An Eye-Opening Photo of Myself from 15 Years Ago

An Eye-Opening Photo of Myself from 15 Years Ago

Every morning, Google Photos picks out random family photos for me. I can see my daughter, the soldier, wearing a crown of flowers at her 6th birthday party in Gan Chana. I can see my oldest, today busy interviewing for graduate school, at the age of 8 being carried around like a queen on top of the clasped hands of her two younger sisters. I can see my oldest son, now 16 and almost 6 feet tall, at 2 months old, dapper in a Shabbat suit among his 4 adoring older sisters in matching pink dresses.

This morning, this photo popped up. And it was unusual, because it’s not just a photo of my kids. It’s a rare find. A photo of ME with my kids. 15 years ago.

If you would ask me to describe myself 15 years ago, the mother of 5 kids between the ages of 1 and 10, my mouth would fill up with negative adjectives as quickly as a pot of popcorn on a hot stove.
I would tell you I was:
Struggling with my kids.
Struggling with the house.
Seriously lacking me-time.
Seriously lacking enough moments in the day to hear myself think.

But looking at this photo, seeing myself smiling, in the center of my gang, I see a completely different person than I remember. All I see is a mom who is the center of her kids’ world. Their rock. Their light. Their unconditional, unwavering source of security and love.

And through this photo, through their eyes, I can see that too. I just wish I could have seen that 15 years ago. Rather than 15 years too late.


  1. Love this picture!!

  2. Savtaima

    I relate, as many, many of us Mothers do. We are our own most intensely terrible critics, trapped under that blaming magnifying glass called Perfection.
    This we internalize, when if we asked our offspring (we might be inclined to characterize them as our victims, lol), they’d gush with honest love and admiration, even with a dose of honest mixed memories at the same time. These sweet neshamelach will ALWAYS have your back, Jewish Mom!

  3. You look so happy, being with your kids.
    I know exactly what you mean, not feeling that way 15 years ago. When I see pictures of myself with my kids, I think – was I really as happy as I looked? It really is an eye opener, and an opportunity to see ourselves in a new light.
    Thank youso much for sharing.

Leave a Reply

Follow by Email