A Non-Mother's Day PART TWO

This week I received this letter from a Jewish woman struggling with infertility in response to the article “A Non-Mother’s Day.” I thought this woman’s response and spiritual view of her own infertility was quite incredible…

Shalom Chana,

I am a woman who also has had difficulties with having children and want to share my thoughts with you about the article “A Non-Mother’s Day” if you don’t mind.

Every time i see a pregnant woman, especially since we live in an observant community and thank G-d we see a lot of them, i ask Hashem to bless her with a healthy baby and that she should have nachas etc.. (I write this since the writer of “A Non-Mother’s Day” said in her article that the sight of a pregnant woman ruins her day).

For me, even though i don’t have children of my own, the sight of a pregnant woman brings me life, to see that Hashem’s miracles are happening every day. OK, unfortunately those miracles aren’t happening for me personally at the moment, but HASHEM’s world is working the way He wants!

The sight of a pregnant woman is the most beautiful thing, the sight of a mother nursing her baby is the most beautiful thing. Of course it hurts, not because SHE has and i don’t. No, thank G-d she has and i wish i had too. But because Hashem doesn’t want. it’s about HASHEM not me. It’s not easy. It’s hard, but it’s HASHEM’s world.

As the author said in her letter about the Octomom etc. we have to understand that no other mother takes away the child (the soul) that i am supposed to have. If Octomom has 8 children, she has merited to bring 8 souls into this world, but that doesn’t take anything away from me!!

Somehow i feel that i have transformed my pain into a blessing. i definitely have my tough moments, but I have faith in Hashem that Hashem decided for me not to have children. Maybe i already had children before this gilgul [incarnation] and in a previous life i had brought down the souls that i needed to bring into the world already. Maybe i am doing some not correct things so that doesn’t let me merit to have a child physically.

Of course, being in shuls and grocery stores and feeling some women feeling sorry for me, i believe that Hashem has given this hard situation to deal with to ME, and that means that i am a stronger person, and maybe have a higher (not in a bolstering way) soul that can deal with Hashem’s tests.

Of course, we all say Hashem shouldn’t test us with these kinds of tests, but when he does then you’ve got to dig in deep and feel Hashem’s trust in you. Hashem is telling you: “My dear daughter, you are a queen. i know it’s hard but you are stronger than all of these tests. You are closer to Me. I have given a hard test to you but you are my special soul, trust in me. When Moshiach comes you will experience immediate childbirth and you will be blessed with many.”

I want so much to belong to the “Jewish Mom’s Club” even though i am not, so i signed up for your emails a while back. i am sure i am a mommy in many ways spiritually to a lot of my friends kids, they love me and listen to me, and also G-d willing one day i will be a Jewish mommy too, when Moshiach comes. i wanted to be connected and feel good about things that you share with moms.

And by the way, i have to tell you that somehow i feel your love for all the Jewish moms and non-moms even through your emails…

with much love
Shabbat Shalom
Devorah bas Sarah

Photo courtesy of Flickr.com user Eole


  1. Dear Devorah bas Sarah,
    May HaShem bless you with children.
    I am in awe of your openness and acceptance and daven that you too will merit to be a mother one day soon.
    Until that ay comes, you should continue to have strength to pass all tests that HaShem puts you through.
    Much love and blessings for a good Yom Tov,

  2. What a tremendous tikkun, from sadness to acceptance, rising above the pain and not being swallowed up by it. The description of Hashem’s faith in her is empowerment through love, important to carry with us when Hashem puts us in difficult situations. I am reminded of a saying I saw “If G-d brings you to it He will bring you through it”. Also, I appreciated learning the idea that each woman has her own neshamot to bring down – so that we shouldn’t be so obssessed with comparing family sizes.

  3. yehudis chana

    What a beautiful way to start my morning on the cusp of receiving the Torah! I am in awe…you have taught me a great lesson about the inner strength a Jewish woman is capable of, not just to overcome tests, but to transform them–thank you, Devorah bas Sarah.

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