Breaking Free from My Abusive Husband by Anonymous (Passover Semifinalist #5)

Breaking Free from My Abusive Husband by Anonymous (Passover Semifinalist #5)

Welcome to our “My Personal Exodus from Egypt” Contest! Each day of Passover I will be posting a new semifinalist, and after Pesach one grand prize $100 winner will be chosen at random…

I left my abusive husband about 5 years ago — and boy, was I angry!

After finally coming to terms with the sorry fact of life that my ex-husband wasn’t going to ever make up to me for all those lost years; that he couldn’t and wouldn’t repent or even acknowledge all the pain and anguish he had caused – to me as well as to the children. And after I finally came to to terms with the fact that even the law wasn’t going to make him pay up for my anguish; that nothing, but nothing would ever be right ever again – I looked into the mirror and saw myself becoming a mirror image of… him!

There in front of my face was the long nose of making things sound worse than they really were, in the hopes of wrangling more money out of him. I could see the snarls of entitlement all over my own face, and the evil marks of anger around my own eyes.

And I realized I didn’t want to be enslaved anymore to him nor to his fits of anger – I didn’t even want to be enslaved to my own fits of anger towards him, however justified they might have seemed to be!

I didn’t want to be weighed down with my own resentment, however well-deserved.

I wanted to wipe all our slates clean and shiny, ready for a truly fresh new start. I wanted my children to see the power of forgiveness – hopefully, one day they will be empowered to forgive me as well, for all my own faults and weaknesses.

And, in this way, despite the injustices and suffering we had endured, I wanted to finally set all of us free from the suffering of our past. Truly free.

So I sent my ex an email of apology for my behavior. No, I don’t regret the divorce – not for one moment – but I did regret nurturing my anger. I’m not looking for reconciliation – I’d like to remain realistic. I’m setting my sights on maintaining minimum communication between the two of us especially about issues concerning the children, so they won’t be swept up into this combat zone for all time.

He is quite suspicious (well, he always was) but he’s willing to allow me to prove myself – and I thank G-d for that.

I know maintaining my dignity and my personal standards of behavior will ultimately be the most beneficial path for me and my kids.

All we need to do is to open an eye of a needle, and leave the rest up to Hashem.

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