Rules for a Happy Marriage?

Rules for a Happy Marriage?

We Weisbergs have been under lockdown since Rosh Hashana. Part intense family bonding, part way too close for comfort. .
So when I heard about Jewish Workshops’ “Recharge Your Marriage” seminar featuring leading rabbis, rebbetzins and marriage counselors, I signed up.
And it’s just what the pandemic ordered. I’ve been loving every class and learning a lot from every speaker.
But I’ve also noticed something kind of disturbing. The speakers contradict one another–to the extreme.
One says: Never ever fight in front of your kids. Another says: Every married couple should fight in front of their kids.
One says: Tell your husband what you admire about him. Another says: Never compliment your husband.
One says: Compromise is the key to a happy marriage. Another says: Don’t compromise.
And these contradictions had been leaving me with a sunken feeling. As though, no matter how much I learn and how hard I try, I will never ever get it right!
And then a story popped into my head from many moons ago.
22 years ago, I was in the hospital following the birth of our oldest child, Hadas. And one day she was crying and crying for a long time and I had no idea how to calm her down.
And then a kind nurse came into my room and announced, “You need a break! Go eat your meal and I’ll take care of your baby.”
When I returned a little bit later, Hadas was sound asleep.
“How did you possibly manage to calm her down!? She had been hysterical!”
“Oh, it was no big deal. In the nursery they’d given her a plastic pacifier and I realized she prefers rubber.”
And this explanation filled me with a sense of impending doom. Because there was NO WAY I would have figured that out on my own. If I had been on my own, my baby would have cried and cried FOREVER!
But then we took Hadas home. And it wasn’t always easy. We had so many questions. But Hadas taught us that just as we had many questions, there are also many answers.


  1. Chana Jenny, you remind me of my one marriage rule.

    this is the ONLY rule that applies across the board to all marriages at all times:

    Know your man.

  2. Wow that’s a good one!

  3. Ha! Yes, very good!

  4. Chana Jenny, once again, you have shared your gift of finding pearls of wisdom in every day life. Thank you!

  5. My beloved and I had “3 Rules for a Happy Marriage”.

    1. When having an argument or a heated discussion, the person who is right must apologize immediately.

    2. We must make each other laugh at least once a day.

    3. Relationships are like living in southern California – if you find a fault, don’t dwell on it.

    Each rule has an ‘explanation’ but mull them over – first. If I find my way back to this site, I’ll share the explanations.

    In 2010, I visited a small shop in Tsafat. Shalom.

    • the third one is my favorite! I’m not clear on the first one, did you mean to write that the person who is wrong must apologize?

  6. No, the person who is right! Because then they both apologize right away cuz everyone thinks they’re right! I like it:)

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