Tu b’Av Chizuk for Older Singles and their Mothers
[After years of praying that this will finally be the year that my oldest daughter will find her husband and get married, Tu b’Av is getting harder every year. It’s getting harder to keep davening. It’s getting harder to attend the Tu b’Av simchas of couples younger than my daughter.
With that said, I want to share something I read a few months ago in Reb. Shira Smiles’ incredible book Arise and Aspire which has given me tremendous chizuk as the mother of an older single. And regarding all the things that I’ve been davening for for so long, that haven’t happened yet.
[Every single morning, I meditate on Reb. Smiles’ take on the blessing “She’Asa Li Kol Tsarkee,” and it consistently makes me feel more at peace. In my siddur, in summary, I have pencilled in the life-changing reminder: “When what we pray for is not granted, whatever we’re praying for is not what we need at this current time to carry out our Divine calling.”]
Here’s the original excerpt from Arise and Aspire by Reb. Shira Smiles:
‘We all desire many things, big and small. We believe, If only I had x, I’d be genuinely happier. We even put a frum spin on it and think If only I had x, I’d be happier and better able to serve Hashem. For some, the object of desire is material goods, like a bigger house or a newer car. For others, it is more abstract – a more caring spouse, a more obedient child, or a more fulfilling job. This brachah [“Blessed are You…Who made for me all of my needs” ברוך אתה ה’…שעשה לי כל צרכי] challenges us to reevaluate this attitude and access our core emunah, the belief that whatever we have at any given moment is what we need to serve Hashem in the best way we possibly can. If we truly needed something, Hashem would grant it to us.
“When you say this brachah, take a moment to reflect on what you have; realize the blessings with which Hashem has generously showered you! It is so simple to focus on what we lack; this brachah encourages us to look at what we possess and appreciate its abundance. It also allows us to consider that whatever we feel is lacking is not what we need right now to fulfill our role in creation…
“Hashem gave me everything I needed to become me. We are all created with a particular calling, and Hashem orchestrates every aspect of our existence so we can succeed in that mission. Whereas each of us is given a different set of strengths, talents and abilities, we are also provided with the distinctive environment, circumstances, situations and experiences we need. I can’t compare my life to anyone else’s since we each have the package specifically designed for our own success. We learn that one’s children, life and livelihood are dependent on her mazal. Contrary to popular perception, “mazal” does not mean random luck, rather it means a flow… Each of these gifts – children, life and livelihood- flows from Above according to each person’s specific character and task to accomplish.
“When you say this brachah, try to connect to this approach with joy: Hashem has granted me the exact tools I need today to accomplish what I must. “She’asah li kol tzarki” – I, with all that I have, can do what Hashem requires of me and be the person Hashem envisions me to be!
“In Summary
“*What I have NOW is what I need NOW…
“*My own set of circumstances was designed just for me.
“*I need my personal struggles to become my best self.
“*I have all the tools I need to fulfill my purpose.”
A vital reminder!