My Daughter’s Rejection and Acceptance

My Daughter’s Rejection and Acceptance

When I made yesterday’s peptalk about kids getting rejected from schools, I was certain that I was making that peptalk to comfort OTHER parents whose kids would be getting rejection letters.

My daughter was, for sure, going to be accepted to the schools she applied to. But in the end, JewishMOMs plan and G-d laughs.

So last night AND this morning I watched my own peptalk to cheer myself up (surprisingly, it actually helped:).

B”H, my daughter WAS accepted into her 2nd choice, which I’ve heard is a great school. Maybe even a better fit for my daughter. Though with one or two serious drawbacks.

But it does sting. To have people, like, feel sorry for me and my “poor daughter.” And it doesn’t make things any easier that ALL of my daughter’s friends were accepted to her top choice. And it’s also embarrassing to be the subject of curiosity…”Hmm, she wasn’t accepted. Weird, she seems like such a great girl! I wonder what’s the matter with her!?”

So I called my friend this morning to vent. And after listening and empathizing, she made the following outrageous suggestion: to spend a few minutes over the next few days thanking Hashem that he accepted all these other girls. Really working, deep down, on feeling happy for them.

“You can choose to be a higher person,” my friend assured me this morning, “This is a true, real-life self-improvement course! A crash course in humility and empathy for others facing disappointment.”

So that’s what I’m trying to do. I’m working on feeling really happy for these other overjoyed girls and their overjoyed and relieved parents.

I realize that this work, for me, actually feels like returning a favor. To all the people who danced at my wedding, or wished me mazal tov at my kiddushes and brises and bat mitzvahs–when they would have preferred to stay in bed and mourn the fact that they weren’t celebrating simchas of their own.

And also, this attempt to feel happy for others who got what I wanted but didn’t, feels uncomfortable, unnatural, yet also surprisingly good. Cleansing sort of. Not only talking about emuna–blah blah blah. But actually living it.

Postscript
I finished up this post right before my daughter came home from school today. I was pretty shocked when she came home very excited that she will be attending (what was until a few hours ago) her 2nd choice school, and happy for her friends who will be attending what was (until a few hours ago) her 1st choice.

They’re all out now celebrating with ice cream sundaes. Amazing how much we can learn from our own children. I’m so very, very proud of her!

11 comments

  1. Wow- the chinuch principle of if you want your kid to fix something first fix it in yourself. It really worked for you!

  2. Chana you are amazing!
    Your children are privileged to be enrolled in the best possible educational facility: the Weisberg home!

  3. Nechama koren

    You are amazing Chana Jenny! BTW I have only see the opposite work. Those that don’t get into “first” choice and then have to look elsewhere end up being really happy with what is now their first choice school. Hashem guides us to where we need to be.

    • Nechama Koren

      ps and has rachmanut on those of us who have nisayanot in other areas and lets this one be a little easier, BH.

    • JewishMom

      thanks nechama:) I visited moriah’s 2nd choice today, and it seems like a remarkably good place for her.

    • Or how about the time I went on a first date with someone and came home convinced it was the person I was going to marry! Well, he didn’t want to go out a second time. But BH for me because a few months later I met my husband and he is FOR SURE the right one for me!

  4. Chana Jenny, this is really a very painful and difficult experience. I know because I have gone through it several times myself. The truth is that being on the after side of those events I can obviously see how Hashem was running the show and the schools where my children did wind up were actually THE BEST for them personally. Although I look ahead to my next school acceptance phase with great trepidation I know from a very deep and honest place that Hashem clearly chooses my children’s schools and like everything else HE does it perfectly!

    I bless you that you should achieve such a level of clarity too!

  5. I live in America so this whole concept of applying to high school is very foreign to me… but it reminds me of my college experience. I would have been 4 years older than your daughter when I was dealing with the acceptance/ rejection letter business and it was still hard.
    May many blessings flow in upon you and her as you look for the good and enjoy the plan HaShem has for you!
    In my own life, I also saw how the place where we want to go isnโ€™t always the best fit and in the end I transferred colleges anyway!
    Much nachas!

  6. In light of the recent college admissions bribery scandal with American universities, the above mentioned struggles, albeit difficult, are thankfully honest and fair. Imagine the vast difference there is between what your daughter experienced and got from this – and what their daughters experienced in their situations. Their parents apparently thought so little of their daughters, they believed they had to bribe their way into the desired school. Your daughter has you, JewishMom, to remind her of her worth, her abilities, her accomplishments. And you are there for her to encourage and guide, and she will be so well-equipped for life!

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