My Challenging-Daughter Teshuva

My Challenging-Daughter Teshuva

I have a child who manages to press my buttons more than any other person in the universe (maybe because the things about her that bother me are the same things that make me cringe when I think of myself at her age…).
So this week, in preparation for Yom Kippur, I did the 4 steps of teshuva regarding my unfairly harsh treatment of this child. And something truly wonderful happened as a result.
But before I get to that, I want to explain the 4 steps of teshuva I said for her:
1. Admit a wrongdoing: This year I wasn’t as nice as I should have been to one of my children. This child might have acted badly, but my reaction on a pretty regular basis was overly critical and harsh.
2. Regret a wrongdoing: I regret the way I spoke to my child (which of course, as a side note, only made this child act even worse)
3. Commit to a plan: I commit this coming year to being a 1% better mother. 1% kinder. 1% more patient. 1% calmer. 1% more giving towards this child.
4. Verbally confess your wrongdoing to Hashem: Dear Hashem, I regret the way I treated my child. Please help me this year to be a better mother to this child and to all of my children.
The wonderful thing was that right after doing teshuva for the way I’d acted towards my daughter, all of a sudden the things that usually bother me about her seemed to evaporate. Over the days since then I’ve felt this effortless fondness and affection for her that usually I have to work to feel. I don’t know how long this teshuva afterglow will last, but even if it is fleeting, it shows me that the feelings I aspire to have towards her on a regular basis are within reach, IY”H.
Shana tova and gemar chatima tova!


  1. this is a wonderful gift, thank you chana jenny!
    I propose that we all immediately apply it–to ourselves! I think that most of us moms are super self-critical and not very nice to ourselves. so i suggest that we try improving how we treat ourselves. that will probably also positively impact on how we treat and see others…
    gmar chatima tova!!

  2. Very inspiring inded Chana Jenny, thank you for sharing.

    Here are some words of inspiration and chizuk:

    1)to all Jewish mothers who feel that they are not doing enough Teshuva or prayer when being home taking care of the children and don’t have time to pray.

    2)to all children whose heart is broken and/or feel lack of connection to Hashem and prayers

    3)To the Jewish nation:


    Yom Kippur Wipes out Your Sins Even if You Do Nothing at All but Do Teshuva Because Of This:

    May we all have a very blessed year and may we merit to meet very soon with the coming of Moshiach.

  3. Yocheved shull

    Beautiful. I asked one of my daughters for forgiveness and gave her a hug, and she just stayed in the embrace for about 5 minutes. It was such a special moment for both of us. I told her my kaballah this year was to give her more hugs bH.

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