Now, at 44 years old I Wonder if I Made a Mistake by not Having Children by Maayan Poplevsky (Ynet.co.il)
I never thought that I’d be a mom. I was your classic care-free “child-free” gal.
As the years went by, I saw many happy couples that settled down and became families.
Sometimes I found myself becoming jealous of them. But soon enough I reminded myself that bringing kids into this world is a huge lifelong headache and constant worry. And why should I cause those children future pain, knowing that our time in this world is limited. Isn’t it better to avoid such heartbreak?
Years went by. Today I’m 44 and still child-free. Am I not living a wasted life? Would a boy or girl in my image, a healthy and loving family, would they have given meaning to my life? Suddenly, a little girl in my image, a mini-me, sounded exciting. Like a wonder of creation.
And suddenly, the bitter acknowledgement that I don’t have that, I’m alone in this world. I can be in a great relationship, but it’s clear that by being a “non-mother,” I’m alone in this world. I do have parents and relatives and a few good friends, but that doesn’t come close to having a family of my own.
And this realization that’s suddenly hit me feels like the sky itself has fallen down on me. Who will stand by my side to take care of me in the future? Who will care about me when I get old? Does anybody consider me a top priority?
It’s true, children are not an insurance policy, and even when there are kids, nothing guarantees their help, involvement and love. The distance between a parent and a child can be endless, but still…there’s a worldwide human formula: The parent takes care of his child and when the time comes, if everything goes according to plan, the roles reverse and the child takes care of his parents.
It looks like my formula is missing on both sides. I didn’t become a mom and because of that I have no child to take care of, which means that when the time comes, when I’m in need, when I’m older, I won’t have a DNA address to count on. This is my life, my reality- no explanation or reasoning about the advantages of being “child-free” can save me now from the life sentence I’ve chosen for myself.
this is so sad. Unfortunately this is the reality for many women. I have an aunt who is 70. She is a healthy, beautiful, and kind woman who volunteers at many places. She often says that “by choice” she did not get married and did not have children. But I see her loneliness at age 70 and have no doubt that she regrets that choice.
Raising children is one of the hardest things. But children are also the greatest source of nachas and happiness! As one Rabbi put it, ask a parent what is the cause of most of your worries – the parent will answer “my child(ren).” Ask the parent what is the cause of most your happiness, the same parent will answer “my child(ren).”