If Marriage is So Hard, Why Bother? by Sara Chana Radcliffe
If one’s spouse doesn’t supply happiness, what is the point of being married? For some people, there is no point. For others, there are many points: someone who has your back for a lifetime (even if they routinely fight and argue with you), someone to raise a family with, someone to share burdens and responsibilities with (emotional, financial, physical aspects of life, parenting, etc.), someone to enjoy intimacy with, someone to build a legacy with, someone to partner with on a spiritual journey, someone to grow old with, someone to grow with and, someone (imperfect and flawed) to love. Ya, some people want that stuff.
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Unfortunately some of us weren’t so lucky. We thought that’s what marriage would hold for us but we were dismayed to discover that marriage held new depths of pain and loneliness.
I’m sorry to hear how much pain you went through…
I love this. It goes entirely against the flawed secular thinking of today, which leads to so much misery for adults and children alike, and it’s beautiful.
Many times over the past 32 years of our marriage, I thought to myself – are my husband and I building something together? We never formally discussed what legacy we want to hand down to our children.
Now that our kids are adults, I see that we actually did hand down a legacy, just by being the people we are.
I feel closer to my husband as we watch our adult children. We enjoy our nachas together.
wonderful!
I think for most orthodox Jews marriage is fulfilling, but for others, like myself, it feels like a fixing, a tikkun, a burden. And it’s been 20 years, and it’s been the same all the way thru. There are certain reasons I need to stay in it for now, but in the near future, I want to get divorced. You only go around the sun once. You only live once.