The Rebbetzin of Toldos Aharon's Advice for Moms


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This past Shabbat, I entered a parallel dimension. And I liked it there. A lot.

A friend invited me to join her at the weekly women’s third meal hosted by the Rebbetzin of Toldos Aharon in Meah Shearim. Before the meal, I thought I would be lucky if I would even be able to get a peek of the Rebbetzin through the crowd. But when we arrived at her apartment, not only did the Rebbetzin herself open the door, at the informal, intimate Seuda Shlishit that followed, the Rebbetzin sat next to me for the whole meal!

It was definitely, definitely an experience I will NEVER forget.

First of all, a little bit about the Toldos Aharon Rebbetzin. She was born in Germany after the war, then moved to England as a very young girl, and then later to Monsey, NY in order to marry her husband who was the son of the former Toldos Aharon Rebbe. When the Rebbetzin’s father-in-law passed away 13 years ago, they moved to Meah Shearim so her husband could take over as the Rebbe.

The Rebbetzin is an incredibly kind, pure, and modest human being who feels tremendous love for the Jewish people. Despite her important position, she is the kind of person you would never notice if you passed her on the street. I have noticed this about other people of very exalted spiritual nature as well. They are so humble, so modest, so down-to-earth, so self-effacing that you might not even realize that they are, in fact, spiritual giants.

During our conversation, I asked the Rebbetzin a question about the Meah Shearim mothers. I asked, “So many of the mothers in this community have many children spaced close together. How do they do it?”

Here was the Rebbetzin’s answer*:

First of all, I have learned in my life that everything, everything, everything is attitude. I see women who only have two children but they suffer terribly because they feel like they are “locked in” when they have another child. They focus on how difficult being a mother is. And then I see another women who has 12 children but she is a very happy person, because she has a positive attitude. Pregnancy is difficult for most women. The first 4 months can be especially tough when you feel so sick. But a woman with the right attitude will say, “I am having another child! Every child makes me a richer woman!”

Secondly, I have seen in my life that you never ever get something for nothing. Everything you get in this life, you have to work for it. And the difficulties of pregnancy and giving birth and raising a child are the price we must pay in order to have these children who bring us so much nachas.

Thirdly, something that really helps mothers is focusing on the idea that tomorrow will be a better day. She reminds herself: “Today is a tough day, but tomorrow will be better.”

As you can hear, I thought the Rebbetzin was totally amazing. When I told her how much chizuk and encouragement she had given me, she encouraged me to visit her in the future.

So I hope to be sharing more of the Rebbetzin’s wisdom with you in the months to come…

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*These were her ideas as I remember them. This is not a word-for-word transcription.

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  1. Life Is What We Make It « Thoughts of Another Jewish Mother - [...] I read a post on discussing advice from a Rebbetzin in a community where large families are the norm.…

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