The 3-P Test

The 3-P Test

I haven’t been getting along with one of my daughters recently, and this afternoon I was feeling down about it. About how I’m a bad mother. And I dislike my child. And she’s always angry at me no matter what I do. And how this situation is dismal and hopeless.
And then I did the “3-P test.” I read about the “3-P test” in Brene Brown’s new book Atlas of the Heart in which she explains that the reason people get sad is because of the 3 Ps.
They think a problem in their life is:
Pervasive: Is infecting and destroying every aspect of their lives so there’s nothing good left anywhere in any corner of their lives.
Personal: Is all my fault.
Permanent: Permanent
So I went through the 3 Ps and realized that this problem with my daughter is not Pervasive. I still have others aspects of my life, even my parenting life, which are fine and bring me joy.
And it’s not Personal, at least not only. Because there are factors leading to the tensions between me and my daughter that have nothing to do with me. Related to her age and hormone levels and summer-vacation boredom and these 3 weeks of mourning when we are more prone to interpersonal tensions and conflict.
And Permanent? Nah. It might be upsetting. DIsappointing. Infuriating, even. But not permanent.
And after going through the 3 Ps I felt like a cloud lifted from my heart. And when I got home a few hours later, my daughter seemed so much nicer than when I had left:)

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