Do you Want to Have Another Child?

Photo courtesy of user Pink Sherbet Photography


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I just subscribed to a great blog I have really been enjoying called In her most recent post Ima2Seven discusses “The Conversation”– women talking about whether or not to have another child. Very interesting! Thanks to Chaya of Nachlaot for telling me about this blog!

Read “Another Baby?”

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  1. This made me feel so good! We always joked/wanted 15 kids. My third/youngest is now 4 months and I’m beginning to think I’m not cut out for this. But reading that mom of 7 say that she didn’t start out being patient and all that, made me feel so much better… I think we’ll keep on going b’ezrat Hashem.

  2. Anonymous Mother

    I have a very large by American standards family and I was OK until the middle kids became pre-teen and teen. I think this post is EXCELLENT in describing how you can, with two kids, have a lifestyle whereas with more than three, parenting IS your lifestyle.

    I am someone who needs quiet. I am an artist. I need time alone, as in a couple of hours every day, to relax my brain and I knit and draw– nothing professional, just stuff for myself and family. This isn’t a luxury– this is needed. I told my husband that if I needed a psychotropic that I was leaving him and the kids. I got to that edge and he suggested we put even the kids over 10 to bed at 8 or at least have them be quiet so I could unspool. If life gets crazy, I can go “cold turkey” from my down time for a few days, but you can’t go cold turkey from anti-anxiety drugs!

    Moms really need to think of these things as they go along their mothering journey!

  3. Thank you and thank you!

  4. A busy mom of six

    I can definitely relate to the anonymous mother above. I hear you, sister! My husband always wanted six…and we have six. It was easy when they were all under 11! It was busy, but manageable. But now I have two very “very” teenage daughters and they are so emotionally draining! The needs of the four ‘young’ ones doesn’t hold a candle to what goes into the older girls.
    My husband wants another child. My youngest is halfway thru kindergarten. We are both in our early 40s. The thought of starting over makes me miserable yet the thought of disappointing my hubby makes me equally miserable. The longer I hold off, the older we and the kids get, which just makes it even more difficult.
    I feel so stuck. I just don’t know what to do.
    Anyone been where I am?
    Busy mom of six

    • older mom of six

      I am a bit puzzled by this discussion because it is predicated on the belief that we can control whether or not Hashem sends us another neshama to take care of. We can certainly do our hishtadlus either way, but ultimately it is not in our hands. I have hormonal problems and after my second child I was told the only way would be Clomid. Yet I was blessed again (without Clomid!), and then three more times, and I am now the grateful mother of six. I would so, so very much have liked to have more, but I am now into my forties and it looks like Hashem has decided not to bless me again. As challenging as each pregnancy is, and each birth, and each child (yes, especially teenagers!!!), what a bracha to be honored with another person in one’s family. But don’t ever make the mistake of thinking it is our “choice” whether to have more children or not. It’s His choice. Our only choice is how accepting we want to be of His choice.

    • I am 46 and bh have been blessed to have 14 beautiful children. No, I am not the super mom type and if you would have told me that this was going to be 20 yrs ago I wouldn’t have believed it. Don’t ask me how I got here, but I guess I just trucked on. When you are in the midst of 6 you can’t imagine how you will manage, but you take one day a time and you just do it. Hashem does the rest. I am so glad that I never interfered in G-d’s plan, because I know I would regret it. It’s a miracle and it’s mind boggling, but it’s possible. My husband never pushed me, I was always the one wanting more. Even #14, I was getting older, but I really wanted another one. So, my advice though I don’t know your situation, but since you asked, is keep going, you will not regret it! There is nothing more beautiful than a baby. B”hatzlacha!

  5. Im a bit in martyr mode so I dont wont to sound like a husband hater, and I really do love my husband but -lets face it- they want and they get to enjoy because they dont do 1/2 of what you do to take care of them from 1 week gestational age -I mean! Look, I am greatful to be Jewish mom, you know, living by the Torah, so I am guided thru it all, but it is clear in all perspectives according to halacha that the mothers health comes first- health doesnt just mean that you are physically fit- I have 5 and they are close and nothing fits yet…but the last pregnancy I felt like I was loosing a bit of mental health- and in dealing with the day to day emotional side- that takes its toll as well…look we work so hard and even harder to feel guiltless and joyous along with pleasing our husbands- its true eshes chayil work…its nice that there are men that want kids and a large family, but there has to be a well founded, mentally stable woman who gets to fulfill her voids REGULARLY and who sees clearly what it will cost her – that along with prayer and bitachon that Hashem does it all with us, and keep them coming, but its a shame to not look deep and think it through.

  6. To A Busy Mom of Six-

    Gave birth to our sixth when I was 41. When he turned two, my husband wanted another one – babies are so cute and he really enjoys them. But he understood that I didn’t want another child at that point. He also realized that his own yearning for another baby in the house was not a good reason to have another child. Babies do grow up.

    It really has to be a joint decision – it’s a lifetime committment

  7. This article was very discouraging and negative in a lot of ways…a rarity for such a wonderful blog! I love babies and the only factor for me in the “conversation” is: can my body/mind handle another…not can i have a lifestyle?
    ALSO-date nights are crucial in a marriage! All you need is a good babysitter!dont knock it once you got 3

  8. p.s. why cant you maintain hobbies and identity as a mother of many children? I know tons and tons of women who can balance. In fact, many times the lifestyle helps mothers rejuvenate themselves

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