house on Pesach. It is evident from the responsa of the Rosh Hayeshiva shlit"a that this need not be excessive." Rabbi Chaim Pinchas Scheinberg, www.Orchos.org photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Chudo.sveta

woman cleaning window

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 09:58:29 +0000

woman cleaning window

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 10:08:51 +0000

woman cleaning window

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 10:10:14 +0000

Free Inspiration by PHONE

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 10:56:12 +0000
I just discovered a tremendous free resource that I wanted to share with all you moms scouring your homes for Passover-- "The Chazak Inspiration Line" which is a free service providing short inspirational classes/messages by phone. I have enjoyed the daily 4-minute inspirational "Upgrades for the Brain" from Rabbi Zelig Pliskin, the daily inspirational story, personal stories from people who have overcome challenges (for a good cleansing cry as you line your cabinets), lots of great classes from rabbis and rebbetzins about Passover, as well as frequently updated classes on raising children and marital harmony. I enjoy and learn a lot from the recordings (which range from 1-minute to over an hour), and they make the time I spend cleaning FLY. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED for every Jewish mom and non-Mom as well! Here's the phone numbers to listen to the classes: Atlanta: 404-419-7163 Brooklyn: 718-258-2008 Denver: 720-496-4220 Detroit: 313-332-4444 Florida: 786-347-3555 Israel: 03-929-0707 Monsey: 845-356-6665 Passaic: 973-928-0950 Teaneck: 201-645-4650 Toronto: 416-800-0656 Chazak is a free service of the Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user mysealia

woman on phone

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 11:13:41 +0000

Mommy Peptalk: Being a Pesach Mensch

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 11:20:21 +0000
About cleaning for Chametz in our hearts this Passover [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKsZfnxNKqA]

To Baby or Not to Baby

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 10:32:17 +0000
Click to order: http://www.artscroll.com/Books/mtmh.html This post is part of a 7-week series of excerpts from the JewishMOM.com book of the year Mothers to Mothers: Women Across the Globe Share the Joys and Challenges of Jewish Motherhood by Julie Hauser (Artscroll), a collection of honest and colorful interviews with 30 Orthodox mothers sprinkled with insightful and inspiring mothering advice from respected educators and rebbetzins. Enjoy this week's excerpt: To Baby or Not to Baby by Sara Yocheved Rigler I equated parenting with putting my intellect into suspended animation, to be thawed out only at their high-school graduation. Let those cut out for “coochie, coochie, coo” while away a decade of their lives. I despised baby talk. I had invested my entire adult life in pursuing a certain goal — enlightenment. The ashram had taught me that children and spiritual practices were incompatible. Even here, in my rented apartment in the Old City of Jerusalem, I rose early, spent two hours praying the Jewish morning prayers, meditating on the deep import of every word. This regime would be impossible with a crying baby or a meddlesome toddler. I was not willing to throw 17 years of arduous spiritual practice into the diaper pail. In my gut I was still convinced that children and spiritual attainment were mutually exclusive, like children and a clean house. I decided to take my predicament to my ultimate spiritual advisor, the Hassidic Rebbe of Amshonav. The Amshonaver Rebbe embodied the spiritual greatness I was striving to attain. He meditated deeply on every word of every prayer, taking a full two hours to pray the Grace after Meals, which most Jews zip through in five minutes. So long did it take him to complete the extensive Shabbat prayers, with all his Kabbalistic meditations on every word, that he usually ended Shabbat on Tuesday. I had seen the holy Rebbe three times before, always in the middle of the night. The procedure was to request and be granted an appointment on a particular night, then on that night, around midnight, to go to the Rebbe’s tiny third-floor apartment in the Jerusalem neighborhood of Bayit Vegan, and to patiently wait one’s turn. At between 3 and 4 in the morning, the frosted-glass doors to the dining room, where the Rebbe received his visitors, would slide open, and his attendant would gesture to me to enter. When I requested an appointment this time, however, I was informed that the Rebbe was now seeing people only during the day and to be there promptly at 2:45 in the afternoon. The apartment looked totally different with the Rebbe’s family (7 daughters at that time) awake and about. Two daughters with long dark braids passed me on their way to the minuscule kitchen. When the attendant ushered me into the dining room, I noticed a baby in a pink stretchy standing up in a playpen in the far corner of the room. The Rebbe rushed in (he always walks fast) and sat down directly across the dining-room table from me. I was ready with my question: Wouldn’t taking care of babies be an obstacle to my spiritual attainment? But before either of us could speak, the baby in the corner started to wail. “Excuse me,” the Rebbe said, jumping up. He rushed over to the playpen, lifted up the baby, quieted her, carried her back to the table, and sat down again facing me, the baby in his lap. “Now, what was your question?” the Rebbe asked me kindly, both he and the baby peering earnestly at me. My question froze in my mouth. Seeing the holiest person I knew involved in the very activity I disdained made me feel that God Himself was rebutting my argument. I would have to relinquish my sense of control. Children were unpredictable. My schedule to go to bed at 11:30 and get up at 6:30 would not assure me seven hours of sleep, not with teething toddlers, not with nightmare-plagued five-year-olds. No expensive new dress was immune to the stains of chocolate-covered hands. No immaculately cleaned room would withstand ten minutes of ransacking for a misplaced toy. No carefully planned excursion would resist the sheer torture of squabbling adolescents. Two months later, I met a 39-year-old musician from California. We got married a month shy of my 39th birthday. At the age of forty, I gave birth to my first child, a daughter. When I would feed my baby, I felt a sense of total contentment, of potential realized. Being replacing a lifetime of becoming. I would wonder: How could I have ever thought that this is mindless drudgery? I felt like all my creativity was being tapped in order to distract the baby when she got fussy, to stimulate her developing brain, to avoid the pitfalls of parenting. I had administered an organization, written a 640-page book, delivered weekly lectures to adulatory audiences, but nothing I had ever done gave me the sheer joy and satisfaction of raising my baby. Nothing impinged on this heady exultation. Even when I would change her diaper, the activity which had stigmatized motherhood for me, I would be filled with wonder at how the milk which she got from me (itself a miraculous substance) would somehow feed all her diverse millions of cells and then be eliminated through an alimentary system so perfect and elegant in design. As I pinned her clean diaper on (I was an aficionado of cotton diapers), I would feel like I was tripping on love — love for my baby, love for her Creator, love for my blessed, ever so blessed, life. But together with joy and surprise was another feeling: a sense of how close I had come to missing all this. What if I had stayed at the ashram another few years? What if I had not reversed my decision not to bear children? It would have been like having a winning lottery ticket and tossing it out with the credit card receipts and scraps of paper that accumulate at the bottom of my purse. I would never have known that the jackpot was mine. Excerpted from “To Baby or Not to Baby,” by Sara Yoheved Rigler (Aish.com), published with permission. Reproduced with permission from Mothers to Mothers, by Julie Hauser; copyright ArtScroll/Mesorah Publications.

living room TF

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 10:17:34 +0000

dresser TF

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 10:17:56 +0000

doll tinfoil

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 10:18:12 +0000

showerhead TF

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 10:18:34 +0000

toiletries TF

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 10:19:02 +0000

TP TF

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 10:19:18 +0000

bathroom TF

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 10:19:32 +0000

living room TF

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 10:23:09 +0000

dresser TF

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 10:26:55 +0000

doll tinfoil

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 10:32:33 +0000

showerhead TF

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 10:35:07 +0000

toiletries TF

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 10:37:39 +0000

TP TF

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 10:40:44 +0000

Tinfoil Tizzy: Hilarious Passover Cleaning Photos

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 10:42:03 +0000
WANT TO BE A HAPPIER, MORE INSPIRED MOM? CLICK TO JOIN THE JEWISHMOM.COM MAILING LIST Mommy, are we ready for Passover yet? Yes honey, now we are...

bathroom TF

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 10:52:46 +0000

The Passover Hug

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 10:46:41 +0000
I didn't realize how tired I was until I plopped myself down into that white plastic chair by the Western Wall at 10 PM. What a tornado of a day it had been. Kids, house, morning prayers, blog, cooking, cleaning up, friend's bar mitzvah, lunch, Passover cleaning, English homework, Passover shopping, dinner, more cleaning, etc. But despite my hours of work, I still had: … promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep. Yes, I had cleaned that big living room cabinet, but the Weisberg family clean and dirty laundry were still piled as high and comically as Dr. Seuss mountains. Yes, I had carefully pinched the crumbs out of the corner of my desk drawer, but my girls' room still remained an impassable rain forest of tossed clothing, stuffed animals, and chocolate wafers hidden from Eema after every school birthday party (I have 4 daughters with over a hundred classmates between them. You do the math…) Yes, I had analyzed the gritty sand in the pockets of all the winter coats, but while I was doing that my neglected 2-year-old Yoel had spent much of the afternoon crying in protest as he straddled his tricycle pointed demonstratively (for clueless, cleaning Eemas) towards the front door. And sitting there in that white plastic chair by the Wall, I felt the weight of that day, of this hectic month, pull me down like cement blocks into the murky waters of the Hudson. Now that I had finally stopped moving for the first time in recent memory, how would I ever manage to pull myself up out of that chair again? But then I felt something so wonderful. Pure bliss. I felt G-d hug me. "You've been working so hard for Me, so hard for everyone," this grandfather embrace told me. And a tear popped into the corner of eye, at the wonder of being seen for the first time in…. well, I don't even know how long. From within the wonder of that hug, I realized I had been so busy looking at how thoroughly my neighbors were soaping up their chairs on my sidewalk amidst a river of cleanser, and feeling bad about how much cleaner than mine their houses anyway are all year round, that it hadn't occurred to me to stop and say, "Hey Chana, you've been working pretty darn hard too! Be proud!" "Remember this feeling!" I ordered myself. Bring this hug, this oozing warmth through your intestines back to the Dr. Seuss laundry piles and the petrified honey/breadcrumb silverware drawers and the naughty chocolate wafers hidden underneath your daughters' turquoise and yellow smiley pillows. And Passover, Jewish mom, is that hug. Passover teaches us that no matter how far away you feel, every Jew is connected to G-d. So scrub your cupboards and open your arms, Jewish mom, and get ready. You've got a big HUG coming your way. photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Jasmic

hug

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 10:58:18 +0000

Mommy Peptalk: Free Moms

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 10:42:08 +0000
Inspiring thoughts on Passover and true freedom. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwXRGO7LKSs]

3000 Hours=4 Minutes of Passover Miracle

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 09:37:32 +0000
WANT TO BE A HAPPIER, MORE INSPIRED MOM? CLICK TO JOIN THE JEWISHMOM.COM MAILING LIST I have listened to so many amazing classes over the past few weeks in order to get myself into the Passover spirit, but none of those classes on the Exodus from Egypt has come close to moving me to tears of wonder and gratitude as did this little clip from the Prince of Egypt (with all that movie's faults and inaccuracies etc.) It took the animation team at Dreamworks over 3000 hours to make this short scene, and it's still just a teensy honeysuckle-drop of a taste of the unfathomable miracles that G-d made for us when He took us out of Egypt. Thank you G-d for all the miracles You did and do for us every single day! Enjoy and Happy Passover! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIGj1OPRShc]

sponge

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 10:06:34 +0000

Scrubbing and Scouring and Me

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 10:06:54 +0000

Scrubbing, Scouring, and Me: Personal Reflections on Passover Cleaning

During my first three years of college, I lived almost entirely in my mind- thinking my thoughts, reading my newspapers, listening to my classes, having my conversations. I almost never did anything that had any meaningful impact on the world.
It wasn't that I didn't care. I cared so much it hurt. I cared so much that my mind was filled to capacity with worry and apocalyptic visions and depressing thoughts related to the evil and suffering I read about in the morning newspaper, and all of these thoughts left me completely and totally paralyzed. They left me a revolutionary paraplegic. My dreams were so enormous, so vast and mankind-wide in scope that they just hibernated in my mind, stuck like a great blue whale unable to squeeze its way out of a drinking straw. After adopting a traditional Jewish lifestyle during my senior year of college, my life changed in countless wonderful and unexpected ways. But one of the most important ways my life changed is that I finally learned to value the unfathomable power of a single mitzvah. This newfound ability to think small enabled me to act, to do, to squeeze my way out of the drinking straw, and to make a real and meaningful impact on the world. Judaism taught me, at long last, that if you want to fight world hunger, you can start by bringing a pot of soup to a bedridden friend, or by giving a hundred of the thousand dollars you just earned to the local soup kitchen, or by packaging up the leftovers from your birthday party and delivering them to a single-mother who is struggling to pay the rent. Judaism taught me that if you want to bring peace to the world, you can start by emailing your sister whom you haven't spoken with in three years, or by speaking a little more civilly to your downstairs neighbor who plays her TV way too loud, or by saying "good morning" to the woman you have ignored every morning for the past decade in the elevator you share on the way up to your office on the twelfth floor. But what difference can these small actions make when the world is such a terrible mess? The Midrash tells us the story of an idiot and a wise person. G‑d tells both of them that they must learn the entire Torah. The idiot says, "That's like trying to move a mountain into the sea with a single bucket! I'm no dummy! There's no way I can move a whole mountain…I'm not even going to try!" So he fills up one bucket full of rocks, and falls fast asleep. The wise person looks at the mountain and says to himself, "I can't move this whole mountain. But G‑d said to do it, so I might as well give it a try. I'm going to get to work. I have nothing to lose, and anyway I get paid by the bucket!" After the wise person transferred a few buckets full of rock to the sea, it triggered a landslide, and within a minute the whole mountain was swallowed up in one gulp by the sea waiting below. G‑d is waiting for us to make an effort, no matter how small, to improve the world. It is from these micro-efforts, bucket by bucket, that we, with G‑d's help, will be able to perfect the world. And that is what I am thinking about as I clean and prepare my home during these weeks leading up to Passover. Pocket by pocket, lego by lego, drawer by drawer, my home is being transformed. My family is leaving Egypt and making our way, ever so slowly, to the Promised Land. Mitzvah by mitzvah, we are making our way to a perfected world. The great Chassidic Rebbe, the Aish Kodesh, taught that a Jew can only connect with the holy inner essence of Passover through the scrubbing and sorting and cleaning in the days and weeks leading up to Seder night. Just as we cannot feel our internal organs, our hearts, our lungs, our muscles until we move our bodies and we suddenly feel them pumping and beating and straining within us, so, too, we will only be able to experience the hidden holiness and light of Passover after we have moved our bodies and prepared our homes on a physical level. For me, the most glorious moment of the weeks of Passover preparations is when I wake up a few days before Passover and come downstairs to discover my kitchen glimmering with tinfoil, like a space station orbiting Pluto. All of my cleaning, the child's backpack turned inside out and stuffed into the washing machine, the freezer scrubbed, the oven scoured, has brought my home to a whole new spiritual reality- from slavery to freedom. From exile to redemption. Pocket by pocket. Lego by lego. Drawer by drawer. Bucket by bucket, by Seder night we will bring the great mountain crashing down into the sea. Reprinted from Chabad.org Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Alan Cleaver_2000

Rising from the Ashes: Why I Will Never Forget David Chatuel

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 09:07:29 +0000

[caption id="attachment_844" align="aligncenter" width="230" caption="David Chatuel and his wife-to-be Limor at their engagement party."][/caption]

Reprinted from Aish.com by Chana (Jenny) Weisberg

Why I will never forget David Chatuel.
During the bloodiest months of the Intifada, barely a week passed that from my living room I did not hear a bomb explode. The front of the war that was being waged against the Israeli people was not in distant Lebanon, or Syria, or along the Jordanian border. The front was located in the bus my husband rode to work, in the market where I did my Shabbat shopping, and at the neighborhood playground where I spent my afternoons watching my young daughters swing and slide and play. Throughout those scary years, every time I had to exit the front door of our apartment in downtown Jerusalem, I felt as paralyzed with fear as a person forced at gunpoint to walk blindfolded through a minefield. But the terror attack that hit closest to home did not take place in Jerusalem at all. The attack took place on May 2, 2004 when an Arab approached the car of Tali Chatuel and shot her and her four young daughters, point blank, twice in the head, and then riddled their bodies with dozens of bullets. In one moment, David Chatuel, an idealistic elementary school principal and devoted father and husband, was left bereft of his whole family, his 34-year-old wife Tali Chatuel who was in her eighth month of pregnancy with the couple's first son, and his daughters Hila, 11, Hadar, 9, Roni, 7, and Meirav, 2. In one moment, everything had been taken from him, except the impossible and terrible wish that it could have been him instead of them. For weeks following the attack, the image of this beautiful mother, a social worker who worked to rehabilitate terror victims, and her smiling, innocent daughters hung over me day after day. I could not help but remember that Tali Chatuel was only a few months older than me. I couldn't forget that those little girls were almost the same ages and bore such similar names to my own three daughters. I would go to sleep and see their faces, and wake up and see David Chatuel sobbing with his head in his hands at their funeral. Over and over, I thought of this broken man's words mixed with the weeping of the thousands of mourners at the funeral for his wife and daughters, "Tali and my girls, I will never forget you until the day I die. I love you so much. I am left alone. My family has been taken from me. If even one of you was still alive..." Throughout the four years of Intifada that left over a thousand Jews murdered, I had never felt so hopeless, so destroyed. How could I have any hope left when I saw this father weeping like a modern-day Job for his murdered family? How could I have any hope left when we were facing such a cruel and seemingly unstoppable enemy? AFTERMATH For the years following the attack, I did not forget David Chatuel. I heard how in the days following the murders, he was so incapacitated by grief and shock that he was simply unable to speak. I heard how he returned to his work as a respected principal in the southern city of Ashkelon, but that his close friends described him as only a shadow of the man they had once known. Then, a year ago, I heard some wonderful news. I heard that David Chatuel had decided to get married again, to a young woman named Limor Shem Tov. I am sure that I was far from the only person who cried tears of joy when I saw the photograph of him and his fiance, smiling and so dignified, on the front page of the newspaper. At their engagement party, David Chatuel explained, "My wife and my daughters will never be erased. They will always be a part of me, and part of my life. The new home that Limor and I will establish will not replace the home that was destroyed. Rather, our home will be an additional floor upon that home's foundation. " He continued, "After the tragedy, I realized that I had two choices: To fall and to be destroyed, or to continue to live. I chose life." Last week, I heard that David and Limor Chatuel had chosen life once again. On March 15th they became parents to a newborn baby girl, named Techiya, "rebirth" in Hebrew. And what a rebirth this long-awaited baby marks. The rebirth of a broken human being. The rebirth of a decimated family. The rebirth, even, of the Jewish people in the land of Israel. The story of David Chatuel is the story of a life risen from the ashes. Of an impossible dream come true. This is also the story of Passover. LEAPING By the time Moses and Aaron arrived in Egypt to free the Jewish people from slavery, the Jews had sunk very far from their noble beginnings under the leadership of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. After 210 years of humiliation and suffering as slaves, the Israelites had fallen down to the 49th level of impurity. We had become nearly as idolatrous and morally-depraved as the Egyptians themselves. One of the reasons why the holiday is called "Pesach" -- to leap over -- is because of the tremendous leap of faith it took for the Jews to stop despairing and to start hoping. It took a leap of faith for them to flee their Egyptian masters unarmed, into the desert, toward a distant Promised Land, even though the Red Sea lay in front of them ready to swallow them up, and the Egyptian army was quickly approaching from behind. It took a leap of faith for the Jews to believe that even though by all rational standards the future was lost, it most definitely was not. On Passover night 3,000 years ago, a downtrodden nation was reborn when we risked choosing life over hopelessness and fear. Jewish mysticism teaches us that on Seder night, each of has the potential to be spiritually reborn and radically transformed in preparation for the coming year. This is the night to pray to realize your impossible dreams for the coming year -- for the spouse, for the baby, for the job, for the life that has eluded you up until now. On Seder night, God gives each of us the ability to turn our hopes and our most unlikely dreams into reality. Seder night is the night of David, Limor, and little Techiya Chatuel, may they be blessed with all of the Jewish people with only happiness and health. This is the night of hope burnt to the ground and then miraculously risen from the ashes. Of impossible dreams coming true. Shortly after the terror attack, David Chatuel established an organization to honor the memory of Tali and their daughters. Over the past 6 years, Tali bYadRama has provided financial assistance to couples struggling to pay for fertility treatments which has led the births of hundreds of Jewish children.

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JewishMOM.com — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 09:38:30 +0000

Rung by Rung: Climbing the Ladder of Motherhood

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 10:01:51 +0000
Click to order: http://www.artscroll.com/Books/mtmh.html This is the final post of a series of excerpts from the JewishMOM.com book of the year Mothers to Mothers: Women Across the Globe Share the Joys and Challenges of Jewish Motherhood by Julie Hauser (Artscroll), a collection of honest and colorful interviews with 30 Orthodox mothers sprinkled with insightful and inspiring mothering advice from respected educators and rebbetzins. Enjoy this week's excerpts: From the Introduction to Mothers to Mothers by Julie Hauser: The Ladder of Motherhood The women complimented each other on the food they enjoyed at the Sheva Berachos dinner. “Who made the delicious challah rolls?” someone asked. “Chana did.” “How did she have time? Didn’t she just have a baby?” one of the women laughed. Eyes shifted to Chana, who happened to be seated next to me. “Must have been your first baby!” one woman teased, knowing Chana had just given birth to her 12th child. “Oh, no,” Chana answered, in all seriousness. “If it were my first, I never could have done it! I didn’t have anything straight when it was my first.” Several years ago, this scene would have been a mystery to me. I would have wondered: “How could the mother of twelve children find it easier now to bake 35 rolls? Wasn’t it easier when she just had one baby?” However, having grown as a mother and having heard the perspectives of more than 30 women during interviews for this book, I can now understand that no stage of motherhood is simple, everything is new, everything is an adjustment. A new mother watches the world through a lens that shows all other mothers knowing what they are doing, except for her. She is baffled by the fact that tasks and errands that used to take five minutes now take 90 minutes. She might even wonder how anyone can make dinner and brush her teeth on the same day. She may feel daunted by the news that Hashem just appointed her CEO (chief executive officer) of this company, without ever having worked her way up the “corporate ladder.” She is the one in charge, without much experience in fulfilling her responsibilities. It is a scary place at the top, especially when the ladder feels shaky. This book is about constructing, fortifying, and using that ladder. Not for a way for a mother to escape downward, but as a way to make her way up to the next level. This figurative ladder is made of the support systems, attitudes, and perspectives a woman must find — and adjust — for success “at the top.” This book’s aim is to contribute to every mother’s ladder, no matter which stage of motherhood she is currently experiencing. One Mother's Story: Yael I don’t think I’ve amazed myself, but sometimes I’m impressed with myself. Comparing myself to others, which I have done plenty of in the past, is what I call an “outside job.” It is something that only now, years later, I see as the worthless activity that it is. I have judged based on externals: how many children she has, at which age she had them, which schools they went to. Comparing myself to myself along the timeline is a much more fair and truthful endeavor. Really, it is an inside job. In other words, the questions become: How often am I taking a moment to be more patient with a child who is aggravating me, how often do I stop and make eye contact, do I crouch down to my toddler’s level once in a while? ... [Good mothering] is very internal work, and one with results that show up when the children grow older. What one invests when they are seedlings sprouts forth when they emerge, fully themselves. So I’ve learned to leave off the comparing, which is entirely superficial and false, and concentrate on that soul standing right in front of me, waiting to be seen. Rabbi Zechariah Wallerstein: The Ladder: One Step at a Time Yaakov Avinu had a dream of a ladder, not an elevator, not an escalator, not steps. Not a ramp, and not a road. And I guarantee the angels do not really use a ladder. So why did Hashem put a ladder in this dream? Because a ladder is one step at a time... A person has to realize that Hashem doesn’t expect you to fly or to jump. He expects you to climb the ladder of life. It’s one rung at a time. You have to lean your ladder on Him. The Ladder: Always Looking Up The ladder is the only thing that, whether you’re going up or down, you are always looking up. If you go down on a road, down an escalator, down stairs, you look down. You go down a ladder, you go down climbing backwards. Hashem was telling Yaakov: You’re going to go through a lot. No matter what you go through, no matter whether you’re going up or you’re going down, always look up to Me. Hashem is on top of the ladder. Every person should know: you don’t have to be a winner all the time, you don’t have to be the best in the world, you have to climb that ladder one rung at a time, and you have to know Hashem is waiting on top, and you’ll get there. Another thing about a ladder is you never look back at the steps you took already; you look forward. A ladder: you go one rung at a time; your whole body is on the ladder. If you slip, you come down a couple rungs, but you can go back up. But if you turn around, and look back or down, you have to take one hand off the ladder and you end up falling off the ladder. On a ladder, when you climb, you always look forward. So the lesson is — don’t look back. If you look back, you’re halfway through the ladder and you start to think, “I’m done — look how many steps I did, 150 rungs.” You’re going to stop. On a ladder, you’re always looking at how far you have to go, not how far you went. For a person to grow, one must always look up the ladder. You can’t be satisfied with how far you went. Because if you’re satisfied with how far you went, you’re not going to grow anymore. In Judaism, we know there’s no stopping; you either fall or you gain. So on a ladder, you’re always looking for the next rung. One more rung — okay, one more rung — okay. That’s how a person grows. That’s why Hashem showed Yaakov Avinu the ladder. Always look ahead. Don’t live in your past. (I know psychology believes: go backwards, go into your pain, work it out. That’s not Judaism!) Judaism is, learn from your past. People who came out of the Holocaust looked forward. They have children, they have families. If you keep going to the dark place or looking down, you’re going to stay there. Don’t look down; look at what’s ahead of you. Look at what you can accomplish. Look what you can do about the things in which you have no choice. The parents you have and certain things in life are not your choice; your only choice is what to do with it. It is your choice how to look at it, what to do with it. The Ladder: Going Up and Down, but Always Leaning on Hashem Hashem’s saying, “Yaakov Avinu, teach your children: They’re going to go up, and they’re going to go down. And they’re going to go up, and they’re going to go down...It doesn’t say anywhere in the dream: “Yaakov Avinu, I’ll see you on the top of the ladder.” Yaakov Avinu slept and he saw his children, and he saw Eisav go up and Klal Yisrael go down. Klal Yisrael went up, Eisav went down. That’s a Jew’s life. Going up and down. But as long as you know that you’re leaning on Hashem, there’s nothing to worry about. You don’t have to WIN in life! You have to try. Some people say that only losers say “You don’t have to win.” Wrong. Winners talk about not having to win. Winners understand. A real good coach understands. They don’t have to win, but he wants 100 percent from his players. Transcribed from a speech from Kol Haloshon, published with permission from the speaker. Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user krystal.pritchett

ladder

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 10:26:34 +0000

The Top Song of the Decade!

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 28 Mar 2010 08:58:58 +0000
Radio Kol Chai, Israel's most popular religious radio station declared this hit Passover song the BEST SONG of the DECADE! We were especially happy to hear that "Hee She'amda" had won, since it was written by Nachlaot's own Yonatan Razel (AKA Rivki's abba, especially renowned in the Weisberg home for his critically-acclaimed recent concert at Gan Rachel v'Leah, my 4-year-old Moriah's nursery school). Enjoy! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8h0yQZZyXk] Also, enjoy this great, catchy new Pesach tune by the Kerner Family... [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-7ZQMjE9h0]

woman on phone

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 28 Mar 2010 09:26:17 +0000

woman on phone

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 28 Mar 2010 09:27:35 +0000

happy woman day

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 09:34:40 +0000

It's all in Your Mind!

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 09:35:43 +0000
Shalom Jewish moms! It was a wonderful Pesach, but for the whole vacation I was itching to tell you all about the incredible book I read while my kids did arts and crafts at the Bible Lands Museum and more arts and crafts in Hebron, and yet more arts and crafts at Ain Yael. My matzah-munching companion was called It's all in Your Mind: The Jewish Path to Unlocking your Potential by Rabbanit Sara Yosef (the daughter-in-law of Harav Ovadia Yosef Shlit"a). Rabbanit Yosef is a woman on a mission. And her mission is: THINK GOOD AND IT WILL BE GOOD! In her bestselling book, popular workshops, and the feature article last month about her in Mishpacha magazine, she explains that if you wake up sneering at the world, chances are life will sneer right back. If you wake up knowing in your gut that it's going to be a crummy day, then that very day your kids will miss the school bus. You'll fight with your husband over who forgot to pay the telephone bill. Your mother will make you cry bitter tears with a by-the-way comment about the 40 pounds you put on during your last pregnancy, and still haven't managed to lose (and your "baby" is turning 4 this month.) Alternatively, if you wake up and force yourself to THINK POSITIVE, then there's a pretty good chance that your hardships will miraculously disappear. If you wake up, and despite your fighting children with their mismatched socks and the minus in your bank account and the overdue project for your boss, you insist nevertheless on taking a few minutes to imagine what a smooth and joyful day you are about to have, then life will smile right back at you. Here's three incredible real-life examples of positive-thinking in action from It's All in Your Mind: Mrs. R. Yudeikin relates: "I purchased a suit at a store quite a distance from my home. When I returned home and reexamined the suit, I realized the skirt was a size too large for me. I sighed when I realized that returning the skirt would necessitate traveling on two buses to get to the store and three buses to return home again. Because of the cashier's mistake, I would make this exhausting trip just to exchange a skirt. As annoyed as I was, somehow over the next few minutes I managed to calm down and decided to call the store. Before making the call, I told myself aloud, "With G-d's help, this will all work out for the best." To my utter amazement, when I spoke to the store owner he told me that in fact he lived near me, and on his way home he would be more than happy to make a detour to my house to exchange the skirt, My positive words were fulfilled in full." Mrs. G. Gutwein describes: "My five-year-old daughter suffered from chronic bed-wetting. I tried all sorts of treatments but nothing helped. Every night when I went to sleep, the thoughts that accompanied me at bedtime were, "Here comes another unpleasant morning with wet sheets." My daughter was depressed and we were at our wits' end. While participating in a positive-thinking workshop, I came to realize the extent to which negative words and thoughts can prevent a thorny situation from improving. From that moment, whenever negative thoughts about my daughter's situation entered my mind I immediately seized control of myself and, with G-d's help, managed to repeat to myself that my daughter would wake up dry in the morning. Well, the astounding actually happened: within three days, my daughter was totally cured of her bed-wetting problems." Mrs. R. Ben-Amram relates: "My son had been causing me a great deal of grief. He was a yeshivah student who had gradually slacked off and finally left his studies. His spiritual state deteriorated, and he began associating with friends who were totally lacking in discipline. He started coming home very late at night and would sleep until the afternoon. When he finally woke up, he would putter about doing nothing until nighttime, when he would again go out to have a good time with his friends. During the day, I was tense and overwrought because he was sleeping all day and he did not go to pray. He just wasted most of his time. My worrying caused me enormous pressure, and I could not imagine a way out. I decided that what was disturbing me most was my son's returning home late at night. So I began imagining him walking into the house every night at twelve midnight, going to sleep and waking up at a reasonable hour in the morning. For an entire week, I imagined this every spare moment I had and before going to sleep. The following night, the front door opened and in stepped my son at twelve o'clock. Slowly, his situation improved and he began returning home every night at a sensible hour. I am convinced that this is a result of my positive thoughts about him. I then added another goal: I wanted my son to get up in the morning and go to pray in shul. As before, I conjured up an image in my mind, during every spare moment, of how he was waking up in the morning and going to shul. Gradually, this too started happening. I kept on setting small goals that I wanted fulfilled, which led to amazing successes for my son. Afterward, I imagined him finding a suitable job, and that is what happened. After a while, thank G-d, my son ended up returning to study in yeshiva!" Pretty amazing, right? Since reading It's all in Your Mind, I've also been working on thinking more positively, and have found the results quite astounding. Jewish mom, try it out today! To learn more about Rabbanit Yosef, or to order her book and positive thinking CDs, visit her website www.JPThink.com Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Dang Thanh Nam

2-Minute "Life is a Test": Rebbetzin Jungreis

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 09:57:44 +0000
Is there anyone else as inspirational as Rebbetzin Jungreis? Watch below, Rebbetzin Jungreis will lift your spirits with this 2-minute clip on why life has to be so tough... [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1vokEpZGC4]

Mommy Peptalk: Becoming the Mother of your Dreams

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 08:39:44 +0000
Utilizing the unparalleled spiritual potential of the Omer to become the ultimate you. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjcF_9SK0rY]

newborn baby

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 08:59:13 +0000

The Birth Question

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 09:00:18 +0000
WANT TO BE A HAPPIER, MORE INSPIRED MOM? CLICK TO JOIN THE JEWISHMOM.COM MAILING LIST For as long as I can remember, my mother has told me: "The most dangerous day of your life is the day you are born." My mom's a doctor, and has spent many decades learning about everything that can possibly go wrong during a routine labor and delivery. As a child, my mom also lost her only younger sister several hours after she was born. Which provides a pretty good introduction to my own attitude towards birth. My gut reaction to birth is that it is scary, it's dangerous for both mother and baby, birth HURTS. I know that birth is something that we must endure in order to fulfill our G-d-given mission in life as Jewish mothers. I also know that my own 5 births have been, hands-down, the highest spiritual experiences of my life. I have felt G-d's presence so close that I have felt Him breathing with me through every contraction, through every beep of the monitor, and of course, at all 5 of those life-transforming, golden-framed moments when I first held that human bundle of pure beauty and magic and nachas in my arms. But, with that said, if such an option existed, in a blink I would get down on my knees and beg my husband to pretty pretty PRETTY please do this whole birth thing in my place. But not every mother in the world has the same birth bad attitude as me. For the past weeks, I've been experiencing a whole different view of birth in Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Spiritual Midwifery author Ina May Gaskin. In Ina May's eyes, birth can be glorious. Birth can be as natural as walking down the street or singing a song. Birth can take a regular woman and make her into a hero. Birth isn't even so painful, Ina May explains, if experienced with supportive midwives in a loving and positive environment. In fact, under the right conditions and if approached with a positive, fear-free mindset, birth can be a joyful, playful, and even ecstatic experience. The story that has affected me the most in the book so far has been the birth story of Rudy and Julianna, a husband and wife who are both OB/GYNs, who approached their first birth with a great deal of fear and hesitation because of everything they learned in medical school and beyond about the dangers of birth. But in the end, Julianna decides to give birth in Ina May's low-tech birthing center rather than at the hospital where she works, because she comes to believe that hospitals specialize in treating diseases, and therefore hospital doctors generally end up taking the same mistaken approach to birth. But that's a big problem, she explains, since birth isn't a disease. It's natural. It's normal. It's a process that usually proceeds most smoothly and safely when unimpeded by a doctors anxious eye on the clock or by modern medical interventions of various shapes and sizes. Or, as Ina May writes: "Most women need encouragement and companionship more than they need drugs. Remember this, for it is as true as true gets. Your body is not a lemon. You are not a machine. The Creator is not a careless mechanic. Human female bodies have the same potential to give birth well as aardvarks, lions, rhinoceri, elephants, moose, and water buffalo." So all of this reading has given me a whole lot to think about, and believe me, I have been. And now, Jewish mom, I would really love to hear what you think about all this. Please post a comment to share your experiences/opinions/feelings on the topic of topics---BIRTH! Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Planet Chopstick

Real Jewish Moms: Week 39

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 09:19:17 +0000
Pregnant? Jewish? Watch this! This is one of 40 videos in the JewishMom.com Video Series. Click here to find out why these videos have been viewed over 200,000 times by Jewish moms all over the world! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GComvA-WLjI]

WWYD if this was YOUR Husband?

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 09:25:34 +0000
CLICK TO JOIN OUR WEEKLY E-MAIL Wow, this video below is real Jewish mom drama! Untrained husband wants to perform his son's bris. Jewish mom, what would YOU do? [polldaddy poll=3052862] [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ve3z6fwGnU]

Jewish Moms Salute Israel!

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 06:49:11 +0000
I've lived in Israel for 17 years, and until I watched this video I had heard nearly none of these amazing facts about what I now know is (and had previously only suspected is) THE most amazing country on Earth--ISRAEL! Happy 62nd Birthday, Israel, WE LOVE YOU! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGUxzISr9Us]

Mommy Peptalk: The Soldier's Wife

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 10:03:46 +0000
A peptalk from the Gaza War, about the heroism of the family members of Israeli soldiers. [googlevideo=http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3793464102543212960&hl=en#]

Real Jewish Moms: Back in Zion

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 19:14:46 +0000
Why would a nice Jewish mom from Texas move to Israel? Click to see the 40 videos of the JewishMom.com video series (over 200,000 views so far, and counting!) [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0-xRlQMlCo]

Chana Deevon: Midwife of over 30,000 Babies

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 19:40:22 +0000
Chana Deevon The Midwife of Over 30,000 Babies By Chana (Jenny) Weisberg Name: Chana Deevon Birthplace: Halberstadt, Germany Occupation: Midwife Education: Shaarei Tsedek Nursing School, Jerusalem Children: Five Children, Twenty Grandchildren Husband's Name: Elitsur Deevon Husband's Occupation: Lawyer, Formerly Spokesman and Director of Minister's Office at Israeli Interior Ministry Place of Residence: Jerusalem, Israel A senior obstetrician once said that obstetrics is "98% boredom and 2% sheer terror." During my fourth birth, I experienced for the first time in my life what it feels like to be part of that 2% when my baby's oxygen supply was suddenly cut off during the delivery. Thank G‑d, in the end my birth ultimately ended safely and easily, largely because the midwife on duty that night at Jerusalem's Shaarei Tsedek Hospital happened to be none other than Chana Deevon. With forty-six years of midwifery experience and over 30,000 babies under her belt, Mrs. Deevon is almost certainly the most prolific and senior midwife in all of Israel. After the birth, the younger midwives who saw the emergency procedure performed so effortlessly by Chana Deevon explained that I had been extremely fortunate. A less experienced obstetrician or midwife, they pointed out, would not have had the experience to act so decisively and effectively in order to give my birth a happy ending. Afterwards, Chana Deevon stayed with my husband and me, and reminisced about what had inspired her to dream of becoming a midwife for as long as she could remember. She recalled how she was born in Halberstadt, Germany in 1938, where her father, the fifth rabbi from the distinguished Auerbach rabbinic dynasty, served as a congregational rabbi. By that time, Hitler had made it illegal for midwives to deliver Jewish babies, but Mrs. Deevon's mother went into labor with her and her twin brother in the middle of the night, so the local midwife reluctantly agreed to help her when she was reassured that she would not be detected under cover of darkness. It turned out that Chana Deevon and her brother would be the last Jews born in their city, where a vibrant Jewish community had existed for hundreds of years. Soon after she was born, the city's entire Jewish community was transported to the Teresenstadt concentration camp, and Rabbi Auerbach and his wife were on one of the last trains providing transportation for Jews out of Germany, on their way to Palestine with their four young children, ages two, one, and twins aged three months. On that train, Chana Deevon told us, several nuns approached the young rabbi and his wife. Seeing the couple surrounded by their crowd of children, one of the nuns made a disgusted face and pointing at the infant twins, declared, "You should leave these worms here! Why bring them? They will surely die on the way to Palestine anyway!" "I have dedicated my life to saving the lives of Jewish children" On the night that Mrs. Deevon saved the life of my youngest daughter, she told us, "Every Jewish baby that I deliver, I see the face of that nun. At every birth I attend, I think how she said that I would die, and how I have dedicated my life to saving the lives of Jewish children." When I interviewed Chana Deevon this past month, she told me more about her life, love of midwifery, and illustrious career. "I am 69 years old, so my friends are all retired. They ask me, 'Chana, what are you working for?!' I think that many of them think I am crazy. But I love this work! I believe that midwifery is the most joyful, satisfying, and inspiring profession that exists. I come to work today with no less excitement and enthusiasm than I did when I was an eighteen-year-old nursing student volunteering in the old Shaarei Tsedek Hospital delivery room. As long as G‑d continues to give me the strength to work as a midwife, I will!" "When I was starting out as a midwife as a girl in my early twenties," Mrs. Deevon continued, "midwifery was very different. There were no monitors and no ultrasounds. I would be the only midwife on duty, and there was no obstetrician in the hospital to step in during emergencies like there is today. I remember in those early days delivering the large baby of a diabetic mother when the baby's head got stuck during the birth. I ran to the general doctor on duty, and he yelled at me, "I don't know what to do! You are the midwife! You take care of it! It was absolutely terrifying." Today Shaarei Tsedek is Jerusalem's most popular delivery room. They have state of the art medical equipment, several midwives on duty at all times, and there are attending obstetricians 24 hours a day. Nowadays, though, the challenges are different. Back then there were only 100 deliveries a month, now there are close to a 1,000! That means that today there is much more pressure on the midwives than ever before. "Being a midwife comes with a tremendous amount of responsibility. We must make life or death decisions constantly. To this day, every time I return home from a shift at the hospital I say, 'Thank You, Master of the Universe, that the whole shift passed in peace.'" Chana Deevon with one of the 30,000 babies she has delivered Mrs. Deevon also reflected on the challenges of having a demanding career at the same time that she was committed to being a devoted mother to her five children. "My home and family were always my top priority. I was determined that my children should always have a mother at home, and that they wouldn't suffer from my career, so in those early years I would only work the night shift. This was hard on me. I would leave for work at 11 PM, and return home at 7 AM to send my children off to school. It's true, I slept very little, but at least it wasn't hard on my children. I think that my children were very proud to have a mother who was a midwife when they saw the many thank-you letters and phone calls that I received from the women I helped." An unexpected bonus of having a mother who is midwife is that Mrs. Deevon has been able to deliver nineteen out of her twenty grandchildren (the twentieth was born abroad). "Delivering my grandchildren has been, hands down, one of the most exciting and moving experiences of my life. My daughters and daughters-in-law come from all over Israel for their births so that I can deliver their babies. My oldest granddaughter who is newly married told me, "You must promise me that you will not retire until I give birth!" Chana Deevon is especially proud that this same 21-year-old granddaughter volunteered with her for two years in the Shaarei Tsedek delivery room, and was so impressed by the first birth she attended that she decided to start training to become a midwife in order to follow in her grandmother's footsteps. Mrs. Deevon told me with a big smile, "One grandmother recently told me that I have delivered four generations of her family members. I sometimes feel like I know 90% of the people in Jerusalem. Today I went to the grocery store, and I was stopped by three women on the street who told me that I had delivered their babies. I love when that happens!" "There is no aspect of midwifery that I don't like," Chana Deevon explained at the end of our interview. "Of course, there are difficult, even tragic moments in this line of work, when I must deliver a baby who died in utero or when a baby is born very sick. But what continues to motivate me after all these years is my desire to bring more life into the world, and to save more and more lives. As Jews we know that there is absolutely nothing more important than that." Reprinted from Chabad.org

chana deevon

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 19:42:02 +0000

Rivka bat Yael Razel

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 10:01:01 +0000
I was planning to spend this morning with my kids at the playground, distracting them until our annual Independence Day Barbecue in Sacher Park late this afternoon. And then at 8 AM the phone rang... Terrible news. The oldest daughter of Yael and singer Yonatan Razel (whose hit song "Hee She'amda" I posted right before Pesach) fell last night from the porch of their home while the family was watching Independence Day fireworks. 4-year-old Rivki Razel is now hospitalized at Hadassah Hospital in critical condition, and desperately in need of our prayers. If you are like me, you receive a bunch of requests to pray for injured or sick people every week. Maybe you tend to ignore these requests. But this is a girl who isn't just a name. She is the beloved daughter of the person whose music has inspired you and Jews all over the world. She is also one of my 5-year-old daughter Moriah's dearest friends. The Razels are an extremely special family. Rivki's mother, Yael, comes as close as I have ever seen to the ideal of human goodness. I have known her for years, and I cannot recall having ever heard a negative word coming out of her mouth, about anything or anyone. If I pick up the phone and it is Yael Razel calling, I know for sure that it is because she is calling regarding a mitzvah--organizing a new playground for the neighborhood children, organizing Psalms for someone who is sick, planning meals for a sister-in-law who just gave birth. For the last few years, Rivki's father Yonatan has dedicated half his day to Torah study at a local yeshiva, and his remaining time to creating and performing music that manages on a nearly unprecedented scale to bring Israelis, secular and religious alike, closer to their Creator. And Rivki herself? What a good girl, a special girl. I will never forget how one day at the beginning of the year my Moriah was upset in nursery school, and the next day Rivki decided to bring Moriah a chocolate bar to cheer Moriah up (it did). And that's the kind of girl she is-- a striking mixture of her tsaddekes of a mother and her tremendously creative and dynamic father. So please take a moment to read Psalm 20 below for a speedy and complete recovery for RIVKA BAT YAEL (please forward this name and psalm to your mailing lists) לַמְנַצֵּחַ, מִזְמוֹר לְדָוִד. יַעַנְךָ יְהוָה, בְּיוֹם צָרָה; יְשַׂגֶּבְךָ, שֵׁם אֱלֹהֵי יַעֲקֹב. יִשְׁלַח-עֶזְרְךָ מִקֹּדֶשׁ; וּמִצִּיּוֹן, יִסְעָדֶךָּ. יִזְכֹּר כָּל-מִנְחֹתֶךָ; וְעוֹלָתְךָ יְדַשְּׁנֶה סֶלָה. יִתֶּן-לְךָ כִלְבָבֶךָ; וְכָל-עֲצָתְךָ יְמַלֵּא. נְרַנְּנָה, בִּישׁוּעָתֶךָ-- וּבְשֵׁם-אֱלֹהֵינוּ נִדְגֹּל; יְמַלֵּא יְהוָה, כָּל-מִשְׁאֲלוֹתֶיךָ. עַתָּה יָדַעְתִּי-- כִּי הוֹשִׁיעַ יְהוָה, מְשִׁיחוֹ: יַעֲנֵהוּ, מִשְּׁמֵי קָדְשׁוֹ-- בִּגְבֻרוֹת, יֵשַׁע יְמִינוֹ. אֵלֶּה בָרֶכֶב, וְאֵלֶּה בַסּוּסִים; וַאֲנַחְנוּ, בְּשֵׁם-יְהוָה אֱלֹהֵינוּ נַזְכִּיר. הֵמָּה, כָּרְעוּ וְנָפָלוּ; וַאֲנַחְנוּ קַּמְנוּ, וַנִּתְעוֹדָד.יְהוָה הוֹשִׁיעָה: הַמֶּלֶךְ, יַעֲנֵנוּ בְיוֹם-קָרְאֵנוּ 1. For the conductor, a song of David. א. 2. May the Lord answer you on a day of distress; may the name of the God of Jacob fortify you. ב. 3. May He send your aid from His sanctuary, and may He support you from Zion. ג. 4. May He remember all your meal offerings and may He accept your fat burnt offerings forever. ד. 5. May He give you as your heart [desires], and may He fulfill all your counsel. ה. 6. Let us sing praises for your salvation, and let us assemble in the name of our God; may the Lord fulfill all your requests. ו. 7. Now I know that the Lord saved His anointed; He answered him from His holy heavens; with the mighty acts of salvation from His right hand. ז. 8. These trust in chariots and these in horses, but we-we mention the name of the Lord our God. ח. 9. They kneel and fall, but we rise and gain strength. ט. 10. O Lord, save [us]; may the King answer us on the day we call. May Hashem bless the Razel family and the entire Jewish people with GOOD NEWS!

Reflections on Rivka bat Yael: The Miracle of a Boring Day

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 09:41:23 +0000
CLICK TO JOIN OUR BI-WEEKLY E-MAIL After my last mailing about Rivka bat Yael Razel, I was flooded with Emails from mothers all over the world saying that they were praying for little Rivki and requesting updates about her condition. I apologize that it will be hard for me to answer every Email personally, but as of today Rivki's doctors at Hadassah Hospital's ICU are hesitantly optimistic. Rivki is currently being kept in a medically-induced coma for several days in order to enable her brain optimal healing for the long road to recovery ahead, but this morning her doctors allowed Rivki to partially exit the coma in order to check her condition, and thank G-d she began moving a little bit-- which is a hopeful sign. This all means that Rivki's condition is stabilizing but she is still in critical condition. These early days are critical for Rivki's long-term prognosis, and the parents are begging us to continue praying every day for RIVKA BAT YAEL. I have to say that I have rarely seen such a tremendous outpouring of concern and prayer for a sick person. Yesterday I sent all of my girls with Rivki's name to add to their class' list of people in need of prayer, but by the time my girls got to school Rivki's name had already been written on every single board in the school by girls who had heard about Rivki's accident on the radio and from the newspaper! In the merit of all these sincere prayers, May G-d bless little Rivki with a speedy and complete recovery! This morning I turned the corner on my way home from Moriah's nursery school, and I began to cry. And then a lead weight flew out of nowhere directly onto my lungs. Hyperventilation, call the ambulance! Mother freaking out here. A mother crossing the street through the middle of rush hour traffic, finally feeling the full weight of this surreal and tragic week. This past Tuesday morning I woke up and my top concern was how I was going to get through that long school-less day with my bored, fighting kids, but by 9 AM that didn't even rank in my top 100 worries. By 8 AM I had heard that Moriah's good friend and nursery school classmate Rivki Razel was in critical condition in Hadassah Hospital following a freak accident, and a few minutes later Josh told me that my mother-in-law's wonderful, incredible mensch of a husband, Peter, has a tumor in his pancreas. So since Tuesday morning, that's what's been going on. And I keep on thinking one thing over and over... I keep on thinking that the greatest blessing in life and also the one that we tend to take for granted more than any other in the world is the unsurpassed blessing of a boring day. Today, how I long for a boring Thursday morning, like last Thursday morning, when I dropped Moriah off at the Rachel v'Leah Nursery School with its 26 healthy little girls watching the new goldfish and doing puzzles and looking at books in the reading corner, and then had my weekly post-drop-off chat with Rivki Razel's grandmother about our Shabbat plans as we walked together up Betsalel Street. And how I long for one of those boring, regular weekly Emails from my mother-in-law about the canoe trip she and Peter went on together, accompanied by a photo of a Canadian loon couple with their baby. The miracle of a boring day. The miracle of rolling out of bed in the morning able to breathe, able to speak, able to walk. The miracle of a sturdy house with four standing walls. And the incomparable miracle of a bunch of healthy children to dress, feed cornflakes to, and to greet when they walk in through the door and throw their backpacks for the thousandth time plop into the middle of the front hall that afternoon. Please G-d, please G-d, bless me and all of us Jewish moms with the miracle of boring days, and the wisdom to appreciate them when we have them, and not just when they've slipped away. photo courtesy of Flickr.com user freeparking

mother child boredom

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 09:50:02 +0000

mother child boredom

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 20:12:04 +0000

This Week's Mommy Peptalk: Rivka bat Yael

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 10:01:55 +0000
What every Jewish mom can learn from the tragic accident of Rivka bat Yael Razel. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhxjGCn-dWE]

women talk

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 08:32:54 +0000

Who is Chana Jenny Weisberg, Anyhow?

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 09:00:27 +0000

Have you ever wondered who is this Chana Jenny Weisberg, anyhow? And why does she write all these JewishMOM articles and make all these JewishMOM videos and send me all these inspirational JewishMom newsletters? If you've ever asked yourself these questions, here you go: Everything you ever wanted to know about me, but were afraid to ask...ENJOY!

Reprinted with permission from the newly-released book Women Talk: Jewish Women around the World Speak about their Lives, Challenges, and Accomplishments by Debbie Shapiro (Shaar Press)

CHANGING THE WORLD — ONE DIAPER AT A TIME by Debbie Shapiro I looked in the mirror and saw a loser: nothing but a simple housewife. I had been brainwashed to believe that if a woman is not making money and working outside the home, she’s just wasting her life.” Chana Jenny Weisberg

The first time I met Chana Jenny Weisberg was at a N’shei evening that she was hosting in her home — a century-old historic building in the center of Jerusalem. I had read several of her articles and seen her books, Expecting Miracles and One Baby Step at a Time, on display at the local bookstores. I was thrilled to meet another writer and to have an opportunity to “talk shop.” I discovered a young woman with a clear mission in life: to make women aware that motherhood is an accomplishment. Or, to put it humorously, “Mothers are changing the world — one diaper at a time!”

I was thrilled at the opportunity to interview Chana. I found myself naturally gravitating toward her; despite the age difference, I felt a strong affinity with her. I truly admire the way she’s making women aware that the floors can wait, the laundry can wait, the cake for Shabbos can wait, but the time spent with a child will never wait. It’s like a rainbow or a ray of sunlight, which can never be captured and stored away for a more convenient time. And those precious moments are creating something much more significant than anything else we can do. (I had to remind myself of this when my daughter asked me to pleeeeease watch my granddaughter tomorrow morning, during my precious writing time). Yes, we are privileged to know this intellectually, but we need to be reminded of it again and again — and again. This is especially true in today’s world, in which motherhood is frowned upon and intelligent women focus on professional advancement while leaving their children with a babysitter, who, however well qualified, will never substitute (and what mother would want them to?) for a mother’s love and care.

[Chana explains]

I grew up in a high-powered family. Both of my parents are doctors; I went to a private school; I grew up knowing that someday I would have a career. My brother graduated from Harvard Law at the top of his class, [and my sister received a PhD in chemistry from University of Chicago, and I, like my siblings, had sky-high high career aspirations for myself.] Instead, five years after my college graduation, I found myself a mother.

How did your life path take you from future career woman to full-time mother? I didn’t grow up in a religious home. I wasn’t interested in traveling to Israel; I wanted to go someplace exotic, like Nepal. In college, I majored in the Russian language and political science, and was planning to spend my junior year in the Soviet Union. But that year, 1991, the political situation in the Soviet Union was extremely unstable and my mother strongly suggested that I change my plans. My grandmother had put aside money for each of her grandchildren to travel to Israel. She was a devoted Zionist — in the thirties, she’d taught Hebrew in the New York City public-school system — and wanted us to be connected Jewishly. I thought that if I were to go to Israel, I could use my Russian to work with the new Russian immigrants. I came to Israel and immediately fell in love with the country.
At first I lived with a family friend, but eventually I had to find another place to stay. I went to the Old City and saw a sign for the Jewish Student Information Center — Jeff Seidel’s place. I wasn’t at all religious at the time, but I thought, “Well, I’m a Jewish student. Maybe they can give me information.” I told them that I was
looking for a place to live, and they told me that I could stay at Neve Yerushalayim. I was suspicious about studying in an Orthodox place , so I said, “Well, I can’t go to any classes. I’m very busy. I

go to ulpan and I do volunteer work with the Russians.” They said that I could live at Neve without taking classes, so I agreed. But once I moved there, I was fascinated — and enrolled as a full-time student.

I eventually met my husband through a mutual friend, and two years after we were married I became a mother. But although I was religious and creating a family, I still very much had the mindset of a professional. I had no idea how to view what I was doing; I felt as if I were a total loser. I looked in the mirror and saw a loser: nothing but a simple housewife. I had been brainwashed to believe that if a woman is not making money and working outside the home, she’s just wasting her life.

Interestingly enough, my parents really approve of what I am doing. A few years ago, my mother said to me, “Maybe you’ll stay at home until all your children are in first grade.” My mother sees that my staying at home is good for my children, and for me too. To strengthen myself, I became fixated on the topic of motherhood. I began attending lots of classes and reading anything I could get my hands on about the subject. I was totally focused on this one topic, and I still am. Because of that, I started producing articles, and later short videos, to spread the things that I learned.

Before I had my first child, I realized that although I was taking care of my physical needs — taking all the proper blood tests, ingesting the right amount of vitamins — I had no idea of the Jewish way to anticipate a new family member. I looked at other Jewish mothers and thought, “Those women must know something that I don’t.” So I interviewed women about their experiences. Expecting Miracles was the product of those interviews. It’s a very popular book and has sold a lot of copies.

What did you glean from the interviews? Many women spoke about how a woman should work hard on her middos [being a better person] and do extra mitzvos, because in that way she impacts her future children’s neshamos [souls]. One of the women I interviewed, a very high- powered Yale graduate and a former lawyer, said that she realized that in becoming a mother, she was more powerful than she had ever been, because she had become a vessel of the A-lmighty. When I first began writing this book, I was working toward a Master’s degree from Hebrew University. I viewed this work as something like a sociological study: I was an outsider looking in. I was an observer, interviewing these curious specimens of a religious society. But as I continued working on the project, I realized that I was getting pulled into it. I realized that I am a frum woman, and that these women are me! This totally changed the outlook of the book. It was a very important transition for me, personally. I began to identify myself as part of the community, rather than as an outsider looking in. I learned that my very being is a religious person, not just a person who does the mitzvos and wears the long skirts.

After Expecting Miracles was published, the natural progression was for me to write about motherhood, the parenting process. I went to parenting classes. That was a whole new world for me. I learned that a mother is a mother forever.

A wise Rebbetzin once told me that a person must do whatever she needs to do to be a better mother. Some women need to get out to work. They need to feel fulfilled in the workplace. Other women are at their best staying home with the children. But whether a woman works or stays home, the main focus should be her family. It’s very important for me to have my creative time in the morning, the few hours that I spend writing my articles or books, or producing the motherhood videos...

How did you become involved in producing videos?

I’ve been working on producing videos for the last two and a half years, and I’ve received tremendous feedback. One Rebbetzin in New York told me that she had been working with a baalas teshuvah who was ambivalent to the idea of having a family. The Rebbetzin told her to watch my videos, and after that, her entire outlook changed! I recently met a mother on the street, and she told me,

“We always think that being a mother is just something that we do. But when I watch your movies, I realize that I’m doing something

very, very important!”

These films have been viewed over 200,000 times! I don’t know if the viewers are religious or not, but even religious people need validation that what they’re doing is very, very important. Motherhood needs good PR; after all, it’s received terrible PR in the secular world. When most people hear the term “Jewish mother” they think of jokes about an overprotective, bossy woman whose greatest joy is

making her children feel guilty. I want to change that. I want people to understand that a Jewish mother is creating a mikdash me’at [The Holy Temple in miniature], and through that she is doing the most important thing in the whole wide world!

What are your plans for the future?

I’m not sure, but above my computer I wrote a three-point mission statement: my three goals.

I’ll start with the last one first. I want to use my different creative projects to be a shlichah [agent] for Hashem. I feel that Hashem guides me in the most unforeseen ways. Who would have thought that I would produce videos? But Hashem guided me to it, and it’s a wonderful kiruv [Jewish outreach] tool.

My second goal it to be connected with those things that are eternal: Am Yisrael [the Jewish people], Toras Yisrael [the Torah], and Hashem. I am constantly asking Hashem to guide me. I try to figure out what He wants from me; does He want me to write that article? Am I more interested in making a lot of money or in helping people come close to Hashem?

And my first and foremost goal is to create a thriving, happy, close, and healthy family.

How do you plan to accomplish that?

The most important thing for a happy family is a happy mother. It is crucial that a mother take care of herself; that she figure out what she needs to be happy and to thrive, and then get it [within reason, of course!]. Women sometimes feel that, to be good mothers, they must be martyrs. Instead, they should take a step back and ask, “What do I need to be healthy? What do I need to thrive?” When you enter a home with a thriving mother, the atmosphere is positive. But imagine entering a home where the mother is miserable and feels like a victim, like the family servant. What a terrible atmosphere for the children to grow up in! In one of my videos, the mother being interviewed quoted a famous expression, “If Mommy’s unhappy, no one is happy.” I truly believe that.

We need to take responsibility for our own happiness. That means putting our lives in order and then deciding what we need to be happy. Instead of complaining, “My husband doesn’t help me,” or “My boss dislikes me,” we have to stand up and state what we need, and then make it happen. Make a list of the ten things you need to thrive, and then make every effort to get them! In raising our families, in doing all the mundane things that we do over and over and over again to keep our homes running smoothly, we are creating something eternal!...

Jewish Moms' Top 10 Tips for a Drug-Free Pain-Free Birth

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 10:07:22 +0000
CLICK TO JOIN OUR BI-WEEKLY E-MAIL Two weeks ago I asked for recommendations based on your own birth experiences about how to make birth easier and better...Here are some of the highlights from the amazing tips you moms sent in: Tip #1: Hypnotherapy CD by Shawn Gallagher Midwife L says: I would like to tell everyone that birth can be relatively painless and deeply beautiful. For my births I used an incredible hypnotherapy CD from the hypnotherapist Shawn Gallagher‏. See her website: www.ChildbirthJoy.com. The CD contains birthing suggestions, quick self-hypnosis, and pregnancy relaxation. The woman who made the CD says if one does not have time to listen to the CD during the day, just put it on when you go to sleep at night. It will work on your subconscious while you are asleep. That’s exactly what I did and…it worked beautifully. Tip #2: The Mongan Method Hypobirthing Book/CD Set Sari says: Another hypnobirthing CD is from the Hypnobirthing book/CD set by Marie Mongan (http://www.hypnobirthing.com ) Many women can find Hypnobirthing classes in their cities- if I could find one in rural NH, I know they must be everywhere!... I had a natural, drug-free VBAC birth with my second baby. One thing that really struck me about the sensations of childbirth is that to me it wasn’t scary b/c I knew it was not pathological, I knew it was serving a purpose. In addition, the relief between the pain of the contractions was so beautifully the opposite-of-pain that it was pure bliss. Really being able to relax in between the work of contractions was very helpful to me. Tip #3: Get Empowered about the Birth! Tamar says: Thank G-d, I have been blessed with 2 births so far…What I believe helped me the most during my labors was feeling EMPOWERED. I got to this place by reading a lot about labor. I highly recommend Rachel Broncher’s book “A Labor of Love.” I... wrote up my own Birth Plan and jotted down a few important notes on an index card to give to my midwife at the hospital. My midwife was amazing and complied to all my requests…even dimming the lights in the delivery room! My one piece of advice is that you must take birthing into your own hands and not succumb to the hospital all the time…you are your best advocate! Although there is so much about birthing that is out of our control…there is still a lot in our control, especially our own positive thinking and affirmations that we instill in ourselves to ensure an amazing labor. And [don't forget to] daven, daven, daven!! Tip #4: Let go of Fear Doula Ruchi says: I agree with all the other posters that birth is a very individual experience and that everyone needs to make their own choices. There is no one way that is right for everybody. However, what is universal is the need for a woman to let go of all her fears of pregnancy and childbirth etc. The message we get that birth is painful, something we need to “endure” etc. is very deeply rooted in most of us. When we are tense, we stop breathing and clench all our muscles. We are essentially fighting the natural labor process of opening up. If we could find a way to be calmer- with the help of a doula or other support person, or through breathing, relaxation CDs or whatever works for you- it would allow our bodies to relax and allow the process of childbirth to unfold. Things would go much smoother and we could finally see that our bodies were indeed created for this. For more information, go to http://www.frumdoula.blogspot.com Tip #5: G-d's Name Chana says: During my 3rd birth, when the contractions got really strong and I didn't know how to cope with them, a friend told me to concentrate on the 4 letters of G-d's name "Yud Heh Vuv Heh." During each contraction I would say these letters over and over to myself, and the pain-relieving effect was nothing short of miraculous. It really took away the pain. This has worked just as miraculously during the 2 births I've had since. I also find it really helpful during the contractions to focus on different Torah verses recommended by Rabbi Ginsburg. They help me to really feel how G-d is helping me through the birth, rather than on the intensity of the contractions. I would also recommend to every mom to go to the birth with a Doula/ Labor Coach. Even if you plan to get an epidural the moment you get into the delivery room, or plan to go to the birth with your husband, I cannot stress enough how much easier and better birth is when you go with a woman who can provide a positive, calming, and confident been-there-done-that presence during your birth. I experienced my first 2 births without a doula, and the following three births with, and I will never ever go again without a doula! Tip #6: Listen to Positive Birth Stories Adi says: …I wonder if more women were exposed to positive, enthusiastic, embracing stories about childbirth and experienced less fear and anxiety about it, if they would in turn be more calm and well prepared emotionally, psychologically, intellectually, and physically for birth, and then in turn have happier, calmer, more positive birth experiences themselves? Tip #7: The Bradley Method Elana says: If you want to really get the specifics on how to realize labor and birth not as a process of pain and agony but as a gorgeous, natural transition where you get to meet and see your baby and help bring him/her into the world after 10 months of being inside your body, read an instructional book about The Bradley Method. It’s full of drawings of what is going on in the woman’s body during labor so that you have a clear mental picture of what to focus on. It gives exercises to practice so that you go into labor totally prepared about how to handle the strong sensations of the uterine muscles flexing. (It’s supposed to be husband-coached childbirth but I did it on my own — for my MD husband it’s a little too hippie-dippie and he kept laughing through the exercises. Hey — you gotta know what you have to work with!) It’s amazing how mind over matter can influence one’s experience, turning it from scary to positive and totally under control…The Bradley Method is a very effective way to actualize the inspiration and have a great, natural birth, G-d willing. Tip #8: EFT Rachael Leah says: I imagine birth to be a joyful, supportive, ecstatic experience for women, and there are so many tools out there to help laboring women to stay relaxed and calm during the birth process. I highly recommend Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), which I used a lot during my second pregnancy and labor to help release my fear and anxiety…EFT and Hypnobirthing together was just such a great combination, really helping me feel calm and empowered during the labor. Afterward I kept saying how I felt like a mother lion, powerful and great, guiding this huge amazing process going on inside me, focused completely on me and the baby, it was such a huge amazing experience! I would NEVER have traded it for ANYTHING – no way! Tip #9: Do Yoga Michelle says: Giving birth to my daughter is one of the best memories I have…Every time I pass the hospital I feel a rush of joy and gratitude wash over me as I remember that amazing day. My advice: Do yoga at least 3-4 days/week your entire pregnancy. I did it up until the day of the birth (I was literally in yoga class a couple hours before my water broke, a week overdue), and this allowed most of the labor to progress pain-free. Tip #10: Read Ina May "Mother in Jerusalem" says: Ina May Gaskin (www.InaMay.com) is my birthing guru/rebbe/muse/hero/whatever you want to call it. Giving birth to my daughter was probably the most amazing experience of my life yet, and I think that reading “Spiritual Midwifery” and “Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth” and hearing Ina May speak about two months before I gave birth helped me experience birth in this way… Anyway, I want to tell everyone that my labor was NOT PAINFUL AT ALL!!!! I would instead say that it was intense and something that I had to focus all of my attention and energies on, but it basically felt like I was riding waves, and if I breathed the right way, I could just kind of ride the waves peacefully. Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Renske

newborn baby

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 07:49:55 +0000

baby girl

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 07:50:18 +0000

heart monitor

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 08:39:56 +0000

Rivka bat Yael Update: Deja Vu

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 08:40:40 +0000
Thank you to all of you holy moms for your ongoing concern and prayers for 4-year-old Rivka bat Yael Razel, who is still in Intensive Care following her accident last week. For all of you who have requested updates on Rivki's condition: this has been a rollercoaster week for Rivki and her parents (whom we should also keep in our prayers, Yael bat Chava and Yonatan Adi ben Rachel, that they should be blessed with strength and faith during this incredibly challenging time). After doctors released Rivki from her medically-induced coma on Sunday, her condition improved somewhat. But yesterday Rivki required emergency brain surgery yet again. Thank G-d, as of this morning her condition had stabilized, and her doctors are generally optimistic about her long-term prognosis. But Rivki remains in critical condition and is still desperately in need of our prayers! Please make sure to recite at least one psalm a day for a complete recovery for Rivka bat Yael. If you are interested in committing to reading the Song of Songs before dawn for Rivki (a tremendous segula for miraculous healing) or reciting Psalms every day for her recovery, please contact trilling@netvision.net.il Déjà vu. This whole week since Rivki Razel's accident, my husband and I have been trying to figure out why we feel like we've been here before. Why we feel like we've feared these same fears, experienced this same obsessive concern, and fought this same exact battle with despair that comes when a neighborhood child is in the ICU. And I realized yesterday that we feel like we've been here before, because we have been. We've been here a few times, in fact, and the reason we don't clearly remember that we were ever here is because we have seen miracles with those hospitalized children. 8 years ago, Yedidya Witt was in a coma after he fell 3 stories at his junior high school, and people around the world prayed and prayed that he should live and recover. And today Yedidya is a devoted husband, father, and gifted rabbinical student with no remaining traces of the terrible ordeal he experienced. 9 years ago, at the age of 2 weeks, Eden Sasson was also fighting for her life on account of a rare and devastating heart defect. But after a week in a coma, 8 hours of delicate heart surgery, and again, prayers recited all over the world for her survival and good health, Eden experienced a complete recovery, and today she is a 100% healthy, bright, and adorable 3rd grader. Yesterday I ran into Eden's mother, Shuvi, and we were talking, of course, about Rivki. Any updates? Any news? And then Shuvi reminded me of a conversation that I didn't remember we ever had from nine years ago. Shuvi said, "Do you remember when Eden was in the hospital, and I ran into you on the street? You blessed me that Eden should have a quick and complete recovery. And I told you that while I also hoped we would soon have this experience behind us, I also hoped I would never ever forget what it felt like to have a child in the ICU." Shuvi continued, "You asked me why I didn't want to forget those weeks fighting for Eden's life, so I explained that while that experience with Eden was the hardest one of my life, it was also in a way the most important, because during those terrible weeks I experienced a kind of clarity I had never felt before..." "During those terrible weeks I knew as clearly as I know my name that there is nothing that matters in the world besides family and good health, and I didn't just feel, I KNEW, that G-d runs the world, and that everything is in His hands at every single moment..." My teacher, Rabbanit Yemima Mizrachi, gave little Rivki a beautiful blessing last week. She said that a person's name, and especially a name from the Torah, shapes who they are. And just like little Rivki Razel, our mother Rebecca, Rivka Imenu, was the only character in the whole Torah to fall. She fell from her camel when she saw her intended husband, Isaac. What a scary moment! But Rivka Imenu rose up from that difficult fall, and she thrived and grew up to become one of the greatest women in Jewish history, a matriarch who established the entire Jewish nation. In the merit of all the prayers being said all over the world for little Rivka bat Yael Razel, may Rivki soon also rise up in complete health with a miraculous recovery. Amen! Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user brykmantra

Mommy Peptalk: The Slonimer Rebbe and Simple Joys

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 03 May 2010 09:32:43 +0000
Reflections on my son's first haircut by the Slonimer Rebbe, and the simple joys of motherhood. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2Fjn90cjKk]

Women's Wisdom

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 04 May 2010 09:23:11 +0000

Rabbi Arush's Garden of Emuna has already sold over A MILLION COPIES! It's also one of my favorite books of all time. So last summer when I heard that Rabbi Arush had written a new book called Women's Wisdom especially for women, I ran, didn't walk, to buy it and read it ASAP.

And Women's Wisdom was well worth the dash to the bookstore. Reading Women's Wisdom was like discovering Garden of Emuna all over again. So simple. So revolutionary. So amazing.

And now, Women's Wisdom is available in ENGLISH too! ENJOY this video about and excerpt from the newly-released translation by Garden of Emuna translator extraordinaire Rabbi Lazer Brody (http://lazerbrody.typepad.com) that I hope will make every single Jewish mom reading this hold her head a lot higher today!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ama9L8qnk7k]

from the newly-released Women's Wisdom

by Rabbi Shalom Arush
Any portrait by Monet or DaVinci is lauded for its intricate beauty. The overwhelming attention to detail, the specific hues, the color combinations and the overall artistic effort are mind-boggling. These artists surely deserve credit for their masterpieces. But ultimately, what they've accomplished is but a mere fraction of what any mother- you- can accomplish. Even the most famous masterpiece in the world is a beautiful, but stagnant and lifeless canvas. Now, imagine that the mother is the artist and the child is her work of art. If such praise is awarded to artists for their work, how much more should we be praising and rewarding mothers for what they do! They painstakingly and lovingly mold their children, and provide them with a nourishing base from which they can connect to Hashem and grow to become outstanding people. Mothers deserve far more credit than any mere artist. A mother enables her child to live a beautiful, meaningful life. An artist merely paints an illusion of meaning and beauty. The fact that you have the ability to bring such light into the world should always be a source of strength and inspiration to you. Times get tough and children can wear us down occasionally. But never despair- you can do it! Even when things are difficult, you are still most definitely able to approach motherhood in a state of happiness and faith. Always remember: Once a woman understands the depth of her greatness and her abilities, she will be able to overcome her anxiety and become the happy, able, and content mother she is meant to be. Children are both a mother's largest source of joy, and her greatest source of stress. How you approach motherhood is up to you, but just remember that you have a wonderful Divine-instilled capability of doing your task. When a person is happy with her lot in life and the task at hand, she taps into reserves of moral strength that faith gives her and she succeeds. If, however, she sees her task as a dull, stressful, and unimportant burden- something she does because she feels she has no choice- she will never be successful. A woman who only complains about how difficult being a mother is, and who does everything she can to take the easy way out, simply won't succeed. Having a healthy perspective on motherhood is half the battle. How you approach motherhood is a vital component affecting what type of wife and mother you'll be. A woman must regard motherhood as a marvelous opportunity to grow, both emotionally and spiritually. Motherhood is a sign that Hashem believes in you and that you can raise your child properly. By viewing motherhood in this light, a mother will enjoy success, enormous satisfaction, and Hashem's blessing in everything she does. Reprinted with permission from Women's Wisdom: The Garden of Peace for Women by Rabbi Shalom Arush, translated by Rabbi Lazer Brody. Learn more and order from http://www.breslev.co.il. Regarding donations or distribution contact 972-52-224-0696. Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Greekadman

woman closeup

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 04 May 2010 09:30:51 +0000

hospital bed small

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 05 May 2010 08:42:01 +0000

Rivka bat Yael Update: The Extraordinary Razels

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 05 May 2010 08:42:19 +0000
CLICK TO JOIN OUR BI-WEEKLY E-MAIL Please continue to pray for an immediate and miraculous recovery for 4-year-old Rivka bat Yael Razel, the oldest child of singer Yonatan Razel and my daughter Moriah's good friend and nursery school classmate, who remains unconscious and hospitalized in critical condition. Last week, Yael, Rivki's mother said that her greatest fear at this point is that the 1000s of people who have been praying for Rivki around the world will, as the weeks pass, simply forget about her daughter. Rivki's parents firmly believe that it is the prayers of Jews like you around the world that are keeping their precious Rivki alive, and it is prayer as well that will bring about her ultimate recovery, please G-d! And this week, Rivki's parents saw the power of prayer in action. After father Yonatan prayed in Meron on Lag Ba'omer, and after Yonatan and 19 other men in Nachlaot announced a day-long fast and conducted an emotional, tear-filled prayer service for Rivki's recovery this week, Rivki's doctors immediately noticed small but significant improvements in Rivki's condition. In summary, while there have been some hopeful signs, little Rivki is still desperately in need of our prayers. Please try to say at least one psalm a day for the complete and speedy recovery of Rivka bat Yael. Here's the psalm that I've been saying every day for Rivki, which you could also say right now for Rivka bat Yael: The Razels. All over Israel and the world people know this name because of Razel brothers Aaron and Yonatan, who are major celebrities on the Israeli religious music scene. But in my neighborhood, Nachlaot, the Razels are famous for a different reason. They are famous for being an extraordinary family. Over 30 years ago, when Nachlaot was nothing more than an inner-city slum filled with drug addicts, decaying hovels, and a handful of legendary Sephardic Tsaddikim, Professors Carol and Micha Razel decided to buy a home and raise their 4 children here. Over the past decades, Nachlaot has changed a ton. But at least one thing has remained constant on the ever-evolving Nachlaot landscape—the Razel family. Today, all four Razel children, Yonatan, Aaron, Ricka (Van Leeuwen), and Yehuda are married and living with their growing families within 2 blocks of Grandma and Grandpa Micha and Carol. If you are walking within that 2 block radius, you are sure to see Razel grandchildren running back and forth to play with their best friends-- their cousins, on their way to attend daily afternoon lessons in Torah and English at their grandparent's home, or walking with Grandma Carol or an Aunt or Uncle on their way to or home from nursery school. In a world where the norm is quickly becoming extended families living cities and even continents apart, the Razels have chosen to go against the flow- staying close in terms of geography and spirit as well. Since Rivki's terrible accident two weeks ago, I have been amazed (though not surprised) to see how this incredible family is inseparable—in health…and in sickness as well. Yonatan's parents, siblings, and sisters and brother-in-law have been at the hospital constantly, trading off every morning, every afternoon, every night, so that Rivki's parents, Yonatan and Yael, have not had to spend a single hour alone by Rivki's bedside since the accident. Of course, being the Razels, this kind of loyalty and self-sacrifice for family is simply assumed. When I told Rivki's aunt how impressed I was by how much time she was spending at the hospital, even though she is the mother of a large family, she looked surprised, even upset, by my comment. "This didn't just happen to Rivki's parents," she insisted, "it happened to all of us, and it's affecting all of us. Of course we want to do everything we can." I've told Grandma Carol many times, and I will tell you as well, that my (no longer) secret dream is that in a few decades I will be just like her. Surrounded by my own children and grandchildren, feeding them chicken and cholent every Shabbat, and walking a crowd of grandchildren (please G-d!) to nursery school every day that G-d gives me the strength to walk these hectic and holy alleyways of Nachlaot.

Yoel's 1st Haircut!

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 05 May 2010 10:19:38 +0000
This Lag Ba'omer, my family celebrated such an amazing event-- the first haircut of our little Yoel! As our 1st boy after 4 girls, this was an especially exciting happening for all of us Weisbergs, big and small. And it was especially, super-duper exciting since the person doing the cutting was the Slonimer Rebbe Shlit"a! Here's a photo from this very very holy and unforgettable event... In this photo, the Slonimer Rebbe Shlit"a gives Yoel a piece of marble cake and a dollar bill. He also gave little Yoel a big blessing the he should grow up to be a big Tsaddik and Torah Scholar and give his parents a lot of nachas- AMEN! Seeing the new, post-haircut Yoel complete with his big-boy kippah, tsitsit, and peyot has been a bit of a shock, and also incredibly wonderful. Yesterday in the park, a mother congratulated me on Yoel's haircut. "It's amazing to see how now he looks like such a big boy!" I gushed. And this mother, who is quite a bit younger than me- and wiser too, corrected me: "He doesn't just look big now, he looks like a Jew!" Twenty years ago, who would have ever dreamed that one day Bowdoin College sophomore Jenny Freedman would become the mother of a boy with a kippah, tsitsit, and peyot. Thank you, G-d, for this miracle, for making me the mother of a son who looks like a Jew!

Tehillim

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 05 May 2010 19:09:01 +0000

And Now Announcing the Mother of the Decade!

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 09 May 2010 08:41:35 +0000
Send your friends, moms, and MILs this personalized "Mother of the Year" video and make their Mother's Day! (Be forewarned, this is a cute video, but wouldn't get a haskama from your LOR.) Happy Mothers Day, Jewish Mom! http://news.cnnbcvideo.com/index.shtml?nid=EPqVA3clLl9CzQMlHtL8EzcyMjk4&id=&p=&z=&fb=

Send a Note of Encouragement to the Razels

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 09 May 2010 09:00:59 +0000
CLICK TO JOIN OUR BI-WEEKLY E-MAIL Three weeks after her accident, Rivka bat Yael Razel remains unconscious and in critical condition at Hadassah Hospital. While there have been small and hopeful signs in Rivki's recovery, Rivki's parents, Yael and Yonatan, are desperately in need of all the encouragement and blessings we can send their way to support them through this ongoing nightmare in which they have suddenly found themselves. In the comment section, please write a note of encouragement to Yael and Yonatan Razel, which I will deliver to them at the end of this week. Please make sure to write your name and WHERE YOU LIVE, so that Yael and Yonatan will be able to see how Jews all over Israel and the world are praying for their precious Rivki...In the merit of all our prayers, may Rivka bat Yael be blessed with a complete and miraculous recovery, AMEN!

Babies with Soul

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 09 May 2010 09:11:14 +0000
Are human beings born with a Divine soul, like your rabbi taught you? Or are we people actually just really smart, glorified gorillas, like you learned in science class? Watch this incredible New York Times video proving that human babies are born with an understanding of good and bad... and that, surprise!, your rabbi was right all along. http://video.nytimes.com/video/2010/05/04/magazine/1247467772000/can-babies-tell-right-from-wrong.html

This Week's Mommy Peptalk: Achieving Spiritual Perfection

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 10 May 2010 09:34:21 +0000
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lh58y_WP53k]

Don't Miss International Motherprayer Day: Thursday May 13

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 11 May 2010 07:59:55 +0000
CLICK TO JOIN OUR BI-WEEKLY E-MAIL The day before Rosh Chodesh Sivan (Wednesday sunset until Thursday sunset) is International Motherprayer Day, declared by the Shla"h HaKadosh as one of the most auspicious days of the year to pray for our children's physical and spiritual well-being and lifelong success. Jewish mom, don't miss this tremendous annual opportunity! Make sure to recite the Shla"h's beautiful and powerful prayer on this day. (scroll down to find the prayer in Hebrew and English). Watch this 1 Minute Clip about the Power of a Mother's Prayer [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IJtXoaQHWM] תפילת השל"ה הקדוש אַתָּה הוּא ה' אֱלקֵינוּ עַד שֶׁלּא בָרָאתָ הָעולָם, וְאַתָּה הוּא אֱלקֵינוּ מִשֶּׁבָּרָאתָ הָעולָם, וּמֵעולָם וְעַד עולָם אַתָּה אֵל, וּבָרָאתָ עולָמְךָ בְּגִין לְהִשְׁתְּמודָעָא אֱלָקוּתָךְ בְּאֶמְצָעוּת תּורָתְךָ הַקְּדושָׁה כְּמו שֶׁאָמְרוּ רַבּותֵינוּ זִכְרונָם לִבְרָכָה, "בְּרֵאשִׁית", בִּשְׁבִיל תּורָה וּבִשְׁבִיל יִשְׂרָאֵל, כִּי הֵם עַמְּךָ וְנַחֲלָתְךָ אֲשֶׁר בָּחַרְתָּ בָּהֶם מִכָּל הָאֻמּות, וְנָתַתָּ לָהֶם תּורָתְךָ הַקְּדושָׁה, וְקֵרַבְתָּם לְשִׁמְךָ הַגָּדול: וְעַל קִיּוּם הָעולָם וְעַל קִיּוּם הַתּורָה בָּא לָנוּ מִמְּךָ ה' אֱלקֵינוּ שְׁנֵי צִוּוּיִים, כָּתַבְתָּ בְּתורָתְךָ "פְּרוּ וּרְבוּ", וְכָתַבְתָּ בְּתורָתְךָ "וְלִמַּדְתֶּם אתָם אֶת בְּנֵיכֶם" , וְהַכַּוָּנָה בִשְׁתֵּיהֶן אֶחָת, כִּי לא לְתהוּ בָרָאתָ כִּי אִם לָשֶׁבֶת, וְלִכְבודְךָ בָּרָאתָ יָצַרְתָּ אַף עָשִיתָ, כְּדֵי שֶּׁנִהְיֶה אֲנַחְנוּ וְצֶאֱצָאֵינוּ וְצֶאֱצָאֵי כָּל עַמְּךָ בֵּית יִשְׂרָאֵל יודְעֵי שְׁמֶךָ וְלומְדֵי תורָתֶךָ וּבְכֵן אָבוא אֵלֶיךָ ה' מֶלֶךְ מַלְכֵי הַמְּלָכִים, וְאַפִּיל תְּחִנָּתִי, וְעֵינַי לְךָ תְלוּיות עַד שֶׁתְּחָנֵּנִי וְתִשְׁמַע תְּפִלָּתִי לְהַזְמִין לִי בָּנִים וּבָנות, וְגַם הֵם יִפְרוּ וְיִרְבּוּ הֵם וּבְנֵיהֶם וּבְנֵי בְנֵיהֶם עַד סוף כָּל הדּורות לְתַכְלִית שֶׁהֵם וַאֲנִי כֻּלָּנוּ יַעַסְקוּ בְּתורָתְךָ הַקְּדושָׁה לִלְמד וּלְלַמֵּד לִשְׁמר וְלַעֲשׂות וּלְקַיֵּם אֶת כָּל דִּבְרֵי תַלְמוּד תּורָתְךָ בְּאַהֲבָה, וְהָאֵר עֵינֵינוּ בְּתורָתֶךָ וְדַבֵּק לִבֵּנוּ בְּמִצְותֶיךָ לְאַהֲבָה וּלְיִרְאָה אֶת שְׁמֶךָ: כִּי עַל כֵּן, בָּאתִי לְבַקֵּשׁ וּלְחַנֵן מִלְּפָנֶיךָ שֶׁיְּהֵא זַרְעִי וְזֶרַע זַרְעִי עַד עולָם זֶרַע כָּשֵׁר, וְאַל יִמָּצֵא בִי וּבְזַרְעִי וּבְזֶרַע זַרְעִי עַד עולָם שׁוּם פְּסוּל וָשֶׁמֶץ, אַךְ שָׁלום וֶאֱמֶת וְטוב וְיָשָׁר בְּעֵינֵי אֱלקִים וּבְעֵינֵי אָדָם, וְיִהְיוּ בַּעֲלֵי תורָה, מָארֵי מִקְרָא, מָארֵי מִשְׁנָה, מָארֵי תַלְמוּד, מָארֵי רָזָא, מָארֵי מִצְוָה, מָארֵי גומְלֵי חֲסָדִים, מָארֵי מִדות תְּרוּמִיּות, וְיַעַבְדוּךָ בְּאַהֲבָה וּבְיִרְאָה פְנִימִית, לא יִרְאָה חִיצונִית, וְתֵן לְכָל גְּוִיָּה וּגְּוִיָּה מֵהֶם דֵּי מַחְסורָהּ בְּכָבוד, וְתֶן לָהֶם בְּרִיאוּת וְכָבוד וָכחַ, וְתֶן לָהֶם קומָה וְיפִי וְחֵן וָחֶסֶד, וְיִהְיֶה אַהֲבָה וְאַחְוָה וְשָׁלום בֵּינֵיהֶם, וְתַזְמִין לָהֶם זִוּוּגִים הֲגוּנִים מִזֶּרַע תַּלְמִידֵי חֲכָמִים מִזֶּרַע צַדִּיקִים, וְגַם זִוּוּגָם יִהְיוּ כְּמותָם כְּכָל אֲשֶׁר הִתְפַּלַּלְתִּי עֲלֵיהֶם, כִּי זִכָּרון אֶחָד עולֶה לְכָאן וּלְכָאן: אַתָּה ה' יודֵעַ כָּל תַּעֲלוּמות, וּלְפָנֶיךָ נִגְלוּ מַצְפּוּנֵי לִבִּי, כִּי כַוָּנָתִי בְּכָל אֵלֶּה לְמַעַן שִׁמְךָ הַגָּדול וְהַקָּדושׁ וּלְמַעַן תּורָתְךָ הַקְּדושָׁה, עַל כֵּן עֲנֵנִי ה' עֲנֵנִי בַּעֲבוּר הָאָבות הַקְּדושִׁים אַבְרָהָם יִצְחָק וְיַעֲקב, וּבִגְלָלָם תּושִׁיעַ בָּנִים לִהְיות הָעֲנָפִים דּומִים לְשָׁרְשָׁם וּבַעֲבוּר דָּוִד עַבְדְּךָ רֶגֶל רְבִיעִי בַּמֶּרְכָּבָה, הַמְשׁורֵר בְּרוּחַ קָדְשֶׁךָ: שִׁיר הַמַּעֲלות אַשְׁרֵי כָּל יְרֵא ה' הַהלֵךְ בִּדְרָכָיו: יְגִיעַ כַּפֶּיךָ כִּי תאכֵל אַשְׁרֶיךָ וְטוב לָךְ: אֶשְׁתְּךָ כְּגֶפֶן פּרִיָּה בְּיַרְכְּתֵי בֵיתֶךָ בָּנֶיךָ כִּשְׁתִלֵי זֵיתִים סָבִיב לְשֻׁלְחָנֶךָ: הִנֵּה כִי כֵן יְבֹרַךְ גָּבֶר יְרֵא ה': יְבָרֶכְךָ ה' מִצִּיּון וּרְאֵה בְּטוּב יְרוּשָׁלָיִם כּל יְמֵי חַיֶּיךָ: וּרְאֵה בָנִים לְבָנֶיךָ שָׁלום עַל יִשְׂרָאֵל: אָנָא ה' שׁומֵעַ תְּפִלָּה יְקֻיַּם בָּנוּ הַפָּסוּק וַאֲנִי זאת בְּרִיתִי אותָם אָמַר ה' רוּחִי אֲשֶׁר עָלֶיךָ וּדְבָרַי אֲשֶׁר שַׂמְתִּי בְּפִיךָ לא יָמוּשׁוּ מִפִּיךָ וּמִפִּי זַרְעֲךָ וּמִפִּי זֶרַע זַרְעֲךָ אָמַר ה' מֵעַתָּה וְעַד עולָם: יִהְיוּ לְרָצון אִמְרֵי פִי וְהֶגְיון לִבִּי לְפָנֶיךָ ה' צוּרִי וְגואֲלִי: אמן ואמן The Prayer of the Holy Shelah Hakadosh SCROLL DOWN TO READ PRAYER IN HEBREW The Prayer of the Holy Shla"H Hakadosh You have been the Eternal, our G-d, before You created the world, and You are the Eternal, our G-d, since you created the world, and You are G-d forever. You created Your world so that Your Divinity should become revealed thorugh Your holy Torah, as our Sages expounded on the first word therein, and for Israel, for they are Your people and Your inheritance whom You have chosen from among all nations. You have given them Your holy Torah and drawn them toward Your great Name. These two commandments are, "Be fruitful and Multiply" and "You shall teach them to your children." Their purpose is that You did not create the world to be empty, but to be inhabited, and that it is for Your glory that You created, fashioned, and perfected it, so that we, our offspring, and all the descendants of your people Israel will know Your Name and study Your Torah. Thus I entreat You, O Eternal, supreme King of kings. My eyes are fixed on You until You favor me, and hear my prayer, and provide me with sons and daughters who will also be fruitful and multiply, they and their descendents unto all generations, in order that they and we might all engage in the study of Your holy Torah, to learn and to teach, to observe and to do, and to fulfill with love all the words of Your Torah's teaching. Enlighten our eyes in Your Torah and attach our heart to Your commandments to love and revere Your Name. Our Father, compassionate Father, grant us all a long and blessed life. Who is like You, compassionate Father, Who in compassion remembers His creatures for life! Remember us for eternal life, as our Forefather Avraham prayed, "If only Yishmael would live before You," which the Sages interpreted as "…live in reverence of You." For this I have come to appeal and plead before You, that my offspring and their descendants be proper, and that You find no imperfection or disrepute in me or them forever. May they be people of peace, truth, goodness and integrity in the eyes of G-d and man. Help them to become practiced in Torah, accomplished in Scriptures, Mishnah, Talmud, Kabbalah, mitzvos, kindness, and good attributes, and to serve you with an inner love and reverence, not merely outwardly. Provide every one of them with their needs with honor, and give them health, honor and strength, good bearing and appearance, grace and loving-kindness. May love and brotherhood reign among them. Provide them with suitable marriage partners of scholarly and righteous parentage who will also be blessed with all that I have asked for my own descendants, since they will share the same fate. You, the Eternal, know everything that is concealed, and to You all my heart's secrets are revealed. For all my intention concerning the above is for the sake of Your great and holy Name and Torah. Therefore, answer me, O Eternal, answer me in the merit of our holy Forefathers Avraham, Yitzchak, and Ya'akov. For the sake of the fathers save the children, so the branches will be like the roots. For the sake of Your servant, David, who is the fourth part of Your Chariot, who sings with Divine inspiration. A song of ascents. Fortunate is everyone who fears the Eternal, who walks in His ways. When you eat of the toil of your hands, you are fortunate, and good will be yours. Your wife is like a fruitful vine in the inner chambers of your home; your children are like olive shoots around your table. Look! So is blessed the man who fears the Eternal. May the Eternal bless you from Zion, and may you see the good of Jerusalem all the days of your life. May you see your children's children, peace upon Israel. Please, O Eternal, Who listens to prayer: May the following verse be fulfilled in me: "'As for Me,' says the Eternal, "this My covenant shall remain their very being; My spirit, which rests upon you, and My words which I have put in your mouth, shall not depart from your mouth nor from the mouths of your children, nor from the mouths of your children's children," said the Eternal, "from now to all Eternity." May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart be pleasing before You, Eternal, my Rock and my Redeemer. photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Brian Negin

woman kotel brian negin

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 11 May 2010 08:28:01 +0000

Mom's Scary Face

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 12 May 2010 09:04:34 +0000
[caption id="attachment_1011" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Stephanie Nielson with her children before the plane crash"][/caption] I cannot get this woman out of my mind. Stephanie Nielson was a famous mommy-blogger and devoted mom of 4 from Utah when she and her husband nearly died during a plane crash in 2008. By the time Stephanie woke up after 3 months in a coma, her children didn't even recognize her scarred face. They were SCARED of her, FLED from her. Stephanie was devastated. She looked in the mirror and saw a scarred stranger looking back at her. She went through months and months of mourning for her old self until Stephanie, a religious woman with rock-solid faith, came to a life-altering realization: I am Stephanie Nielson, and I am not my body. I'm not my former beauty-queen face. I'm not my former Holly Hobbie freckles. I'm not my former size 4 clothing from the Gap. I'm not my family that used to look just like that family in the picture frame I bought at Walmart. So who am I then? I am, she realized, what would be left if my possessions and my clothing and my flesh and my bones were burnt away to nothing and evaporated in a poof of smoke. I am Stephanie Nielson, she realized. I am a soul. I am me. The Nielsons' poignant story of healing- of a mother, a father, their children, and an entire family- is an incredible tribute to the power of love and family and the awe-inspiring strength of one mother's resilient and beautiful soul when tragedy struck. Click to watch Stephanie Nielson's story here... Stephanie Nielson struggles to become a mother again.

stephanie nielson

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 12 May 2010 09:35:31 +0000

stephanie nielson

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 12 May 2010 09:36:30 +0000

heart monitor

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 12 May 2010 10:11:30 +0000

hospital bed small

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 13 May 2010 08:58:00 +0000

Rivka bat Yael Razel Update: What You Can Do for Rivki

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 13 May 2010 08:58:15 +0000
There haven't been any big changes this week in Rivka bat Yael's condition. Overall, Rivki has been struggling in recent days with some respiratory infections, and is still being kept in an induced coma in Hadassah Hospital's ICU. What I hear over and over is that things are moving in the right direction, but very, very slowly. Rivki still desperately needs our prayers—please keep praying for Rivka bat Yael! If you haven't yet, until this Shabbat, you still have time to send a note of encouragement/blessing/support to Yael and Yonatan Razel, Rivki's parents. Thank G-d, we have already collected close to 50 notes from moms in far-flung places like Moscow, Paris, Buenos Aires, Milwaukee. Reading these letters brings tears to my eyes, they are such a powerful expression of how beautiful and big-hearted you moms are. I am sure they will mean a great deal to Yael and Yonatan during this difficult time. If I had to make up a list of 100 things that I would really, really rather NOT do, attending yet another lecture on the perils of speaking lashon hara (slander) would fall somewhere down there near waiting half and hour in line at the post office to buy a stamp, scrubbing the chicken soup pot on Saturday night, and combing my kids for lice (I will refrain from telling you whether attending such a lecture would rank higher or lower than any of these aforementioned activities). But when I heard yesterday that Rivki's father, Yonatan, had organized just such a lecture for Rivki's recovery, I knew I had to go. And the truth is that I'm happy I went, and not only for Rivki's sake. I realized last night that the topic of Shmirat Halashon bores me so terribly because I hear about it all the time BECAUSE I NEED to hear about it all the time. It's not like learning the laws of preparing a cup of tea on Shabbat, that once you've learned them, you've got them. Not speaking lashon hara is a constant struggle, for all of us. And that's a big problem. Here's one of the many stories that the lecturer Rabbanit Avrahami shared with us last night: Once there was a truck waiting at a red light, and all the cars behind him were beeping and beeping. A chorus of quacking cars. The truck driver assumed that the drivers were trying to pressure him to start driving before the light had turned green, so he just lifted up his chin and ignored them. But when he arrived at the construction site he had been headed for, he suddenly understood the truth. The cars had been beeping at him because the back door of his truck was open, and all of the sacks of powdered cement he had been transporting to his construction site were slowly emptying out as he drove. By the time he arrived at the building site, his truck was completely empty. And that truck is you and me. We wake up in the morning and greet our Creator with Modah Ani, wash our hands, feed our children, wake up our husbands so they can get to shul on time, take our kids to school and keep our cool no matter how crazy they try to drive us, and then come home and pray ourselves, and on and on. We moms go through our days collecting mitzvoth so that our souls over the course of the day become as packed full as those trucks full of those sacks of cement. But when we speak badly about others, the back of our trucks open up, and our accumulated good deeds spill out, just like that cement spilled onto the asphalt. By the time we arrive at our final destination, the World to Come, our trucks will be empty. And the worst kind of slander of all is the kind that is the easiest for us to let slip out from between our teeth…I am referring to the bad things we say about entire groups of Jews. About… The Reform Jews The Modern Orthodox Jews The Secular Israelis The Chabadnikim The Charedim The Carlebachers The Chassidim The Misnadgim The Jews who go to that OTHER shul The Left Wingers The Right Wingers The Jews from New York The Jews just a touch to the left or to the right of where you stand on the religious spectrum While speaking lashon hara about your new neighbor or your son's teacher or your mother in law also opens up the back of your truck, can you imagine how many thousands of times worse it is to, with one slip of your tongue, malign all the millions of Jews living in the Tri-State Area? So, Jewish mom, what can we do for Rivki? We can be a bit more careful about the way we speak about our fellow Jews. I also decided last night that I will (bli neder) dedicate myself to learning 2 halachot a day about the laws of proper speech, until Rivki is back sharing sandwiches and hee-hawing on the see-saw with my Moriah at the Rachel v'Leah Nursery School. I decided I'm going to do it for Rivki, and I'm going to do it for me too.

A Non-Mother's Day

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 13 May 2010 09:17:48 +0000
How does Mother's Day feel from the other side? I just read this article below, an infertile woman's feelings about Mother's Day, and it made me cry. I knew that I just had to share this with you moms. This article, G-d willing, should make you hug your kids a bit tighter when they come home from school today (and restore your sense of humor a bit quicker when they spill their orange juice-- again). But also, I hope it will help to reorient our radar a bit towards women in our communities like this woman-- who are especially in need of a Shabbat invitation, a listening ear, and a kind smile on a tough day. Mother’s Day: A Cultural Crucible By Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos The last week of April and first weeks of May have for years felt like their own special form of hell week. Each year it’s the same. First the signs, banners and fliers start showing up everywhere humans congregate — in grocery stores, outside restaurants, liberally scattered around malls and shopping centers. Then the fiber-optic lines light up carrying headlines and advertisements with unsolicited, mocking reminders of what might have been. There’s simply no making it stop. Mother’s Day, for a portion of society accustomed to being invisible, is a cultural crucible to be endured. There’s literally no escape even at sacred houses of worship or at movie theaters, the once safe place to tune out the world. (This year the feel-good movie of the season is called simply, “Babies.”) For me, the emotional torture reached its peak a few years ago when I was newly aware that motherhood would forever remain a concept, a theoretical — not an actual experience I would ever know intimately. More than a decade of trying to conceive with increasing amounts of surgeries and medical intervention had proved unsuccessful. Ultrasound images of embryos we once cautiously affixed to the refrigerator amid the smiling faces of our family and friends’ children soon found their way into a manila folder along with stacks of doctor forms, prescription regimens and reproductive endocrinology reports. My husband and I found ourselves for a time in limbo assigned to the confounding category of “unexplained” infertility. There were, we were soon to discover, no membership kits, no bonding rituals, no themed parties, no special holidays for the involuntarily childless set. It wasn’t that I became thin-skinned as a nonmom among the mommy set. It felt rather like I had no skin at all. The sight of a pregnant woman could ruin my day in an instant. But that was only the beginning. I had the unfortunate timing of trying to cope with and mourn the losses associated with infertility at what I’m sure will be remembered as the zenith of the mommy-and-me phenomenon. Mom’s clubs, mommy bloggers and helicopter parents took off like wildfire just about the time my uterus was declared officially closed for business. My barrenness also collided with an onslaught of reality TV shows showcasing supersized families, from the Gosselins to the Duggars. And just to make things really weird, along came Octomom. This year I’m finding the signs and advertisements don’t elicit the emotional rash they once did. I no longer have the urge to hit the reply button sending scathing responses to e-mail marketers asking how I planned to celebrate motherhood. Mother’s-Day-brunch providers and flower shops urging early reservations no longer cause me to feel like an outcast among women. I can only conclude that I have crossed the threshold to a once elusive zenlike acceptance. Amid a societal celebration of all things maternal, I was forced to grow a skin much thicker than I ever imagined. Much like regular inoculations sensitize allergy sufferers to irritating substances, I’m much less reactive to the whole motherhood thing in general. In fact, I’ve developed a powerful protective instinct for women who are today where I once was — lost, angry, sad and mourning the dreams they once held so dear. This year when the fill-in-the-blank (pastor, priest, minister, rabbi, etc.) asks all women in the congregation who are mothers to stand to be recognized, you might take a closer look at the women who remain seated. There are many among them grateful that only a few hours remain to be endured in the annual Mother’s Day season. * * * Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos is the author of “Silent Sorority: A (Barren) Woman Gets Busy, Angry, Lost and Found,” about coming to terms with her own infertility. She also blogs at A Fresh Start, a communal site she created for women to share their stories. You can read more about Pamela here. Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Extra Medium

woman train

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 13 May 2010 09:24:28 +0000

A Non-Mother's Day PART TWO

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 16 May 2010 09:57:13 +0000
This week I received this letter from a Jewish woman struggling with infertility in response to the article "A Non-Mother's Day." I thought this woman's response and spiritual view of her own infertility was quite incredible... Shalom Chana, I am a woman who also has had difficulties with having children and want to share my thoughts with you about the article "A Non-Mother's Day" if you don't mind. Every time i see a pregnant woman, especially since we live in an observant community and thank G-d we see a lot of them, i ask Hashem to bless her with a healthy baby and that she should have nachas etc.. (I write this since the writer of "A Non-Mother's Day" said in her article that the sight of a pregnant woman ruins her day). For me, even though i don't have children of my own, the sight of a pregnant woman brings me life, to see that Hashem's miracles are happening every day. OK, unfortunately those miracles aren't happening for me personally at the moment, but HASHEM's world is working the way He wants! The sight of a pregnant woman is the most beautiful thing, the sight of a mother nursing her baby is the most beautiful thing. Of course it hurts, not because SHE has and i don't. No, thank G-d she has and i wish i had too. But because Hashem doesn't want. it's about HASHEM not me. It's not easy. It's hard, but it's HASHEM's world. As the author said in her letter about the Octomom etc. we have to understand that no other mother takes away the child (the soul) that i am supposed to have. If Octomom has 8 children, she has merited to bring 8 souls into this world, but that doesn't take anything away from me!! Somehow i feel that i have transformed my pain into a blessing. i definitely have my tough moments, but I have faith in Hashem that Hashem decided for me not to have children. Maybe i already had children before this gilgul [incarnation] and in a previous life i had brought down the souls that i needed to bring into the world already. Maybe i am doing some not correct things so that doesn't let me merit to have a child physically. Of course, being in shuls and grocery stores and feeling some women feeling sorry for me, i believe that Hashem has given this hard situation to deal with to ME, and that means that i am a stronger person, and maybe have a higher (not in a bolstering way) soul that can deal with Hashem's tests. Of course, we all say Hashem shouldn't test us with these kinds of tests, but when he does then you've got to dig in deep and feel Hashem's trust in you. Hashem is telling you: "My dear daughter, you are a queen. i know it's hard but you are stronger than all of these tests. You are closer to Me. I have given a hard test to you but you are my special soul, trust in me. When Moshiach comes you will experience immediate childbirth and you will be blessed with many." I want so much to belong to the "Jewish Mom's Club" even though i am not, so i signed up for your emails a while back. i am sure i am a mommy in many ways spiritually to a lot of my friends kids, they love me and listen to me, and also G-d willing one day i will be a Jewish mommy too, when Moshiach comes. i wanted to be connected and feel good about things that you share with moms. And by the way, i have to tell you that somehow i feel your love for all the Jewish moms and non-moms even through your emails... with much love Shabbat Shalom Devorah bas Sarah Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Eole

holding sun eole

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 16 May 2010 10:04:07 +0000

The Blessing of Spilt Milk

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 17 May 2010 08:45:24 +0000
This week it's been broiling hot here in the Holy Land. The kind of hot that makes me feel like every hour of the day I gain two pounds, so that by the time bedtime rolls around I'm as hot and uncomfortable as a Thanksgiving turkey basting in gravy and begging to be taken out of the oven. And this week, as well, all sorts of liquids have been flowing in the Weisberg home. And in this heat, I've been having a hard time keeping my cool about it. First I spilled the milk yesterday, and it slithered lickety-split all over the kitchen floor and underneath the fridge. Yoel sped over to jump in the puddle, and I grabbed him hard by the arm and directed him back to his chair with the gravity of an Israeli cop shooing the crowds away from a suspicious backpack in the middle of the mall. "Hashem," I pleaded, "wasn't I hot and miserable enough in this heat without having to figure out how to get that puddle of milk out from underneath the fridge?" "Shoot!" And then, not long after that Moriah almost made it to the bathroom in time, but just almost. "Shoot!" And then my 10-year-old Hallel somehow dropped and shattered the bottle of air freshener in the front hall. So that today every person who comes into my house enters into a cloud of perfume thick enough to sweeten up a cowshed. "Shoot!" And then last night, after a long day of spills and muttering and not keeping my cool, I received an Email from an editor about an article I submitted about the joys and challenges of motherhood. In the article, I refer to some typical challenges of mothers of young children: the bottomless laundry basket, and the torn newly-bought Shabbat dress, and the spilt chocolate milk all over the kitchen floor. And the editor, a mother of grown children and a grandmother many times over, responded: "I wonder, are there really lots and lots of women for whom the big problem is the laundry and the spills? Seems so idyllic, almost unbelievable! But maybe this is because my children are all teenagers or married now? Maybe I gained perspective and now cannot remember not having it? At first her response made me feel indignant. Mothers of teenagers and married children face their challenges, and mothers of babies and small children face different but no less real challenges. Why the need to compare? But then I pondered for a moment the life and the problems of some mothers of older children. The mother of the 15-year-old son who doesn't want to be religious anymore. The mother of the 14-year-old who just got suspended from school. The mother of the married daughter whose marriage is on the rocks. The mother of a 17-year-old daughter who hates her. From the point of view of quite a few mothers of older children, my day HAD been full of idyllic scenes. As sweet as the image of a newborn baby cuddled in his mother's arms or a 6-year-old girl squealing with pleasure as she gallops away on a pony. My 3-year-old jumping in the puddle of milk as it slithered lickety-split underneath my fridge. Idyllic, almost unbelievable. My 5-year-old who almost made it to the bathroom, but not quite. Idyllic, almost unbelievable. The 10-year-old's elbow and the bottle of air freshener meeting in an unfortunate collision. Idyllic. Almost unbelievable. I smiled as I thought of my day and my life. Of the tiny curses and the great blessings of small children, and small problems. Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Eqqman

spilt milk eqqman

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 17 May 2010 08:49:40 +0000

scientist NIOSH

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 20 May 2010 10:25:14 +0000

The Science of Mom's Love

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 20 May 2010 10:25:54 +0000
It was Shavuot morning, and I saw Yoel fall like he was sliding into third base. He was on the far end of the playground, in the midst of about a hundred dashing and climbing kids playing all around him. Yoel dug his elbows into the asphalt and rested his little reddening face into his pudgy hands and began to scream. I stood up and waved to Yoel until I caught his eye. I motioned for him to get up with a nod and a smile. Yoel perked up right away, and jumped up and began running again towards the slide. That was all he needed. Just a little dose of eema. This past year, researchers at the University of Wisconsin asked 61 girls to give a speech or to do some difficult math problems in front of a panel of strangers. The girls' stress-levels skyrocketed. One third of the girls were then reunited with their mothers for 15 minutes of in-person hugs and comforting by mom. Another third of the girls received 15 minutes of comforting and calming by mom over the phone. Then both groups watched an emotion-neutral movie for an hour. The third and final group got to watch the same movie for 75 minutes, but were allowed NO CONTACT in person or over the phone with mom. In the two groups with mom contact, cortisol (a stress-producing hormone) levels plummeted and oxytocin (a stress-reducing hormone) levels began to soar as soon as those stressed-out girls heard their mother's voice. And those poor girls left to suffer on their own in front of the DVD player, with no mom contact, maintained the same cortisol/stress levels as before. Even 75 minutes spent watching that movie did nothing to make them feel even a little bit better. This research, released this past week, made me so happy. I have dedicated much of the past 12 years of my life to being a mom. But the sad truth is that I don’t often see the impact my mothering has on my children. What did I do today? I made spaghetti with tomato sauce for lunch. I took my 3 and 5-year-old to buy some bread and milk from the corner store. I had a conversation with my 10-year-old after a particularly tough day in 4th grade. But what did I ACCOMPLISH? Believe me. I don't know really know. I could even begin to think that what I do as a mom day after day and month after month and year after year hasn't been so important after all. But this research reminds me of the importance of what I've done and what I'm doing, of the irreplaceable, incomparable power and healing of a mother's love in a child's heart. Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user NIOSH

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

JewishMOM.com — Sat, 22 May 2010 19:35:10 +0000

A Holy C-Section

JewishMOM.com — Sat, 22 May 2010 19:35:49 +0000
I received this letter from Tali, a mother who just had her fourth child and her first C-section this month. After struggling with disappointment, Tali managed to reinterpret her birth in an innovative and spiritual way that I just had to share with you. Mazal tov, Tali! Hi Chana, My name is Tali, and today I celebrated the Brit Milah of our 4th child, and 1st son, whom we named Sha”i (Shmuel Yitzchak) Yehuda. I wanted to thank you so much for you amazing work, Expecting Miracles. I really wanted to use the opportunity of the pregnancy and the birth to go through my own personal and spiritual growth, and the book was a wonderful tool. Just something that I thought I would share with you - I think that in the book you may have related to the idea of connecting the birthing woman's chavlei leida or birth pains to the suffering of the Jewish people in the times leading up to the Redemption. That was a very powerful idea for me, and during the labor I tried to focus on my personal redemption that would come when I would hold my baby in my arms, and at the same time I prayed for the geula (the redemption) of the entire Jewish people. However, for some reason, after having dilated to 9.5 cm. and having pushed for almost 2 hours my baby just didn’t enter the birth canal and they carted me off for a cesarean. Near the end of the pushing, when the doctors were deciding whether to operate or not, and it became clear to me that all my pushing was for nothing I became very despondent, and after the birth I kind of felt that the imagery of my personal redemption and the redemption of the Jewish people had fallen flat, because my baby ultimately didn’t come as a result of those birth pains. My mother, who is a midwife, told me that in fact in years gone by this kind of labor would have resulted in a stillborn. Having thought about it, and discussed it with my husband, I came to the conclusion that there was not a natural redemption/geula to my personal exile – but rather a miraculous one in the form of medical intervention – something similar to the redemption from Egypt which was also supernatural in that it went against the course of nature. Many thanks again for playing an instrumental role in making this birthing experience such a meaningful one. Tali from Gush Etsion, Israel Photo courtesy of flickr.com user Jon Ovington

Believe it or Not! Diaper Change with Feet

JewishMOM.com — Sat, 22 May 2010 20:36:26 +0000
Sarah Kovac is a 26-year-old mother of a newborn son who suffers from a debilitating disability that prevents her from using her hands. The following video, featured on CNN, shows Sarah changing her son's diaper, with her feet! When I saw this video, I couldn't peel my eyes away from the screen, this is amazing stuff. Why do I think it's so important for me to learn about how these incredible moms with disabilities manage to raise and care for their children, despite the Great Wall of China of challenges that stands in their way? There are two main reasons: One: Seeing moms like Susan Kovac is such a powerful reminder for me of all the things for which I should be grateful, but rarely am. I watch this video, and gratitude erupts out of me like ash out of that volcano in Iceland, "Thank you G-d for these healthy hands which can hold a child, for these healthy legs which can go on a walk with a child, for these healthy eyes which allow me to watch my children grow, and for these healthy ears that can hear my children speak to me and to each other." "I know it's a little bit late for this, but thank you, G-d, for EVERYTHING!" Two: This video provides me with something every mom desperately needs in elephant doses in order to maintain her happiness and her sanity-- PERSPECTIVE! After witnessing the cheerfulness with which Sarah Kovac changes her son's diaper with her feet, what struggle, lack, or minor or even major irritation in my life can I possibly, rightfully complain about! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TlMpXJtW00M] Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user dynet

diaper dynet

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 23 May 2010 07:44:10 +0000

heart monitor

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 23 May 2010 09:25:26 +0000

See-saw

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 23 May 2010 09:29:04 +0000
Eva on a see-saw in a playground in a local park.

Rivka bat Yael Update: The New Seesaw

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 23 May 2010 09:29:43 +0000
CLICK TO JOIN OUR BI-WEEKLY E-MAIL Yesterday my 5-year-old, Moriah, pointed out that Rivki still hasn't seen the new wooden seesaw at the Rachel v'Leah Nursery School. "She also hasn't seen the new aquarium with the goldfish," I pointed out. Moriah pondered my point, and corrected me. "No, Rivki saw the aquarium. But when she comes back to nursery school, I will ride with her on the new seesaw together!" Moriah rocked back and forth to show me how she will bounce up and down with Rivki on the seesaw, and laughed when she thought about how she will play with Rivki, just like she used to. Please G-d, I hope so too. I am praying for a miracle, so that on September 1st, Rivki will again be among Moriah's kindergarten classmates at Rachel v'Leah Nursery School. Just imagine how happy all of us will be to have Rivki back! It's been 5 weeks now since Rivka bat Yael Razel's accident, and Rivki is still hospitalized in serious but stable condition. Thank G-d, today Rivki was moved from Hadassah Hospital's ICU to the Alin Hospital, which specializes in the rehabilitation of sick and injured children. Being moved there is a good sign; it means Rivki is taking her first step towards recovery, G-d willing. Also, last week Rivki started opening up her eyes, but rarely focuses on anything or anyone. She also started moving her hands, and lifting them above her head. In summary, her recovery is moving very slowly, but is headed, G-d willing, in the right direction. Thanks so much to all of you who took the time to write letters of encouragement and blessings to Rivki's parents, Yael and Yonatan Razel. In the end, I received over 50 letters from people as far away as Argentina, England, Australia, France, and all over the US and Israel, and I bound them into a book which my daughters illustrated. The morning before Shavuot I walked over with all of my kids to give the book to Saba Micha and Savta Carol so they could give it to Rivki's parents before the holiday. After we left, Saba Micha came running after us down the street. "Excuse me, but where did you get all these letters from? How did they come to you?" he asked in disbelief. When I explained to him, he shook his head in stunned amazement. Yesterday I saw Saba Micha again and he told me that Yael and Yonatan had really appreciated and were very moved by the letters. He even asked if I could please print up two more copies of the book for the grandparents as well! In short, good job Jewish moms! You successfully brought a ray of light into quite a dark situation. Please continue praying for a complete and miraculous recovery for Rivka bat Yael! Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Dorin Nicolaescu-Musteaț

A Hug from Dvir

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 25 May 2010 08:54:45 +0000
Thanks to Debbie Shapiro for sending this incredibly moving story my way. Get your tissues ready, Jewish mom... The Gaza War was a three-week military conflict that took place in the Gaza Strip during the winter of 2008–2009. It was dubbed Operation Cast Lead. Dvir Aminolav was the first Israeli soldier killed in that short but terrible war. His father had died of cancer two years earlier. Dvir had been the only son among daughters and had taken on many paternal responsibilities in the family. His loss was particularly traumatic. On his birthday, family and friends gathered around his grave, where his mother, Dalya shared this moving story. Dalya missed her son, Dvir, terribly. One night before she went to bed, she said in a loud voice: “G-d, give me a sign, give me a hug from Dvir so that I will know that his death had some meaning.” It was quite some time before she fell asleep. That week her daughter asked her to accompany her to a musical performance at The International Crafts Festival in Jerusalem. Dalya, feeling quite depressed, did not want to go to the concert, but she didn’t want to disappoint her daughter either, and agreed to go halfheartedly. The concert was a bit delayed. As the musicians were warming up, tuning their instruments, and testing the speaker system, a two-year-old boy, with beautiful blond curls, looking like a little angel, began wandering through the stands. Without the slightest bit of self-consciousness, he walked right up to Dalya’s seat and touched her on the shoulder. A preschool teacher, Dalya turned around, saw the boy and smiled warmly. “What’s your name?” Dalya asked in a soft and kind voice. “Eshel,” the boy replied. “That’s a nice name. Do you want to be my friend, Eshel?” The boy nodded in reply and sat down next to Dalya. Eshel’s parents were sitting two rows above. Seeing their little boy bothering Dalya below, they asked him to come back up. But Dalya insisted that everything was fine. “I have a brother named Dvir,” two-year-old Eshel chimed in, as only little children can. Dalya was shocked to hear the unusual name of her beloved son, and walked up the two rows to where Eshel’s parents were sitting. She saw a baby in his carriage, and apologizing, she asked, “If you don’t mind me asking, how old is your baby and when was he born?” The baby’s mother replied, “He was born right after the war in Gaza. Six months ago to be precise.” Dalya swallowed hard. “Do you mind if I ask one more question?” The mother said not at all, and Dalya asked, “Please tell me, why did you choose to name him Dvir?” Baby Dvir’s mother began to explain. “I am an officer dealing with wounded soldiers in the army. When I was at the end of my pregnancy, the doctors suspected the fetus may have a very serious birth defect. Since it was the end of the pregnancy, there was little the doctors could do for me and my baby and I just had to wait and see how things would turn out. When I went home that night, the news reported that the first casualty in the war was a soldier named Dvir. I was so saddened by this news that I decided to make a deal with G-d. ‘If you give me a healthy son,’ I said in my prayer, ‘I promise to name him Dvir, in memory of the soldier that was killed.’” Dalya, the mother of Dvir, stood with her mouth open. After a long silence, she said quietly, “I am Dvir’s mother.” The young parents didn’t believe her. She repeated, “Yes, it’s true. I am Dvir’s mother. My name is Dalya Aminalov, from Pisgat Zeev.” With a sudden inspiration, Baby Dvir’s mother handed Dalya the baby and said, “Dvir wants to give you a hug.” Dalya held the little baby boy in her arms and looked into his angelic face. The emotion she felt at that moment was overwhelming. She had asked for a hug from Dvir - and she could truly feel his warm and loving embrace from the World to Come. Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Jasmic

hug Jasmic

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 25 May 2010 08:59:43 +0000

This Week's Mommy Peptalk: The Monster

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 25 May 2010 09:30:09 +0000
Do you sometimes feel like motherhood has turned you into a monster? Watch this... [googlevideo=http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=308554219137914437&hl=en#]

The Top 10 Choking Hazards for Children

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 26 May 2010 10:05:45 +0000
[caption id="attachment_1094" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="This healthy lunch is full of choking hazards for your pre-schooler."][/caption] CLICK TO JOIN OUR BI-WEEKLY E-MAIL Just yesterday, a friend was telling me that during her son's recent hospitalization she saw a truly terrifying sight. A severely retarded 3-year-old who cried all day, with nobody to comfort him. It turned out that a year before this boy had choked while eating in his high chair. His mother immediately tried to dislodge the piece of food, but was unsuccessful, and severe brain damage resulted. The mother and father have 6 other children at home, so this poor boy spent his days alone at the hospital. Crying. Oy, I am so sorry to share this story. It is so awful. (And it confirmed a dream that I have, that when my children are grown, I would like to volunteer a few days a week at a hospital to hold and comfort crying babies and children.) So when I saw that the 2nd most Emailed article today in the New York Times was an article about choking hazards for children, I read it carefully, and I was very surprised by the information I found there. Did you know that in the US in 2001, over 10,000 children were treated in emergency rooms for food-related choking. In 2000, 160 children died from an obstruction of the respiratory tract. According to a 2008 study, the 10 foods that pose the highest choking hazards for young children are: -hot dogs -peanuts -carrots -boned chicken -candy -meat -popcorn -fish with bones -sunflower seeds -apples Here are some basic choking prevention guidelines from the American Academy of Pediatrics: Children under the age 4 of 5 should NEVER be given -raw carrots -marshmallows -peanuts -popcorn -hard candies -gumballs Some special situations, for children under age 5: Hotdogs: Cut them lengthwise before slicing them. (simply slicing hotdogs into quarter-size pieces makes them even more dangerous than leaving them whole!) Grapes: Cut into quarters Lollipops- Flat lollipops are safer than ball-shaped. If a child is choking, don't wait. Call 911 (101 in Israel)- IMMEDIATELY! While the vigilance of an adult during meals is important, we cannot always prevent choking. Dr. Gary Smith, a national expert on choking reports: “I see the parents when they bring their children into the E.R. Virtually every time they say, ‘I can’t believe this happened to my child — I was standing right there.’ ” This information is definitely going to change what and how I feed my younger children. I'm also going to show this list to my husband today. With G-d's help and the right information, may we keep our kids safe and healthy! Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Wendy Copley

choking foods Wendy Copley

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 27 May 2010 08:35:11 +0000

blossom cobalt123

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 27 May 2010 10:12:06 +0000

Rivka bat Yael Razel Update: Blossom

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 27 May 2010 10:12:57 +0000
5 weeks following her accident, little Rivki Razel is still unconscious, but there have been some hopeful signs. I have heard that at times, Rivki cries in protest when one of her parents is about to leave her bedside. At times, she has given her mother's hand the slightest squeeze to indicate "Yes, please" or "No, thank you." At times, she smiles when something makes her happy or, more often, cries when she feels pain. Every day, Rivki's mother and father, Yael and Yonatan, and whichever relatives have joined them, sit by Rivki's side and tell her stories, and sing her songs. They do everything they can to stimulate Rivki and spur on her recovery. By all accounts, Rivki has a long road ahead of her. The doctors are saying that her rehabilitation will take about a year. And who knows what Rivki's final condition will be even when her rehabilitation is completed? But what's most encouraging to her family is the growing impression that Rivki is in there. She's not talking yet, she's not eating on her own yet, she's not even awake, but somewhere inside this awful unconscious state, her family senses that the spunky, bright Rivki that they (and we) love is still there. She's hibernating, sleeping, gaining strength, whatever you want to call it…but she's there. I was thinking this week that for Rivki's family, watching over her for the past 5 weeks has been like crouching down on their hands and knees and waiting for a flower to open its petals and bloom. And it occurred to me how rarely we get to watch our children that way. I was talking to my 10-year-old about her upcoming concert, and in the meantime my 7-month-old took her first roll from her right side to her left on her elephant play-rug. I was in the kitchen loading the dishwasher and in the meantime my 15-month-old took his first step unnoticed by the living room sofa. I was busy raising a growing family, and in the meantime my 12-year-old, Hadas, grew nearly taller than me, even in her socks. When did the baby girl I nursed and diapered and pushed around in that gorgeous blue flowered carriage we gave away a decade ago become a young woman? When did it happen? And how did I miss it? Ever since I heard about Rivki's accident, like many of us, I have felt a sense of loss. And more recently, as Rivki recovers every so slowly under the watchful eyes of her parents and aunts and uncles and grandparents, I have felt a loss for a different reason—I have felt the loss of all those precious missed moments. Those moments that I was too busy, or at least too distracted, to get down on my hands and knees and witness the miracle of a child's blossoming, and are now lost forever. Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user cobalt123

This Week's Mommy Peptalk: Vanilla Pudding for Mom, Too!

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 30 May 2010 09:19:33 +0000
Using incentives to easily and painlessly achieve our personal goals. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXm140MHEnU]

Babies: Official Trailer

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 07:40:32 +0000
I don't know anything about this movie, a new documentary about 4 babies in Namibia, Japan, Mongolia, and California, but I loved this trailer and these clips! Enjoy! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RuEb1vuEgr4] Here's a clip from the movie of a baby in Namibia sleeping... [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XO2uZTJo9Yc&feature=related] and here's San Francisco baby eating a banana... [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVMh6VbzCQE&NR=1] And Tokyo baby going for a walk with mom... [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3AlW-Kw5G4&feature=channel]

The 5 Rules of the World

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 09:05:13 +0000
Every mother is struggling with something. For some moms reading this, your struggle is a public one. You are sick, you are going through a divorce, you have a difficult child who has made you feel like the subject of a witch hunt for the "bad mother" supposedly at fault. For even more moms reading this, your struggle takes place in private. You face difficulties in your marriage, in your family, in your body, in the unseen recesses of your mind. The struggles in life will change, they will become louder and quieter, but they will never end. That's just the way God made the world, and that God made us. So when I discovered this list of the 5 Rules of the World, it made me smile. Here it is: 1. You may not have anything wrong with you or be different in any way. 2. If there is something wrong with you or you are different, get over it! 3. If you can't get over it, you must pretend that you have. 4. If you can't even pretend, then please don't leave your house. It's difficult for others to have you around. 5. If you insist on leaving your house and showing up, at least have the decency to feel ashamed. In other words, the most courageous and heroic thing you can do is show up for your life and NOT feel ashamed. And please don’t forget, Jewish mom, God loves you, warts and stretchmarks and struggles and all. Anne Lamotte, Operating Instructions (New York, Fawcett Columbine, 1993) p. 100. Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Tricky

winding road tricky

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 09:10:21 +0000

First Aid for Choking

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 08:06:44 +0000
Two weeks ago I posted an article about the Top 10 Choking Hazards for Children. Well, this past Shabbat, my family was sitting around the table, and my 5-year-old Moriah started making funny sounds. It turns out she was choking on a piece of lettuce. The choking only lasted about 5 seconds, and my husband immediately dislodged the lettuce from her throat, but that was officially TERRIFYING. Please watch these short videos to learn how to help a choking child or baby-- just in case.... First Aid for Child over Age of 1 [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLgFnSyDi-U&feature=related] First aid for Choking Baby [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8akd_ooWcnM&feature=related]

first aid vernon dutton

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 08:33:18 +0000

running woman J-Cornelius

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 09:37:00 +0000

The Runaway Mom

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 09:37:50 +0000
When I first met "Sara" (not her real name) a decade ago I was struck by how beautiful she was, almost like a china doll on a store shelf. She had the willowy body of a dancer, ivory skin, and playful sapphire blue eyes behind long lashes. I loved her British accent, right out of the Little Princess, the product of years of schooling at one of England's most prestigious boarding schools for girls. By the time I met Sara, she was newly religious, living in a religious suburb of Jerusalem, and the mother of three teensy children. She had read one of my books at the Beit Hachlama, the Recovery House where many women go to rest up after their births, and had contacted me to see if we could get together to talk about birthing. Despite her debutante upbringing, I saw right away that Sara was a very free spirit, a hippy at heart. She told me that she made a meager living decorating ketubot and dreamed of leaving behind the homogenous suburb where her husband learned in a yeshiva, and moving to a remote hilltop settlement where she could devote herself to her watercolor painting and set up her own natural birthing center. But her husband, she told me shaking her head, "Wasn't that type of guy." Just yesterday, I saw Sara for the first time in several years on the street by my house. She looked the same, except for something I couldn't put my finger on. I guess it was that she looked a bit strange. Like a flower that had been stepped on, maybe. Sara looked happy to see me. She told me that she had just moved into a studio apartment on my street. My heart fell. She had left her husband 9 months before, she told me with a nervous smile, and they had divorced. "I was stupid. I didn't ask for anything in the divorce because I wanted to make sure that our separation wouldn't damage our friendship. But now my husband doesn't give me any money, and I can't afford an apartment that is big enough for my children to live with me." "How many children do you have?" "Eight," Sara answered, looking down. "I didn't do the right thing," Sara continued, "9 months ago, I left my husband and my children, and now he is remarried, and I don’t have a way to see my kids. His new wife doesn't want me in their house, and now I can't put my children to bed or wake up with them. What kind of mother can I be if I can't do that? So I can only see them in the afternoon a few days a week, but it's awkward and difficult." "I don't know what I'm going to do…" Sara looked like a woman in crisis, like a woman in mourning. "Chana, please pray for me, OK?" For the rest of the day, I couldn't get Sara out of my mind. What a nightmare, I thought. A mother of 8 children had run away from home one day, and now had found the door leading back home had locked shut behind her. The scariest part, I realized, it that there is a little bit of Sara in each of us. What mom reading this hasn't sometimes dreamt of running away- to do exactly what you want to do when you want to do it- far from the daily stresses of a difficult financial situation or a draining marriage or the endless challenges of raising a family and managing a home that is far too small and way too messy. How crucial, I thought, for every mom to take time out to reflect on the aspects of life that are bringing her down, and to start repairing those areas of her life. Every mother needs to ask herself every month, every week, every day: -What aspects of my life do I hate? -What daily activities/responsibilities sap me of energy and vitality? -And, most importantly, what practical steps can I take to start improving and fixing those parts of my life so that I can feel happier and more satisfied as a wife and mother and human being? Because it's a tragedy to be living a life you wish you could run away from, and it's even more of a tragedy to be the child of yet another long-suffering mom with a far-away look in her eyes. Watch this video to learn how you too can improve your life and become a more joyful person. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tb2dgnn16mU] Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user J-Cornelius

triplets brandie

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 10:00:57 +0000

Surrogate Motherhood- Times Three!

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 10:01:34 +0000

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What an amazing story appeared this week on the cover of Israel's most popular newspaper. A religious Israeli couple, Ophir and Avishag, become parents to TRIPLETS this week after 8 years of marriage and many, many miscarriages. But what's even more amazing is that Ophir (38) and Avishag (36) finally became parents through the kindness of a woman, identified only by her initial "A," whom they didn't even know before she became the surrogate mother of their children. Avishag told Yediot Achronot this week, "When Ophir and I got married 8 years ago, we wanted many children. We are people who believe that children are a Divine blessing. Unfortunately, all of our attempts to have a child went up in smoke. I had many miscarriages…When this happens over and over again you ask yourself many questions, questions connected to religion, to faith, to what we hadn't done exactly right." Under the halachic guidance of the rabbis at the Puah Institute, Ophir and Avishag decided to pursue the option of finding a surrogate mother to carry their biological child. Avishag: "We wanted to find a surrogate mother who is observant, one of us, who has a similar way of life. We prayed that she would be religious, and we actually found a religious woman, 36 years old, like me. She is a divorced mother of 2 daughters. When Ophir and I first met her we couldn't contain our excitement. We looked at one another and said, "That's it, we found the person we are looking for. Hashem sent her to us…" Ophir added: ""A" is an exceptional woman, one of a kind. The money wasn't what motivated her, but rather the desire to perform an act of kindness." What nobody expected, Ophir, Avishag, and "A" alike, was that this would end up being such a difficult pregnancy-- with triplets. When their doctors pressured Ophir and Avishag to abort one of the triplets in order to increase the chances of survival for their remaining two children, Ophir and Avishag weren't sure what to do, but it was "A" who put her foot down. None of the fetuses she was carrying would be aborted. Period. While it is a tremendous kindness to carry the baby of a stranger who can't do it herself, willingly submitting oneself to the difficulties and medical complications involved with carrying triplets is truly incredible, truly heroic. And in the end, "A" was right to be stubborn. Born in their 33rd week, Ophir and Avishag's triplets are tiny but perfectly healthy. Two girls and boy. Mazal tov, Ophir and Avishag! May you merit to raise your three cuties to Torah, Chuppah, and Good Deeds! Based on the article "Three in one Surrogate" by Dani Adeeno Ababa and Nisan Strauchler, Yediot Achronot, 6/6/10 Photos courtesy of Flickr.com user Brandie

Mazal Tov to Recovered Groom-Soldier Aaron Karov and Wife!

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 07:24:20 +0000
[caption id="attachment_1154" align="aligncenter" width="400" caption="Aaron and Tsvia Karov's Chuppah, several hours before Aaron was Sent to the Gaza War"][/caption]

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This past December, I posted "A Chanukah Miracle," an interview with recovered war hero Aaron Karov, the idealistic IDF lieutenant who was nearly killed in the Gaza War several days after his wedding. Karov's surprise recovery was hailed by his doctors as nothing short of a modern miracle. And yesterday, this exceptional young man and his equally exceptional wife, Tsvia, who allowed for her husband to leave for the War less than 24 hours after their chuppah, and then stood by his side through the darkest moments of his long and tortuous recovery, surprised us once again when they became the proud parents of a newborn baby girl. I think Israeli Prime Minister said what all us are feeling as we hear this phenomenal news when he told Aaron Karov in a phone conversation a few hours after his daughter's birth: "Mazal tov from the depths of my heart! This birth is a victory for life and a victory for the Jewish people. The fact that you remained alive is a miracle, and the birth of your daughter is a miracle as well. I bless you that your family will continue to grow and that you will have infinite nachas." Amen! May Aaron, Tsvia, and their families continue to be blessed with an abundance of good news and happy occasions from now on! Watch the amazing, inspiring interview with Aaron Karov about his recovery from this past Chanukah

aaron_karov

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 07:29:01 +0000

aaron_karov

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 07:38:19 +0000

hospital bed small

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 08:48:44 +0000

Rivka bat Yael Razel Update: Laughter

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 08:49:07 +0000
6 weeks following her accident, Rivka bat Yael Razel is continuing her rehabilitation at Alin Hospital, with a world-class staff of occupational therapists, physical therapists, and doctors who are working with Rivki many hours every day to aid her recovery. Rivki's doctors are currently predicting that she will require a year of rehabilitation. The highlights of the week for Rivki's family were Rivki's outburst of laughter when her mother said a silly word, and again when she heard that one of her 2 younger sisters had done something funny--sneaking into her toddler sister's crib earlier that morning. This laughter seems to indicate (please G-d!) that even though she appears unconscious, Rivki's cognitive functioning is still good. A physical therapist was telling me this week that the biggest advantage for Rivki at this point is that she is only 4 years old. The brains of young children, she explained, have amazing powers of healing and recovery that those of an older child or adult no longer possess. Thank you for continuing to pray for a complete and miraculous recovery for Rivka bat Yael!

Pornified Girls

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 08:58:41 +0000
Last month, over 2 million people clicked to view a bunch of lingerie-wearing 8-year-olds dancing and gyrating to a sexually explicit song in a national dance contest. The New York Times Magazine published an editorial by Peggy Ornstein condemning (at least sort of) the clip last week: "Wearing outfits that would make a stripper blush, the [girls] pumped it and bumped it to the Beyonce hit “Single Ladies." The girls were spectacular dancers, able to twirl on one foot while extending the other into a perfect standing split. But I doubt that two million people had tuned in simply to admire their arabesques… The compulsion to watch was like the impulse to rubberneck at an accident, but in this case the scene was a 12-car pileup of early sexualization." I watched the video too, at least a few seconds of it. But as the mother of my own crew of little girls, I just couldn't watch any more than that. It was just too painful to get such an awful eye-full of what's happening to an entire generation of American girls. Listen to these horrifying statistics… -33% of 9th graders and 62% of 12th graders have had sexual intercourse -34% of American girls will become pregnant at least once by the age of 19 -33% of sexually active teens ages 15-17 reported “being in a relationship where they felt things were moving too fast sexually” -24% of sexually active 15-17 year olds have “done something sexual they didn’t really want to do” as a result of pressure from a sexual partner* And this past Sunday, the editor of the New York Times' Parenting blog "Motherlode" asked her readers what we think should be done about this plague of "pornified girls." I spent a few hours drawing up a few drafts for a comment in my head, but in the end I just could not figure out how to begin to explain to the average New York Times reader the alternative dimension in which I reside. How many New York Times readers, for example, would believe that last week, when my ten-year-old daughter Hallel saw the term "Sex Object" in a newspaper headline, she asked me, "Eema, what is that word? How do you pronounce it? S-E-X?" And, no, I didn't tell her. When she needs to know, I'll tell her. And how many New York Times readers would believe that in 2010, I live in a society overflowing with modest girls, innocent girls, girls whose first sexual experience will take place on their wedding night? Confident, smart, curious, passionate, beautiful girls whose self-esteem is not dictated by how attractive they appear in a bikini, or how many boys ask them out, or whether they have a steady boyfriend at the moment or not as was the case when I myself was one of those unfortunate secular American girls…with very low self-esteem I should add! In the end, I didn't write a comment because I realized I'm living on a different planet. And how can you explain how good it feels to breathe in a lung-full of fresh air to someone who lives on Jupiter? Or explain how good it feels to jump in the ocean waves after a sweltering city day to someone who lives on Venus? Or convey the soul-shaking splendor of a fire-red sunrise to someone who has spent her entire life living deep inside a black hole? I couldn't figure out how to convey the Torah's view on "pornified girls" to a wider audience, but I would be so happy if any of you could help to spread some desperately-needed Jewish wisdom by reading and commenting on the original New York Times article. *Kaiser Family Foundation, US Teen Sexual Activity Report, 2005. Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Markusram

high heels markusram

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 09:09:59 +0000

The Lubavitcher Rebbe talks about Jewish Women

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 09:38:12 +0000
In honor of Gimmel Tamuz, the 16th yahrtzeit of the Lubavitcher Rebbe, here is a video of the Rebbe speaking about the special mitzvot and contribution of Jewish women. What an inspiration to hear the Rebbe speak! Click here to send a letter to the Rebbe's grave on the yahrtzeit [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5AzzDenarU]

Mommy Peptalk: "So, What have You Been Doing the Whole Day?!"

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 10:08:36 +0000
Learning to see our daily accomplishments through G-d's eyes. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sNtlDQ1fzs&feature=player_embedded]

How to Deal with Kids Fighting

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 09:18:37 +0000
Your kids are fighting…again! You should: A) Get out your handy family water cannon from behind the fridge and break up the fight B) Gather your kiddies around the table with mugs of herbal tea and help them to talk through their issues C) Send them to their rooms until they cool down, or start snoring, whichever comes first D) None of the above According to Rabbi Shimshon Raphael Hirsch, the answer is "D." By letting our children fight without parental intervention, Rabbi Hirsch explains, and letting them deal with the consequences of their arguments, we are teaching them one of life's most crucial lessons-- that fighting never pays. Sara gets into a fight with her sister Rivka at 3 PM, declaring that she will "never, ever speak with you as long as I live!" but by 4 PM Sara realizes that the computer she needs to use to type up tomorrow's book report is in Rivka's room. Shimon fights with brother Moshe at 4 PM, telling him "you are the lowest scum that ever walked the face of this whole entire planet. I swear to G-d, I will never, ever, ever forgive you for this!" but by 5 PM realizes that he desperately needs to borrow Moshe's soccer ball to play with his friends outside. After children have gone through the humiliating and messy process of making up enough times, they learn that it's preferable to just try to live in peace in the first place. And what about children who never have to learn this lesson because their parents referee their inter-sibling struggles? As adults those grown children will fight with their spouses, bosses, neighbors, and whoever does anything that is not 100% to their liking. So, the next time your children fight, don't send them to their rooms without supper, don't scream at them to punch a pillow or "use their words" to get out their aggression, and don't get out your handy dandy water cannon from behind the fridge. Go into the kitchen, turn the music up load, wash a few dishes, and know that you are giving your children one of the greatest gifts a mom can give a child, the ability to live in peace with others. *Based on the class of Rabbanit Yemima Mizrachi, Parshat Korach 2010 **If a child is in danger of getting seriously hurt, then parental intervention is a must. Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Incendiary Mind

fight incendiary mind

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 09:21:31 +0000

Tell Me, How do you Raise a Kid Like This?

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 08:24:03 +0000
I don't remember the last time a video made me cry this hard. Watching Daniel, this 16-year-old boy who stood up to an angry Arab mob as he walked down the street holding an Israeli flag high and proud, is so phenomenally moving. Maybe it touches such a deep place in my heart because this video expresses the essence of what it is to be a Jew. Even when it's hard. Even when it's dangerous. Even when the whole, entire world is against you. Jewish moms everywhere salute Daniel, and also the Jewish mom and dad who managed to raise a son like this. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABjE_7uwA0I]

Palindrome of a Lost Generation

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 07:47:57 +0000
A palindrome, like the poem in this video, reads the same backwards as forward. This 1-minute video is brilliant and inspiring. Make sure you read as well as listen. (thanks to my friend Elana Mizrachi for sending this my way! Do you have a video/article/story/idea you would like to share with Jewish moms around the world? I would love to consider it for publication on this blog. Send it to me at jenny18@zahav.net.il) [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=42E2fAWM6rA]

The Evolution of Dad

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 08:51:02 +0000
The new movie "Evolution of Dad" is being released this Sunday in honor of Fathers Day. How amazing to discover that it was directed by Dana Glazer, a buddy of mine from almost 20 years ago at Bowdoin College! Today, Dana is a film director/stay-at-home dad who has made a movie about fathers like him, who have chosen to be more than just a paycheck or a footnote in their children's lives. How wonderful to find an article about Dana and see that after all of our deep conversations in the Bowdoin Dining Hall, our lives have taken a somewhat parallel route... [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hHK4ZKq0nI]

My Favorite Father's Day Video

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 09:07:02 +0000
Here's my favorite Father's Day video of all time "Still my Daddy." Song performed by Nachlaot's own Rabbi Yom Tov Glaser. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVQP6GL-Ps0]

hospital bed small

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 09:58:28 +0000

Rivka bat Yael Razel Update: Yonatan Razel Speaks in New Video about Rivki

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 10:03:40 +0000

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I feel like I spent this whole week with little Rivki Razel, Rivka bat Yael. I am in charge of making the movie for the Rachel and Leah Nursery School end-of-year party, so this week ganenet Rachel gave me all of the photos she had taken of the girls over the course of the year. Little Rivki is all over the photos: smiling, laughing with friends, playing with her cousins, Annael and Miriami, who also attend the same nursery school. And then I came to the photo of Rivki with her mother, Yael, who volunteered to chaperone the nursery school field trip, Rivki at Yael's side as they look at a computer. Volunteering to chaperone a field trip? What kind of mother does that? A better mother than me, that's for sure. Wow. And then this morning, I sat next to Rivki's aunt, Ricka, at Yoel's end-of-year party, and asked how Rivki is doing. I'm used to vague answers to this question along the lines of: "She's doing a little better, thank G-d, slowly slowly…" But Ricka reached into her purse for her IPhone and said, "Rivki's made a ton of progress over the last 2 weeks. Let me show you!" So for the first time since the accident I got to see Rivki! Another wow… Ricka showed me video footage of Rivki at the Alin Rehabilitation Hospital from this past Sunday. There was Rivki on the IPhone's screen straddling a large swing, swinging back and forth with her physical therapist behind her, smiling, looking around, laughing, looking amazingly similar to the pre-accident photos I had been organizing for the movie. And Yael, Rivki's eema, is absolutely beaming in 7th Heaven beside her. Now don't get me wrong. Doctors are warning Rivki's family that it should take at least a year of hard work for Rivki to regain the capabilities she had before the accident. She isn't walking, she isn't talking. She's got a very long way to go, and is still desperately in need of our prayers. And you should know that there are few things in the world that provide more comfort and hope to Rivki's parents than YOUR prayers, and the prayers of people like you all over the world. But, thank G-d, from what I saw in that video, it appears that things are definitely moving in the right direction. This past Sunday, Yonatan Razel, Rivki's father, was also hopeful when he spoke about Rivki's condition during a musical performance at Kfar Chabad. Yonatan said, "Several people asked me, so I'll just tell you briefly that our daughter has woken up. Her eyes are open, she smiles, she laughs, she cries, she recognizes us, she responds. She cries because I'm leaving. She moves things around. Thank G-d, we don't have words to thank G-d for everything He has done for our daughter. Even if I was thanking G-d from now until the end of my days, I wouldn't manage to thank Him enough." You can watch video footage of Yonatan Razel singing and speaking about Rivki at Kfar Chabad (his speaking appears at 9:30 in the video time code) at this link. So please, Jewish moms, keep Rivka bat Yael in your prayers, that she should be blessed with a complete and miraculous recovery! May we continue to hear good news from Rivki Razel!

Mommy Peptalk: The Professor's Awakening

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 09:25:20 +0000
Last week I attended a beautiful bris. The baby, the couple's first, was born because last year the mother watched THIS VIDEO. Wow! Enjoy! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4qtznqhcW8]

Mourning Rush Hour

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 10:27:08 +0000
This week, the New York Times parenting blog Motherlode asked for readers to send in their most poignant memories of final mothering moments…Here are a few that were posted: "Every time I get to smell the sweet aroma of a baby's head, it makes me sad that my now 4-year-old lost that smell without my knowing when. If I could have had one final huge inhale of his baby smell before it dissipated..." "My seven-year-old son no longer will let me hug or kiss him in front of his friends. I dread the day he no longer will let me hug or kiss him at all." "I remember standing in my driveway watching my only child, my daughter, back out and drive away in her first car that I had just bought her for her 17th birthday. The sheer joy on her face and my overwhelming sense of loss. Until I put those keys in her hand, I could still expect to be summoned for chauffeur duty. Some of our best talks were in the car." One reader wrote in that a child is like a comet passing through the earth's atmosphere who "swoops into your life, and all too soon accelerates back out again." Oy. These comments took me back to a wedding I attended 8 years ago when I was a seriously overwhelmed mother of 3 daughters: a 4-year-old, 2-year-old, and an infant. As I sat at my table with my teensy girls and fed my "big girl" bite-size pieces of schnitzel, I watched the large circle of friends dancing around the bride. Oh my Gosh, was she stunning. Looking back, Ilana was maybe the most beautiful bride I have ever seen. And then, off to the side I noticed a much smaller circle which included the bride's mother and her friends. Just a few years before, I realized, all of these mothers had been like me, struggling to navigate the traffic through the rush hour of motherhood, kids here, kids there, kids everywhere. And now, just a few years later, these mothers' homes, I realized, were less like crowded highways and more like a parking lot at 3 AM. Maybe these mothers, like the bride's mother, Rina, still had one child home, the lone 16-year-old eating Friday night dinner with eema and abba, the sound of silverware clanging in the newfound silence against Rina's china dishes brought over from her native London when she'd married an Israeli 30 years before. But more of those women had found themselves suddenly cast in a strange new role—matriarch of an empty nest- their kids away in the army, national service, university, yeshiva, or navigating rush hour traffic in a fledgling family of their own. The bride's mother, Rina, was SO happy. It was her daughter's wedding day, the day she had been praying for for so many years. But I watched Rina and her friends, and looked down at my own little daughters, and I wept over my plate of schnitzel and asparagus. As overwhelming and challenging and sleep-depriving as it was, I was bereft that the Weisberg family rush hour would, in the not so distant future, come to screeching halt. What intense yearning I felt at that moment for the life that I was living. For the beautiful views out the car window of my life, and for the beeping too. For the weekly trip to the swimming pool and for the traffic jams too. For the family sing-a-long to my kids' favorite warped Raffi tape and for the air-conditioner that broke on the hottest day of the year too. For all of it. For my life. For those children. For better and for worse. Want to get an elephant-sized dose of that "Yearning for Your Life" feeling like I got at that wedding? Watch this video. This is not a Jewish song ,and no haskamas for this video are presently forthcoming, but in my book this song and video are the Holy of Holies. Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Andreas

rush hour Andreas

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 10:29:45 +0000

report card pjern

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 08:23:33 +0000

What Grade Would You Get?

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 08:25:20 +0000
Would you give your life an A plus, a B minus, or just a measly Conditional Pass? Last month, 2000 American moms answered 100 questions in order to grade their lives. The results were pretty fascinating: -Moms generally think they are really good moms, giving themselves an average grade for parenting of 89.7%! -Moms think they're pretty much flunking at maintaining their own health (67.4 percent) and handling money (64.9) -Something surprising and encouraging. 85% of moms said their marriages are strong. 80% would walk down the aisle with the same Mr. Right, if they had to live their lives over again. -87% of moms say good nutrition for their kids is a top priority, but only 60 percent of moms eat healthy themselves. -Women with five or more kids pray 76% more often than women with one child (the obvious question, is this because women with five or more kids are almost certainly religious, or because we big family moms are desperately in need of more than our share of Divine assistance? My 2 cents, probably both.) -Moms of teenagers pray more often than other mothers. -The age of 16 (when children can get drivers licences in most states) is a peak time for prayer. The saddest statistic, I thought, is that the average overall grade for mothering satisfaction among American moms was just 76.5 percent, or a C+, and only 9 percent of American moms gave their lives an A. The survey creators at MomCafe.com saw some important common characteristics among America's happiest moms: 1. Connections outside the home (for example, friendships in one's, workplace, church/synagogue, or through social networking sites) 2. A sense of control in day to day life (i.e. living in crisis mode is not conducive to happiness) 3. Opportunities to express talents 4. Opportunities to feel challenged You can take a shortened version of the survey here, and grade your own life. I did it, and it was pretty eye-opening. It helped me to see what's going well in my life, and what still requires a bit of polishing or minor (or major) surgery. Take the survey and leave a comment to say what grade you give YOUR life… Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user pjern

Mommy Peptalk: The Fearful Stockbroker

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 08:19:39 +0000
What I told a young stockbroker who didn't want to give up "success" for motherhood. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5fPjGR-nBw]

"What Do You Do All Day!?"

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 08:26:02 +0000
This anonymous story has found it's way to my inbox several times over the last few years, but I love it, love it, love it anew every time. Enjoy! A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding to the entrance, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a Cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her in bewilderment and asked, "What happened here today?" She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?" "Yes", was his incredulous reply. She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it!!!" Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Ashleigh 290

messy table ashleigh290

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 08:30:56 +0000

What I learned from the Siamese Twins

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 09:11:00 +0000
This week I watched this ABC news report about Canadian Siamese twins conjoined at the brain, Krista and Tatiana Hogan. The truth is that I am quite squeamish, so this was a sort of tough video for me to watch. But I’m happy I did, especially as we head through the three weeks and towards Tisha B'Av. What, for G-d's sake, am I talking about? What's the Siamese twin- 3 Weeks connection? First of all, it is amazing to see how these twins, the only conjoined twins in the world to share a neurological connection, are able to see the world through each other's eyes and hear each other's thoughts and feel each other's feelings and sense each other's pain. What a tremendous living model, I thought, of unparalleled empathy and unity for these three weeks. A fixing for the hatred and divisiveness between Jews which brought about the destruction of the Temple. Secondly, it is incredibly moving to see the twins' parents' overwhelming love for them. While the hospital staff in the delivery room must have been pretty shocked and probably even repulsed at the site of these newborn twin sisters joined at the head, the mother, Felicia, tears up with emotion as she remembers the twins' birth, explaining "They were beautiful from the day they were born..." How wonderful to see the mother's intense love and fondness for her playful daughters as they chase around her living room. This reminded me of Hashem's love for his children—for us. And especially, it reminded me how much Hashem loves us when we have compassion for and love each other. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWDsXa5nNbI]

menorah drawer

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 11 Jul 2010 07:51:09 +0000

Private Practice: The Secret Lives of Intermarried Jewish Moms

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 11 Jul 2010 07:53:25 +0000
Thanks to Panteha Aronson of Hod Hasharon for sending me this article about the tragic lives of intermarried Jewish moms, who hide away their Jewishness from their husbands... A must read! Private Practice by Elizabeth Cohen We were invited to a Shabbat dinner, my daughter and I. It was at a brand-new home in a brand-new development in one of those suburb-of-a-suburb places where streets curve off one another in a seemingly infinite fashion, creating the sort of pattern you imagine might look like a leaf if viewed from space. When we arrived we found ourselves in a group of seven; three moms and four children aged 2 through 11. Where were the men? Playing golf, working, making art, anywhere but here. The men in this particular configuration are not Jewish, but we, their wives, are, hence our Shabbat evening out, a Judaic experience that felt a little sneaky, like a backroom poker game. Nobody to see us, nobody to witness, just us women, our offspring, a loaf of challah, and some wine, marking the holiday as we did as children but cannot do or do not do in the presence of our non-Jewish spouses. Our husbands don’t object to the keeping of Shabbat; they just don’t care about it. They would all prefer not to look on. You might wonder how we ended up married to men, so a-Jewish, so Jew-avoidant. Simple: When you are young you think you can handle anything. You think you can climb tall mountains, starve for your art, marry for love. What you don’t think of is what it’ll be like when you have children and want them to experience the same relationship with Judaism that you enjoyed as a child. Suddenly, having lived for art, married for love, climbed mountains, you find yourself living a paradox. Hiding your Judaic thoughts, objects, even your prayers... Read more of this article Photoillustration: Tablet Magazine; photos: iStockPhoto.

father son

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 10:06:08 +0000

father son

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 10:06:39 +0000

New Survivor Series for HUSBANDS! Funny!

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 10:07:42 +0000
Two weeks ago I gave birth to a newborn baby girl, which meant that I disappeared from my home for six whole days (3 days at the hospital and 3 more days at the Beit Hachlama/Recovery House). This funny anonymous email I received from my friend Sari Cohen of New Hampshire reminded me of my husband managing on his own with the kids while I was away, and why he was so extremely happy when I returned home! THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES: Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks. Each kid will play two sports and take either music or dance classes. There is no fast food. Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money. In addition, each man will have to budget enough money for groceries each week. Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time--no emailing. Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment. He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Emergency Room. He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a school function. Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside, and keeping it presentable at all times. The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn themselves with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished, and eyebrows groomed They must attend weekly school meetings and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting. They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:30 am. A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size, doctor's name, the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear, and what they want to be when they grow up. The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man left can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years, eventually earning the right to be called Mother! photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Insight Imaging: John A Ryan Photography

Mommy Peptalk: The Playground with the Red Slide

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 10:21:26 +0000
Reflections on my local playground and inspiring thoughts for surviving summer vacation. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BB_esftq1yo]

hospital bed small

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 08:55:28 +0000

Rivka bat Yael Razel Update: Rivki's Talking!

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 08:56:08 +0000
CLICK TO JOIN OUR E-MAIL LIST It's been 3 whole weeks since I sent a Rivka bat Yael Razel Update, which means that I, thank G-d, have three weeks worth of incredible news to share. -Three weeks ago, Rivki's doctors at Alin Hospital decided that Rivki's condition was stable enough for her to leave the hospital in order to spend Shabbats at home with her family. Rivki's parents and little sisters, Chana and Shoshana, have been so overjoyed to have her home for the last three Shabbats! -Two weeks ago, Rivki started pronouncing syllables. For example, she could fill in the final syllables of words from the Kiddush, "V'Shamru bnei Yisra…" and Rivki would finish off the word with "EL!" -Yesterday I ran into Savta Carol, Rivki's grandmother, and she told me some more incredible news. Rivki is TALKING! She can say, for example, "Good Morning!" "Hello Eema!" "Where is Savta?" "I'm hungry" and she has even started reciting blessings over food. She clearly recognizes the people around her and communicates with them. Rivki's speech is still very slow and somewhat slurred, but this is a tremendous breakthrough. Please take a moment to recite the short chapter of Psalms below for a speedy, complete and miraculous recovery for Rivka bat Yael. G-d willing, may the Razels have more good news to share with us in the coming weeks!

Tehillim

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 10:57:40 +0000

Mommy Peptalk: My Non-College Graduation

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 08:27:31 +0000
Reflections on my unusual college graduation and the upcoming fast of Tisha b'Av. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0zd677J0AA]

Wanna Trade?: 2 Kinds of Tisha b'Av Tears

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 10:37:48 +0000
CLICK TO JOIN OUR E-MAIL LIST I once had a neighbor whose life was in shambles. Nava's on-again, off-again boyfriend had finally flown the coop for good. She was living off of occasional unemployment checks and charity that barely kept food in her cabinets and a roof over her head. She hadn't spoken with her parents or two brothers in more than a decade, even though they all lived a short busride away. And she spent most Shabbat meals (when we didn't invite her) in the company of her best friend, her miniature poodle, Shuki. One morning, a few weeks after my second child was born, Nava and I were waiting together for the elevator. She was giving me a short update on her life, the latest report on her no-good, disappearing act of a boyfriend, some bitter reminiscences about her dysfunctional family, her plans for her fast-approaching 40th birthday. And then she paused. She nodded towards baby Hallel in her carriage, and then towards the locked door of my apartment, and with an ironic cocked eyebrow and half-upturned lip she said "Welcome to my life. Wanna Trade?" Before that moment, if you'd asked me how I was feeling, the honest answer would have been overweight and overwhelmed and as weepy as a woman surfing a tidal wave of post-partum hormones. But, at that moment, after Nava's "Wanna Trade," my life suddenly appeared so different. Through my neighbor's eyes, I saw my life as it really was. Every year, my teacher Rabbanit Yemima Mizrachi, teaches us the importance of crying on Tisha b'Av. She explains, year after year, that on Tisha b'Av we should cry for two things. And every year this shakes me up. First of all, we should cry for what we don't have. For the marriage, for the children, for the financial situation, for the job, for the home, for the life that bears so little resemblance to the one you dreamed of when you stood in that white dress underneath the chuppah with your husband. Secondly, Rabbanit Yemima explains, every Tisha b'Av, you should cry, as well, for what you do have, for your husband, your children, your aging parents, your home, your health, your life. As Nomi Shemer sang: על הדבש ועל העוקץ, על המר והמתוק על בתנו התינוקת שמור אלי הטוב שמור אלי על זה הבית, על הגן, על החומה, מיגון, מפחד פתע וממלחמה על כל אלה, על כל אלה שמור נא לי אלי הטוב Over the honey and the sting Over the bitter and the sweet Over our baby daughter Please watch over them, dear God Please, God, watch over this home, Over this garden, over this wall. Guard us from sadness, from sudden fears, From war. Over all of these, all of these, Please guard us, dear God. As Rabbanit Yemima tells us every year, in this world we own nothing. In this world, we are just renters who could find ourselves on the street at a moment's notice, just like the generation of the Destruction, who only learned to cry for what they had after it was going up in flames. This year, let's choose to cry for and to thank God for the blessings that fill our lives today instead. CLICK TO JOIN OUR E-MAIL LIST Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Samat Jain

crying Samat Jain

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 10:45:37 +0000

crying Samat Jain

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 10:48:55 +0000

crying Samat Jain

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 08:44:34 +0000

rabbi nivin

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 08:46:18 +0000

Elul is Coming: Join the New Chabura!

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 08:48:43 +0000
6 months ago, at the urging of a few moms on my mailing list, I joined Rabbi Aryeh Nivin's Personal Development Chabura. Looking back, I realize that have never participated in any class or course that has improved my life as immensely as this chabura. Highly, highly, highly recommended for every mom reading this. Because you were referred by a friend or teacher you are eligible to receive 10% off your registration fee. (Code: "Friend") Hoskamos available upon request A Preview of the Chabura and a list of Frequently Asked Questions are available at: http://days-of-awe.com/chaburas%20/index.htm newchabura@gmail.com • USA: 646-863-4123 • IL: 02-580-6406

Orthodox Home Birth on "A Baby Story"

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 09:42:42 +0000
RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS What a fantastic episode of "A Baby Story," featuring the home birth of an Orthodox mom in New York City. WOW! I certainly enjoyed watching this infinitely more than I enjoyed going through it myself 3 weeks ago! What a wonderful family, definite candidates for world's nicest family. And what a tremendous kiddush Hashem. Mazal tov! (I'm sending this in the Tisha b'Av newsletter, since Tisha b'Av is the anniversary of the beginning of the birth pangs of this long and excruciating exile. Like the Eisenbergs, may the Jewish people soon finally reach our own joyous birth/redemption as well!) Meet the Eisenberg Family [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtLyOyfHkZY] Early Labor [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ux9xlvqGuUY] Noam Elimelech's Birth (Get your tissues ready)[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ur5Urr_e1r0] (The Eisenbergs, Three Months after) [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15J778FO3i4]

roller coaster

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 09:09:04 +0000

The Truth about Birth

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 09:09:47 +0000
If you are pregnant, it's probably better to wait until after your birth to read this post...Sorry. Imagine that you are on a rollercoaster. The one with the 6-story high loop-de-loops, and your brother in the seat beside you saying: "Yanno, I heard someone had a heart attack on this thing last month." The rollercoaster starts out not so bad, sort of twisty and nauseating, but then the cars start going clickety-clickety against the wooden (rickety?) track as you start climbing slowly but surely towards the bungee-jump, blood-curdling scream descent. Your brother says something, but you can't hear a thing over the clickety-clickety and the screaming of the passengers in the front of the train who have already started plunging asphalt-ward. That ominous ascent, clickety clickety, is exactly how the final months of pregnancy leading up to the birth feel to me. I know there is no way to get off that rollercoaster. And wherever that rollercoaster is going, it's taking me with it. And that doesn't make me a very happy or cooperative passenger. I really do work on thinking positive. I go on a strict diet of gung-ho, ecstatic birth stories a la Hypnobirthing and Labor of Love and Ina May Gaskin. I am careful to steer clear of mothers with newborn babies at the playground, lest they had a bloodcurdling rollercoaster birth and not one of the "breathing in the colors of the rainbow" hypnobirthing type that I've been reading and dreaming about. But now that Tsofia's birth is exactly a month behind me (mazal tov!) I feel the time has come to state the truth: for the vast majority of women, myself included, birth feels more like the dreaded bungee-jump than the tie-dyed rushes of Spiritual Midwifery. At the hospital and Recovery Center I heard birth story after birth story which made my own birth sound about as painful as a manicure, and left me walking around in my two-size-too-big slippers with one word and one question echoing through my head. The word was "Brutal." And the question was "Why?" Why do we women have to suffer so much to do Hashem's will and to bring a new Jewish child into the world? And a month later, I still am far from finding a convincing answer (although I'd be happy to hear your thoughts on this matter in the comments section). But as time passes and proceeds to heal all wounds, and my husband and my kids and I celebrate the arrival of the world's newest Weisberg- caring for her and watching her grow and loving her, my months of obsessive focus on the birth, fearing it and then idealizing it and then resenting it, seem so ridiculously beside the point. Because the point, to quote Lisa Belkin, was "not to have 'a birth' but to have a baby." And what a beautiful baby she is. Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user AJU Photography.

Mommy Peptalk: Letting Dads be Dads

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 09:30:04 +0000
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-Tf42PM2b8]

woman reading paukrus

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 09:01:36 +0000

Recommended Mommy Reading

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 09:02:50 +0000
Some though-provoking parenting articles I read this week that I wanted to share with you moms: What if Mommy Didn't Love You? by Dr. Miriam Adahan About mothers who don't love their children and how adults who were neglected as children can become healed. The Idealized Birth by Lisa Belkin When the pursuit of the ideal birth goes too far. The comments on the article are especially interesting… The Kindergarchy by Joseph Epstein A grandfather reminisces about his own parents' hands-off parenting approach vs. today's helicopter parents. A very long article, but very worth it.

Dancing Auschwitz Controversy

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 09:31:09 +0000
I received this video in an Email a few weeks ago, with the assurance that it would make me laugh and make me cry. And it certainly did. Seeing this 89-year-old Holocaust survivor dancing his victory dance over Hitler with his daughter and grandchildren at Auschwitz moved me profoundly. But when I saw that this controversial video had sparked WWIII in the Youtube comments and in the Jewish community as a whole, I wasn't sure whether to post it or not. But in the end, I feel that this is a video that Jewish moms should see. Think about it. This survivor's victory is his Jewish children and grandchildren. What a crucial reminder for us moms: it's a reminder that every Jewish child you give birth to is another candle lit in a pitch-black room, another infusion of good into a world poisoned by so much evil. Another victory against that cursed man who almost succeeded in making sure that there would never ever be another Jewish child. (Thanks to Nachlaot sisters Yikrat Friedman and Noga Hullman for sending this video my way) [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFUS7y6Vd7g] AP interview with the video's stars, defending themselves against critics and explaining their motivations for making "Dancing Auschwitz" [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPgKloQMeh8]

Mommy Peptalk: Chelsea Clinton's Wedding Day

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 07:39:15 +0000
CLICK TO JOIN OUR E-MAIL LIST What Marc Mezvinsky gave up when he married Chelsea Clinton. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wglieFfZprY]

apple fernando

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 08:11:33 +0000

Mrs. Perfect

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 08:12:10 +0000
CLICK TO JOIN OUR E-MAIL LIST The perfect mother. I sighted her yesterday, walking with her family on their annual post-Tisha b'Av outing to the Jerusalem market. If you live in Israel, you know the type. A hard-core settler mom, either from the Shomron or from the south of Chevron. Either a teacher at her settlement's kindergarten or at the regional girls' high school. Either named Shvut or Hodaya or, possibly, Esther. The ties of her autumn-colors headscarf cascading down her back, her wind-blown beige skirt covering everything but the soles of her sandals. Her lips fixed in a determined smile that declared: "I adore summer vacation!" as she strolled with her arms around the shoulders of two of her 6 young sons, their tsitsit aflapping in the wind, as they headed en masse towards the market. And then she looked down towards the smallest son, maybe 3 years old, as he told her something with a teasing smile, and in response she patted his cheek and laughed with her head thrown slightly back. The other children started laughing as well, and her oldest, around bar mitzvah age, picked the 3-year-old up to carry him on his shoulders like a hero returned from battle. The perfect mom. The perfect family. I was in awe. And then a half a block ahead of the mom and her sons I saw him. The perfect mom's husband. I identified him by his big knit kippah and the gun tucked between his tsitsit and his blue plaid button-up shirt. Dad was walking beside yet another young son, and was pushing their lone daughter in a worn-out baby carriage. This family could not get any cuter. And then I saw it. The father turned around towards his wife, and shook an upturned hand at her in a way that yelled: "Don't you know that we're running late?! Why are you always so incredibly, unbearably slow?!" Tension within the perfect family. Cutting into the flawless, sparkling, ruby-red apple and finding the mealy, mushy inside. What a disappointment! As I walked through the market, considering the perfect family and it's unexpected downfall, I had a surprising thought. It occurred to me that when I walk down the street with my own children, people might look at me and my children like I looked at Mrs. Perfect. To the outside observer, things look so smooth, so easy, so flawless. But once you break through that ruby-red peel, you find a different story. You see the mealy and mushy inside that mom and dad and children bite into behind locked doors. The nachas and fun and friendship of family sprinkled with angry outbursts and teeth gritted in frustration and the boredom of an AC-less, endless summer afternoon. And it's not only me and Mrs. Perfect from the market, I realized. It's all of us. The wrap-packed outside, the air-brushed Sears photo appearances we put on for the outside world vs. the messy, hectic, overwhelming reality of raising a honest-to-goodness, real-life family. This morning, when I went to repair the delinquent screw on my glasses, I saw a poem on the wall dedicated to the World's Best Mom, and it made me cry. So I would like to dedicate this poem to the Perfect/Imperfect Mom in all of us. It went something like this: Dear Child, I know I am not perfect. I will never be as organized as some other mothers are. I will never be as good a cook as some other mothers are. I will never be as neat as some other mothers are. I will never be as patient as some other mothers are. I will never be as fun as some other mothers are. I will never be as creative as some other mothers are. I will never be as adventurous as some other mothers are. I will never be as calm as some other mothers are. I will never be as perfect as some other mothers are. But there is one thing at which I excel, and no other mother in the world can even come close. There is no other mother in the world who will ever love you, my dear child, as much as I do. And that means that for you, my child, I am the best the mother in the world. Love, Mom Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Fernando

Mila's Daydreams

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 09:18:36 +0000
Just yesterday I was thinking it would be so cute to make a little video of my month-old-baby, Tsofia. But pretty soon after I thought of the idea, I chucked it into my mind's recycle bin. I decided a video of Tsofia would be an incredibly boring video, because while my newest cutie occasionally nurses, or cries, or gets her diaper changed, at this stage of her life she mostly just sleeps and sleeps some more. But then I saw this video. IMHO, Adele Enerson has managed to create the world's best movie of a sleeping infant. This video features Adele's depictions of the imagined daydreams of her sleeping newborn daughter Mila. Music by Mila's dad. I think this is something else! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoQVa86EvPA]

Evian Babies now in YIDDISH! And more...

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 09:37:04 +0000
This is really adorable! The famous Evian babies rollerskating video now in YIDDISH! Who would have thought? [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BfFzzVClww] This video of the children of the Chabad emissaries all over the world brought tears to my eyes. We owe Chabad such a tremendous debt of gratitude for everything they do every day for the Jewish people. And just think of the self-sacrifice of these families and these young children living in all these far-flung places in order to bring the light of Judaism to lost Jews all over the world. (I even just found out that they are about to open up a Chabad house in my husband's Canadian, Jewish wasteland of a hometown, Kingston, Ontario! Amazing!) [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26EUsOqqCA0]

Making Every Day Count by Mrs. Miryam Swerdlov

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 19:18:19 +0000
I don't usually share full-length classes, but I watched this class yesterday as I sorted through a few weeks worth of laundry, and I just had to share it with every Jewish mom I know. I love hearing Miryam Swerdlov's classes-- she is very smart, very funny, and most importantly, speaks totally from her gut. She is 100% real. (I first heard Mrs. Swerdlov speak under very tragic circumstances, when I filmed her speak on the final day of the shiva of her granddaughter Shula Swerdlov z"l this past fall. I had no idea at the time that in addition to being Shula's grandmother she is also an internationally acclaimed lecturer). With Rosh Chodesh Elul only a few days away, this hour-long class presents powerful wisdom to get you spiritually in shape for Rosh Hashana by learning how to get the most out of every single day of your life. [vodpod id=Video.4156231&w=425&h=350&fv=width%3D100%25%26amp%3Bheight%3D100%25%26amp%3Benablejs%3Dtrue%26amp%3Bfile%3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.koshertube.com%2Fvideos%2Fseyretfiles%2Fcache%2Fpro%2Flocalfile%2F3d27811b073d6c38a05e707314df2b35.xml%3Frandom%3Dz8ypt%26amp%3Bimage%3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fkoshertube.com%2Fvideos%2Fseyretfiles%2Fuploads%2Fthumbnails%2Fuser_334%2Fuser_334_td759h6ofbs34j_1.jpg%26amp%3Bautostart%3Dfalse%26amp%3Blogo%3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.koshertube.com%2Fvideos%2Fcomponents%2Fcom_seyret%2Flocalplayer%2Flogo.png%26amp%3Bskin%3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.koshertube.com%2Fvideos%2Fbright.swf%26amp%3Brepeat%3Dfalse%26amp%3Bfullscreen%3Dtrue%26amp%3Bplugins%3Dgapro-1%26amp%3Bgapro.accountid%3DUA-6191813] [vodpod id=Video.4156222&w=425&h=350&fv=width%3D100%25%26amp%3Bheight%3D100%25%26amp%3Benablejs%3Dtrue%26amp%3Bfile%3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.koshertube.com%2Fvideos%2Fseyretfiles%2Fcache%2Fpro%2Flocalfile%2F9ec92a7d3ccee121aa4fcf4d305a3a3f.xml%3Frandom%3Dub9qi%26amp%3Bimage%3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fkoshertube.com%2Fvideos%2Fseyretfiles%2Fuploads%2Fthumbnails%2Fuser_334%2Fuser_334_td759h6ofbs34j_1.jpg%26amp%3Bautostart%3Dfalse%26amp%3Blogo%3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.koshertube.com%2Fvideos%2Fcomponents%2Fcom_seyret%2Flocalplayer%2Flogo.png%26amp%3Bskin%3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.koshertube.com%2Fvideos%2Fbright.swf%26amp%3Brepeat%3Dfalse%26amp%3Bfullscreen%3Dtrue%26amp%3Bplugins%3Dgapro-1%26amp%3Bgapro.accountid%3DUA-6191813]

The Minivan Rap

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 10:04:48 +0000
In need of a good laugh? Who isn't? Here's a video and an article that evoked serious chuckles here in the Weisberg home The so-sad-it's-funny article: "Sorry Kid, No License, No Lemonade" The funny video: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ql-N3F1FhW4]

Mommy Peptalk: 2 Top Tips to Survive Summer Vacation

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 10:08:34 +0000
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSeUd1FBsdw]

spaghetti

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 09:03:39 +0000

Mom's Overcooked Spaghetti

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 09:05:10 +0000
Overcooked spaghetti. That's how my heart feels sometimes. Jumbled emotions glued together in a confused clump. This morning, for example, I overheard the following conversation between 2 women at the gym as they changed into spandex leggings and t-shirts: Mrs. Tichel: Where have you been? I haven't seen you at the gym forever. Mrs. Sheitl: I wasn't here for a few months because we just married off a daughter. Mrs. Tichel: Mazal tov! But that wasn't easy, right? It's not easy to marry of a daughter. Mrs. Sheitl: You're right, it wasn't easy. It isn't easy. Now the house is E-M-P-T-Y! Mrs. Tichel: Believe me, I know what you mean. The moms left for pilates, and I was left with tears in my eyes, imagining my own 5 little girls grown up and setting off for the big wide world one by one. I imagined myself waking up one morning and finding my home, as my mom put it when her own nest emptied out, "Too clean and too quiet." The overcooked spaghetti in my chest screams out in terror: "Don't leave me! I don't want to be alone!" On the other hand… This week I did a little math, and I was shocked to discover that when my newborn baby Tsofia (universally known in the Weisberg home as Tsofi-leh) turns 22, I will be 60 years old. That means that when Tsofia is taking her first baby steps into adulthood, I will be eligible for a senior's discount. And that's a little scary. Make that a lot scary. Motherhood, it looks like, isn't just a stage of my life. It is my life. Period. Of course, life doesn't end at 60. But still, the overcooked spaghetti in my chest screams out in terror: "If I spend my entire life being a mom, when exactly will I figure out what I want to be when I grow up? When I'm past retirement age?" So there you go. For dinner tonight, and every night, the overcooked spaghetti of a mother's heart. Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user WEnDaLicious

mazal tov nicasaurus rex

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 08:45:44 +0000

Rivka bat Yael Update: Mazal Tov, It's a Boy!

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 08:46:05 +0000
CLICK TO JOIN OUR E-MAIL LIST On April 20th, 4-year-old Rivki Razel fell from the roof of her Jerusalem home while watching Israeli Independence Day fireworks with her father. Please add Rivka bat Yael to your prayers. Right after I gave birth 6 weeks ago, I had an intense, high resolution, adrenalin-clear dream. In my dream, Yael Razel (Rivki's eema) was overjoyed after giving birth to a baby boy (her first son after 3 daughters). And Rivki was in the dream too, alongside her eema, healthy, bright-eyed, smiling, just like she had never fallen off that roof on that nightmarish Independence Day. I'm not a prophetess or a Moroccan grandmother. The vast majority of my dreams remain dreams, and in most cases, it's better that way. But unlike most of my dreams, I couldn't stop thinking about this one. It seemed so clear, so real. So on my first day home from the hospital when I saw Yael picking up her 2 younger daughters from nursery school, I rushed over to her. At that point, Yael was in her 9th month of pregnancy and had already spent 10 weeks- all day, every day- at Rivki's bedside. And she looked it. Yael looked drained, tense, down. So unlike the pre-accident Yael, who was like walking sunshine. But when I told Yael about my dream, I saw a flash of the old Yael. She smiled that old smile and affirmed the dream with a heartfelt "B'ezrat Hashem!" Yesterday, for the first time in a month, I ran into Yael again at the health food store. She didn't respond to my "Shalom" and just looked blankly in front of her. What was wrong, I wondered. After a few seconds, she turned to me with her old sunshine smile and said, "Sorry I didn't respond, I was in the middle of a contraction…" Wow! The day before I saw Yael I had gotten an update on Rivki's condition, which I heard had been improving slowly but surely. Rivki has started sitting by herself, and week by week her speech has been becoming clearer and more fluent. She seems to be mentally all there, not a small thing following a traumatic brain injury, but she still isn't walking on her own, and spends 5 nights a week at Alin Hospital (she spends 2 nights a week at home) where she is on an intensive rehabilitation therapy schedule. In other words, while there has been tremendous, and even miraculous progress, little Rivka bat Yael is still desperately in need of our prayers for a speedy and complete recovery. But there was one other question I really wanted to ask Yael directly. Rivki is one of my daughter Moriah's best friends in nursery school, and she has been eagerly awaiting her return since the accident. So between contractions, I asked Yael: "Any chance Rivki will be coming back to nursery school this year?" I assumed the answer would be a tentative "We'll see, maybe after Passover?" but I was really surprised and encouraged by Yael's optimistic response: "We hope so. She wouldn't be coming full time, of course. But maybe she'll start coming a few times a week after the High Holidays?" Thank G-d! Baruch Rofeh Cholim! And this morning, I screeched with joy when I heard even more good news. Last night, on Rosh Chodesh Elul, Yael gave birth to a healthy baby boy! A dream come true for the Razels and for me too. I once learned that Rosh Chodesh Elul is one of the most important days of the year, a day when a person's fate and reality can switch from one extreme to the other. From sickness to health. From sadness to joy. From darkness to light. And I pray that this birth of a long-awaited son on Rosh Chodesh Elul is a sign of the abundance of health, blessings, and good news awaiting Yael, Yonatan, Rivki, and the entire Razel Family this coming year and always.

rejection letter

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 08:51:12 +0000

Our First Rejection

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 08:52:18 +0000
CLICK TO JOIN OUR E-MAIL LIST Rejection. And 8 years later it still stings. The gan's director, the dream nursery school for our 4-year-old firstborn daughter, had put her foot down. Hadas Weisberg was not welcome. Our rejection, I assume, was based on defects so numerous that it is hard to enumerate them all here. But here's the short list for starters: -My husband wore the wrong kippah -My husband taught the wrong subjects at the wrong yeshiva -We lived way over on the wrong side of Jaffa Road -My husband's clothing was all wrong -My clothing was even more all wrong But we really, really wanted to get Hadas into that gan. It was just two blocks away from our home. My husband and I really admired and felt connected to a few families that sent daughters there. And also, of course, having a daughter who would know a bit of Yiddish sounded incredibly, irresistibly cool. So we persisted. A rabbi Josh is close to from her community called Rebbetzin Cohen* to plead our case. And the following week, Rebbetzin Cohen reluctantly relented. Josh and I were thrilled. And in the end, it turned out we were right to push. Hadas' Chassidishe teachers were the absolute best. The 18 girls in the gan were beyond adorable with their little girl ponytails and knee socks pulled high. And most importantly, I still believe that that year at Gan Sara* played a significant role in shaping Hadas into the special girl she is today. But the truth is that the whole application process left its scars. Not that I couldn't sympathize with Rebbetzin Cohen's point of view. I understand that the she felt like her Yiddish-y culture was under siege, and that a certain amount of xenophobia was warranted to maintain and protect her secluded island of shtetl from a raging sea of modernity. And I guess, in a certain way, that raging sea of non-shtetl-ness included the Weisbergs. But still, and to this very day, when I see Rebbetzin Cohen coming my way on the street, I feel bad. I tug up my collar, tug down my headscarf, and profoundly regret my lack of socks. I know that she thinks my shirt is too bright, and that my headscarf is too colorful, and that she would never, ever let a daughter of hers wear a denim skirt, like mine. Every time I see her, it's like Rebbetzin Cohen is rejecting me and my family all over again. But recently, I saw Rebbetzin Cohen on my way to the market, and something switched inside me. Instead of her diplomatic yet scornful nod, I focused, instead, on Hashem looking down on me from up in Heaven. Hashem, I knew, doesn't just see my shirt and scarf and skirt. He sees my heart, and how much I yearn to be good and to become better. And that feeling of G-d's embrace, G-d's love, warmed me, comforted me, protected me all the way past that diplomatic yet scornful nod and home again. Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Mouse

Mommy Peptalk: Gorilla Thoughts

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 09:11:01 +0000
How to declaw the negative thoughts that can destroy our lives. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHlrnPFnOOI]

Great Elul Videos

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 09:25:53 +0000
Eye to the Sky: An inspiring new video to get us moms into an Elul frame of mind, with music by Tsiona Achishena and images by Sheva Chaya (who designed the awe-inspiring graphic at the top of this blog). Enjoy! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4MUwF7BzPI] Oy, does the song Oyfen Pripetchik make me cry, especially now that Yoel just started learning "Dem Aleph Beis" in his new cheider on Rosh Chodesh Elul, just like his great-great grandfathers and the boys in this song. This song is dedicated to all you moms out there who also sent off your sons for their first day back at school this past week. (Scroll down for lyrics and translation.) [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t1UB8mSVL5w] Yiddish - ON THE WOODEN STOVE ON THE HEARTH A fire burns on the hearth and it is warm in the little house. And the rabbi is teaching little children the alphabet. Remember, children, remember, dear ones, what you learn here. Repeat and repeat yet again, komets alef-o. Learn, children, don't be afraid every beginning is hard. Lucky is the Jew who studies Torah. what more do we need? When, children, you will grow older you will understand, how many tears lie in these letters and how much crying. When, children, carry on the exile, in torture, you will gain strength from these letters look inside them! Learn, children, with enthusiasm, as I instruct you. The one who learns Hebrew better will receive a flag. OYFN PRIPETCHIK אױפֿן פּריפּעטשיק Oyfn pripetchik brent a fayerl un in shtub is heys. Un der rebbe lernt kleyne kinderlekh dem alef-beyz. Gedenkt'zhe, kinderlekh, gedenkt'zhe, tayere, vos ir lernt do. Zogt'zhe nokhamol un take nokhamol, komets alef-o. Lernt, kinderlekh, hot nit moyre yeder onheyb iz shver. Gliklekh iz der yid vos lernt toyre, vos darfn mir nokh mer? Az ir vet, kinderlekh, elter vern, vet ir aleyn farshteyn, vifil in di oysyes lign trern un vifil geveyn. Az ir vet, kinderlekh, dem goles shlepn, oygemutshet zayn, zolt ir fun di oysyes koyech shepn - kukt in zey arayn! Lernt, kinderlekh, mit groys kheyshik, azoy zog ikh aykh on. Ver s'vet beser vun aykh kenen ivri, der bakumt a fon. reprinted from www.Hebrewsongs.com

woman closeup

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 10:16:42 +0000

The Steipler's 4 Mothering Rules

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 10:18:22 +0000
Yoel's new teacher, Ganenet Mindy, just passed out these 4 parenting tips from the Steipler Gaon (Rabbi Yaakov Yisrael Kanievsky): The Steipler Gaon taught: 1. Children who grow up in a home where the mother says every word of her prayers will understand Mishna and Gemara better than any other child. 2. If a mother prays every day and raises her eyes to Heaven, her children will be more successful than other children. 3. A mother's recitation out loud of the blessing "Shehakol Nihyeh b'Dvaro" in her home does more to educate a child than any educational tape in the world. 4. Children who grow up in a home where the mother recites out loud Birkat Hamazon, the blessing after meals, will be guarded from illnesses, car accidents, and will receive tremendous protection from Heaven. Several times over the years I've received the excellent advice to try to become just 1% better every day. So maybe each of us can try to take on just one of these tips from now until Rosh Hashana? I think I'm going to try the one about saying the "SheHakol" blessing out loud...What about you?

Rivka bat Yael Razel Update: More Mazal Tov! The Bris

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 09:21:09 +0000
[caption id="attachment_1424" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Paul Jacobson"][/caption]CLICK TO JOIN OUR E-MAIL LIST Now I know what it will feel like when Moshiach comes. I know what it will feel like when after 2000 years of crusades and pogroms and wars and at least one nearly successful attempt at genocide, the Jewish people will wake up one morning to discover that overnight the world became peaceful and perfect after millennia of suffering. And I also know now that the "Shehechiyanu" we will recite on that unparalleled Messianic morning will sound exactly like the booming, tear-laced, from-the-bottom-of-your-heart Shehechiyanu that Yonatan Razel (the father of Rivka bat Yael) recited this morning at the bris for his newborn son, Moshe Yosef. The main reason this bris was so extraordinarily exceptional was that the newborn baby was not the star of the occasion. "It's a good thing he's too young to notice…" Yael laughed through her tears when I pointed this out to her. Little Rivki Razel, who doctors were unsure would even survive after she fell from her family's roof 4 months ago, was at the bris, looking radiant in her pink dress and red hat holding her newborn brother. Rivki seemed calm and happy and even took a few steps but she mostly just sat and enjoyed the company of her new baby brother and her sisters and her cousins and the guests who cried and cried with disbelief as they enjoyed their first glimpse of the miracle girl, the little girl who is walking proof that G-d hears our prayers. I want to thank you, Jewish moms, for your prayers over the past months and in the months to come for a complete recovery Rivka bat Yael. And thank you, Hashem, for the joy you brought today to the holy Razel family and our whole neighborhood. May this bris be just a small taste, G-d willing, of good things to come for the Jewish people and the whole world…

bris paul jacobson

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 09:26:24 +0000

Mommy Peptalk: The 1% Solution

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 09:44:07 +0000
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The easy way to become a truly better person this Elul. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wd-3erl4N00]

HELP ME!

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 10:17:37 +0000
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Follow your passion.* Do what you love and do it with everything you've got. For me, inspiring you Jewish moms is my passion. My yeud. My mission in life. After I gave birth 2 months ago, I received a few really sweet, kind Emails from moms on my weekly mailing list advising me that I should take a longer "maternity leave" from my blog in order to rest up and get my energy back. What those well-intentioned moms didn't understand is that working on this blog doesn't drain me of energy, in fact, the opposite is true. Making you moms smile every week is what makes me smile. Inspiring you every week is what inspires me. But I would like to ask you a small favor, dear Jewish moms. If this blog has helped you at any point over the past year, I would like to request that you help me to reach more moms by telling 5 other Jewish moms about this blog and my weekly newsletter. All you need to do is press this button and start sharing:
At present, 800 Jewish moms subscribe to this blog's weekly Email newsletter. My dream is to have 1600 weekly newsletter subscribers by Chanukah. That means we're already half way there! But I can't make this dream a reality without your help. So please help to spread the word to 5 other mothers so that I can better fulfill my purpose in this world, and so that more Jewish moms out there can be happier Jewish moms. Your friends (and I) will thank you for it. *Quoted from Joseph Campbell. Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Dimitri N.

help dimitri N.

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 10:26:06 +0000

back to school avolore

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 08:55:32 +0000

My Favorite 4 Back to School Tips from R. Yemima Mizrachi

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 08:57:30 +0000
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This month, the newspaper Makor Rishon named my teacher and mentor Rabbanit Yemima Mizrachi as the third most influential religious woman in Israel! Mazal tov, Harabbanit Yemima! (Although I'm still a bit upset about this whole third place thing… Rabbanit Yemima should have been number 1! I guess there's always next year…) Here are Rabbanit Yemima's Top 4 Back to School Tips for the new school year. 1)Wrap them in Prayer – Every morning, before your children rush out to the schoolbus or carpool or whatever, make sure to say a short blessing over them. Rabbanit Yemima recommends reciting the Priestly Blessing, which she says every morning for each of her own children: יְבָרֶכְךָ יהוה וְיִשְׁמְרֶךָ יָאֵר יהוה פָּנָיו אֵלֶיךָ וִיחֻנֶּךָּ: יִשָּׂא יהוה פָּנָיו אֵלֶיךָ וְיָשֵׂם לְךָ שָׁלוֹם You can also add a tiny request for any specific needs that child has…that your son's teacher will adore him this year, that your daughter will make some great friends this year, that this will be the year that your son will start loving gemara at least as much as his Gameboy. Rabbanit Yemima says:"A child whom you haven't wrapped up with a small prayer is, in fact, leaving the house naked. It is your job to make him or her a coat of prayer to wear every single day…" 2) Watch your Tongue- You can't stand your daughter's new teacher. You think she's a witch who would have done the teaching profession a favor by retiring shortly after the Cuban Missile Crisis. It's OK to think that. You can even do what you can behind the scenes to improve the situation. But never, ever, EVER speak negatively about a teacher in front of a child. By doing so, you are creating a child who will never be able to absorb wisdom from any teacher or adult at all, G-d forbid. 3)Buy New- When you buy school books for your children, and the salesperson offers you the shiny, hear-the-spine-snap, new workbook or the dog-eared, sort-of erased answers, used workbook, spend the extra money to buy the new one. Ditto for the best, state-of-the-art erasers, pens, notebooks etc. Why spend the extra money for the new and best and fanciest you ask? Because 1)Your extra investment will send your children the message that school and learning are among the most important things in life, and 2)Anyway you aren't the one paying for those books, or fancy erasers and backpacks. Hashem pays us back for all of our children's school expenses. As Rabbanit Yemima says, "I always tell them in the store to write out the receipt to the Ribbono shel Olam." 4) Accompany them- I know, I know, it's the hardest time of the day. Your son is rushing out to the schoolbus, and at that same moment your daughter can't find her gym shoes, and your baby is crying for the pacifier. But make sure to accompany that rushing-to-the-schoolbus child at least 2 steps out the door. This accompaniment and your blessing will guard that child from danger for the whole day. May Hashem bless all of our children starting school this coming week with a year bursting at the seams with good friends, good teachers, passion for learning, and absolutely everything good. Learn more about Rabbanit Yemima and her classes at www.parasha.org Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Avolore

angry child pfau

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 09:13:23 +0000

Yoel's Terrible Threes

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 09:13:58 +0000
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Yoel started his terrible twos on his 3rd birthday. Emboldened by his brand-new peyos and big-boy kippa, this past spring Yoel suddenly discovered the untold joys of "NO!", "I DO IT MYSELF!" and generally demanding that things be done exactly the way he wants, exactly when he wants to do them. This morning there was more of the usual. Yoel wanted oatmeal, make that cornflakes, make that oatmeal, make that cornflakes. Then Yoel wanted milk, make that apple juice, make that milk, make that apple juice. Then he insisted on "I do it myself!" washing his new fire-engine placemat in the sink. There was good news and bad news. Yoel stayed pretty dry but he had flooded the kitchen floor. Very likely the sweetest moment of my day is that moment when, after humus has been successfully smeared onto sandwiches, little bellies have been sufficiently filled with oatmeal/cornflakes/oatmeal/cornflakes, and clothing has been put on after Eema has performed her never-fails one-woman good cop/ bad cop routine, my kids and I are able to step out of our front door into the life-giving fresh air of a Jerusalem morning. This morning, like every morning, I set off with my kids down the block, and Yoel's cheider was already in sight. I could already taste sweet freedom- the quiet breakfast, the hours on the computer, the short workout at the gym that awaited me. The Statue of Liberty on the horizon after a morning spent in steerage getting elbowed by the huddled masses. And then Yoel let go of my hand, and grabbed onto my waist from behind, stepping on the backs of my sandals so it was hard to walk. The Statue of Liberty retreated beyond the horizon. This was a morning that just refused to end. And then I saw the man on the bench. The man had shoulder-length, paper-white hair, and wore a light linen shirt and loose beige pants. His eyes were closed, his lips were turned upwards in a beyond-this-world grin, and he held his thumbs and tips of his fingers together so they formed an upside-down heart. There he was, meditating right there outside of Yoel's cheider. And at that moment, it hit me. Who was really growing spiritually at that moment? Who was being pushed to the limit? Who was being forced to overcome anger? Frustration? Chronic self-absorption? Who was being challenged to become a better person, month by month, day by day, minute by minute. I'm sure you know the answer, Jewish mom. But I'll tell you anyway. Despite what the world might think, the answer wasn't Mr. Nirvana Guru sitting on his mental mountaintop contemplating Karma and the meaning of nothingness. The answer was this Jewish mom with a 3-year-old wrapped around her waist, and a trail of spit-up running down her back. The answer is me. And you. Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Pfau

Mazal tov, Daniel Pereg!

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 08:16:38 +0000
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I can’t remember the last time a video made me cry that hard. Watching Daniel Pereg, the 16-year-old boy who stood up to an angry Arab anti-Israel mob in LA as he walked down the street holding an Israeli flag high and proud, was so phenomenally moving. And the video of Daniel didn't only move me. Daniel Pereg's bravery and idealism were so awe-inspiring that since June over 780,000 people have watched the video featuring him YouTube. And this week, Daniel decided to return his body to the place where his heart has already been for many years. This week, 16-year-old Daniel Pereg arrived with a one-way ticket to Israel. He is planning on studying in a yeshiva in Jerusalem and then joining the army when he turns 18. In the army, Daniel would like to serve in Intelligence, where he hopes his knowledge of Persian will be an asset in gathering intelligence on Iran. Mazal tov, Daniel! Welcome home! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABjE_7uwA0I] If you liked this post, don't forget to "Like" it and "Share" it below:)

cradled flower

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 10:05:45 +0000

From Cradle to Grave

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 10:06:29 +0000
[caption id="attachment_1490" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Courtesy of Flickr.com user purplemattfish"][/caption]I met two moms at the playground yesterday. One new, one old. The new mom was Sara. I met Sara for the first time about a year ago when I witnessed her sprinting for half an hour straight on the treadmill. Plodding along beside her, I felt like a carbon monoxide spewing VW Bug in the wake of an eagle soaring silent towards the clouds. The day before Sara gave birth to her first child last month, I saw her still sweating away on the elliptical, bent over the handlebars like a birthing woman during a contraction. If I hadn't known Sara was pregnant, I wouldn't have even noticed. Sara's belly looked no bigger than a tennis ball stuck into the waistband of her sweatpants. But the Sara I saw yesterday at the playground yesterday was no longer soaring towards the clouds. Sara stood by the playground's entrance, bouncing from leg to leg as she cradled her newborn son in her arms. Sara tried to give her baby a pacifier, but he spit it out. Sara looked like she hadn't slept since Tisha b'Av. "The doctors say it's his stomach," she told me, "but I think that's what they always say when they don't know why a baby is crying all the time. I think he's just the kind of baby who likes to be held all day." Sara looked at her little boy with eyes full of aggravation, love, defeat. I began playing the experienced mother. Maybe she could borrow a baby swing? Or what about one of those vibrating bouncy chairs? For my baby, a bouncy chair had worked wonders. But Sara didn't want to hear any more recommendations. She had already heard enough do-this, do-that from her mother, her mother-in-law, her older sister, her neighbor with the 7 kids who all slept through the night at the age of 4 weeks. Sara left, but I couldn't stop thinking about this woman with the strength of an Olympian who was discovering that the hardest thing she had ever done in her whole life was take care of a baby no bigger than a china doll. And I thought of the elemental force of a mother's love—superhuman, fierce, undying… And then Rebecca sat on the bench next to me with her grandchildren. Rebecca with the jokey fried-green-tomatoes Georgia accent mismatched with the saddest eyes I ever saw. "I used to live in Efrat, near my married daughter and these kids," Rebecca told me, "but then my husband got sick, and then I was on my own. I had to leave. I just couldn't stand the sympathy anymore. Everyone stopping by, everyone feeling sorry for me. Enough. Enough." Rebecca looked over with a hint of a smile at her oldest grandson who sat beside his grandmother in silence. "I moved to Jerusalem last year, and I've never looked back. I love it here…" she said, leaving a small pause between the words "I-love-it-here" for emphasis, but her sad eyes looked here, there, everywhere except into mine. "Where do your other children live?" I asked her. "One son is in Givatayim, and my other son is in Mt. Herzl…" Mt. Herzl. My brain shuffled through it's rolodex of Israeli settlements, cities, neighborhoods…Mt. Herzl brought up the image of a yuppy-full, teeth-white apartment complex near Beit Hakerem. But then that imaginary image gave way to the real Mt. Herzl, row after row after row of graves of once and still beloved sons and brothers and husbands who lost their lives serving in the Israeli army. Later yesterday afternoon, I Googled Oded Cohen.* Killed in 2004 in the Gaza Strip. At his funeral, his older brother addressed Oded directly: "Oded, we didn't dream in our blackest dreams that we would have to stand on this Mount to say 'goodbye' to you. How can we say 'goodbye' to an angel like you? How did you turn from a child whose cheeks we loved to pinch into a soldier? Oded, you will always be with us, deep inside us. We just have one small request from the Creator of the World: Please watch over our little brother." The weeping only started, for some reason, several hours later at the market. I was sorting through tomatoes, too hard, too mushy, would be perfect without that puncture hole, when the tears began to fall and my face felt hot and red from the pain I felt. And I thought again of a mother's love—superhuman, fierce, undying. From cradle to grave. If you liked this post, don’t forget to “Like” it and “Share” it below:) *Identifying details have been changed

10 Organizing Secrets for a 3-Day Yom Tov

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 07:28:35 +0000
[caption id="attachment_1499" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Photo by Flickr.com user joshbousel"][/caption]CLICK TO JOIN OUR WEEKLY E-MAIL LIST
A guest-posting by Rivka Slatkin of JewishLifeOrganized.com At the end of every summer, I find it intensely challenging to transition into Rosh Hashana "prep" mode. I don't know if it's the lazy days of summer, or just an initial feeling of overwhelm towards the tasks that must all get completed before Rosh Hashanah, but as my readers on JewishLifeOrganized.com know, I like to tackle challenges head-first! I think, most probably, that any feelings of "avoidance" come from feeling scattered; not really knowing how and where to start a large job or project. To combat this scattered feeling, I've found it very helpful to play motivational games like sitting down with a pad of paper and a timer to see how many holiday-prep tasks I can list before the timer goes off. For our purposes, I'd like to make a list of 10 tasks based on the acronym C.H.A.G.- which I use as a basis for my preparations for all Jewish holidays. C-Cuisine This year, as Rosh Hashanah is a 3-day Yom Tov, there is much food prep that needs to get accomplished. This week is really the final week we have to prepare so roll up your sleeves, take a deep breath, and strut your stuff ladies! Tip #1- Every night this week, throw a meal into your crockpot and in the morning, turn the crockpot off. By lunchtime, your food will be cool enough to freeze. Go online and search for crockpot recipes that excite you, for instance- chicken with potatoes, pepper steak, beef eggplant and garlic sauce. Most meat dishes do really well in the crockpot as long as you follow the recipe and don't overcook them. No, they will not come out like cholent! I love this tip because all of the main dishes will be cooked and frozen by Shabbos. Label your aluminum tins or freezer bags, and enjoy pulling dishes out of your freezer when Yom Tov comes. Tip #2- Prep all of your ingredients. Most recipes you prepare will require onions or possibly carrots or garlic. Cut an entire sack of onions or potatoes or garlic heads in advance, put them in a bag and store in the fridge. When you start cooking, you will have minimal vegetable chopping to do since you've "prepped" your veggies already. Tip #3-Bake for the entire month of Tishrei. Bake in the largest quantities possible to last the whole month of Tishrei. We bake challah to last for all Shabbasos and days of Yom Tov so we don't need to worry about baking for the rest of the month. It's relatively simple to double, triple, quadruple challah recipes or baking recipes so think about what your family likes to eat frequently and make it for the month instead of baking smaller recipes one at a time. Another item that works well in my house is Gefilte Fish Muffins. Never had a gefilte fish muffin? Simply defrost 10 or more bags of gefilte fish loaves, add onions, celery, whatever vegetable you like and spices and bake in muffin tins. That's your fish dish for Tishrei! Tip #4-If you want your baked goods to vary and not be the same for each meal, bake many pans of brownies for instance, and spread different toppings on them when you are ready to serve. For instance, a brownie spread with caramel and chocolate on top will taste very different than a brownie with strawberry crumb topping. I learned this tip after going to an engagement party that appeared to have many, many different trays of cakes and cookie bars, only to have learned from the mother in charge of the baking that they were all Duncan Hines brownies that she topped differently from each other! I never would have known because they all tasted different and looked completely different. You could do this with a basic yellow cake recipe or even a basic cookie dough recipe. H- Halacha- I call the H in the C.H.A.G acronym "Halacha," referring to any of the laws or time-sensitive items you must complete before the holiday. Tip #5- Make sure you have your Eruv Tavshillin (defined below) prepared so you can cook for Shabbos on Yom Tov. Also make sure you have enough Yarzheit candles, and other items that you will need for Yom Tov. Make decisions about how you will be warming your food up on Yom Tov and Shabbos- whether it's a burner with a blech, an oven on Shabbos mode, or an electric warming plate. Realize that your home will get warm with too many of these options being used and you could risk power issues, so plan to discuss this ahead of time with all the parties involved. Tip #6- Plan ahead for what your days will look like for the children when you or your husband are in shul. Do you have babysitting arranged in advance? Do you know which neighbors are going out of town and which will be home for the holiday? Perhaps you want to have new board games on hand for the children to play or fun activities for them to be able to do something on their own while you sit down and daven. Snacks? A must. Be prepared to have enough snacks on hand for the kids to munch on during the long days. A- Aesthetics- I like to think of the aesthetics section as referring to how you, your spouse, your kids, and your home look. Tip #7- Do you have enough clothing for all members of your family? Perhaps you want to make a clothing size chart for everyone- making sure everyone has polished shoes, clean socks, long enough pants, and dresses for the upcoming holidays. Hair bands and accessories, clean yarmulkes, belts, etc. Tip #8- As far as your house goes, it can be so much fun to decorate using the special dishes and items you pull out once a year, such as the honey dish, the esrog box, the sukkah decorations. I love looking at websites like Better Homes and Gardens or CreativeJewishMom.com for making more projects with the kids if I have time or even just interesting table settings or new furniture arrangements. Tip #9- If you begin working on your house and realize that you could have started cleaning and organizing earlier and missed the opportunity, no worries! Simply make a list as you are walking around the house of all of the things or pockets of clutter that annoy you. If you write them on paper and get them out of your head, you won't worry about them constantly because you've "assigned" them to a piece of paper. As a general rule, obnoxious mental clutter impacts your davening, your relationships, and your overall attitude, things you definitely want clean in time for the High Holidays! You will deal with this list after Rosh Hashanah, or even post Simchas Torah. G-Guests Tip #10- Having guests can sometimes be a lot of work. Whenever I have guests, especially sleepover guests, and they ask me what they can do or bring, I always say, "Bring whatever you cannot live without." I've learned this from those times when guests requested things that I didn't have and were completely disappointed by the lack of their favorite items. Of course, there was nothing for me to do since it was either Shabbos or Yom Tov when they were staying with me. They might want, for example, items like Diet Coke, Earl Grey Tea, oatmeal for breakfast. If your guest is used to daily creature comforts, try to encourage him or her to remember what those comfort items are and to please bring them along. While this list is in no way meant to be a comprehensive master list (like the one you can get at my website JewishLifeOrganized.com) I hope these ten tips are helpful for you in creating a framework for your Yom Tov preparations. I know preparing for Rosh Hashana may feel overwhelming, however as Jewish moms we are used to facing and accomplishing amazing feats, and by being organized we will be able to replace the stress and distress of this coming week with calm and even joy. Chag Sameach! Rivka Slatkin is the founder of www.Jewish-Life-Organized.com-Creating Confident, Capable, and Happy Jewish Homemakers! Readers of JLO are currently compiling a Master List for Rosh Hashanah which you can contribute ideas to and receive a *free* copy of when you subscribe to our mailing list at jewish-life-organized.com. You will also receive a copy of Shabbos Perfectly Organized, another essential *free* digital downloadable book to assist you with your weekly Shabbos preparations. CLICK TO JOIN OUR WEEKLY E-MAIL LIST
Definition of Eruv Tavshilin- In order to cook and prepare food on YomTov for Shabbos, the Rabbis enacted this special measure which should be done on before the beginning of YomTov. It consists of taking a challah or a matzah along with one cooked food (such as fish, meat, or an egg) and saying a special blessing and declaration (as found in most machzorim or siddurim). The eruv tavshilin should be set aside before Yom Tov and eaten on Shabbos.

apple honey joshbousel

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 07:49:27 +0000

Rosh Hashana: The Tipping Point

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 09:03:57 +0000
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Instead of my regular weekly peptalk, I am sending out this Aish.com Rosh Hashana video which gave me goosebumps and moved me deeply. A peptalk for the entire Jewish people. Enjoy and shana tova! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dgQdBQj50Mw]

Mommy Peptalk: Rosh Hashana and the Missing Thousand

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 07:46:09 +0000
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=43k9mRPX5qw]

shoes sami taipali

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 19:58:25 +0000

The Race to Reproduce: One Mother's Struggle with Secondary Infertility

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 20:00:52 +0000
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A few weeks ago I received a heart wrenching letter from a young mom who has been married for 6 years and has one child. She wrote that she has suffered 2 miscarriages, and that her distress about those lost pregnancies is made worse by, what she describes as, "The Race to Reproduce." A close relative of hers frequently makes comments like, "You know so and so? She's been married only 3 years, and she already has 3 children!" And her own mother is pressuring her to stop nursing her 2-year-old so that she can, as she describes it, "Catch up." When I read the following article by a mother struggling with secondary infertility, I knew that it was the perfect article to send to that young mother, as well as a perfect response to her insensitive relatives. Our Sages teach us that every Rosh Hashana 180 women infertile women become fertile. May the author of this article be among them, just like Chana and Sarah Imenu whom we will read about on this holy day! Raising a Small Family in a Large Family World by Tzippora Price As a community we love big families. Bigger is better, and supersize is best. We wonder how they do it. How do these “superwoman” cope, we mutter to each other as they pass by, pushing a double buggy, and trailed by their large brood like little chicks after mother hen. “She deserves a medal,” my neighbor commented once, when a mother of six children under six passed by us. “Perhaps.” I granted her. “Yet there are others who also deserve medals,” I pointed out. “There are people who quietly shoulder on unnoticed, their heartbreak not as apparent as those who are childless, but who are heartbroken nonetheless, by their failure to have more than one or two kids.” It is a condition that is known as secondary infertility, and it refers to the onset of infertility in a woman who has already had children. In our case, although we have been married over ten years, we only have two children. I cringe every time someone I meet asks me how many children we have, because the numbers don’t add up. At these moments, my shame is intense. Sometimes I feel like wearing a T-shirt that states “It’s not my fault. It is not by choice.” When I sit in the park, I am bombarded by the news of who is expecting, and who is on bedrest. Sometimes it seems like there is no other topic of conversation. It reinforces my sense of isolation. All around us, families are large, while ours is not. More often than not, I choose not to sit in the park for this reason. As my children grow older, and no younger siblings replace them in the position as baby of the family, I have more free time. Yet my freedom does not give me pleasure; it breaks my heart because I feel that it is unnatural. It is not as it should be. I console myself that G-d does not make mistakes. Yet I wonder what the impact of having only one sibling will be on my children. If mothers of large families are considered superwomen, are mothers of small families considered failures? Or are we merely invisible, unworthy of the time it takes to stop and think before you make a comment that may cut like a knife. You know the type of comment that I mean. The comments like “Parenting doesn’t really begin until the birth of your third child.” Comments like these are hurtful, and they are a transgression of the prohibition of onaas devarim (hurtful speech). Our tradition teaches us that it is wrong to count people like one would count objects, because each person is a world – unique and distinct and irreplaceable. Recently, I showed another woman some photos of my children. This woman paused before remarking, “You must have more children than this.” I responded that in fact I didn’t. Every member of my family was perfectly accounted for in those photos. Still, I wonder about the choice of the word “must.” It implies that the world order is not as it should be. When, in fact, the world is truly as it should be, exactly as it exists now. After all, Hashem doesn’t make mistakes. That means that it must be built into the system that some families will be different than others. Some families will be extra-large, while others might be extra-small. That’s just the way the world works, and it does not reflect one’s hashkafic (religious outlook) choices so much as it reflects the reality of the world today. Medical science has made many advances, but it still has not found a way to outsmart God’s Will. Furthermore, the type of treatments required to artificially create a larger family have many undesirable side-effects and consequences that affect the family as a whole, not just the mother herself. Therefore, it is important to carefully consider the full impact of any potential course of action, and to consult with an appropriate halachic authority for guidance about the long-term consequences. It is a choice that each family must make individually. We cannot presume to know what is best for our neighbors, or even for our best friends. Rather, we can learn to treat all families with respect for their unique role in the destiny of the Jewish people. This means learning to recognize that a mother of a large family is not more of a mother than a mother of a small family. It is just that her challenges are different. The challenges of raising a large family are challenges that you immediately notice on your first glance. But take the time to look beneath the surface. All families have challenges. Every mother who builds her family with painstaking kindness is worthy of your respect. CLICK TO JOIN OUR WEEKLY E-MAIL LIST
Reprinted with permission from Binah Magazine The author is a marital & family therapist, who maintains a private practice in Ramat Beit Shemesh, Israel. She is also an acclaimed mental health journalist, who has made significant contributions towards increasing public awareness of mental health and mental illness. She is a regular contributor to thejewishwoman.org, chabad.org, aish.com and Binah magazine. She is the author of two books, “Mother in Progress” (soon to be released by Targum Press) and the newly released “Into the Whirlwind” (Lions’ Gate Press)

car harry_nl

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 08:56:43 +0000

Rosh Hashana and 959 Failed Driver's Tests

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 08:58:00 +0000
[caption id="attachment_1530" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Courtesy of Flick.com user Harry_nl"][/caption]959 times. That's how many times 69-year-old Korean grandmother Cha Sa-soon failed her driver's test until she finally passed last November on her 960th try. "In my village, if you miss the bus," Mrs. Cha explained, "you have to wait another two hours. Talk about frustration! But I was too busy raising my four children [to get a driver's license]. Eventually my kids all grew up and went away and my husband died several years ago, and I had more time to myself. I wanted to get a driver's license so I could take my grandchildren to the zoo." So for five years, week after week, Mrs. Cha would travel an hour each way by bus from her remote village to the nearest Department of Motor Vehicles in order to put down her $5 and take her written driver's test…one more time. But the test was nearly impossible for Mrs. Cha to understand. As a child, Mrs. Cha had worked in her family's fields instead of attending junior high school, so while she had basic reading skills, it was extremely difficult for her to read and make sense of technical driving terms such as traffic light or rearview mirror. But Mrs. Cha didn't give up. For years, she would wake up at 4 AM every morning, get out her reading spectacles, and review yet again her well-worn driver's test study guide. Mrs. Cha's son says about his mother's unusual determination, "Mother has lived a hard life, selling vegetables door to door and working on other people's farms. Maybe that made her stubborn. If she puts her mind to something, no one can argue her out of it." At long last, this past November, at the age of 69, Mrs. Cha received a passing grade of 60 on her written driver's test. Mrs. Cha's driving instructor recalls, "When she finally passed, we all went out in cheers and hugged her, giving her flowers…It felt like a huge burden falling off our back. [For all those years] we didn't have the guts to tell her to quit because she kept showing up." Once Mrs. Cha received her license, after failing her road test 8 times, Mrs. Cha became an instant national celebrity. 1000s of Koreans wrote to congratulate her. Hyundai gave her a $16,000 car and made her the star of a prime-time TV commercial. On the mostly bare wall of her home, Mrs. Cha has posted 3 objects. A black-and-white photograph of herself and her late husband. A watch that stopped ticking years ago. And a misspelled hand-written sign that reads "NEVER GIVE UP!" This week, the New York Times' article about Mrs. Cha and her 959 failed driver's tests is the paper's #1 Emailed article. Which makes me wonder why I and so many people love this story so much. Maybe it's because all of us fail. And almost all of us give up. We give up on our dreams and we give up on ourselves. But I'm also thinking it's not a coincidence that tens of thousands of people are reading Mrs. Cha's story right in time for Rosh Hashana. Because Mrs. Cha's story, I think, is the story of Rosh Hashana. Rosh Hashana is the holiday of Ratson, when Hashem reminds us that nobody in the whole world is perfect. But what God wants from us more than anything else is to continue wanting… To be the best mom we can be. To be the best person we can be. To be the best Jew we can be. No matter if we fail once, or twice, or 959 times. And if you desire something spiritual, and you want it bad enough, then you will ALWAYS get what you desire in the end. Our Sages teach us it's a sure thing. Just like Mrs. Cha, who failed 959 times, and never stop wanting, dreaming, hoping, until she was driving her grandchildren up and down through the Korean countryside all the way to the zoo. If you enjoyed this article, don't forget to "Share" it with another mom...CLICK TO JOIN OUR WEEKLY E-MAIL LIST
Based on the New York Times article "At First She Didn't Succeed, but She Tried and Tried Again (960 Times)" by Choe Sang-Hun, September 3, 2010

the holtzbergs The Gifted Photographer

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 09:45:45 +0000

Moishy Holtzberg's Nanny becomes Israeli Citizen

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 09:48:23 +0000
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I heard fantastic news on the radio this morning. Israel's Interior Minister just granted Israeli citizenship to Sandra Samuel, the Indian nanny/heroine who saved the life of 2-year-old Moishy Holtzberg. Israeli citizenship will enable Sandra to fulfill her dream of remaining in Israel to care for Moishy until he reaches adulthood. In November 2008, when terrorists entered the upper floor of Mumbai's Chabad House, Sandra, a 46 year-old widow and mother of 2, hid on the Chabad House's lower floor. When the sound of gunfire ceased, Sandra heard little Moishy calling her name. Instead of fleeing to safety, Sandra endangered her own life in order go upstairs to search for Moishy, whom she found covered in blood between his murdered parents. While the terrorists were on the roof, Sandra ran to safety with Moishy wrapped in a blanket in her arms. "She risked her life to save Jews, and it is our obligation to take care of her," minister Eli Yishai explained. "I have gotten the impression from the family that Sandra Samuel is crucial to Moishy's recuperation from the terrible disaster which they experienced." In the very moving CNN interview below conducted several days after the attack, when the interviewer asked Sandra if she feared for her life when she fled with Moishy, she said, "I didn't think of fear. Does anybody think about dying when a small precious baby is [in danger]? No." Such simplicity, such humility, such goodness. Sandra, I'm proud to be a citizen of the same country as YOU! CLICK TO JOIN OUR WEEKLY E-MAIL LIST
CNN Interview with Sandra Samuel [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4jOaK_xVOM] Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user The Gifted Photographer

holding sun eole

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 09:52:02 +0000

the holtzbergs The Gifted Photographer

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 10:12:40 +0000
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The Human Shofar

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 11:02:18 +0000
[caption id="attachment_1561" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Yael Beeri"][/caption]Every year, I feel like the yearning, groaning, primal scream of the Shofar isn't only coming out of that shiny ram's horn. I feel like it's coming out of me as well. And every year, as I let out that whispered scream in harmony with the shofar's cries, I yearn for the same thing. I yearn to feel Hashem's presence. Not only on Rosh Hashana, when the air of the universe all the way from my front steps to Pluto is dense with holiness. But also to feel my Father in Heaven with me on October 17th when I'm feeding my kids grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch, and on April 2nd when I'm sitting on a playground bench breaking up fights and fighting off flies, and on July 10th when the house is finally still and quiet and I can hear myself think after a too-long, too-full Weisberg family day. What I desire more than anything when I hear that shofar is to feel Hashem with me during all those moments and hours and years when I feel like I'm all alone, but I'm really, really not. When I feel like I’m flying solo, but in reality I'm nowhere near the cockpit. When I came across this intensely painful video of Moishy Holtzberg calling for his "Eema" right after his mother's death, I realized that little Moishy at that moment was also transformed into a shofar. He calls out for his mother, just like we call out for our Father year after year. Moishy yearns for her just like we too yearn for our Father in Heaven and the comforting warmth of His embrace on a cold and empty day. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQ8zIa9j2LA]

Mommy Peptalk: My Rosh Hashana Miracle

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 11:03:44 +0000
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95XZuzT-u8A]

shofar yael beeri

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 10:23:05 +0000

yom kippur candles The Gifted Phtoographer

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 10:47:52 +0000

7 Tips for an Easy Fast

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 10:48:42 +0000
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Thanks to Michael M. Segal, MD, PhD for these suggestions for an easier fast: The following are the essentials of human physiology that will help you have a tolerable fast on Yom Kippur: 1. Don't get thirsty: Most people think the difficulty about fasting is feeling "hungry". However, avoiding thirst is much more important for how you feel. Not only do you avoid the discomfort of thirst but you are also well hydrated and swallow frequently, so your stomach does not feel as empty. One important way to remain well hydrated is to avoid drinks or foods that cause your body to get rid of water. Such foods and drinks include alcohol, tea, caffeinated coffee and chocolate. Another important rule is to avoid consuming too much salt. Salt causes a person to feel thirsty despite having a "normal" amount of water, because extra water is needed for the extra salt. For this reason you should avoid processed foods containing lots of salt such as pickles, cold cuts, or cheese. Most tomato sauces, canned fish and smoked fish have a lot of added salt. Since Kosher meat has a high salt content it may be best to choose a main course such as fresh fish, canned no-salt tuna fish or a de-salted meat such as boiled chicken. By avoiding these types of foods and drinks in the several hours before a fast, you can avoid either losing water or needing extra water. Other actions that cause the body to lose water, such as perspiring in warm clothing, should also be avoided during the fast. Don't start the pre-fast meal on a full stomach: The pre-fast meal often begins at 5 PM, so a large lunch could prevent you from eating enough immediately before the fast. It is best to have a small lunch, or no lunch at all. 2. Eat a large breakfast A large breakfast eaten early in the day based on cereals, breads and fruits can provide the energy you need during the day, yet these high-fiber foods will be far downstream by the time of the pre-fast meal and will not keep you from eating enough food at the pre-fast meal. A large breakfast is also helpful because it stretches the stomach. After eating breakfast, it is best to consume beverages during the day. This will not fill you up, since liquids are absorbed quickly, and this will ensure that you have absorbed enough fluids during the day to start the pre-fast meal well hydrated. 3.Avoid Alcohol and Caffeine: Be sure to avoid beverages with alcohol or caffeine. You should also drink at least a glass or two of fluids with the pre-fast meal because many foods need extra water to be digested properly. 4.Eat foods that are digested slowly: Include some foods high in oils and fats in the pre-fast meal, since such foods delay emptying of the stomach and effectively prolong your meal. However, beware of fatty meats or salted potato chips that could load you up with too much salt. Salads and other high fiber foods that are so important in one's normal diet should be de-emphasized for the pre-fast meal since they travel quickly through the digestive system. Fruit, despite its high fiber content, is worthwhile since it carries a lot of water in a "time-release" form. 5.Don't get a headache: Withdrawing from caffeine produces a headache in people who drink several cups of coffee a day. If you consume this much caffeine in coffee or other foods or drinks you should prepare yourself for the caffeine-free period by reducing or eliminating caffeine from your diet in the days or weeks before Yom Kippur. Don't try to get through the fast by drinking coffee right before Kol Nidre, since this will cause you to lose a lot of water. 6.Make the meal tasty enough so people will eat: The pre-fast meal doesn't have be bland. Spices such as lemon or herbs are fine for fasting, but salt and monosodium glutamate should be reduced as much as possible... 7.Don't eat improperly after Neila: Even people who have prepared well for fasting will be hungry after Neila. Be sure not to eat food too quickly at the post-fast meal. Begin the break-fast meal with several glasses of milk or juice: these put sugar into the bloodstream and occupy space in the stomach, discouraging you from eating too rapidly. Also be careful about eating high salt foods such as lox, since you will still be a little dehydrated and will need to drink a lot of fluids to avoid waking up extremely thirsty in the early morning hours...These preparations for the fast of Yom Kippur will be different from your normal routine, but they can serve as a concrete reminder of the approaching Day of Atonement. CLICK TO JOIN OUR WEEKLY E-MAIL LIST
An earlier version of this article appeared in the Jewish Advocate (Boston, USA) Copyright © Michael M. Segal, MD, PhD. This document may be reproduced freely on a non-profit basis, including electronically, as long as this copyright notice is included.

Letters to the Next Generation by Rabbi Jonathan Sacks

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 08:36:13 +0000
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In his newly-released Ebook "Letters to the Next Generation: Reflections for Yom Kippur" England's Chief Rabbi Sir Jonathan Sacks presents 10 letters from a father to his grown children on the meaning of life and the role of a Jew in the world. I pray that this amazing Ebook will provide a beacon of clarity and holiness for a profoundly messed up and confused world. I loved, loved, loved all of the letters in this Ebook, but this was my favorite. Guess what the topic is, Jewish moms? Enjoy and Gemar Chatima Tova! [Dear] SARA, [dear] DAVID, I want to talk about children. God has blessed you both with children. They are the joy of our life, as of yours. Enjoy them. Spend time with them. Play, learn, sing, davven and do mitzvot with them. On nothing else will your time be better spent. The love you give them when they are young will stay with them throughout their lives. Like sunshine it will make them flower and grow. Having children is more than a gift. It’s a responsibility. For us as Jews it’s the most sacred responsibility there is. On it depends the future of the Jewish people. For four thousand years our people survived because in every generation, Jews made it their highest priority to hand their faith on to their children. They sanctified marriage. They consecrated the Jewish home. They built schools and houses of study. They saw education as the conversation between the generations: “You shall teach these things repeatedly to your children, speaking of them when you sit at home or travel on the way, when you lie down and when you rise up”. They saw Judaism the way an English aristocrat sees a stately home. You live in it but you don’t really own it. It’s handed on to you by your ancestors and it’s your task to hand it on to future generations, intact, preserved, if possible beautified and enhanced, and you do so willingly because you know that this is your legacy. It’s what makes your family different, special. To lose it, sell it or let it fall into ruins, would be a kind of betrayal. And that is the point. Today, on average throughout the Diaspora, one young Jew in two is deciding not to marry another Jew, build a Jewish home, have Jewish children and continue the Jewish story. That is tragic. Your mother and I didn’t spend too much time talking to you about our own family histories. But the truth is that virtually every Jew alive today has a history more remarkable than the greatest novel or family saga. It tells of how they were expelled from one country after another, how they lost everything and had to begin again. They were offered every blandishment to convert, but they said ‘No’. They sacrificed everything to have Jewish grandchildren. And today when being a Jew demands almost no sacrifice, when we are freer to practise our faith than ever before, Jews are forgetting what it takes to have Jewish grandchildren. So how do you hand your values on? By showing your children what you love. Rabbi Moshe Alshich, the sixteenth century rabbi, asked in his commentary to the Shema, “How do we ‘teach these things’ to our children? How can we be sure that they will learn?” His reply? “The answer lies in the verse two lines earlier: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your might”. What we love, they will love. There are many reasons for the high rates of assimilation in Jewish life, but one is fundamental. We are heirs to several generations of Jews who were ambivalent about being Jewish. I don’t pass judgment on them, neither should you. Between the 1880s and the 1930s they lived through an age of antisemitism. Then came the Holocaust. Who would blame anyone in those days for saying, as did Heinrich Heine, “Judaism isn’t a religion, it’s a misfortune”. But we are long past those days. One of the greatest gifts you can give your children is to let them see you carry your identity with pride. Your mother and I tried to show you as best we could that for us Judaism is our legacy, our stately home, our gift from those who came before us; the greatest attempt in all of history to create a life of justice, compassion and love as a way of bringing the Divine presence down from heaven to earth so that it etches our lives with the soft radiance of eternity. We can’t live our children’s lives for them. They are free. They will make their own choices. But we can show them what we love. If you want Jewish grandchildren, love Judaism and live in it with a sense of privilege and joy. CLICK TO JOIN OUR WEEKLY E-MAIL LIST
Read the rest of Letters to the Next Generation: Reflections on Yom Kippur

LettersNextGeneration230x15

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 08:44:09 +0000

teshuva Whistling in the Dark

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 09:05:03 +0000

How to do Teshuva in 5 Minutes

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 09:05:45 +0000
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We all know that we're supposed to be doing major teshuva right now in these final days leading up to Yom Kippur. But until last night, my understanding of this "major teshuva" was little more than a vague, sort-of nauseating feeling of regret for this and that, and a vague, tentative hope that I will have fewer misdeeds on the wrong side of the scale when Yom Kippur 5772 rolls around next year. And then I heard this week's pre-Yom Kippur class of Rabbi Aryeh Nivin's Personal Development Chabura, and he gave us some simple but life-altering pre-Yom Kippur homework. He explained that "doing teshuva" isn't just some wishy-washy queasy feeling you get in your gut when you think of how awful you were this year. Halachically, doing teshuva is a clearly-defined 4-step process: 1. Admit a wrongdoing 2. Regret that wrongdoing 3. Commit to a plan to not repeat that wrongdoing in the future 4. Verbally confess that wrongdoing to Hashem So Rabbi Nivin's homework this week for the chabura is to spend 5 to 15 minutes a day following these 4 steps for anything you've done wrong this past year: To give you an example of how to do this, the following was my "Doing Teshuva" homework for last night: 1. Admit a wrongdoing: This year I wasn't as nice as I should have been to one of my children. This child might have acted badly, but my reaction on a pretty regular basis was overly critical and harsh. 2. Regret a wrongdoing: I regret the way I spoke to my child (which of course, as a side note, only made that child act even worse) 3. Commit to a plan: I commit this coming year to being a 1% better mother. 1% kinder. 1% more patient. 1% calmer. 1% more giving. 4. Verbally confess your wrongdoing to Hashem: Dear Hashem, I regret the way I treated my child. Please help me this year to be a better mother to that child and to all of my children. One important note: the Chidushei Harim warns that when going through these 4 steps, don't wallow around for too long in the depressing regret step. The 2nd step should be like a springboard. Jump onto it for a just a little bit in order to propel yourself to a true commitment to self change for the future. Rabbi Nivin guaranteed that following these 4 steps will have a revolutionary effect on your Yom Kippur. So, Jewish mom, now it's your turn. Happy New Year and Happy Teshuva-ing! CLICK TO JOIN OUR WEEKLY E-MAIL LIST

Black sea beauty

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 10:56:17 +0000

My Rosh Hashana Ah-Ha Moment

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 10:57:15 +0000
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My expectations for Rosh Hashana this year were lower than low. I expected it to be a 3-day festival of bored kids, chronic indigestion, a Mt. Kilimanjaro of dirty dishes in BOTH sinks, and floors that were already sticky and black 2 hours into this year's 72 hour Chag-Shabbat extravaganza. And with a newborn and a high-maintenance 3-year-old, escaping my disaster-zone house by going to shul for any significant stretch of time seemed unlikely at best. But in the end, a miracle occurred. Hashem blessed me with the most phenomenal Rosh Hashana of my life. Rabbi Nivin had explained in our pre-Chag Personal Development Chabura that the key to a meaningful Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur is focusing on the "Ah-ha" moments of our lives. Reflecting on those rare blips of time when we have felt total clarity about the purpose of life. And that was the key to my Rosh Hashana miracle. This Rosh Hashana, I remembered the first Ah-Ha moment of my life. I was 21-years-old, newly religious, and feeling like becoming Orthodox was a radical betrayal of my family's tradition of political, social, and religious liberalism which I had drunk in with my mother's milk. Maybe my friends were right; maybe I actually had been sucked in by a cult? And then the phone rang, and I had what would turn out to be my final conversation with my grandmother before she passed away the following month. My grandmother told me that, in fact, I wasn't the first member of our family to keep kosher. Her parents had also kept kosher. In fact, her own father had grown up in a family of Lubavitcher Chassidim in the Ukraine. When I got off the phone, I felt like the ceiling of my parent's living room and the Baltimore sky opened up, and I could see Heaven itself. And I understood for the first time in my life that Hashem had actually been guiding me all along, through my 9 years at a Quaker school, and my 3 years at a Congregationalist college in Maine, as well as through my months wandering through Russia and Indonesia and finally Israel. Hashem had been leading me through those years of spiritual darkness so that I would finally return, not to a cult, but rather to the beloved tradition of my ancestors. And I also remembered another Ah-Ha moment this Rosh Hashana which took place 12 years after that earthshaking phone call. I had gone on a long walk with my baby, Moriah, one Shabbat, and on the way home I sat on a park bench in an isolated playground. For some reason, I closed my eyes, and out of nowhere I saw all sorts of colors swirling around like a psychedelic sandstorm. Again, just as I had felt after that final conversation with my grandmother, I sensed the Heavens opening up and I understood with every cell in my body that I am just one link in a millenia-long chain of Jewish mothers. I understood that ever since Abraham and Sara walked the earth, not far from where I sat that day, Jewish mothers had withstood threats of torture, execution, Crusades, Inquisitions, pogroms, the gas chambers. But nothing in the world could make them let go of their sacred Jewish tradition or their belief in the One and Only God. And that afternoon, I swore that I too would be a strong link in that distinguished chain. I understood sitting on that park bench that there was nothing more important that I could do in the whole world than raise children who would love the Torah and believe in that same God to whom my great-grandmother, and my great-great grandmother, and my great great great grandmother had prayed. So this Rosh Hashana, with tears streaming down my face, I rededicated myself to my Ah-Ha lessons. I committed myself to 3 things: -To being aware that my life and everything that happens to me is directed by Hashem -To raising children who are good and committed Jews -To raising children who know that Hashem runs the world What a blessing. What a privilege. What a daunting Rosh Hashana assignment for a lifetime. CLICK TO JOIN OUR WEEKLY E-MAIL LIST

Umbrella Rides The Wind

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 13:16:31 +0000
Quisque ullamcorper enim vel tellus rhoncus et fermentum diam congue. Phasellus eu turpis lorem, id gravida nunc. In bibendum nulla vel quam pretium a fringilla erat ornare. Etiam hendrerit quam sed orci congue posuere laoreet urna condimentum. Nam vestibulum gravida semper. Maecenas ac nunc purus, et aliquam urna. Curabitur quis tellus vitae dolor tristique egestas. Fusce metus sem, accumsan vel auctor non, laoreet eget nulla. Donec lacinia elit ac nulla hendrerit at tincidunt justo facilisis. Praesent vel risus ut urna vestibulum fermentum. Pellentesque sollicitudin cursus blandit. In hac habitasse platea dictumst. Maecenas sed nulla sed lacus elementum dapibus. Praesent hendrerit semper tempor. Integer sollicitudin ultrices mattis.

20 Rules for a Good Life by Rabbi Jonathan Sacks

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 19 Sep 2010 10:16:07 +0000
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Last week I told you about Rabbi Jonathan Sacks' beautiful new E-book, Letters to the Next Generation, a collection of letters from a father to his children on the purpose of life. Here is yet another chapter I loved, in which the father lists his 20 guidelines for a good and moral life. I loved all 20, but highlighted the ideas that really touched my heart. DEAR SARA AND DAVID, wisdom is free, yet it is also the most expensive thing there is, for we tend to acquire it through failure or disappointment or grief. That is why we try to share our wisdom, so that others will not have to pay the price for it that we paid. These are some of the things Judaism has taught me about life, and I share them with you: 1. Never try to be clever. Always try to be wise. 2. Respect others even if they disrespect you. 3. Never seek publicity for what you do. If you deserve it, you will receive it. If you don’t, you will be attacked. In any case, goodness never needs to draw attention to itself. 4.When you do good to others, it is yourself, your conscience and your self-respect, that will be the beneficiary. The greatest gift of giving is the opportunity to give. 5. In life, never take shortcuts. There is no success without effort, no achievement without hard work. 6. Keep your distance from those who seek honour. Be respectful, but none of us is called on to be a looking glass for those in love with themselves. 7. In everything you do, be mindful that God sees all we do. There is no cheating God. When we try to deceive others, usually the only person we succeed in deceiving is ourself. 8. Be very slow indeed to judge others. If they are wrong, God will judge them. If we are wrong, God will judge us. 9. Greater by far than the love we receive is the love we give. 10. It was once said of a great religious leader, that he was a man who took God so seriously that he never felt the need to take himself seriously at all. That is worth aspiring to. 11. Use your time well. Life is short, too short to waste on television, computer games and unnecessary emails; too short to waste on idle gossip, or envying others for what they have, too short for anger and indignation; too short to waste on criticising others. “Teach us to number our days”, says the Psalm, “that we may get a heart of wisdom.” But any day on which you have done some good to someone has not been wasted. 12. You will find much in life to distress you. People can be careless, cruel, thoughtless, offensive, arrogant, harsh, destructive, insensitive, and rude. That is their problem, not yours. Your problem is how to respond. “No one”, a wise lady once said, “can make you feel inferior without your permission”. The same applies to other negative emotions. Don’t react. Don’t respond. Don’t feel angry, or if you do, pause for as long as it takes for the anger to dissipate, and then carry on with the rest of life. Don’t hand others a victory over your own emotional state. Forgive, or if you can’t forgive, ignore. 13. If you tried and failed, don’t feel bad. God forgives our failures as soon as we acknowledge them as failures – and that spares us from the self-deception of trying to see them as success. No one worth admiring ever succeeded without many failures on the way. The great poets wrote bad poems; the great artists painted undistinguished canvases; not every symphony by Mozart is a masterpiece. If you lack the courage to fail, then you lack the courage to succeed. 14. Always seek out the friendship of those who are strong where you are weak. None of us has all the virtues. Even a Moses needed an Aaron. The work of a team, a partnership, a collaboration with others who have different gifts or different ways of looking at things, is always greater than any one individual can achieve alone. 15. Create moments of silence in your soul if you want to hear the voice of God. 16. If something is wrong, don’t blame others. Ask, how can I help to put it right? 17. Always remember that you create the atmosphere that surrounds you. If you want others to smile, you must smile. If you want others to give, you must give. If you want others to respect you, you must show your respect for them. How the world treats us is a mirror of how we treat the world. 18. Be patient. Sometimes the world is slower than you are. Wait for it to catch up with you, for if you are on the right path, eventually it will... 19. Never worry when people say that you are being too idealistic. It is only idealistic people who change the world, and do you really want, in the course of your life, to leave the world unchanged? 20. Be straight, be honest, and always do what you say you are going to do. There really is no other way to live. CLICK TO JOIN OUR WEEKLY E-MAIL LIST
Read Rabbi Sacks' amazing letter On Being a Jewish Parent View Rabbi Sack's newly-released Ebook "Letters to the Next Generation"

LettersNextGeneration230x15

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 19 Sep 2010 10:22:04 +0000

My Favorite Clean, Funny Videos

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 19 Sep 2010 11:04:48 +0000
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Last year somebody took me to the home of the Ampshanover Rebbe shlit"a. Once inside, we gave the Rebbetzin the letters we had written for the Rebbe, and several hours later she returned to us with the Rebbe's responses to our questions. My main question to the Rebbe was how I could feel more joy in my mothering life. And the Rebbe's answer was so simple. The Rebbe explained, "To feel more joy, you must do more things that bring you joy." What a simple response, but so insightful about the reality of motherhood. Before we were moms we loved needlepoint, or bowling, or learning Torah, or playing basketball. And the Rebbe told me, told us, that if we want to be happy moms, we must remember what I once loved to do, and DO it. So I thought about it, and realized that before I became a mom, there were few things I loved more than watching movies. So since I got that advice from the Rebbe, I have been trying to spend a few minutes every week watching funny (and clean) videos. In honor of Succot, the festival of Joy, I wanted to share my 2 favorite sources of clean, funny videos on YouTube: 1. The Sienna Minivan Mom and Dad I think the narcissistic, helicopter mom and dad in these commercials are hilarious. Here's a sample video to give you a little taste of why I love these so much: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXUMHNH0XVs] Click here to see the whole Sienna video series. 2. Latma TV I assume all of you were among the over 1 million viewers of the "We Con the World" video in the wake of the Flotilla episode. That video was made by a right-wing Israeli comedy show called Latma TV which is produced by JPost columnist Caroline Glick. The recent episodes have been translated into English, and if you're up on Israeli politics and tend towards the Israeli right, you might enjoy them as much as I do... Here's a sample from this week: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywvsC2mHGS4] Click here to see the entire Latma series Chag Sameach! CLICK TO JOIN OUR WEEKLY E-MAIL LIST

Succot: The Ultimate Shelter

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 19 Sep 2010 20:45:04 +0000
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This is a really powerful video, breathtaking desert footage, and it really pulled me into the real spirit of Succot. Enjoy! [vimeo 14112198] CLICK TO JOIN OUR WEEKLY E-MAIL LIST

working woman

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 10:08:22 +0000

working woman

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 10:08:55 +0000

Being a SAHM vs. Working Mom*

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 10:09:21 +0000
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This week, I received letters from 2 moms at different ends of the SAHM vs. Working Mom Debate, which made me think that a lot of moms out there must be struggling with these same issues. So I'd like to share their letters and my response with all of you: Dear Chana, I gave birth six months ago, and in a month I am supposed to go back for my second year of a Social Work degree. Everyone (including my husband) is really pushing me to go back to school. They all say that it is best for me to "get out a little." The thing is that I really want to be a stay-at-home mom. I love taking care of my baby and my home. I love cooking and cleaning. It seems like mothers nowadays are going out into the world so much, getting degrees, and abandoning the home. But maybe that's wrong? Why should my baby whom I brought into this world be raised by someone else? If she's sad, why should she be comforted by someone else and not by me? Any advice you could give me would be highly appreciated...Thanks! S. from Gush Etsion Dear Chana, Having my son was the biggest blessing imaginable and I love dedicating my time to taking care of him and being there for him. But when he was 7 months old I returned to work part-time and this has confused me quite a lot. I assumed that I would hate working and being away from my baby, and had planned to work for just a few weeks and then quit. But in the end, I loved being back at work, and I suddenly felt like a happier, more complete person. I still spend a lot of time with my baby as I am only working 3 days a week but now when I am at home I often feel aimless and keen to get back to work! So I am torn and confused. I love being a mother but feel I was not built to stay at home cleaning and cooking – it’s just not me and I am not particularly good at it! If all women are so different how can Judaism prescribe a certain lifestyle for all of them? Many thanks, T. from New Jersey My response: To be a SAHM or not to be a SAHM? That is the question that confounds so many moms. The best advice I ever heard on this topic came from Rabbanit Esther Levanon who told a crowded lecture hall of young mothers: When deciding to work or stay home, choose what will make you a better mother. Let me explain… There are mothers for whom being a SAHM makes them better mothers. I, for example, think I fall into this category. I love staying at home because it means that after I give birth, there is no pressure to send my babies off to a babysitter as soon as maternity leave ends. It also means that I can dedicate my mornings to writing and working on my blog, which brings me a ton of satisfaction and energizes me for my kid-intensive afternoons and evenings. But there are many mothers for whom working outside of the home makes them better moms. Rabbanit Levanon told us, for example, about a woman she knew who was an energetic, devoted teacher and mother of a large family. But her husband really wanted her to stay home to devote more time to cooking and cleaning etc. So, after years of pressure, this woman decided maybe her husband was right, and she decided to spend a year at home. But she was miserable at home. And her husband and children were miserable as a result of her misery. A few months into this experiment, her husband finally begged his wife to go back to work! In conclusion, Judaism doesn’t mandate a uniform lifestyle for every mom. When making this important decision, every mom needs to look deeply at her own emotional, family, and financial situation, and make the best choice for her own personal situation, without feelings of inferiority for being "Just a mom" or feelings of guilt for "abandoning" her children. May every single one of us be blessed with the wisdom to make the decision that is best for us and for our families. CLICK TO JOIN OUR WEEKLY E-MAIL LIST
*Yes, I do realize that SAHMs also work. I'm a hardworking SAHM myself! I've chosen to use the terms SAHM/Working Mom simply because those are the most common terms used to describe women who work outside of the home vs. women who work in their homes caring for their families and managing their homes.

Mommy Peptalk: Hagit bat Leah

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 10:18:05 +0000
Reflections on a sick friend and the festival of Succot. [vimeo 15118208]

woman closeup

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 21:23:47 +0000

The Black-and-White Cookies

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 26 Sep 2010 09:45:51 +0000
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Three elegant, vibrant grandmothers I met at the shul invited me to join them for coffee and angel cake. They were from a New York religious community I know nothing about, and I was in the mood for a bit of adventure, so I agreed. And I'm happy I did. That morning, in that Geula apartment, I heard tales from a different planet. I heard about 18-year-old granddaughters who were "only listening after they completed sem,"* outrage over $35,000 Tishrei vacations to Eretz Yisroel, and shared tips on how to keep track of a constantly expanding brood of "einiklach." But things got really interesting when they started talking about their married children… Our hostess told her friends that after she had been sweating in the kitchen for days, her daughter had flown in for the 3-day Yom Tov with her husband, 8 children, and nothing more than a box of black-and-white cookies for her mother. Her friends clucked their tongues in sympathy over the daughter's insensitivity. The conversation wandered back to the $35,000 vacations, but I couldn't move past the story about that daughter and that box of cookies. I imagined myself as that daughter. I imagined walking into my mother's home and only being able to think of how difficult the flight had been with a teething baby, and what a relief it would be to not have to cook for Yom Tov, and how incredibly thoughtful I had been to shlep overseas in order to spend the holidays with my parents. How jarring to all of a sudden see young mothers, myself included, from their mothers' point of view. How often, I wondered, had I seriously consider the feelings of my parents or in-laws? How often had I thought of how hard my parents/in-laws worked to pay for a flight or to send new Shabbat dresses for my kids, or even to host a noisy crowd of Weisbergs for a week or two or three? I say "Thank you" of course. And I call, and I send photos, and I pat myself on the back for waiting 20 minutes in line to send the annual nursery school Shana Tova cards. But listening to those grandmothers, I realized that that mother with the black and white cookies was me. When I was 3 years old or 11 years old or even 18 years old maybe I was entitled to my parent's generosity. But at 38 years old, that feeling of entitlement should definitely be replaced by intense gratitude for everything my parents and in-laws do for me and my family. And finding concrete ways to display that gratitude, I realized, is something I need to start working on ASAP. CLICK TO JOIN OUR WEEKLY E-MAIL LIST
*She is only willing to listen to suggestions from matchmakers when she completes her post-high school seminary year.

black white cookie a_sorense

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 26 Sep 2010 09:50:18 +0000

How to be Miserable

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 26 Sep 2010 20:46:15 +0000
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This funny video by Aish.com provides step-by-step instructions to ensure that you will NOT be happy this Succot, or ever. Since I first watched this video, I have thought of it several times a week, whenever I find myself falling yet again into the devious misery trap... [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6TN-o9NeQM] CLICK TO JOIN OUR WEEKLY E-MAIL LIST

Mommy Peptalk: The Garden of Eden and the Jewish Mom

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 26 Sep 2010 20:56:39 +0000
Inspirational thoughts on Simchat Torah. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2B63OoivXnk]

happy-woman

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 26 Sep 2010 21:16:12 +0000

9 Tips to Achieving Joy by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 26 Sep 2010 21:20:28 +0000
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In honor of Succot, the happiest holiday of the Jewish calendar, here are "9 Tips to Achieving Joy" excerpted from the former JewishMom.com book of the month Life is Now by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin. Enjoy and Chag Sameach! 9 Tips to Achieving Joy by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin 1. I think appreciatively and gratefully. What five things am I grateful for now? 2. I speak and act joyfully and kindly. (When you speak and act joyfully and kindly, your brain produces the biochemicals that create joyful feelings.) 3. I assume there is a benefit. What’s good about this? (Develop the skill of reframing. Finding positive ways of viewing events, situations, and circumstances). 4. I strive for meaningful goals. What’s my goal for now? (Being clear about your priorities is the first step to accomplishing and achieving goals. Take a step forward.) 5. I see myself being the way I wish to be. How do I want to be? (As you picture yourself speaking and acting in ways consistent with your highest and wisest self, you create your ideal self). 6. I focus on solutions. What outcome am I looking for? (If a problem arises, first clarify the problem. Then ask, “What can I do now to solve it?) 7. I let challenges develop my character. “This too will develop my character.” (Look at difficulties as Divinely-sent opportunities to upgrade who you are. What quality can you develop now with a challenge that you faced or are facing now?) 8. I consistently access positive states. My awesome brain stores my best states. What state do I want for right now? (When you give names to your favorite and best moments, you will find them easier to access. Just tell your brain to access the specific state you want to experience now.) 9. I smile and wave at mirrors. They always smile and wave back at me. (Research has shown that smiling to yourself in a mirror creates positive chemicals in your body. If you have a mirror handy, test your mirror to see if it will smile and wave to you when you smile and wave to it. This works even if you smile without a mirror. Read these principles or recite them from memory a number of times a day. Reading them joyfully will create a few moments of joy whenever you wish. The more frequently and enthusiastically you review these ideas, the greater the imprint on your brain. Ultimately, that will mean many more moments of happiness and joy. CLICK TO JOIN OUR WEEKLY E-MAIL LIST
(excerpted from Life is Now: Creating Moments of Joy, Courage, Kindness, and Serenity by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin, Artscroll)

Gilad Shalit1

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 09:36:46 +0000

Gilad Shalit's Succah

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 10:28:24 +0000
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Where is Gilad ben Aviva spending this Succot? Artist Aloma Mishar's powerful depiction of Gilad Shalit's Succah of Suffering made me cry. I knew I had to share this. Gilad ben Aviva has already spent 1555 days imprisoned by Hamas, far from everyone he loves and everyone who loves him. Enough already! We want Gilad Home! CLICK TO JOIN OUR WEEKLY E-MAIL LIST
This succah appears in an exhibit at the Beit Avi Chai. BEIT AVI CHAI, established by the AVI CHAI Foundation, is a cultural center that addresses major issues and fields of thought and creativity in Jewish and Israeli society. BEIT AVI CHAI seeks to collect and publicize the various facets of Israeli-Jewish society, provide them a forum, and let them influence Israeli society and culture.

Mommy Peptalk: Simchat Torah in Belz

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 03 Oct 2010 10:14:43 +0000
[vimeo=15498543]

Routine Days

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 09:01:28 +0000
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My daughter Hadas came home from youth group on Shabbat with this anonymous essay called "Routine Days" in honor of the end of the holidays season and the return to routine...It moved me so deeply that I translated it. Enjoy! It's almost midnight. I am standing outside the door. The soft sounds of breathing rise up out of my children's room and chase away the silence of the hallway. Elsewhere in the city, my nephews and nieces are also sound asleep. And my parents who called an hour ago to wish me "Good Night" are sleeping as well. And standing here in the hallway, in the dim light, my feet are planted to the floor with no desire to move. All I want is to take pleasure in the serenity of that moment. To enjoy that feeling of peacefulness. The peacefulness that comes after a day that began with routine, and ended with routine. Wrapped up in the serenity of that moment, I feel the urge to say "Shehechiyanu," the blessing with which we express to the Creator of the World gratitude for our lives, for the fact that we've made it this far. Shehechiyanu is a blessing which is recited on holidays, and on other joyous occasions. And in my heart, this day was so special, so joyous, because it was so routine, so similar to other days. Today, like always, my children woke up in the morning, left for school, and returned home again. And my parents too. Eema and Abba left home for work and errands and returned back home again. Today, essentially, all the people whose lives are so intertwined with my own, whose existence is interconnected so deeply with my own, all of them had a day like any other. Today, thank God, I did not receive a panicked phone call. Sirens didn't hysterically wail. A policeman with a grumpy face didn't knock on my door. Today, there were no quaking steps taken through silent and sterile hallways. Today, thank God, there was no distressed tearing of clothing in acceptance of judgment. For all of these things, I find myself whispering a heartfelt "Shehechiyanu," expressing my honest gratitude to Hashem that He brought me to this special moment. To this precious, ordinary, event-less day. I know that maybe somewhere along the path of life, days will arrive that will detonate the monotony of my life, the serenity of my being. Maybe days will arrive which are soaked in tears expressing a burden of illness, of distress, of troubles that will banish my serenity for weeks or years. But now, at this moment, everything is so good. These event-less moments hold me in their embrace. These fractions of moments, in their monotony and silence, feel like a gift from God. And if in the future there will be dark and troubled nights, at least I won't feel regret. I won't feel sadness because I didn't take pleasure in what I had when I had it… At those dark moments I will remember my whispered "Shehechiyanu" in the dim hallway, and that is what will bring comfort to my heart and calm to a suffering soul. CLICK TO JOIN OUR WEEKLY E-MAIL LIST

Dear Rebbetzin Heller: The Loveless Marriage

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 09:58:18 +0000
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Over the past few months, I have actually started looking forward to my weekly post-Shabbat laundry sorting marathon, since it means that I am able to watch yet another installment of Rebbetzin Heller's fantastic question and answer series on Naaleh (the not-so glamorous truth is now officially out...The International Headquarters of JewishMom.com/our computer room, doubles as the Weisberg family laundry room). I think Rebbetzin Heller is just about the wisest person on the planet. From time to time I will be posting my favorite questions and answers from her Q and A series. (By the way, if you haven't already, I HIGHLY recommend checking out Naaleh, an unbelievable free resource for video Torah classes). Here's a little taste of the series- Rebbetzin Heller's response to a Jewish mom who doesn't love her husband...(Warning: there's a good chance R. Heller's answer will make you pretty angry. A few years ago I would have had steam coming out of my ears over what she says. But today, after 14 years of marriage, I believe she is 110% right. I think this is the best advice for a happy marriage out there.) (forward the video to 32:04 to watch) [vodpod id=Video.4586898&w=425&h=350&fv=]
Rebbetzin's Perspective II: Questions and Answe..., posted with vodpod
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My Succot Anthem

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 06 Oct 2010 08:31:20 +0000
My teacher, Rabbanit Yemima Mizrachi pointed out that Succot isn't just a CHAG, it's a HUG! In other words, sitting in a succah means sitting in G-d's embrace. But the truth is that by the end of Succot, having seriously overdosed on food, dish soap, quality time, and $10-or-less outings for children, the holiday had stopped feeling like Hug, and more like a strangle-hold. When things turned really tough- when the kids were fighting again, or I had forgotten the salt in the house again, or Yoel ran into the succah with his pants around his ankles and unmentionables running down his legs again, singing the chorus of this Country-and-Western song is what enabled me to smile and feel the Hug of this Chag yet again...Get your tissues reading and enjoy! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igm2iGvo-us] CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

My New Year's Resolution

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 10:52:08 +0000
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I've got a big problem. I spend my days rushing around and being productive and accomplishing this and that, while the people I care about the very most in my life end up seeing an awful lot of the back of my head. Of course, in principle, I value a conversation with the 8-year-old who is talking to my back infinitely more than I value the roll of tape I am rushing out of the house to buy, or the nail I am hammering into the wall, or the beet soup I am preparing with red-stained hands. But at that moment when I am busy with something (which, I have realized, is nearly every moment) it is incredibly hard for me to just stop what I am doing, look Maayan straight in the face, and give my full attention to her 3rd Grade joys and woes. Therefore, I decided that my New Year's Resolution for 5771 is "To Be a 1% Better Wife, Mother, and Friend," which in practical terms means that when my husband/child/friend want to talk, I put down my key/ hammer/ beet, turn to face them, look up at the clock to make sure I give them at least an entire 120 seconds of my full attention, and start listening. Another aspect of my 5771 Resolution relates to my husband. For many years, my husband and I have been committed to going on a 2-hour weekly date. But as the years pass, daily husband-wife conversations in our increasingly crowded and hectic (b"H!) home have slowly gone the way of the VCR, the dinosaur, and the 5-cent lollipop. Over the past few weeks, therefore, Josh and I have instituted a daily husband-wife 10-minute conversation. The best thing about this daily mini-date is that it often stretches longer, sneaking towards 15 or 20 minutes or even longer. My New Year's Resolution has gotten me thinking about how for years I believed that good family relationships come about spontaneously just from sharing the same home. And good relationships can come about that way. But in order to create relationships that are as good as they can be, I have realized, my family requires at least the same kind of careful attention that I give to every article I write. My family also requires an occasional spell-check for errors, the daily removal of over-the-top exclamation points, and frequent reducing of spacing from 2 to 1. Please God. CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

$86,400

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 08:22:16 +0000
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Thanks to my dear friend Gittl Nadel who absolutely made my day when she forwarded me this anonymous Email... Imagine that you had won the following prize in a contest: Each morning your bank would deposit $86,400.00 in your private account for your use. However,this prize has rules, just as any game has certain rules. The first set of rules would be: Everything that you didn't spend during each day would be taken away from you. You may not simply transfer money into some other account. You may only spend it. Each morning upon awakening, the bank opens your account with another $86,400.00 for that day. The second set of rules: The bank can end the game without warning; at any time it can say, "Its over,the game is over!" It can close the account and you will not receive a new one. What would you personally do? You would buy anything and everything you wanted, right? Not only for yourself, but for all people you love, right? Even for people you don't know, because you couldn't possibly spend it all on yourself, right? You would try to spend every penny, and use it in the best way possible, right? ACTUALLY, this GAME is REALITY! Each of us is in possession of such a magical bank. We just can't seem to see it. The MAGICAL BANK is TIME! Each morning we awaken to receive 86,400 seconds as a gift of life, and when we go to sleep at night, any remaining time is NOT credited to us. What we haven't lived up that day is forever lost. Yesterday is forever gone. Each morning the account is refilled, but the Bank can dissolve your account at any time....WITHOUT WARNING . SO, what will YOU do with your 86,400 seconds? Aren't they worth so much more than the same amount in dollars? Think about that, and always think of this: Treasure and make the most of every second of your life, because time races by so much quicker than you think. Make sure to spend those precious seconds caring for the people you love, doing the things you love, and living in a way that will bring Joy to your Creator. Here's wishing you a wonderfully beautiful day!!! CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Cute Video: Baby Learns Torah

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 09:00:46 +0000
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My baby daughter, Tsofia, is only 3 months old, but I think I might have already found the perfect match for her. Little Nachman looks like just the kind of Torah scholar we dream of her marrying;) Enjoy! CLICK [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-U6FC2K2ISI] TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Mommy Peptalk: What's New in My Living Room...

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 10:11:57 +0000
2 new inspiring additions to the Weisberg family living room [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5DlJRS5dEYQ]

Dear Rebbetzin Heller: The World's Busiest Mom

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 10:44:12 +0000
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In this week's video from Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller's wonderful Naaleh Question and Answer series, the Rebbetzin answers a question from a mother who does a ton but is concerned that she does everything poorly. I found R. Heller's advice about setting priorities fascinating, but I especially loved the last line of R. Heller's answer. I'm sure I'll be thinking of it and quoting it often... Forward the video to 00:11 to watch... [vodpod id=Video.4653519&w=425&h=350&fv=]
Rebbetzin's Perspective: Balancing Life's Chall..., posted with vodpod
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Rescued Chilean Miner Reunited with Family

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 13 Oct 2010 08:56:50 +0000

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To tell you the truth, until today I had been focusing on my own CHILLY MINORS and rummaging through closets for their sweaters and jackets, rather than on the 33 trapped CHILEAN MINERS. But this morning, along with millions of people all over the world, I cried as I watched the 1st rescued miner, Florencio Avalos, emerge from the mine alive and well after 2 months underground. What a nightmare this man has been through, I thought. But what a tremendous gift he has been given as well, I realized. After 69 days spent in darkness and constant fear of being buried alive by a landslide, today Florencio Avalos is able to see his child, his wife, the sun, the sky, the world with the eyes of a man reborn. Today, more than any other human beings on the planet, Avalos and all the rescued miners know that their lives and this world are a priceless gift from God. This morning as I sat by my computer, I closed my eyes and whispered a prayer… "Please Hashem, may all the Chilean miners be brought to safety and reunited with their families… "And please bless me, Hashem, that every day I will be able to see my life and the world through miners' eyes..." Watch the emotional reunion of the 1st rescued miner with his son and wife: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkvvVoRKTHM] CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Mommy Peptalk: Light within the Limitations

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 17 Oct 2010 10:36:58 +0000
Finding inspiration within the limitations of raising a family. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TU-c8f5Xb-Y]

My Neighborhood Rachel Imenu

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 20:26:00 +0000
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"You know Ganenet* Rachel's story don't you?" Last week, my eyebrows simultaneously leaped towards my hairline and furrowed at this tantalizing conversation starter. What kind of "story" could there possibly be behind our universally beloved ganenet? The only thing unusual about Ganenet Rachel seemed to be her off-the-charts passion for teaching and devotion to her students. One day I would see her carrying a 20 pound bag of dirt in order to plant a garden with her students. Another day, she was carrying a turtle her sons had found in order to share it with the gan. Another day, I saw her rushing off to her weekly tutoring session with Rivka bat Yael Razel, so that Rivki wouldn't be so behind when she is well enough to rejoin the gan. But in all other ways, Ganenet Rachel seemed to be completely and absolutely typical. In her mid-thirties. Married to a rabbi. The mother of 6 kids with a 7th on the way. "What story?" I asked. "You didn't know that it took Ganenet Rachel 7 years to have her first child?" What? Now that was a story I just had to hear… The following is an interview with Ganenet Rachel in honor of the yahrzeit of her namesake Rachel Imenu, who also suffered through years of infertility until she too became an Em Habanim Smecha, the joyous mother of children. Could you tell me about your family background? My father came from a traditional family of Indian Jews who had been living for many years in Burma. My mother came from an assimilated Australian family. My parents met at an absorption center in Israel, and after they married they gradually became more and more religious. I am the 4th of their 8 children. When did you get married? I got married when I was 21 years old. My husband is the oldest of 10 children from a prominent Sephardic rabbinic family. To this day, my husband teaches at the yeshiva where his father is the rosh yeshiva.* When did you realize that you were having problems with fertility? I had always loved children. From a young age I ran summer camps for the neighborhood children and dreamed about becoming a ganenet. I assumed that I would get married and have 10 kids right away. But after two years of marriage, I realized something was wrong. At that point I started doing testing and then fertility treatments. But the truth is that I never really thought of not getting pregnant as a "problem." I was never worried. I felt certain that I would get pregnant when Hashem wanted me to. People who knew me during that period say that I never made the impression of being a miskena* who was struggling or desperate. But that doesn’t mean that it was easy. I had weeks of hope and faith and other weeks dominated by disappointment and pain. The most difficult times for sure were when I would go through a fertility treatment, and I would pray, and do segulot, and get blessings from Mekubalim and Rebbes, and try out the alternative cures my neighbors and friends told me about, and still I didn't get pregnant. It was terribly disappointing. I remember one time in particular after yet another fertility treatment had failed. My husband and I were with my mother-in-law and she told us that my sister-in-law, who had gotten married 4 years after me, was in her second pregnancy. And right there in front of my mother-in-law, I started crying uncontrollably. It was very embarrassing. Our experience with infertility was especially difficult for us since our siblings were having children year after year. Our siblings were also always hosting us for Shabbat, as though we were this poor childless couple. It is one of the worst feelings in the world to be pitied. What helped you to endure those difficult years? First of all, our parents were amazing. They never made us feel pressured or offered unsolicited advice. In fact, they never mentioned that we were childless as all, unless we wanted to talk about it. They were very natural with us. That was a huge help. Other times, people told me stories that really gave me hope. I remember meeting a woman on a bus who told me that it had taken her mother 4 years to have her first child, and that she eventually became the mother of 14 children! Stories like that really helped to keep me going. It also helped that I was a ganenet. Working everyday with children was compensation for the fact that I had no children of my own at home. Though at the end of the workday, it was very difficult to return home to my own empty and silent apartment. When did you finally become pregnant? A doctor had recommended that my husband and I should take a break from the stress of years of conventional treatments and go on a vacation together. Our rabbi agreed that it would be good to go on a vacation abroad, in order to totally cut ourselves off from the pressures of daily life. So we went on a few trips to Europe together. Another rabbi also recommended that we should move to a new home, as it says "Change your location, change your luck." And it turned out that shortly after we returned from a trip from Europe, and the month we sold our apartment and moved from Beitar to Jerusalem, I became pregnant for the first time with my twin boys who are now 9 years old. What advice would you give to couples struggling with infertility? I would tell them that this extra time on your own as a couple might not be what you had hoped for, but it can also a tremendous gift. People tell me that they can see that my family is different because my husband and I had so many years to invest in and strengthen our marriage relationship. I would also tell couples that times of hardship are an opportunity to invest in prayer and developing a closer relationship with Hashem. At difficult times you pray with so much more intensity than at times when everything's going well and smoothly. I would also warn couples experiencing infertility that it's their choice how the years of waiting will look. They can choose whether they will waste those years complaining and blaming and feeling resentful, or whether they will spend those years growing together Did those 7 years change you as a person? Definitely! Those years of waiting made me much more mature and they also made me stronger. As a result of those years, my whole view of motherhood also changed. One woman said to me recently, "In my family, all of the women have babies every year." But my experience with infertility taught me how petty that kind of comment is. Because with fertility there are no rules and there are no guarantees. Hashem has a unique, individually-designed path for every single woman. As a result of all those years of treatments, I understand how complicated, even supernatural, a regular, healthy pregnancy is. And I think that because of that, it's easier for me to accept my own children, together with their personal issues and struggles as a tremendous gift. I know that children aren’t made to order. My children don't need to be perfect for me to love them. Before we had children, I studied interior design, and our apartment was like a museum. But today I have 5 boys and 1 girl under the age of 10, so it's always lively at our home. My walls and furniture have been banged up and scribbled on. But it doesn’t bother me at all. Thank G-d, I'm so thankful that my home is no longer a museum. Today my home is full of life. It's a place where people live. During those 7 years of waiting, my husband's grandmother would always tell me over and over, "I am certain that one day your house will be full of children!" Thank G-d, she and all of us lived to see her blessing become a reality. CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS
*Ganenet-Nursery School Teacher Rosh Yeshiva- Dean of the Yeshiva Miskena- A person for whom people feel sorry

Einstein's Yiddishe Mama

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 08:03:44 +0000
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I just saw these on Aish.com and thought they were really sweet. They appear in the book “Yiddishe Mamas: The Truth About the Jewish Mother” by Marnie Winston-Macauley about what famous people said about their own Jewish mothers... My Yiddishe Mama: Albert Einstein According to Bruno Halious, in his book, Meres Juives des Hommes Celebres (Jewish Mothers of Famous Men), when Albert Einstein won the Nobel Prize in 1921, he sent a telegram to his mother which read: “Mother - WE won the Nobel Prize.” My Yiddishe Mama: Actor Richard Dreyfuss According to author Tim Boxer, when Richard Dreyfuss was presented an award on behalf of Tel Aviv’s Museum of the Jewish Diaspora [Beit Hatefutsot] by Consul General Uri Savir, Dreyfuss said the award was more important to him than the Oscar. “The Oscar you get for playing someone else. This award you get for being yourself. For the Oscar, you have a long list of people to thank. For this, you thank only your mother.” CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Meeting Meah Shearim's "Starving Mother"

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 09:18:43 +0000
[caption id="attachment_1806" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Oberazzi"][/caption]CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS "It is the only regular email I receive (and I receive many) that I always read cover to cover"--Rishe Deitsch
This past Saturday evening, I met the Meah Shearim mother who became front page news last year after she was accused of starving her children. The night after meeting this mother, whom I will call Chani, the many questions that filled my head left me tossing and turning the whole night. How could such a seemingly good person do such terrible things? Maybe all the accusations against her are untrue? What really happened? At one point that night, I had a dream in which I met a rebbetzin I admire at an all-night supermarket at 3:30 AM. The rebbetzin shook her head and told me that the whole case against this woman sounded very fishy to her. After that I woke up, my veins coursing with adrenaline, and lay in the darkness of my bedroom composing the stirring article I would write in Chani's defense the following morning... I spent at least half an hour tweaking the declaration: "Before I met Chani, I was quite certain that the accusations against her were true. After I met her, I returned home far from certain." But then the sun rose and reality sank in. It's true, Chani seemed like such a good-hearted and normal person, no different from me or you or any mom you'd meet by the playground swings. And she seemed like a devoted mother towards her year-old son, the only one of her 6 children whom the authorities haven't taken away (as soon as he stops nursing, he will be removed from Chani's custody as well). But then again, I'm not a psychiatrist. And I'm not a prophetess either. Who knows? Maybe Chani did starve her children? That morning, as usual when I'm stumped by a question or situation, I wrote my dear friend who also happens to be a therapist to hear what she thought about this whole story. My friend wrote back with the following response: "I think you should write an article about Chani. It is crucial that people see that someone like this is a complex person who is suffering, whether or not she is sick or guilty." And my friend's response reminded me of a few things. It reminded me that when I heard the news about the notorious "Starving Mother" last year, like most people I immediately envisioned this mother as the Wicked Witch of the West. But when I actually met Chani, I was surprised to discover that in real life the "Starving Mother" looks more like little Dorothy. Chani too seems like a good-hearted, well-intentioned mother who has become so confused and overwhelmed and depressed in this surreal, scary, new land of courts and police and social workers. And what if the horrific accusations against Chani are true? As my therapist friend pointed out, people are complex. My mom is a psychiatrist and every single day she treats people who have done and do terrible things. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that they are terrible people. At the age of 67, my mom has no plans of retiring because she loves her work, and she loves her patients who, she often tells me, are generally wonderful people. A mother like Chani, if the accusations are true, doesn't deserve our hatred. If the accusations are true then she is a very sick women who needs treatment and deserves our sympathy and our concern. At present, Chani is under house arrest. Her three oldest children are in England, living with members of the Toldos Aharon community there. Her fourth and fifth child (the one she was accused of starving) are living with Chani's siblings in Beit Shemesh. Chani is allowed only a 1-hour visit with them each week. She hasn't seen her older children in over a year. In addition, as a result of a botched epidural during an emergency C-section a year ago, Chani has spent this entire year in a wheelchair. If she needs to travel somewhere, she must be transported in an ambulance. The only effective treatment for this kind of paralysis is available abroad, but the Israeli authorities will not allow her to leave the country because of the accusations against her. Chani and many members of the Charedi community believe that Chani's 5th child was the victim of medical malpractice. They claim that Hadassah Hospital was using an experimental French treatment that was never approved by the Ministry of Health, and that they were using Chani's son as a guinea pig. They claim that in order to cover up their own wrongdoing, the hospital has chosen to place the blame on Chani for her son's decline instead. Chani told me with tears in her eyes, "I feel like Avraham Avinu. One test after another after another." Again, I have no idea what the truth is. Really I don't. All I know is that this past Saturday night I encountered a fellow Jewish mother whose family and life, justly or unjustly, have been thoroughly torn apart. May Hashem provide this suffering woman and her family with comfort and healing. CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS "It is the only regular email I receive (and I receive many) that I always read cover to cover"--Rishe Deitsch

The Rebbetzin of Toldos Aharon's Advice for Moms

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 10:25:55 +0000
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This past Shabbat, I entered a parallel dimension. And I liked it there. A lot. A friend invited me to join her at the weekly women's third meal hosted by the Rebbetzin of Toldos Aharon in Meah Shearim. Before the meal, I thought I would be lucky if I would even be able to get a peek of the Rebbetzin through the crowd. But when we arrived at her apartment, not only did the Rebbetzin herself open the door, at the informal, intimate Seuda Shlishit that followed, the Rebbetzin sat next to me for the whole meal! It was definitely, definitely an experience I will NEVER forget. First of all, a little bit about the Toldos Aharon Rebbetzin. She was born in Germany after the war, then moved to England as a very young girl, and then later to Monsey, NY in order to marry her husband who was the son of the former Toldos Aharon Rebbe. When the Rebbetzin's father-in-law passed away 13 years ago, they moved to Meah Shearim so her husband could take over as the Rebbe. The Rebbetzin is an incredibly kind, pure, and modest human being who feels tremendous love for the Jewish people. Despite her important position, she is the kind of person you would never notice if you passed her on the street. I have noticed this about other people of very exalted spiritual nature as well. They are so humble, so modest, so down-to-earth, so self-effacing that you might not even realize that they are, in fact, spiritual giants. During our conversation, I asked the Rebbetzin a question about the Meah Shearim mothers. I asked, "So many of the mothers in this community have many children spaced close together. How do they do it?" Here was the Rebbetzin's answer*: First of all, I have learned in my life that everything, everything, everything is attitude. I see women who only have two children but they suffer terribly because they feel like they are "locked in" when they have another child. They focus on how difficult being a mother is. And then I see another women who has 12 children but she is a very happy person, because she has a positive attitude. Pregnancy is difficult for most women. The first 4 months can be especially tough when you feel so sick. But a woman with the right attitude will say, "I am having another child! Every child makes me a richer woman!" Secondly, I have seen in my life that you never ever get something for nothing. Everything you get in this life, you have to work for it. And the difficulties of pregnancy and giving birth and raising a child are the price we must pay in order to have these children who bring us so much nachas. Thirdly, something that really helps mothers is focusing on the idea that tomorrow will be a better day. She reminds herself: "Today is a tough day, but tomorrow will be better." As you can hear, I thought the Rebbetzin was totally amazing. When I told her how much chizuk and encouragement she had given me, she encouraged me to visit her in the future. So I hope to be sharing more of the Rebbetzin's wisdom with you in the months to come… CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS
*These were her ideas as I remember them. This is not a word-for-word transcription.

One Mother's Visit to Rachel's Tomb

JewishMOM.com — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 08:42:04 +0000
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I got this letter from a reader yesterday, and it brought tears to my eyes. Hebrew words are defined below.. Dear Chana, I would like to share my feelings that I had yesterday, on the yahrzeit of Rachel Imenu. On my way home in the car, I was listening to the radio, where they were playing songs relating to Rachel Imenu. I started thinking why do we make such a big deal about this day, in our schools and our communities, compared to other dates or other yahrzeits. My first answer was that we take advantage of any opportunity to grow in our emunah.* If Rachel Imenu's yahrzeit moves us, then yes, let's make a big deal about it. And then I came to my second answer. I realized that we now have an unbelievable opportunity that previous generations didn't have - we can actually go to the kever* and pray. Jews throughout the ages never dreamed that such a thing was possible, and now we can hop on a bus and daven there. As I was listening to the words of the song on the radio, "Ki yesh sachar lifulatech....ve-shavu banim legvulam,"* I was moved again with the realization how that prophecy is coming true. Each and every single Jew in this land is a living witness to Hashem keeping His promise to Rachel Imenu. We have returned, and more are continuing to return! That verse was talking about US! WE are that prophecy. In my mind, this is very big, even after living here for 30 years. All the best to you. Sharona Katzin, Jerusalem CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS
emunah- faith kever- Tomb "Ki yesh sachar lifulatech....ve-shavu banim legvulam" - There is a reward for your deeds...and children will return to their borders Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Paukrus

Pray for RivkA from Coffee and Chemo

JewishMOM.com — Sat, 23 Oct 2010 21:59:40 +0000
I have known RivkA of the Coffee and Chemo blog for many years. She is a funny, dynamic, full of life, and totally unforgettable human being who is currently fighting for her life after a prolonged battle with cancer. Please say a prayer for this Jewish mom of three teenage children, Rivka bat Tirzel. Click here to see RivkA. You will see right away that she is truly one of kind. May Hashem bless her with a speedy and miraculous recovery... [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgHsZ_kEVuA]

Dear Rebbetzin Heller: How to Discuss Sexual Abuse with your Child

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 25 Oct 2010 10:29:55 +0000
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Nachlaot is reeling this week from news of a neighborhood resident who, it turns out, had been molesting neighborhood children for years. Before he was arrested, I saw this person almost every single day and he never aroused any sort of suspicion in me. Like his victims, the abuser is an Orthodox Jew. Beyond terrifying. Here's a few things I've learned over the past few days about sexual abuse: -The vast majority of cases of sexual abuse involve an adult the child knows and trusts: relatives, family friends, and people in positions of trust. -Children often do not realize that what is being done is abuse -Children don't always tell parents about abuse. If your child tells you about sexual misbehavior, take it seriously. - Sexual abuse can have very damaging effects on a child, which can last into adulthood. However, for many children the effects may be relatively short-term, depending on the individual child, the nature of the abuse and the help they receive. How adults respond to children when they tell them about abuse can be a very important factor in how seriously they are affected in the long term. -If you have concerns about your child, or any child, and sexual abuse you need to seek professional help. - Help is available to deal with sexually abusive behavior.* In her Naaleh.com Question and Answer series Rebbetzin Heller presents a clear approach to protecting children from abusers. I already had the conversation the Rebbetzin recommends with my kids last night. (The only thing I would add to the Rebbetzin's advice is that children need to be wary as well of inappropriate touching by people of the same gender). (forward the video to 39:59 to watch) [vodpod id=Video.4753595&w=425&h=350&fv=]
Achieving Balance: G-d, Family, and Work - Clas..., posted with vodpod
Here's a very short video about identifying a potential abuser that I found really creepy but that will definitely make me more careful in the future... [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muVGqR6N1pM] Learn more about preventing sexual abuse here CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS
*Guidelines taken from the booklet "Protecting Children from Sexual Abuse" by the NSPCC

How Do Parents of Large Families Manage? Meet Tal and Talia

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 11:12:13 +0000
[caption id="attachment_1857" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Photo courtesy of Elgin County Archives"][/caption] CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS
The following is a guest posting from Hannah Katsman of A Mother in Israel I have been enjoying Hannah's blog since I joined her mailing list a few weeks ago, and I especially enjoyed this article by Hannah about how parenting a larger family is in fact easier than parenting a smaller one. This article describes my own personal experience 100%. When people learn that I have six children they often say, “Wow, I could never do that.” I respond that I didn’t have them all at once. I wrote the following somewhat idealized picture of life as parents of a large family: Let’s imagine a couple whose first baby is called Noa. A first baby takes up your whole world. Noa’s parents, Tal and Talia, examine every bowel movement with a microscope, count minutes between feedings, and agonize over which toys are most educational. This is not (only) because they are silly, doting new parents, but because they genuinely have a lot to learn about babies. There’s no shortcut for this learning and decision-making process, which continues, more or less, as Noa goes through every new stage of development. Then little Noah comes along. Noah’s sleep patterns, temperament and bowel movements are completely different from Noa’s, but Tal and Talia already have knowledge and experience. Noa, however, is an active toddler and needs even more attention than Noah. While Noah’s needs can be met by holding and feeding, Noa needs someone to talk to her, read to her, take her outside, prepare her meals and clean up after her, and watch that she doesn’t climb up the bookcase. And she hugs Noah too hard when she thinks no one is looking. So while Tal and Talia thought taking care of one newborn was a fulltime job, taking care of both children together feels like it require superhuman powers. But this is only the beginning of the story. Tal and Talia adjust to having two children. Talia recovers from the birth, Noah begins to follow some sort of schedule, and Noa grows in her understanding and self-control. Sure, there are crises of all kinds such as illness, a family wedding, and a house move, but Tal and Talia get to know their kids, they learn shortcuts for household chores, and they gain confidence. By the time little Roni comes along (a girl), things get harder before they get easier. But experience helps, and stages that a four, five or six-year-old undergoes tend to be less draining that baby/toddler issues. Every birth has its challenges, and very fussy babies can throw a wrench into family life. Still, this stage passes. Over the years Tal and Talia begin to work out their parenting style and things fall into a groove. When the fourth child Ido is born, Tal and Talia are so experienced that they don’t worry so much about the baby. They instinctively pick him up when he cries and change diapers with one hand. When Noa was born, she interacted only with Tal and Talia. But Ido enjoys watching the older children, who can even keep an eye on him for a short time (unless the spacing is very close–I’m assuming a spacing of two to four years after the second child). Around that time, Talia, who manages the day-to-day running of the household, decides to become much more efficient. She reads up on housekeeping subjects, consults with friends, and makes the required changes. Tal and Talia reevaluate their priorities in terms of time and money–regarding extracurricular activities, housekeeping, schooling, and food and clothing expenses. They make difficult choices, just like every other family. At some point the balance in the family shifts when Noa can run errands on foot, help significantly with household chores, and share in the care of the younger children. The younger children are growing too–they dress and feed themselves, and manage their belongings. Even if the children are closely spaced, the older children still get to the point where they don’t require so much physical care. When Noa becomes a teen Tal and Talia have another baby named Amit. The couple can go out for the evening, taking the baby with them and leaving the four older children at home. They have teen issues, but because they are a close family and have been sensitive to their children’s needs all along, they handle them relatively well. Having a large family is physically and psychologically demanding. Tal and Talia are not as available for social activities. Their lifestyle is different from that of their friends with one or two children. But they do make time for each other and for the activities that are important to them, taking into account their children’s needs. They prepare for the day when their children will be grown. In a large family, children do not get constant undivided attention. This doesn’t mean that they are neglected. There are two levels of parental care: availability, the level depending on the age and needs of the child, and one-on-one interaction, which occurs less frequently. In a large family some of the children’s needs for interaction are met by the other siblings. And a large chunk of time involves most of the family spending time together, playing or working. Raising a large family is challenging, and no one should take it on lightly. But as the years go by I've learned of the many benefits for both mothers and children. CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Women Grow Bigger Brains after Giving Birth

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 11:34:15 +0000
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If it wasn't for my friend Alyson Spindell, you wouldn't be reading these words right now, since she was the person who about a year ago recommended that I start this blog! So, Jewish moms, all together now, "THANK YOU ALYSON!" And thanks again to Alyson. She just sent me this article that really warms a mother's heart. I like this new research so much better than that old "postpartum brain shrinking" research. That was SUCH a downer. by Debra Huso of AOLHealth.com "Those of us who have been through the journey of childbirth and early motherhood often believe the experience shrinks our brains. Lack of sleep and overwhelming new responsibilities seem to leave us forgetful, scatter-brained and sometimes just plain stupid. But a new study suggests that new mothers' brains may actually grow in the postpartum period, leaving us smarter than we were before pregnancy. The study, led by Dr. Pilyoung Kim a neuroscientist with the National Institute of Mental Health, indicates that mothering is not so much an instinctive response as a process requiring brain building. Kim and her team also found that mothers who have the warmest and most positive interactions with their babies also exhibited the greatest brain growth in the areas of emotional processing, sensory integration, reasoning and judgment... Dr. Craig Kinsley, professor of psychology at the University of Richmond explains, "The feedback a mother receives from a baby is an enormous amount of stimuli. The mother is responding to sensory cues, so the baby is acting like an enriched environment." Kim's study followed just 19 women, all of them in their early 30s and college-educated, so more research is needed to draw any substantial conclusions. But Kinsley is excited. "I think it's a very interesting first step," he added. CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Mommy Peptalk: When Things Need to Change

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 17:15:47 +0000
What to do when you are feeling burnt out [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38akG00ETSI]

In Defense of Rabbanit Yemima

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 10:07:49 +0000
[caption id="attachment_1884" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Rabbanit Yemima and me at my daughter\'s bat mitzvah. Photo by Sarah Fefer"][/caption]CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS
Litvish and Chassidish and National Relig-ish. Breslov-niks and Kook-niks and Aish-niks and Chabadniks. So what am I? While I draw inspiration from all of the above, more than anything else I am a dyed-in-the-wool and darned proud Yemima-nik. And I'm not alone. Rabbanit Yemima Mizrachi has tens of thousands of students. A major Israeli newspaper, Makor Rishon, just named her the "3rd most Influential Religious Woman in Israel" and she is widely recognized as the most popular Orthodox female lecturer in Israel. Furthermore, I want to clarify that if I have every said or written anything that has inspired you, you have Rabbanit Yemima to thank. This blog and JewishMom.com is little more than a slanted mirror that reflects out to the English-speaking world the tremendous light that is HaRabbanit Yemima Mizrachi. So imagine how shocked I was to see the two-inch-high headline in the Maariv newspaper this morning stating: "Rabbanit Yemima Mizrachi has Ruled: It is Permitted to Hit a Child on the Hand, accompanied by the subtitle "Innocent Educational Advice or Incitement to Violence against Minors?" The article that follows this bombastic headline is actually very balanced. It says that in her class this week Rabbanit Yemima very sternly warned her students that it is absolutely forbidden to hit a child on the face. She quoted the Gemara which states that "if a person slaps a Jew, it is as though he is slapping the Shechinah, the Divine Presence." Rabbanit Yemima went on to explain that it is permitted to give children a light slap on the hand in three cases: 1. When a child hurts animals 2. When a child is violent towards others 3. When a child uses filthy language. In response to Rabbanit Yemima's class, the director of the Israeli Counsel for the Protection of Children, Dr. Yitzchak Kadmon, stated this week that "Her declaration is an illegal incitement to violence against children." Radio Kol Chai commentator Yedidya Meir, a fellow addict of the weekly transcriptions of Rabbanit Yemima's classes, told his listeners this morning that the Maariv headline had made him laugh out loud. He explained: "The entire Torah of Rabbanit Yemima is love and education. And the number of cases when children did not get hit because of her is tremendous." And that is what is so ridiculous and borderline surreal about this whole story. Today, thousands of mothers, including me, are better and more devoted mothers to their children because of Rabbanit Yemima Mizrachi, who teaches us that every Jewish child is the Holy of Holies. So in the name of all my fellow Yemima-niks AND our children as well, I want to take this opportunity to say thank you, Rabbanit Yemima. For everything. Rabbanit Yemima for Hebrew Speakers... Click to receive transcriptions of Rabbanit Yemima's weekly classes (in Hebrew) Click to register to watch Rabbanit Yemima's Weekly Class (In Hebrew, occasionally with English subtitles). CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Maayana Leibowitz's Musical Debut

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 10:12:52 +0000
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12-year-old Maayana Leibowitz wrote this song "And Miriam Called Out" and performed it at her bat mitzvah celebration last week. I heard this song and thought it was so beautiful that I just HAD to share it with all you moms...She sings it with my absolute favorite musician (and dear friend) Efrat Razel. Turn up your speakers... [vimeo=16255418] CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Mommy Peptalk: I Feel like a Failure

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 01 Nov 2010 07:54:47 +0000
Why effort is more important than success. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qA09kOGIKIE]

Rivka bat Yael Razel Update: A Walking Miracle--Literally

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 01 Nov 2010 11:04:27 +0000
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6 months ago, Israel let out a collective gasp when Rivka bat Yael Razel, the daughter of singer Yonatan Razel and his wife Yael, fell from a ladder on Israel Independence Day and arrived comatose at Hadassah Hospital. That nightmarish night, Rivki's doctors warned her parents that she might not survive those first 24 hours. This month, those same doctors told her parents that Rivki is nothing short of a walking medical miracle. Jewish moms, Rivki's parents thank you from the bottom of their hearts for all of your prayers! And now, an update on Rivki's condition. At present, Rivki's talking is still slow and slurred, but it gets more fluent month by month. In terms of intelligence, Rivki is back to 100%, which is truly phenomenal considering the severity of the brain injury she suffered. Every week, Rivki's teacher, Rachel, tutors Rivki in the material the girls are learning in kindergarten so that she won't be too far behind when she rejoins the gan (my daughter, Moriah, is Rivki's classmate and good friend). Rivki's parents are hoping that within a few months Rivki will be up to rejoining Rachel's kindergarten several hours a week. Ganenet Rachel already set up a drawer for Rivki as she did for all of this year's students and Rivki is on the official kindergarten student list. My Moriah and all of the girls are so eager to have Rivki back in gan… That will be such an incredible day. To bring Moriah to kindergarten, and to have Rivki there playing with her cousin, Miriami, just like before the accident. Rivki is still hospitalized at Alin Hospital where she undergoes an intense daily rehab regimen (Rivki told me that she enjoys hydrotherapy at Alin's pool the best). Every weekday, Rivki returns home from Alin in the late afternoon, and her parents transport her after she falls asleep back to the hospital so that she will be eligible to continue the full schedule of inpatient treatments. The most amazing aspect of Rivki's progress, in my personal opinion, is that Rivki was always a girl with a ton of spark (a true Razel). And when I accompanied Rivki and her mother to their family shul the other day, I saw that while Rivki's talking and walking are still shaky, her spark is totally back in full force. Thank God! And the big news this week is that Rivki just started walking on her own! Rivki has been walking with support since the end of the summer, but this past Shabbat she started walking unassisted around her home! Rivki's physical therapist with 30 years of experience confessed to Rivki's parents that she didn’t think that Rivki would ever walk again. I think I'm going to make a sign with the name "RIVKA BAT YAEL" in big letters and post it in my kitchen. It will remind me the next time a situation seems so gray, so horrible, so inescapable that, in fact, "The redemption of Hashem comes in the blink of an eye." Thank you, Jewish moms, for your prayers. And thank you, Hashem, for bringing back this precious girl we all love so much. One last thing. Rivki still has a way to go to full recovery. At this point, Rivki's mother told me, her biggest issue is physical weakness. Yael and Yonatan are therefore asking for everyone to keep davening, and what time is better than the present? Please read this short psalm for a complete recovery for Rivka bat Yael as well as for my friend Hagit bat Leah, a very ill young mother of 5 children who is in need of some serious Rivka-bat-Yael sized miracles… CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Postpartum Pajamas? What do YOU Think?

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 02 Nov 2010 09:51:37 +0000
[caption id="attachment_1911" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Gabriela Camerotti"][/caption]CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS
This past Sunday, I brought by a meal for a friend who had a baby a week and a half ago. I had just seen her the day before at the Kiddush for her newborn daughter looking pretty much like her regular, pre-pregnancy self in a simple but elegant Shabbat outfit. But when I dropped by this Sunday, I was surprised to find my friend still in her pajamas at 1 PM. Reading my thoughts, my friend told me that she had decided that for the first two weeks following this birth she was going to remain in her pajamas all day, every day. Her pajamas would remind her husband, her mother, her children, and most importantly HERSELF that she is still recovering from a birth and feeling more tired and weak than usual, and that she should be treated (and treat herself) accordingly. If she dressed in regular clothing, she explained, these same people would be more likely to have the same high expectations of her that they have when she is her regular, busy, extremely productive self. And that, she explained, could be detrimental to her recovery. What a brilliant idea, I thought. But on the way home, I remembered another postpartum visit I made last year to deliver a present to another friend. That friend had given birth only a week before, so I was pretty shocked to discover her at 9 AM dressed as if she was about rush off to attend wedding, wearing heels, jewelry, and full makeup. This isn't so unusual for her, since she always dresses really, really nicely. But it was surprising to see her looking like this first thing in the morning a few days after giving birth! When I commented on this, she explained that after she gives birth she makes a special point of getting fully dressed first thing in the morning. She said that looking good is energizing for her. It puts her in a good mood, and makes her feel good about herself, and in that way it's good for her recovery. What a brilliant idea, I thought. So I've been sort of cow-style chewing on these two opposite approaches over the past week. And I decided to release this question from its ricocheting around my brain and turn it over to you moms and ask you what you think about this whole discussion and what works best for you...postpartum pajamas or postpartum fancy or maybe something in between? Leave your comments and vote in the poll below… [polldaddy poll=4022616] CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Keren Ohr's Dream

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 02 Nov 2010 10:20:52 +0000
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Over the past week, thousands of women around Israel have read and watched and and forwarded on Keren Ohr Denan's incredible dream which she shared at last week's class of Rabbanit Yemima Mizrachi. Once you read Keren Ohr's intensely moving story, you will understand what all the fuss is about. Tissues ready, set, go! Three and a half years ago I received a gift. That gift came in the form of a dream. I dreamt that dream at Hadassah Ein Kerem Hospital. [caption id="attachment_1923" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Yehuda Denan several months after diagnosed with Leukemia"][/caption] It took place a month and a half after we got the news that my little boy, just a year-and-a half old, Yehuda, was sick with leukemia, cancer of the blood. That same night I slept at the hospital in the same bed as Yehuda Yoram, who was still nursing. Before I fell asleep that night, I looked at him and saw an amazing baby with no hair, no eyebrows, no eyelashes because of the treatments. And I fell asleep. I see in the dream the image of a large woman coming towards me, and the image has no face. A large woman with great light and great warmth. And I say to her, "Sara, my dear mother, who began the building of the Jewish people. Please give me the strength to pray for my son." And the image of another woman arrives. A large woman with great light and great warmth. And I say to her, "Rebecca, my dear mother, you brought down the spiritual abundance of Sara, so that the candle was always lit and the tent was always open and the dough was always a success. Here is one of your souls, there is a child here who needs your prayers. And I am just a small mother and I cannot pray on my own. I need your help." And two other figures of women arrive. "Rachel and Leah," I say to them, "you established the Jewish people. Here is a member of the Jewish people who needs personal redemption. Help him." Many, many more women arrive. And I say to them, "Holy women of Egypt, in your merit the Jewish people was redeemed from Egypt. Help me." "And more and more women arrive. The Jewish women from the Spanish Inquisition, and the women of Auschwitz, and a very large circle of women forms, a circle of light and power and warmth. And a circle of dancing and prayer forms. And then I look to the side and I see two women who are standing to the side. I look again and I see that one of those women is my mother, and the other woman is my sister-in-law. And both of them have a Jewish home, even though it is a home where not all of the Torah is observed, nor Shabbat. And they stand to the side. And I say to them, "Come, join the women's prayer. Come. Join the dancing of the women, join the women's strength," and they join as well. And at that moment I wake up. I am full of tears and tremendous laughter. And at that moment it was clear to me, even though it was only a month after he had fallen ill, and we only knew that we had two years of treatments ahead of us, and we didn't know what the future would hold. But we knew that it was good. I am here at Hadassah Ein Kerem and I am not alone, a little mother with her son. I knew that no matter what happened to my child and no matter how difficult it would be, I had the strength to cope, because they were with me. The Matriarchs were with me. All of the Jewish women were with me. We are not alone. And this is what I want to pass on to you. Especially at this time when every person has a crisis and something missing, we need to know that we are not alone. They are with us. We only need to let them come in, to bless us, to be with us, in our Jewish essence. Thank God, in a month we will be celebrating Yehuda Yoram's 5th birthday. Thank God, we finished his treatments a year ago. Here and there he has follow-up, but thank God he is a very, very happy child. Just like his name "Yehuda," every day he says "Toda" (Thank You), and every day he laughs. [caption id="attachment_1925" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Keren Ohr with her son, Yehuda"][/caption]He remembers a little bit. "I was sick with Lochemia" he says. He pronounces it "Lochem-ia," God fights for me. We remember a lot. And we take from this whole experience that we are not alone. Story courtesy of www.Parasha.org CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS
Watch Keren Ohr tell her story in Hebrew... [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=biOQOUMI0qo]

3 Ways to Protect Children from Sexual Abuse

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 03 Nov 2010 09:55:31 +0000
[caption id="attachment_1931" align="alignleft" width="199" caption="Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Giant Ginkgo"][/caption] CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS
Last week, a Nachlaot resident was arrested for molesting a large number of neighborhood boys over the course of several years. Like his young victims, this man was an Orthodox Jew. In the aftermath of this local nightmare, I decided to speak with our dear family friend Harabbanit Tami Samet, a senior psychologist in the Israeli school system, in order to learn what parents can do to protect their children from sexual predators. The following are HaRabbanit Tami's 3 main suggestions about how parents can keep their children safe: Psychologist Tami Samet advises: 1. Do you know where your children are? It is imperative that parents know where there children are every minute of the day. I know this isn't easy. Many women have large families, and/or live in closed religious communities where the accepted norm is to let children play on their own. But from experience, I have seen again and again that the worst things can happen in the least expected places. Children have been molested in their front yard, in the lobby of their family's building, in the playground next to their home, etc. And the people doing these terrible things are often the people you would least suspect. Therefore, as a rule, young, pre-school-age children must never be allowed to play outside the home unsupervised. If your child is playing outside, and you need to go inside, you should appoint another trusted adult to be responsible for watching your child while you aren't there Careful adult supervision is especially important for young children since children under the age of 6 have notoriously poor judgment. A stranger could give a child candy, and then that child might think that she must do whatever the stranger tells her to do. We absolutely cannot trust such young children to make wise decisions in dangerous situations. For children who are already school-age, while you don't have to supervise them at all times, you must make sure that you know where they are at all times. Some children come home from school and inform their parents that they are leaving the house "To play with a friend until dinner." As a parent, it is your responsibility to ask that child "Which friend are you visiting?" "Where will you be?" "Who else will be there?" At times, living in a "safe" community such as a settlement or a religious neighborhood can in fact lead to a false sense of security and lack of supervision which could, G-d forbid, endanger our children. 2. Bad People don't Always Look Bad In the religious community, we raise our children to respect adults. So if an adult looks religious, a child will generally assume that this is a good person that he or she can trust. We must teach our children that bad people don't usually look like the evil characters in children's books with a patch over one eye and a keffiyeh wrapped around their necks. In real life, we must teach our children that a bad person can also look like a good person or a religious person. In general, we need to teach our children that dangerous things can happen, and that a bad person might try to seduce them G-d forbid, and that they need to be careful. Parents must tell children explicitly that if another person asks them to do things that make them feel uncomfortable or that are forbidden, then they must say "No!" We need to teach our children that nobody is allowed to touch the private areas of their bodies, or any other area of their body without permission. 3. Keep your Eyes Open If your child is exhibiting unusual behavior, or comes home upset, you should check out what happened. There is no need to interrogate your child, but you should ask your child what happened or if something upsetting took place at school that day. And if your child tells you about something that sounds like sexually inappropriate behavior, you should definitely investigate the matter seriously. To learn more about how to discuss sexual abuse with your children, watch this video with Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller May our increased awareness of the dangers of sexual abuse keep our children and all children everywhere safe! CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

This Week's Mommy Peptalk: The Grandfather and the Soldier

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 07 Nov 2010 10:33:01 +0000
Stories of longing and reconnection from my childhood Conservative synagogue and the battlefront of the 6 Day War. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otGnl-A82gU]

Life after Birth

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 07 Nov 2010 11:08:23 +0000
[caption id="attachment_1944" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Era Phernalia Vintage"][/caption]CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS
My daughter brought home this beautiful, anonymous story from her youth group. I thought it was quite brilliant and unforgettable, so I've translated it into English for you... Enjoy! Inside their mother's womb, two fetuses, one religious and one an Atheist, are having a conversation: Atheist fetus: Tell me, do you believe in life after birth? Religious fetus: Yes, of course, it's clear that there is life after birth. We are here just to grow and get stronger in preparation for the life that awaits us there. That's what they told us. Atheist: What nonsense! There is no life after birth. Birth is the end. What would life after birth even look like?! Religious: I don't exactly know all the details, but I believe that there is more light there, and that we will walk on our feet and eat with our mouths and that there will be many other things that will be different. Atheist: What idiotic babbling! It's impossible that we could walk on our own and that we would eat with our mouths. You are absolutely hilarious! We've got an umbilical cord with which to eat. And that's a fact. It's a shame to live in a world of illusions. Religious: I'm certain that it's possible to live outside the womb. But the life there is totally different from the life here. We can only imagine how life there will be, but I am still certain that there is life after birth. A lot of fetuses believe in this, and it's hard to assume that all of them are wrong. Atheist: But nobody's returned from there to give us a first-hand account! Logic dictates that life ends with birth, and that until then we live in great darkness. Religious: No, no! I don’t know what life outside will look like. But I know that we will finally see our Mother. And she will take care of us. Atheist: Mother? You believe that there is a "Mother"? Then where is she? Why don't we see her or feel her? It's just stories! I only believe in the facts. Religious: I think you are wrong. I believe 100% that a Mother exists, and that we live within her. It is because of her that we move and live. You didn't notice that when it is quiet, if you concentrate and pay attention, that you can hear her? And you can feel that our Mother is thinking and worrying about us and you can even feel that she is caressing us at times. Open your eyes! I believe with all of my soul that also now we have a Mother, and that after we are born she will embrace us, and then real life will begin. And you? Let's try to open our eyes and hearts and pay attention and feel and know that there is Someone looking out for us. That there is something beyond. CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

The Miracle of Conception--A Must See!

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 07 Nov 2010 21:38:39 +0000
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All I can say is WOW! Sperm meets egg and all the zillions of steps leading up to the birth. Absolutely incredible! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iItjtWd0SpE] CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Shepping Nachas from my Dad

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 07 Nov 2010 21:45:57 +0000
[caption id="attachment_1953" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Upton"][/caption]My Dad, Dr. Matthew Freedman, is a radiologist specializing in cancer researcher at Georgetown University Hospital. This week the New York Times posted a front-page article about a group research project he's been very involved in for the last 8 years, which discovered that CT scanning can reduce lung cancer deaths among smokers by 20%! Lung cancer causes far more deaths than any other cancer, causing an average of 157,000 deaths a year in the US. And my dad's project is the first significant progress in detecting and fighting this deadly disease which destroys so many families. Way to go, Dad! Click to see the article

From Broadway to Meah Shearim

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 11:11:48 +0000
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When my parents first met, they liked each other right away. But what really clinched the deal for my mom was the fact that my father, like her, knew all the lyrics of the relatively obscure Broadway musical "Lost in the Stars." And my parents' die-hard love of Broadway musicals has never faltered. Growing up, 99% of our family's record collection consisted of Broadway musicals. And I also inherited the Freedman family Broadway chromosome. Growing up, I would spend hours hovering over the family record player, returning the record player's needle back again and again to the same indented line in order to listen to that week's favorite Broadway tune over and over. My life has changed a ton since those evenings spent hovering over the record player. I grew up pretty much non-observant. Today, I am Orthodox. I grew up in Baltimore. Today I live in Jerusalem. I grew up listening to top 40 and Broadway tunes. Today, I almost never hear music that isn't Jewish. But last week, my fifth grader Hallel was sitting on our sofa, pink-faced and crying about her tough day at school. 5th grade was way too difficult, she told me through her sobs. Several tests every week, piles of homework that would have been too heavy even for the bionic woman. Worst of all, that day Hallel had received the lowest grade of her entire whole elementary school career. So out of the blue, from a stashed away primordial memory, I started singing "The Sun Will Come out Tomorrow!"… And I loved how my voice sounded, strong and tremulous in such a pretty way, serenading my frum Israeli children who until that day had never even heard a Broadway tune. As I belted out this song to my mystified but smiling daughters, I was reminded of the advice the Toldos Aharon Rebbetzin gave me earlier this month: "Focus on the idea that tomorrow will be a better day" and I smiled at my surreal triangle of associations with that song: the rush of the Chassidim through the mysterious alley-ways of Meah Shearim, the creaking wooden floors and microwaved mallo pies of my Baltimore childhood, and the fragrance of my beloved grandmother's favorite perfume as she sat between me and my brother at a Broadway matinee. And I was reminded of the long, strange, blessed trip that my life has been so far and continues to be until today... [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PzL8aL6jtI] CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Leading the War against Sexual Abuse in the Orthodox Community

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 10:43:21 +0000
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JewishMOM.com salutes two revolutionary organizations that are in the front lines of the holy war against sexual abuse in the Orthodox community : 1. For the past 7 years, "Forum Takanah" has been fighting sexual harassment and misconduct by authority figures (i.e. rabbis, teachers, principals etc.) in Israel's religious community. Rabbanit Tami Samet (who provided last week's "3 Rules to Prevent Sexual Abuse") is an active member of the organization's adjudicating board along with Rabbi Aharon Lichtenstein, Rabbi Yaakov Ariel shlit"a, and many other of Israel's leading rabbis, rabbaniot, and community leaders. Through Forum Takanah, victims of abuse can present their complaints to the organization's board, which then takes appropriate action. In a high-profile case last year, it was revealed that Forum Takanah had forced a prominent Rosh Yeshiva with a long-standing history of sexual relationships with young students to resign from his position and forbade him from conducting personal counseling sessions in the future. Forum Takanah's ethical code starts with the stirring words, "There is an obligation to purify our camp from sexual misconduct. There is an obligation because of the mitzvah "Your camp should be holy" and also because of the mitzvah to save oppressed people from their oppressors, as it says "Do not stand on your brother's blood." Jewish moms, say "Amen!" Learn more about Forum Takanah here. http://www.takana.org.il/eng.asp 2. In the US, one of the leaders in fighting sexual abuse in the Orthodox community is OHEL Children's Home and Family Services serving the New York area, Northern New Jersey, Southern Florida, and the worldwide Jewish communitythrough their website. Ohel's website describes the organization's innovative "RESPECT Program on Sexual Abuse" "Ohel Specialists provide counseling for victim and survivors of abuse, ranging in age from young children to adults. Ohel also provides education, treatment and consultation services to victims, survivors, parents, educators, schools and community leaders. The RESPECT program engages in outreach to yeshivas and day schools in the greater New York metropolitan area, providing child safety education and training to students, parents, and teachers in a sensitive manner. OHEL also provides consultation and seminars on the issues to communities across the country." Watch Ohel's video featuring Rabbi Dr. Avraham Twerski and others speaking out against sexual abuse in the religious community: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=toqWxN0laP4] Learn more about Ohel's programs here: http://www.ohelfamily.org/ CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Waiting for Peter

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 10 Nov 2010 10:35:46 +0000
Peter, my husband's step-father, is dying. After a 6-month battle with pancreatic cancer, the oncologist told my mother-in-law last week that Peter's four sons should congregate to Kingston from the 4 corners of Canada to see their father before he passes away. And then on Sunday afternoon, my husband called to tell me that it sounded like Peter had only a few hours to live. So the moment my girls got home from school that day, backpacks still slung across their backs like Ethiopian babies, we dialed Canada to sing "HaMalach HaGoel Oti" for Peter in preparation for the long sleep that lies ahead… But 4 days later, Peter is still with us. He isn't in pain and he is in good spirits, thank G-d. But Peter hasn't eaten or drunk for days, and he is far too weak to get out of bed. He has said good-bye to his siblings, to his friends, to his colleagues from his decades as a government professor at Queens University. I already, at my MIL's request, have filmed my kids talking about their favorite memories of "Saba Peter," who has been a beloved 3rd grandfather for them for their whole lives. I told my kids that I am making a video to make Saba Peter happy. Too morbid, too sad to tell them the truth, that this video will be shown at Peter's memorial service. Peter's sons and my mother-in-law have spent the last few days with Peter. They have been reminiscing and sharing stories and listening to Mozart and waiting, waiting, waiting… When I told my mom about Peter's condition on Sunday, somehow she understood that Peter's death wasn't as imminent as everyone seemed to think. She told me: "Jenny, waiting for death from a terminal illness is like waiting for a birth. You know how it is at the end of pregnancy, when you are waiting and waiting for the birth to finally happen? And another day passes, and another day, and another day, and still nothing's happening? Death is like birth. It takes a long time…" It's ironic that this week, of all weeks, my daughters brought home an unforgettable story from youth group on the birth-death connection called "Life after Birth," which I've translated and posted here. In the meantime, please pray for Peter the son of Kay, who has been a phenomenally wonderful, supportive, and loving husband to my MIL, and a phenomenally accepting, good-hearted, and gracious step-father and grandfather to us and our children.

What Color is Hashem?

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 08:39:44 +0000
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My 3-year-old, Yoel, been asking some funny questions recently. "How does a mouse go to the bathroom if he has a tail?" "Bread comes from flour. Apples come from a tree. But where do people come from?" And yesterday, Yoel's stumper of the day was: "Eema, what color is Hashem?" I responded to Yoel with the feigned interest of a distracted eema: "Ummm…I Dunno…" My bat mitzvah girl, Hadas, responded to Yoel with the rational response of a Rambamist: "Hashem isn't any color!" My kindergartner, Moriah, responded with the theological clarity of a budding mystic: "Hashem is white!" And Yoel responded like Yoel. He ascended to the playroom, and returned after 10 minutes with the answer to his question in hand and the declaration: "Hashem is this color!" CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

This Week's Mommy Peptalk: For Moms of High-Energy Boys

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 09:45:50 +0000
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Inspiration for moms of rambunctious boys. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJx979QpNHI] CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Dear Rebbetzin Heller: Why So Many Kids?

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 10:27:21 +0000
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This week's Q and A from Naaleh.com starts off with a strange question from a woman whose sister is depressed because she "only" has 7 kids. But Rebbetzin Heller's answer is brilliant and so true, an unforgettable reminder of why we have children in the first place. This brought tears to my eyes... Forward video to 2:12 [vodpod id=Video.4922128&w=425&h=350&fv=]
Rebbetzin's Perspective: Balancing Life's Chall..., posted with vodpod
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The Place: The New International Center for Emotional Well-Being

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 11:09:46 +0000
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I just ran into the representatives for an exciting new resource for Orthodox men and women: "The Place: The Jerusalem Center for Emotional Well-Being" at Beit Natan's Health Fair. The Place offers highly- subsidized counseling and support groups as well as a free weekly hotline to discuss mental health and emotional issues anonymously with a religious therapist. The Place also offers counseling via telephone and Skype, in order to accommodate men and women worldwide. Learn more at The Place's website Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Lacrima CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

There Goes My Life

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 10:21:36 +0000
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Two years ago, during a pretty rough stretch of mommy burn-out, I prescribed for myself a month of daily doses of this video. Today, just hearing the intro music makes me start bawling… I think this song by Country music star Kenney Chesney is just about the best Mommy Peptalk that exists. Turn up your speakers and get out your tissues, Jewish moms. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BnRw6AlAKs] CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Some Links you Might Like...

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 11:01:28 +0000
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Here's some links I wanted to share with you moms: 1. Mrs. Dina Friedman's Parenting Classes: I just signed up for Mrs. Dina Friedman's famous year-long parenting class. I heard a demo class, and Mrs. Friedman sounds totally brilliant and incredibly perceptive about kids and human nature. Her class is based on self-transformation in order to be a better mother. I heard over a thousand moms are taking the class this year. Why don't you join me? Registration is closing NOW! Click to visit her site and listen to a sample class 2. Jerusalem's New Mother-Friendly US Consulate: Here's an article I wrote this week for AMotherinIsrael.com on my surprisingly pleasant outing last week to the US consulate to register Tsofia's birth. 3. Chazak Hotline: I have become addicted to the Chazak Hotline, and specifically to its recordings on "Coping with Life's Challenges." This section of the hotline (option 3 followed by option 2) features over 80 incredibly moving personal accounts of coping with loss, illness, tragedy, addiction, and other terrible tsures. I listen to these stories every Friday morning when I'm preparing for Shabbat, and they inspire me so much. The best part is that these stories make me feel so ecstatic that I am able to chop carrots for my chicken soup, and set forks on my table, and wash my disgusting kitchen floor. Believe it or not, I am already up to class number 48! Highly recommended! CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Erica Jong's Daughter says "Thanks Mom!"

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 11:05:37 +0000
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You might have heard about the recent controversial editorial by Fear of Flying author Erica Jong criticizing attachment parenting. Thank you to JewishMOM Rachel Tal of Toronto for sending it my way. I read Jong's editorial, but what I really loved was the response by Erica Jong's daughter, who thanks her famous, feminist, airport-hopping mother for enabling her to choose to be a stay-home mom. (Erica Jong and her daughter Molly Jong-Fast are Jewish moms, by the way) Molly Jong-Fast writes, "Ironically, it was because of my mother's hard work that I have the life I do now. She worked hard so that the women of my generation could have the choice to work or to stay home. She slept in hotel rooms in San Diego so that I could cuddle with my own children. She spoke to large groups of women in Toledo so that I could work at the school book fair. We can devote ourselves to our work, or we can decide to be 1950s June Cleaver types. And that's because of the sacrifices that my mom and her feminist comrades made. My mother made sacrifices so that I could have choices, and perhaps that makes her a better mother than I will ever be." What a beautiful tribute from a Jewish mom to her Jewish mom. Read Molly Jong-Fast's article here CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Mommy Peptalk: Overcoming Depression and Anxiety

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 21 Nov 2010 10:27:34 +0000
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6 Tips for struggling moms. [vimeo=17045581] CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Comfort, Healing, and Joy by Dr. David Fox

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 09:02:12 +0000
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In a comment she left on this week's peptalk on overcoming depression and anxiety, a viewer named Becky highly recommended the book Comfort, Healing, and Joy: Secrets to Leading a Magnificent Life by Dr. David Fox. So I googled the book, and downloaded a free copy of the 1st chapter on Amazon. I'm embarrassed to tell you that this selection below from the book made me cry, since so many things I post make me cry that you probably think by now that my computer is circled by a moat of tears. But, the truth is, it did...Enjoy, Jewish mom! Some people were exposed early on in life to frequent criticisms and negative judgments, leaving them feeling like they're never good enough, or otherwise incomplete in some way. Over and over again, throughout their lives they re-play that critical voice in their head, generating the feeling of being inadequate each and every time they do. That inner voice can be so automatic and so subtle, a person might not even be conscious of hearing it at all. Even high achievers- perhaps that is why are they are high achievers- can suffer from a poor self-image, leading them on a quenchless thirst for proving themselves worthy of validation from others over and over again. The trouble is they simply see themselves through the eyes of the harsh critic that resides within their minds, and they don't like who and what they see. If this is true for you, even sometimes, if not more often, there is another way. Think of someone right now who loves you deeply and without conditions, in other words, for no particular reason at all. This person may be alive, and a part of your life, or they could have passed on long ago. If you can't think of anyone, that's alright too. Just ask yourself what it would be like if someone did love you deeply and unconditionally, even if they're not in your life at this time. In your mind's eye, step inside that person now. That's right, place yourself inside of them, and while you are there, see yourself through their eyes, the same eyes that hold a deep love for you. Notice how it feels when you picture yourself through the lens of unconditional love. If you could speak to yourself through this person, how affectionate would this loving voice sound to you? What would this caring voice say to you? How charitable would it be? CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Giving Thanks: Don't Wait for the Kodak Moment

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 23 Nov 2010 21:25:10 +0000
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A few days ago, an older woman knocked on my door and asked if she could see my home. She explained, a bit embarrassed, that close to 70 years ago she had lived in my living room with her parents and five siblings. The woman, who introduced herself as Levana, immediately struck me as someone from a very different tax bracket than the typical Israelis I meet in Jerusalem. She confirmed my impressions when she explained that she was visiting for the day from one of Israel's wealthiest communities. As Levana entered my home, she first glanced towards the stairs which were constructed when our house was built up ten years ago from being a one-room apartment into a four-room home. I offered to show her the new upstairs, but she didn't hear me. She had already sighted our living room, and she was transfixed. "It is exactly the same as I remember!" she squealed as she moved inside. Her face lit up and before my eyes, she was transformed from the cosmopolitan woman who strode through my door into the little girl she had been when she lived in this room. She pointed in one corner and said, "This is where my parents slept!" and then pointing to the other corner said, "And this is where I slept with my five siblings!" When I asked her how it was possible that so many people had lived together in one room, she flashed me an ironic smile brimming with nostalgia. "Don't ask!" Levana circled around my living room. "My brothers and sisters and I would chase each other around this room for hours. I still remember the Shabbat candles my mother lit over there, and the family meal we would eat when my father came home from synagogue over there. And the windows! These are the windows where I would sit and watch the snow falling in the winter." "Over there," she pointed to our entrance hall, "my mother had her kitchen. It was no more than a closet with a small gas stove, but I can still remember coming home from school and smelling her cooking from the front steps. If only I could cook like she did!" It is difficult to imagine how Levana's family coped under such crowded conditions. I feel crowded in our home which is at least three times as large as the one where Levana spent her childhood. On top of this, the years that Levana lived with her family in my living room were times of food rationing, wars, curfews, and hand-to-mouth survival. After Levana left, I thought about her a great deal, and about my own daughter knocking on the front door of this house in 70 years. What would she say about the years she will spend in these crayon-marked walls? It struck me that Levana's central memories were not of the Kodak moments of her young life. Her fondest memories were of everyday family routine -- playing tag in the living room with her brothers and sisters, her mother cooking in the kitchen, eating a Shabbat meal. Her sweetest memories were of her family simply being together. Really together. It is human nature to be grateful for things that are new. We are thankful for the new baby that we have anxiously waited for. We are thankful for the new job we've been searching for half a year. We are thankful for winning $20,000 in the lottery. We are thankful for recovering from an illness. What is revolutionary about Judaism is that it teaches us to be thankful for the routine blessings in our life as well. We open our eyes in the morning and the first thing we do is thank God that we are still alive. We go to the bathroom, and afterwards we say a blessing thanking God that our body is still functioning as it should be. We sit down to eat a bowl of cornflakes, and before we take a bite we say a blessing thanking God that we still have food. We say our morning prayers and thank God for the daily gift of being a Jew. In this season of thanksgiving, take a few minutes to thank God for the blessings in your life that may never make it into your photo album. For the games of tag in your living room, for family meals in the glow of the Shabbat candles, for the warm, cozy feeling of home when you look out of your window at the cold darkness. Take a few moments this week to be grateful for the everyday gifts of being together. Really together. Reprinted from Aish.com CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Non-Drug Treatments for Depression in Nursing and Post-Partum Women

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 08:42:08 +0000
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The following article is a fantastic overview of alternative ways of treating depression by Kathleen Kendall-Tackett, Ph.D., IBCLC (AKA Uppity Science Chick- if women's mental health interests you, you should DEFINITELY check out her EXCELLENT articles on her site). I especially appreciate how she provides such easy-to-follow instructions and dosages for these different techniques at the end of the article. Special thanks for JewishMOM SK for telling me about this site. Non-Drug Treatments for Depression in Nursing and Post-Partum Women by Kathleen Kendall-Tackett, Ph.D., IBCLC Sarah has had depression on and off throughout most of her adult life. She finally found an antidepressant that worked for her. But now she’s pregnant and she’s been hearing all the awful things about antidepressants during pregnancy. She’s talked with her doctor about it, and he has assured her that the risk of problems is very small. But he is willing to consider other approaches. He is simply worried that she will get depressed again if she stops taking her medications, and her depression would also be bad for the baby. Michelle has never had a problem with depression. But she is 4 months postpartum and her mother died unexpectedly. Her mother’s death has had a devastating effect and she is finding herself having problems completing even the simplest of tasks. She is overwhelmed with sorrow and grief, and her midwife is recommending an antidepressant to help her through this time. She too is worried about how antidepressants will affect her baby. Depression during pregnancy and postpartum are fairly common, affecting anywhere from 15% to 25% of women. Antidepressants are an important part of the treatment arsenal for depression. But clinicians, and women themselves, are increasingly concerned about their use in pregnancy and while breastfeeding. Specifically, do antidepressants taken during pregnancy cause birth defects? Some studies have found that found a small, but statistically significant, increase in problems, such as heart defects. Other studies have found no harmful effects of antidepressants. Similarly, are there hazards for infants if their mothers takes antidepressants while breastfeeding? Health care providers often make treatment decisions by balancing the risks and benefits of a medication. Is the risk of using the medication less than the risk of the mother getting depressed again? In most cases, the risk of using the medication is less than the risk of possible depression, so clinicians will prescribe it. But are antidepressants the only choice? Curiously, while people debate about antidepressant use in both research studies and the popular media, non-drug treatments for depression are largely absent from the discussion. Fortunately, antidepressants are not the only choice for treating depression and may offer a safe “third choice” for treating depression during pregnancy and breastfeeding. Physicians and other health care providers may not consider these non-drug treatments, assuming that they cannot address more severe depression. But recent research paints a very different picture. There are a number of non-drug treatments that are effective for even major depression. Non-drug treatments include Omega-3s, exercise, bright light therapy, psychotherapy, and St. John’s wort. Many of these can be combined with each other, and are sometimes used in addition to antidepressants (only St. John’s wort cannot be combined with medications). I describe these treatment options below. Omega-3 Fatty Acids The long-chain Omega-3 fatty acids, EPA and DHA, have been used successfully to both prevent and treat depression. Both of these are found in fatty fish. EPA is the Omega-3 that actually treats depression because it specifically addresses the physiologic consequences of depression and lowers the stress response. It has been used by itself or has been combined with medications. When it is used with medications, it makes medications work more effectively. The American Psychiatric Association recently recognized EPA as a promising treatment for mood disorders. DHA helps prevent depression, but studies so far have found that it does not treat it by itself. It is usually combined with EPA. There is a vegetarian source of DHA, but no vegetarian source of EPA; fish oil is still the best source. (Vegetarian DHA is the same product that is added to infant formula. Some mothers object to it because of that connection, but it is a safe supplement for mothers to take.) Sources and dosages are listed on the side bar. Even in relatively large doses, EPA and DHA are safe for pregnant and breastfeeding women, and provide a number of other health benefits for women, including lower their risk of heart disease and making them less vulnerable to stress. ALA, the Omega-3 in flax seed and other plant sources, such as walnuts and canola oil, does not prevent or treat depression. ALA is not harmful and can be helpful in other ways. But it is metabolically too far removed from EPA to aid in lessening depression. Bright Light Therapy Bright light is another treatment for depression that is as effective as medications in alleviating seasonal, or winter, depression. More recently, light therapy has been used to successfully treat nonseasonal depression. It has also been used to treat depression in pregnant and breastfeeding women, although the study sizes are still small. An illumination level of 10,000 lux for 30 to 40 minutes is the most commonly used dosage. But lower light intensities have also been effective. To get the recommended amount of light, you will need a special light box (see sidebar for names of some reputable vendors). Regular home lighting is not sufficiently bright to alleviate depression. Light therapy first thing in the morning is more effective than light therapy later in the day. Dawn simulation is an alternative to standard light therapy. With dawn simulation, a light box is on a timer and comes on before women awaken, which may prove more practical for mothers of infants or young children. Light therapy is safe to use during pregnancy and breastfeeding. Health care providers have also added it as a treatment when antidepressants were not working. Exercise The most important studies on exercise as a treatment for depression were two randomized trials from Duke University Medical Center that directly compared exercise to Zoloft. In both studies, exercise was as effective Zoloft in treating major depression. The strongest effects are for aerobic exercise, but weight lifting and stretching/yoga are also helpful. If you exercise at a moderate level, exercise is safe during pregnancy or breastfeeding. The guidelines for treating mild-to-moderate and major depression with exercise are listed [below]. The recommended exercise regimen for treating major depression requires more effort than the regimen for mild-to-moderate depression. But it is a viable alternative to medications and many women find that it is worth the effort. In the second Duke study, the researchers found that the group that came to the lab to exercise had a lower rate of depression than the group that followed a home exercise program. The fact that they needed to come to the laboratory probably meant that they received social support from study staff and fellow participants in addition to benefits of exercise. They were also probably more likely to exercise regularly when they knew that they were expected to be someplace to do it. You might find that exercise in a group setting works well for you too. Psychotherapy Don’t let anyone tell you that “talking therapy” is not effective for serious depression. That simply is not true. Two types of psychotherapy are effective for perinatal depression, even if severe: cognitive-behavioral therapy and interpersonal psychotherapy. Both have proven as effective as medications in treating major depression. Cognitive therapy’s premise is that depression is due to distortions in people’s beliefs about themselves and the world. By addressing these beliefs, depression diminishes. This type of therapy is also effective in treating anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder and even chronic pain. If you are interested in learning more, I’d recommend the book, Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David Burns. It is a do-it-yourself guide to cognitive therapy. The organizations listed in the sidebar can also provide further information. Interpersonal psychotherapy (IPT), the newer modality, is quickly becoming the psychotherapy of choice for pregnant and postpartum women. IPT specifically addresses women’s key relationships, the support they receive from those relationships and how the relationships have changed since having a baby. It teaches mothers to identify sources of support and increase the amount of support they receive from existing relationships. It’s been used with many high-risk mothers to both prevent and treat depression during pregnancy and postpartum. For more information on either modality, refer to the organizations listed [below]. St. John’s wort The herbal antidepressant St. John’s wort is the most widely prescribed antidepressant in the world, and it is highly effective in treating depression. Its standard uses are for mild-to-moderate depression, but it has been used for major depression as well. When researchers have compared St. John’s wort to Zoloft and Paxil, St. John’s wort was as effective as medications and patients reported fewer side effects. It is safe for breastfeeding, but some have expressed caution about its use during pregnancy. Used by itself, St. John’s wort has an excellent safety record. But there are two important cautions. First, it can interact with other medications, so should not be combined with antidepressants, birth control pills, cyclosporins, and several other classes of medications. If you decide to take St. John’s wort, be sure to tell your doctor, midwife or other health care provider. Second, brands of herbal products vary widely in quality, and it’s not always possible to tell which product is good quality. Seek the advice of a naturopath or licensed herbalist to find a good product, or visit ConsumerLabs. com for information on specific brands. In summary, there is a wide array of evidence-based treatments for depression that can be safely used during pregnancy and breastfeeding. Antidepressants can also be used. The only unwise choice is not treating depression because it can have serious consequences for both you and your baby. Does the Benefit Outweigh the Risk? Before prescribing antidepressants to pregnant or breastfeeding women, clinicians consider the risks and benefits. Does the benefit of using a medication outweigh the risk? With antidepressants, it’s not an idle question. For example, in one recent study, 20% of women who took antidepressants throughout their pregnancies had preterm babies. But 20% of the pregnant women with untreated depression also had preterm babies. Four to nine percent of the women who were either not depressed, or who had taken antidepressants only some of the time, had preterm babies. The researchers noted that there are substantial risks associated with NOT treating depression, and these need to be considered in any risk-benefit equation. For More Information about Non-Drug Treatments for Depression Omega-3 Fatty Acids (EPA & DHA) Fish oil is still the best source of EPA and DHA (although a vegetarian DHA is available.) The U.S. Pharmacoepia specifically tests fish-oil products for contaminants. Visit USP.org for information about specific brands. Recommended dosages are as follows: • 200-400 mg is the current recommended dosage of DHA for prevention of depression, but dosages of up to 800-1000 mg may soon be recommended • 1,000 mg EPA for treatment of depression (can be combined with medication and/or DHA) • U.S. Food and Drug Administration GRAS (generally recognized as safe) Levels: - 1,500 mg DHA - 3,000 mg DHA/EPA Light Therapy Rosenthal, N.E. (2006). Winter blues: Everything you need to know to beat seasonal affective disorder, Revised Ed. New York: Guilford. Sources for Light Boxes These are two companies I’ve found to be reputable. • The Sunbox Company www.sunbox.com • TrueSun.com www.truesun.com Exercise For mild-to-moderate depression • Frequency: 2 to 3 times a week • Intensity: moderate • Duration: 20 to 30 minutes For major depression • Frequency: 3 to 5 times a week • Intensity: 60% to 85% maximum capacity • Duration: 45 to 60 minutes Psychotherapy... [this is Chana Jenny Weisberg's addition, a great resource for mental health referrals in the Orthodox community is: http://www.reliefhelp.org/] St. John’s wort Dosage: 300 mg, three times a day Standardized to: 0.3% hypericin or 2% to 4% hyperforin www.ConsumerLab.com (rates quality of nutritional products through independent testing) Humphrey, S. (2003) Nursing mothers’ herbal. Minneapolis: Fairview Press. The Complete German Commission E Monographs available online and for purchase from the American Botanical Council, www.herbalgram.org For More Information on Treatment of Postpartum Depression Kendall-Tackett, K.A. (2010). Depression in new mothers, 2nd Edition. London: Routledge. Kendall-Tackett, K.A. (2008). Non-pharmacologic treatments for depression in new mothers. Amarillo, TX: Hale Publishing. Kathleen Kendall-Tackett, Ph.D., IBCLC is a health psychologist, board-certified lactation consultant, and La Leche League Leader. She is clinical associate professor of pediatrics at Texas Tech University School of Medicine in Amarillo, Texas. For more information, visit her Web sites: UppityScienceChick.com and BreastfeedingMadeSimple.com. CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

A Jewish Mom's Omega 3 Testimonial

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 09:06:13 +0000
[caption id="attachment_2049" align="alignleft" width="199" caption="Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user gwilmore"] CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS
[/caption]In 1993, Shula and I were roommates and dear buddies when we studied together for a year at Jerusalem's Pardes Institute. After that tremendously fantastic and exciting year for me of falling in love with Israel, the Torah, and my boyfriend (now husband), Shula moved back to New York to start medical school, and I remained in Israel...After that, Shula and I lost touch for 17 years, until Shula found a link and we reconnected through this blog. Isn't that wonderful? (I cannot tell you how many incredible blessings in my life have come through connecting with moms through this blog. Thank you Hashem for creating the internet and enabling and inspiring me to create JewishMom.com!). 6 years a nutritionist advised me to eat a tablespoon of ground linseeds in my oatmeal every morning, and I have religiously done so every morning since. At the time, the nutritionist stated mysteriously, "Linseeds are really good for mothers." Now I understand why. Here is Shula's personal amazing account of how linseeds and Omega 3 helped her to overcome anxiety during a phenomenally stressful period of her life... Just about five years ago, when I was nursing my then four month-old, I decided to add flax seeds to my morning oatmeal because I’d heard that “omega-3s” were good for babies and that flax was a good source. After a few months of steadily increasing the amount of flax, I arrived at work and was so noticeably calmer than usual, that a colleague even commented on it. At that point, I walked over to a computer and googled “omega-3 and anxiety” and discovered a trove of studies demonstrating CLEAR benefits. If this sounds like one more anecdote citing help from a supplement, what I left out is that my husband had moved out the week earlier. I had spent that week distraught and overwhelmed. Before I made the connection between flaxseed and my mental health, I even considered the possibility that I’d used up my lifetime allotment for stress. (I know, if only….) In case you’re suspicious that my husband’s moving out was what alleviated my depression, the answer is a resounding NO. Full-time working and single parenting of an infant (however wonderful he is – and he IS!) is an incredibly stressful combination…. Baruch Hashem, life is smoother these days. Flax is my medication. My now five year-old has a calmer mother. He even reminds me to make sure I finish my “dose” if I’m running late in the morning…. How much to take? I grind my flaxseed fresh every morning – highly recommended due to waning potency over a week in the refrigerator. Somewhere between one teaspoon and two tablespoons is likely to work, with studies showing a person’s whole-body deficit taking weeks to months to replace before the anti-anxiety/depressive effect kicks in. (I was on for three months before I saw an effect. Also eliminated menstrual cramps….) Google Omega-3′s and see for yourself! A major caveat: My good friend who noticed my dramatic change in mood figured she should try it too, even though she was well-treated on Prozac. Within a week, she was deeply depressed. Clearly, Prozac worked for her, and the depression quickly lifted when she cut out the flax. So if you’re taking medication, please work with your mental health care provider if you are considering trying this…. CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

The Web's Top Resource for Family Purity Laws

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 09:39:56 +0000
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For any question you have related to niddah and the family purity laws, I highly, highly (yep, here's another one) HIGHLY recommend that you check out Nishmat's phenomenal, huge, and easy-to-use Women's Health and Halacha Website. The site features: * Over 100 articles on Family Purity and women's health. * Thousands of real questions and answers, posted anonymously. * Ask the Yoetzet: submit questions online to a yoetzet halacha (a woman who has undergone intensive study of the laws related to Family Purity and Mikveh) Nishmat, thank you for creating such a tremendous and unprecedented resource for Jewish women worldwide! CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Just Another Day in Paradise

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 10:32:36 +0000
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Here's another Country Music song I LOVE by Phil Vassar. It's sure to enable you to laugh today at the mess and the crying and the broken washing machine. (Warning for sensitive viewers, this song and video definitely would not receive a haskama, sorry) [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rq7tg-n_Bu0] CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Mommy Peptalk: How to Stop Misbehavior

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 28 Nov 2010 09:38:56 +0000
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A simple and highly effective tool to eliminate child misbehavior from Mrs. Dina Friedman of the Chanoch l'Naar parenting course. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjMakv6c8GQ] CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Dear Rebbetzin Heller: Epidural, Yes or No?

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 28 Nov 2010 10:54:56 +0000
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Rebbetzin Heller has VERY strong feelings about pain relief during labor. Please share your reactions to this controversial Naaleh.com video in the comments below...(A huge thanks to JewishMOM Sharona for sending me this link) forward to 16:58 to watch... [vodpod id=Video.5005964&w=425&h=350&fv=]
Dear Rebbetzin Heller: Epidural, Yes or No?, posted with vodpod
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The JewishMOM.com Chanukah Raffle

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 09:40:04 +0000
[caption id="attachment_2083" align="alignleft" width="226" caption="The Raffle Winner will receive this newly-released book"][/caption]What do I love the best about Chanukah? So many things! -I LOVE eating latkes with sour cream and homemade apple sauce. My mouth is watering just thinking about them. (Though I don't much enjoy the indigestion afterwards...The Festival of Lights and Tums) -I love the relaxed early evenings hanging out with my family by the magical, Ohr-HaGanuz-ish light of the menorahs -I love walking around the neighborhood with my kids and collectively ooh-ing and ah-ing at all the menorahs What do YOU love best about Chanukah? Leave a comment below about what you love most about Chanukah, and you will be eligible to participate in this year's JewishMOM.com Chanukah Raffle. The winner will receive a free copy of the newly-released book Eight Winter Nights: A Family Chanukah Book by Laura Krauss Melmed.* Eight Winter Nights is a collection of sweet and simple poems about Chanukah. The illustrations are also quite beautiful, soft colors as though they are lit by a menorah...And my kids loved it. *Sorry, only residents of Canada and the US are eligible for this raffle. To participate in the raffle, please submit comments before Shabbat Chanukah.

Remembering Peter: My Husband's Tribute to his Step-Father

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 09:58:21 +0000
Last week, my husband's stepfather, Peter Leslie, passed away after a 6-month battle with pancreatic cancer. In this video, my husband reads the final letter he wrote to Peter to say thank you and goodbye... [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFOGtNrkf0M]

Itzhak Perlman's "Winter"

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 10:35:53 +0000
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In Israel, it's Chanukah and it's 92 degrees outside. The summer goes on and on and the drought continues to suck the Kinneret dry. As I listened to this recording of Itzhak Perlman playing the "Winter" movement from Vivaldi's 4 Seasons, I closed my eyes and yearned for a silent, traffic-stopping blizzard or a cats-and-dogs downpour outside my window. Enjoy this video of the world's most beautiful prayer for winter. Hashem, please please please send us rain... [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dggfA9Vo64U] CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Rivka bat Yael Update: Welcome Back, Rivki!

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 09:07:32 +0000
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Wonderful news this week from Nachlaot! 7 months after her near fatal head injury on Israeli Independence Day, little Rivki Razel returned to her kindergarten, Gan Rachel, for the first time this past Friday in order to participate in the gan's weekly Kabbalat Shabbat ceremony. It was an event that Rivki and her parents and all the girls in the kindergarten had been looking forward to with a tremendous amount of anticipation after months of praying that Rivki (Rivka bat Yael) would have a speedy, complete, and miraculous recovery. Rivki's teacher, Ganenet Rachel decorated the door with a colorful sign saying "Welcome back to our Dear Rivki!" Rivki, who is now walking on her own and talking slowly but clearly, handed out silly bandz to all the girls and seemed excited and happy to be back at her old gan. My Moriah distributed caramel ice cream we brought in Rivki's honor, and Rivki's father, singer Yonatan Razel, came in to sing for the girls in honor of Rivki's return. Rivki will also be coming to the gan today (Wednesday) to participate in the gan's Chanukah Party. However, it seems that Rivki will not be returning to the gan on a regular basis in the near future. While her recovery so far has been nothing short of miraculous, for the next while Rivki will continue to receive inpatient treatment at the Alin Rehab Hospital, Please continue to include Rivka bat Yael in your prayers. Rivki is still in need of many miracles in this season of miracles in order to return to her pre-accident level of health and functioning. Please read this chapter of psalms for a complete recovery for Rivka bat Yael as well as for my dear friend Hagit bat Leah, a dynamic, glowing, powerhouse, faith-filled 39-year-old mother of 5 who has cancer and is currently fighting for her life. CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

On my Way to buy Potatoes...

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 10:25:42 +0000
[caption id="attachment_2111" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Dr. Hemmert"][/caption]CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS
This morning, excited to be on my way to buy potatoes for latkes, I thought of an older couple I know that has "EVERYTHING." They've got the intensely successful careers that have brought them wealth and even local newspaper celebrity. They've got the 2 BMWs with the matching Harvard stickers. They've got the mansion in one of America's wealthiest neighborhoods. By contrast, I realized, on a material level I have sooooo little. But you know what I remembered this morning on my way to buy those potatoes? I remembered that if somebody offered me a million dollars, a billion dollars, a trillion dollars, I would never agree to give up what I do have. I wouldn't give up this Jewish home, this Jewish family, this Jewish life. I wouldn't give up the smell of frying latkes in my kitchen, and the eager faces of my children singing "Maoz Tsur" by the Chanukah candles, and this light-filled week illuminated by the exalted spirit of miracles past and present. Thank you God for granting me this priceless gift. Thank you, God, for making me a Jew. CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Mommy Peptalk: The "Holiday" Concert

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 05 Dec 2010 11:03:53 +0000
Moving reflections on the school Christmas concerts of my childhood. [googlevideo=http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3255264466357241912&hl=en#]

What's Inside Your Drawer?

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 12:04:53 +0000
[caption id="attachment_2120" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Pammy LZ"][/caption] CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS
If you read A Chanukah Wave you know that Chanukah is a real struggle for me. But over the years, I've taken steps to make it a whole lot better than it once was... When I was a kid, I looked forward to vacations from school more than anything else in the world. But for many years as a mom, there were few things I dreaded more. The school-less weeks of Succot, Pesach, Chanukah, and summer vacation used to be so terribly awful for me since I absolutely need a few hours every day on my own. I need time to think my own thoughts and write my own stuff and answer your emails and get my endorphins flowing on the treadmill. But for years, inspired by guilt, I would push myself to be like all those model mothers spending every moment of these vacations with their children at the museum and the zoo and the Jerusalem Forest. And then two or three years ago, after too many miserable vacations, I did some soul-searching and I realized that I as a person must have at least 3 kid-less hours a day to function. At the very least, I need silent, focused time to write, to exercise, to rest. And I decided that I was going to do everything necessary to get those hours for myself. Since then, every vacation I have recruited visiting grandparents, babysitters, my older children, etc. in order to make sure I get my three hours a day—no matter what. The truth is that I still do feel sort of guilty that I'm not joining those model moms with the camcorders by the penguin exhibit, but the guilt grows less and less as the years pass because I know that if I have those few hours for me, then I am a good mom. If not, I am not. And in the end, I also see that our new way of doing vacations is a win-win situation for my whole family. While I still struggle a lot with vacations, if I have time to myself I am a lot happier. And my kids are a lot happier that they get to do the fun activities they love, and still return home to a somewhat happy and relaxed mother. It's like my parenting teacher Dina Friedman taught us last week. If you are feeling resentful of giving to others, then that means that you are not been giving enough to yourself. Or like Rabbanit Yemima Mizrachi taught us a few years back. Every mother needs a drawer of her life that is hermetically sealed just for herself. If she doesn't have that locked drawer, then she won't have anything to give to anybody else. My locked drawer is my computer/exercise/rest time. Another mother's drawer might be time to work on her art, or on her career, or to spend time with her friends. What is your hermetically sealed drawer? Leave a comment to share what you need to give to yourself in order to be the best mom you can be… CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Some Weird Things about the Haifa Fire

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 11:31:07 +0000
[caption id="attachment_2125" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Photo by Flickr.com user RobW"][/caption] CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS
This past Shabbat, I was thinking about the fire raging in the North that had already claimed 41 lives. Looking at my Shabbat candles, I remembered all the broken, mourning widows who were spending their first Shabbat without a husband. I was thinking of all the little children who were spending their first Shabbat without their Abba. I was thinking of all the grieving parents who were spending their first Shabbat in a world and a life deprived of their beloved sons. May the memory of all those lost in the worst fire in Israel's history be a blessing. Yehee Zichram Baruch. Over the course of the 77 hour fire and since a lot of thoughts have been running through my head about the spiritual significance of this raging fire that started on the very day the Jewish people began lighting their menorahs afire: -Isn't it weird that Greece was the first country to respond to help Israel put out this fire that started on the first day of Chanukah? -Isn't it weird that almost every other year there is some sort of war/disaster that requires the evacuation of tens of thousands of Israelis from their homes who must then be hosted by families in other parts of the country? During the War in the South, the War in the North, and now the Haifa Fire, thousands of Israelis opened their homes to host displaced families. It's as though Hashem creates disasters in order to remind us of the fact that despite our differences, all of us Jews are sisters and brothers. -And the weirdest thing of all. Look at this quotation from Midrash Raba (Shir Hashirim 2:5, elaborating on the passage, K'shoshana bane ha chuchim) reprinted here with permission from one of my favorite blogs Lazerbeams saying that right before the Messiah comes God will burn the outskirts of Haifa. May God protect all of the Jewish people and the whole world from all future tragedies and disasters! CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

200 Countries, 200 Years, 4 Minutes

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 11:50:31 +0000
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If you read my post about the Haifa fire, you know that this week I have had the Messianic Era on the brain. And then my husband's old and dear friend Yaal Herman sent this BBC video with more proof that we are living in a unique (pre-Messianic?) period of history... [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbkSRLYSojo] CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

A Big Surprise on the Way!

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 12:03:48 +0000
[caption id="attachment_2136" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user SaZeOd"][/caption] In a few weeks, you and all of my dear blog readers are going to be receiving a big surprise. I can't give you any details about what's about to happen because it's, well, a surprise! But I am hard at work on this project, and you are definitely going to totally love it...

The Chanukah Wave

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 08 Dec 2010 10:58:19 +0000
[caption id="attachment_2141" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Isolino"][/caption] CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS
"How's Chanukah going?" my friend asked me in the market yesterday. In Israel, children are on vacation from school for most or all of Chanukah. And that means that I have spent most of Chanukah feeling like I did as a child when I was jumping in the ocean waves on the New Jersey shore. Sometimes, during those sunny and sandy hours of jumping, I would get sucked under and tossed around so thoroughly inside a huge wave that for a few panicky seconds I feared I would never ever find my way back to the sunshine again. And that stuck-in-the-wave feeling is how Chanukah feels to me. Chanukah is a tidal wave of kids crying for apple juice and fighting over a skirt "borrowed" without permission and exploding with laughter over a song they made up and blasting "Maoz Tsur" on recorder in my ear and a house that is turned upside down almost as soon as I finally manage to turn it right side up. I looked at my friend and said, "I feel like I'm drowning in Chanukah." She nodded and I smiled, and then I returned home for my favorite part of Chanukah. I chose my candles, and lit my menorah. And then, as I try to do every night of Chanukah, I sat for half an hour just watching my candles. And for that half an hour I just sat back and enjoyed being stuck inside the Weisberg family Chanukah wave. Rabbi Nivin taught us in his pre-Chanukah class that the lesson of Chanukah is that EVERYTHING is from God. And so that is what I have been thinking about every night sitting in the darkness on my living room sofa, surrounded by my family. I look at my children. Laughing. Crying. Playing. Being. Everything is from God. I look at the flames of the Chanukah candles stretching up towards Heaven. Everything is from God. I look at the wave that swirls around and around and has swallowed me whole. Everything is from God. CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Singing in the Rain

JewishMOM.com — Sat, 11 Dec 2010 22:03:44 +0000
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As I walked my umbrella-toting kidlings bundled up in their fluffiest coats and greenest rain ponchos to nursery school this morning, this is the song I was humming. If I lived in Melbourne or LA or London, I bet I would have been grumbling in the rain this morning rather than singing in it. But after this bone-dry, oven-hot summer and then fall that lasted into and beyond Chanukah, I'm sure I wasn't the only person singing this song today in this drenched and Holy Land...Enjoy! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7QL46cK7B8] CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Mommy Peptalk: The Vizhnitz Wedding Song

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 12 Dec 2010 10:16:55 +0000
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[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAFkKR-wJzI]

The Best Advice I Ever Got

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 10:44:44 +0000
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A year ago this month, two women who read this blog told me that I absolutely had to try out the Personal Development Chabura of Rabbi Aryeh Nivin. Looking back, I understand that that was quite possibly the best advice I have ever received. No class or course I have ever taken has improved my life as dramatically as this chabura, and I HIGHLY recommend it from the bottom of my heart to every Jewish mom reading this. If you've been on this mailing list for a while, you know that over the years I have never ever sent out a special mailing like this to promote anything. But I have decided to send out this special mailing in order to tell you moms about an unprecedented, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity being offered by Rabbi Nivin in honor the Chabura's 5th Anniversary. For the first time ever, you will be able to: Try the first 4 sessions for free, with no obligation! And, as a special incentive to JewishMOM.com readers, every woman who registers for this 4-week offer will automatically participate in a raffle to win an entire free 3-month-session of the Chabura (worth $150). TO be included in the raffle, make sure to mention JewishMOM.com when you register. Do me a favor, do yourself a favor, don't miss this incredible chance to start living the life of your dreams. Learn more at www.NewChabura.com or see the flyer below...Chana Jenny Weisberg, JewishMOM.com CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Join the JewishMOM.com Slogan Competition

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 12:35:22 +0000
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Here's some famous website slogans… Wikipedia, the Free Encyclopedia eBay, the World's Online Market Place YouTube: Broadcast Yourself. Do you... Yahoo!? And now JewishMOM.com is eagerly on the hunt for its very own new and shiny slogan… Email me your brilliant ideas for a slogan for this blog at jenny18@zahav.net.il, and if I chose your slogan you could win a $100 gift certificate from MavenMall! Can't wait to hear from you! CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

The #1 Baby Name for 2010

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 09:03:10 +0000
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OK, Chana, this is your America 2010 Awareness Quiz: 1. Name an American movie that came out this year: Ummmm…. 2. Name a current American prime-time television show: Ummmm… 3. Name a song recorded in 2010 by an American musician: Ummmm… You get the idea. So I nearly fell off my computer chair when I read that we inadvertently gave our newborn daughter 2010's MOST POPULAR NAME FOR AMERICAN GIRLS. We named our daughter Tsofia, after my great-grandmother Tsippa. The name Tsofia's a little unusal in our corner of Israeli society, but our Israeli daughters assured us it wasn't overly unusual (my mother has always warned me "Just remember that whatever you name you give your child, he or she will have to get through first grade with that name!) And then this week I saw that Babycenter.com's most popular names for 2010 this year were: Girls 1. Sophia 2. Isabella 3. Olivia 4. Emma 5. Chloe 6. Ava Boys 1. Aiden 2. Jacob 3. Jackson 4. Ethan 5. Jayden 6. Noah I guess we're so uncool, we're cool. Or something like that. Pretty funny, huh? CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

The Big C

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 10:29:39 +0000
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My friend Hagit is a 39-year-old mother of 5 little kids. When I think of her, I think of 3 things: Hagit is Emuna (faith) Hagit is Chesed (kindness) Hagit is a walking smile that makes the world smile back. In Nachlaot, there are a lot of us moms. But for years I have thought of Hagit as the mom of all the moms. She took care of us mothers and of everyone else too. But today, Hagit is so ill from the cancer that she has been battling for the past year and a half that last month she finally moved in with her parents in Ashdod. I spoke with Hagit two weeks ago and she sounded so helpless, so distraught, so desperate, like an animal with its paw stuck in a hunter's trap. Since I last spoke with her, Hagit has stopped answering her phone. Everywhere I go people ask me how she's doing. But I don't know anymore. I just tell people that our dear friend Hagit bat Leah is not doing well, and that she is in need of a major miracle. So I haven't seen Hagit recently. But I do see Hagit's 5 young children. Hagit's daughter, Anava, plays with Moriah in kindergarten and often comes over to our house to play. When my children wake up with a nightmare, I comfort them by telling them that it was just a dream. But what am I supposed to tell this 5-year-old girl whose nightmare is her actual life? When I saw this video from the Big C about a young mother who dies from cancer, I thought about Hagit and her family. In this tremendously moving final scene, the woman's only son enters the room filled with a lifetime worth of presents and cards that she has prepared for him. This video reminded me of the blessing of being a mother, and the even greater blessing of having a mother. And it also reminded me that the biggest gift you can give your child isn't a new bicycle or a computer or even a fancy red car. The biggest gift you can possibly give your child is you. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQedgzsuGmU] CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Is Birth Control Kosher for Orthodox Jews?

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 10:58:57 +0000
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I thought this Jew in the City episode was incredibly sweet. Enjoy! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJRe0Xo0Elg]

Remembering Rabbanit Rachel Fisher zt"l

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 09:59:02 +0000
My lungs fell towards my stomach when I noticed the death notice this past Monday. "Oh nooooo....." I groaned under my breath. "What happened, Eema?" Moriah asked me. I had to wait a moment. My throat was too swollen with shock to speak. "You remember the old grandmother I used to speak with when she was hanging out her laundry? Well, she's in Heaven with Hashem now." Rabbanit Rachel Fisher was the wife of the rabbi of the Charedi sections of Nachlaot. She came from an important Yerushalmi family and was the daughter of a member of Jerusalem's High Religious Court. She was also the sister-in-law of the revered Rabbi Dayan Fisher. Rabbanit Fisher was also one of my favorite people in the world. Over the years, we had countless conversations when I was picking up my kids from nursery school and she was hanging out her wet laundry. We spoke about so many things-- her health, the weather, her multitude of grandchildren, Passover cleaning, what it was like to grow up in Nachlaot in the old days. What I loved the most about Rabbanit Fisher was how entirely down to earth she was. Pure goodness and simplicity. Her life revolved around her home and her family and her husband's Torah learning. But at the same time, while her feet were planted firmly on the ground, what most amazed me about Rabbanit Fisher was how she saw the world through purely spiritual eyes. Rabbanit Fisher had been attending a daily netz minyan (sunrise prayer service) for decades. She read Tehillim whenever she had a chance. But these facts don't begin to do justice to the spiritual greatness of Rabbanit Fisher. Since she wasn't a person who just went to shul, or just prayed three times a day. She was a person who lived with Hashem. He was a part of her daily life. He was with her when she was cooking and cleaning and on her way to the corner store to buy a loaf of bread and leben. Rabbanit Fisher saw the world, in a way, through Hashem's eyes. I will never forget you, Rabbanit Fisher. Thank you for being my friend and for everything you taught me over the years just by being you.

Pushing off Motherhood until it's Too Late

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 11:53:56 +0000
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I'm a big fan of international adoption. I even have a sister-in-law named Maia Weisberg who was adopted from China! But this week's important Washington Post article on rising rates of international adoption among Jewish families also discusses a terrifying trend- 54% of Jewish women in their early 30s are childless in comparison with 28% in general American society. It turns out that a significant percentage of Jewish women are pushing off marriage and motherhood in order to pursue career and advanced degrees, but when they finally want to have children, their bodies aren't able. Heartbreaking. Read the article and leave your reactions in the comment section below... (A huge thanks to Shoshana for sending me this article!) International adoptions change face of American Judaism CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Mommy Peptalk: My Birthday Miracle

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 19 Dec 2010 10:16:20 +0000
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3BRBJPYy2E]

Extreme Jewish Outreach- Hilarious!

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 21 Dec 2010 08:27:43 +0000
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I laughed SO hard at this video. I especially loved when he gives out the cholent on the subway. Enjoy! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EOEt0AXb5X0] CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

The Guilt-Ridden Mother

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 21 Dec 2010 10:57:23 +0000
[caption id="attachment_2251" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Photo courtesy of Flickr.com User bpp198"][/caption]CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS
"Mothers who work cannot wait until their children go to bed. Mothers who stay home cannot wait until their children wake up." I heard this quotation yesterday from an exceptionally dedicated working mother of three small children with a guilt-ridden conscience. I saw that this quotation, which my friend had heard from another mother, was whittling away at her heart slowly but surely like a stream through the rock of the Grand Canyon. I even sensed that my friend was dreaming that she would also one day be able to quit her job in order to become one of those SAHMs who eagerly sits by her child's bedside, just waiting for that glorious moment when her child will open his eyes and whisper, "Eema, did you finally remember to wash my blue sweater?" I don't tend to vigorously disagree during conversations. I nod. I say consensus building woman-y things like "You're right!" and "I totally hear what you mean!" But when my friend mentioned this quotation, I pounced on her like a cat on a lizard (I live in Jerusalem, and that’s what cats pounce on here:)). I assured her, far too emphatically, that I have been a SAHM for the past 12 years, and I personally cannot wait for my children to go to bed so that I can have a few hours of quiet and solitude in order to wash some dishes and answer some waiting Emails and listen to a class and generally nurse my frazzled soul from the hectic, non-stop day that just transpired. And, far too few hours later, if I wake up and discover that my children are not yet awake (I cannot remember the last time this actually happened, but let's just say for argument's sake) then I would be beyond thrilled to have some minutes of quiet and solitude to get done whatever I wanted without a 5-year-old tugging on my nightgown or a wired 3-year-old calling out "Look, Eema!" as he somersaulted onto my sleeping baby. This untrue, guilt-inducing quote about the supposed differences between working mothers and SAHMs reminded me of two things. It reminded me of Emerson's quotation: "There was never a child so lovely that his mother wasn't glad to get him to sleep." And it reminded me of just how frequently we good moms convince ourselves that we are bad moms. And that, in my opinion, is a problem. A big problem. CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Winton's Children

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 21 Dec 2010 11:00:55 +0000
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In 1938, British citizen Nicholas Winton enabled 669 Jewish children to flee Czechoslovakia and thereby avoid certain death upon the Nazi annexation. Amazingly, Winton managed to keep his heroic act a secret from his friends and family for fifty years! While on a ski trip in Switzerland in 1938, Winton traveled to Czechoslovakia in order to carry out a rescue operation for refugee Jewish children. He arranged for those children to travel to Sweden and England, and raised money to fund foster homes for all of them. Some of "Winton's Children" appeared on the BBC television program, That's Life, to meet Winton for the first time since 1938. Winton is now 101 years old and has received Knighthood from the Queen of England for his awe-inspiring heroism. I think this video of the reunification of Winton with the Jews he saved is one of the most moving things I have ever seen. What a powerful reminder of the tremendous potential legacy of self-sacrifice and good deeds. Thanks to Debbie Shapiro (debbieshapiroofjerusalem.blogspot.com) for forwarding me this incredible story and video from Aish.com [vodpod id=Video.5166734&w=425&h=350&fv=%26amp%3Bbackcolor%3D0xe5e9f2%26amp%3Bfile%3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fvideocloud.aish.com%2Fmovies%2Fwinston_9506197.mp4%26amp%3Bicons%3Dfalse%26amp%3Bimage%3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fmedia.aish.com%2Fdesignimages%2FMoviePreview-generic-500x376.jpg%26amp%3Bscreencolor%3D0x000000]
Winton's Children, posted with vodpod
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My Grandmother's Lost Poems

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 21 Dec 2010 20:47:57 +0000
[caption id="attachment_2246" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Covs97"][/caption] My parents just gave me a book I never knew existed. It is a collection of poetry called November Journey self-published by my grandmother, Florence Freedman z"l, upon her retirement from her position as Professor of Education at Hunter College in 1973. My grandmother, the only grandparent I knew*, passed away when I was 22 and still straddling the blurry border between being a big girl and a young woman. What a precious gift to be able to open her book and have a chance to become reacquainted with my beloved grandmother, no longer as a woman 60 years my senior, but rather as a fellow Jewish woman and mother. Here are two of my favorite poems from November Journey. Enjoy!
The following poem is about idealistic sons who wandered far from home in order to accomplish great things. I find this poem especially moving since it reminds me of all of us who have made aliya, and the worried parents we left behind.

Sons by Florence Freedman

We know what the mothers were saying:
"Your father and I are poor, Elijah, But there's no need for you to starve on Mt. Carmel... What if the vision was false?" "Won't you be lonely at Walden Pond? You can write in the study, Henry- I'll keep the house quiet." "Have you forgotten the sea serpent, Chris, Coiled at the edge of the world? One route to India is enough for all sensible people." "You don't have to go to Lamberene to find suffering. There's plenty of that here at home. And what of your music, Albert?" "You'll catch some dreadful disease from the wounded, Walt. Stay home and work at your father's trade. There's bound to be a building boom in Brooklyn." And the parents of the nameless darers and dreamers They too said to their sons "Why you? Why now? Why there?" But they said "Godspeed" as their sons strode away, And they prayed, "Let me be proved wrong!" "God, turn my fear into faith."
Identity by Florence Freedman
I'm somebody. Who, me? Deep inside lies identity. Like a pearl in a shell, Like a seed in a pod, Hides the part of me That is part of God. Will He loose the pearl? Let the seed blow free? Let me see the light? Let light see me? *My mother's parents were tragically killed in a car crash before I was born. My father's father died when I was only three.

The Jewish Mom's Christmas Tree

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 21 Dec 2010 22:22:36 +0000
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[caption id="attachment_2249" align="alignleft" width="201" caption="Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Hodgers"][/caption] My favorite blog, Motherlode, posted a tragic article this week. All about a Jewish mother and why she really wants to get a Christmas tree. The weirdest part is that this is supposed to be funny. Read it and weep, Jewish mom. CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Please pray for Chaim Tzuriel ben Naomi

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 09:35:36 +0000
Please pray for Chaim Tzuriel ben Naomi. Chaim Tzuriel is a 23-year-old father of two children who was badly burned and critically injured during a freak building accident in Israel. Chaim Tzuriel is the brother of Morah Achinoam Sheintop, my daughter Hallel's extraordinary 5th grade teacher. Morah Achinoam and Chaim Tzuriel are children of Rabbi Shachor, the rabbi of the settlement Maaleh HaLevona. They are a family on fire with love of Torah, love of the Land of Israel, and love of the entire Jewish people. May Hashem bless him as well as Jewish moms Hagit bat Leah and Batya Shira bat Chasida with a speedy, complete and miraculous recovery! Please read this psalm for their recovery:

Vote for the new JewishMOM.com Slogan!

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 10:10:24 +0000
Thank you SO MUCH to all of the moms who sent in suggestions for the new JewishMOM.com slogan. It was very hard to choose the semifinalists among the over 60 excellent suggestions I received. And now it's your turn! Vote for the new JewishMOM.com slogan and the winner will receive a $100 gift certificate from Maven Mall, the new online mall for Jewish women and children. [polldaddy poll=4285211] This contest is sponsored by

This Week's Mommy Peptalk: Rivka bat Yael- The Seudat Hodayah

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 26 Dec 2010 12:49:59 +0000
The miraculous story of Rivki Razel's ongoing recovery. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWs_1pl0bm4]

I wanna be like High Five Rob!

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 27 Dec 2010 09:56:25 +0000
This video really made me smile! It reminded me how much I want to be like this guy giving high fives and saying "Have a great day!" and making everybody feel so great and good about themselves. I want to be able to be a high-five Rob for my kids and my down-and-out neighbors and for you moms. Enjoy! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Abt8aAB-Dr0]

The Christmas Tree by Jonathan Rosenblum

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 27 Dec 2010 10:21:42 +0000
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I think this is SUCH a beautiful story from Aish.com. Enjoy! Rabbi Berel Wein was once invited to a meeting with the editor of the Detroit Free Press. After introductions had been made, the editor told him the following story. His mother, Mary, had immigrated to America from Ireland as an uneducated, 18-year-old peasant girl. She was hired as a domestic maid by an observant family. The head of the house was the president of the neighboring Orthodox shul. Mary knew nothing about Judaism and had probably never met a Jew before arriving in America. The family went on vacation Mary's first December in America, leaving Mary alone in the house. They were scheduled to return on the night of December 24, and Mary realized that there would be no Christmas tree to greet them when they did. This bothered her greatly, and using the money the family had left her, she went out and purchased not only a Christmas tree but all kinds of festive decorations to hang on the front of the house. When the family returned from vacation, they saw the Christmas tree through the living room window and the rest of the house festooned with holiday lights. They assumed that they had somehow pulled into the wrong driveway and drove around the block. But alas, it was their address. The head of the family entered the house contemplating how to explain the Christmas tree and lights to the members of the shul, most of whom walked right past his house on their way to shul. Meanwhile, Mary was eagerly anticipating the family's excitement when they realized that they would not be without a Christmas tree. After entering the house, the head of the family called Mary into his study. He told her, "In my whole life no one has ever done such a beautiful thing for me as you did." Then he took out a $100 bill -- a very large sum in the middle of the Depression -- and gave it to her. Only after that did he explain that Jews do not have Christmas trees. When he had finished telling the story, the editor told Rabbi Wein, "And that is why, there has never been an editorial critical of Israel in the Detroit Free Press since I became editor, and never will be as long as I am the editor." The shul president's reaction to Mary's mistake -- sympathy instead of anger -- was not because he dreamed that one day her son would the editor of a major metropolitan paper, and thus in a position to aid Israel. (Israel was not yet born.) He acted as he did because it was the right thing to do. That's what it means to be a Kiddush Hashem, to sanctify God's Name. It is a goal to which we can all strive. CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

The Big Piece of Chocolate by Dr. David Fox

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 27 Dec 2010 10:32:14 +0000
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I just finished reading Comfort, Healing, and Joy by Dr. David Fox and enjoyed it immensely. Each chapter describes another simple tool we can use to infuse our lives with more happiness. Here's a selection from one of my favorite chapters... Do you like candy? Perhaps you enjoy chocolate, or maybe you prefer some other kind of special treat. It doesn’t really matter what your choice is, just pick something you love to eat. Now suppose I am your best friend and just happen to have some of this delectable creation in my hand, and I break it in two for us – you and me – to share. Oops! One piece is bigger than the other. Now I’ve got both pieces in my outstretched hand, waiting for you to take one of them. Which one will you choose – the Little Piece or the Big Piece? Each and every day you make the fundamental decision, sometimes dozens of times in a single day: Do you take the Little Piece or the Big Piece? Which one do you really want? Allow me to explain. The Little Piece signifies all those things in life that your conscience tells you that you should do. It symbolizes responsibilities. And believe me, if your life is anything like mine, you’ve got plenty of them! You go to work, take out the trash, care for others who rely on you, visit a sick friend, attend a funeral – the list goes on and on. On the other side of my hand is the Big Piece. It represents those things that you really want to have, be, and do. It embodies freedom. This is where you have the most fun, indulge, relax, blow off steam, and otherwise enjoy yourself. When you go for a leisurely walk, take in a movie, get a bite to eat with friends...or generally unwind after a long day, you are taking the Big Piece. The list of possibilities is limitless, and fortunately most of our decisions about which piece to choose – the Big Piece or the Little Piece – do not, individually, entail major risk to our well-being. Do you sleep late or get up early to exercise? Do you order the fresh fruit or the French fries? Do you take the last serving of ice cream or leave it for someone else? Going back to my original question, which piece would you take? I suspect if you’re like most people and a friend gave you this choice, you’d probably pick the Little Piece, right? Many factors could play into your decision, both obvious and not-so-obvious ones, and chances are you won’t spend too much time analyzing such a trivial choice. Maybe you’ll take the Little Piece because you don’t want your friend to think you’re selfish, or perhaps taking the Big Piece would cause you to feel guilty. It could be that it just makes you feel good to give up the Big Piece, since doing so exemplifies restraint, or simply because you’re on a diet! On the contrary, just maybe you’ll take the Big Piece because you took the Little Piece the last several times you had to choose with this friend, and you now feel that it’s “my turn to get what I want.” Or your friend is on a diet, and you want to do them a favor by sparing them the extra calories contained in the Big Piece. Whichever decision you make at any given time doesn’t necessarily matter much in the grand scheme of your life. The point is that these decisions represent your values, and in choosing your values you have some important say over how you feel in the long run. If you recognize that you are taking the Little Piece, you can either feel good about it or you can feel frustrated instead because you really wanted the Big Piece. People get into trouble when they don’t have balance in their lives between the choosing of the Little Piece or the Big Piece. If you nearly always seem to take the Little Piece, your life will be filled with work and sacrifice and you may feel like a martyr. Your life is all work and no play. Have you had any fun, that is, have you taken the Big Piece lately? If, however, like a child, you nearly always take the Big Piece, and your life is all about, “Me, me, me”– how are you likely to feel? Guilty! And feeling guilty about excessively taking the Big Piece doesn’t exactly lend itself to enjoyment. The trick is to have balance. Don’t strive for fifty-fifty division between the two choices in order to achieve perfect alternation between them, but rather strive for some irregular mixture that over time allows you to fulfill your responsibilities and gives you permission to have fun! When you have the right mix for you, you will optimize your ability to pat yourself on the back for choosing the Little Piece and feeling entitled to indulge in taking the Big Piece. A healthy dose of both choices is vital for emotional and spiritual well-being. The decision between the Little Piece and Big Piece does not necessarily have to be an either/or decision; in special situations it can be both. True magic occurs when the Little and Big Pieces converge; when we find joy in our work, when we feel wonderful about our sacrifices for others, and especially when we can’t distinguish between the two choices because they are one and the same. These precious times when we find no distinction between the two pieces constitute a sacred gift to cherish as long as it lasts... When the choice isn’t clear and much is at stake, what should you do? The best action to take is to wait. Hope-filled waiting combined with a readiness to receive an answer sends an invitation to a brilliant part of you deep down that knows instinctively what to do. Wait for your inner wisdom, your intuition, to guide you in the right direction. Be prepared to receive this message by opening yourself up to listening for the gentle whisper of the wise inner voice that signals the right course of action, a voice that speaks to you when you least expect it, day or night... See your choices with clear eyes and make your choices with a clear conscience. CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Mazal tov to Efrat and Aaron Razel!

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 27 Dec 2010 10:47:54 +0000
A huge mazal tov to my friend and favorite musician in the whole world, Efrat Razel, and her husband Aaron on the birth of their son, Eliya Mordechai! May you merit to raise your newest little boy and all of your children to Torah, Chuppah, and Good Deeds! Click here to hear Efrat's spectacular and soulful music Click here to listen to some more spectacular and soulful music by Aaron Razel

The Israel Shark Conspiracy:) Very Funny!

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 27 Dec 2010 11:51:42 +0000
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Egypt thinks its spate of shark attacks are a Mossad plot. Steven Colbert thinks they just might be right. I saw this on Aish.com and thought it was very, very funny. Enjoy! [vodpod id=Video.5201685&w=425&h=350&fv=id%3DflashContent%26amp%3Bfile%3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fvideocloud.aish.com%2Fmovies%2FcolbertDec2010.mp4%26amp%3Bautostart%3Dfalse%26amp%3Ballowfullscreen%3D]
The Israel Shark Conspiracy, posted with vodpod
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Aggression: Life with ADHD by Robyn Cuspin

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 27 Dec 2010 12:10:39 +0000
[caption id="attachment_2305" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Courtesy of Flickr.com user mdanys"][/caption]This article's author writes: "The first time I gave my son medication, I felt like I was poisoning him." I think this article is of supreme importance and should be read by every single Jewish mom! About ADHD and how medication can help... I am putting my five year old son to bed, when suddenly his hand reaches out and grabs my throat. Immediately, he transforms his action into a caress; it is as though his hand had acted on its own, and his mind only caught up with it a moment later. The threat lingers in the air as I turn out his light and leave the room. I watch him. I see his little acts of violence. I see them often directed at me – always unprovoked, and always unexpected. I find graffiti under the table. His destruction is subtle, and hidden. It is very hard to catch him in the act. The cover of a new book is scratched now. It is a small thing, but when was this done, and why? I don’t ask who did this. I am lying in bed when he comes in and throws a die at me. The die cracks against the wall over me with a sound that is sharp and menacing. I squeeze my eyes closed. When I open them, he is still smiling. Read more of this article

Do you Want to Have Another Child?

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 27 Dec 2010 12:40:49 +0000
[caption id="attachment_2302" align="alignleft" width="274" caption="Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Pink Sherbet Photography"][/caption] CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS
I just subscribed to a great blog I have really been enjoying called Ima2Seven.com. In her most recent post Ima2Seven discusses "The Conversation"-- women talking about whether or not to have another child. Very interesting! Thanks to Chaya of Nachlaot for telling me about this blog! Read "Another Baby?" CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

A Very Special Child

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 09:21:03 +0000
This inspiring video is about Mendel from Camp Simcha, a camp for Jewish children with cancer and other life-threatening illnesses. Mendel is famous for asking every man he meets a certain question...This brought tears to my eyes. Enjoy, Jewish Mom!
A Very Special Child - Watch more Videos at Vodpod.

Hating my Name

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 10:48:54 +0000
[caption id="attachment_2299" align="alignleft" width="199" caption="Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Pink Sherbet Photography"][/caption]CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS
Chana Jenny. That's my name. And I've always hated it. To clarify, I have nothing against the name Chana or Jenny on their own. I love the name Chana. That's the Hebrew name my parents gave me. I like that I'm named after my grandmother, who died before I was born. I like that my name means grace and kindness, two traits I'd like to have some more of. I like that my pen-name is Chana, since I write about moms and Judaism and holiness, which I feel are so embodied in the name Chana. And I like the name Jenny, too. Jenny is the name that people I know have always called me, even today. I feel like it's a cute name, a light name, a sunshine-y name. I feel like Chana is my true spiritual essence, but that for day-to-day dealings with neighbors, plumbers, telemarketers, I'd prefer that my true Chana essence remains hidden behind the fluorescent yellow, smiley-face mask of Jenny. Using the name Jenny, for me, feels akin to wearing clothing to cover my bare skin. So, if I don't like the combination "Chana Jenny," why for G-d's sake did I combine them in the first place? I combined them because, as you might be aware, there are two of us writers named Chana Weisberg. The other Chana Weisberg is a Lubavitch rebbetzin from Toronto and a popular writer and editor on Chabad.org (and yes, we've met. She is the best! I am so totally proud to be a member of the hyper-exclusive "Writers named Chana Weisberg Club"!) So a few years ago, I decided that in order to reduce, at least somewhat, the considerable confusion between the 2 Chana Weisbergs, I would change my writing name to Chana Jenny. It was a hard decision to make, and I've never felt comfortable with it. It feels so weird, so awkward. Faigy Sue. Leah Leslie. Odelya Margit. Chana Jenny. Yuck! But the other day I was walking home, and I had a funny, meteoric-sudden revelation about the name Chana Jenny. I realized that I love it. Because the dissonance between Chana and Jenny, I realized, is who I really am. Chana…Jenny I am religious…but for the first twenty years of my life I was far from it We are religious…but our families are not My kids attend an Orthodox school…and I attended a Quaker one I am an Israeli…and an American I celebrate a "Mazal Tov" birthday...and a "Congratulations" birthday too My kids speak Hebrew…and I answer them in English My two favorite magazines are Binah…and the New Yorker My two favorite hangouts in Jerusalem are the Central Belzer Shul…and the avidly secular Israel Museum* My two favorite websites are Aish.com…and the New York Times "Motherlode" blog My two favorite musicians are Efrat Razel…and Vivaldi My two favorite cities are Jerusalem...and New York My two favorite foods are felafel...and Pringles potato chips Weird, right? Weird, and nice too. Because today when I see the name Chana Jenny Weisberg, it no longer makes me cringe and grit my teeth. Today, when I see the name Chana Jenny Weisberg, it just makes me smile real big. Because that's me. CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS
*I love the Israel Museum especially since the new spectacular renovations. But I am careful about the exhibits I enter there. Some of the Modern Art exhibits, for example, are absolutely nihilistic and gross. I love the Archeology, Judaica, and South American, and African exhibits, for example.

And the Winning JewishMOM.com Slogan is...

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 10:16:06 +0000
[caption id="attachment_2313" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Timothy K. Hamilton"][/caption]Thank you SO MUCH to all of you moms who took the time to vote this week for your favorite new slogan for JewishMOM.com! I had a really fun time watching the votes coming in day after day. The funny thing was that every day this week I was sure a different slogan was going to win, only to be replaced the next day by a different slogan in the #1 spot. And in the end, I woke up this morning to find that a slogan from the middle of the pack had made a suprise last-minute dash for the finish line, leaving the rest of the JewishMOM.com slogans in the dust. Mazal tov to Rena Lewis of Israel for submitting the #1 slogan, and for receiving the $100 gift certificate from Maven Mall! And the winning slogan is.... INSPIRATION FROM ONE JEWISH MOTHER TO ANOTHER Thanks again to all of you moms who helped choose this new slogan which I feel expresses so well what this blog is all about. Encouraging, personal, inspirational. I already totally love it! THANK YOU, Jewish MOMS!

The Blizzard Wedding

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 11:08:37 +0000
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A smile for all of you Jewish moms stuck in the big blizzard- a Chassidic bride and groom, streimel and all! Leave us a comment to share how deep the snow is where you live and how you're doing! CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

This Week's Mommy Peptalk: The Martyr Mom

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 02 Jan 2011 11:15:33 +0000
About a tough week, and what I'm doing to stop feeling like a martyr. 11 Minutes. CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWfiKpPwt28] CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Inoculations by Charlie Harrari

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 02 Jan 2011 19:04:30 +0000
This is an EXTREMELY powerful video from Aish.com. I could identify with it so strongly-- firstly as a mom to whom my kids come for a comforting everythings-all-right hug and kiss following the punishment I GAVE THEM. And also as a person who is watching her friend, Hagit bat Leah, a 39-year-old mother of 5, suffer and suffer from a terminal illness. I think this is an unforgettable answer to the ultimate question-- why do good people suffer?
inoculations by Charlie Harrari - Watch more Videos at Vodpod.

When I was 10 Years Old...

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 03 Jan 2011 10:16:58 +0000
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Do you know how I decide whether to post something on this blog or not? My rule of thumb is this: if an article or video brings tears to my eyes, I post it. Because if it makes me cry, that means that it's something real and touches and expresses a real and deep place within my gut and heart. And "What comes from the heart, enters the heart." So why am I posting this surreal, polyester-clad clip from the 1981 season of the game show "The Price is Right" with Bob Barker? Because 1981 was the year I was 10 years old. And watching this video reminded me of my 10-year-old daughter Hallel studying for a test last night on the book of Vayikra (Leviticus). It reminded me that Hallel's 10-year-old head is brimming over with the sacrifices we brought in the Holy Temple, and the clothing the High Priest wore in the Holy Temple, and her burning questions over when she will see the Holy Temple finally rebuilt. Hallel's 10-year-old head is full of Torah, and Mizvot, and Hashem. And my 10-year-old head was full of this. That's why it makes me cry. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwvdwzdHRys] CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

My Favorite Birthday Present

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 03 Jan 2011 12:23:20 +0000
[caption id="attachment_2337" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Courtesy of Flickr.com user The Felt Store"][/caption]Happy birthdays to me, happy birthdays to me! --December 29th was my Congratulations birthday --The 11th of Tevet (three weeks ago) was my Mazal Tov birthday --The 8th of Shvat (next week) is my Mommy Birthday, which I share with my oldest daughter (I mean the day I became a mom 13 years ago) And this year my kids gave me the greatest present ever! They got me a mouse pad with a picture of all the kids. So even when I'm working at the computer, I can have them with me (but not SO with me that I can't get any work done;) So now you know what to ask for for your next birthday:)

With an Adopted Ethiopian Daughter in the Kitchen

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 04 Jan 2011 10:52:31 +0000
[caption id="attachment_2362" align="alignleft" width="207" caption="Image courtesy of Flickr.com user Hiro 008"][/caption]CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS
9 years ago, I took a parenting class with Rabbanit Talia Helfer. I loved that class. It totally made me into the mom I am today. But what I loved most about Rabbanit Talia's classes was how she told us so many unforgettable stories about parenting her own children. And the story that filled me with the most longing, I think, was when she told us about the atmosphere in her kitchen before major holidays. The music playing, the laughter, the air thick with camaraderie and excitement over the fun mother-daughter togetherness and the approaching holiday. This article by JewishMOM Ilie Ruby about working in the kitchen with her adopted Ethiopian daughter reminded me of Rabbanit Talia's pre-holiday kitchen. Ilie Ruby writes, "I wonder if feelings of home...are created through work that is done to take care of a family, shared by a mother with her daughter, together, again and again, side by side." So perceptive, so beautiful. I get so stressed with my kids in the kitchen, I need total solitude and uninterrupted silence to cook. But I don't want it to be that way anymore. Reading this article, I know I also want to share positive cooking-together experiences with my own children in my own kitchen! Please, Hashem! The Scents and Tastes of Home by Ilie Ruby CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

My Learning Partner, Sara Deb

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 04 Jan 2011 11:09:48 +0000
CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS
I met my learning partner, Sara Debbie Gutfreund, at a writing conference for religious women 3 years ago. After the conference, while rummaging through her purse in search of her cellphone, for some reason Sara mentioned to me that she wanted to learn the book Garden of Emuna. I did too. "Why don't we learn it together?" Sara suggested without even looking up from her cellphone search. The truth is that I did NOT want to learn anything with this woman I didn't know-- for a zillion reasons. As usual, I didn't have ANY time. I had a three-month-old baby, and I was already frequently dropping balls in my personal Jewish mom juggling act. Maybe it would be a whole messy, awkward, unpleasant waste of time followed by a messy, awkward, unpleasant "break up." But I did really want to read the Garden of Emuna again. And who knew? Maybe Hashem had planned for me to have this random conversation with this random woman for some special, Divinely-planned reason? So I answered: "Great! Email me!" sort of hoping that she would Email and sort of hoping she wouldn't. But that random woman didn't forget. And three years and over 25 books learned together later, I thank God she did not. Sara and I almost never see each other, since she lives in Beit Shemesh. But every weekday Sara and I read a few pages of a Jewish book on our own, and then Email each other with our thoughts on what we read. Six pages, and then six pages more, and then six pages more until we can congratulate ourselves on another book under our collective belts. I do my chavruta reading at the very end of my day, when what I want more than anything is to collapse into my bed and fall instantly asleep. But I know that Sara is waiting for my Email, so I read those six pages, type up my thoughts, and tack on a few words about how life is going. But the truth is that Sara is not the only one waiting for me to prop my eyes open and read and reflect. My soul is waiting as well-- for some words of Torah to provide a little spiritual nourishment for this JewishMOM after a long day of wiping noses and washing dishes and testing kids on vocab words and biting my tongue when the banana smoothie flows yet again across the table like the Mississippi flooding its banks. So many amazing changes and new developments in my life have come about because of the exhausted, droopy-eyed half an hour that I spend on my daily chavruta correspondence. It was during that falling-on-the-floor half an hour that I dreamed up the idea of doing video peptalks, of creating the JewishMOM videos series, of writing inspirational articles for you Jewish moms in the first place. Sara and I have supported each other through not-so-easy times: pre-pregnancy, pregnancy and post-partum challenges (we gave birth a month apart this past summer). When both of us were recently struggling with writers block, we tacked on a few daily pages of Finding Water (HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!) by Julie Cameron in order to get our creative juices flowing again. When I have to make a tough decision, the first thing I do is call my husband, and then shoot off an Email to Sara marked with a red exclamation point and the word "Advice" in the subject line. For me, Sara has lived up to her name. Sara Debbie Gutfreund. My learning partner, Sara Debbie. My Good Friend. Click here to read the article that Sara published this week on TheJewishWoman.com. I LOVED it, so exquisite, so powerful. So Sara Deb. Just One Prayer by Sara Debbie Gutfreund CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Follow me on Twitter

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 08:49:11 +0000
You wish you didn't have to wait until Wednesday to hear about my newest blog postings and the hottest (or at least lukewarm-est) gossip from the Weisberg family? From now on you can follow me on Twitter...

Can You Give Yourself Some Approval? by Dr. David Fox

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 11:04:35 +0000
The following is an excerpt from the wonderful new book Comfort, Healing and Joy by Dr. David Fox. I have been using the technique he describes here, replacing my "buts" with "ands," and have been finding it very helpful! Hope this helps you too... Perhaps the biggest impediment to patting one’s self on the back is due to that rather nasty word “but.” This word is so short and innocent-looking. Who would think it has the power to tear people down in so many different ways? When you’re not feeling good about yourself, look around hard for the word “but” in your self-talk, such as: “I worked so hard, but I only placed second.” “I am nice to people, but they sometimes still don’t like me.” “I’m doing better and better, but I’ve got a long way to go.” “I was able to stay strong for a while, but then my heart melted.” The word “but” erases everything that has come before it, leaving you to focus exclusively on the negative aspects of a situation. Your inner critic only hears, “I only got second place; “ “They simply don’t like me;” and “I’ve got a long way to go.” Whatever you did was just not good enough. It’s no wonder people don’t give themselves enough credit with destructive words like that lurking around in their head! How can you diffuse “but?” It’s fairly easy if you know the antidote. The cure to stop using the word “but” is to replace it with the word “and.” You might think that the difference between using “but” and “and” is so insignificant that they convey the same meaning. Think again. Unlike the situation with “but,” when you switch to “and” you can keep both halves of the sentence rather than suffer the consequences of rendering the entire positive half meaningless. “I worked so hard and I only got second place.” “I am nice to people and they still sometimes don’t like me.” “I’m doing better and better and I’ve got a long way to go.” The worst case scenario is that by keeping both parts, you see both the positive and the negative aspects of it, which leaves you with a neutral feeling rather than a negative one as is the case when using “but.” The ultimate goal of this easy switch, however, is not to walk away feeling neutral. Even better than neutral, “and” opens the door to the possibility of dropping the negative half of the expression from our attention altogether. Unlike “but,” which seems to compel us to ignore the positive half, “and” does just the opposite by giving us permission to ignore the negative half, in essence eliminating it. “I work so hard.” “I am nice to people.” “I’m doing better and better.” As soon as you find yourself negating a worthy effort you have made or a good deed you have done, see if you can find a “but” lurking around somewhere, and when you do, immediately replace it with “and.” Once you can focus squarely on your positive efforts, it’s only a matter of pointing them out to yourself. When you’re not burdened by “but,” it’s rather straightforward to say, “I did a nice job with this project.” Making positive statements to yourself might at first generate about as much excitement within you as tickling yourself. Fortunately, the more you practice giving yourself gentle pats on the back, the more this conscious habit becomes an unconscious, automatic one. Over time as you get used to this practice, hopefully you will find that some very pleasant feelings about yourself start to percolate on their own and rise up into your awareness without much, if any, effort on your part. What kinds of positive thoughts can you think about yourself? Try these on for size: “How nice that I went the extra mile for a friend today.” “Look how I put my best foot forward, even when I didn’t feel like it.” “I was extra patient with people today and really listened more intently than I usually do.” The number of opportunities to pat yourself on the back is endless.

Mommy Peptalks

Wed, 05 Jan 2011 11:28:47 +0000
[tubepress mode="playlist" playlistValue="0CDD72511600F45B"]

Inspiration

Wed, 05 Jan 2011 11:29:31 +0000
This leads to posts about inspiration.

11 Step Program to prepare for Motherhood- very funny:)

JewishMOM.com — Sat, 08 Jan 2011 21:33:38 +0000
Thinking of Having Kids? Do this 11 step program first! I thought this list by Brenna Gray Foster was really funny! Thanks to my old and dear buddy Sari of Pittsburgh for sending it my way. Enjoy! Reprinted with permission from http://wickedkate.com/ Lesson 1 1. Go to the grocery store. 2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office. 3. Go home. 4. Pick up the paper. 5. Read it for the last time. Lesson 2 Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their... 1. Methods of discipline. 2. Lack of patience. 3. Appallingly low tolerance levels. 4. Allowing their children to run wild. 5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior. Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers. Lesson 3 A really good way to discover how the nights might feel... 1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner). 2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep. 3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM. 4. Set the alarm for 3AM. 5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial. 6. Go to bed at 2:45AM. 7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off. 8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM. 9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive) Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together. Lesson 4 Can you stand the mess children make? To find out... 1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains. 2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer. 3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed. 4. Then rub them on the clean walls. 5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it. 6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look? Lesson 5 Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems. 1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh. 2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out. Time allowed for this - all morning Lesson 6 Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that. 1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. 2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player. 3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot. 4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. Lesson 7 Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children. Lesson 8 1. Hollow out a melon. 2. Make a small hole in the side. 3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side. 4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane. 5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone 6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air. You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby. Lesson 9 Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point. Lesson 10 Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler. Lesson 11 Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room. This is all very tongue in cheek; anyone who is parent will say 'it's all worth it!' Share it with your friends, both those who do and don't have kids. I guarantee they'll get a chuckle out of it. Remember, a sense of humor is one of the most important things you'll need when you become a parent! CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Gabrielle Giffords' Inspiring Words on Jewish Women

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 11:04:41 +0000
I just want to express my horror at the inhuman shooting of Gabrielle Giffords, the Arizona congresswoman shot who was critically injured by a gunman this week. Even though only Gifford's father is Jewish, she identifies as a Jew, is extremely proud of her Jewish heritage, and is a loyal friend of Israel. She told voters this year before she was elected to Congress: “If you want something done, your best bet is to ask a Jewish woman to do it. Jewish women — by our tradition and by the way we were raised — have an ability to cut through all the reasons why something should, shouldn’t or can’t be done and pull people together to be successful.” Giffords' grandfather was the son of a Lithuanian rabbi. Giffords said in an interview with Jewish Woman magazine “I was raised not to really talk about my religious beliefs. Going to Israel was an experience that made me realize there were lots of people out there who shared my beliefs and values and spoke about them openly.” Giffords is a member of Congregation Chaverim in Tucson. She serves on the United States Holocaust Memorial Council. The gunman has said that his favorite book is Mein Kampf, indicating that his motivations for the shooting were at least partially based on anti-Semitism. May we hear good news from Gabrielle Giffords, a mother of two children and a dear and devoted friend of the Jewish people who is desperately in need of our prayers. Read more about Gabrielle Gifford's Jewish connection at Aish.com

This Week's Mommy Peptalk: The Martyr Mom- Part II

JewishMOM.com — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 13:05:34 +0000
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yniifUFMVhg[/youtube]

I am Woman, Hear me Roar!

JewishMOM.com — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 11:17:53 +0000
My grandmother, Chana, was a 1950s housewife. Her daughter, my mother, decided to follow a very different path. When my mom attended medical school in the 1960s, there were 10 male students for every female. My mom's classmates taunted her and made crude jokes when she entered the classroom. But my mom was determined. She became a doctor in an era when that was beyond unusual- it was revolutionary. "I am woman hear me roar!" my mom thought as she walked the hospital wards in her white doctor's coat and a hard-earned doctor's badge. When I became a mom myself 13 years ago this week, and I adopted a lifestyle more similar to my housewife grandmother's than to my liberated mother's, the truth is that, at the beginning, I felt like a miserable, lousy loser. While my college classmates girded their loins to crash through glass ceilings in law, medicine, academia, I was spending my days reading Goodnight Moon and scraping stubborn melted cheese off plates and struggling and failing to learn how to wash my floors Israeli-style. I was living a 1950s life but seeing myself through 1990s eyes. It wasn't so fun. But then something interesting happened. Something wonderful, actually. As my family grew, the outside world's mocking and beckoning moved farther into the distance, from an insistent, badgering lecture to a whisper. And I began to feel more and more like in my new Jewish homebound life I had tracked down what I had been seeking my whole life. I had finally discovered that puzzle piece to fill the aching void that at the age of 19 had gnawed at me as I haunted the stacks of my college library and traveled to distant lands and went on long walks through the snowy Maine woods with tears freezing on my face as I contemplated the fear that if I died that moment, what difference would it really make anyway? I looked around myself at the age of 30 and saw the family I love, the home I love, the country I love. I loved writing. I loved learning. I loved growing as a person and a Jew. I loved feeling Hashem's presence within the confines of my four walls. What could be better? The funny thing is that for years, I thought that my decision to turn inward and homeward was a rejection of American values of career, status, money. I thought I was going against the flow. So it was a wonderful shock to look at the New York Times yesterday and realize that my call for fulfillment through motherhood does not mean that I am some lone Times-Square-style proselytizing weirdo. In fact, it turns out, a whole generation of American women have taken a parallel journey to mine. And SAHMs and working moms alike have chosen to turn inward and homeward, just like me. As Lisa Belkin, editor of the New York Times' Motherlode blog (my absolute favorite blog), explained this week: The women who faced down middle age in the 1970s responded by running away from home. “They got jobs, got their consciousness raised or got divorced”… Their daughters, reaching their own midlife milestones right about now, are responding by running back home…not necessarily quitting their jobs (most can’t) but finding peace and value in things domestic. Turning inward, not outward. Taking up yoga, reading books about happiness, defining one’s place in the world in terms of home and family. I am woman hear me roar! Read Judith Warner's excellent article Fear (Again) of Flying on turning inward and homeward here. CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

The 7th Annual Kav L’Noar Conference: Promoting Healthy Family Relationships

JewishMOM.com — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 11:08:35 +0000
Kav L’Noar provides English-speaking families living in Israel with children ages 11-18 the support services needed to address their behavioral and emotional issues. The organization's mission is to help families build the strongest and most resilient relationships possible by offering parents and their children a place where they can comfortably share and address their concerns. 7th Annual Kav L’Noar Conference Promoting Healthy Family Relationships Monday, January 17, 2011 Ramada Hotel, Ruppin & Herzl Blvd., Jerusalem 6:30 PM, Doors Open & Registration/Refreshments **7:30 PM – Program will begin promptly! 25 NIS/person, 40NIS/couple pre-registered, 30NIS/person, 50NIS/couple at the door Click here to Register online For more information call: Lisa 050-410-3215 EMPOWERING SOLUTIONS FOR TODAY’S PARENTS AWARENESS*** *EDUCATION ****PREVENTION Speakers include: Rabbi Zev Leff, Rav, Moshav Matityahu; Rosh Yeshiva, Yeshiva Gedolah Matityahu Rabbi Zechariya Greenwald, Dean, Me-ohr Bais Yaakov Teacher’s Seminary Dr. David Pelcovitz, Professor of Education & Psychology, Yeshiva University -Acknowledging that challenges are found across the religious spectrum -Identifying warning signs of at-risk behaviors -Combating negative influences through vigilant parenting -Fostering resilience and enhancing self-esteem -Accessing respected community resources for support -Working together as a community to create positive change Pomeranz Booksellers will offer a selection of books related to conference program Questions can be submitted by email Kavlnoarcenter@gmail.com or can be filled out on cards (anonymously) on the evening itself for the speakers to answer Tickets can also be purchased from community representatives email kavlnoarcenter@gmail.com for information about your community representatives. or directly from Kav L’Noar- Keren Hayesod # 25 Jerusalem Transportation will be arranged for those that live outside Jerusalem at an additional charge Partially funded by Misrad Hachinuch- Machleket Tarbut Toranit

Dear Rabbi Lazer: I Prayed and my Friend Died Anyway

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 08:42:46 +0000
I find it so tough to pray for people who are terminally ill. I try to have faith and remind myself of the miraculous recoveries I have witnessed that have left the doctors stumped. But my attempts to have faith rarely really help. I find it next to impossible to open up that book of Psalms when I'm in a rush, as usual, and the truth is that deep down I believe it's really a waste of time to pray for a person who, the doctors say, has only a few weeks or months left to live. I think this response to a question posed to Rabbi Lazer Brody, translator of the Garden of Emuna and author of the wonderful Lazer Beams blog, to be extremely helpful. Rabbi Lazer explains how prayers help a sick person, even if that person eventually dies. I think this is really important to read. May ever sick person receive a full and miraculous recovery! Dear Rabbi Lazer, I don't know if tears on a keyboard can cause a short circuit or not, but my fingers are slipping because the keys are all wet. A couple of minutes ago, I was informed that my best friend died of cancer in the brain. In between sobs, I'm typing this letter to you, because I need some consolation. For six straight weeks I've been begging G-d to save my friend, doubling up on my davening (praying) and saying Tehillim (Psalms) every day. I feel like Hashem doesn't care about me or my prayers. What's the use of pouring our heart out if in the end our prayers don't get answered? Please understand me - I don't mean to be disrespectful to G-d, I just want to understand. I'm glad you're available for people like me. Yours gratefully, Joanie from Australia Dear Joanie, May The Almighty comfort you at this tragic time of your untimely loss. Losing a close friend is even more difficult than losing a pound of flesh, since the souls of true friends are intertwined in a spiritual bond. You can be comforted with the knowledge that not a single syllable of your prayers and Psalms has gone to waste. In a way, we're like little children - when G-d doesn't grant us what we want, we cry. I promise you, though, that Hashem always does for the best. The fact that we don't understand, doesn't alter the fact. Here're a few important things to know about prayers one says in behalf of others: Point one: Prayers often act to reduce a sick person's suffering in some manner. Point two: Prayers have the ability to extend a sick person's life by a few months, weeks, days or even a few hours. Halacha forbids hastening a death in any way, since each moment of life is more precious than the Hope Diamond. Your prayers more than likely added some extra time units to your friend's life. For this, you can be joyous, because your deceased friend - may Hashem grant him/her eternal peace - will now be a "melitz" (mediator) on your behalf in the Heavenly Court. Anytime an accusing angel asks for a stiff verdict against you, your friend's soul will jump up in protest. You couldn't buy such a defense attorney for all the tea in China. Point three: Even if the prayers effected no change in your friend's condition, they still are a source of merit for him/her, since prayer arouses Heavenly compassion, and your prayers were said because of the price of suffering that your friend was paying. These merits will stand by your friend in the World to Come. Point four: Prayers bring salvation to other individuals and to the community as a whole. When Moshiach comes, we'll learn how each prayer uttered by each individual invoked Divine compassion and brought blessings to the world. Now is your time for mourning, and again, may you be consoled among the other mourners for Zion and Jerusalem. In the long haul, Joanie, you should rejoice. I can just imagine the joy that Hashem gets when he hears His daughter Joanie from the far-away continent of Australia calling out His name. By virtue of your continued prayers, Moshiach is a little closer. Continue talking to Hashem more than ever, and I'm sure that you'll be granted all your heart's wishes for the very best, b'ezrat Hashem. Yours always, Lazer CLICK TO RECEIVE THE #1 WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR JEWISH MOMS

Dear Chana Jenny: I'm Feeling Stuck in the Mud

JewishMOM.com — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 09:24:56 +0000
Dear Chana Jenny, I'd like to ask your opinion. I can't think of anyone else who will maybe understand what I mean, so I hope you have time to answer I was always easygoing and popular in school and opinionated and artistic. I loved seminary and afterwards taught Torah to 10th grade girls for one year (while in college for accounting). Then, thank G-d, I got married 10 years ago. Since then, I've been getting used to being married, running a house, cooking, CLEANING (I'm still horrible at this one), working, having and raising our 4 children, etc. Recently I've been feeling, though, like I want to "shine" and I can't because I'm bogged down with life...do you understand what I mean by that? I feel like I can grow, learn, even discuss, but that I'm not shining. I don't mean being the center of attention, I never was that, but I mean feeling like I'm shining from inside. I try to find myself outlets but they don't seem to help. Maybe they are in the wrong direction. Can you understand what I mean? Do you have any advice? Thanks so much, Devori from Jerusalem -------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Devori, Thanks for your question. And yes, I do know what you mean. I think that what you are feeling is extremely common among mothers. Without noticing, our lives get taken over by the demands of home, children, and work, and we end up feeling dried up, like we aren't passionate about anything anymore. I think that the best advice I ever got on this issue came from my teacher Rabbi Aryeh Nivin (click here to sign up for a free 4-week trial of Rabbi Nivin's life-altering Personal Development Chaburas). Rabbi Nivin explained that every Jew has a Universal Life's Purpose to keep the Torah and perform the mitzvot. But in addition, the Arizal taught that every single person has a yeud or a Divinely-mandated PERSONAL purpose in life that is completely unique to him or her. This means that, according to the Slonimer Rebbe, you can keep all the Torah and the Mitzvot, but if you haven't fulfilled your life's purpose, then you are missing one of the major reasons why G-d created you in the first place. Knowing your life's purpose provides tremendous joy and happiness. It can illuminate life's dark and confused moments and provide much-needed clarity. In other words, identifying your life's purpose can enable you to shine. So how do you figure out what your unique life's purpose is? Rabbi Nivin provided two tools: 1. Write a list of the ten most powerfully pleasurable experiences of your life. See if there are any patterns in what has brought your pleasure. When doing this exercise, avoid universally pleasurable experiences such as your wedding day or having a new baby. Look for experiences that might be connected to your life purpose. 2. Imagine that you will be given $500,000 a week to spend however your wish. You cannot save the money, and all of your personal needs and the needs of your family have already been taken care of. What would you spend the money on? Your choice of where you would spend the money is usually a good indication of what your life purpose is. Once you figure out your unique life's purpose, I think that it would be very helpful for you to incorporate your purpose into your regular weekly schedule. G-d willing, through identifying and fulfilling your unique purpose, you will be able to feel once again like you are shining. With blessings, Chana Jenny To learn more about the tools for determining your life's purpose, watch this video: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcUfCMHahMU&feature=player_embedded]

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About

Thu, 13 Jan 2011 03:39:53 +0000
Chana Jenny Weisberg, the creator of this blog, is a stay-home mother of 6 children living in Jerusalem with her husband Rabbi Joshua Weisberg. Originally from Baltimore, Chana has devoted her non-mom time over the past decade to providing inspiration and encouragement for other Jewish moms through her popular books Expecting Miracles and One Baby Step at a Time, inspirational articles, the Jewish Mom video series, the website JewishMOM.com, and now through this blog and her weekly newsletter. Receive the World’s #1 Weekly Newsletter for Jewish Moms What others have said about The JewishMom.com Blog and weekly newsletter: My dear and beloved Chana, I admire you so much. I admire how you connect motherhood with faith, and your sense of humor, and your Yirat Shamayim, but more than anything else, I admire how you understand that Jewish women are God’s princesses, and that our children are the means through which we express that royalty…Hashem is so proud of you, and so am I. With much love, Rabbanit Yemima Mizrachi “I am now officially ‘addicted’ to this blog. It is the only regular email I receive (and I receive many) that I always read cover to cover…Chana Jenny, you humbly allow yourself to learn and grow, and you take your viewers/readers along with you on that journey.” –Rishe Deitsch, Editor of the N’shei Chabad Newsletter Dear Chana, I feel like almost EVERY SINGLE video peptalk you give is about EXACTLY the thing that was bothering me as a mother that week. What I love about your blog is that you are just SUCH A MOM! You have the exact same problems as me. –Neta, Mother of 3, Ramat Beit Shemesh, Israel Dear Chana, I love your stuff! I love your postings so much that I often forward them to the mommies of the Montessori nursery school running out of 2 log cabins in my back yard. –Naomi, Nursery School Principal, Johannesberg, South Africa Dear Chana, Your blog reminds me that I am a member of a blessed, wonderful, world-wide community of really, really brave Jewish mothers. –Yikrat, Mother of 7, Jerusalem, Israel Dear Chana, When I get angry at my eldest daughter, I tend to ‘lose it’ with her. You taught me how to stop at the start of my ‘rant.’ Thank you! Lianne, Mother of 2, New York, NY, USA Dear Chana, I love your blog! It has strengthened my relationship with my toddler and with my husband. It has also strengthened my faith so much and teaches me to believe in myself. Words cannot express the gratitude I feel towards you! Love, Sara, Mother of 1, Toronto, Canada Dear Chana, I love reading your newsletter because you talk about real issues in a real way. This blog is tremendously inspirational. Sincerely, Sharona, Mother of 6, Jerusalem, Israel Dear Chana, Your weekly posts are often the only thing I look forward to reading via email. Your newsletters certainly cheer me up on a horrible day after coping with work and caring for a baby. Although we don’t know each other, I spout your advice and stories like I’m quoting a friend. Thank you for being there for me, Liba, Mother of 1, West Hartford, CT, USA Dear Chana, I have been faithfully following your blog and inhaling your mommy peptalks since I found the blog about a month or so ago. You are fantastic.” –Jennifer, mother of 4, Elizabeth, NJ, USA More wonderful reviews and articles featuring Chana Jenny Weisberg have appeared in: Hadassah Magazine, Jewish Telegraph Agency, Haaretz, The Jewish Press, Jewish Chronicle, the Jerusalem Report, Chicago Jewish News, Baltimore Jewish Times, Jewish News Weekly of Northern California, JOFA Journal, Jewsweek, Yated Neeman, Wisconsin Jewish Chronicle, JBooks and more. Chana would love to hear from you at: jenny18@zahav.net.il You can view all of Chana’s projects at her website. Receive the #1 Weekly Newsletter for Jewish Moms

Books

Thu, 13 Jan 2011 03:42:58 +0000
Click below to learn more about Expecting Miracles: Finding Meaning and Spirituality in Pregnancy through Judaism by Chana Jenny Weisberg About Expecting Miracles Praise for Expecting Miracles Click here to learn more about One Baby Step at a Time: 7 Secrets of Jewish Motherhood by Chana Jenny Weisberg

Thu, 13 Jan 2011 03:43:24 +0000

Videos

Thu, 13 Jan 2011 03:43:51 +0000
Click here to see the JewishMOM.com's Mini-Mom series. These short videos about Jewish mothers have been viewed over 250,000 times so far! Click here to watch my other popular short videos on Jewish topics

Thu, 13 Jan 2011 03:44:15 +0000

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Blog

Thu, 13 Jan 2011 12:13:25 +0000

Thu, 13 Jan 2011 12:15:08 +0000

Videos Page

Sun, 23 Jan 2011 09:51:12 +0000
[tubepress]

Inspiration for Pregnancy

Thu, 27 Jan 2011 08:36:16 +0000

Making Pregnancy Spiritual
We often get so caught up in the physical side of being pregnant- the blood-tests, the nausea, the doctors' appointments – that we are unable to concentrate on the spiritual significance of these nine months. But if we open our eyes, we can be profoundly inspired by life's greatest wonder- that through the cooperation of three partners- husband, wife, and the Creator of the World, a unique soul has descended from Heaven in order to grow into a human being inside of us. Focusing on this privilege can help us to overcome the physical and emotional challenges of pregnancy and birth- from the discomfort of back pain, to the emotional ups and downs of these nine months, to fears about the arrival of a new baby. A rebbetzin and mother of over a dozen children told me that during her pregnancies she would often think of the Chassidic teaching that every child is a living Torah. Even as she felt herself dragging from her growing girth, she would remind herself to hold her head a little higher, as if she was parading around a synagogue with an actual Torah scroll in her arms. While her approach towards making pregnancy more Jewish and meaningful is original, it is typical of the efforts of countless Jewish women since the beginning of our people's history to create ways to thank G-d for blessing them with a child. Through learning more about these traditions, we can connect ourselves back to other Jewish women since the time of Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah who went through exactly what we are going through now. We can learn from their experience and wisdom to maintain awareness of the miracle of pregnancy, and to request Divine assistance during these vulnerable months.

Traditional Women's Prayers for Pregnancy (Techinot)

Some Psalms for Pregnancy

Auspicious Traditions for Pregnancy (Segulot)

Jewish Pregnancy Bookshelf

Jewish Pregnancy Links

Holy Teachings on Pregnancy by Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach

Ask the Rabbi: Fasting on Yom Kippur during Pregnancy

Techinot- Traditional Women's Prayers for Pregnancy

Thu, 27 Jan 2011 08:44:23 +0000
Traditional Women's Prayers for Pregnancy The following techinot are for women to recite during pregnancy (Appeared Originally in the Yiddish Zultsbach prayer book from 1825): “May it be your will G-d, my L-rd and the L-rd of my ancestors, that you will ease for me the difficulty of pregnancy, and that You will increase my strength, and the strength of my fetus, so that my strength and the strength of my fetus will not be weakened by any weakness or loss of strength. And that you will save me from the slip of Eve, who was punished, “I will increase your suffering and distress, with suffering you will give birth to children.” When my time to give birth will arrive, I will give birth easily, and without any pain, and the baby will go out into the air of the world easily, and without any harm to me or to the baby. And the baby will be born with good luck [mazal tov], into life, peace, health, wealth, and honor, and will find grace in Your eyes and in the eyes of all your creations, and through this child will be fulfilled the verse: “There will not be a mourner or a barren woman in your land, I will give you a full life,” so you will complete my days and years, and my husband and I will be able to raise this child to serve You and we will merit to teach this child your holy Torah, and we will merit to have peace and wealth, honor and rest. And guard us, my fetus and me, that we will not be harmed, not physically, and not in any of our limbs, and not in any of our nerves, and not in our skin and not in our flesh, and not on the inside of our bodies or on the outside. And you will strengthen my courage, my strength, and my might, as it says: “There will be healing for your flesh, and refreshment for your bones.” My eyes are raised up to You, so that You will answer me, G-d, my L-rd, and I will rejoice in G-d, Who helps me and saves me, G-d my savior, who rushes to assist me. I am looking forward to your salvation, G-d, at every moment. G-d, hear my voice, have mercy upon me and answer me. Do this for the sake of the holy Patriarchs, who resided in dust, and in the merit of their good deeds. You will remember their love and you will keep alive their seed, and you will save me from all bad sicknesses and painful things, and you will bless me, as You promised in your holy Torah through Moses, the loyal one of Your house, “I will love you, and bless you, and increase you, and I will bless the fruit of your womb and the fruit of your land: your wheat, your wine, your pure oil, the increase of your cattle and the flocks of your sheep, in the land which G-d swore to your ancestors to give to you. You will be blessed above all the nations, and there will be no barren men or women among you or among your cattle.” So too you should bless me, and have mercy upon me, and answer me, and lengthen our days with goodness and pleasantness, as it is written, “I will satisfy him with long days, and I will show him my salvation,” Amen. Traditional Prayer (Techina) for the Husband to recite during Wife's Pregnancy: Master of the Universe! I thank You for your graciousness to me in granting your maidservant, my wife, pregnancy. May the Name of G-d be blessed and uplifted above all blessing and praise. Therefore, may it be Your will, Hashem our G-d, and G-d of our ancestors, to have mercy on all the pregnant women of Your nation Israel. Ease their suffering in pregnancy, and save them from miscarrying an unborn child. Spare those that are in labor from all evil with Your abundant compassion, and let them give birth to (children that will have) good lives. Among them, may Your compassion come forth on behalf of my wife, Your maidservant (fill in wife's name) daughter of (fill in mother-in-law's name) and ease the pains of her pregnancy, and when the term of her pregnancy is complete, may she give birth easily, and let the child be born into the world at an appropriate time with good fortune for us and for the child. Let no sickness or blemish affect the mother or the child. May the child be whole in all its limbs and senses. May goodness be decreed upon this child, so that it will have good fortune. May I rejoice in my offspring and may my wife be happy with her children in this world and in the world to come, so that we may not be ashamed or discomfited, and not stumble forever and ever. In Your great, mighty and awesome holy Name we trust. Oh G-d, full of mercy, be abundantly merciful with us, and seal the mouth of the accuser that he not harm my wife at the time she gives birth, and may all those that rise up against us to do harm fall with terror and dread, and be silent as if struck by a stone before Your mighty right hand. Bring Your compassion swiftly to assist us, for we are brought very low.

Inspiration for Birth

JewishMom — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 09:33:50 +0000
My Birth by Sara Zaddok (Chana Weisberg's favorite birth story of all!) Some Thoughts for a Spiritual Birth (that worked for me and my friends) Traditional Women's Prayers (Techinot) for Birth Some Psalms for Better Birthing Auspicious Practices (Segulot) for 9th Month and Birth The Jewish Birth Bookshelf A Chassidic Woman's Reflections on Birthing A Kabbalistic Birth Meditation by Rabbi Yitzhak Ginsburgh Holy C-Sections Three Earth-Shaking Birth Stories

Mazal Tov! Inspiration for New Parents

JewishMom — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 09:34:34 +0000
Thank Heaven for LITLE GIRLS!! by Rabbi Shraga Simmons Circumcision: Beautiful or Barbaric? by Rabbi Shraga Simmons (A MUST-READ ARTICLE!) Mazal tov! and Baby-Naming Links

Inspiration for Pregnancy

JewishMom — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 09:43:46 +0000

Pregnancy

JewishMom — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 09:45:05 +0000
Click below to find inspirational articles and links on the following topics: Inspiration for Pregnancy Inspiration for Birth Mazal Tov! Inspiration for New Parents Finding Comfort at Times of Infertility and Loss

Pregnancy

JewishMom — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 09:49:06 +0000

JewishMom — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 09:49:06 +0000

JewishMom — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 09:49:06 +0000

JewishMom — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 09:49:06 +0000
Making Pregnancy Spiritual We often get so caught up in the physical side of being pregnant- the blood-tests, the nausea, the doctors’ appointments – that we are unable to concentrate on the spiritual significance of these nine months. But if we open our eyes, we can be profoundly inspired by life’s greatest wonder- that through the cooperation of three partners- husband, wife, and the Creator of the World, a unique soul has descended from Heaven in order to grow into a human being inside of us. Focusing on this privilege can help us to overcome the physical and emotional challenges of pregnancy and birth- from the discomfort of back pain, to the emotional ups and downs of these nine months, to fears about the arrival of a new baby. A rebbetzin and mother of over a dozen children told me that during her pregnancies she would often think of the Chassidic teaching that every child is a living Torah. Even as she felt herself dragging from her growing girth, she would remind herself to hold her head a little higher, as if she was parading around a synagogue with an actual Torah scroll in her arms. While her approach towards making pregnancy more Jewish and meaningful is original, it is typical of the efforts of countless Jewish women since the beginning of our people’s history to create ways to thank G-d for blessing them with a child. Through learning more about these traditions, we can connect ourselves back to other Jewish women since the time of Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah who went through exactly what we are going through now. We can learn from their experience and wisdom to maintain awareness of the miracle of pregnancy, and to request Divine assistance during these vulnerable months. Traditional Women’s Prayers for Pregnancy (Techinot) Some Psalms for Pregnancy Auspicious Traditions for Pregnancy (Segulot) The Miraculous Lubavitch Quintuplets 7 Years (2-minute video) Bagels and LINKS Holy Teachings on Pregnancy by Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach Holy Birth Control

Testimonials

JewishMom — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 09:56:01 +0000

What others have said about JewishMOM.com and its weekly newsletter:
My dear and beloved Chana, I admire you so much. I admire how you connect motherhood with faith, and your sense of humor, and your Yirat Shamayim, but more than anything else, I admire how you understand that Jewish women are God’s princesses, and that our children are the means through which we express that royalty…Hashem is so proud of you, and so am I. With much love, –Rabbanit Yemima Mizrachi “I am now officially ‘addicted’ to this blog. It is the only regular email I receive (and I receive many) that I always read cover to cover…Chana Jenny, you humbly allow yourself to learn and grow, and you take your viewers/readers along with you on that journey.” –Rishe Deitsch, Editor of the N’shei Chabad Newsletter Dear Chana, I feel like almost EVERY SINGLE video peptalk you give is about EXACTLY the thing that was bothering me as a mother that week. What I love about your blog is that you are just SUCH A MOM! You have the exact same problems as me. –Neta, Mother of 3, Ramat Beit Shemesh, Israel Dear Chana, I love your stuff! I love your postings so much that I often forward them to the mommies of the Montessori nursery school running out of 2 log cabins in my back yard. –Naomi, Nursery School Principal, Johannesberg, South Africa Dear Chana, Your blog reminds me that I am a member of a blessed, wonderful, world-wide community of really, really brave Jewish mothers. –Yikrat, Mother of 7, Jerusalem, Israel Dear Chana, When I get angry at my eldest daughter, I tend to ‘lose it’ with her. You taught me how to stop at the start of my ‘rant.’ Thank you! Lianne, Mother of 2, New York, NY, USA Dear Chana, I love your blog! It has strengthened my relationship with my toddler and with my husband. It has also strengthened my faith so much and teaches me to believe in myself. Words cannot express the gratitude I feel towards you! Love, Sara, Mother of 1, Toronto, Canada Dear Chana, I love reading your newsletter because you talk about real issues in a real way. This blog is tremendously inspirational. Sincerely, Sharona, Mother of 6, Jerusalem, Israel Dear Chana, Your weekly posts are often the only thing I look forward to reading via email. Your newsletters certainly cheer me up on a horrible day after coping with work and caring for a baby. Although we don’t know each other, I spout your advice and stories like I’m quoting a friend. Thank you for being there for me, Liba, Mother of 1, West Hartford, CT, USA Dear Chana, I have been faithfully following your blog and inhaling your mommy peptalks since I found the blog about a month or so ago. You are fantastic. –Jennifer, mother of 4, Elizabeth, NJ, USA
More wonderful reviews and articles featuring Chana Jenny Weisberg have appeared in:
Hadassah Magazine, Jewish Telegraph Agency, Haaretz, The Jewish Press, Jewish Chronicle, the Jerusalem Report, Chicago Jewish News, Baltimore Jewish Times, Jewish News Weekly of Northern California, JOFA Journal, Jewsweek, Yated Neeman, Wisconsin Jewish Chronicle, JBooks and more. Chana Jenny would love to hear from you!

About Chana Jenny Weisberg

JewishMom — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 09:56:21 +0000

Chana Jenny Weisberg, the creator of this blog, is a stay-home mother of 6 children living in Jerusalem with her husband Rabbi Joshua Weisberg.
Originally from Baltimore, Chana Jenny has devoted her non-mom time over the past decade to providing inspiration and encouragement for other Jewish moms through her popular books Expecting Miracles and One Baby Step at a Time, inspirational articles, the Jewish Mom video series, the blog and website JewishMOM.com, as well as her extremely popular weekly newsletter which is currently received by over 11,000 Jewish mothers worldwide. Chana Jenny would love to hear from you!

Expecting Miracles: Finding Meaning and Spirituality in Pregnancy through Judaism

JewishMom — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 09:57:02 +0000
Click below to learn more about Expecting Miracles by Chana Jenny Weisberg About Expecting Miracles Praise for Expecting Miracles

One Baby Step at a Time: 7 Secrets of Jewish Motherhood

JewishMom — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 09:58:55 +0000

JewishMom — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 10:00:48 +0000

JewishMom — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 10:00:49 +0000

JewishMom — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 10:00:49 +0000

About Expecting Miracles

JewishMom — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 10:27:58 +0000

Expecting Miracles:

Finding Meaning and Spirituality in Pregnancy through Judaism

To Order

To Order in Israel

See the Entire Book Online

Expecting Miracles is a collection of refreshingly honest and inspiring interviews with traditionally-observant Jewish mothers about their diverse experiences of childbearing- and the ways in which they have managed to make pregnancy into something more- into a time for personal growth, spiritual awakening, and real-life miracles. You will find yourself quickly drawn in by these wonderfully different, engaging, and vibrant women who represent a wide cross-section of the religious community- and you will find yourself laughing with them and sighing with them at the same time that you will be reenergized to approach your own pregnancy with new insights and understanding. As you read the interviews in these pages, you will find yourself feeling over and over again that you are involved in an intense personal conversation with a close friend. Hear from a

A midwife and mother of eight who encourages birthing mothers at the most intense stages of labor to pray for the redemption of the Jewish people. A first-time mother who recalls her mother's miraculous pregnancy as the result of a blessing from a Chassidic Rebbe.

A Yiddish-speaking mother of fifteen from Mea Shearim who “speaks with the Holy One Blessed be He like with [her] own mother.”

Have you ever asked yourself what Judaism can teach you about pregnancy? Interviews with Rabbaniot Chana Henkin, Tziporah Heller, and Emuna Witt will brighten up your pregnancy with some new ideas about how Judaism can make these nine months more meaningful. You will find that Jewish mysticism is a treasure-chest of practical ideas to make your birth a more positive and spiritually-fulfilling experience as you read unprecedented articles (available for the first time on this site!) on the approach to childbirth in Chassidic philosophy by Yehudis Golshevsky and mystical breathing exercises for the birth by renowned Kabbalist Rabbi Yitzhak Ginsburgh.
To Order

To order in Israel

See the Book Online

Praise for Expecting Miracles

JewishMom — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 10:38:02 +0000
“Chana Weisberg's... book offers wisdom from conversations with observant Jewish women for transforming pregnancy into an opportunity for personal and spiritual growth. This unusual book will serve as a valuable resource for all pregnant women, their husbands, doctors and members of their families.” –Dov Peretz Elkins, co-Author of Chicken Soup for the Jewish Soul "Immerse yourself in the wondrous world of miracles, of faith, of G-d-intoxication, which Chana Weisberg so subtly and masterfully paints...A must for every “expectant” mother..." The Jewish Press "I loved the book! I devoured it... It filled the great thirst I had to gain an understanding of the deeper meaning of the unique experience [of pregnancy and childbirth]...This book fills a very big need in our community, and it is definitely sitting in my office waiting room." Dr. Hava-Yael Schreiber, Senior OB/GYN, And more enthusiastic reviews/articles in: Hadassah Magazine, The Nshei Chabad Newsletter, The Jewish Press, Jewish Telegraph Agency, Haaretz, YatedNeeman, Jewsweek, Jewish Chronicle (UK), Wisconsin Jewish Chronicle, Chicago Jewish News, Cleveland Jewish News, Jewish News Weekly of Northern California (JTA), JOFA Journal, JBooks Yitta Halberstam, bestselling author of Small Miracles: Extraordinary Coincidences from Everyday Life, writes: "A fascinating journey into previously unexplored terrain.Chana Weisberg's beautifully written book explores the little known world of Orthodox Jewish women in various stages of pregnancy: their hopes, their dreams, their fears,their beliefs as they integrate the marvels, the mysteries, the magic, and ultimately, the miracle of childbirth and mothering.This is an important, erudite, and valuable contribution to the growing body of religious ethnographic literature, and offers fresh insights and intimate glimpses into the psychological and spiritual world of the orthodox woman, a world where religion, above all, predominates. Although the focus of the book is on pregnancy and childbirth, the net cast here is a broad one, and we learn much about the rituals, customs, mores, and beliefs of a society worlds apart from the general culture the book is written in very lucid, cogent and readable style, and proves to be vastly entertaining as well.” Rebbetzin Rivka Slonim- Renowned Speaker and author of Total Immersion writes:"Chana Weisberg's ground breaking book takes the reader into the literal and figurative womb of Jewish women's spirituality. Through a series of eclectic, sometimes off beat, always honest and intimate interviews, her work provides a breathtaking view of women engaged in the most difficult and fulfilling of life's experiences: pregnancy, childbirth and child rearing. More importantly, her subjects highlight a truth that has been woefully lost in the discussion concerning women and their place in Judaism: religious devotion, for women and men, is first and always about placing G-d at the center."

JewishMom — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 10:51:01 +0000
“Chana Weisberg’s… book offers wisdom from conversations with observant Jewish women for transforming pregnancy into an opportunity for personal and spiritual growth. This unusual book will serve as a valuable resource for all pregnant women, their husbands, doctors and members of their families.” –Dov Peretz Elkins, co-Author of Chicken Soup for the Jewish Soul “Immerse yourself in the wondrous world of miracles, of faith, of G-d-intoxication, which Chana Weisberg so subtly and masterfully paints…A must for every “expectant” mother…” The Jewish Press “I loved the book! I devoured it… It filled the great thirst I had to gain an understanding of the deeper meaning of the unique experience [of pregnancy and childbirth]…This book fills a very big need in our community, and it is definitely sitting in my office waiting room.” Dr. Hava-Yael Schreiber, Senior OB/GYN, And more enthusiastic reviews/articles in: Hadassah Magazine, The Nshei Chabad Newsletter, The Jewish Press, Jewish Telegraph Agency, Haaretz, YatedNeeman, Jewsweek, Jewish Chronicle (UK), Wisconsin Jewish Chronicle, Chicago Jewish News, Cleveland Jewish News, Jewish News Weekly of Northern California (JTA), JOFA Journal, JBooks Yitta Halberstam, bestselling author of Small Miracles: Extraordinary Coincidences from Everyday Life, writes: “A fascinating journey into previously unexplored terrain.Chana Weisberg’s beautifully written book explores the little known world of Orthodox Jewish women in various stages of pregnancy: their hopes, their dreams, their fears,their beliefs as they integrate the marvels, the mysteries, the magic, and ultimately, the miracle of childbirth and mothering.This is an important, erudite, and valuable contribution to the growing body of religious ethnographic literature, and offers fresh insights and intimate glimpses into the psychological and spiritual world of the orthodox woman, a world where religion, above all, predominates. Although the focus of the book is on pregnancy and childbirth, the net cast here is a broad one, and we learn much about the rituals, customs, mores, and beliefs of a society worlds apart from the general culture the book is written in very lucid, cogent and readable style, and proves to be vastly entertaining as well.” Rebbetzin Rivka Slonim- Renowned Speaker and author of Total Immersion writes: “Chana Weisberg’s ground breaking book takes the reader into the literal and figurative womb of Jewish women’s spirituality. Through a series of eclectic, sometimes off beat, always honest and intimate interviews, her work provides a breathtaking view of women engaged in the most difficult and fulfilling of life’s experiences: pregnancy, childbirth and child rearing. More importantly, her subjects highlight a truth that has been woefully lost in the discussion concerning women and their place in Judaism: religious devotion, for women and men, is first and always about placing G-d at the center. “

JewishMom — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 10:51:01 +0000
Expecting Miracles: Finding Meaning and Spirituality in Pregnancy through Judaism To Order To Order in Israel In the Press See the Whole Book Online Expecting Miracles is a collection of refreshingly honest and inspiring interviews with traditionally-observant Jewish mothers about their diverse experiences of childbearing- and the ways in which they have managed to make pregnancy into something more- into a time for personal growth, spiritual awakening, and real-life miracles. You will find yourself quickly drawn in by these wonderfully different, engaging, and vibrant women who represent a wide cross-section of the religious community- and you will find yourself laughing with them and sighing with them at the same time that you will be reenergized to approach your own pregnancy with new insights and understanding. As you read the interviews in these pages, you will find yourself feeling over and over again that you are involved in an intense personal conversation with a close friend. Hear from a A midwife and mother of eight who encourages birthing mothers at the most intense stages of labor to pray for the redemption of the Jewish people. A first-time mother who recalls her mother’s miraculous pregnancy as the result of a blessing from a Chassidic Rebbe. A Yiddish-speaking mother of fifteen from Mea Shearim who “speaks with the Holy One Blessed be He like with [her] own mother.” Have you ever asked yourself what Judaism can teach you about pregnancy? Interviews with Rabbaniot Chana Henkin, Tziporah Heller, and Emuna Witt will brighten up your pregnancy with some new ideas about how Judaism can make these nine months more meaningful. You will find that Jewish mysticism is a treasure-chest of practical ideas to make your birth a more positive and spiritually-fulfilling experience as you read unprecedented articles (available for the first time on this site!) on the approach to childbirth in Chassidic philosophy by Yehudis Golshevsky and mystical breathing exercises for the birth by renowned Kabbalist Rabbi Yitzhak Ginsburgh. To Order To order in Israel In the Press See the Book Online

About One Baby Step at a Time

JewishMom — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 11:03:24 +0000
Watch this 4-Minute video to learn more about the book One Baby Step at a Time Enthusiastic reviews/articles about as well as excerpts from One Baby Step at a Time have appeared in The Jerusalem Report (Cover Story), Jewish Telegraph Agency- JTA (Feature Article), The Jewish Press, Aish.com (Lead Article), Chabad.org (Feature Article), N'shei Chabad Newsletter, and the Jewish Telegraph Agency Click to order

About One Baby Step at a Time: 7 Secrets of Jewish Motherhood

JewishMom — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 11:11:10 +0000
A 4-Minute Video about book \”One Baby Step at a Time\” Enthusiastic reviews/articles as well as excerpts from One Baby Step at a Time appeared in The Jerusalem Report (Cover Story), Jewish Telegraph Agency- JTA (Feature Article), The Jewish Press, Aish.com (Lead Article), Chabad.org (Feature Article), N’shei Chabad Newsletter, Jewish Telegraph Agency Click to order

Some Psalms for Pregnancy and Birth

JewishMom — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 18:09:40 +0000
The Book of Psalms, traditionally accredited to King David, is great reading material for all people, and for pregnant women in particular. I read one psalm every morning during breakfast (my three-year old has amazingly learned to hold all requests until I'm done!) and I find it always gives me a good, strong, G-d focused (as opposed to my own stress-of-the-day-focused) start to my day. If you're wondering whether this habit of mine is just a strange personal quirk, all you need to do is get on any Jerusalem bus, and you are sure to see that the ancient tradition of reading Psalms is alive and well among modern Jewish women. King David always writes about such serious problems- from an enemy army waiting to attack, to feelings of total worthlessness (he calls himself "a worm"), to terrible depression (he cries so much that his bed swims in a pool of gathered tears), that I feel better about whatever relatively small trouble I'm obsessing about at the moment. His answer is always simple- turn to G-d, and help will arrive There are several traditions related to what specific Psalms to read during pregnancy and birth: (locate the recommended Psalms online at http://www.breslov.com/bible/Psalms.htm ) Psalms for Pregnancy Rabbi Chaim Kanyevsky recommends reciting the following psalms every day of pregnancy: Psalms number: 1, 4, 5, 8, 20, 35, 57, 93, 108 Psalms for the Birth There is a popular custom that when the wife is in active labor she or her husband should repeat psalm number 20, twelve times. Lubavitch Chassidic custom instructs us to read the following psalms during the birth: 1, 2, 3, 4, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 33, 47, 72, 86, 90, 91, 92, 93, 104, 112, and 113 to the end of the book of Psalms. You can read these Psalms in your own copy of the Hebrew Bible, or at the following great link, which features the whole Bible in English translation as well as the original Hebrew. http://www.breslov.com/bible/Psalms.htm

Segulot (Auspicious Practices) for Pregnancy

JewishMom — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 18:20:52 +0000
What are Auspicious Traditions (Segulot)? Jewish Mysticism teaches that the smallest good deed- from lighting Sabbath candles, to giving charity, to taking a moment each day to thank G-d for giving you life – has a disproportionately large positive effect in the world and in the spiritual realm as well. This is similar to the way in which a small candle can light up a whole dark room. Pregnancy is an important time to invest in lighting up these dark rooms in your life- for your sake as well as the sake of the baby inside of you. The primary way to do this is through prayer, Jewish study, and performance other commandments. In addition, Jewish mysticism teaches about the influence of auspicious practices (known as “segulot”) that have been used for hundreds or even thousands of years to assist in bringing about a safe pregnancy and birth. There are several explanations for why segulot are effective: Segulot help to keep you focused on G-d's role in bringing a new human being into the world, enabling you to remain confident and relaxed as you remind yourself that you are in the best possible hands. This is similar to a man's use of a prayer shawl while praying, in that a physical object inspires him to be more G-d focused. Segulot have a positive effect because of mystical workings that are beyond human understanding. The power of suggestion and the principle of mind over matter are at work. For example, during my second birth I concentrated on the auspicious verse, “And he is like a groom coming out from his wedding canopy, rejoicing like a hero who has run the whole way.” Repeating this verse over and over to myself helped me to visualize my own little groom (make that little bride) getting ready to come out of me. Saying this verse also helped me to relax, and gave me confidence because of my belief in the inherent mystical power of the verse to enable the birth to progress more smoothly and quickly (by that point in labor, I was ready to believe anything!) In the following examples of auspicious practices, I have provided a short possible explanation for each practice, even though in most cases I was unable to find any official rabbinic rationale in books specializing on this topic. (In other words, please take my explanations with a grain of salt or two. Or three.) Wait to Share the Great News Jewish tradition advises not sharing news of the pregnancy with people outside of your immediate family until you are in your second trimester, or (some traditions recommend) until the pregnancy is visible. There is a traditional explanation for this custom related to not wanting to promote jealousy, but there are other obvious benefits as well. If, G-d forbid, a woman does miscarry during the risky first trimester, the situation will not be made even more difficult by having to share this tragic news with acquaintances, colleagues at work, and distant relatives. I have also found that the inability to complain about the nausea and exhaustion of the first trimester to every innocent passerby makes this tough period pass more quickly (for them, and for me!). Invest in Spiritual Development There is a famous story about a father who asked a rabbi when he should start educating his child about religion. The rabbi answered, "Twenty years before the child's birth." The simple reading of this answer is that the children of religiously-educated parents will benefit from their parents' knowledge. A learned parent will be able to teach his/her children all about Jewish life- from the meaning of the shofar-blowing on Rosh Hashana, to the details of the Jewish wedding ceremony, to the nature of G-d's special relationship with the Jewish people. On a more mysterious level, however, the rabbis of the Talmud (Oral Law) teach that every Jewish baby develops spiritually in utero, and even receives private Torah tutoring from an angel for the whole pregnancy. The Rabbis further explain that there is a connection between the mother's spiritual state during pregnancy (and in the period before the conception, and during the conception itself) on the spiritual development of the fetus. To illustrate this point, the Talmud tells the story of a mother who would stand by the entrance to schools for Jewish study in order to make sure that her child would love the Torah, and the baby she gave birth to, Rabbi Joshua, became one of the greatest rabbis in Jewish history. Pregnant women can try to give their baby a spiritual head start by investing more in prayer, in the performance of commandments, and in expanding their knowledge about Judaism through reading and attending classes. Invest in your Emotional Health Jewish tradition encourages pregnant women to zealously guard their upbeat outlooks and positive perspectives by avoiding situations that will bring them down emotionally- such as listening to slander, gossip and crude talk. Other no-nos are becoming angry, and looking at scary things (sorry to all the horror movie fans out there). These recommendations remind us of the vulnerability of the fetus, and the negative effects our surroundings and the mood they put us in can have on the baby we are carrying. In 2001, scientists at SUNY Stony Brook confirmed these traditional suspicions about the relationship between mommy's moods and baby's development with research findings that optimists have fewer high-risk newborns than pessimistic pregnant ladies (thanks to my Aunt Sheila for sending this article!). Be careful to only eat kosher food Imagine feeding your newborn baby junk food full of harmful chemicals, or putting a cigarette in his or her mouth! In the same way you should try to make sure that all the nourishment he or she receives from you during pregnancy will help to promote the spiritual health of this new and perfect soul. The why and how of keeping kosher: http://www.aish.com/literacy/mitzvahs/ABCs_of_Kosher.asp Give charity On Yom Kippur, we ask that prayer, charity, and spiritual awakening will cancel any Divine decrees against us. Jewish law requires us to give ten percent of all earnings to charity, and our tradition further encourages us to reach into our pockets a few more times by reminding us that giving charity can awaken G-d's mercy on us. This is of special importance during pregnancy- one of the most vulnerable periods in a woman's (and this new little human being's) life. Because of this, some women and their husbands give a small amount of charity every day during pregnancy (even a few pennies), and during the birth as well. Learn more about giving charity during the birth according to the Breslov Chassidic tradition. Eat something every Saturday night, after sundown The tradition of eating a meal when the Sabbath ends, called Melave Malka (“accompanying the Queen” – in honor of the parting of the queen of the Jewish people, the Sabbath) is a common Jewish custom, and is especially popular among pregnant women (and not only because you're starving all the time!) As you sit down to eat your meal you should state out loud that you are performing the commandment of eating a melave malka. This bridge between the Sabbath and the rest of the week enables you to bring along some of the spirituality and happy-heartedness of the Sabbath into the week, and to lift delicate and roller-coaster pregnant spirits that tend to plunge downward after the sky darkens on Saturday night. If you don't know why your spirits would be dragging Saturday night, it probably means that your Sabbath is still just Friday and Saturday, and that you are missing out on Judaism's greatest gift to the Jewish family- an oasis of uninterrupted spirituality and wonderful family time (and the highlight of my week! Honest!) Click here to learn about the Holy Sabbath at http://www.aish.com/shabbat. A beautiful site with hundreds of articles on how to transform Saturday in Shabbat!

The Miraculous Lubavitch Quintuplets

JewishMom — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 18:24:44 +0000
After Seven Years of Infertility- Lubavitch Couple has Quintuplets (translated from Hebrew and adapted by Chana (Jenny)Weisberg from article by R. Beener that appears in Mishpacha Tova, Kislev: 5762) "Seven years we were married, without children…" is how David starts his story. The Segal family had gone through seven years of hope and despair that ended in a wondrous way on the second of Elul, when five babies came at once to join their family. Yes, five! And thank G-d they are all healthy and whole. Their Life in Russia "Maybe it would be good if we started from the beginning…" David suggests. "My wife and I were born in Russia. Russia of those days did not allow Jews to observe their religion. In general, the word "Jew" was a word that was so dangerous that we did not say it, even in our thoughts. We grew up without a trace of Jewish life…" When they married, David and his Esther were both young students, he of physics and she of linguistics. Two young Jews, without worries, who knew nearly nothing about what it meant to be Jewish. "We married in a civil ceremony, as was the norm in Russia," he emphasized. "When we celebrated our first anniversary, we were already not the same worry-free youngsters…our home was quiet and empty, without a child to fill the emptiness. We started going from one fertility treatment to the next, and from one doctor to another, but to no avail." In the framework of the different treatments, the couple came to a Jewish doctor in Moscow. At the end of the treatment, the doctor examined them with a serious look and said, "Fine, these treatments you are doing for your body, and what are you doing for your souls?" "What do you suggest?" they asked. "Maybe you should have a Chuppah [a Jewish wedding canopy] and a Jewish wedding, according to Jewish law, for the blessing it will bring you." Another year passed. A year of treatments and doctors and hopes and despair. Over the course of the same year, in the back of their minds hovered the recommendation of that doctor, like something that would not give them rest. In the end, they could not ignore her recommendation any longer. By the end of that year they were answering "Amen," underneath a Jewish wedding canopy. "It's difficult," David says "…It's difficult to explain the incredible feeling that we had when we stood there, under the wedding canopy. It was so exciting. Maybe we did not understand the meaning of the ceremony, but the experience of standing there was so moving, so exciting." But the wedding ceremony was just one part of the story. The cherry on top of the whipped cream. Before that, when the young couple came to Rabbi Pavezner, the rabbi of Petersburg, in order to request that he marry them in a Jewish ceremony, he smiled at their innocence. They did not know the long list of requirements they would have to fulfill beforehand: such as a circumcision for example. "And then I had a circumcision…" David says simply, as though it is a routine thing for a person to have a circumcision twenty plus years after his birth… Afterwards the rabbi instructed them concerning the other basic commandments. "And we began studying Torah…" David added. He, a student of physics- his wife, a linguist by profession- both of them rationalists. And they began at the beginning- from ABC. "That is how we began our way to Judaism." He concludes. "It began with our desire for children. And it continued as we got to know the Lubavitch community in Petersburg. It was an acquaintance that led to our becoming religious." "It's a warm community, with so much soul!" David exclaims, almost five years after the fact. "And they accepted us into their community with a big embrace and with so much love," he adds. Very quickly, the two went from being students to teachers, and in addition to teaching they would often have thirty students at their house for Shabbat dinner. And, despite all this, the Segals could not forget their private suffering, that they had no children in their home. Miracles from the Rebbe's Letters Two years ago, a rabbi who learned of the couple's lack of children turned for a blessing for them in the Igerot Kodesh (Igerot Kodesh are the books containing all the collected letters of the Lubavitcher Rebbe zts"l. It has become a tradition for Lubavitcher Chassidim to place a letter, question or request for a blessing into the Igerot Kodesh, on a random page, and in that way receive an answer/blessing.] The answer that they received from the Igerot was amazing in how directly it related to their situation. It told them that they would soon have a son, and even indicated the name they should give the boy. "We believed that what was written would come to pass, and that we would indeed have a son." "We continued with the fertility treatments, and believed with all of our hearts that what we had read would certainly come to pass. And indeed, a little more than a year later, the couple received the news that Esther was pregnant. David explains, "It's difficult for me to explain. It was greater than we could have expected- like receiving a present that you had not expected to receive. But that was just the beginning. One day, out of the blue, my wife called me and told me that she was expecting twins." And that was not the end of it. Soon afterwards, the doctor told them that they were expecting four- no more, no less. David admits, "The truth is, at that point we began to get a little bit afraid…four?! Us? How will the birth go?" At that point their doctor, who was also a bit confused, suggested that they abort some of the fetuses in order to ensure that at least some of them would survive this crowded pregnancy. David asked his rabbi, who told him that there were differing opinions- some which favored abortion of some of the fetuses, and some which did not. David, in the meantime, did his own research and found that in the case of multiple gestations there was no proven relationship between aborting some of the fetuses, and a healthy result for the others. Of course, as Lubavitcher Chassidim, they also once again consulted the Igerot Kodesh. They received the answer, "You should preserve all flesh." Then they looked again and received the answer, "May you have an easy birth, at the right time, a healthy and whole baby." When the doctor heard that they had decided against aborting some of the fetuses, he said, "Thank G-d!" and let out a sigh. When the couple was surprised by her reaction, she explained, "It's not easy for me to authorize an abortion. The mind says that it's for the best, but the heart wants for it to be otherwise." In addition, the doctor instructed them to immediately emigrate to Israel, where they would receive the best possible medical care. Pregnant in Israel Two weeks later, David was studying at the Tsemach Tsedek yeshiva in Jerusalem's Old City, and Esther was being monitored at Shaarei Tsedek hospital. While there, the couple received news that they could not have possibly imagined. They were told that they were expecting not four but five children. Esther was immediately hospitalized for the rest of her pregnancy. After her first day at the hospital, Esther called David who heard that she was crying inconsolably. The doctors had told her that she was suffering from an illness, and that the babies' chances for survival were close to nonexistent. And that was just the beginning. Those weeks, prior to the birth, Esther and David will remember as the most difficult of their lives. Every day, the complications became worse and worse. The couple vacillated between despair and hope over and over. The doctors accused the couple of endangering their babies with their earlier decision not to abort some of the fetuses. Through hours that were too difficult to bear, the David and Esther prayed that everything should go well. They gave charity, and checked their mezuzas and tefillin, and prayed and prayed. When Esther arrived at the hospital, the doctors made the dire prediction that the pregnancy would survive for just another two days, but in the end, with G-d's help, Esther held on for another ten weeks, and finally gave birth by C-section on the second of Elul of this year. And they were born, all five of them, three boys and two girls- their weights varying between 1200 and 1400 grams. In their wondrous birth, the Segal quintuplets managed to amaze the greatest of doctors, all of them healthy and whole, despite all of the worst predictions. So, in one day, the Segal family went from being childless to being a family blessed with five children. Do you think this is easy? And all seven of them are new immigrants. They will have to build a new life in a new country, as a new family. Yes, they are heading out on a path that is not easy, with countless awakenings at night, countless feedings from the bottle, countless rockings on the right shoulder, and then the left, and hundreds of strokes on little bodies…five of them. And through all of this, happiness! Too much happiness to comprehend.

Jewish Pregnancy Links

JewishMom — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 18:31:54 +0000
Know of any other amazing articles/sites I should link to? Please write me! www.TheJewishWoman.com: Amazing Articles on Pregnancy and Birth for Jewish women. I love this site! Fantastic practical and inspirational articles by Jewish women about their experiences of pregnancy and birth. Also, articles on customs for pregnancy. Fascinating reading, with a bunch of pregnancy miracle stories thrown in for dessert. What could be better? www.Mikvah.org: Fantastic Articles on Pregnancy and Childbirth- Excerpts from Jewish books on birthing, and other original articles on birth and pregnancy from a Jewish perspective. DON'T MISS THIS SITE!! http://mikvah.org/inside.asp?id=8 Rebbetzin Faige Twersky on "The Spiritual Side of Pregnancy"- What is a Jewish woman supposed to be doing during pregnancy? This link contains words of wisdom from the incomparable Rebbetzin Faige Twersky. Never heard of her? I am a huge fan of Rebbetzin Faige- I think she's unbelievable. My dream is to one day be half (make that a quarter) as smart and insightful as she is about life! You can read her regular column on Aish.com and her fantastic book (one of my favorites) Ask Rebbetzin Faige. ImaMother.com- Amazing Resource! A wide array of very active discussion forums for Orthodox mothers and mothers-to-be on tons of different topics from pregnancy to parenting teenagers to mothers' favorite Shabbat recipes. VERY HIGHLY RECOMMENDED! (Sorry, this site is restricted to Orthodox mothers...) “The Wonder that is Woman”- The challenge and the miracle of birth from the Lubavitcher Rebbe.http://www.chabadonline.com/scripts/tgij/paper/Article.asp?ArticleID=1544 “What Happened on Your Birthday”- A Jewish approach to birthdays, and the potential of a human life.http://www.chabadonline.com/scripts/tgij/paper/Article.asp?ArticleID=2527 Photographs of Developing Embryo Beautiful!! These incredible photographs will help you connect with the miracle that is taking place inside your bellyful of baby. http://w-cpc.org/fetal1.html

Holy Pregnancies by Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach

JewishMom — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 18:34:48 +0000
Holy Pregnancies (Translated from the books Kedushat Yeladim and Omek HaLev (Hebrew) edited by Rabbi Yachad Witt.) Here are some wonderful, spine-tingling, goose-bump raising sayings from the late Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach z”l. You can read these teachings over quickly, or you can close your eyes after each one and savor it for a long time. That’s because all of Reb Shlomo’s teachings are inspiring on a simple level, and much deeper and sweeter if you take some time to think about them. For more information on Rabbi Carlebach, click here: http://www.rebshlomo.org/ Reb Shlomo taught: What do children learn in their mothers’ bellies for nine months? They learn why their souls need to come down to this world right now. They learn what their role will be in the world. My rabbi cannot teach me this, and no holy book in the world can answer this question This is the torah of the nine months. We pray so much that we should become parents before our babies are born- we really pray with all our hearts. But now that we have already received them from Heaven, we do not pray so much. The truth is that after children are born, we really need to pray for them all the time as well. The woman is the one who brings a child to the world. Men have only a small part in creating a baby. Pregnancy and birth are too deep for us men. They are too high for us- that’s holiness that we are not able to reach. That is the holy secret that the Creator of the Universe passed on only to women so that they can be holy mothers. Everyone knows that Elijah the Prophet comes to the circumcision of every Jewish boy, but when does he come to every girl? Under the wedding canopy, of course. And why does Elijah wait until the wedding? Because the truth is that the most important thing for Jewish women is to bring more holy souls into the world, and for that reason Elijah waits to come to their weddings and bless every Jewish woman that she will have the strength to build a Jewish home, and to be a holy mother to her children. Before a child is born, he asks the Holy One, “Why do I need to be created?” And the Holy One answers him, “The world of souls is spiritual and holy but the physical world is the Holy of Holies.” Why do children close their eyes when they are born? They want to know how much their parents love them even when they don’t see them. When children are born, they know that their parents love them so much, and that they want to give their children everything even when the children don’t know about it. This is the reason babies close their eyes during the birth.

An Amazing Birth Story by Sarah Zadok

JewishMom — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 11:36:35 +0000
I've read a lot of birth stories, and this is my very favorite. Enjoy! My Birth by Sarah Zadok This is my story… It’s 3 am. I’m drifting somewhere in between sleep and awake…I’m curled up under soft down, lying peacefully beside my husband. My belly is big and ripe and my mind is empty… tranquil even. My body is loose and easy, I am totally relaxed. “POP!” An internal balloon pops inside of me, and a tiny stream of fresh, warm water begins to trickle from my insides. Ahhh, labor has begun… my baby is coming to me. I put on my moccasins and waddle to the bathroom and as I do, a contraction rushes through my body with the power of a tidal wave. I lean into the wall for support, breath deep and give in. My body is still loose; I am empty, open, ready. I let the contraction work it’s magic. I surrender. The rushes continue, they intensify, they crowd my being, – I welcome them. I am transforming… I am a daisy in the wind – innocent and vulnerable. I am a tigress –formidable and powerful, I am a hurricane – wild and raging, I am flame, purposeful and illuminating. I am a woman “W-O-M-A-N.” My husband gives me space to be all that I am. He knows this is a world to which he cannot attach, awed by the force of it all, he prays silently in the corner. He knows what I need. I don’t hear his words; only feel their honesty and intensity. I sense he means whatever it is that he is saying, and that feels good. I feel safe with him nearby, his prayer: a protection and a shield. My midwife wordlessly rubs scented oils down my back. The sweet smell of lavender, clarie sage, rose and jasmine rise all around me. Her touch is ecstasy. I have made a communion with my body and my soul. They are functioning as one whole. Every movement I make and sound I emit comes from a place so deep and innate, so primal, I know I have crossed worlds. I am very present, but I am not “here.” I am in “labor land.” Time does not exist where I am, fear is not welcome. I sweat, I groan, I rest, I squat, I smile. I feel G-d cradling me in His mighty Arms, He rocks me back and forth to the rhythm of this birth. “This is what your body was created to do.” He whispers. “Okay” I answer, “Okay.” He is my metronome, I sway to His beat. There is nothing else. I am supported, I am powerful, I am beautiful, I am humbled… I am ready. My body opens like a rose unfolding to the day’s first light and my sweet baby girl descends from her Eden inside and into the garden of this world below. She brings with her a piece of the World to Come. She is covered in its dew, pink with its secrets, and ripe with beginning. She is a part of me, of him and of Him. She is the connection to all that came before us, and all that lies ahead. I am higher than I have ever been. She has eyes and a mouth, little pink fingers and legs that kick. She is so real. I am drunk with her beauty. A new soul was born from inside of me. Cast from our union, shaped by love and prayer, molded by hope and faith. My baby girl looks at me. She sees me. Eyes wide open to the wonder of it all. There is nothing else than this moment. She is born, and so I am. Reprinted with permission from the author. Sarah Zadok is a childbirth educator, doula, and freelance writer. She lives in Ramat Beit Shemesh, Israel with her husband and four children.

Recommendations for a Spiritual Birth

JewishMom — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 12:29:14 +0000
Spiritual Preparation for Birth (taken from a lecture given at Ohr Chaya in Jerusalem by Nurit Glazer called "Spiritual Preparation for the birth") I listen to this tape several times before every birth! It is incredibly helpful! Here are the class' main points... - Birth is the greatest opportunity in the life of a woman to connect with G-d. If we spend the birth just waiting for the time to pass, we are wasting one of the greatest opportunities in our lives. - Birth is a time to return to G-d (teshuva) through the happiness we feel to be bringing a new soul into the world. -Your thoughts should focus on a spiritual place, and not on the physical sensation of the contraction. Concentrate on the fact that G-d is opening your cervix. The doctors and midwives are G-d's helpers, but only G-d can really help. Turn to G-d. -G-d is waiting for us to pray for help- for us to ask that He ease our pain. -Don't worry about giving birth past your due date (unless your doctor tells you that you should worry about it.) There is a special time appointed for each baby to be born, and we should leave this up to the Creator of the world to decide. -During the birth we should concentrate on the thought that G-d is totally with us, as He is with every birthing woman. G-d controls every detail of our births. -The pain of birth is also from G-d. We are totally in His hands. -When you walk into the hospital, it is easy to forget that the birth is in G-d's hands- and not controlled by the doctors, midwives, and big flashing, beeping machines. The moment you walk through the hospital's sliding door, take a moment to remind yourself that G-d is opening your womb- that a new soul is coming into the world, and that G-d is the ultimate midwife. -She recommends reciting Biblical verses during the contractions. Click here for suggestions for different verses.

Traditional Prayers (Techinot) for Birthing

JewishMom — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 12:32:01 +0000
Traditional Women's Prayers (Techinot) for During and After Birth To be Recited by Others on Your Behalf During Active Labor: May it be Your will, O great, mighty and awesome G-d, that the merits of this poor woman who is trembling and crying out in her pains of childbirth, be remembered before You. If she has done anything against Your will, forgive and cleanse it through her suffering in the pain of her labor. May the sound of her cry ascend to Your Throne of Glory, and seal the mouth of her accusers; but may those who defend her with good deeds be gathered before You as is Your custom, to bestow goodness on the worthy and non-worthy alike. Spread Your mercy upon her, for You answer in time of distress. O merciful Ruler who is merciful to all, who redeems and saves, hears and answers! As soon as you can ritually wash your hands after the birth, say: After the birth of a girl: Baruch ata Adonay Elohanu Melech Haolam, Shehechiyanu, v'Kiyamanu, v' Higiyanu l'zman hazeh. [Blessed are You G-d, L-rd of the Universe, Who has kept me alive, and sustained me, and made me arrive at this day.] After the birth of a boy: Baruch ata Adonay Elohanu Melech Haolam, haTov v'haMeiteev. [Blessed are You G-d, L-rd of the Universe, Who is good and brings us good.] When you are able to get out of bed after the birth, you should wash your hands and say the following: May it be Your wish, G-d our Lord, and G-d of our ancestors, Ruler of mercy: that the same way You have saved me from this great pain and from the dangers of giving birth, so too may Your mercies pour forth to rescue all the daughters of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, the descendants of those who truly loved You, from this danger. As You have saved me now, so do I beg You to show me a sign of favor each time that I give birth, Amen. If you will nurse the baby, you should also say the following prayer after you regain your strength and are able to get out of bed: May it be Your will to provide food for Your servant, this child, with plentiful milk sufficient for his/her needs, and make me aware of the appropriate time to nurse him/her, and make me sleep lightly so that if he/she cries out my ears should hear him/her immediately, and protect me from accidentally rolling over on him/her while I am sleeping. (These three translations appear in the book Sefer Yad L'Yoledet by Rabbi Yisroel Dov Webster, CIS Publishers). Required Blessing: Birkat Ha'Gomel Up until now, all prayers mentioned during pregnancy were optional. This one is very important (it's recited by all people who have been in a life threatening situation). You should recite the following prayer in the presence of a minyan (ten men- or - very interesting- some halachic, [mainstream Orthodox] authorities permit the recitation of this prayer in the presence of ten women. Ask your local Orthodox rabbi if he approves of this idea...) I heard of a rebbetzin who got together a post-birth party to recite this blessing and tell her ten closest friends about the story of her birth. What a wonderful idea! I think I'm going to do that too... Baruch ata Adonay, elohaynu melech haolam, HaGomel l'Chayavim Tovot, Sh'G'malanee kol tov and they respond: Amen, mee sh'g'malcha kol tov, hu yeegmalcha kol tov, sela.

Auspicious Practices (Segulot) for the 9th Month and Birth

JewishMom — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 12:39:35 +0000
Here are some traditional segulot (auspicious practices) for the 9th month and the birth: Immerse in the ritual bath (mikvah), without a blessing. Click here to learn about the mikve experience. Before birth, some women go to the mikvah to cleanse themselves spiritually in order to encourage G-d’s mercy towards them and their baby during the labor. Click here to read tons of inspiring articles on mikve, and to locate the nearest ritual bath to you: http://mikvah.org/default.asp Have your husband open up the ark (aron) containing the Torah scroll in synagogue. In Jewish mysticism, the word used for the womb is the same as the one for the ark that contains the Torah scrolls. Therefore, there is a mystical connection between the opening of the ark, and the opening of the cervix when it is time to give birth. When my second daughter, Hallel, was a week overdue, and the ultrasound was saying that the she was getting very big, the doctor scheduled a Sunday appointment to induce the labor. That Saturday morning, I told my husband to open up the ark, and gave him clear instructions to do so with extra kavana (concentration)! At around 5 PM that day I started getting contractions, and by 8:30 that night I had given birth to my beautiful girl (never made it to the the ritual bath that Saturday night, as I had planned, though!) Make Challot- There are three commandments that are associated especially with women - lighting of Sabbath candles, attendance of the ritual bath, and making and separating challah. All of these commandments are traditionally credited with bringing about “Shalom Bayit” or peace and love between husband and wife. I find that making challah adds to shalom bayit- and makes everyone happy from my three-year-old daughter who helps knead and braid the challot (well, sort of), to my husband and I who get pretty excited as we approach the Friday-night meal knowing that we will soon be eating fresh-baked challah (is there really anything yummier in the whole world??) I also love being able to perform an important commandment as part of my Shabbat cooking- and to feel the blessing it brings to my home. Make sure that you have kosher mezuzot, especially at the entrance to your bedroom- The mezuzot are scrolls with verses from the book of Deuteronomy, and the Torah teaches us to keep them on the entrance of every Jewish home. The rabbis further teach us to post them at the entrance to every room within our homes, and to make certain to keep them in good condition in order that, in the merit of keeping a mezuza, G-d will guard us from harm. There are popular stories of defects in mezuzot that are related to misfortunes. When Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Barak met with crisis after crisis in his ill-fated administration, the headline of Israel’s most popular newspaper announced that the Prime Minister’s office was “checking its mezuzot”! Some families check mezuzot before every Rosh Hashana, when every Jew is judged by G-d. The birth, as well, is traditionally seen as a personal day of judgement for the mother, so it's a good idea to check those mezuzot, and put them up at the entrance to every room of your house if you haven't already. Click below to learn everything you ever wanted to know about mezuzas- including links to purchase online! http://www.aish.com/literacy/mitzvahs/Mezuzah_The_Inside_Story.asp Recite the following verses for an easy birth (from Rabbi Yaakov Kanyevsky). “V'yardu kol avadecha eleh elai v'heeshtachavu lee, lemor tse atah v'kol ha'am asher b'raglecha v'achar ken etseh.” (translation: "And all of these servants of yours will come down to me, and bow down to me, saying 'Go out, and all of the people who are are at your feet!' and only then will I depart.” Exodus 11:8) “V'tomarna ham'yaldot el paro kee lo k'nashim hamitsriyot ha'eevreeyot, kee chayot hena. B'terem tavo aleihen ham'yaldot v'yaladu” (translation: And the midwives said to Pharoah, “The Hebrew women are not like the Egyptian women, for they are lively. Before the midwives come to them, they give birth” Exodus 1:19) "V'hu k'chatan yotse m'chupato, yasees k'geebor laruts orach" (translation: “And he is like a groom coming out from his wedding canopy, rejoicing like a hero who has run the whole way.” Psalms 19:6) Recite Psalms chapter 20. Repeat twelve times, and read Psalms chapter 100 once. Click here for more Psalms to be recited during the birth. Give Charity- Rebbe Nachman, the founder of Breslov Chassidism, taught that giving charity by the birthing woman, or by others on her behalf, dilates the womb during labor. It has to be done with belief in the power of giving, and without hesitation. You should say to yourself, “G-d, please allow this act of giving, of opening, to help open my womb.” More on the power of Charity during birth. Keep a holy book, such as a prayer book, Pentateuch, or Noam Elimelech under your pillow in the hospital. Keep the book wrapped in two towels or other double cover. This book will serve as a tangible reminder of G-d's mercy and strength, and love of the Jewish people, as expressed through the gift of the Holy Torah. You can maintain your calm and sense of faith as the book reminds you that G-d loves you and that everything will turn out for the best. After the Birth The Lubavitcher Rebbe taught that right after the birth the parents should show the newborn baby Hebrew letters. The Rebbe explained: “It is true that the child was just born, and cannot yet distinguish between light and dark or between sweet and bitter. Nevertheless, since the child has already come into the world and possesses eyes with which to see the world, we should see to it that the first thing the child sees is the letters of the Hebrew alphabet, from whose combinations all of creation has come into being.”

Birth and Breslov

JewishMom — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 12:42:40 +0000
Birth and Breslov: Living Rebbe Nachman's Teachings (Reprinted from Expecting Miracles: Finding Meaning and Spirituality in Pregnancy through Judaism) Read how the teachings of the founder of Breslov Chassidism, Rabbi Nachman of Breslov (1772-1810), have enriched Yehudis Golshevsky's birthing experiences: Yehudis Golshevsky would be happy to hear from you with questions and comments at yehudisg@013.net Preparations for the Birth: Personal Experiences As a woman who has been through several pregnancies and births, I find myself in agreement with the conventional wisdom of childbirth preparation. Prenatal healthcare, a proper diet, stress reduction, and exercise are of course all excellent guidelines. The preparations that Breslov teachings suggest, however, go much deeper than that, and they compel us to delve more deeply into ourselves. They help us become more attuned to the spiritual and supra-personal nature of birth—in other words, how childbirth affects and reflects our own spiritual growth, and its significance as a living universal metaphor. One could say, then, that birthing in a way consistent with Rebbe Nachman's teachings might mean spending time during pregnancy actively studying his lessons that relate to birth. They provide a focus for our prayer during pregnancy, and can later become the wellspring of insights we draw upon during birth. Between contractions, during contractions, the mental images that arise from those teachings become the stuff of our birth meditation and visualization. What's more, Rebbe Nachman's teachings provide us with practical guidance—real things to do during birth for the woman, her husband, and her loved ones—that help us through the process and keep us focused on the sacred nature of birth Effect of Our Behavior on Fetus A contemporary leader of Breslov Chassidim has said that pregnant women must bear in mind how their thoughts, emotions, and actions influence the children that they carry.[1] If, as Rebbe Nachman teaches, a nursing mother must think pure thoughts to ensure that the milk she feeds her baby instills a holy and pure nature in her child, certainly a pregnant woman is no different.[2 The fetus is a living part of her, and all that she sees, does, feels, and thinks during pregnancy has an effect on the adult this baby will grow to be. Our emotional states can also have a pronounced effect on the birth itself. Rebbe Nachman teaches that, “Anger makes a woman have a difficult labor.”[3 Since that is the case, working on one's anger is yet another level of childbirth preparation—one that I have found to be the most challenging of all. Charity During Birth Charity Opens the Womb Rebbe Nachman teaches that, “Commandments, good deeds, and all aspects of serving G–d are like birth. Before the birth, how many contractions, how much crying out, does the birthing woman have to go through before she actually gives birth! Particularly, a woman having her first child…it is most difficult for her…for all beginnings are difficult.” This particular lesson then discusses the actions that facilitate this physical opening of the womb as well as the opening of our own hearts and minds to serve G–d at a higher level. “Giving charity is always the beginning as in, ‘You will surely [give] openly to him.'[1] [The Torah's words—“patoach tiftach”—literally mean “you will open an opening.”] For even when an opening and a beginning already exists, giving charity widens the opening even more.”[2] Although Rebbe Nachman stresses here the opening effect that giving charity has when we begin a new spiritual endeavor, we must not lose sight of the fact that he discusses the concept within the metaphorical framework of birth. This means that giving charity during labor has a dilating effect on the womb itself. This giving has to be conscious, however. It has to be done with a deep faith in the power of the giving. If I hold money in my hands, I must make sure to give it freely, with both hands.[3] I have to close my eyes and offer a silent prayer, “Hashem, please allow this act of giving, of opening, to help open my womb.” The mind's knowledge, the hands' giving, and the prayer then converge to awaken a parallel opening within. Even when the birthing woman has moved past the point in her labor where she feels she can actively give, her husband and loved ones can continue to give charity in her merit. Reb Nosson, Rebbe Nachman's closest disciple, clearly states that acts of selfless giving are the main way in which the “closed mem” [sealed–up space] of the womb is transformed into two “dalets” [two doors] that open wide.[4] Interestingly, the Hebrew word for contractions [“tsirim”] is identical to the Hebrew word for “hinges.” This, too, is a possible image for visualization during the birth. With each contraction, the “hinges” of the womb open more and more.[5] Selfless giving, then, is the “key” that can open the doors of the womb. When I told this to a friend (also a mother), she said: “That makes sense. Selfless giving is a lot of what parenting is about too.” The Power of Dancing, Singing, and Clapping during Labor Birth, throughout Chassidic and Kabbalistic sources, is considered a time of “dinim” [judgements] and should be dealt with using the tools that mitigate judgements at other times as well. Some possibilities are dancing, hand–clapping[6], and perhaps most importantly, giving “redemption” money to a Tsaddik [righteous person] with the laboring woman's name so that he will intercede on her behalf in the heavenly courts.[7] During labor, I have felt as though my husband's praying, dancing, and clapping has been a path running sometimes parallel, sometimes flush with and overlapping, my own road to meet the children. I really don't know what the midwives made of the man in black who danced and cried with a Book of Psalms behind the curtain, but I could feel him working in his own way to get those babies out. During the birth of our second child, we sang the songs of the end of the Sabbath together (I was the one singing in an undertone), and finished them just before I went into transition. I do not believe that I had ever, or have ever since, felt their yearning, their beauty and power, as intensely and personally as I did then. Crying Out During Birth “Sometimes, when one's G–dly awareness and the flow of Divine abundance is hidden, as if they were in gestation, then crying out is good for a person. It is good whether the crying out is in prayer or in Torah study…This is like a woman who is too exhausted to finally push the baby out. When she crouches to push, she cries out ‘seventy cries' (the number of words in Psalm Twenty). She then gives birth…Hashem, who knows the hidden matter of where one's G–dly awareness is hidden, hears our cries.”[1] The release of crying out in prayer to G–d during birth is like the crying of the Shechina [Divine Presence] and it awakens G–d's mercy. The child, this completely new revelation of G–dly awareness, is born into the world by virtue of the same crying out that opens the way for all new knowledge of G-d to come into being. “Every Jewish soul is a new revelation, a new element of knowledge of the One Who spoke and created the universe. For this is a general principle, that Hashem never makes the same thing twice…even reincarnated souls do not come back in exactly the same spiritual configuration as they did at first… Every time a new Jewish soul comes into the world, then, an entirely new spiritual intellect comes into being.”[2] If we keep this in mind during birth, then our crying out becomes part of the universal cry of longing to see more clearly, to know G–d more intimately. It expresses our yearning to understand G–d's ways at an entirely new and more complete level. It is an exercise of faith, and strengthens our faith. Faith and Gratitude Rebbe Nachman teaches that one should recite psalm 100 (“Mizmor li'Todah”) for a woman in childbirth. The deep reasoning underlying this piece of advice is too complex to address fully here.[1] At its core, the teaching where we find this advice is about recognizing the difference between product (the result of our efforts) and process (the efforts themselves). It is about looking at all the various ups and downs of our lives, the multiplicity of apparent causes and effects, without losing sight of the Single Source from which they all derive. What many women find most challenging about birth is its demand that we relinquish control and accept that G-d is orchestrating the process. Like life, childbirth is a lesson in accepting our limitations, and shatters the illusion that we control the situations in which we find ourselves. It is as though G-d insists that we learn to let go of our attachment to seeing the results we want, when we want them, and allow Him to guide us through the process of expending pure effort instead. Birth can then become a lens through which we view our own lives more maturely, more honestly. Moreover, when we recite “Mizmor li'Todah” [A Song of Thanks] during labor, we learn to give thanks for the entire journey with all its challenges, regardless of where it takes us. This thanksgiving is the essence of faith. During my last birth, after six hours of “no progress,” I stood at the wall and said so softly that only G–d and I could hear, “Hashem [G-d], You are in this with me. This baby will be born exactly when and how You want it to. I am entrusting myself to Your Hands, and I will be strengthened by relinquishing my control over what is happening here.” Then I went from seven centimeters to full dilation in one very long, very intense, contraction. “The main thing that alleviates difficulty in childbirth is faith. That is why prayer is so crucial, and why we find it customary among Jews to pray for a woman having a difficult birth. Prayer is an aspect of faith.”[2] Kabbalistic and Chassidic texts are full of the image of the Chalal HaPanui [Vacated Space]—the “primordial vacuum” that existed before the Creation. It is the space that left room for Creation to come into being, in which G–d creates the illusion that He is absent. It is from this illusion, this apparent vacuum, that heresy draws its life–force. G–d, however, is indeed in that space, since “there is no place devoid of Him.”[3] The womb is the physical manifestation of that place, and birth becomes the gateway through which we find G–d in all the places where He seems to hide from us. I have found that birth can be the most powerful spiritual experience that there is, because it is the physical reliving of the primal birth of G–dly awareness. It is the birth of the universe, the playing out of the saga of the exile and redemption of the Jewish people. It is the birth of a new world of knowledge of Hashem. “That is why Mizmor li'Todah is particularly effective when said on behalf of a woman who is having a difficult labor. The psalm speaks of faith: ‘Know that Hashem is G–d,' and ends off with, ‘His faith endures from generation to generation.' For faith is mainly renewed and strengthened from generation to generation, by bringing down new souls. Each one is a distinct aspect of new awareness of G–dliness—and that is what can alleviate any difficulty in childbirth.”[4] Reb Nosson's Prayer [5] (A traditional Breslov prayer for a birthing woman) May You be filled with mercy for all the women who are laboring right now, and save them from all pain and harm (especially "woman's name the daughter of mother's name"). Master of the universe, You are always full of great mercy, You know her pain and suffering, You know her heart and the hearts of her parents and all those who are suffering along with her. See their poverty and their travail, see their pain. May Your powerful and hidden mercy be awakened for this poor woman who is on the birthing stool, whose heart is downcast and broken. Open the gates of mercy and lovingkindness for her, the gates of pity and compassion. Open the gates of birth for her, and in Your great mercy, open the “closed mem” of her womb that encloses the fetus, the “mem” that parallels the “mem” [forty] days during which the fetus was formed. In Your great lovingkindness, open this “closed mem” and transform it into two “dalets.” Then, in Your great and true mercy, the doors of this poor laboring woman's womb will open. Help her to give birth immediately, with ease, without any further difficulty. Say to the angel, “Stay your hand!” You who say to Your universe, “Enough!” say “Enough” to her pain! You are full of kindness and do so much good, have pity and mercy. Act with her in accordance with Your great kindness. Open the doors of birth for her immediately, without any further disruption or delay. For she has already suffered so much pain and bitterness, she cannot bear any more. You do kindness that we can understand to be kindness too, grant us an undeserved favor and do not delay her birth any longer. Help her and save her in Your mercy, that the hinges and doors of her womb will open immediately. May she give birth right away, easily, without any more pain at all—rather only with great mercy, pity, and kindness. And may the child emerge into the atmosphere of this world to a good life, to peace, and long and good days and years. Amen. [1] See Likutei Moharan II:2 in its entirety with the commentary of Torat Natan for a more complete treatment of the subject. [2] Torat Natan II:2:11 [3] Sha'arei HaLeshem II:14, “Mishnat Chochmat HaEmet" [4] Torat Natan, ibid [5] Likutei Tefillot I:30, final paragraph [1] Likutei Moharan I:21:7 [2] Likutei Halachot, Hilchot Tefillin 5:31 [1] Devarim 15: [2] Likutei Moharan II:4:2 [3] Sefer HaMiddot, Tzedaka I:27 [4] See the notes following Likutei Tefillot I:30 [5] “Just as a house has hinges…and doors, so too does a woman's body have hinges…doors…and a key.” [Bechorot 45a] [6] Likutei Moharan I:10:6. Dancing and handclapping are expressions of spontaneous joy and egolessness (in the sense that a person who is concerned with how others see her rarely breaks out into the kind of silly dancing that is traditionally Jewish). That state of humility mitigates judgements. Rav Berland has explained that this works because dinim, not unlike conventional subpoenas, are only served to the person to whom they apply. When a person's ego become nullified through dancing, it is as though she no longer exists. Hence, no din. [7] See Likutei Moharan I, lessons 10:1, 180, and 215. [1] Oral teaching heard from Rabbi Eliezer Berland, shlit”a. [2] Likutei Moharan II:1: [3] Sefer HaMiddot, Ka'as 4

A Kabbalistic Birth Meditation

JewishMom — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 12:50:17 +0000
The following is an excerpt from my book Expecting Miracles: During my final weeks of pregnancy, I anxiously collect birth stories. I start to believe that the stories of other women will provide some sort of omen for the birth that lies ahead of me, and I nervously ask everyone from my seventy-year-old neighbor, to my daughter's day-care teacher about the last time she gave birth. This chapter includes interviews that provide a perspective on birth that I never had access to- coming from midwives and Jewish scholars on the steps a woman can take to make her birth a safe and holy one. A Kabbalistic Birth Meditation from Rabbi Yitzchak Ginsburgh The Torah teaches us that when G-d created Adam, He blew a living soul into his nostrils [Vayipach b'apav nishmat chayim], and from this we learn that the soul of a human being is equivalent to one of G-d's breaths. The word chedva, or joy, contains the letters with the numerical values 8 (chet), 4 (dalet), 6 (vuv), 5 (hey). These various values are like the stages in breathing, which are sometimes longer, sometimes shorter. During childbirth, a woman should meditate upon verses which will allow her to breathe with joy, and the tempo of her breathing should relate to the numerical value of the word chedva. The following are five exercises, involving breathing and meditation upon verses that have the same numerical value as the word chedva. 1. These first two verses contain the same number of letters as the numerical value of chedva. Exercise One- Shma Yisrael Step One: A woman should breathe in and say to herself the Hebrew letters of the words Shma Yisrael "shin mem ayn, yud sin reish, aleph, lamed" (shma yisrael, eight letters=the numerical value of the chet of chedva). Step Two: She holds and says to herself "yud kay vuv kay (Havaya, four letters=dalet of chedva)" Step Three: She breathes out and says to herself "aleph lamed kay yud nun vuv (elokaynu, six letters = vuv of chedva). " Step Four: During the rest she should concentrate on "yud kay vav kay” and then say the word "echad" [one] (four plus echad/one = five= the kay of chedva). 2. There is one most significant verse in all of the Bible which has exactly the same number of letters as the numerical value of chedva, as divided into its four letters. This is a verse which in its meaning is particularly appropriate for recitation by women in childbirth. “Yishlach-Ezracha miKodesh, umitzion yisadecha” (He shall send you help from the sanctuary, and strengthen you from Zion (Psalms 20:3) This is the best possible verse in the whole Bible to think of during birth. The words of the verse relate directly to the Divine Aspects which appear in the Name Havaya, as well as in the stages of breathing. Once again, the woman in childbirth can use this exercise by spelling out the Hebrew words in the verse. Exercise Two Step One: She inhales and says to herself “yud shin lamed chet ayn zayin resh chaf” (“Yishlach Ezracha,” eight letters=chet of chedva) Step Two: She holds and says to herself “mem kuf dalet shin” (“Mikodesh”, four letters=dalet of chedva) Step Three: She exhales and says to herself “vuv mem tzadi yud vuv nun” (“Umitzion”, six letters= vuv of chedva ) Step Four: She rests and says to herself “yud samech ayn dalet chaf” (“Yisadcha”, five letters=kay of chedva). 3. The following verse relates to chedva because it contains 23 words which is the same as the total numerical value of chedva. This is the verse in which G-d relates to Moses His thirteen aspects of mercy, and is a way for a woman to channel upon herself G-d's aspects of mercy during the birth. Exercise Three Step One: (chet) The woman inhales and says to herself “V'yaavor Havaya al-panav vayikra Havaya Havaya E-l” Step Two: (dalet) She holds and say to herself “Rachum v'Chanun Erech Apayim” Step Three: (vav) She exhales and say to herself “v'Rav Chesed v'Emet, Notzer Chesed La'alafim” Step Four: (kay) She rests and says to herself “Nose Avon vaPesha v'Chata'ah v'Nakay” 4. There are four Biblical verses, which relate in their content to thoughts one should have during the different stages of breathing. These verses also have the same amount of words as the numerical value of chedva. Exercise Four Step One: The woman inhales and says to herself: “Ki karov alecha hadavar meod baficha ub'levavcha laasoto” [“The thing is very close to you, in your mouth, and in your heart, so that you may do it.” (Deuteronomy 30:14)] Step Two: The woman holds and says to herself : “Shiviti Hashem Lanegdi Tamid” [G-d will be in my thoughts always (Psalms 16:8) Step Three: The woman exhales and says to herself: “Shema Yisrael Hashem Elokaynu Hashem Echad” [Hear O Israel, the L-rd our G-d, the L-rd is One (Deuteronomy 6:4)]. Step Four: The woman rests and says to herself: “Kol haNeshama Tehalel Kah, Haleluka” [Every soul will praise you, Halleluya]. 5. Rabbi Ginsburgh prefaced the following exercise with the words “I saved the best one for last.” This verse appears in the Maase Merkava [the Account of the Chariot] at the beginning of the book of Isaiah, which is the basis for much of Jewish mysticism. It contains twenty-three letters, the numerical equivalent of the word “chedva.” This verse is an especially useful one for birthing women because it mentions“chayot hakodesh” [living creatures], which should be the focus of women who want to attain a joyful mindset in birth through becoming a “fixed Chava”, or a “Chaya”. In other words, women can become “Chayot” in the merit of the chedva which these meditations will help them to experience during the birth. “Udmut hachayot marehem k'gachle esh boarot kamareh halapidim hi mithalechet bein hachayot vanoga la'esh umin haesh yotse barak, v'hachayot ratzo v'shov kamare habazak” (Ezekiel 1:13-14) “As for the likeness of the living creatures, their appearance was like coals of fire, burning like the appearance of torches: it moved among the living creatures. And the fire was bright, and out of the fire went forth lightning. And the living creatures ran and returned like the appearance of a flash of lightning”. (Ezekiel 1: 13-14). Exercise Five Step One: The woman inhales and says to herself “Udmut hachayot marehem k'gachle esh boarot k'mare halapidim” [As for the likeness of the living creatures, their appearance was like coals of fire, burning like the appearance of torches]. Step Two: The woman pauses and says to herself “hi mithalechet bein hachayot” [it moved among the living creatures]. Step Three: The woman breathes out and says to herself “vanoga la-esh umin haesh yotze barak” [and the fire was bright, and out of the fire went forth lightning]. Step Four: The woman rests and says to herself “V'hachayot ratzo v'shov kamare habazak” [And the living creatures ran and returned like the appearance of a flash of lightning]. This is an especially appropriate verse to concentrate upon because the Kabbalah explains that the torches represent the Shechina [Holy Presence] moving among the Chayot, which is the word for living creatures as well as women empowered in their own births, enabled through the power of their own joy to give birth with confidence and independence.

Holy C-Sections

JewishMom — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 12:57:25 +0000
For years, I've really wanted to have something on the site about cesarean sections, because there is a misconception among many women that real (i.e. vaginal) births are beautiful, spiritual, and are a necessary rite of passage to become a complete woman- and then, oy, there are c-sections- that are something to be ashamed of, feel like a failure about, and generally spend a week (or months) crying over, not because the stitches hurt so badly, but because you feel like you have failed as a woman, mother, Jewess, and resident of the planet Earth. A lot of women have c-sections- A LOT- and thank G-d, because c-sections are available, countless women and their babies, G-d willing, will be healthy after the birth (not to mention alive- which probably would not have been the case a hundred years ago). If you are pregnant now, there is a decent chance that you will be have a cesarean- and that is why I want to tell you all about Leah Glaser, a mother in my neighborhood who is in her seventh month of pregnancy, and has already set up the appointment for her seventh cesarean, and IS HAPPY ABOUT IT. Leah is the proud mother of 7 children. She grew up in a Reform Jewish home in Connecticut, and graduated from Brandeis with a major in Sociology of Spirituality. What can you do with a major in Sociology of Spirituality, you ask? Well, Leah decided to pursue advanced studies in her college major as a rebbetzin, teacher, and Pinsk-Karliner Chassid in a Yiddish-speaking section of Jerusalem. Now, Leah is one of the most natural people that I know. She's the kind of person that you consult with about the best brand of organic sprouts to buy, or whether soy or almond milk are healthier. So, how is it that a woman who makes whole wheat challah every Shabbos is so into c-sections? This is her story... Twelve years ago, Leah was becoming observant, and at the same time she began thinking about the connection between Torah and living a healthy lifestyle- eating healthy and organic food and using natural-holistic healing in order to have healthier and stronger bodies with which to serve G-d. A few years later, Leah met her husband who, like her, teaches Judaism to beginners (he teaches at the Aish Hatorah Yeshiva) and they decided that G-d's special mission for them was to teach people in the Orthodox community and the newly religious that G-d really wants them to be more natural- in how they eat, heal themselves, and give birth. She and her husband moved into a Chassidic community, and Leah taught a class on natural nutrition to ten of her Yiddish-speaking neighbors- introducing them for the first time to the benefits of eating tofu, sprouts, whole wheat flour etc. And then she got pregnant. Leah was preparing for months to ensure that she would have the most natural birth possible- since she was so worried about the affect of drugs on her and the baby. She took baths every night with rosemary oil, and drank liters and liters of raspberry tea. She did not take notes when her birthing class teacher discussed painkillers or c-sections- since she was sure that section of the class didn't apply to her. Her waters broke one Saturday night during a melave malka meal, and she went with her private midwife, labor coach, and husband to the birthing center. It was a very difficult labor, and after fifty hours, the midwife walked in, and could tell from Leah's contractions that she was going through transition (the part of labor right before the birth)- but when she measured her, Leah was still only three centimeters. The midwife started crying, and left the room. In the end, the baby was in distress, and the doctor decided on a cesarean. To say that Leah was disappointed would be the understatement of the century. She was depressed, traumatized, angry, and crushed. How could G-d have let her down? She had done everything possible to ensure that she would have a positive, beautiful birth- an opportunity to bond with her husband as well as to provide a personal example for other religious mothers that drug-free, natural births are possible and better for the mother and the baby. She had just wanted to do G-d's will by being as healthy as possible, not wanting to use any drugs that she feared would hurt the baby, and G-d had rewarded her for her desire to serve Him with a c-section? For six weeks she was in a state of shock, and could barely function. A good friend carried her baby around in a sling, since she was too exhausted and devastated to take care of the baby outside of nursing her. When friends visited, she tried to put up a good front, saying, "I'm sure G-d runs the world," and "Everything's for the best," but she felt like she was just mouthing cliches. And then there were two more births. Two more times her waters broke during the melave malka meal on Saturday night. Two more times she dilated to three centimeters after hours and hours of hard labor, followed by two more c-sections. The doctors could not figure out any reason why she could not dilate- the babies were not too big, she did not have any psychological or emotional blocks to explain it. All that Leah could figure out was that G-d was trying to tell her something- but she didn't know what. Leah explains that it was at this point that, "Having the carpet ripped out from under us turned into a springboard for huge growth. It enabled my husband and me to become who we are today." This growth came about through the gradual and simple revelation that she had been assuming that her will was the same as G-ds' will. She had thought that what G-d wanted from her was to eat organic, drink raspberry tea, take homeopathy, and get Shiatsu pregnancy massages so that she would have beautiful intervention-free births. What she realized is that what G-d really wants from her is to make efforts according to the natural world to live a healthy, natural life, but to let go of the results. Or as Leah puts it,"We're responsible for making the effort; G-d is responsible for the outcome." Today, Leah continues to exercise, eat healthy, and drinks her pregnancy tea. She also schedules the appointment for her cesarean sections. But even this she does with a continued openness to G-d's ultimate will. She still thinks it's possible that G-d will surprise her, and she'll go into labor and give birth naturally before the doctor can operate. To Leah, it no longer matters. What' s important, and what actually makes being alive and serving G-d beautiful, is going about her life and watching G-d reveal the Divine will, which is so much more colorful and complex than anything Leah could have thought up. She has learned to want what G-d gives her, which, as strange as it may seem, is c-section after c-section. To this day, Leah can't explain on a rational level why G-d wants her to go through a c-section each time she has a baby- having to send her children to neighbors' houses in the weeks following the birth, and not being able to have students over during the long weeks of recovery. But she has come to accept that G-d's understanding is infinitely bigger and greater than a mere human being's understanding of what is rational, logical, and good. G-d does what G-d wants, so even though sometimes we look at the world and it looks as messed up as the bottom side of the carpet, G-d only sees the incredible, beautiful, intricate pattern on the top side. Leah today believes that while at this point in her life she can't see the pattern, that's OK with her. Just giving herself over to play the role that G-d wants her to in His universe is what being a Jew is really about. She, in her limited understanding had wanted to serve G-d by teaching her neighbors about the virtues of natural childbirth, and in the end, G-d wants her to serve Him by scheduling her c-sections with the doctor, and resting afterwards in order to recuperate. Leah compares her service of G-d to that of a worker in a factory. The factory owner likes it when his worker shows initiative, and comes up with his own ideas to improve the factory- just like Leah did when she tried to introduce healthy living to the Orthodox world. But if the worker's suggestion hurts the interests of the factory as a whole, then the owner will reject the worker's suggestions, even if the worker cannot understand the reason his suggestion has been rejected while standing at his spot next to the conveyer belt on the factory floor. Leah sees herself as a modern day Isaac, who demonstrates her willingness to sacrifice her own ego and give herself over to G-d's will by offering herself up on the operating table once every few years. The cesareans also make it easier for her to relate to the traditional Jewish idea that parents are just caretakers of their children- that these little souls really belong to G-d, and not to them- since she does not give birth to her children in a certain sense- they just appear with no effort on her own part. Thanks to Leah for sharing her inspirational story with all of the pregnant ladies who come to visit Jewish Pregnancy/Childbirth Online- and may G-d bless her with much happiness, health, and a very easy recovery from her next birth.

3 Earth-Shaking Birth Stories

JewishMom — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 13:01:48 +0000
(Taken from interviews with religious mothers in Jerusalem that appear in Expecting Miracles: Finding Meaning and Spirituality in Pregnancy through Judaism) The Privilege and the Lesson in Giving Birth Aviva is an English-born 38-year-old mother who was expecting her fifth child at the time of this interview. I prefer giving birth at home or in a more natural setting at a birthing center. I always try to stay home as long as possible. I took a labor coach for the last two births, and it was amazing. I like the support of another woman being with me, in addition to the midwife. I just found labor the most incredible, incredible experience. I'm really looking forward to this birth, but I'm scared of the pain. I hate pain- I scream, I'm not like a big tsadika [righteous woman] who just whimpers. I had a labor coach who helped me with the meditation on G-d's name. [concentrating on the letters that make up G-d's Hebrew name- Yud, Heh, Vuv, Heh] There's just nothing like labor, there's nothing like the pain, and the anticipation. It's like the pain of excitement. It's so real, you can't pretend to be a good little girl, you're screaming and crying and you have to be very real. And I like that it forces me to work with my body. We get so caught up in life, and lose touch with our bodies, and in birth the body just takes over. You can't control your emotions in the contraction. It's a very spiritual experience, but also a very physical, animal experience. If you can meditate on Hashem's name I think it does elevate the birth beyond this world. I think it's the ultimate female experience. And knowing that you're enduring incredible pain for the good, I enjoy that lesson. It makes us remember that often to get something good we have to go through pain on the way. That's why I wouldn't get an epidural, because I think it's important to experience the pain. That's how women have been able to endure the pain of the galut [the Exile]. The Kabbalah calls the birth of a baby the "geula" [redemption], and as we get closer to the geula the labor pains are more intense, with the Shoah [Holocaust] for example. Women have always been the ones to endure the worst of the Exile, to carry through and be the strong ones. It might sound stupid, but I attribute this to women's enduring the pain of labor, that we know that the best in life comes through enduring terrible pain and going through mesirut nefesh [self-sacrifice]. Somehow we're able to endure pain and hardships which I don't think men would be able to, since we have this incredible privilege of experiencing the birth of a child. That's why I wouldn't want to have an epidural, because of the relief afterwards. I'm always exhausted, but I'm on such a high. I'm on an absolute high afterwards. I think it's important to have a woman there with you, a labor coach, not a professional, but someone who can work with you. My husband has come with me in the past and davens [prays], but I think that with this baby, I'd be just as happy if he would stay at home and daven here. I don't think birth is for men. I think that birth is a women's experience. My husband's a doctor himself, and I remember once he came and saw me with the labor coach and the midwife, and he just stood at a distance and looked on in awe at how this was women's work. So I told him that for the next one he should stay home and daven and watch the children, since I really feel like this is a women's thing, and this is our privilege, to bring children into the world. But that's me, a lot of women get a tremendous amount of chizuk [lit. "Strengthening"/ moral support] from their husbands. That's wonderful, but I don't. And then afterwards I'm on such a high. Just to smell a new baby, and to nurse her. I love it, I love it! The first two years with the baby I feel is like a honeymoon. Even though I'm tired, my problems are more dealing with other members of the family. But with the baby, for the first two years, it's just amazing. Meaningful Screams The following is from an interview with Nili, an Israeli-born 28-year-old mother of three boys. (translated from Hebrew) The high point of my pregnancies was always the birth, since I was always working during the pregnancies and wasn't able to focus on being pregnant so much. Thank G-d, I had easy births. I remember the births as a real pleasure [ta'anug], not that they weren't painful, but I really experienced them as a good thing. They say that a woman has to bring a sin offering after she gives birth, since with each birth she is breaking the vow she made during the previous birth never to become pregnant again. But I wasn't like that. After the births I always say to the midwife "See you again next year!" The first two births, I was under the influence of Demerol. The last birth I was completely aware for the first time, and the birth was so quick, only an hour. I was so happy after that birth, to have experienced it so fully. I cannot say that I enjoyed the pain, but I can tell you something that I learned from another woman- that the screams of a woman in labor are very meaningful. So the first birth, I yelled the verse from Psalms, "Pitchu li Shaarei Tsedek" [Open up for me the Gates of Righteousness] during each contraction. I don't know why, maybe because we were at Shaarei Tsedek Hospital, maybe because I thought of birth as a time of gates opening up. That verse just seemed to have the right connotation for what I was feeling. For the next births, I said to my husband "Why are we just yelling these words? There are so many people who really need us to scream for them." So then, before each birth, we would prepare a list of everyone we knew who needed help, and each contraction my husband would read me a name, and I would yell it. We told the nurses that if they had names they should give them to us to say. Baruch Hashem (thank G-d), I felt as though it really worked, even though I can't say that it solved the problems of everyone on the list, but I certainly felt that it justified the pain of the labor. I thought if it is anyway going to hurt during the labor, and I'm going to yell, then I should at least yell for things which we really need. It's not that the pain is less, but at least you feel that there is a purpose to the pain, that you can scream out for a friend who isn't married, or a couple without children. What was interesting is that one of the people I yelled for was the father of a friend who was very sick and suffering, and at the same time we were yelling for him, he passed away at the same hospital a few floors down from where we were. I felt as though maybe we had helped him to die, to end his suffering. Experiencing the last birth without drugs made me feel happy and proud. With Yonatan, when I felt that sensation like hot water coming out of me when he was coming out, I knew there is no physical sensation in the world that is more wonderful than that, when the amniotic fluid comes out of you with the birth. The Inner Essence of the Torah and Giving Birth The following American-born rabbanit is a highly-respected teacher in Jerusalem seminaries for women, and a mother of over a dozen children, and many grandchildren. When you're learning Torah, or involved in tefila [prayer] or a mitzvah, you are coming close to the tachlit [goal] of coming close to being with Hashem [G-d]. But in the birth itself, Hashem is right there- you don't need to search. You're not even caught up in yourself, which is what keeps us from doing all of the mitzvot the way we should, since we're still thinking about how we're doing it and if I'm doing it right or if someone else thinks I'm doing it OK. But when you're in a birth, you're not involved in the physical or spiritual niceties of how you're doing this mitzvah. You are completely involved in the birth itself. You are fully concentrating on the hope that the birth should go well. Every woman feels that, and you don't have to be on a high level. This is the most important thing in the world that has to be done right now and you're going to do it. After the birth, and at all other times, you're striving for that same place. But it's never as powerful as it is in the moment of birth. But when you know that moment, you can carry it with you for your whole life. This is what I'm teaching my friends now. We're already middle-aged, but once you know that place and Hashem has taken you to that different place, then you can take that moment of birth to other experiences. But you first must know that moment. And then you can approach prayer and the Torah and mitzvot with the same intensity. I had a great zechut [merit], that I never used any drugs during my births. I think that most of my pregnancies and births were pretty regular even though on the books some were more difficult and some were less. I can go through a description of each one of them. I'm grateful for all the experiences that I went through. In other words, I wouldn't trade in one moment of even any of the longer, painful births. That's the difference of before and after! Now I can feel the sweetness of every moment of those difficult births. I can taste what it will be like in the future when Hashem will show us and explain to us all of the tsarot [troubles] of the Jewish people, of all the exiles. And this is because I can now say that if I were given the choice again, I would still go through every birth naturally and not use anything. Because now, after the fact, I'm grateful for every moment, even every painful moment that there was. A lot of times, even in the pregnancy or the labor I would connect with the birth of the Jewish people and the birth of Moshiach. The words in Hebrew are all the same, you can't not connect between them. Chevlai Mashiach [the birthpangs of the Messiah] is Chevlai laida [pain of childbirth]. They're all the same words. Birthpangs and the time leading up to the Messianic era are amazingly the same. And this feeling during the transition where you feel like the birth will never end. It's just this point in the birth when you can't handle it. You don't know where to go with the pain. And it seems like it will never end. And that's the state of Jewish people. We've been in a state of transition for a very long time. When transition ends, you have this knowledge that the birth will take place. It should be soon now. This is a teaching also of the Baal Shem Tov, that everything that happens to a person in his lifetime can teach him about the state of the Shechina [Divine Presence], or the state of the Jewish people. It's a simple and powerful teaching. Everything that happens to a person, at all levels, is coming from Hashem, and it's meant to teach him or her about what's happening with the state of the Divine Presence. It's true for simpler situations, but the birth is a very clear description of what's going on with the Jewish people and the Divine Presence. It's very powerful.

Mazal Tov! Inspiration for New Parents

JewishMom — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 13:07:56 +0000
Thank Heaven for LITLE GIRLS!! by Rabbi Shraga Simmons My Story of a Special Bris (Circumcision) Circumcision: Beautiful or Barbaric? by Rabbi Shraga Simmons (A MUST-READ ARTICLE!) Holy Teachings on Parenting by Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach Mazal tov! and Baby-Naming Links My Favorite 9 Fantastic Resources for Jewish Moms Raising Yehuda: When a Baby Has Down's Syndrome by Rabbi Nechemia Coopersmith The Task at Hand: How a Busy Mother Serves God by Debbie Shapiro

It's a Girl! by Rabbi Shraga Simmons

JewishMom — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 13:11:17 +0000
Thank Heaven for little girls. A guide to celebrating the newborn. Parents of a new baby girl are filled with joy and are looking for a way to concretize that ceremonially. When a Jewish boy is born, there's a Shalom Zachar, a Bris and sometimes even a Pidyon Ha'Ben. There's lots of guests, a festive meal, and often a photographer and videographer. But what do we do for a baby girl?! To answer this question, let's look at a Torah which says that Abraham was blessed with "everything" (Genesis 24:1). The Talmud explains that this "big blessing" refers to a baby girl (Baba Batra 16b). Why is a baby girl singled out for this great praise, "everything?" With the blessing of a baby daughter comes a realization of the fullness of life. The song says: "thank heaven for little girls." The Jewish people have always thanked heaven for Jewish women, because our survival as a nation has been primarily because of Jewish women. -The biblical matriarchs guided the Jewish people through nation-building and familial challenges. -During the slavery in Egypt, the women kept their faith and continued having children, despite the bleak outlook for redemption. -During the years of wandering in the desert, the women refused to participate in the Golden Calf and the sin of the spies. -The heroine of Purim was Esther, and the heroine of Chanukah was Yehudit. At every crucial juncture in Jewish history, women have come to the forefront, steering the Jewish people in the right direction. Beyond this, Jewishness is passed on via the mother. If the mother is Jewish, the child is 100 percent Jewish. Jewish identity passed through the mother has been universally accepted by Jews for 3,000 years, and was decided by God, as recorded in Deut. 7:3-4. The Talmud (Kiddushin 68b) explains how this law is evident from those passages. From the fact that Jewishness goes by the mother, we see that the woman is entrusted with the awesome duty of instilling faith in God, observance of mitzvot, and Jewish pride. Metaphorically, the mother gives the baby food and love that brings out it's internal potential. Celebrating the birth of a Jewish daughter is therefore a celebration of Jewish survival, of Jewish values, and of Jewish destiny. "HOW-TO" The naming of a Jewish daughter is a most profound spiritual moment. The naming ceremony is linked to the public reading of the Torah. During the Torah reading, a special "Mi Sheberach" blessing is said. The blessing begins with a prayer for the mother's health. It continues with the giving of the baby's name -- and a prayer that this new Jewish daughter should grow to be a wise and understanding Jewish woman of goodness and greatness. The baby naming is traditionally followed by a "kiddush" in honor of the baby girl, where friends and relatives gather to share good food, speak words of Torah, and share the family's profound joy. With thanks to Rabbi Mitch Mandel Author Biography: Rabbi Shraga Simmons spent his childhood trekking through snow in Buffalo, New York. He has worked in the fields of journalism and public relations, and is now the Co-editor of Aish.com in Jerusalem. This Article was reprinted with permission from Aish.com, a leading Judaism website

Circumcision: Beautiful or Barbaric? by Rabbi Shraga Simmons

JewishMom — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 13:16:37 +0000
Is circumcision a barbaric ritual that harms a child physically? Or is it a deep meaningful act that has both spiritual and medical benefits? These days, the internet is filled with bulletin board discussions entitled "To circumcise or not?" Many will voice the opinion that circumcision (Bris Milah) is a cruel, barbaric procedure that can traumatize the baby. Some go so far as to claim that a Bris decreases future tolerance to pain, increases the risk of infection, has long term psychological affects, decreases sexual arousal, etc. In Europe today, "human rights" groups have mounted a grass roots campaign opposing circumcision, comparing it to the brutal mutilation of African women. The Netherlands Institute of Human Rights wants to outlaw Bris Milah. And an article published in the prestigious British Medical Journal (April 2000), written by obstetricians, gynecologists, and midwives from hospitals in France, claimed: "The [African] women we interviewed considered their daughters' mutilation and their sons' circumcision to be similar. Male circumcision is also a form of genital mutilation since it involves removing a healthy part of an organ. How can we convince mothers that they should not mutilate their daughters while they could continue to have their sons circumcised?" A group of Israelis petitioned the Israeli Supreme Court to outlaw circumcision on the grounds that it is criminal assault. Shockingly, this campaign even has adherents in Israel. In February 1998, a group of Israelis petitioned the Israeli Supreme Court to outlaw circumcision on the grounds that it is criminal assault. A joke? No. Case number 5780/98 is a real case, and the court has already held hearings. Avshalom Zoossmann-Diskin, Executive Director of the Israeli Association Against Genital Mutilation in Tel Aviv, says that a campaign is urgently needed to end Bris Milah. "Why are they discriminating against me as victim of Jewish male genital mutilation?" he decries. "Are my human rights, bodily integrity and suffering less important than those of African girls?" JEWISH REASONS The truth is, there is no "logical" argument for cutting a piece of flesh off a helpless baby. Yet circumcision has been practiced on Jewish males for close to 4,000 years, ever since Abraham was so commanded by God. Why does the foreskin need to be removed? In Kabbalistic terms, the foreskin symbolizes a barrier which prevents growth. For example, when the Torah speaks about getting close to God, it calls upon us to "remove the Orlah, the foreskin of your heart" (Deut. 10:16). Nowhere does a person have more potential for expressing "barbaric" behavior than in the sex drive. When Abraham circumcised himself at age 99, God added the letter "heh" to his name. "Heh" is part of God's own name, signifying that through Bris Milah, the human being adds a dimension of spirituality to the physical body. It is a foundation of Judaism that we are to control our animal desires and direct them into spiritual pursuits. Nowhere does a person have more potential for expressing "barbaric" behavior than in the sex drive. That's why the Bris is done on this specific organ. If we bring holiness into our life there, then all other areas will follow. IDENTIFYING THE JEW Another aspect of circumcision is that it is integral to Jewish identity. This point was made quite powerfully by a movie called "Europa Europa," It is the true story about a young Jewish boy trying to escape detection by the Nazis. The boy resembles an Aryan and speaks German fluently, so he poses as a non-Jew and is eventually recruited into an elite training program for the next generation of SS officers. This boy was on his way to a fully non-Jewish life, except for one thing: His circumcision. He couldn't hide it. And that is what kept him Jewish throughout the entire ordeal. Bris is the sign of the covenant. So a boy who is not circumcised has basically lost his spiritual attachment to the Jewish people. The man survived the war, and made a new life for himself in Israel. Instead, he may have ended up becoming a Nazi officer. It all depended on the Bris. MEDICAL DATA It is a principle of Jewish life that our decision to perform mitzvot is not based on the "practical benefit." At the same time, the mitzvot frequently have positive observable effects in our everyday life. Regarding the medical issues, Rabbi Yonason Binyomin Goldberger writes in "Sanctity and Science": As an operation, circumcision has an extremely small complication rate. A study in the New England Journal of Medicine (1990) reported a complication rate of 0.19 percent when circumcision is performed by a physician. When performed by a trained mohel, the rate falls to 0.13 percent or about 1 in 1000. When a complication occurs, it is usually excessive bleeding, which is easily correctable. No other surgical procedure can boast such figures for complication-free operations. One study showed that by the eighth day, prothrombin levels reach 110 percent of normal. One reason why there are so few complications involving bleeding may be that the major clotting agents, prothrombin and vitamin K, do not reach peak levels in the blood until the eighth day of life. Prothrombin levels are normal at birth, drop to very low levels in the next few days, and return to normal at the end of the first week. One study showed that by the eighth day, prothrombin levels reach 110 percent of normal. In the words of Dr. Armand J. Quick, author of several works on the control of bleeding, "It hardly seems accidental that the rite of circumcision was postponed until the eighth day by the Mosaic law." Furthermore, circumcision has been known to offer virtually complete protection from penile cancer. According to a recent review article in the New England Journal of Medicine, none of the over 1,600 persons studied with this cancer had been circumcised in infancy. In the words of researchers Cochen and McCurdy, the incidence of penile cancer in the U.S. is "essentially zero" among circumcised men. The incidence of penile cancer in the U.S. is "essentially zero" among circumcised men. Also, research at Johns Hopkins University Medical School in Baltimore have shown that circumcised men are six to eight times less likely to become infected with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. Researchers believe that protection is due to the removal of the foreskin, which contains cells that have HIV receptors which scientists suspect are the primary entry point for the HIV virus. (Reuters, March 25, 2004) Several studies reported that circumcised boys were between 10-to-39 times less likely to develop urinary tract infections during infancy than uncircumcised boys. In addition, circumcision protects against bacterial, fungal, and parasitic infections and a variety of other conditions related to hygiene. The extremely low rate of cervical cancer in Jewish women (nine-to-22 times less than among non-Jewish women) is thought to be related to the practice of circumcision. As a result of studies like these, a number of prestigious medical organizations have recognized the benefits of circumcision, and the California Medical Association has endorsed circumcision as an "effective public health measure." BRIS IN THE HOLOCAUST Bris has been the hallmark of Jewish identification for millennia. The following powerful story appears in "Hassidic Tales of the Holocaust" by Yaffa Eliach: One of the forced laborers in the camps relates that one day he heard frightening cries of anguish the likes of which he had never heard before. Later he learned that on that very day a selection had been made -- of infants to be sent to the ovens. We continued working, tears rolling down our faces, and suddenly I hear the voice of a Jewish woman: "Give me a knife." I thought she wanted to take her own life. I said to her, "Why are you hurrying so quickly to the world of truth..." All of a sudden the German soldier called out, "Dog, what did you say to the woman?" "She requested a pocketknife and I explained to her that it was prohibited to commit suicide." The woman took the pocketknife, pronounced the blessing -- and circumcised the child. The woman looked at the German with inflamed eyes, and stared spellbound at his coat pocket where she saw the shape of his pocketknife. "Give it to me," she requested. She bent down and picked up a package of old rags. Hidden among them, on a pillow as white as snow, lay a tender infant. The woman took the pocketknife, pronounced the blessing -- and circumcised the child. "Master of the Universe," she cried, "You gave me a healthy child, I return him to You a worthy Jew."

Mazal tov! and Baby-Naming Links

JewishMom — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 13:27:12 +0000
Mazal tov! and Baby-Naming Links www.Aish.com: Everything you need to know about a Jewish Newborn!- Just got back from the hospital with your cutey-pie former-fetus in your arms? Put down your bag and your baby and make a bee-line for Aish.com RIGHT NOW! Aish.com has put together an amazing collection of articles on everything you need to know about your newborn. SCROLL DOWN to see fantastic and eye-opening articles on giving a Jewish name, circumcision, celebrations for baby girls, pidyon ha ben, and lists of boys and girls names. Jewish pregnant women of the world salute Aish.com for putting together such a comprehensive resource for expecting Jewish couples!! Circumcision.net- For the bris-fully ignorant: everything you ever wanted to know about circumcision all in one amazing site! If you've had a baby boy, you must see this site! ImaMother.com- Amazing Resource! A wide array of very active discussion forums for Orthodox mothers and mothers-to-be on tons of different topics from pregnancy to parenting teenagers to mothers' favorite Shabbat recipes. VERY HIGHLY RECOMMENDED! (Sorry, this site is restricted to Orthodox mothers...) The Abandoned Baby Syndrome: Who is Loving our Children? Dr. Miriam Adahan on the crucial importance of the first few months of mother-baby bonding. Choosing a Jewish Name Links A word of caution: Please be very careful when looking around the web in search of Jewish baby names! There are tons of sites out there with made-up and patently ridiculous Hebrew names, as well as false and patently ridiculous definitions for names! The sites listed below are excellent and reliable. If you have a question about a particular name, please contact me, and I'd be happy to help you out! HebrewBabyNames.com- I used to have a few sites listed here, but I have deleted them all, and left the only link you need. I have been waiting for this site for YEARS! A totally comprehensive, fantastic, Hebrew name site which has taken all the names from the top Hebrew name books- and put them on line for the benefit of all the confused Jewish parents searching and searching for the right name for their kiddies-to-be. All of the Jewish Pregnant women in the universe should salute Sara Leah of Washington State, USA- the creator of this unbelievable site. The Art of Baby Naming- How should you choose a name for your baby?

Infertility & Loss: Finding Comfort at Times of Loss and Infertility

JewishMom — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 10:36:19 +0000
Infertility and Loss Links Strength and Hope following Miscarriage and Stillbirth: One Mother's Journey In Joy I Reap- One Infertile Couple's Journey to Parenthood The Miraculous Lubavitch Quintuplets

JewishMom — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 10:37:06 +0000

Jewish Pregnancy/Birth Bookshelf

JewishMom — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 11:07:29 +0000
When I'm pregnant, the only subjects I really want to hear, think, or talk about are pregnancy, birth, and babies. And the only books I really want to read are books about... you guessed it! Here are my favorites. I'd love to hear about other books. Please write me if you have suggestions. I also wanted to tell you my personal prescription for a better birth. Before every birth, I reread the books Labor of Love by Rachel Broncher, The Jewish Woman's Guide to Childbirth by Aviva Rappaport, and Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin. This is a winning trio!!! I will not give birth without reviewing these books! Find out why below... A Jewish Woman's Guide to Childbirth by Aviva Rappaport This is my favorite Jewish birth book. I was hooked after I read this line in the preface: "Over the years of raising a family, I found that while I remained enthusiastic about childbirth, [even] looking forward to the experience, most women definitely did not feel the same way. I wondered why. Was I just lucky?...Or was there something many women were missing." Any woman who manages to look forward to childbirth (instead of dreading it from the moment she gets the results to her pregnancy test- as I do) is a woman whose book I want to read. This book teaches readers with wonderful personal stories and a lot of warmth and common sense about how to make pregnancy and birth physically better by focusing on them as powerful spiritual events. My favorite story in the book is about a Chassidic grandmother who has attended enough births to sense the birth's arrival with more accuracy than the midwives. After visiting her laboring daughter, she went into the corridor to tell the staff, "She'll have the baby soon." The nurse asked her, "How do you know? We didn't check her yet." The grandmother answered, "Her face is glowing," and, of course, the baby was born within minutes. The author explains that every mother who is about to push out a baby has a special radiant glow- coming from the unique spiritual connection that a woman experiences at the moment of birth. The author also provides lots of practical advice about how to prepare for the birth. I have read A LOT of pregnancy books, and I still learned lots of things I had never heard- about helpful herbs, great advice on how to create a good rapport with the delivery room staff, and recommended food lists that dare to mention Best Odds no no's such as cheesecake and chocolate bars...way to go! Collections of Women's Prayers Just tonight I was at a class at our synagogue, and a very pregnant woman was sitting next to me. She was shifting in her seat that was not-so-suited for her pregnant proportions, and rubbing her belly full of bouncing baby, and clearly needed to get up and focus on herself and her soon-to-be-baby and not on whatever the lecturer was saying. I loved seeing that, since I could so relate to it. Since the concerns of mothers often differ from the concerns of other human beings, a few centuries ago European women started writing their own prayers about the subjects they really care about- their kids, their husbands, the Jewish people, (and of course) themselves. I love these prayers- and sometimes I say a few before I go to bed at night just to make myself feel better. To learn more about these prayers, and to see a few examples, click here. I recommend this book, Joyful Mother of Children : A Compilation of Prayers, Suggestions and Laws for the Jewish Expectant Family by Dovid Simcha Rosenthal and also Tefilas Chana: A Collection of Prayers for the Jewish Woman Nine Wonderful Months--B'Sha'ah Tovah: The Jewish Woman's Clinical & Halachic Guide by Rabbi Baruch and Michal Finkelstein This book discusses the medical aspects of pregnancy and childbirth, and also provides an introduction to Jewish issues- such as naming the baby, blessings to say after the birth, and a few inspirational chapters on pregnancy and childbirth in Jewish thought. Labor of Love by Rachel Broncher I HIGHLY recommend the book Labor of Love by Rachel Broncher . Most midwives will tell you that the most important factor in determining whether a woman's birth will be a good experience for her or not is HER ATTITUDE. Does she come to the birth with a sense of humor? A sense of perspective? A sense of the incomparable gift that awaits her at the end of all of this blood, sweat, and tears? I was due to give birth YESTERDAY, and I must confess that I am struggling with a fairly rotten attitude towards birth at the moment. I am scared and worried and pretty nervous about just how this huge baby is going to get from my "Are-You-Having-Twins?" belly to my arms that are already itching for a baby. BUT I'M WORKING ON IT!!!! I have been re-reading Labor of Love, which is required reading for any women who are struggling to become a bit less worried and a lot more confident and joyful as they approach the birth. Special Delivery: Jewish Birth Stories of Faith and Inspiration by Sarah Goldstein Feldheim says about this book: "Thousands of women give birth every day, and yet no two births are alike. In this special book, women describe their beautiful birth experiences, imparting their personal joy and warmth for us to share in. The uplifting tone of the book, as well as the courage, strength, and faith of the women whose stories are featured make this a truly heart-warming read. From a birth on the Williamsburg Bridge to the wonderful surprise of twins, to an extraordinarily powerful tale of a birth in Auschwitz, these true-life stories testify to the beauty of birth when coupled with faith in G-d and loving support." Spiritual Midwifery If you're still worrying about the birth after reading these books, you might want to hit yourself over the head with the ecstatic/psychedelic hippy birth experiences described in Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin. This book is pretty weird and probably not so kosher, but it is very likely to make you look forward to the birth a bit more. This book contains mostly interviews with women who gave birth at "the farm"- a hippy commune where the women had tons of babies, and taught themselves to be midwives so that they could give birth at home. These women love giving birth- they are even laughing through the contractions. I couldn't stop staring at the photograph of a birthing woman who looks as though she's never had more fun in her life! As I said before (in another review) - if they are enjoying birth so much, then that is a book I want to read and learn from. I make sure to read this over before every birth, in order to psyche myself up about the Big Event!

Ask the Rabbi: Fasting on Yom Kippur During Pregnancy

JewishMom — Sun, 06 Feb 2011 10:26:34 +0000
This was a question sent to me by a pregnant JewishMOM before Yom Kippur... Dear Rabbi, The famous question. What about fasting? By the time Yom Kippur rolls around, God Willing, I will be 10 weeks pregnant. I know about breaking the fast if it concerns endangering health of mother or unborn...however, As I have never been pregnant, have fasted all of my life for both major and most minor fasts, I would appreciate a little guidance. If I was in the States, I would know who to contact. I would feel very fortunate with have access to a supportive Jewish community in California or New York. The reality is I am in Berlin Germany, I am 43 and I just would feel better getting some info in English. I am not really connected to the Jewish Community in Berlin mostly because the spirituality around here is hard to find. Oy, I have tried, but it is really strange place. And there are not any spiritual leaders with whom I feel comfortable. Maybe with all the changes, they will come someday. In the meantime... Actually, I would also appreciate any other connections to support links to help me feel less isolated. Thanks! From Rabbi David Sperling A. Fasting for a pregnant woman on Yom Kippur (the other fasts have different laws, and are generally more lenient). 1.In a case of, G-d forbid, danger to the life of the mother, or the fetus, or even a possible danger, we break the fast (on how to eat see below). 2. Jewish law records the case of a women who, upon smelling some food for example, lusts to eat it. This is considered life threatening, and if after being reminded that it is Yom Kippur she still wants to eat, we give her a few drops to eat. We up the amount of food slowly until she no longer needs to eat. I have not heard of this happening in our day and age. 3. More common is a woman who feels nauseous, dizzy or faint. There is an argument amongst modern Rabbis how sick she must feel in order to eat. Rav Nebenzal (of the Old City of Jerusalem) is very lenient and rules that in any cases of dizziness (even mildly) or nausea, she should eat in "measures" (see below) and if that does not suffice, she should eat normally. She can even start eating before the nausea begins, if she is sure that the fast will cause the nausea to come. There is an even more lenient opinion (or Rav Fischer of the Bedatz of the Adah Haradit) who tells all women from the seventh month on (until the ninth) that they must drink in "measures" as a preventive health measure. This opinion is not generally followed. Rav Mordichay Eliyahu (previous Serphadi Chief Rabbi) rules that one must be much stricter and cannot break the fast for dizziness or nausea. I would suggest that if the mother feels well she should begin the fast, and if she then feels herself to be sick (especially vomiting or other signs of dehydration) she should break the fast by eating in measures. However mild dizziness and nausea that can be coped with by lying down should be endured. But this depends very much on the general health of the mother and fetus. 4. There is an opinion that obligates women in the ninth month to at least drink in "measures" so as not arrive at labour without enough liquids. This is not generally followed, but someone who has fears about birth and wants to follow such an opinion has on whom to rely. 5. It should be stressed that the obligation to fast is much greater than the obligation to go to synagogue. A woman who knows that going to the synagogue will cause (or add to) the possibility of having to break the fast, should not go. It is better to spend the day in bed lying down if needs be, than to go out and have to eat. A husband should also be reminded that he has an obligation to stay home and take care of his wife or children rather than go to pray with a minyan, in order that his wife be able to fast. 6. Medically needed tablets (for low iron etc) can be taken, when needed, on the fast, without water. 7. All the above is written for normal healthy pregnancies. If there are any complications, or a medical history of problem, one should consult a Rabbi with the details. And in general it is better to talk to a rabbi who knows you personally and not rely on what I have written. 8. Eating in "measures": one eats less than 30 cubic cm of food, no more than every nine minutes, and drinks less than a cheek-full of liquid (about 40 ml) every nine minutes. The food and drink do not join together and one can eat the amount above, as well as drink the amount above in the same nine minutes. But one must be careful that the food of one 9 mins does not overlap with the food of the next 9 mins. (That is not to eat the food at the end of one 9 min. period and the next lot at the start of the next 9 mins. But rather there should be 9 mins between each lot of food.). Before the fast one can prepare a small measuring cup and determine the size of the food (it is about what fits into an average Israeli match-box), or drink. May you be healthy in body and soul, and inscribed for a good year. Please Note: This site is designed for educational purposes only. You should not rely on this information as a substitute for personal medical advice.

Links for those with Difficulty Conceiving

JewishMom — Sun, 06 Feb 2011 10:41:55 +0000
Know of any other articles/sites I should link to? Please write me! A Couple's Guide to Fertility and Jewish Law- Incredible site of world-renowned experts on fertility and Jewish law who have assisted tens of thousands of infertile couples to become parents. Was under the supervision of Rabbi Mordechai Eliyahu zt"l- a former chief rabbi of Israel. Rabbis who are experts on fertility on staff can also provide advice through e-mail. A Time- A Torah Infertility Medium of Exchange- A site with forums, newsletters, and recommended reading. A way to break out of the isolation of infertility- and get strength, inspiration, and support from other women in the same situation. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED! http://www.atime.org Jewish Infertility Articles-Insightful and inspiring articles by Jewish women on infertility at www.TheJewishWoman.com. A must-see site! Never heard of Rebbetzin Faige Twersky? In my book, she is one of the wisest people in the whole world! Read her response to a childless couple Aish.com has published a lot of inspiring and though-provoking articles on infertility over the years. To access these articles, you can do a Google search for "Infertility""Aish." Here's a few Aish articles on infertility that I thought were exceptional... My Own Stroller: One woman reflects on what she has gained and learned through her experience with infertility. Why Not Me? One woman reflects on G-d and her lack of children. Goodbye to the Children I Never had: How can a woman say goodbye to the children she never conceived? Ovulation Calendar- Handy dandy calculator to figure out when you are ovulating- and info on different methods to figure out time of ovulation. A great resource. http://www.ovulation-calendar.net/

Strength and Hope after Miscarriage and Stillbirth: One Woman's Journey

JewishMom — Sun, 06 Feb 2011 11:02:53 +0000
Strength and Hope after Miscarriage and Stillbirth By: Tracy Prisman (who welcomes your responses at prisman7@gmail.com) Only in the movies? I used to watch a certain soap opera. A whole week could go by and nothing really happened, so I didn’t watch it regularly, but I always discussed it with my Grandmother. One day I happened to watch and one of the characters lost her baby towards the end of her pregnancy. At the time, I was four months pregnant and my Gran immediately called me and said that she was sorry and that she hoped I knew that these things only happen in the movies and certainly not in today’s times. I had to agree. Little did I know that only a few months later, at the beginning of my ninth month of pregnancy, I would lose my baby. After nine months of “perfect”, problem free pregnancy, there was one day where I couldn’t feel the baby kick. Thinking that I was being overly paranoid, my husband and I decided to check things out anyway, but not in our wildest dreams did we think that our baby was no longer alive. It was such a shock to us, but somehow that day, we stayed relatively calm, reserving our strength for the hard road ahead. Looking back on that day I feel that G-D had sent down a special dose of strength to us both to help us cope. I decided I had to temporarily bury my pain and anguish until after the birth. If I let myself break down I just wouldn’t have the strength to go through the birth itself, and I knew I couldn’t allow that to happen. The baby was finally born 52 hours after I was induced! My husband decided to see the baby, while I decided that there was no way I could see him. Today, we are both happy with our decisions and feel that they were right for us. The girl in the soap opera went into a complete depression and was eventually admitted to hospital. I remember watching at the time and thinking that would be a pretty normal reaction after suffering such trauma, but when it actually happened to me, I decided that there was no way I could let myself react like that. I made a decision to NOT let depression take over. I decided to fight with what little strength I had left and to make sure, that despite the pain, the disappointment and the feeling of despair, I was going to choose a positive attitude. I was going to get through this ordeal in the most optimistic way possible. I find it a constant battle to train my mind to overcome such profound pain and sadness. There are times when I have to let myself cry, so I have a good cry…but I don’t want to be in a permanent state of grief. There are times when no amount of optimism and resolve can help, but there are also times when I derive strength from my beliefs and thoughts. I hope my beliefs will help YOU to find YOUR STRENGTH. My perspective There’s no right or wrong way… It is strange, but at the time I found out that we had lost our baby, I felt like we were the only ones in the world that this terrible thing had happened to. However, friends and neighbors started relating their own experiences with prenatal or neonatal death and I was surprised that so many others had been through similar experiences. At the hospital they also told me that unfortunately they had seen this many times. When speaking to women who had been through this I was rather amazed at their different reactions to their loss. Each woman had difficulties, which hadn’t even entered my mind. Sometimes you hear things and think that you should be feeling or thinking that too. Maybe they’re reacting normally and I’m not? But I realized that indeed each woman did cope differently, for each woman there were certain hardships that didn’t exist for others and each woman could cope with situations that the other women could not handle. My theory is that there is no right or wrong way to deal with loss and you are entitled to do and feel exactly what you want. There is also no right or wrong decision when it comes to therapy or support groups. Only you know what you need. Just stay open minded to all the options. Why me? The question, “why me?” comes back all the time. They say that if you gathered a group of people around several sacks with each sack containing a different problem, that we would choose to take the exact sack of problems that we are currently dealing with. It is hard to imagine that we could ever consciously choose to go through this, and yet deep down I do believe that this is true. It is also hard to look around and see others having kids all the time. I constantly have to remind myself that life is such that everyone has their own problems and no one’s life is perfect. Perfection is an illusion that we all see from the outside. To me, my problem seems like the worst thing ever, but others also have problems, which seem as big and hard to them as mine does to me, and maybe even worse. The loss of a dream rather than a reality… I lost my grandfather at the same time that I lost the baby; we were in the same hospital at the same time. I can’t help but compare the two losses. One is someone I knew my whole life, who was part of my daily life and the other was someone I didn’t know at all, but who was part of ME day and night for nine months. When you lose a grandfather you are upset because someone familiar will be missing and life will change without that person. It’s a strange concept, but when you lose an unborn baby, nothing is going to change at all. Life will continue just as it had been. What you are losing is “the dream”, the excitement and anticipation of having that baby. What you are also losing is control, control of your plans. It all seems so real and close and suddenly it is gone. I keep telling myself that the dream of having a baby has just been postponed for a year or two and what’s a couple of years in the scheme of life? It is difficult because I want a baby right now; I was expecting it right now. I live with the hope and certainty, beyond doubt though, that I will have a baby, a few babies, and a beautiful family. Maybe not right now, but hopefully soon. Reaching out for support is not a weakness but a strength… I used to think that I always had to be strong, and handle things on my own. Not to ask for help from others for that would be a weakness. But this experience taught me that it takes strength to admit that you need help and support from others and the weakness is turning away from help. So many people reached out to us and felt for us, not only friends and family but even acquaintances. People really wanted to help and it was almost like they needed to feel that they were helping. Some people dropped off food, some people sent flowers or chocolates before Shabbat. It made us feel like we were not alone in our pain and that people were genuinely hurting with us. This was a very comforting feeling. I once heard that there are beggars in the world in order to provide us with the opportunity to learn to give to others. When I was reluctant and felt awkward to take from others, my mom said that I would be doing an injustice to all those who wanted to give…and she was right! It was a difficult time for my family. As mentioned above, my grandfather had just passed away and everyone was dealing with that pain. However my family did indeed find the time and strength to try to help us and comfort us. Although I didn’t want to burden them with my pain, I embraced their support, love and care. I so appreciated it that they even had the ability to give so much when they were suffering. Our friends and family abroad were also very supportive. We recognized how hard it was for them being far away at a time like this. We felt their need to be there for us and help in any way they could and we grabbed onto their kind words and care. Several weeks later we saw my parents in law who live in Canada. They spoiled us rotten and did absolutely anything we wanted. They took us away for a few days, which allowed us to get our minds off things. It was an important time and although it was several weeks after the ordeal they helped soothe our healing wound. One thing that helped me tremendously was speaking to women who had also lost a baby. I was very lucky to be in the hospital with a girl, around my age, who had just been through the same thing. It was also her first baby and right away we connected and comforted each other. We are constantly intouch – whenever one of us has a bad day we immediately call the other and we don’t even have to say much because we just know and understand… I spoke to many others and heard how they dealt with their pain. The fact that they all had children now also gave me strength and I always hung up the phone feeling like I was not alone, I will get through this just like they did and there will be a happy ending! These women were my own personal support group although I’ve heard of many wonderful support groups, which have helped others a lot. There are indeed many support systems to turn to out there- family, friends, support groups, psychologists, books, Internet etc. I think that it is vitally important to choose the support systems that you are comfortable with and what appeals to you. This is not a time to turn your back on the help that is out there. This is a time for you to reach out and take what you need and to allow others to provide the help and support you require. Fear for the future… I can’t help but worry about the future, what if this happens again or even a few times more? How could I ever deal with it again? The thought of even being pregnant again after all this trauma is hard to imagine. How will I get through nine months of constant worry and panic? I have decided that the chances of this happening again are far less than the chances that it will all work out, so why focus on the less likely situation? I want to enjoy my next pregnancy as much as I enjoyed my last one, so I am going to train my mind to chase away all the negative thoughts. I will try and transform this horrible experience into something positive for the future. I will never take my pregnancies for granted, nor my children. I believe that I will appreciate everything so much more. There are so many miracles around us that we take for granted…just having a healthy baby is a miracle that I will never, ever take for granted again. Everything passes. Nothing stays the same… There are days when I feel so bad! I have no strength or patience to deal with anything. I despair and feel that there is no hope and that everything is just bad. And then suddenly, the next day, everything seems okay and not really that bad. Of course I am still sad inside, but I feel strong enough to deal with things and I even manage to appreciate and see the good that I have been blessed with. So, whenever I have a terrible day, I simply tell myself that as bad and as hopeless as I feel now (although it seems impossible in the moment) I will probably feel much better tomorrow. Daunting dates… I find the dates difficult to deal with. My due date really scared me. I wanted to do something fun on that day just to distract myself from what I was supposed to be doing. It so happened that family came and stayed with us for three days, so that was a good distraction. Some people think that it is disrespectful to the baby to plan something “fun” or “pleasant” on their due date and they feel guilty. I disagree with this view. I feel that anything that will help you to feel better or function better is a good thing. As for being disrespectful to the baby, moving on with life is not disrespectful to the memory of your baby. The fact is that there is no baby; only a void, so if there is even the slightest thing that can fill the emptiness and bring relief just for a short time, do it! A different world… When we were in the hospital we were visited several times by the social worker. One of her first suggestions was to take a trip if we could and just leave everything and everyone behind. At the time I thought this was a rather ridiculous suggestion. The last thing I could think of was packing up and taking a fun trip. First of all I had no strength and secondly all I could think of was sitting in a hotel and crying. However, six weeks after the loss I realized how right this suggestion was and I felt that a vacation, a get away, was exactly what we needed. We left for a three week vacation on a cruise. It is so helpful to be in completely different surroundings, to enter a different world. At home we felt stuck, not able to move forward. Taking a break and leaving everything behind was what ultimately helped us to move on. The trip gave us something exciting to focus on and good memories to reflect upon afterwards. I really tried to do all those things that I couldn’t have done if I had a baby and in that way I was able to trick myself and say, “oh look how I would have lost out on all these great experiences if I’d had a baby now”. It’s obvious that I would have given up any trip or any other experience to hold my baby in my arms, but that option was taken away from me. All I can do is to make the most of a really, really bad situation…and I am determined to do just that! Healthy mind, healthy body… I decided to do a few things to feel better physically and mentally. These are some of the things that made me feel better about myself: I put a huge crystal bowl of water in the center of our apartment with a candle in it. Every evening I light the candle and add a few drops of relaxing lavender oil. This has given our home a calming atmosphere. I also indulged in new soaps and creams – small indulgences can really make you feel good. I have never been a gym person, but after the pregnancy I had to admit that I had put on some weight because of the pregnancy. I feel good about working on getting my body back to a healthy state, even though I look at some of the other women who have just given birth and wonder if they know how lucky they are. Anyway, it feels good to do something for me and something for my body. I have bought myself a book that inspires and uplifts me. It is about the matriarchs and what they can teach us. I’ve gained so much from it and would encourage everyone to get hold of a book about anything that you find comforting, positive and optimistic. Reading is also a great distraction and a good escape. We moved all our furniture around. Just like traveling, a change is as good as a holiday! A new look came to symbolize a fresh start and a hopeful future. Taking care of number 1… I decided shortly after my ordeal to only do things that made me feel good. Taking care of your real needs is the most important thing now so that you can heal and move forward. Sometimes I find myself in situations where I am not enjoying myself at all and given my decision to keep my sadness somewhat contained, I don’t want to be placed in situations that trigger negative emotions. I am a person who usually tries to please others, but I have decided that for the first time in my life, I need to do what is best for me. I have decided not to go to brittot (circumcisions) for a while and I hope that people will understand and support me. I can’t put on a brave face for others while my heart breaks inside and I don’t want to be depressed at other people’s celebrations. It is my right and my choice to stay away for a little while. Do what is good for you! Busy body… I think the key is to be busy. I have just started a new job. I was dreading it initially and wondered how I could be starting “this” new job when I was supposed to be starting a “different” new job, as a mother. It seems, though, that time does heal and it wasn’t hard to start. I have also decided not to let my job take over my life and to stay focused on still doing all things I like. My days need to be filled with things that keep me in a good mood, allow me to feel satisfied and content at the end of each day. A Jewish explanation Even as a religious person my first reaction was to wonder how and why G-D would put us through such an ordeal. My husband would say to me “This is the real test of faith! It is easy to believe and accept G-Ds will when things are going well but now you have to trust in G-Ds judgment even when you don’t understand, and disagree”. My husband’s strong beliefs and trust in G-D strengthened me tremendously. Together we found comfort, understanding and strength in religious perspectives and explanations. There is an article that we read which literally got us through our whole ordeal. It answered many of the questions that we had and made us feel that there was actual meaning and purpose to what we had been through. Rabbi Moshe Wolfson in his article “A Mission Fulfilled” writes: (published in the Jewish Observer, USA, 1995); According to the teachings of our sages, in heaven there is the “sanctuary of souls” from which all the souls come. All souls, our sages tell us, must leave the sanctuary and descend to this world so that the final redemption can come. Each soul has its own unique mission to fulfill in this world and is allotted the lifespan necessary to fulfill that mission. Some souls belong to a very exalted class. They are of such a sublime nature; so holy, sparkling, brilliant, that they simply cannot bear to exist in this world for even a short time. They too, however, must leave the “sanctuary of souls”. These special souls cannot bear to separate themselves from their sublime existence and sully themselves by living on this earthly world, so they are spared the discomfort and are returned to their “Father in Heaven”, having fulfilled their mission by leaving the “sanctuary of souls”. In so doing, they are bringing the world one step closer to the Final Redemption. And so G-D chooses a particular couple who will draw such a soul down to this world. It departs its source near the Throne of Glory and is immediately placed in an environment that is heavenly –in nature. A woman who is with child carries within herself not only a child, but an entire Gan(Garden of) Eden as well. A flame from the hidden light of creation shines from one end of the world to the other. A heavenly angel learns the Torah with the child. All this occurs with every Jewish child. And what of the mother, who has endured, hoped and in the end was so terribly disappointed? She has merited to have as her guest a pure, holy soul, accompanied by a heavenly light, a heavenly angel and a heavenly Torah. Some of the holiness that had entered her will not leave her for the rest of her life. She has brought the Messiah’s arrival closer by offering a sacrifice for this purpose. She is not left with a mother’s usual compensation. All that she has endured, rather, has been for the sake of G-D and his people. Was it all worth it? In painful moments, when disappointment sets in and normal human feelings dominate ones mood, the answer may be negative. When holiness breaks through, however, when the intellect of the soul speaks and the joy of the Jewish soul burst forth then there is an answer of an entirely different nature. This answer is accompanied by the song of triumph, the joy of the victor, the deep-rooted satisfaction of one who has earned something of immeasurable value. One should realize that the term “miscarriage” is not found in a believing Jew’s dictionary. The term implies that one’s efforts have ended in failure, that all has been in vain. This is incorrect, for when a Jewish woman conceives, it is never in vain. This article made us view our ordeal in a more positive light. Those months of carrying a baby had not gone to waste at all, rather, we had done something truly big, not for ourselves, but for the entire Jewish nation. We had not chosen it, but we indeed, had been chosen. The article says, “and so G-D chooses a particular couple who will draw such a soul down to this world.” Sometimes I look at my husband and myself and wonder how we still smile after such a trauma and I truly think that G-d knew we were strong enough and indeed we have both grown in many ways from this painful experience. Sometimes I even feel proud to have been chosen. What a great source of pride to know that I had the privilege to hold within me, for nine months, true holiness – a sparkling soul that was too sublime to enter this world. What’s more, part of that holiness will stay within me forever. Another text that helped us enormously was a book called “Mirrors of Our Lives” by Rebbezin Holly Pavlov (Feldheim Publishers, 2000). The author writes: The unique holiness of an unborn baby………….. When the child is in the mother’s womb, he is able to learn all the Torah. This ability exists because he is not limited by his body. His soul is separate and free from the limitations of physicality; it is able to absorb the Torah from beginning to end. The minute the child comes into the physical reality and is born, he forgets all his Torah. The soul is now trapped by the body, so to speak. The baby can no longer retain all of the Torah that he learned in his mother’s womb because he is no longer an infinite being; he is now a limited, physical being. As a physical being he is no longer capable of absorbing so much “light” and by necessity the Torah is forgotten. In its place, the baby is given the power of speech, the ability to connect the spiritual and physical. (pg 67). When the child is in the womb accessing all of the Torah from beginning to end, he is in a place of silence. There is no speech there, rather a holistic connection with G-D. The Torah that the child learns in the womb is not the same Torah that we hear in the Yeshivot. The Torah learned in the Yeshivot involves talking obviously whereas the Torah that the child learns in the womb is pure, raw Torah that can’t be spoken. When the child emerges into this world and the angel taps him on this mouth, thus giving him speech, he looses that holistic connection to Torah (Pg 68). After reading this it gave me a sense of peace because I felt that our baby had been privileged to live the most holy, pure existence. That was never taken away from him, as is usually the case when a baby lives. Instead of having to give up that special holiness he could hang onto it forever. And after all I was the one who enabled this existence. Although I so wish that my baby would not have died I still recognize that this situation, which was brought upon me is a pure act of unselfishness. I can always look back on my life and know that once in my life for 9 months I gave of myself to someone else without receiving what I wanted in return. The potential for growth, through pain One source of unhappiness experienced by our ancestors was their initial inability to have children. Their words and actions in response to this unhappiness are terse in the Torah but they have deep ramifications which can be internalized by modern readers and can enable us to handle our personal difficulties... when bad things happened to our ancestors they probed deeply into their situations attempting to understand Hashems message to them and then sought solutions (pg 81). Human beings have a limited vision of the world and because of this, there is no way we will ever understand G-D. We don’t understand why G-D sends us a specific form of pain. What we do know for certain is that our suffering contains within it potential growth, and we can build something out of our pain and distress. We can’t understand G-D’s plan, but we can understand that our lives are in the hands of Heaven and that what happens to us is part of our destiny, a destiny carefully and lovingly mapped out for us by G-D Himself. So although we don’t have control over our destiny, we do have control over our perception of our suffering and we can make the decision to build from it (pg 86). I feel that in the beginning it was very hard for us to even think of growing. We just wanted to survive this ordeal. But deep down we both believe that every experience in life, good or bad has come to teach us a lesson. I remember asking a Rabbi if this was a punishment. He said that it definitely was not a punishment however; something must change after an experience like this. We have started to do some soul-searching to see what areas we can improve on, as a couple and as individuals. It is important to me to look back at this time and know that something good came out of it, something changed, for the better. Praying for a happy ending… Several weeks after I had finished writing this booklet, I found out that I was pregnant. I just couldn’t believe that it happened so quickly. We felt that this was actually a miracle but I also believe that my pregnancy is linked to a very specific experience. A few weeks after I had given birth, I went to the mikvah (ritual bath for women). As I entered the water I began to sob. This was not the way it was meant to be. I had often thought of returning to the mikvah after the long nine month break that I’d had; after giving birth to a beautiful baby. Instead, here I was with no baby! I couldn’t stop crying. I looked up and I saw the mikvah lady start to cry with me; she felt my pain. I started to wonder if the mikvah would fill up with my tears and begin to overflow. I prayed to G-D in a way that I never have before; I begged him to take away this pain and help me survive this ordeal. I begged and pleaded. I felt like I was falling apart. As I walked away from the mikvah, still crying, I recalled that I had once learned that “the gates of tears are never closed” (Gemara Brechot 32b). I had cried and sobbed in the holiest place and deep inside I knew that G-D would surely hear my prayers; surely he could not turn away from a crying woman in the holy waters of the mikvah. And he did hear my prayers. I fell pregnant shortly after! A happy ending! Today, one year later I seal this chapter of my life as I hold my son Yishai Natan in my arms. His second name Natan is after my grandfather and His first name Yishai has two special meanings: * A gift from G-D * There is a G-D For we have learned, through the chain of events that we have been through, that we are never alone and that there is a G-d behind the sad and happy times that we live through. Therefore, we should never despair for there is always hope. Rather we should be grateful for what we have and trust and believe that we can get through the bad times and always look forward to the good time that will follow. May we all be granted the privilege and gift of becoming mothers in the future, for this is indeed a privilege and a gift that is not to be taken for granted. And may we take the pain of this experience and transform it into love, gratitude and appreciation for the children we will be blessed with in the future. May you have strength. I have chosen to end this booklet with a beautiful poem I once read, in the hope that this will give us the strength to deal with this challenge and all future challenges that come our way: One night a man had a dream. He dreamt that he was walking along a beach with G-D. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. In each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one belonged to him and the other to G-D. When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints on the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life. This really bothered him and he questioned G-D about it. “G-D, you said that once I decided to follow you, you’d walk with me all the way, but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there was only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why, when I needed you most you would leave me.” G-D replied, “My precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.” (Margaret Fishback Powers, 1964) 18(chai) suggestions to feeling better: * Make sure to have a weekly “date” with your husband, you need to heal together. Although your reactions may be different it’s important to communicate and work through this together. * Speak to women who have been through the same experience: * Shelly Allon (U.S. Philadelphia East Cost): 215-6351984 * D’vora Grossbaum: 02-6518439 * Merav Levi(only Hebrew): 064-255961 * Tracy Prisman: 055-751995 * Contact a support group: * Through the Internet * Aleph: 02-5632779, 02-9931649 * Advertisements in newspapers * See a psychologist /social worker who has experience with prenatal & neonatal loss * Use alternative healing techniques * I read the following articles and books which were very helpful: Books * “Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Neonatal Death” by Shulamit(Shelly) Rifkin Allon, Jeffrey Allon and D’vora Grossbaum * “Mirrors Of Our Lives” by Rebbezin Holly Pavlov (Feldheim Publishers, 2000) Articles * “A Mission Fulfilled,” by Rabbi Moshe Wolfson (Published in the Jewish Observer, USA, 1995) "דברי חיזוק למפלת"- בית רפואה מעייני ישועה * * Do something special for yourself such as buying yourself something new – shoes, clothes, jewelry etc. or have a haircut/change your hairstyle OR * Use health products that make one feel better – like lavender, which is known for relaxation, or bath salts, creams etc. * Choose a good book to read * Go out to the movies or a show with your husband * Change around your furniture at home OR * Make your home atmosphere more comforting by lighting decorative candles or buying flowers * Go on a trip with your husband if possible * Get a Blessing from a Rabbi * Pray for others who are sick or are also going through a hard time * Take on a new mitzvah – lighting Shabbat candles or giving charity * Let yourself cry when you need to, we get strength and comfort from our tears while at the same time releasing inner pain * And let yourself smile when you can, because there will be a happy ending and your pain will be replaced by the future happiness, which is just around the corner. Dedication… This booklet is dedicated to the baby I so loved, but never met. To the baby: * Who brought out a strength in me I never knew I had * Who taught me the essence of true belief, faith and trust in G-D * Who exposed me to the love and support of friends and family that I never knew existed * Who gave me the opportunity to grow * Who taught me to appreciate life and realize that life is too short to be wasted * Who taught me the vital concept that I may not have control over the situation, but I do have control over my attitude! To the baby who made me the person I am today; I could not have done it without you. Thank you!

In Joy I Reap: An Infertile Couple's Journey to Parenthood

JewishMom — Sun, 06 Feb 2011 11:07:21 +0000
In Joy I Reap By Raizel Stern Taken from Special Delivery: Jewish Birth Stories of Faith and Inspiration (on sale at www.Targum.com) I glance at my night table and at the current stack of books cluttering it; the contents of my night table reflect the various stages of my life. As a secular college student, I read trendy philosophical books. When I adopted a religious lifestyle, my reading material changed accordingly. I began reading books Jewish life about Jewish philosophy. About five year later, books on marriage joined the pile. I assumed that parenting books would soon be added to my collection, but instead I spent many years surrounded by reading material of a very different nature- infertility. As the years passed my collection grew to include books on adoption. But eventually, Thank G-d, after 12 years of waiting, birthing books prominently adorned my night table. My reading material has now progressed to include books on childcare and parenting, reflecting my treasured new status as mother. Some challenges and conditions can be successfully hidden, but infertility is not one of them. Throughout the years, my friends were empathetic and caring, although I did not discuss with them my pain and frustration of my journey to motherhood. I am now prepared to share some reflections on the years that preceded the birth of my children, to help others appreciate the miracle that is often taken for granted- that of bringing children into this world and to help others with their pain as they wait for their prayers to be answered. I was in my mid twenties when I met my husband and we were married three months later. Each passing month we looked for signs indicating that in nine months time we would be parents. Little did we realize that our path to parenthood would be significantly longer and fraught with uncertainty. But it would be a road that we traveled together, growing closer and giving each other moral support. Maybe it was a premonition of difficult times ahead, but more likely it was just a natural step for someone of my somewhat anxious temperament, which motivated me to consult with a gynecologist a few months after we were married. When I look back now, I realize that the "treatment" that he prescribed was very minor-league, compared to what was to follow. However it helped us to begin to face the issues of infertility. Once he felt that he had gone as far as he could he recommended that we go to a clinic which specializes in fertility problems. We looked to a Rav for guidance whether I should go for a complete fertility workup. The Rabbi was emphatic, that we had not been married for long and the time was not right to place myself in the category of "infertile." We followed the psak of the Rav. This was not the time to be challenged by the stresses of fertility treatment. H-shem would let us know when it was. We think that we make all the decisions, but H-shem sets the stage and pulls the strings. Various factors converged and we were now ready to enter the world of major league fertility treatment. I would soon be entering into a new phase of my life, a phase where most of my emotional energy would be invested in fertility clinics, asking complicated 'sheilos' going to support groups and trying to maintain some level of normalcy. My first trip to the fertility clinic stands out in my memory. I have a vivid memory of walking away from gynecologist's rooms down a brightly lit corridor to an infertility clinic. I had crossed into another realm, a little-known world where all the players were either infertile couples like us, or medical personnel wishing to employ all their medical expertise to help us conceive. Infertility is a great equalizer. Age, status or finances have no bearing here. Each woman subjects herself to endless blood tests, hormone treatments, ultrasounds and other invasive procedures. Her life revolves around this clinic and she complies with the doctor's orders, even if they may be uncomfortable. Daily visits to the clinic become the norm, and life becomes an emotional roller coaster. Do we dare hope that the next treatment will be successful? How do we deal with reality when the caring staff informs us that success has eluded us yet again? How do we protect ourselves, and give each other encouragement when the months roll into years? The earlier years were in a sense more painful, as our hopes were high and the disappointments cut deeper. As the following years progressed we developed better coping skill but the pain never left. Somehow we pushed ourselves to continue treatments, even though they were extremely stressful and the chances of success were decreasing with each subsequent treatment. Each woman copes with the stress of treatment and infertility in different ways. I was not interested in the medical aspects of the treatments. Divorcing myself from my body was one of my major coping mechanisms. I did as I was told, and kept as busy as possible, trying to ensure that there was never time to dwell on our childlessness. I tried to avoid situations that would be painful. For example I didn't hang around the park before the Shabbos afternoon shiur. When is the time to give up and say that it was just not meant to be? How much disappointment can one bear? Do we continue, somewhat resigned to the fact that all our efforts may possibly be in vain? Do we ask what are the chances of success? Are statistics important? Entering the "over thirty five" category was particularly difficult. Was there still room for hope? Do I let that depress me? All we need is one successful fertilized egg to grow into the miracle of life? Is it ever meant to be? What should we be doing? Who should we turn to for a blessing? Can you follow up on every 'segula' which well meaning people recommend? Even though I am not a 'segula person', I sat on a certain chair in Ashdod, prayed at the grave of a childless washerwoman and followed some other recommendations provided by well-wishers. I had a friend set up a shmeras halashon [anti-gossip] rotation when we were having a treatment. We prayed constantly to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. At the same time as doing infertility treatments we looked into adoption. We went to discuss the issue of adoption with a Rav who we are close to. He said we should speak to a famous Rav in Bnai Brak. He told us that he knew the Rav and that he would accompany us to the Rav's house. The Rav gave my husband a bracho, he said we should only adopt a Jewish child and we should continue treatment. I very much wanted to adopt through a certain agency but there were no Jewish babies. It must have been difficult for our parents and siblings to see us in this trying situation. I appreciated my sister-in-law calling personally and telling me she was pregnant, although it must have been very difficult for her. They knew we were having treatments but we didn't tell them specifics or even the dates of the first nine IVFs. I think we wanted to spare them the pain of disappointment. It was easier for us to cope on our own without having to cope with their disappointment Our friends were supportive, even though they could not fully understand what we were going through. I especially appreciated the fact that they treated me as a normal person, and not somebody who had to be treated with kit gloves. They always included us in the family activities and we chose what we felt comfortable to join in. Relatives, neighbors, and colleagues on the whole were generally sensitive. The challenge is answering innocent questions posed by strangers such as, "How many children do you have?" I felt worse for the person asking than for myself. I would spend the next fifteen minutes explaining that it is a natural question and they had not hurt me by asking it. The more meaningful reaction was the countless number of people who were hearing the answer who said that they would 'daven' for us. The only social situation, which was really stressful, was being a 'kvater' at a bris [passing the baby at the bris to the ritual circumcisor/mohel is an auspicious practice to conceive]. However we never passed this up. As the successive treatment failed, alternative treatments of questionable halachic status were suggested, but we could not accept them neither on a halachic nor an emotional basis We felt we were at an impasse. "You must meet my uncle," exclaimed a former student, explaining that her uncle, a respected Torah scholar, was an expert on fertility treatments. Her words came at a time that we were dealing with the reality of stopping treatments. Should I make the call? Could he really help us? I called and later that evening we found ourselves sharing our medical history with a distinguished-looking man clad in rabbinic garb. His manner was both professional and caring as he asked for medical details. At this point he declared, "You may think you are young, you may even look like you are young but your body is not". I was 37 years old at the time. He then proceeded to outline for us exactly what we should do including what particular procedure should be used. He told us that he would make all the initial appointments. Something in his manner propelled us to follow his directives. He followed the case along, calling me and supervising progress. Who is this man, and why was he so devoted to my case? Apparently, he had amassed information on fertility, possibly based on his own personal experience, and because he genuinely feels the pain of a couple going through this challenge. He feels it is a sacred obligation to do all he could to assist countless couples along their quest. Somehow everything was different with this IVF before my son was born. We were at a new clinic. It was in a different city, my husband accompanied me to every visit to the clinic. This wasn't necessary in previous treatments. I went to the clinic and then went to work. Also this time we told family and close friends that we were having a treatment. I set up my own mishmeret of shmeras Halashon [a program to eliminate gossip in her community]. A special atmosphere permeated the shul that Rosh Hashana. No doubt everyone had something to pray for. I davened like I had never davened before. Just the previous day, I had undergone yet another IVF implant, under the direction of my new clinic. On a medical level, chances were slim. But I had just spent the month of Elul learning at a women's seminary, and felt that spiritually ready for Rosh Hashana. Was there a possibility of success this time? I turned my energy upward and appealed to Hashem, the All-Merciful One. The days passed slowly, as we found ourselves in the familiar situations waiting the results of the pregnancy test, praying for success but also bracing ourselves for disappointment. The minutes dragged. Part of me wished that time could be sped up and we could phone immediately. Another part wished that time could be frozen so that we would not have to face another disappointment. This was our tenth IVF. We had invested so much in this treatment. Before the appointed time, the phone rang. My husband answered immediately recognizing the voice of the nurse. She asked for me, and then pronounced the long awaited words, "You're pregnant, girl!" Was I prepared? Could one be prepared for a gift of such magnitude? I had hoped and prayed for this day for over a decade, not knowing whether I would ever arrive at to this point. My life shifted into a different gear. Caution was in order and I was told to take it easy. And take it easy I did. I arranged for the best in medical care, as well as attending birthing classes. When I was 12 days past my due date, it became apparent that a c-section was required. The hospital would not induce on a previous uterine scar, which I had earlier in my life. Also, today was elective cesarean day. If I didn't do it today, I would have to wait 2 more days and be fit in towards the end of the day, after orthopedics and others. Honestly, I was so ready emotionally to have this baby. Others may have done it differently but I didn't want to wait longer and I didn't really want to go through labor at this point. At 38 years old, I wanted to just see my baby. Right or wrong, that's what we opted to do. So, on a pleasant summer day, a few months after our 12th anniversary, we were blessed with a most beautiful baby boy. It is impossible to describe our elation. My husband called everyone we knew all over the world. I could not sleep for a week. I wanted to hold the baby all the time. I had made sure he was safe. The hospital staff was understanding, allowing me to ignore the standard routines. I set aside my normally reserved demeanor and I proceeded to share my good news with everyone. This together with the surgery, lack of sleep and the endless discussions about the bris, were all very emotionally draining. The bris was a very moving, with family friends and colleagues participating as if our simcha was their own. When my son was six months old I began thinking of the possibility of having another child. I didn't want him to have to be an only child. But dare I ask H-shem for another miracle? Motivated by my desire for my son's happiness I contacted the clinic again. Again we proceeded with treatments, but my whole state of mind was different. I did not come home to an empty house after each visit. I came home to a gurgling baby, happy to see me. Although the stress level was lower, the roller coaster of emotions began again. Could it possibly work? I was older, but I had successfully carried a given birth to a live baby. I appreciated the doctor's honesty when he did not give me any false hope. Again the day arrived and we waited anxiously for the results of the pregnancy test. There was no early phone call, definitely a negative result. We waited patiently for the designated phone time. With trembling hands I called, surprising my doctor who answered the phone. I said who was calling and he said, "Mazel tov." We could not believe the kindness of H-shem; another miracle. I could not take it easy, I had an energetic baby to take care of. Thanks to him I went into the second c-section in much better physical shape than the first. I thought of names for my son's soon to be playmate, began to plan a bris assuming all along that it would be a boy. Imagine our elation when we were blessed with a beautiful little girl to complete our family. Now, five years later, I try to be constantly appreciative of my precious treasures and try never to take them for granted. I aim to be the perfect parent, and feel guilty when I am not. Being an older parent has lots of plusses and lots of challenges, but I am grateful for the way our children have changed our lives. We are extremely grateful for the many medical professionals as well as family and friends who were always there for us. One nurse was particularly caring, making herself available whenever I needed her. She helped me with all my medical needs but in addition was a source of tremendous emotional support. Her strong emuna and bitachon gave me the courage to cope with the treatment. I value her friendship to this day. I see great siyata dishmaya [Divine intervention] in every step on our long journey to parenthood. How has my whole experience affected me? Although I would have never chosen this path, I see how our marriage and we have grown from our challenges. I try to have greater sensitivity to others going through difficult times. We continue to see the G-d's hand guiding us in all aspects of our lives and our children. We are eternally grateful to Him for our twofold treasure. We pray that we will be able to raise our chidren to be a true Ben and Bas Yisroel [son and daughter of the Jewish people]. Generally I don't dispense advice. However, since I have crossed the bridge and am now a mother women have asked me to give them: Suggestions of what to say to a neighbor, a friend, relation who is childless. 1. I tell them there is no magic formula which is right for everybody, and even if you say the right thing you may say it the wrong time. 2. If you can, try to include them in your life but give them the space for their privacy. I have learnt that you can have a close supportive relationship with somebody even if you don't share intimate information. 3. Try to see where the person is terms of your children. It is wonderful if a natural bond develops but you can't force it. 4. Don't try to tell your children not to ask where their children are, children ask. And don't be embarrassed when they do, it is a perfectly normal question. If it is difficult for the person to answer tell your children that they should daven that soon this person will be a mommy. 5. If you notice, I was the one who was always getting support. There are two members in a couple; husbands need support too. This is more complicated because in general men don't seek support or give emotional support the way women intuitively do. Invite the couple over and try to encourage your husband to develop a friendship. It is unlikely that the husband will discuss anything related to the infertility but he will appreciate the warmth of a friendship. What would I suggest to childless couples. 1. Find a Rabbi who you are prepared to follow his psak [ruling], and who is knowledgeable as possible concerning aspects of infertility treatments. When you go ask a sheilo [question] make sure that you present all the relevant information. " 2. If you choose the medical route, find the best medical treatment available. 3. Look for support groups. Other people are a source of important information. 4. Try to give yourselves mechanisms of coping when things get rough, as they do. Pamper yourselves go out for dinner. 5. Don't feel obliged that you have to share what you are going through but if you can find the right person it helps. 6. Prepare tactful answers for insensitive questions. Don't let yourself get hurt by tactless comments. Judge these people favourably; they have no means of understanding the depth of your pain. 7. Avoid situations that are painful but don't exclude yourself from society. 8. Be a source of support for one another. " Pray, having faith that your prayers will be answered 9. Do all the hishtadlos [efforts] necessary, physical as well. Slim, healthy women have a higher chance of fertility being successful. 10. Don't put your life on hold. See yourself as a whole person waiting for your little pikadon [deposit]to be delivered bezrat H-shem. *IVF, in vitro fertilization, the fertility treatment that eventually worked for us, entails surgical removal of a woman's eggs, fertilizing them in the laboratory setting, and implanting them in the woman's womb. It is an uncertain process, since there are some many variables at different stages of the procedure. Thank G-d; we have two beautiful children resulting from this process.

Mini-MOM Videos

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Expectingmiraclescover

JewishMom — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 10:38:59 +0000

babystep-highres

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Some Psalms

JewishMom — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 10:51:50 +0000
The Book of Psalms, traditionally accredited to King David, is great reading material for all people, and for pregnant women in particular. I read one psalm every morning during breakfast (my three-year old has amazingly learned to hold all requests until I’m done!) and I find it always gives me a good, strong, G-d focused (as opposed to my own stress-of-the-day-focused) start to my day. If you’re wondering whether this habit of mine is just a strange personal quirk, all you need to do is get on any Jerusalem bus, and you are sure to see that the ancient tradition of reading Psalms is alive and well among modern Jewish women. King David always writes about such serious problems- from an enemy army waiting to attack, to feelings of total worthlessness (he calls himself “a worm”), to terrible depression (he cries so much that his bed swims in a pool of gathered tears), that I feel better about whatever relatively small trouble I’m obsessing about at the moment. His answer is always simple- turn to G-d, and help will arrive There are several traditions related to what specific Psalms to read during pregnancy and birth: (locate the recommended Psalms online at http://www.breslov.com/bible/Psalms.htm ) Psalms for Pregnancy Rabbi Chaim Kanyevsky recommends reciting the following psalms every day of pregnancy: Psalms number: 1, 4, 5, 8, 20, 35, 57, 93, 108 Psalms for the Birth There is a popular custom that when the wife is in active labor she or her husband should repeat psalm number 20, twelve times. Lubavitch Chassidic custom instructs us to read the following psalms during the birth: 1, 2, 3, 4, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 33, 47, 72, 86, 90, 91, 92, 93, 104, 112, and 113 to the end of the book of Psalms. You can read these Psalms in your own copy of the Hebrew Bible, or at the following great link, which features the whole Bible in English translation as well as the original Hebrew. http://www.breslov.com/bible/Psalms.htm

Yom Kippur Fast?

JewishMom — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 10:51:51 +0000
This was a question sent to me by a pregnant JewishMOM before Yom Kippur… Dear Rabbi, The famous question. What about fasting? By the time Yom Kippur rolls around, God Willing, I will be 10 weeks pregnant. I know about breaking the fast if it concerns endangering health of mother or unborn…however, As I have never been pregnant, have fasted all of my life for both major and most minor fasts, I would appreciate a little guidance. If I was in the States, I would know who to contact. I would feel very fortunate with have access to a supportive Jewish community in California or New York. The reality is I am in Berlin Germany, I am 43 and I just would feel better getting some info in English. I am not really connected to the Jewish Community in Berlin mostly because the spirituality around here is hard to find. Oy, I have tried, but it is really strange place. And there are not any spiritual leaders with whom I feel comfortable. Maybe with all the changes, they will come someday. In the meantime… Actually, I would also appreciate any other connections to support links to help me feel less isolated. Thanks! From Rabbi David Sperling A. Fasting for a pregnant woman on Yom Kippur (the other fasts have different laws, and are generally more lenient). 1.In a case of, G-d forbid, danger to the life of the mother, or the fetus, or even a possible danger, we break the fast (on how to eat see below). 2. Jewish law records the case of a women who, upon smelling some food for example, lusts to eat it. This is considered life threatening, and if after being reminded that it is Yom Kippur she still wants to eat, we give her a few drops to eat. We up the amount of food slowly until she no longer needs to eat. I have not heard of this happening in our day and age. 3. More common is a woman who feels nauseous, dizzy or faint. There is an argument amongst modern Rabbis how sick she must feel in order to eat. Rav Nebenzal (of the Old City of Jerusalem) is very lenient and rules that in any cases of dizziness (even mildly) or nausea, she should eat in “measures” (see below) and if that does not suffice, she should eat normally. She can even start eating before the nausea begins, if she is sure that the fast will cause the nausea to come. There is an even more lenient opinion (or Rav Fischer of the Bedatz of the Adah Haradit) who tells all women from the seventh month on (until the ninth) that they must drink in “measures” as a preventive health measure. This opinion is not generally followed. Rav Mordichay Eliyahu (previous Serphadi Chief Rabbi) rules that one must be much stricter and cannot break the fast for dizziness or nausea. I would suggest that if the mother feels well she should begin the fast, and if she then feels herself to be sick (especially vomiting or other signs of dehydration) she should break the fast by eating in measures. However mild dizziness and nausea that can be coped with by lying down should be endured. But this depends very much on the general health of the mother and fetus. 4. There is an opinion that obligates women in the ninth month to at least drink in “measures” so as not arrive at labour without enough liquids. This is not generally followed, but someone who has fears about birth and wants to follow such an opinion has on whom to rely. 5. It should be stressed that the obligation to fast is much greater than the obligation to go to synagogue. A woman who knows that going to the synagogue will cause (or add to) the possibility of having to break the fast, should not go. It is better to spend the day in bed lying down if needs be, than to go out and have to eat. A husband should also be reminded that he has an obligation to stay home and take care of his wife or children rather than go to pray with a minyan, in order that his wife be able to fast. 6. Medically needed tablets (for low iron etc) can be taken, when needed, on the fast, without water. 7. All the above is written for normal healthy pregnancies. If there are any complications, or a medical history of problem, one should consult a Rabbi with the details. And in general it is better to talk to a rabbi who knows you personally and not rely on what I have written. 8. Eating in “measures”: one eats less than 30 cubic cm of food, no more than every nine minutes, and drinks less than a cheek-full of liquid (about 40 ml) every nine minutes. The food and drink do not join together and one can eat the amount above, as well as drink the amount above in the same nine minutes. But one must be careful that the food of one 9 mins does not overlap with the food of the next 9 mins. (That is not to eat the food at the end of one 9 min. period and the next lot at the start of the next 9 mins. But rather there should be 9 mins between each lot of food.). Before the fast one can prepare a small measuring cup and determine the size of the food (it is about what fits into an average Israeli match-box), or drink. May you be healthy in body and soul, and inscribed for a good year. Please Note: This site is designed for educational purposes only. You should not rely on this information as a substitute for personal medical advice.

Carlebach Teachings

JewishMom — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 10:51:51 +0000
Holy Pregnancies (Translated from the books Kedushat Yeladim and Omek HaLev (Hebrew) edited by Rabbi Yachad Witt.) Here are some wonderful, spine-tingling, goose-bump raising sayings from the late Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach z”l. You can read these teachings over quickly, or you can close your eyes after each one and savor it for a long time. That’s because all of Reb Shlomo’s teachings are inspiring on a simple level, and much deeper and sweeter if you take some time to think about them. For more information on Rabbi Carlebach, click here: http://www.rebshlomo.org/ Reb Shlomo taught: What do children learn in their mothers’ bellies for nine months? They learn why their souls need to come down to this world right now. They learn what their role will be in the world. My rabbi cannot teach me this, and no holy book in the world can answer this question This is the torah of the nine months. We pray so much that we should become parents before our babies are born- we really pray with all our hearts. But now that we have already received them from Heaven, we do not pray so much. The truth is that after children are born, we really need to pray for them all the time as well. The woman is the one who brings a child to the world. Men have only a small part in creating a baby. Pregnancy and birth are too deep for us men. They are too high for us- that’s holiness that we are not able to reach. That is the holy secret that the Creator of the Universe passed on only to women so that they can be holy mothers. Everyone knows that Elijah the Prophet comes to the circumcision of every Jewish boy, but when does he come to every girl? Under the wedding canopy, of course. And why does Elijah wait until the wedding? Because the truth is that the most important thing for Jewish women is to bring more holy souls into the world, and for that reason Elijah waits to come to their weddings and bless every Jewish woman that she will have the strength to build a Jewish home, and to be a holy mother to her children. Before a child is born, he asks the Holy One, “Why do I need to be created?” And the Holy One answers him, “The world of souls is spiritual and holy but the physical world is the Holy of Holies.” Why do children close their eyes when they are born? They want to know how much their parents love them even when they don’t see them. When children are born, they know that their parents love them so much, and that they want to give their children everything even when the children don’t know about it. This is the reason babies close their eyes during the birth.

JewishMom — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 10:51:51 +0000
Know of any other amazing articles/sites I should link to? Please write me! www.TheJewishWoman.com: Amazing Articles on Pregnancy and Birth for Jewish women. I love this site! Fantastic practical and inspirational articles by Jewish women about their experiences of pregnancy and birth. Also, articles on customs for pregnancy. Fascinating reading, with a bunch of pregnancy miracle stories thrown in for dessert. What could be better? http://www.chabad.org/theJewishWoman/article.asp?AID=323393 www.Mikvah.org: Fantastic Articles on Pregnancy and Childbirth- Excerpts from Jewish books on birthing, and other original articles on birth and pregnancy from a Jewish perspective. DON’T MISS THIS SITE!! http://mikvah.org/inside.asp?id=8 Rebbetzin Faige Twersky on “The Spiritual Side of Pregnancy”- What is a Jewish woman supposed to be doing during pregnancy? This link contains words of wisdom from the incomparable Rebbetzin Faige Twersky. Never heard of her? I am a huge fan of Rebbetzin Faige- I think she’s unbelievable. My dream is to one day be half (make that a quarter) as smart and insightful as she is about life! You can read her regular column on Aish.com and her fantastic book (one of my favorites) Ask Rebbetzin Faige. http://www.aish.com/family/rebbitzen/Spiritual_Side_of_Pregnancy.asp ImaMother.com- Amazing Resource! A wide array of very active discussion forums for Orthodox mothers and mothers-to-be on tons of different topics from pregnancy to parenting teenagers to mothers’ favorite Shabbat recipes. VERY HIGHLY RECOMMENDED! (Sorry, this site is restricted to Orthodox mothers…) “The Wonder that is Woman”- The challenge and the miracle of birth from the Lubavitcher Rebbe.http://www.chabadonline.com/scripts/tgij/paper/Article.asp?ArticleID=1544 “What Happened on Your Birthday”- A Jewish approach to birthdays, and the potential of a human life.http://www.chabadonline.com/scripts/tgij/paper/Article.asp?ArticleID=2527 Photographs of Developing Embryo Beautiful!! These incredible photographs will help you connect with the miracle that is taking place inside your bellyful of baby. http://w-cpc.org/fetal1.html How to Prevent Miscarriage- An must-see site for every woman who hopes to have a baby. Created by Jewish woman in order to help all women avoid the pain of pregnancy loss! Unbelievable! Pregnant women of the world salute you! http://www.preventpregnancyloss.org/

Bookshelf

JewishMom — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 10:51:51 +0000
When I’m pregnant, the only subjects I really want to hear, think, or talk about are pregnancy, birth, and babies. And the only books I really want to read are books about… you guessed it! Here are my favorites. I’d love to hear about other books. Please write me if you have suggestions. I also wanted to tell you my personal prescription for a better birth. Before every birth, I reread the books Labor of Love by Rachel Broncher, The Jewish Woman’s Guide to Childbirth by Aviva Rappaport, and Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin. This is a winning trio!!! I will not give birth without reviewing these books! Find out why below… A Jewish Woman’s Guide to Childbirth by Aviva Rappaport This is my favorite Jewish birth book. I was hooked after I read this line in the preface: “Over the years of raising a family, I found that while I remained enthusiastic about childbirth, [even] looking forward to the experience, most women definitely did not feel the same way. I wondered why. Was I just lucky?…Or was there something many women were missing.” Any woman who manages to look forward to childbirth (instead of dreading it from the moment she gets the results to her pregnancy test- as I do) is a woman whose book I want to read. This book teaches readers with wonderful personal stories and a lot of warmth and common sense about how to make pregnancy and birth physically better by focusing on them as powerful spiritual events. My favorite story in the book is about a Chassidic grandmother who has attended enough births to sense the birth’s arrival with more accuracy than the midwives. After visiting her laboring daughter, she went into the corridor to tell the staff, “She’ll have the baby soon.” The nurse asked her, “How do you know? We didn’t check her yet.” The grandmother answered, “Her face is glowing,” and, of course, the baby was born within minutes. The author explains that every mother who is about to push out a baby has a special radiant glow- coming from the unique spiritual connection that a woman experiences at the moment of birth. The author also provides lots of practical advice about how to prepare for the birth. I have read A LOT of pregnancy books, and I still learned lots of things I had never heard- about helpful herbs, great advice on how to create a good rapport with the delivery room staff, and recommended food lists that dare to mention Best Odds no no’s such as cheesecake and chocolate bars…way to go! Collections of Women’s Prayers Just tonight I was at a class at our synagogue, and a very pregnant woman was sitting next to me. She was shifting in her seat that was not-so-suited for her pregnant proportions, and rubbing her belly full of bouncing baby, and clearly needed to get up and focus on herself and her soon-to-be-baby and not on whatever the lecturer was saying. I loved seeing that, since I could so relate to it. Since the concerns of mothers often differ from the concerns of other human beings, a few centuries ago European women started writing their own prayers about the subjects they really care about- their kids, their husbands, the Jewish people, (and of course) themselves. I love these prayers- and sometimes I say a few before I go to bed at night just to make myself feel better. To learn more about these prayers, and to see a few examples, click here. I recommend this book, Joyful Mother of Children : A Compilation of Prayers, Suggestions and Laws for the Jewish Expectant Family by Dovid Simcha Rosenthal and also Tefilas Chana: A Collection of Prayers for the Jewish Woman Nine Wonderful Months–B’Sha’ah Tovah: The Jewish Woman’s Clinical & Halachic Guide by Rabbi Baruch and Michal Finkelstein This book discusses the medical aspects of pregnancy and childbirth, and also provides an introduction to Jewish issues- such as naming the baby, blessings to say after the birth, and a few inspirational chapters on pregnancy and childbirth in Jewish thought. Labor of Love by Rachel Broncher I HIGHLY recommend the book Labor of Love by Rachel Broncher . Most midwives will tell you that the most important factor in determining whether a woman’s birth will be a good experience for her or not is HER ATTITUDE. Does she come to the birth with a sense of humor? A sense of perspective? A sense of the incomparable gift that awaits her at the end of all of this blood, sweat, and tears? I was due to give birth YESTERDAY, and I must confess that I am struggling with a fairly rotten attitude towards birth at the moment. I am scared and worried and pretty nervous about just how this huge baby is going to get from my “Are-You-Having-Twins?” belly to my arms that are already itching for a baby. BUT I’M WORKING ON IT!!!! I have been re-reading Labor of Love, which is required reading for any women who are struggling to become a bit less worried and a lot more confident and joyful as they approach the birth. Special Delivery: Jewish Birth Stories of Faith and Inspiration by Sarah Goldstein Feldheim says about this book: “Thousands of women give birth every day, and yet no two births are alike. In this special book, women describe their beautiful birth experiences, imparting their personal joy and warmth for us to share in. The uplifting tone of the book, as well as the courage, strength, and faith of the women whose stories are featured make this a truly heart-warming read. From a birth on the Williamsburg Bridge to the wonderful surprise of twins, to an extraordinarily powerful tale of a birth in Auschwitz, these true-life stories testify to the beauty of birth when coupled with faith in G-d and loving support.” Spiritual Midwifery If you’re still worrying about the birth after reading these books, you might want to hit yourself over the head with the ecstatic/psychedelic hippy birth experiences described in Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin. This book is pretty weird and probably not so kosher, but it is very likely to make you look forward to the birth a bit more. This book contains mostly interviews with women who gave birth at “the farm”- a hippy commune where the women had tons of babies, and taught themselves to be midwives so that they could give birth at home. These women love giving birth- they are even laughing through the contractions. I couldn’t stop staring at the photograph of a birthing woman who looks as though she’s never had more fun in her life! As I said before (in another review) – if they are enjoying birth so much, then that is a book I want to read and learn from. I make sure to read this over before every birth, in order to psyche myself up about the Big Event!

Segulot (Auspicious Practices)

JewishMom — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 10:51:51 +0000
What are Auspicious Traditions (Segulot)? Jewish Mysticism teaches that the smallest good deed- from lighting Sabbath candles, to giving charity, to taking a moment each day to thank G-d for giving you life – has a disproportionately large positive effect in the world and in the spiritual realm as well. This is similar to the way in which a small candle can light up a whole dark room. Pregnancy is an important time to invest in lighting up these dark rooms in your life- for your sake as well as the sake of the baby inside of you. The primary way to do this is through prayer, Jewish study, and performance other commandments. In addition, Jewish mysticism teaches about the influence of auspicious practices (known as “segulot”) that have been used for hundreds or even thousands of years to assist in bringing about a safe pregnancy and birth. There are several explanations for why segulot are effective: Segulot help to keep you focused on G-d’s role in bringing a new human being into the world, enabling you to remain confident and relaxed as you remind yourself that you are in the best possible hands. This is similar to a man’s use of a prayer shawl while praying, in that a physical object inspires him to be more G-d focused. Segulot have a positive effect because of mystical workings that are beyond human understanding. The power of suggestion and the principle of mind over matter are at work. For example, during my second birth I concentrated on the auspicious verse, “And he is like a groom coming out from his wedding canopy, rejoicing like a hero who has run the whole way.” Repeating this verse over and over to myself helped me to visualize my own little groom (make that little bride) getting ready to come out of me. Saying this verse also helped me to relax, and gave me confidence because of my belief in the inherent mystical power of the verse to enable the birth to progress more smoothly and quickly (by that point in labor, I was ready to believe anything!) In the following examples of auspicious practices, I have provided a short possible explanation for each practice, even though in most cases I was unable to find any official rabbinic rationale in books specializing on this topic. (In other words, please take my explanations with a grain of salt or two. Or three.) Wait to Share the Great News Jewish tradition advises not sharing news of the pregnancy with people outside of your immediate family until you are in your second trimester, or (some traditions recommend) until the pregnancy is visible. There is a traditional explanation for this custom related to not wanting to promote jealousy, but there are other obvious benefits as well. If, G-d forbid, a woman does miscarry during the risky first trimester, the situation will not be made even more difficult by having to share this tragic news with acquaintances, colleagues at work, and distant relatives. I have also found that the inability to complain about the nausea and exhaustion of the first trimester to every innocent passerby makes this tough period pass more quickly (for them, and for me!). Invest in Spiritual Development There is a famous story about a father who asked a rabbi when he should start educating his child about religion. The rabbi answered, “Twenty years before the child’s birth.” The simple reading of this answer is that the children of religiously-educated parents will benefit from their parents’ knowledge. A learned parent will be able to teach his/her children all about Jewish life- from the meaning of the shofar-blowing on Rosh Hashana, to the details of the Jewish wedding ceremony, to the nature of G-d’s special relationship with the Jewish people. On a more mysterious level, however, the rabbis of the Talmud (Oral Law) teach that every Jewish baby develops spiritually in utero, and even receives private Torah tutoring from an angel for the whole pregnancy. The Rabbis further explain that there is a connection between the mother’s spiritual state during pregnancy (and in the period before the conception, and during the conception itself) on the spiritual development of the fetus. To illustrate this point, the Talmud tells the story of a mother who would stand by the entrance to schools for Jewish study in order to make sure that her child would love the Torah, and the baby she gave birth to, Rabbi Joshua, became one of the greatest rabbis in Jewish history. Pregnant women can try to give their baby a spiritual head start by investing more in prayer, in the performance of commandments, and in expanding their knowledge about Judaism through reading and attending classes. Invest in your Emotional Health Jewish tradition encourages pregnant women to zealously guard their upbeat outlooks and positive perspectives by avoiding situations that will bring them down emotionally- such as listening to slander, gossip and crude talk. Other no-nos are becoming angry, and looking at scary things (sorry to all the horror movie fans out there). These recommendations remind us of the vulnerability of the fetus, and the negative effects our surroundings and the mood they put us in can have on the baby we are carrying. In 2001, scientists at SUNY Stony Brook confirmed these traditional suspicions about the relationship between mommy’s moods and baby’s development with research findings that optimists have fewer high-risk newborns than pessimistic pregnant ladies (thanks to my Aunt Sheila for sending this article!). Be careful to only eat kosher food Imagine feeding your newborn baby junk food full of harmful chemicals, or putting a cigarette in his or her mouth! In the same way you should try to make sure that all the nourishment he or she receives from you during pregnancy will help to promote the spiritual health of this new and perfect soul. The why and how of keeping kosher: http://www.aish.com/literacy/mitzvahs/ABCs_of_Kosher.asp Give charity On Yom Kippur, we ask that prayer, charity, and spiritual awakening will cancel any Divine decrees against us. Jewish law requires us to give ten percent of all earnings to charity, and our tradition further encourages us to reach into our pockets a few more times by reminding us that giving charity can awaken G-d’s mercy on us. This is of special importance during pregnancy- one of the most vulnerable periods in a woman’s (and this new little human being’s) life. Because of this, some women and their husbands give a small amount of charity every day during pregnancy (even a few pennies), and during the birth as well. Learn more about giving charity during the birth according to the Breslov Chassidic tradition. Eat something every Saturday night, after sundown The tradition of eating a meal when the Sabbath ends, called Melave Malka (“accompanying the Queen” – in honor of the parting of the queen of the Jewish people, the Sabbath) is a common Jewish custom, and is especially popular among pregnant women (and not only because you’re starving all the time!) As you sit down to eat your meal you should state out loud that you are performing the commandment of eating a melave malka. This bridge between the Sabbath and the rest of the week enables you to bring along some of the spirituality and happy-heartedness of the Sabbath into the week, and to lift delicate and roller-coaster pregnant spirits that tend to plunge downward after the sky darkens on Saturday night. If you don’t know why your spirits would be dragging Saturday night, it probably means that your Sabbath is still just Friday and Saturday, and that you are missing out on Judaism’s greatest gift to the Jewish family- an oasis of uninterrupted spirituality and wonderful family time (and the highlight of my week! Honest!) Click here to learn about the Holy Sabbath at http://www.aish.com/shabbat. A beautiful site with hundreds of articles on how to transform Saturday in Shabbat!

Techinot- Traditional Prayers

JewishMom — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 10:51:51 +0000
Traditional Women’s Prayers for Pregnancy The following techinot are for women to recite during pregnancy (Appeared Originally in the Yiddish Zultsbach prayer book from 1825): “May it be your will G-d, my L-rd and the L-rd of my ancestors, that you will ease for me the difficulty of pregnancy, and that You will increase my strength, and the strength of my fetus, so that my strength and the strength of my fetus will not be weakened by any weakness or loss of strength. And that you will save me from the slip of Eve, who was punished, “I will increase your suffering and distress, with suffering you will give birth to children.” When my time to give birth will arrive, I will give birth easily, and without any pain, and the baby will go out into the air of the world easily, and without any harm to me or to the baby. And the baby will be born with good luck [mazal tov], into life, peace, health, wealth, and honor, and will find grace in Your eyes and in the eyes of all your creations, and through this child will be fulfilled the verse: “There will not be a mourner or a barren woman in your land, I will give you a full life,” so you will complete my days and years, and my husband and I will be able to raise this child to serve You and we will merit to teach this child your holy Torah, and we will merit to have peace and wealth, honor and rest. And guard us, my fetus and me, that we will not be harmed, not physically, and not in any of our limbs, and not in any of our nerves, and not in our skin and not in our flesh, and not on the inside of our bodies or on the outside. And you will strengthen my courage, my strength, and my might, as it says: “There will be healing for your flesh, and refreshment for your bones.” My eyes are raised up to You, so that You will answer me, G-d, my L-rd, and I will rejoice in G-d, Who helps me and saves me, G-d my savior, who rushes to assist me. I am looking forward to your salvation, G-d, at every moment. G-d, hear my voice, have mercy upon me and answer me. Do this for the sake of the holy Patriarchs, who resided in dust, and in the merit of their good deeds. You will remember their love and you will keep alive their seed, and you will save me from all bad sicknesses and painful things, and you will bless me, as You promised in your holy Torah through Moses, the loyal one of Your house, “I will love you, and bless you, and increase you, and I will bless the fruit of your womb and the fruit of your land: your wheat, your wine, your pure oil, the increase of your cattle and the flocks of your sheep, in the land which G-d swore to your ancestors to give to you. You will be blessed above all the nations, and there will be no barren men or women among you or among your cattle.” So too you should bless me, and have mercy upon me, and answer me, and lengthen our days with goodness and pleasantness, as it is written, “I will satisfy him with long days, and I will show him my salvation,” Amen. Traditional Prayer (Techina) for the Husband to recite during Wife’s Pregnancy: Master of the Universe! I thank You for your graciousness to me in granting your maidservant, my wife, pregnancy. May the Name of G-d be blessed and uplifted above all blessing and praise. Therefore, may it be Your will, Hashem our G-d, and G-d of our ancestors, to have mercy on all the pregnant women of Your nation Israel. Ease their suffering in pregnancy, and save them from miscarrying an unborn child. Spare those that are in labor from all evil with Your abundant compassion, and let them give birth to (children that will have) good lives. Among them, may Your compassion come forth on behalf of my wife, Your maidservant (fill in wife’s name) daughter of (fill in mother-in-law’s name) and ease the pains of her pregnancy, and when the term of her pregnancy is complete, may she give birth easily, and let the child be born into the world at an appropriate time with good fortune for us and for the child. Let no sickness or blemish affect the mother or the child. May the child be whole in all its limbs and senses. May goodness be decreed upon this child, so that it will have good fortune. May I rejoice in my offspring and may my wife be happy with her children in this world and in the world to come, so that we may not be ashamed or discomfited, and not stumble forever and ever. In Your great, mighty and awesome holy Name we trust. Oh G-d, full of mercy, be abundantly merciful with us, and seal the mouth of the accuser that he not harm my wife at the time she gives birth, and may all those that rise up against us to do harm fall with terror and dread, and be silent as if struck by a stone before Your mighty right hand. Bring Your compassion swiftly to assist us, for we are brought very low.

JewishMom — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 11:13:06 +0000
Birth and Breslov: Living Rebbe Nachman’s Teachings (Reprinted from Expecting Miracles: Finding Meaning and Spirituality in Pregnancy through Judaism) Read how the teachings of the founder of Breslov Chassidism, Rabbi Nachman of Breslov (1772-1810), have enriched Yehudis Golshevsky’s birthing experiences: Yehudis Golshevsky would be happy to hear from you with questions and comments at yehudisg@013.net Preparations for the Birth: Personal Experiences As a woman who has been through several pregnancies and births, I find myself in agreement with the conventional wisdom of childbirth preparation. Prenatal healthcare, a proper diet, stress reduction, and exercise are of course all excellent guidelines. The preparations that Breslov teachings suggest, however, go much deeper than that, and they compel us to delve more deeply into ourselves. They help us become more attuned to the spiritual and supra-personal nature of birth—in other words, how childbirth affects and reflects our own spiritual growth, and its significance as a living universal metaphor. One could say, then, that birthing in a way consistent with Rebbe Nachman’s teachings might mean spending time during pregnancy actively studying his lessons that relate to birth. They provide a focus for our prayer during pregnancy, and can later become the wellspring of insights we draw upon during birth. Between contractions, during contractions, the mental images that arise from those teachings become the stuff of our birth meditation and visualization. What’s more, Rebbe Nachman’s teachings provide us with practical guidance—real things to do during birth for the woman, her husband, and her loved ones—that help us through the process and keep us focused on the sacred nature of birth Effect of Our Behavior on Fetus A contemporary leader of Breslov Chassidim has said that pregnant women must bear in mind how their thoughts, emotions, and actions influence the children that they carry.[1] If, as Rebbe Nachman teaches, a nursing mother must think pure thoughts to ensure that the milk she feeds her baby instills a holy and pure nature in her child, certainly a pregnant woman is no different.[2 The fetus is a living part of her, and all that she sees, does, feels, and thinks during pregnancy has an effect on the adult this baby will grow to be. Our emotional states can also have a pronounced effect on the birth itself. Rebbe Nachman teaches that, “Anger makes a woman have a difficult labor.”[3 Since that is the case, working on one's anger is yet another level of childbirth preparation—one that I have found to be the most challenging of all. Charity During Birth Charity Opens the Womb Rebbe Nachman teaches that, “Commandments, good deeds, and all aspects of serving G–d are like birth. Before the birth, how many contractions, how much crying out, does the birthing woman have to go through before she actually gives birth! Particularly, a woman having her first child…it is most difficult for her…for all beginnings are difficult.” This particular lesson then discusses the actions that facilitate this physical opening of the womb as well as the opening of our own hearts and minds to serve G–d at a higher level. “Giving charity is always the beginning as in, ‘You will surely [give] openly to him.’[1] [The Torah's words—“patoach tiftach”—literally mean “you will open an opening.”] For even when an opening and a beginning already exists, giving charity widens the opening even more.”[2] Although Rebbe Nachman stresses here the opening effect that giving charity has when we begin a new spiritual endeavor, we must not lose sight of the fact that he discusses the concept within the metaphorical framework of birth. This means that giving charity during labor has a dilating effect on the womb itself. This giving has to be conscious, however. It has to be done with a deep faith in the power of the giving. If I hold money in my hands, I must make sure to give it freely, with both hands.[3] I have to close my eyes and offer a silent prayer, “Hashem, please allow this act of giving, of opening, to help open my womb.” The mind’s knowledge, the hands’ giving, and the prayer then converge to awaken a parallel opening within. Even when the birthing woman has moved past the point in her labor where she feels she can actively give, her husband and loved ones can continue to give charity in her merit. Reb Nosson, Rebbe Nachman’s closest disciple, clearly states that acts of selfless giving are the main way in which the “closed mem” [sealed–up space] of the womb is transformed into two “dalets” [two doors] that open wide.[4] Interestingly, the Hebrew word for contractions [“tsirim”] is identical to the Hebrew word for “hinges.” This, too, is a possible image for visualization during the birth. With each contraction, the “hinges” of the womb open more and more.[5] Selfless giving, then, is the “key” that can open the doors of the womb. When I told this to a friend (also a mother), she said: “That makes sense. Selfless giving is a lot of what parenting is about too.” The Power of Dancing, Singing, and Clapping during Labor Birth, throughout Chassidic and Kabbalistic sources, is considered a time of “dinim” [judgements] and should be dealt with using the tools that mitigate judgements at other times as well. Some possibilities are dancing, hand–clapping[6], and perhaps most importantly, giving “redemption” money to a Tsaddik [righteous person] with the laboring woman’s name so that he will intercede on her behalf in the heavenly courts.[7] During labor, I have felt as though my husband’s praying, dancing, and clapping has been a path running sometimes parallel, sometimes flush with and overlapping, my own road to meet the children. I really don’t know what the midwives made of the man in black who danced and cried with a Book of Psalms behind the curtain, but I could feel him working in his own way to get those babies out. During the birth of our second child, we sang the songs of the end of the Sabbath together (I was the one singing in an undertone), and finished them just before I went into transition. I do not believe that I had ever, or have ever since, felt their yearning, their beauty and power, as intensely and personally as I did then. Crying Out During Birth “Sometimes, when one’s G–dly awareness and the flow of Divine abundance is hidden, as if they were in gestation, then crying out is good for a person. It is good whether the crying out is in prayer or in Torah study…This is like a woman who is too exhausted to finally push the baby out. When she crouches to push, she cries out ‘seventy cries’ (the number of words in Psalm Twenty). She then gives birth…Hashem, who knows the hidden matter of where one’s G–dly awareness is hidden, hears our cries.”[1] The release of crying out in prayer to G–d during birth is like the crying of the Shechina [Divine Presence] and it awakens G–d’s mercy. The child, this completely new revelation of G–dly awareness, is born into the world by virtue of the same crying out that opens the way for all new knowledge of G-d to come into being. “Every Jewish soul is a new revelation, a new element of knowledge of the One Who spoke and created the universe. For this is a general principle, that Hashem never makes the same thing twice…even reincarnated souls do not come back in exactly the same spiritual configuration as they did at first… Every time a new Jewish soul comes into the world, then, an entirely new spiritual intellect comes into being.”[2] If we keep this in mind during birth, then our crying out becomes part of the universal cry of longing to see more clearly, to know G–d more intimately. It expresses our yearning to understand G–d’s ways at an entirely new and more complete level. It is an exercise of faith, and strengthens our faith. Faith and Gratitude Rebbe Nachman teaches that one should recite psalm 100 (“Mizmor li’Todah”) for a woman in childbirth. The deep reasoning underlying this piece of advice is too complex to address fully here.[1] At its core, the teaching where we find this advice is about recognizing the difference between product (the result of our efforts) and process (the efforts themselves). It is about looking at all the various ups and downs of our lives, the multiplicity of apparent causes and effects, without losing sight of the Single Source from which they all derive. What many women find most challenging about birth is its demand that we relinquish control and accept that G-d is orchestrating the process. Like life, childbirth is a lesson in accepting our limitations, and shatters the illusion that we control the situations in which we find ourselves. It is as though G-d insists that we learn to let go of our attachment to seeing the results we want, when we want them, and allow Him to guide us through the process of expending pure effort instead. Birth can then become a lens through which we view our own lives more maturely, more honestly. Moreover, when we recite “Mizmor li’Todah” [A Song of Thanks] during labor, we learn to give thanks for the entire journey with all its challenges, regardless of where it takes us. This thanksgiving is the essence of faith. During my last birth, after six hours of “no progress,” I stood at the wall and said so softly that only G–d and I could hear, “Hashem [G-d], You are in this with me. This baby will be born exactly when and how You want it to. I am entrusting myself to Your Hands, and I will be strengthened by relinquishing my control over what is happening here.” Then I went from seven centimeters to full dilation in one very long, very intense, contraction. “The main thing that alleviates difficulty in childbirth is faith. That is why prayer is so crucial, and why we find it customary among Jews to pray for a woman having a difficult birth. Prayer is an aspect of faith.”[2] Kabbalistic and Chassidic texts are full of the image of the Chalal HaPanui [Vacated Space]—the “primordial vacuum” that existed before the Creation. It is the space that left room for Creation to come into being, in which G–d creates the illusion that He is absent. It is from this illusion, this apparent vacuum, that heresy draws its life–force. G–d, however, is indeed in that space, since “there is no place devoid of Him.”[3] The womb is the physical manifestation of that place, and birth becomes the gateway through which we find G–d in all the places where He seems to hide from us. I have found that birth can be the most powerful spiritual experience that there is, because it is the physical reliving of the primal birth of G–dly awareness. It is the birth of the universe, the playing out of the saga of the exile and redemption of the Jewish people. It is the birth of a new world of knowledge of Hashem. “That is why Mizmor li’Todah is particularly effective when said on behalf of a woman who is having a difficult labor. The psalm speaks of faith: ‘Know that Hashem is G–d,’ and ends off with, ‘His faith endures from generation to generation.’ For faith is mainly renewed and strengthened from generation to generation, by bringing down new souls. Each one is a distinct aspect of new awareness of G–dliness—and that is what can alleviate any difficulty in childbirth.”[4] Reb Nosson’s Prayer [5] (A traditional Breslov prayer for a birthing woman) May You be filled with mercy for all the women who are laboring right now, and save them from all pain and harm (especially “woman’s name the daughter of mother’s name”). Master of the universe, You are always full of great mercy, You know her pain and suffering, You know her heart and the hearts of her parents and all those who are suffering along with her. See their poverty and their travail, see their pain. May Your powerful and hidden mercy be awakened for this poor woman who is on the birthing stool, whose heart is downcast and broken. Open the gates of mercy and lovingkindness for her, the gates of pity and compassion. Open the gates of birth for her, and in Your great mercy, open the “closed mem” of her womb that encloses the fetus, the “mem” that parallels the “mem” [forty] days during which the fetus was formed. In Your great lovingkindness, open this “closed mem” and transform it into two “dalets.” Then, in Your great and true mercy, the doors of this poor laboring woman’s womb will open. Help her to give birth immediately, with ease, without any further difficulty. Say to the angel, “Stay your hand!” You who say to Your universe, “Enough!” say “Enough” to her pain! You are full of kindness and do so much good, have pity and mercy. Act with her in accordance with Your great kindness. Open the doors of birth for her immediately, without any further disruption or delay. For she has already suffered so much pain and bitterness, she cannot bear any more. You do kindness that we can understand to be kindness too, grant us an undeserved favor and do not delay her birth any longer. Help her and save her in Your mercy, that the hinges and doors of her womb will open immediately. May she give birth right away, easily, without any more pain at all—rather only with great mercy, pity, and kindness. And may the child emerge into the atmosphere of this world to a good life, to peace, and long and good days and years. Amen. [1] See Likutei Moharan II:2 in its entirety with the commentary of Torat Natan for a more complete treatment of the subject. [2] Torat Natan II:2:11 [3] Sha’arei HaLeshem II:14, “Mishnat Chochmat HaEmet” [4] Torat Natan, ibid [5] Likutei Tefillot I:30, final paragraph [1] Likutei Moharan I:21:7 [2] Likutei Halachot, Hilchot Tefillin 5:31 [1] Devarim 15: [2] Likutei Moharan II:4:2 [3] Sefer HaMiddot, Tzedaka I:27 [4] See the notes following Likutei Tefillot I:30 [5] “Just as a house has hinges…and doors, so too does a woman’s body have hinges…doors…and a key.” [Bechorot 45a] [6] Likutei Moharan I:10:6. Dancing and handclapping are expressions of spontaneous joy and egolessness (in the sense that a person who is concerned with how others see her rarely breaks out into the kind of silly dancing that is traditionally Jewish). That state of humility mitigates judgements. Rav Berland has explained that this works because dinim, not unlike conventional subpoenas, are only served to the person to whom they apply. When a person’s ego become nullified through dancing, it is as though she no longer exists. Hence, no din. [7] See Likutei Moharan I, lessons 10:1, 180, and 215. [1] Oral teaching heard from Rabbi Eliezer Berland, shlit”a. [2] Likutei Moharan II:1: [3] Sefer HaMiddot, Ka’as 4

JewishMom — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 11:13:06 +0000
For years, I’ve really wanted to have something on the site about cesarean sections, because there is a misconception among many women that real (i.e. vaginal) births are beautiful, spiritual, and are a necessary rite of passage to become a complete woman- and then, oy, there are c-sections- that are something to be ashamed of, feel like a failure about, and generally spend a week (or months) crying over, not because the stitches hurt so badly, but because you feel like you have failed as a woman, mother, Jewess, and resident of the planet Earth. A lot of women have c-sections- A LOT- and thank G-d, because c-sections are available, countless women and their babies, G-d willing, will be healthy after the birth (not to mention alive- which probably would not have been the case a hundred years ago). If you are pregnant now, there is a decent chance that you will be have a cesarean- and that is why I want to tell you all about Leah Glaser, a mother in my neighborhood who is in her seventh month of pregnancy, and has already set up the appointment for her seventh cesarean, and IS HAPPY ABOUT IT. Leah is the proud mother of 7 children. She grew up in a Reform Jewish home in Connecticut, and graduated from Brandeis with a major in Sociology of Spirituality. What can you do with a major in Sociology of Spirituality, you ask? Well, Leah decided to pursue advanced studies in her college major as a rebbetzin, teacher, and Pinsk-Karliner Chassid in a Yiddish-speaking section of Jerusalem. Now, Leah is one of the most natural people that I know. She’s the kind of person that you consult with about the best brand of organic sprouts to buy, or whether soy or almond milk are healthier. So, how is it that a woman who makes whole wheat challah every Shabbos is so into c-sections? This is her story… Twelve years ago, Leah was becoming observant, and at the same time she began thinking about the connection between Torah and living a healthy lifestyle- eating healthy and organic food and using natural-holistic healing in order to have healthier and stronger bodies with which to serve G-d. A few years later, Leah met her husband who, like her, teaches Judaism to beginners (he teaches at the Aish Hatorah Yeshiva) and they decided that G-d’s special mission for them was to teach people in the Orthodox community and the newly religious that G-d really wants them to be more natural- in how they eat, heal themselves, and give birth. She and her husband moved into a Chassidic community, and Leah taught a class on natural nutrition to ten of her Yiddish-speaking neighbors- introducing them for the first time to the benefits of eating tofu, sprouts, whole wheat flour etc. And then she got pregnant. Leah was preparing for months to ensure that she would have the most natural birth possible- since she was so worried about the affect of drugs on her and the baby. She took baths every night with rosemary oil, and drank liters and liters of raspberry tea. She did not take notes when her birthing class teacher discussed painkillers or c-sections- since she was sure that section of the class didn’t apply to her. Her waters broke one Saturday night during a melave malka meal, and she went with her private midwife, labor coach, and husband to the birthing center. It was a very difficult labor, and after fifty hours, the midwife walked in, and could tell from Leah’s contractions that she was going through transition (the part of labor right before the birth)- but when she measured her, Leah was still only three centimeters. The midwife started crying, and left the room. In the end, the baby was in distress, and the doctor decided on a cesarean. To say that Leah was disappointed would be the understatement of the century. She was depressed, traumatized, angry, and crushed. How could G-d have let her down? She had done everything possible to ensure that she would have a positive, beautiful birth- an opportunity to bond with her husband as well as to provide a personal example for other religious mothers that drug-free, natural births are possible and better for the mother and the baby. She had just wanted to do G-d’s will by being as healthy as possible, not wanting to use any drugs that she feared would hurt the baby, and G-d had rewarded her for her desire to serve Him with a c-section? For six weeks she was in a state of shock, and could barely function. A good friend carried her baby around in a sling, since she was too exhausted and devastated to take care of the baby outside of nursing her. When friends visited, she tried to put up a good front, saying, “I’m sure G-d runs the world,” and “Everything’s for the best,” but she felt like she was just mouthing cliches. And then there were two more births. Two more times her waters broke during the melave malka meal on Saturday night. Two more times she dilated to three centimeters after hours and hours of hard labor, followed by two more c-sections. The doctors could not figure out any reason why she could not dilate- the babies were not too big, she did not have any psychological or emotional blocks to explain it. All that Leah could figure out was that G-d was trying to tell her something- but she didn’t know what. Leah explains that it was at this point that, “Having the carpet ripped out from under us turned into a springboard for huge growth. It enabled my husband and me to become who we are today.” This growth came about through the gradual and simple revelation that she had been assuming that her will was the same as G-ds’ will. She had thought that what G-d wanted from her was to eat organic, drink raspberry tea, take homeopathy, and get Shiatsu pregnancy massages so that she would have beautiful intervention-free births. What she realized is that what G-d really wants from her is to make efforts according to the natural world to live a healthy, natural life, but to let go of the results. Or as Leah puts it,”We’re responsible for making the effort; G-d is responsible for the outcome.” Today, Leah continues to exercise, eat healthy, and drinks her pregnancy tea. She also schedules the appointment for her cesarean sections. But even this she does with a continued openness to G-d’s ultimate will. She still thinks it’s possible that G-d will surprise her, and she’ll go into labor and give birth naturally before the doctor can operate. To Leah, it no longer matters. What’ s important, and what actually makes being alive and serving G-d beautiful, is going about her life and watching G-d reveal the Divine will, which is so much more colorful and complex than anything Leah could have thought up. She has learned to want what G-d gives her, which, as strange as it may seem, is c-section after c-section. To this day, Leah can’t explain on a rational level why G-d wants her to go through a c-section each time she has a baby- having to send her children to neighbors’ houses in the weeks following the birth, and not being able to have students over during the long weeks of recovery. But she has come to accept that G-d’s understanding is infinitely bigger and greater than a mere human being’s understanding of what is rational, logical, and good. G-d does what G-d wants, so even though sometimes we look at the world and it looks as messed up as the bottom side of the carpet, G-d only sees the incredible, beautiful, intricate pattern on the top side. Leah today believes that while at this point in her life she can’t see the pattern, that’s OK with her. Just giving herself over to play the role that G-d wants her to in His universe is what being a Jew is really about. She, in her limited understanding had wanted to serve G-d by teaching her neighbors about the virtues of natural childbirth, and in the end, G-d wants her to serve Him by scheduling her c-sections with the doctor, and resting afterwards in order to recuperate. Leah compares her service of G-d to that of a worker in a factory. The factory owner likes it when his worker shows initiative, and comes up with his own ideas to improve the factory- just like Leah did when she tried to introduce healthy living to the Orthodox world. But if the worker’s suggestion hurts the interests of the factory as a whole, then the owner will reject the worker’s suggestions, even if the worker cannot understand the reason his suggestion has been rejected while standing at his spot next to the conveyer belt on the factory floor. Leah sees herself as a modern day Isaac, who demonstrates her willingness to sacrifice her own ego and give herself over to G-d’s will by offering herself up on the operating table once every few years. The cesareans also make it easier for her to relate to the traditional Jewish idea that parents are just caretakers of their children- that these little souls really belong to G-d, and not to them- since she does not give birth to her children in a certain sense- they just appear with no effort on her own part. Thanks to Leah for sharing her inspirational story with all of the pregnant ladies who come to visit Jewish Pregnancy/Childbirth Online- and may G-d bless her with much happiness, health, and a very easy recovery from her next birth.

Bookshelf

JewishMom — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 11:13:06 +0000
When I’m pregnant, the only subjects I really want to hear, think, or talk about are pregnancy, birth, and babies. And the only books I really want to read are books about… you guessed it! Here are my favorites. I’d love to hear about other books. Please write me if you have suggestions. I also wanted to tell you my personal prescription for a better birth. Before every birth, I reread the books Labor of Love by Rachel Broncher, The Jewish Woman’s Guide to Childbirth by Aviva Rappaport, and Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin. This is a winning trio!!! I will not give birth without reviewing these books! Find out why below… A Jewish Woman’s Guide to Childbirth by Aviva Rappaport This is my favorite Jewish birth book. I was hooked after I read this line in the preface: “Over the years of raising a family, I found that while I remained enthusiastic about childbirth, [even] looking forward to the experience, most women definitely did not feel the same way. I wondered why. Was I just lucky?…Or was there something many women were missing.” Any woman who manages to look forward to childbirth (instead of dreading it from the moment she gets the results to her pregnancy test- as I do) is a woman whose book I want to read. This book teaches readers with wonderful personal stories and a lot of warmth and common sense about how to make pregnancy and birth physically better by focusing on them as powerful spiritual events. My favorite story in the book is about a Chassidic grandmother who has attended enough births to sense the birth’s arrival with more accuracy than the midwives. After visiting her laboring daughter, she went into the corridor to tell the staff, “She’ll have the baby soon.” The nurse asked her, “How do you know? We didn’t check her yet.” The grandmother answered, “Her face is glowing,” and, of course, the baby was born within minutes. The author explains that every mother who is about to push out a baby has a special radiant glow- coming from the unique spiritual connection that a woman experiences at the moment of birth. The author also provides lots of practical advice about how to prepare for the birth. I have read A LOT of pregnancy books, and I still learned lots of things I had never heard- about helpful herbs, great advice on how to create a good rapport with the delivery room staff, and recommended food lists that dare to mention Best Odds no no’s such as cheesecake and chocolate bars…way to go! Collections of Women’s Prayers Just tonight I was at a class at our synagogue, and a very pregnant woman was sitting next to me. She was shifting in her seat that was not-so-suited for her pregnant proportions, and rubbing her belly full of bouncing baby, and clearly needed to get up and focus on herself and her soon-to-be-baby and not on whatever the lecturer was saying. I loved seeing that, since I could so relate to it. Since the concerns of mothers often differ from the concerns of other human beings, a few centuries ago European women started writing their own prayers about the subjects they really care about- their kids, their husbands, the Jewish people, (and of course) themselves. I love these prayers- and sometimes I say a few before I go to bed at night just to make myself feel better. To learn more about these prayers, and to see a few examples, click here. I recommend this book, Joyful Mother of Children : A Compilation of Prayers, Suggestions and Laws for the Jewish Expectant Family by Dovid Simcha Rosenthal and also Tefilas Chana: A Collection of Prayers for the Jewish Woman Nine Wonderful Months–B’Sha’ah Tovah: The Jewish Woman’s Clinical & Halachic Guide by Rabbi Baruch and Michal Finkelstein This book discusses the medical aspects of pregnancy and childbirth, and also provides an introduction to Jewish issues- such as naming the baby, blessings to say after the birth, and a few inspirational chapters on pregnancy and childbirth in Jewish thought. Labor of Love by Rachel Broncher I HIGHLY recommend the book Labor of Love by Rachel Broncher . Most midwives will tell you that the most important factor in determining whether a woman’s birth will be a good experience for her or not is HER ATTITUDE. Does she come to the birth with a sense of humor? A sense of perspective? A sense of the incomparable gift that awaits her at the end of all of this blood, sweat, and tears? I was due to give birth YESTERDAY, and I must confess that I am struggling with a fairly rotten attitude towards birth at the moment. I am scared and worried and pretty nervous about just how this huge baby is going to get from my “Are-You-Having-Twins?” belly to my arms that are already itching for a baby. BUT I’M WORKING ON IT!!!! I have been re-reading Labor of Love, which is required reading for any women who are struggling to become a bit less worried and a lot more confident and joyful as they approach the birth. Special Delivery: Jewish Birth Stories of Faith and Inspiration by Sarah Goldstein Feldheim says about this book: “Thousands of women give birth every day, and yet no two births are alike. In this special book, women describe their beautiful birth experiences, imparting their personal joy and warmth for us to share in. The uplifting tone of the book, as well as the courage, strength, and faith of the women whose stories are featured make this a truly heart-warming read. From a birth on the Williamsburg Bridge to the wonderful surprise of twins, to an extraordinarily powerful tale of a birth in Auschwitz, these true-life stories testify to the beauty of birth when coupled with faith in G-d and loving support.” Spiritual Midwifery If you’re still worrying about the birth after reading these books, you might want to hit yourself over the head with the ecstatic/psychedelic hippy birth experiences described in Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin. This book is pretty weird and probably not so kosher, but it is very likely to make you look forward to the birth a bit more. This book contains mostly interviews with women who gave birth at “the farm”- a hippy commune where the women had tons of babies, and taught themselves to be midwives so that they could give birth at home. These women love giving birth- they are even laughing through the contractions. I couldn’t stop staring at the photograph of a birthing woman who looks as though she’s never had more fun in her life! As I said before (in another review) – if they are enjoying birth so much, then that is a book I want to read and learn from. I make sure to read this over before every birth, in order to psyche myself up about the Big Event!

Spiritual Birth Tips

JewishMom — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 11:13:06 +0000
Spiritual Preparation for Birth (taken from a lecture given at Ohr Chaya in Jerusalem by Nurit Glazer called “Spiritual Preparation for the birth”) I listen to this tape several times before every birth! It is incredibly helpful! Here are the class’ main points… - Birth is the greatest opportunity in the life of a woman to connect with G-d. If we spend the birth just waiting for the time to pass, we are wasting one of the greatest opportunities in our lives. - Birth is a time to return to G-d (teshuva) through the happiness we feel to be bringing a new soul into the world. -Your thoughts should focus on a spiritual place, and not on the physical sensation of the contraction. Concentrate on the fact that G-d is opening your cervix. The doctors and midwives are G-d’s helpers, but only G-d can really help. Turn to G-d. -G-d is waiting for us to pray for help- for us to ask that He ease our pain. -Don’t worry about giving birth past your due date (unless your doctor tells you that you should worry about it.) There is a special time appointed for each baby to be born, and we should leave this up to the Creator of the world to decide. -During the birth we should concentrate on the thought that G-d is totally with us, as He is with every birthing woman. G-d controls every detail of our births. -The pain of birth is also from G-d. We are totally in His hands. -When you walk into the hospital, it is easy to forget that the birth is in G-d’s hands- and not controlled by the doctors, midwives, and big flashing, beeping machines. The moment you walk through the hospital’s sliding door, take a moment to remind yourself that G-d is opening your womb- that a new soul is coming into the world, and that G-d is the ultimate midwife. -She recommends reciting Biblical verses during the contractions. Click here for suggestions for different verses.

Traditional Prayers (Techinot)

JewishMom — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 11:13:06 +0000
Traditional Women’s Prayers (Techinot) for During and After Birth To be Recited by Others on Your Behalf During Active Labor: May it be Your will, O great, mighty and awesome G-d, that the merits of this poor woman who is trembling and crying out in her pains of childbirth, be remembered before You. If she has done anything against Your will, forgive and cleanse it through her suffering in the pain of her labor. May the sound of her cry ascend to Your Throne of Glory, and seal the mouth of her accusers; but may those who defend her with good deeds be gathered before You as is Your custom, to bestow goodness on the worthy and non-worthy alike. Spread Your mercy upon her, for You answer in time of distress. O merciful Ruler who is merciful to all, who redeems and saves, hears and answers! As soon as you can ritually wash your hands after the birth, say: After the birth of a girl: Baruch ata Adonay Elohanu Melech Haolam, Shehechiyanu, v’Kiyamanu, v’ Higiyanu l’zman hazeh. [Blessed are You G-d, L-rd of the Universe, Who has kept me alive, and sustained me, and made me arrive at this day.] After the birth of a boy: Baruch ata Adonay Elohanu Melech Haolam, haTov v’haMeiteev. [Blessed are You G-d, L-rd of the Universe, Who is good and brings us good.] When you are able to get out of bed after the birth, you should wash your hands and say the following: May it be Your wish, G-d our Lord, and G-d of our ancestors, Ruler of mercy: that the same way You have saved me from this great pain and from the dangers of giving birth, so too may Your mercies pour forth to rescue all the daughters of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, the descendants of those who truly loved You, from this danger. As You have saved me now, so do I beg You to show me a sign of favor each time that I give birth, Amen. If you will nurse the baby, you should also say the following prayer after you regain your strength and are able to get out of bed: May it be Your will to provide food for Your servant, this child, with plentiful milk sufficient for his/her needs, and make me aware of the appropriate time to nurse him/her, and make me sleep lightly so that if he/she cries out my ears should hear him/her immediately, and protect me from accidentally rolling over on him/her while I am sleeping. (These three translations appear in the book Sefer Yad L’Yoledet by Rabbi Yisroel Dov Webster, CIS Publishers). Required Blessing: Birkat Ha’Gomel Up until now, all prayers mentioned during pregnancy were optional. This one is very important (it’s recited by all people who have been in a life threatening situation). You should recite the following prayer in the presence of a minyan (ten men- or – very interesting- some halachic, [mainstream Orthodox] authorities permit the recitation of this prayer in the presence of ten women. Ask your local Orthodox rabbi if he approves of this idea…) I heard of a rebbetzin who got together a post-birth party to recite this blessing and tell her ten closest friends about the story of her birth. What a wonderful idea! I think I’m going to do that too… Baruch ata Adonay, elohaynu melech haolam, HaGomel l’Chayavim Tovot, Sh’G’malanee kol tov and they respond: Amen, mee sh’g’malcha kol tov, hu yeegmalcha kol tov, sela.

Amazing Birth Story

JewishMom — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 11:13:07 +0000
I’ve read a lot of birth stories, and this is my very favorite. Enjoy! My Birth by Sarah Zadok This is my story… It’s 3 am. I’m drifting somewhere in between sleep and awake…I’m curled up under soft down, lying peacefully beside my husband. My belly is big and ripe and my mind is empty… tranquil even. My body is loose and easy, I am totally relaxed. “POP!” An internal balloon pops inside of me, and a tiny stream of fresh, warm water begins to trickle from my insides. Ahhh, labor has begun… my baby is coming to me. I put on my moccasins and waddle to the bathroom and as I do, a contraction rushes through my body with the power of a tidal wave. I lean into the wall for support, breath deep and give in. My body is still loose; I am empty, open, ready. I let the contraction work it’s magic. I surrender. The rushes continue, they intensify, they crowd my being, – I welcome them. I am transforming… I am a daisy in the wind – innocent and vulnerable. I am a tigress –formidable and powerful, I am a hurricane – wild and raging, I am flame, purposeful and illuminating. I am a woman “W-O-M-A-N.” My husband gives me space to be all that I am. He knows this is a world to which he cannot attach, awed by the force of it all, he prays silently in the corner. He knows what I need. I don’t hear his words; only feel their honesty and intensity. I sense he means whatever it is that he is saying, and that feels good. I feel safe with him nearby, his prayer: a protection and a shield. My midwife wordlessly rubs scented oils down my back. The sweet smell of lavender, clarie sage, rose and jasmine rise all around me. Her touch is ecstasy. I have made a communion with my body and my soul. They are functioning as one whole. Every movement I make and sound I emit comes from a place so deep and innate, so primal, I know I have crossed worlds. I am very present, but I am not “here.” I am in “labor land.” Time does not exist where I am, fear is not welcome. I sweat, I groan, I rest, I squat, I smile. I feel G-d cradling me in His mighty Arms, He rocks me back and forth to the rhythm of this birth. “This is what your body was created to do.” He whispers. “Okay” I answer, “Okay.” He is my metronome, I sway to His beat. There is nothing else. I am supported, I am powerful, I am beautiful, I am humbled… I am ready. My body opens like a rose unfolding to the day’s first light and my sweet baby girl descends from her Eden inside and into the garden of this world below. She brings with her a piece of the World to Come. She is covered in its dew, pink with its secrets, and ripe with beginning. She is a part of me, of him and of Him. She is the connection to all that came before us, and all that lies ahead. I am higher than I have ever been. She has eyes and a mouth, little pink fingers and legs that kick. She is so real. I am drunk with her beauty. A new soul was born from inside of me. Cast from our union, shaped by love and prayer, molded by hope and faith. My baby girl looks at me. She sees me. Eyes wide open to the wonder of it all. There is nothing else than this moment. She is born, and so I am. Reprinted with permission from the author. Sarah Zadok is a childbirth educator, doula, and freelance writer. She lives in Ramat Beit Shemesh, Israel with her husband and four children.

Auspicious Practices (Segulot)

JewishMom — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 11:13:07 +0000
Here are some traditional segulot (auspicious practices) for the 9th month and the birth: Immerse in the ritual bath (mikvah), without a blessing. Click here to learn about the mikve experience. Before birth, some women go to the mikvah to cleanse themselves spiritually in order to encourage G-d’s mercy towards them and their baby during the labor. Click here to read tons of inspiring articles on mikve, and to locate the nearest ritual bath to you: http://mikvah.org/default.asp Have your husband open up the ark (aron) containing the Torah scroll in synagogue. In Jewish mysticism, the word used for the womb is the same as the one for the ark that contains the Torah scrolls. Therefore, there is a mystical connection between the opening of the ark, and the opening of the cervix when it is time to give birth. When my second daughter, Hallel, was a week overdue, and the ultrasound was saying that the she was getting very big, the doctor scheduled a Sunday appointment to induce the labor. That Saturday morning, I told my husband to open up the ark, and gave him clear instructions to do so with extra kavana (concentration)! At around 5 PM that day I started getting contractions, and by 8:30 that night I had given birth to my beautiful girl (never made it to the the ritual bath that Saturday night, as I had planned, though!) Make Challot- There are three commandments that are associated especially with women – lighting of Sabbath candles, attendance of the ritual bath, and making and separating challah. All of these commandments are traditionally credited with bringing about “Shalom Bayit” or peace and love between husband and wife. I find that making challah adds to shalom bayit- and makes everyone happy from my three-year-old daughter who helps knead and braid the challot (well, sort of), to my husband and I who get pretty excited as we approach the Friday-night meal knowing that we will soon be eating fresh-baked challah (is there really anything yummier in the whole world??) I also love being able to perform an important commandment as part of my Shabbat cooking- and to feel the blessing it brings to my home. Make sure that you have kosher mezuzot, especially at the entrance to your bedroom- The mezuzot are scrolls with verses from the book of Deuteronomy, and the Torah teaches us to keep them on the entrance of every Jewish home. The rabbis further teach us to post them at the entrance to every room within our homes, and to make certain to keep them in good condition in order that, in the merit of keeping a mezuza, G-d will guard us from harm. There are popular stories of defects in mezuzot that are related to misfortunes. When Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Barak met with crisis after crisis in his ill-fated administration, the headline of Israel’s most popular newspaper announced that the Prime Minister’s office was “checking its mezuzot”! Some families check mezuzot before every Rosh Hashana, when every Jew is judged by G-d. The birth, as well, is traditionally seen as a personal day of judgement for the mother, so it’s a good idea to check those mezuzot, and put them up at the entrance to every room of your house if you haven’t already. Click below to learn everything you ever wanted to know about mezuzas- including links to purchase online! http://www.aish.com/literacy/mitzvahs/Mezuzah_The_Inside_Story.asp Recite the following verses for an easy birth (from Rabbi Yaakov Kanyevsky). “V’yardu kol avadecha eleh elai v’heeshtachavu lee, lemor tse atah v’kol ha’am asher b’raglecha v’achar ken etseh.” (translation: “And all of these servants of yours will come down to me, and bow down to me, saying ‘Go out, and all of the people who are are at your feet!’ and only then will I depart.” Exodus 11:8) “V’tomarna ham’yaldot el paro kee lo k’nashim hamitsriyot ha’eevreeyot, kee chayot hena. B’terem tavo aleihen ham’yaldot v’yaladu” (translation: And the midwives said to Pharoah, “The Hebrew women are not like the Egyptian women, for they are lively. Before the midwives come to them, they give birth” Exodus 1:19) “V’hu k’chatan yotse m’chupato, yasees k’geebor laruts orach” (translation: “And he is like a groom coming out from his wedding canopy, rejoicing like a hero who has run the whole way.” Psalms 19:6) Recite Psalms chapter 20. Repeat twelve times, and read Psalms chapter 100 once. Click here for more Psalms to be recited during the birth. Give Charity- Rebbe Nachman, the founder of Breslov Chassidism, taught that giving charity by the birthing woman, or by others on her behalf, dilates the womb during labor. It has to be done with belief in the power of giving, and without hesitation. You should say to yourself, “G-d, please allow this act of giving, of opening, to help open my womb.” More on the power of Charity during birth. Keep a holy book, such as a prayer book, Pentateuch, or Noam Elimelech under your pillow in the hospital. Keep the book wrapped in two towels or other double cover. This book will serve as a tangible reminder of G-d’s mercy and strength, and love of the Jewish people, as expressed through the gift of the Holy Torah. You can maintain your calm and sense of faith as the book reminds you that G-d loves you and that everything will turn out for the best. After the Birth The Lubavitcher Rebbe taught that right after the birth the parents should show the newborn baby Hebrew letters. The Rebbe explained: “It is true that the child was just born, and cannot yet distinguish between light and dark or between sweet and bitter. Nevertheless, since the child has already come into the world and possesses eyes with which to see the world, we should see to it that the first thing the child sees is the letters of the Hebrew alphabet, from whose combinations all of creation has come into being.”

JewishMom — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 11:13:08 +0000
(taken from interviews with religious mothers in Jerusalem that appear in Expecting Miracles: Finding Meaning and Spirituality in Pregnancy through Judaism) The Privilege and the Lesson in Giving Birth Aviva is an English-born 38-year-old mother who was expecting her fifth child at the time of this interview. I prefer giving birth at home or in a more natural setting at a birthing center. I always try to stay home as long as possible. I took a labor coach for the last two births, and it was amazing. I like the support of another woman being with me, in addition to the midwife. I just found labor the most incredible, incredible experience. I’m really looking forward to this birth, but I’m scared of the pain. I hate pain- I scream, I’m not like a big tsadika [righteous woman] who just whimpers. I had a labor coach who helped me with the meditation on G-d’s name. [concentrating on the letters that make up G-d's Hebrew name- Yud, Heh, Vuv, Heh] There’s just nothing like labor, there’s nothing like the pain, and the anticipation. It’s like the pain of excitement. It’s so real, you can’t pretend to be a good little girl, you’re screaming and crying and you have to be very real. And I like that it forces me to work with my body. We get so caught up in life, and lose touch with our bodies, and in birth the body just takes over. You can’t control your emotions in the contraction. It’s a very spiritual experience, but also a very physical, animal experience. If you can meditate on Hashem’s name I think it does elevate the birth beyond this world. I think it’s the ultimate female experience. And knowing that you’re enduring incredible pain for the good, I enjoy that lesson. It makes us remember that often to get something good we have to go through pain on the way. That’s why I wouldn’t get an epidural, because I think it’s important to experience the pain. That’s how women have been able to endure the pain of the galut [the Exile]. The Kabbalah calls the birth of a baby the “geula” [redemption], and as we get closer to the geula the labor pains are more intense, with the Shoah [Holocaust] for example. Women have always been the ones to endure the worst of the Exile, to carry through and be the strong ones. It might sound stupid, but I attribute this to women’s enduring the pain of labor, that we know that the best in life comes through enduring terrible pain and going through mesirut nefesh [self-sacrifice]. Somehow we’re able to endure pain and hardships which I don’t think men would be able to, since we have this incredible privilege of experiencing the birth of a child. That’s why I wouldn’t want to have an epidural, because of the relief afterwards. I’m always exhausted, but I’m on such a high. I’m on an absolute high afterwards. I think it’s important to have a woman there with you, a labor coach, not a professional, but someone who can work with you. My husband has come with me in the past and davens [prays], but I think that with this baby, I’d be just as happy if he would stay at home and daven here. I don’t think birth is for men. I think that birth is a women’s experience. My husband’s a doctor himself, and I remember once he came and saw me with the labor coach and the midwife, and he just stood at a distance and looked on in awe at how this was women’s work. So I told him that for the next one he should stay home and daven and watch the children, since I really feel like this is a women’s thing, and this is our privilege, to bring children into the world. But that’s me, a lot of women get a tremendous amount of chizuk [lit. "Strengthening"/ moral support] from their husbands. That’s wonderful, but I don’t. And then afterwards I’m on such a high. Just to smell a new baby, and to nurse her. I love it, I love it! The first two years with the baby I feel is like a honeymoon. Even though I’m tired, my problems are more dealing with other members of the family. But with the baby, for the first two years, it’s just amazing. Meaningful Screams The following is from an interview with Nili, an Israeli-born 28-year-old mother of three boys. (translated from Hebrew) The high point of my pregnancies was always the birth, since I was always working during the pregnancies and wasn’t able to focus on being pregnant so much. Thank G-d, I had easy births. I remember the births as a real pleasure [ta'anug], not that they weren’t painful, but I really experienced them as a good thing. They say that a woman has to bring a sin offering after she gives birth, since with each birth she is breaking the vow she made during the previous birth never to become pregnant again. But I wasn’t like that. After the births I always say to the midwife “See you again next year!” The first two births, I was under the influence of Demerol. The last birth I was completely aware for the first time, and the birth was so quick, only an hour. I was so happy after that birth, to have experienced it so fully. I cannot say that I enjoyed the pain, but I can tell you something that I learned from another woman- that the screams of a woman in labor are very meaningful. So the first birth, I yelled the verse from Psalms, “Pitchu li Shaarei Tsedek” [Open up for me the Gates of Righteousness] during each contraction. I don’t know why, maybe because we were at Shaarei Tsedek Hospital, maybe because I thought of birth as a time of gates opening up. That verse just seemed to have the right connotation for what I was feeling. For the next births, I said to my husband “Why are we just yelling these words? There are so many people who really need us to scream for them.” So then, before each birth, we would prepare a list of everyone we knew who needed help, and each contraction my husband would read me a name, and I would yell it. We told the nurses that if they had names they should give them to us to say. Baruch Hashem (thank G-d), I felt as though it really worked, even though I can’t say that it solved the problems of everyone on the list, but I certainly felt that it justified the pain of the labor. I thought if it is anyway going to hurt during the labor, and I’m going to yell, then I should at least yell for things which we really need. It’s not that the pain is less, but at least you feel that there is a purpose to the pain, that you can scream out for a friend who isn’t married, or a couple without children. What was interesting is that one of the people I yelled for was the father of a friend who was very sick and suffering, and at the same time we were yelling for him, he passed away at the same hospital a few floors down from where we were. I felt as though maybe we had helped him to die, to end his suffering. Experiencing the last birth without drugs made me feel happy and proud. With Yonatan, when I felt that sensation like hot water coming out of me when he was coming out, I knew there is no physical sensation in the world that is more wonderful than that, when the amniotic fluid comes out of you with the birth. The Inner Essence of the Torah and Giving Birth The following American-born rabbanit is a highly-respected teacher in Jerusalem seminaries for women, and a mother of over a dozen children, and many grandchildren. When you’re learning Torah, or involved in tefila [prayer] or a mitzvah, you are coming close to the tachlit [goal] of coming close to being with Hashem [G-d]. But in the birth itself, Hashem is right there- you don’t need to search. You’re not even caught up in yourself, which is what keeps us from doing all of the mitzvot the way we should, since we’re still thinking about how we’re doing it and if I’m doing it right or if someone else thinks I’m doing it OK. But when you’re in a birth, you’re not involved in the physical or spiritual niceties of how you’re doing this mitzvah. You are completely involved in the birth itself. You are fully concentrating on the hope that the birth should go well. Every woman feels that, and you don’t have to be on a high level. This is the most important thing in the world that has to be done right now and you’re going to do it. After the birth, and at all other times, you’re striving for that same place. But it’s never as powerful as it is in the moment of birth. But when you know that moment, you can carry it with you for your whole life. This is what I’m teaching my friends now. We’re already middle-aged, but once you know that place and Hashem has taken you to that different place, then you can take that moment of birth to other experiences. But you first must know that moment. And then you can approach prayer and the Torah and mitzvot with the same intensity. I had a great zechut [merit], that I never used any drugs during my births. I think that most of my pregnancies and births were pretty regular even though on the books some were more difficult and some were less. I can go through a description of each one of them. I’m grateful for all the experiences that I went through. In other words, I wouldn’t trade in one moment of even any of the longer, painful births. That’s the difference of before and after! Now I can feel the sweetness of every moment of those difficult births. I can taste what it will be like in the future when Hashem will show us and explain to us all of the tsarot [troubles] of the Jewish people, of all the exiles. And this is because I can now say that if I were given the choice again, I would still go through every birth naturally and not use anything. Because now, after the fact, I’m grateful for every moment, even every painful moment that there was. A lot of times, even in the pregnancy or the labor I would connect with the birth of the Jewish people and the birth of Moshiach. The words in Hebrew are all the same, you can’t not connect between them. Chevlai Mashiach [the birthpangs of the Messiah] is Chevlai laida [pain of childbirth]. They’re all the same words. Birthpangs and the time leading up to the Messianic era are amazingly the same. And this feeling during the transition where you feel like the birth will never end. It’s just this point in the birth when you can’t handle it. You don’t know where to go with the pain. And it seems like it will never end. And that’s the state of Jewish people. We’ve been in a state of transition for a very long time. When transition ends, you have this knowledge that the birth will take place. It should be soon now. This is a teaching also of the Baal Shem Tov, that everything that happens to a person in his lifetime can teach him about the state of the Shechina [Divine Presence], or the state of the Jewish people. It’s a simple and powerful teaching. Everything that happens to a person, at all levels, is coming from Hashem, and it’s meant to teach him or her about what’s happening with the state of the Divine Presence. It’s true for simpler situations, but the birth is a very clear description of what’s going on with the Jewish people and the Divine Presence. It’s very powerful.

Kabbalistic Birth Meditation

JewishMom — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 11:13:08 +0000
The following is an excerpt from my book Expecting Miracles: During my final weeks of pregnancy, I anxiously collect birth stories. I start to believe that the stories of other women will provide some sort of omen for the birth that lies ahead of me, and I nervously ask everyone from my seventy-year-old neighbor, to my daughter’s day-care teacher about the last time she gave birth. This chapter includes interviews that provide a perspective on birth that I never had access to- coming from midwives and Jewish scholars on the steps a woman can take to make her birth a safe and holy one. A Kabbalistic Birth Meditation from Rabbi Yitzchak Ginsburgh The Torah teaches us that when G-d created Adam, He blew a living soul into his nostrils [Vayipach b'apav nishmat chayim], and from this we learn that the soul of a human being is equivalent to one of G-d’s breaths. The word chedva, or joy, contains the letters with the numerical values 8 (chet), 4 (dalet), 6 (vuv), 5 (hey). These various values are like the stages in breathing, which are sometimes longer, sometimes shorter. During childbirth, a woman should meditate upon verses which will allow her to breathe with joy, and the tempo of her breathing should relate to the numerical value of the word chedva. The following are five exercises, involving breathing and meditation upon verses that have the same numerical value as the word chedva. 1. These first two verses contain the same number of letters as the numerical value of chedva. Exercise One- Shma Yisrael Step One: A woman should breathe in and say to herself the Hebrew letters of the words Shma Yisrael “shin mem ayn, yud sin reish, aleph, lamed” (shma yisrael, eight letters=the numerical value of the chet of chedva). Step Two: She holds and says to herself “yud kay vuv kay (Havaya, four letters=dalet of chedva)” Step Three: She breathes out and says to herself “aleph lamed kay yud nun vuv (elokaynu, six letters = vuv of chedva). ” Step Four: During the rest she should concentrate on “yud kay vav kay” and then say the word “echad” [one] (four plus echad/one = five= the kay of chedva). 2. There is one most significant verse in all of the Bible which has exactly the same number of letters as the numerical value of chedva, as divided into its four letters. This is a verse which in its meaning is particularly appropriate for recitation by women in childbirth. “Yishlach-Ezracha miKodesh, umitzion yisadecha” (He shall send you help from the sanctuary, and strengthen you from Zion (Psalms 20:3) This is the best possible verse in the whole Bible to think of during birth. The words of the verse relate directly to the Divine Aspects which appear in the Name Havaya, as well as in the stages of breathing. Once again, the woman in childbirth can use this exercise by spelling out the Hebrew words in the verse. Exercise Two Step One: She inhales and says to herself “yud shin lamed chet ayn zayin resh chaf” (“Yishlach Ezracha,” eight letters=chet of chedva) Step Two: She holds and says to herself “mem kuf dalet shin” (“Mikodesh”, four letters=dalet of chedva) Step Three: She exhales and says to herself “vuv mem tzadi yud vuv nun” (“Umitzion”, six letters= vuv of chedva ) Step Four: She rests and says to herself “yud samech ayn dalet chaf” (“Yisadcha”, five letters=kay of chedva). 3. The following verse relates to chedva because it contains 23 words which is the same as the total numerical value of chedva. This is the verse in which G-d relates to Moses His thirteen aspects of mercy, and is a way for a woman to channel upon herself G-d’s aspects of mercy during the birth. Exercise Three Step One: (chet) The woman inhales and says to herself “V’yaavor Havaya al-panav vayikra Havaya Havaya E-l” Step Two: (dalet) She holds and say to herself “Rachum v’Chanun Erech Apayim” Step Three: (vav) She exhales and say to herself “v’Rav Chesed v’Emet, Notzer Chesed La’alafim” Step Four: (kay) She rests and says to herself “Nose Avon vaPesha v’Chata’ah v’Nakay” 4. There are four Biblical verses, which relate in their content to thoughts one should have during the different stages of breathing. These verses also have the same amount of words as the numerical value of chedva. Exercise Four Step One: The woman inhales and says to herself: “Ki karov alecha hadavar meod baficha ub’levavcha laasoto” [“The thing is very close to you, in your mouth, and in your heart, so that you may do it.” (Deuteronomy 30:14)] Step Two: The woman holds and says to herself : “Shiviti Hashem Lanegdi Tamid” [G-d will be in my thoughts always (Psalms 16:8) Step Three: The woman exhales and says to herself: “Shema Yisrael Hashem Elokaynu Hashem Echad” [Hear O Israel, the L-rd our G-d, the L-rd is One (Deuteronomy 6:4)]. Step Four: The woman rests and says to herself: “Kol haNeshama Tehalel Kah, Haleluka” [Every soul will praise you, Halleluya]. 5. Rabbi Ginsburgh prefaced the following exercise with the words “I saved the best one for last.” This verse appears in the Maase Merkava [the Account of the Chariot] at the beginning of the book of Isaiah, which is the basis for much of Jewish mysticism. It contains twenty-three letters, the numerical equivalent of the word “chedva.” This verse is an especially useful one for birthing women because it mentions“chayot hakodesh” [living creatures], which should be the focus of women who want to attain a joyful mindset in birth through becoming a “fixed Chava”, or a “Chaya”. In other words, women can become “Chayot” in the merit of the chedva which these meditations will help them to experience during the birth. “Udmut hachayot marehem k’gachle esh boarot kamareh halapidim hi mithalechet bein hachayot vanoga la’esh umin haesh yotse barak, v’hachayot ratzo v’shov kamare habazak” (Ezekiel 1:13-14) “As for the likeness of the living creatures, their appearance was like coals of fire, burning like the appearance of torches: it moved among the living creatures. And the fire was bright, and out of the fire went forth lightning. And the living creatures ran and returned like the appearance of a flash of lightning”. (Ezekiel 1: 13-14). Exercise Five Step One: The woman inhales and says to herself “Udmut hachayot marehem k’gachle esh boarot k’mare halapidim” [As for the likeness of the living creatures, their appearance was like coals of fire, burning like the appearance of torches]. Step Two: The woman pauses and says to herself “hi mithalechet bein hachayot” [it moved among the living creatures]. Step Three: The woman breathes out and says to herself “vanoga la-esh umin haesh yotze barak” [and the fire was bright, and out of the fire went forth lightning]. Step Four: The woman rests and says to herself “V’hachayot ratzo v’shov kamare habazak” [And the living creatures ran and returned like the appearance of a flash of lightning]. This is an especially appropriate verse to concentrate upon because the Kabbalah explains that the torches represent the Shechina [Holy Presence] moving among the Chayot, which is the word for living creatures as well as women empowered in their own births, enabled through the power of their own joy to give birth with confidence and independence.

It's a Girl!

JewishMom — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 18:57:25 +0000
Thank Heaven for little girls. A guide to celebrating the newborn. Parents of a new baby girl are filled with joy and are looking for a way to concretize that ceremonially. When a Jewish boy is born, there’s a Shalom Zachar, a Bris and sometimes even a Pidyon Ha’Ben. There’s lots of guests, a festive meal, and often a photographer and videographer. But what do we do for a baby girl?! To answer this question, let’s look at a Torah which says that Abraham was blessed with “everything” (Genesis 24:1). The Talmud explains that this “big blessing” refers to a baby girl (Baba Batra 16b). Why is a baby girl singled out for this great praise, “everything?” With the blessing of a baby daughter comes a realization of the fullness of life. The song says: “thank heaven for little girls.” The Jewish people have always thanked heaven for Jewish women, because our survival as a nation has been primarily because of Jewish women. -The biblical matriarchs guided the Jewish people through nation-building and familial challenges. -During the slavery in Egypt, the women kept their faith and continued having children, despite the bleak outlook for redemption. -During the years of wandering in the desert, the women refused to participate in the Golden Calf and the sin of the spies. -The heroine of Purim was Esther, and the heroine of Chanukah was Yehudit. At every crucial juncture in Jewish history, women have come to the forefront, steering the Jewish people in the right direction. Beyond this, Jewishness is passed on via the mother. If the mother is Jewish, the child is 100 percent Jewish. Jewish identity passed through the mother has been universally accepted by Jews for 3,000 years, and was decided by God, as recorded in Deut. 7:3-4. The Talmud (Kiddushin 68b) explains how this law is evident from those passages. From the fact that Jewishness goes by the mother, we see that the woman is entrusted with the awesome duty of instilling faith in God, observance of mitzvot, and Jewish pride. Metaphorically, the mother gives the baby food and love that brings out it’s internal potential. Celebrating the birth of a Jewish daughter is therefore a celebration of Jewish survival, of Jewish values, and of Jewish destiny. “HOW-TO” The naming of a Jewish daughter is a most profound spiritual moment. The naming ceremony is linked to the public reading of the Torah. During the Torah reading, a special “Mi Sheberach” blessing is said. The blessing begins with a prayer for the mother’s health. It continues with the giving of the baby’s name — and a prayer that this new Jewish daughter should grow to be a wise and understanding Jewish woman of goodness and greatness. The baby naming is traditionally followed by a “kiddush” in honor of the baby girl, where friends and relatives gather to share good food, speak words of Torah, and share the family’s profound joy. With thanks to Rabbi Mitch Mandel Author Biography: Rabbi Shraga Simmons spent his childhood trekking through snow in Buffalo, New York. He has worked in the fields of journalism and public relations, and is now the Co-editor of Aish.com in Jerusalem. This Article was reprinted with permission from Aish.com, a leading Judaism website

Circumcision: Beautiful or Barbaric?

JewishMom — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 18:57:28 +0000
Is circumcision a barbaric ritual that harms a child physically? Or is it a deep meaningful act that has both spiritual and medical benefits? These days, the internet is filled with bulletin board discussions entitled “To circumcise or not?” Many will voice the opinion that circumcision (Bris Milah) is a cruel, barbaric procedure that can traumatize the baby. Some go so far as to claim that a Bris decreases future tolerance to pain, increases the risk of infection, has long term psychological affects, decreases sexual arousal, etc. In Europe today, “human rights” groups have mounted a grass roots campaign opposing circumcision, comparing it to the brutal mutilation of African women. The Netherlands Institute of Human Rights wants to outlaw Bris Milah. And an article published in the prestigious British Medical Journal (April 2000), written by obstetricians, gynecologists, and midwives from hospitals in France, claimed: “The [African] women we interviewed considered their daughters’ mutilation and their sons’ circumcision to be similar. Male circumcision is also a form of genital mutilation since it involves removing a healthy part of an organ. How can we convince mothers that they should not mutilate their daughters while they could continue to have their sons circumcised?” A group of Israelis petitioned the Israeli Supreme Court to outlaw circumcision on the grounds that it is criminal assault. Shockingly, this campaign even has adherents in Israel. In February 1998, a group of Israelis petitioned the Israeli Supreme Court to outlaw circumcision on the grounds that it is criminal assault. A joke? No. Case number 5780/98 is a real case, and the court has already held hearings. Avshalom Zoossmann-Diskin, Executive Director of the Israeli Association Against Genital Mutilation in Tel Aviv, says that a campaign is urgently needed to end Bris Milah. “Why are they discriminating against me as victim of Jewish male genital mutilation?” he decries. “Are my human rights, bodily integrity and suffering less important than those of African girls?” JEWISH REASONS The truth is, there is no “logical” argument for cutting a piece of flesh off a helpless baby. Yet circumcision has been practiced on Jewish males for close to 4,000 years, ever since Abraham was so commanded by God. Why does the foreskin need to be removed? In Kabbalistic terms, the foreskin symbolizes a barrier which prevents growth. For example, when the Torah speaks about getting close to God, it calls upon us to “remove the Orlah, the foreskin of your heart” (Deut. 10:16). Nowhere does a person have more potential for expressing “barbaric” behavior than in the sex drive. When Abraham circumcised himself at age 99, God added the letter “heh” to his name. “Heh” is part of God’s own name, signifying that through Bris Milah, the human being adds a dimension of spirituality to the physical body. It is a foundation of Judaism that we are to control our animal desires and direct them into spiritual pursuits. Nowhere does a person have more potential for expressing “barbaric” behavior than in the sex drive. That’s why the Bris is done on this specific organ. If we bring holiness into our life there, then all other areas will follow. IDENTIFYING THE JEW Another aspect of circumcision is that it is integral to Jewish identity. This point was made quite powerfully by a movie called “Europa Europa,” It is the true story about a young Jewish boy trying to escape detection by the Nazis. The boy resembles an Aryan and speaks German fluently, so he poses as a non-Jew and is eventually recruited into an elite training program for the next generation of SS officers. This boy was on his way to a fully non-Jewish life, except for one thing: His circumcision. He couldn’t hide it. And that is what kept him Jewish throughout the entire ordeal. Bris is the sign of the covenant. So a boy who is not circumcised has basically lost his spiritual attachment to the Jewish people. The man survived the war, and made a new life for himself in Israel. Instead, he may have ended up becoming a Nazi officer. It all depended on the Bris. MEDICAL DATA It is a principle of Jewish life that our decision to perform mitzvot is not based on the “practical benefit.” At the same time, the mitzvot frequently have positive observable effects in our everyday life. Regarding the medical issues, Rabbi Yonason Binyomin Goldberger writes in “Sanctity and Science”: As an operation, circumcision has an extremely small complication rate. A study in the New England Journal of Medicine (1990) reported a complication rate of 0.19 percent when circumcision is performed by a physician. When performed by a trained mohel, the rate falls to 0.13 percent or about 1 in 1000. When a complication occurs, it is usually excessive bleeding, which is easily correctable. No other surgical procedure can boast such figures for complication-free operations. One study showed that by the eighth day, prothrombin levels reach 110 percent of normal. One reason why there are so few complications involving bleeding may be that the major clotting agents, prothrombin and vitamin K, do not reach peak levels in the blood until the eighth day of life. Prothrombin levels are normal at birth, drop to very low levels in the next few days, and return to normal at the end of the first week. One study showed that by the eighth day, prothrombin levels reach 110 percent of normal. In the words of Dr. Armand J. Quick, author of several works on the control of bleeding, “It hardly seems accidental that the rite of circumcision was postponed until the eighth day by the Mosaic law.” Furthermore, circumcision has been known to offer virtually complete protection from penile cancer. According to a recent review article in the New England Journal of Medicine, none of the over 1,600 persons studied with this cancer had been circumcised in infancy. In the words of researchers Cochen and McCurdy, the incidence of penile cancer in the U.S. is “essentially zero” among circumcised men. The incidence of penile cancer in the U.S. is “essentially zero” among circumcised men. Also, research at Johns Hopkins University Medical School in Baltimore have shown that circumcised men are six to eight times less likely to become infected with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. Researchers believe that protection is due to the removal of the foreskin, which contains cells that have HIV receptors which scientists suspect are the primary entry point for the HIV virus. (Reuters, March 25, 2004) Several studies reported that circumcised boys were between 10-to-39 times less likely to develop urinary tract infections during infancy than uncircumcised boys. In addition, circumcision protects against bacterial, fungal, and parasitic infections and a variety of other conditions related to hygiene. The extremely low rate of cervical cancer in Jewish women (nine-to-22 times less than among non-Jewish women) is thought to be related to the practice of circumcision. As a result of studies like these, a number of prestigious medical organizations have recognized the benefits of circumcision, and the California Medical Association has endorsed circumcision as an “effective public health measure.” BRIS IN THE HOLOCAUST Bris has been the hallmark of Jewish identification for millennia. The following powerful story appears in “Hassidic Tales of the Holocaust” by Yaffa Eliach: One of the forced laborers in the camps relates that one day he heard frightening cries of anguish the likes of which he had never heard before. Later he learned that on that very day a selection had been made — of infants to be sent to the ovens. We continued working, tears rolling down our faces, and suddenly I hear the voice of a Jewish woman: “Give me a knife.” I thought she wanted to take her own life. I said to her, “Why are you hurrying so quickly to the world of truth…” All of a sudden the German soldier called out, “Dog, what did you say to the woman?” “She requested a pocketknife and I explained to her that it was prohibited to commit suicide.” The woman took the pocketknife, pronounced the blessing — and circumcised the child. The woman looked at the German with inflamed eyes, and stared spellbound at his coat pocket where she saw the shape of his pocketknife. “Give it to me,” she requested. She bent down and picked up a package of old rags. Hidden among them, on a pillow as white as snow, lay a tender infant. The woman took the pocketknife, pronounced the blessing — and circumcised the child. “Master of the Universe,” she cried, “You gave me a healthy child, I return him to You a worthy Jew.”

New Baby Links

JewishMom — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 18:57:29 +0000
Mazal tov! and Baby-Naming Links www.Aish.com: Everything you need to know about a Jewish Newborn!- Just got back from the hospital with your cutey-pie former-fetus in your arms? Put down your bag and your baby and make a bee-line for Aish.com RIGHT NOW! Aish.com has put together an amazing collection of articles on everything you need to know about your newborn. SCROLL DOWN to see fantastic and eye-opening articles on giving a Jewish name, circumcision, celebrations for baby girls, pidyon ha ben, and lists of boys and girls names. Jewish pregnant women of the world salute Aish.com for putting together such a comprehensive resource for expecting Jewish couples!! http://www.aish.com/literacy/lifecycle Circumcision.net- For the bris-fully ignorant: everything you ever wanted to know about circumcision all in one amazing site! If you’ve had a baby boy, you must see this site! www.circumcision.net ImaMother.com- Amazing Resource! A wide array of very active discussion forums for Orthodox mothers and mothers-to-be on tons of different topics from pregnancy to parenting teenagers to mothers’ favorite Shabbat recipes. VERY HIGHLY RECOMMENDED! (Sorry, this site is restricted to Orthodox mothers…) The Abandoned Baby Syndrome: Who is Loving our Children? Dr. Miriam Adahan on the crucial importance of the first few months of mother-baby bonding. http://www.chabad.org/library/article.htm/aid/308404/jewish/Abandoned-Baby-Syndrome.html Choosing a Jewish Name Links A word of caution: Please be very careful when looking around the web in search of Jewish baby names! There are tons of sites out there with made-up and patently ridiculous Hebrew names, as well as false and patently ridiculous definitions for names! The sites listed below are excellent and reliable. If you have a question about a particular name, please contact me, and I’d be happy to help you out! HebrewBabyNames.com- I used to have a few sites listed here, but I have deleted them all, and left the only link you need. I have been waiting for this site for YEARS! A totally comprehensive, fantastic, Hebrew name site which has taken all the names from the top Hebrew name books- and put them on line for the benefit of all the confused Jewish parents searching and searching for the right name for their kiddies-to-be. All of the Jewish Pregnant women in the universe should salute Sara Leah of Washington State, USA- the creator of this unbelievable site. http://www.hebrewbabynames.com/index.cfm The Art of Baby Naming- How should you choose a name for your baby? http://www.chabad.org/theJewishWoman/article.htm/aid/508007/jewish/The-Art-of-Baby-Naming.html

Links

JewishMom — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 19:20:25 +0000
Know of any other articles/sites I should link to? Please write me! A Couple’s Guide to Fertility and Jewish Law- Incredible site of world-renowned experts on fertility and Jewish law who have assisted tens of thousands of infertile couples to become parents. Was under the supervision of Rabbi Mordechai Eliyahu zt”l- a former chief rabbi of Israel. Rabbis who are experts on fertility on staff can also provide advice through e-mail. A Time- A Torah Infertility Medium of Exchange- A site with forums, newsletters, and recommended reading. A way to break out of the isolation of infertility- and get strength, inspiration, and support from other women in the same situation. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED! http://www.atime.org Jewish Infertility Articles-Insightful and inspiring articles by Jewish women on infertility at www.TheJewishWoman.com. A must-see site! http://www.chabad.org/theJewishWoman/article.asp?AID=313427

Miscarriage and Stillbirth: One Woman's Journey

JewishMom — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 19:20:25 +0000
Strength and Hope after Miscarriage and Stillbirth By: Tracy Prisman (who welcomes your responses at prisman7@gmail.com) Only in the movies? I used to watch a certain soap opera. A whole week could go by and nothing really happened, so I didn’t watch it regularly, but I always discussed it with my Grandmother. One day I happened to watch and one of the characters lost her baby towards the end of her pregnancy. At the time, I was four months pregnant and my Gran immediately called me and said that she was sorry and that she hoped I knew that these things only happen in the movies and certainly not in today’s times. I had to agree. Little did I know that only a few months later, at the beginning of my ninth month of pregnancy, I would lose my baby. After nine months of “perfect”, problem free pregnancy, there was one day where I couldn’t feel the baby kick. Thinking that I was being overly paranoid, my husband and I decided to check things out anyway, but not in our wildest dreams did we think that our baby was no longer alive. It was such a shock to us, but somehow that day, we stayed relatively calm, reserving our strength for the hard road ahead. Looking back on that day I feel that G-D had sent down a special dose of strength to us both to help us cope. I decided I had to temporarily bury my pain and anguish until after the birth. If I let myself break down I just wouldn’t have the strength to go through the birth itself, and I knew I couldn’t allow that to happen. The baby was finally born 52 hours after I was induced! My husband decided to see the baby, while I decided that there was no way I could see him. Today, we are both happy with our decisions and feel that they were right for us. The girl in the soap opera went into a complete depression and was eventually admitted to hospital. I remember watching at the time and thinking that would be a pretty normal reaction after suffering such trauma, but when it actually happened to me, I decided that there was no way I could let myself react like that. I made a decision to NOT let depression take over. I decided to fight with what little strength I had left and to make sure, that despite the pain, the disappointment and the feeling of despair, I was going to choose a positive attitude. I was going to get through this ordeal in the most optimistic way possible. I find it a constant battle to train my mind to overcome such profound pain and sadness. There are times when I have to let myself cry, so I have a good cry…but I don’t want to be in a permanent state of grief. There are times when no amount of optimism and resolve can help, but there are also times when I derive strength from my beliefs and thoughts. I hope my beliefs will help YOU to find YOUR STRENGTH. My perspective There’s no right or wrong way… It is strange, but at the time I found out that we had lost our baby, I felt like we were the only ones in the world that this terrible thing had happened to. However, friends and neighbors started relating their own experiences with prenatal or neonatal death and I was surprised that so many others had been through similar experiences. At the hospital they also told me that unfortunately they had seen this many times. When speaking to women who had been through this I was rather amazed at their different reactions to their loss. Each woman had difficulties, which hadn’t even entered my mind. Sometimes you hear things and think that you should be feeling or thinking that too. Maybe they’re reacting normally and I’m not? But I realized that indeed each woman did cope differently, for each woman there were certain hardships that didn’t exist for others and each woman could cope with situations that the other women could not handle. My theory is that there is no right or wrong way to deal with loss and you are entitled to do and feel exactly what you want. There is also no right or wrong decision when it comes to therapy or support groups. Only you know what you need. Just stay open minded to all the options. Why me? The question, “why me?” comes back all the time. They say that if you gathered a group of people around several sacks with each sack containing a different problem, that we would choose to take the exact sack of problems that we are currently dealing with. It is hard to imagine that we could ever consciously choose to go through this, and yet deep down I do believe that this is true. It is also hard to look around and see others having kids all the time. I constantly have to remind myself that life is such that everyone has their own problems and no one’s life is perfect. Perfection is an illusion that we all see from the outside. To me, my problem seems like the worst thing ever, but others also have problems, which seem as big and hard to them as mine does to me, and maybe even worse. The loss of a dream rather than a reality… I lost my grandfather at the same time that I lost the baby; we were in the same hospital at the same time. I can’t help but compare the two losses. One is someone I knew my whole life, who was part of my daily life and the other was someone I didn’t know at all, but who was part of ME day and night for nine months. When you lose a grandfather you are upset because someone familiar will be missing and life will change without that person. It’s a strange concept, but when you lose an unborn baby, nothing is going to change at all. Life will continue just as it had been. What you are losing is “the dream”, the excitement and anticipation of having that baby. What you are also losing is control, control of your plans. It all seems so real and close and suddenly it is gone. I keep telling myself that the dream of having a baby has just been postponed for a year or two and what’s a couple of years in the scheme of life? It is difficult because I want a baby right now; I was expecting it right now. I live with the hope and certainty, beyond doubt though, that I will have a baby, a few babies, and a beautiful family. Maybe not right now, but hopefully soon. Reaching out for support is not a weakness but a strength… I used to think that I always had to be strong, and handle things on my own. Not to ask for help from others for that would be a weakness. But this experience taught me that it takes strength to admit that you need help and support from others and the weakness is turning away from help. So many people reached out to us and felt for us, not only friends and family but even acquaintances. People really wanted to help and it was almost like they needed to feel that they were helping. Some people dropped off food, some people sent flowers or chocolates before Shabbat. It made us feel like we were not alone in our pain and that people were genuinely hurting with us. This was a very comforting feeling. I once heard that there are beggars in the world in order to provide us with the opportunity to learn to give to others. When I was reluctant and felt awkward to take from others, my mom said that I would be doing an injustice to all those who wanted to give…and she was right! It was a difficult time for my family. As mentioned above, my grandfather had just passed away and everyone was dealing with that pain. However my family did indeed find the time and strength to try to help us and comfort us. Although I didn’t want to burden them with my pain, I embraced their support, love and care. I so appreciated it that they even had the ability to give so much when they were suffering. Our friends and family abroad were also very supportive. We recognized how hard it was for them being far away at a time like this. We felt their need to be there for us and help in any way they could and we grabbed onto their kind words and care. Several weeks later we saw my parents in law who live in Canada. They spoiled us rotten and did absolutely anything we wanted. They took us away for a few days, which allowed us to get our minds off things. It was an important time and although it was several weeks after the ordeal they helped soothe our healing wound. One thing that helped me tremendously was speaking to women who had also lost a baby. I was very lucky to be in the hospital with a girl, around my age, who had just been through the same thing. It was also her first baby and right away we connected and comforted each other. We are constantly intouch – whenever one of us has a bad day we immediately call the other and we don’t even have to say much because we just know and understand… I spoke to many others and heard how they dealt with their pain. The fact that they all had children now also gave me strength and I always hung up the phone feeling like I was not alone, I will get through this just like they did and there will be a happy ending! These women were my own personal support group although I’ve heard of many wonderful support groups, which have helped others a lot. There are indeed many support systems to turn to out there- family, friends, support groups, psychologists, books, Internet etc. I think that it is vitally important to choose the support systems that you are comfortable with and what appeals to you. This is not a time to turn your back on the help that is out there. This is a time for you to reach out and take what you need and to allow others to provide the help and support you require. Fear for the future… I can’t help but worry about the future, what if this happens again or even a few times more? How could I ever deal with it again? The thought of even being pregnant again after all this trauma is hard to imagine. How will I get through nine months of constant worry and panic? I have decided that the chances of this happening again are far less than the chances that it will all work out, so why focus on the less likely situation? I want to enjoy my next pregnancy as much as I enjoyed my last one, so I am going to train my mind to chase away all the negative thoughts. I will try and transform this horrible experience into something positive for the future. I will never take my pregnancies for granted, nor my children. I believe that I will appreciate everything so much more. There are so many miracles around us that we take for granted…just having a healthy baby is a miracle that I will never, ever take for granted again. Everything passes. Nothing stays the same… There are days when I feel so bad! I have no strength or patience to deal with anything. I despair and feel that there is no hope and that everything is just bad. And then suddenly, the next day, everything seems okay and not really that bad. Of course I am still sad inside, but I feel strong enough to deal with things and I even manage to appreciate and see the good that I have been blessed with. So, whenever I have a terrible day, I simply tell myself that as bad and as hopeless as I feel now (although it seems impossible in the moment) I will probably feel much better tomorrow. Daunting dates… I find the dates difficult to deal with. My due date really scared me. I wanted to do something fun on that day just to distract myself from what I was supposed to be doing. It so happened that family came and stayed with us for three days, so that was a good distraction. Some people think that it is disrespectful to the baby to plan something “fun” or “pleasant” on their due date and they feel guilty. I disagree with this view. I feel that anything that will help you to feel better or function better is a good thing. As for being disrespectful to the baby, moving on with life is not disrespectful to the memory of your baby. The fact is that there is no baby; only a void, so if there is even the slightest thing that can fill the emptiness and bring relief just for a short time, do it! A different world… When we were in the hospital we were visited several times by the social worker. One of her first suggestions was to take a trip if we could and just leave everything and everyone behind. At the time I thought this was a rather ridiculous suggestion. The last thing I could think of was packing up and taking a fun trip. First of all I had no strength and secondly all I could think of was sitting in a hotel and crying. However, six weeks after the loss I realized how right this suggestion was and I felt that a vacation, a get away, was exactly what we needed. We left for a three week vacation on a cruise. It is so helpful to be in completely different surroundings, to enter a different world. At home we felt stuck, not able to move forward. Taking a break and leaving everything behind was what ultimately helped us to move on. The trip gave us something exciting to focus on and good memories to reflect upon afterwards. I really tried to do all those things that I couldn’t have done if I had a baby and in that way I was able to trick myself and say, “oh look how I would have lost out on all these great experiences if I’d had a baby now”. It’s obvious that I would have given up any trip or any other experience to hold my baby in my arms, but that option was taken away from me. All I can do is to make the most of a really, really bad situation…and I am determined to do just that! Healthy mind, healthy body… I decided to do a few things to feel better physically and mentally. These are some of the things that made me feel better about myself: I put a huge crystal bowl of water in the center of our apartment with a candle in it. Every evening I light the candle and add a few drops of relaxing lavender oil. This has given our home a calming atmosphere. I also indulged in new soaps and creams – small indulgences can really make you feel good. I have never been a gym person, but after the pregnancy I had to admit that I had put on some weight because of the pregnancy. I feel good about working on getting my body back to a healthy state, even though I look at some of the other women who have just given birth and wonder if they know how lucky they are. Anyway, it feels good to do something for me and something for my body. I have bought myself a book that inspires and uplifts me. It is about the matriarchs and what they can teach us. I’ve gained so much from it and would encourage everyone to get hold of a book about anything that you find comforting, positive and optimistic. Reading is also a great distraction and a good escape. We moved all our furniture around. Just like traveling, a change is as good as a holiday! A new look came to symbolize a fresh start and a hopeful future. Taking care of number 1… I decided shortly after my ordeal to only do things that made me feel good. Taking care of your real needs is the most important thing now so that you can heal and move forward. Sometimes I find myself in situations where I am not enjoying myself at all and given my decision to keep my sadness somewhat contained, I don’t want to be placed in situations that trigger negative emotions. I am a person who usually tries to please others, but I have decided that for the first time in my life, I need to do what is best for me. I have decided not to go to brittot (circumcisions) for a while and I hope that people will understand and support me. I can’t put on a brave face for others while my heart breaks inside and I don’t want to be depressed at other people’s celebrations. It is my right and my choice to stay away for a little while. Do what is good for you! Busy body… I think the key is to be busy. I have just started a new job. I was dreading it initially and wondered how I could be starting “this” new job when I was supposed to be starting a “different” new job, as a mother. It seems, though, that time does heal and it wasn’t hard to start. I have also decided not to let my job take over my life and to stay focused on still doing all things I like. My days need to be filled with things that keep me in a good mood, allow me to feel satisfied and content at the end of each day. A Jewish explanation Even as a religious person my first reaction was to wonder how and why G-D would put us through such an ordeal. My husband would say to me “This is the real test of faith! It is easy to believe and accept G-Ds will when things are going well but now you have to trust in G-Ds judgment even when you don’t understand, and disagree”. My husband’s strong beliefs and trust in G-D strengthened me tremendously. Together we found comfort, understanding and strength in religious perspectives and explanations. There is an article that we read which literally got us through our whole ordeal. It answered many of the questions that we had and made us feel that there was actual meaning and purpose to what we had been through. Rabbi Moshe Wolfson in his article “A Mission Fulfilled” writes: (published in the Jewish Observer, USA, 1995); According to the teachings of our sages, in heaven there is the “sanctuary of souls” from which all the souls come. All souls, our sages tell us, must leave the sanctuary and descend to this world so that the final redemption can come. Each soul has its own unique mission to fulfill in this world and is allotted the lifespan necessary to fulfill that mission. Some souls belong to a very exalted class. They are of such a sublime nature; so holy, sparkling, brilliant, that they simply cannot bear to exist in this world for even a short time. They too, however, must leave the “sanctuary of souls”. These special souls cannot bear to separate themselves from their sublime existence and sully themselves by living on this earthly world, so they are spared the discomfort and are returned to their “Father in Heaven”, having fulfilled their mission by leaving the “sanctuary of souls”. In so doing, they are bringing the world one step closer to the Final Redemption. And so G-D chooses a particular couple who will draw such a soul down to this world. It departs its source near the Throne of Glory and is immediately placed in an environment that is heavenly –in nature. A woman who is with child carries within herself not only a child, but an entire Gan(Garden of) Eden as well. A flame from the hidden light of creation shines from one end of the world to the other. A heavenly angel learns the Torah with the child. All this occurs with every Jewish child. And what of the mother, who has endured, hoped and in the end was so terribly disappointed? She has merited to have as her guest a pure, holy soul, accompanied by a heavenly light, a heavenly angel and a heavenly Torah. Some of the holiness that had entered her will not leave her for the rest of her life. She has brought the Messiah’s arrival closer by offering a sacrifice for this purpose. She is not left with a mother’s usual compensation. All that she has endured, rather, has been for the sake of G-D and his people. Was it all worth it? In painful moments, when disappointment sets in and normal human feelings dominate ones mood, the answer may be negative. When holiness breaks through, however, when the intellect of the soul speaks and the joy of the Jewish soul burst forth then there is an answer of an entirely different nature. This answer is accompanied by the song of triumph, the joy of the victor, the deep-rooted satisfaction of one who has earned something of immeasurable value. One should realize that the term “miscarriage” is not found in a believing Jew’s dictionary. The term implies that one’s efforts have ended in failure, that all has been in vain. This is incorrect, for when a Jewish woman conceives, it is never in vain. This article made us view our ordeal in a more positive light. Those months of carrying a baby had not gone to waste at all, rather, we had done something truly big, not for ourselves, but for the entire Jewish nation. We had not chosen it, but we indeed, had been chosen. The article says, “and so G-D chooses a particular couple who will draw such a soul down to this world.” Sometimes I look at my husband and myself and wonder how we still smile after such a trauma and I truly think that G-d knew we were strong enough and indeed we have both grown in many ways from this painful experience. Sometimes I even feel proud to have been chosen. What a great source of pride to know that I had the privilege to hold within me, for nine months, true holiness – a sparkling soul that was too sublime to enter this world. What’s more, part of that holiness will stay within me forever. Another text that helped us enormously was a book called “Mirrors of Our Lives” by Rebbezin Holly Pavlov (Feldheim Publishers, 2000). The author writes: The unique holiness of an unborn baby………….. When the child is in the mother’s womb, he is able to learn all the Torah. This ability exists because he is not limited by his body. His soul is separate and free from the limitations of physicality; it is able to absorb the Torah from beginning to end. The minute the child comes into the physical reality and is born, he forgets all his Torah. The soul is now trapped by the body, so to speak. The baby can no longer retain all of the Torah that he learned in his mother’s womb because he is no longer an infinite being; he is now a limited, physical being. As a physical being he is no longer capable of absorbing so much “light” and by necessity the Torah is forgotten. In its place, the baby is given the power of speech, the ability to connect the spiritual and physical. (pg 67). When the child is in the womb accessing all of the Torah from beginning to end, he is in a place of silence. There is no speech there, rather a holistic connection with G-D. The Torah that the child learns in the womb is not the same Torah that we hear in the Yeshivot. The Torah learned in the Yeshivot involves talking obviously whereas the Torah that the child learns in the womb is pure, raw Torah that can’t be spoken. When the child emerges into this world and the angel taps him on this mouth, thus giving him speech, he looses that holistic connection to Torah (Pg 68). After reading this it gave me a sense of peace because I felt that our baby had been privileged to live the most holy, pure existence. That was never taken away from him, as is usually the case when a baby lives. Instead of having to give up that special holiness he could hang onto it forever. And after all I was the one who enabled this existence. Although I so wish that my baby would not have died I still recognize that this situation, which was brought upon me is a pure act of unselfishness. I can always look back on my life and know that once in my life for 9 months I gave of myself to someone else without receiving what I wanted in return. The potential for growth, through pain One source of unhappiness experienced by our ancestors was their initial inability to have children. Their words and actions in response to this unhappiness are terse in the Torah but they have deep ramifications which can be internalized by modern readers and can enable us to handle our personal difficulties… when bad things happened to our ancestors they probed deeply into their situations attempting to understand Hashems message to them and then sought solutions (pg 81). Human beings have a limited vision of the world and because of this, there is no way we will ever understand G-D. We don’t understand why G-D sends us a specific form of pain. What we do know for certain is that our suffering contains within it potential growth, and we can build something out of our pain and distress. We can’t understand G-D’s plan, but we can understand that our lives are in the hands of Heaven and that what happens to us is part of our destiny, a destiny carefully and lovingly mapped out for us by G-D Himself. So although we don’t have control over our destiny, we do have control over our perception of our suffering and we can make the decision to build from it (pg 86). I feel that in the beginning it was very hard for us to even think of growing. We just wanted to survive this ordeal. But deep down we both believe that every experience in life, good or bad has come to teach us a lesson. I remember asking a Rabbi if this was a punishment. He said that it definitely was not a punishment however; something must change after an experience like this. We have started to do some soul-searching to see what areas we can improve on, as a couple and as individuals. It is important to me to look back at this time and know that something good came out of it, something changed, for the better. Praying for a happy ending… Several weeks after I had finished writing this booklet, I found out that I was pregnant. I just couldn’t believe that it happened so quickly. We felt that this was actually a miracle but I also believe that my pregnancy is linked to a very specific experience. A few weeks after I had given birth, I went to the mikvah (ritual bath for women). As I entered the water I began to sob. This was not the way it was meant to be. I had often thought of returning to the mikvah after the long nine month break that I’d had; after giving birth to a beautiful baby. Instead, here I was with no baby! I couldn’t stop crying. I looked up and I saw the mikvah lady start to cry with me; she felt my pain. I started to wonder if the mikvah would fill up with my tears and begin to overflow. I prayed to G-D in a way that I never have before; I begged him to take away this pain and help me survive this ordeal. I begged and pleaded. I felt like I was falling apart. As I walked away from the mikvah, still crying, I recalled that I had once learned that “the gates of tears are never closed” (Gemara Brechot 32b). I had cried and sobbed in the holiest place and deep inside I knew that G-D would surely hear my prayers; surely he could not turn away from a crying woman in the holy waters of the mikvah. And he did hear my prayers. I fell pregnant shortly after! A happy ending! Today, one year later I seal this chapter of my life as I hold my son Yishai Natan in my arms. His second name Natan is after my grandfather and His first name Yishai has two special meanings: * A gift from G-D * There is a G-D For we have learned, through the chain of events that we have been through, that we are never alone and that there is a G-d behind the sad and happy times that we live through. Therefore, we should never despair for there is always hope. Rather we should be grateful for what we have and trust and believe that we can get through the bad times and always look forward to the good time that will follow. May we all be granted the privilege and gift of becoming mothers in the future, for this is indeed a privilege and a gift that is not to be taken for granted. And may we take the pain of this experience and transform it into love, gratitude and appreciation for the children we will be blessed with in the future. May you have strength. I have chosen to end this booklet with a beautiful poem I once read, in the hope that this will give us the strength to deal with this challenge and all future challenges that come our way: One night a man had a dream. He dreamt that he was walking along a beach with G-D. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. In each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one belonged to him and the other to G-D. When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints on the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life. This really bothered him and he questioned G-D about it. “G-D, you said that once I decided to follow you, you’d walk with me all the way, but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there was only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why, when I needed you most you would leave me.” G-D replied, “My precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.” (Margaret Fishback Powers, 1964) 18(chai) suggestions to feeling better: * Make sure to have a weekly “date” with your husband, you need to heal together. Although your reactions may be different it’s important to communicate and work through this together. * Speak to women who have been through the same experience: * Shelly Allon (U.S. Philadelphia East Cost): 215-6351984 * D’vora Grossbaum: 02-6518439 * Merav Levi(only Hebrew): 064-255961 * Tracy Prisman: 055-751995 * Contact a support group: * Through the Internet * Aleph: 02-5632779, 02-9931649 * Advertisements in newspapers * See a psychologist /social worker who has experience with prenatal & neonatal loss * Use alternative healing techniques * I read the following articles and books which were very helpful: Books * “Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Neonatal Death” by Shulamit(Shelly) Rifkin Allon, Jeffrey Allon and D’vora Grossbaum * “Mirrors Of Our Lives” by Rebbezin Holly Pavlov (Feldheim Publishers, 2000) Articles * “A Mission Fulfilled,” by Rabbi Moshe Wolfson (Published in the Jewish Observer, USA, 1995) “דברי חיזוק למפלת”- בית רפואה מעייני ישועה * * Do something special for yourself such as buying yourself something new – shoes, clothes, jewelry etc. or have a haircut/change your hairstyle OR * Use health products that make one feel better – like lavender, which is known for relaxation, or bath salts, creams etc. * Choose a good book to read * Go out to the movies or a show with your husband * Change around your furniture at home OR * Make your home atmosphere more comforting by lighting decorative candles or buying flowers * Go on a trip with your husband if possible * Get a Blessing from a Rabbi * Pray for others who are sick or are also going through a hard time * Take on a new mitzvah – lighting Shabbat candles or giving charity * Let yourself cry when you need to, we get strength and comfort from our tears while at the same time releasing inner pain * And let yourself smile when you can, because there will be a happy ending and your pain will be replaced by the future happiness, which is just around the corner. Dedication… This booklet is dedicated to the baby I so loved, but never met. To the baby: * Who brought out a strength in me I never knew I had * Who taught me the essence of true belief, faith and trust in G-D * Who exposed me to the love and support of friends and family that I never knew existed * Who gave me the opportunity to grow * Who taught me to appreciate life and realize that life is too short to be wasted * Who taught me the vital concept that I may not have control over the situation, but I do have control over my attitude! To the baby who made me the person I am today; I could not have done it without you. Thank you!

Quintuplets after Infertility

JewishMom — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 19:20:27 +0000
After Seven Years of Infertility- Lubavitch Couple has Quintuplets (translated from Hebrew and adapted by Chana (Jenny)Weisberg from article by R. Beener that appears in Mishpacha Tova, Kislev: 5762) “Seven years we were married, without children…” is how David starts his story. The Segal family had gone through seven years of hope and despair that ended in a wondrous way on the second of Elul, when five babies came at once to join their family. Yes, five! And thank G-d they are all healthy and whole. Their Life in Russia “Maybe it would be good if we started from the beginning…” David suggests. “My wife and I were born in Russia. Russia of those days did not allow Jews to observe their religion. In general, the word “Jew” was a word that was so dangerous that we did not say it, even in our thoughts. We grew up without a trace of Jewish life…” When they married, David and his Esther were both young students, he of physics and she of linguistics. Two young Jews, without worries, who knew nearly nothing about what it meant to be Jewish. “We married in a civil ceremony, as was the norm in Russia,” he emphasized. “When we celebrated our first anniversary, we were already not the same worry-free youngsters…our home was quiet and empty, without a child to fill the emptiness. We started going from one fertility treatment to the next, and from one doctor to another, but to no avail.” In the framework of the different treatments, the couple came to a Jewish doctor in Moscow. At the end of the treatment, the doctor examined them with a serious look and said, “Fine, these treatments you are doing for your body, and what are you doing for your souls?” “What do you suggest?” they asked. “Maybe you should have a Chuppah [a Jewish wedding canopy] and a Jewish wedding, according to Jewish law, for the blessing it will bring you.” Another year passed. A year of treatments and doctors and hopes and despair. Over the course of the same year, in the back of their minds hovered the recommendation of that doctor, like something that would not give them rest. In the end, they could not ignore her recommendation any longer. By the end of that year they were answering “Amen,” underneath a Jewish wedding canopy. “It’s difficult,” David says “…It’s difficult to explain the incredible feeling that we had when we stood there, under the wedding canopy. It was so exciting. Maybe we did not understand the meaning of the ceremony, but the experience of standing there was so moving, so exciting.” But the wedding ceremony was just one part of the story. The cherry on top of the whipped cream. Before that, when the young couple came to Rabbi Pavezner, the rabbi of Petersburg, in order to request that he marry them in a Jewish ceremony, he smiled at their innocence. They did not know the long list of requirements they would have to fulfill beforehand: such as a circumcision for example. “And then I had a circumcision…” David says simply, as though it is a routine thing for a person to have a circumcision twenty plus years after his birth… Afterwards the rabbi instructed them concerning the other basic commandments. “And we began studying Torah…” David added. He, a student of physics- his wife, a linguist by profession- both of them rationalists. And they began at the beginning- from ABC. “That is how we began our way to Judaism.” He concludes. “It began with our desire for children. And it continued as we got to know the Lubavitch community in Petersburg. It was an acquaintance that led to our becoming religious.” “It’s a warm community, with so much soul!” David exclaims, almost five years after the fact. “And they accepted us into their community with a big embrace and with so much love,” he adds. Very quickly, the two went from being students to teachers, and in addition to teaching they would often have thirty students at their house for Shabbat dinner. And, despite all this, the Segals could not forget their private suffering, that they had no children in their home. Miracles from the Rebbe’s Letters Two years ago, a rabbi who learned of the couple’s lack of children turned for a blessing for them in the Igerot Kodesh (Igerot Kodesh are the books containing all the collected letters of the Lubavitcher Rebbe zts”l. It has become a tradition for Lubavitcher Chassidim to place a letter, question or request for a blessing into the Igerot Kodesh, on a random page, and in that way receive an answer/blessing.] The answer that they received from the Igerot was amazing in how directly it related to their situation. It told them that they would soon have a son, and even indicated the name they should give the boy. “We believed that what was written would come to pass, and that we would indeed have a son.” “We continued with the fertility treatments, and believed with all of our hearts that what we had read would certainly come to pass. And indeed, a little more than a year later, the couple received the news that Esther was pregnant. David explains, “It’s difficult for me to explain. It was greater than we could have expected- like receiving a present that you had not expected to receive. But that was just the beginning. One day, out of the blue, my wife called me and told me that she was expecting twins.” And that was not the end of it. Soon afterwards, the doctor told them that they were expecting four- no more, no less. David admits, “The truth is, at that point we began to get a little bit afraid…four?! Us? How will the birth go?” At that point their doctor, who was also a bit confused, suggested that they abort some of the fetuses in order to ensure that at least some of them would survive this crowded pregnancy. David asked his rabbi, who told him that there were differing opinions- some which favored abortion of some of the fetuses, and some which did not. David, in the meantime, did his own research and found that in the case of multiple gestations there was no proven relationship between aborting some of the fetuses, and a healthy result for the others. Of course, as Lubavitcher Chassidim, they also once again consulted the Igerot Kodesh. They received the answer, “You should preserve all flesh.” Then they looked again and received the answer, “May you have an easy birth, at the right time, a healthy and whole baby.” When the doctor heard that they had decided against aborting some of the fetuses, he said, “Thank G-d!” and let out a sigh. When the couple was surprised by her reaction, she explained, “It’s not easy for me to authorize an abortion. The mind says that it’s for the best, but the heart wants for it to be otherwise.” In addition, the doctor instructed them to immediately emigrate to Israel, where they would receive the best possible medical care. Pregnant in Israel Two weeks later, David was studying at the Tsemach Tsedek yeshiva in Jerusalem’s Old City, and Esther was being monitored at Shaarei Tsedek hospital. While there, the couple received news that they could not have possibly imagined. They were told that they were expecting not four but five children. Esther was immediately hospitalized for the rest of her pregnancy. After her first day at the hospital, Esther called David who heard that she was crying inconsolably. The doctors had told her that she was suffering from an illness, and that the babies’ chances for survival were close to nonexistent. And that was just the beginning. Those weeks, prior to the birth, Esther and David will remember as the most difficult of their lives. Every day, the complications became worse and worse. The couple vacillated between despair and hope over and over. The doctors accused the couple of endangering their babies with their earlier decision not to abort some of the fetuses. Through hours that were too difficult to bear, the David and Esther prayed that everything should go well. They gave charity, and checked their mezuzas and tefillin, and prayed and prayed. When Esther arrived at the hospital, the doctors made the dire prediction that the pregnancy would survive for just another two days, but in the end, with G-d’s help, Esther held on for another ten weeks, and finally gave birth by C-section on the second of Elul of this year. And they were born, all five of them, three boys and two girls- their weights varying between 1200 and 1400 grams. In their wondrous birth, the Segal quintuplets managed to amaze the greatest of doctors, all of them healthy and whole, despite all of the worst predictions. So, in one day, the Segal family went from being childless to being a family blessed with five children. Do you think this is easy? And all seven of them are new immigrants. They will have to build a new life in a new country, as a new family. Yes, they are heading out on a path that is not easy, with countless awakenings at night, countless feedings from the bottle, countless rockings on the right shoulder, and then the left, and hundreds of strokes on little bodies…five of them. And through all of this, happiness! Too much happiness to comprehend.

One Childless Couple's Inspirational Story

JewishMom — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 19:20:28 +0000
In Joy I Reap By Raizel Stern Taken from Special Delivery: Jewish Birth Stories of Faith and Inspiration (on sale at www.Targum.com) I glance at my night table and at the current stack of books cluttering it; the contents of my night table reflect the various stages of my life. As a secular college student, I read trendy philosophical books. When I adopted a religious lifestyle, my reading material changed accordingly. I began reading books Jewish life about Jewish philosophy. About five year later, books on marriage joined the pile. I assumed that parenting books would soon be added to my collection, but instead I spent many years surrounded by reading material of a very different nature- infertility. As the years passed my collection grew to include books on adoption. But eventually, Thank G-d, after 12 years of waiting, birthing books prominently adorned my night table. My reading material has now progressed to include books on childcare and parenting, reflecting my treasured new status as mother. Some challenges and conditions can be successfully hidden, but infertility is not one of them. Throughout the years, my friends were empathetic and caring, although I did not discuss with them my pain and frustration of my journey to motherhood. I am now prepared to share some reflections on the years that preceded the birth of my children, to help others appreciate the miracle that is often taken for granted- that of bringing children into this world and to help others with their pain as they wait for their prayers to be answered. I was in my mid twenties when I met my husband and we were married three months later. Each passing month we looked for signs indicating that in nine months time we would be parents. Little did we realize that our path to parenthood would be significantly longer and fraught with uncertainty. But it would be a road that we traveled together, growing closer and giving each other moral support. Maybe it was a premonition of difficult times ahead, but more likely it was just a natural step for someone of my somewhat anxious temperament, which motivated me to consult with a gynecologist a few months after we were married. When I look back now, I realize that the “treatment” that he prescribed was very minor-league, compared to what was to follow. However it helped us to begin to face the issues of infertility. Once he felt that he had gone as far as he could he recommended that we go to a clinic which specializes in fertility problems. We looked to a Rav for guidance whether I should go for a complete fertility workup. The Rabbi was emphatic, that we had not been married for long and the time was not right to place myself in the category of “infertile.” We followed the psak of the Rav. This was not the time to be challenged by the stresses of fertility treatment. H-shem would let us know when it was. We think that we make all the decisions, but H-shem sets the stage and pulls the strings. Various factors converged and we were now ready to enter the world of major league fertility treatment. I would soon be entering into a new phase of my life, a phase where most of my emotional energy would be invested in fertility clinics, asking complicated ‘sheilos’ going to support groups and trying to maintain some level of normalcy. My first trip to the fertility clinic stands out in my memory. I have a vivid memory of walking away from gynecologist’s rooms down a brightly lit corridor to an infertility clinic. I had crossed into another realm, a little-known world where all the players were either infertile couples like us, or medical personnel wishing to employ all their medical expertise to help us conceive. Infertility is a great equalizer. Age, status or finances have no bearing here. Each woman subjects herself to endless blood tests, hormone treatments, ultrasounds and other invasive procedures. Her life revolves around this clinic and she complies with the doctor’s orders, even if they may be uncomfortable. Daily visits to the clinic become the norm, and life becomes an emotional roller coaster. Do we dare hope that the next treatment will be successful? How do we deal with reality when the caring staff informs us that success has eluded us yet again? How do we protect ourselves, and give each other encouragement when the months roll into years? The earlier years were in a sense more painful, as our hopes were high and the disappointments cut deeper. As the following years progressed we developed better coping skill but the pain never left. Somehow we pushed ourselves to continue treatments, even though they were extremely stressful and the chances of success were decreasing with each subsequent treatment. Each woman copes with the stress of treatment and infertility in different ways. I was not interested in the medical aspects of the treatments. Divorcing myself from my body was one of my major coping mechanisms. I did as I was told, and kept as busy as possible, trying to ensure that there was never time to dwell on our childlessness. I tried to avoid situations that would be painful. For example I didn’t hang around the park before the Shabbos afternoon shiur. When is the time to give up and say that it was just not meant to be? How much disappointment can one bear? Do we continue, somewhat resigned to the fact that all our efforts may possibly be in vain? Do we ask what are the chances of success? Are statistics important? Entering the “over thirty five” category was particularly difficult. Was there still room for hope? Do I let that depress me? All we need is one successful fertilized egg to grow into the miracle of life? Is it ever meant to be? What should we be doing? Who should we turn to for a blessing? Can you follow up on every ‘segula’ which well meaning people recommend? Even though I am not a ‘segula person’, I sat on a certain chair in Ashdod, prayed at the grave of a childless washerwoman and followed some other recommendations provided by well-wishers. I had a friend set up a shmeras halashon [anti-gossip] rotation when we were having a treatment. We prayed constantly to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. At the same time as doing infertility treatments we looked into adoption. We went to discuss the issue of adoption with a Rav who we are close to. He said we should speak to a famous Rav in Bnai Brak. He told us that he knew the Rav and that he would accompany us to the Rav’s house. The Rav gave my husband a bracho, he said we should only adopt a Jewish child and we should continue treatment. I very much wanted to adopt through a certain agency but there were no Jewish babies. It must have been difficult for our parents and siblings to see us in this trying situation. I appreciated my sister-in-law calling personally and telling me she was pregnant, although it must have been very difficult for her. They knew we were having treatments but we didn’t tell them specifics or even the dates of the first nine IVFs. I think we wanted to spare them the pain of disappointment. It was easier for us to cope on our own without having to cope with their disappointment Our friends were supportive, even though they could not fully understand what we were going through. I especially appreciated the fact that they treated me as a normal person, and not somebody who had to be treated with kit gloves. They always included us in the family activities and we chose what we felt comfortable to join in. Relatives, neighbors, and colleagues on the whole were generally sensitive. The challenge is answering innocent questions posed by strangers such as, “How many children do you have?” I felt worse for the person asking than for myself. I would spend the next fifteen minutes explaining that it is a natural question and they had not hurt me by asking it. The more meaningful reaction was the countless number of people who were hearing the answer who said that they would ‘daven’ for us. The only social situation, which was really stressful, was being a ‘kvater’ at a bris [passing the baby at the bris to the ritual circumcisor/mohel is an auspicious practice to conceive]. However we never passed this up. As the successive treatment failed, alternative treatments of questionable halachic status were suggested, but we could not accept them neither on a halachic nor an emotional basis We felt we were at an impasse. “You must meet my uncle,” exclaimed a former student, explaining that her uncle, a respected Torah scholar, was an expert on fertility treatments. Her words came at a time that we were dealing with the reality of stopping treatments. Should I make the call? Could he really help us? I called and later that evening we found ourselves sharing our medical history with a distinguished-looking man clad in rabbinic garb. His manner was both professional and caring as he asked for medical details. At this point he declared, “You may think you are young, you may even look like you are young but your body is not”. I was 37 years old at the time. He then proceeded to outline for us exactly what we should do including what particular procedure should be used. He told us that he would make all the initial appointments. Something in his manner propelled us to follow his directives. He followed the case along, calling me and supervising progress. Who is this man, and why was he so devoted to my case? Apparently, he had amassed information on fertility, possibly based on his own personal experience, and because he genuinely feels the pain of a couple going through this challenge. He feels it is a sacred obligation to do all he could to assist countless couples along their quest. Somehow everything was different with this IVF before my son was born. We were at a new clinic. It was in a different city, my husband accompanied me to every visit to the clinic. This wasn’t necessary in previous treatments. I went to the clinic and then went to work. Also this time we told family and close friends that we were having a treatment. I set up my own mishmeret of shmeras Halashon [a program to eliminate gossip in her community]. A special atmosphere permeated the shul that Rosh Hashana. No doubt everyone had something to pray for. I davened like I had never davened before. Just the previous day, I had undergone yet another IVF implant, under the direction of my new clinic. On a medical level, chances were slim. But I had just spent the month of Elul learning at a women’s seminary, and felt that spiritually ready for Rosh Hashana. Was there a possibility of success this time? I turned my energy upward and appealed to Hashem, the All-Merciful One. The days passed slowly, as we found ourselves in the familiar situations waiting the results of the pregnancy test, praying for success but also bracing ourselves for disappointment. The minutes dragged. Part of me wished that time could be sped up and we could phone immediately. Another part wished that time could be frozen so that we would not have to face another disappointment. This was our tenth IVF. We had invested so much in this treatment. Before the appointed time, the phone rang. My husband answered immediately recognizing the voice of the nurse. She asked for me, and then pronounced the long awaited words, “You’re pregnant, girl!” Was I prepared? Could one be prepared for a gift of such magnitude? I had hoped and prayed for this day for over a decade, not knowing whether I would ever arrive at to this point. My life shifted into a different gear. Caution was in order and I was told to take it easy. And take it easy I did. I arranged for the best in medical care, as well as attending birthing classes. When I was 12 days past my due date, it became apparent that a c-section was required. The hospital would not induce on a previous uterine scar, which I had earlier in my life. Also, today was elective cesarean day. If I didn’t do it today, I would have to wait 2 more days and be fit in towards the end of the day, after orthopedics and others. Honestly, I was so ready emotionally to have this baby. Others may have done it differently but I didn’t want to wait longer and I didn’t really want to go through labor at this point. At 38 years old, I wanted to just see my baby. Right or wrong, that’s what we opted to do. So, on a pleasant summer day, a few months after our 12th anniversary, we were blessed with a most beautiful baby boy. It is impossible to describe our elation. My husband called everyone we knew all over the world. I could not sleep for a week. I wanted to hold the baby all the time. I had made sure he was safe. The hospital staff was understanding, allowing me to ignore the standard routines. I set aside my normally reserved demeanor and I proceeded to share my good news with everyone. This together with the surgery, lack of sleep and the endless discussions about the bris, were all very emotionally draining. The bris was a very moving, with family friends and colleagues participating as if our simcha was their own. When my son was six months old I began thinking of the possibility of having another child. I didn’t want him to have to be an only child. But dare I ask H-shem for another miracle? Motivated by my desire for my son’s happiness I contacted the clinic again. Again we proceeded with treatments, but my whole state of mind was different. I did not come home to an empty house after each visit. I came home to a gurgling baby, happy to see me. Although the stress level was lower, the roller coaster of emotions began again. Could it possibly work? I was older, but I had successfully carried a given birth to a live baby. I appreciated the doctor’s honesty when he did not give me any false hope. Again the day arrived and we waited anxiously for the results of the pregnancy test. There was no early phone call, definitely a negative result. We waited patiently for the designated phone time. With trembling hands I called, surprising my doctor who answered the phone. I said who was calling and he said, “Mazel tov.” We could not believe the kindness of H-shem; another miracle. I could not take it easy, I had an energetic baby to take care of. Thanks to him I went into the second c-section in much better physical shape than the first. I thought of names for my son’s soon to be playmate, began to plan a bris assuming all along that it would be a boy. Imagine our elation when we were blessed with a beautiful little girl to complete our family. Now, five years later, I try to be constantly appreciative of my precious treasures and try never to take them for granted. I aim to be the perfect parent, and feel guilty when I am not. Being an older parent has lots of plusses and lots of challenges, but I am grateful for the way our children have changed our lives. We are extremely grateful for the many medical professionals as well as family and friends who were always there for us. One nurse was particularly caring, making herself available whenever I needed her. She helped me with all my medical needs but in addition was a source of tremendous emotional support. Her strong emuna and bitachon gave me the courage to cope with the treatment. I value her friendship to this day. I see great siyata dishmaya [Divine intervention] in every step on our long journey to parenthood. How has my whole experience affected me? Although I would have never chosen this path, I see how our marriage and we have grown from our challenges. I try to have greater sensitivity to others going through difficult times. We continue to see the G-d’s hand guiding us in all aspects of our lives and our children. We are eternally grateful to Him for our twofold treasure. We pray that we will be able to raise our chidren to be a true Ben and Bas Yisroel [son and daughter of the Jewish people]. Generally I don’t dispense advice. However, since I have crossed the bridge and am now a mother women have asked me to give them: Suggestions of what to say to a neighbor, a friend, relation who is childless. 1. I tell them there is no magic formula which is right for everybody, and even if you say the right thing you may say it the wrong time. 2. If you can, try to include them in your life but give them the space for their privacy. I have learnt that you can have a close supportive relationship with somebody even if you don’t share intimate information. 3. Try to see where the person is terms of your children. It is wonderful if a natural bond develops but you can’t force it. 4. Don’t try to tell your children not to ask where their children are, children ask. And don’t be embarrassed when they do, it is a perfectly normal question. If it is difficult for the person to answer tell your children that they should daven that soon this person will be a mommy. 5. If you notice, I was the one who was always getting support. There are two members in a couple; husbands need support too. This is more complicated because in general men don’t seek support or give emotional support the way women intuitively do. Invite the couple over and try to encourage your husband to develop a friendship. It is unlikely that the husband will discuss anything related to the infertility but he will appreciate the warmth of a friendship. What would I suggest to childless couples. 1. Find a Rabbi who you are prepared to follow his psak [ruling], and who is knowledgeable as possible concerning aspects of infertility treatments. When you go ask a sheilo [question] make sure that you present all the relevant information. ” 2. If you choose the medical route, find the best medical treatment available. 3. Look for support groups. Other people are a source of important information. 4. Try to give yourselves mechanisms of coping when things get rough, as they do. Pamper yourselves go out for dinner. 5. Don’t feel obliged that you have to share what you are going through but if you can find the right person it helps. 6. Prepare tactful answers for insensitive questions. Don’t let yourself get hurt by tactless comments. Judge these people favourably; they have no means of understanding the depth of your pain. 7. Avoid situations that are painful but don’t exclude yourself from society. 8. Be a source of support for one another. ” Pray, having faith that your prayers will be answered 9. Do all the hishtadlos [efforts] necessary, physical as well. Slim, healthy women have a higher chance of fertility being successful. 10. Don’t put your life on hold. See yourself as a whole person waiting for your little pikadon [deposit]to be delivered bezrat H-shem. *IVF, in vitro fertilization, the fertility treatment that eventually worked for us, entails surgical removal of a woman’s eggs, fertilizing them in the laboratory setting, and implanting them in the woman’s womb. It is an uncertain process, since there are some many variables at different stages of the procedure. Thank G-d; we have two beautiful children resulting from this process.

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JewishMom — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 11:07:58 +0000


That same daughter who caused me years of hardship and embarrassment is today pure sweetness