The Betrayed Wife (14-Minute Mommy Peptalk)

The Betrayed Wife (14-Minute Mommy Peptalk)

Some words of encouragement for my friend, a Jewish MOM of 8 small children, who was just betrayed and divorced by her husband.
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7 comments

  1. Susan Krupman

    Remember to empathize with what she is struggling with RIGHT NOW and give her HANDS ON Support as much as you can.

    • Tell your friend she has much to be happy about. She did the right thing by getting divorced . I got a heter not to go to mikva any more after the birth of my 8th child. At the time he was actually living seperately in a second apartment in Germany and Switzerland. I do not know until today how many female friends he had. I do know that most of them were professional callgirls. We lived in Switzerland, where prostitution is legal. To make a long story short, I chose to protect my 8 children – the oldest was 19 and chasidish. For the next 20 years I not only lived primarily alone, mainly out of the Jewish frum area , and on a tight budget, but he would come for every yom tov. At the last minute, as usual, and sit at the head of the table. The only request I made was thqat if he is michalel Shabbos, he should not make kiddush for me . Mainly he only came for YOm Tov.
      All this was a tragic mistake. I protected the kids which worked against me. I never told them the truth about their father. When the baby got engaged and I said, o.k let’s get divorced, he just ignored me. His policy in life had always been “everyone has his (her) price”. Mine was my children. Today, I have a get, only because when he came to Israel for our granddaughter’s wedding, I finally realized that he was not going to give me a get. I took away his passport and told him to pick it up by the Rabbanut in Jerusalem. He walked into a trap. My oldest son, who did believe me came to be the wittness that he is so and so the son of so and so. I got a get but he took my apartments, the ones I worked alone for 10 years to built, stole my pension etc. The worst was yet to come. I was helped by the Swiss people who bought my last apartment. He put a lean on it and had me sign all sorts of papers. All I cared about was that I should have a kosher get. I have it, but I quickly learned that my one and only daughter – who lives with him and her husband – in the apartment that was on my name – is with her father openly. Her children are not allowed to talk with me. I actually raised them since she was psychologically too ill to take care of them when they were small. Today I understand that he abused her as a young girl – traveling with her behind my back.
      Some of the children I adored and made a happy Jewish home for, married women who encouraged them to go with the money and not get involved!! He comes to Israel from Dusseldorf for every Yom Tov and wedding. They dance the mitzva tanz with him and he wears the shtreimel I asked him to put on by the first son’s wedding. I said to him :you are faking it anyone, so what difference does it make?”

      Little by little I started talking and finding out more and more about his double life.
      So bless Hashem every day that you got your children away from him.
      Yesterday my 3th son’s daughter got engaged to a grandson of the Wishnitza Rebba. Yes, I have nachus, but in the 9 years since I got my get, no one speaks up for me or even speaks me a shidduich. I have no idea how he got these children to be so distant from me. Baruch Hashem I have continued to build a life of chesed and simcha. Still, seeing your post at this special Friday, I felt I had to put in my 2 cents. I wish I could help other girls in such situations. No one should be in my shoes although I am certain that Hashem is with me.

  2. Tragic story, especially for the children.

    1. No need to mention the mistress’ race. Homewreckers come in all races and religions.
    .
    2. Your friend needs to get in touch with her inner (not nice person) and get herself an attorney. A real shark. Tell her to start here: http://www.safela.org/legal-assistance/

    Family Violence Project/Jewish Family Services, Sherman Oaks, (818) 505-0900.

    Even though your friend is not specifically in a domestic violence situation (bli ayin hara), the legal remedies that she seeks are basically the same. She needs to sue him IMMEDIATELY for child support and alimony. If she needs to, she can file a complaint with the California State Bar Association, because by abandoning his family, this lawyer has committed a crime of moral turpitude, and his license to practice may be in jeopardy. See http://www.calbar.ca.gov/Attorneys/LawyerRegulation/FilingaComplaint.aspx for details.

    Two more critical items for your friend:

    1. She must document EVERYTHING beginning with the first time she began to suspect something was amiss.

    2. She must never, NEVER badmouth this man to the children. No matter how angry or frustrated she gets, she must refrain from sharing her displeasure with the children. This will not only earn her MUCH olam haba, but will help her gain the respect and admiration of the judges she’ll be dealing with in the future.

    I’ll be thinking of her when I davin.

  3. In case the friend this video was made for is reading the comments:
    whatever the identity or the looks of your ex-husband’s girlfriend, I have no doubt that
    you are already and will always be the winner in this family dynamic,
    and that you are the beautiful woman of the two– inside and out.

  4. I’m not sure that your Rebbetzin friend wasn’t able to be a true example to others before going through such hardships. People are ALWAYS going through things regardless of whether or not we see it superficially and the news is in the tabloids.
    And also–is there really a winner/loser in this scenario? Hashem rewards your LA friend for every moment of her struggle, of overcoming hardship, of having patience with her children. What her ex does with his life is his own personal olam habba issue. Who knows what kind of yetzer hara he has dealt with for years? This deed is definitely bad, but I’m not sure we can judge any person on the winner/loser scale, for the “hidden things are seen only to G-d,” and I think that thinking that “in the long run you will beat him” only continues the harboring of resentment and anger, which doesn’t help any1, really. I believe the main focus should be chizzuk in knowing Hashem is with her in this nissayon, and tailored it to specifically to her, somehow for the best. That Hashem gives nisyonot only to those who have the strength to bear them. Irregardless of any comparisons to others.

  5. hi,
    my aunt and uncle run an organization from their home that helps out over 1,000 families in LA, who are struggling. she helps w/ money, food , clothes and e/t else. please email me and i can forward you their contact info. thanks!

  6. oy, AMEN!!!

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