Happy Now or Never
I have an acquaintance named Sara* whose kids have been classmates with my kids over the years.
After we moved to Kiryat Moshe 10 years ago, every time I would see Sara at school events she would say, “We’re living now in Ramot, but If you hear of any apartments in Kiryat Moshe, please tell me! I really want to move.”
Around a year ago, Sara told me that they’d finally found an apartment and moved to Kiryat Moshe. I was happy for her, I had been beginning to wonder if she would ever move.
And then, today, I ran ino Sara on the street, and it came up in conversation that we’d lived in Nachlaot before we moved here.
And Sara responded, “I grew up near Nachlaot, I really want to move back there! I’m looking for an apartment if you hear of anything…”
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And this reminded me of something that I know but never really seem to get…
That there’s always something…
The thing I’m waiting for to be happy.
And when that thing happens, I for sure would be happy.
Over the years I’ve had so many of these:
When I finally have a son after 4 daughters I will be happy.
When I finally lose weight I will be happy.
When I finally move I’ll be happy.
When my kids are bigger, and I have more time to myself, I will be happy.
But each time, after I got what I wanted, before long I wasn’t happy again. Because by then I thought of something ELSE I needed to be happy.
And I think that in these extreme times this is also true.
When all the hostages are home healthy in body and spirit, I will be happy.
When we win this war/these wars, and we have secure borders, and all the soldiers are back home, I will be happy.
When all the injured soldiers are healed, I will be happy.
And (lehavdil) when my oldest daughter gets married, I will happy.
But I know it’s not true. If I’m not happy now. And I’m not able to be happy NO MATTER WHAT…
Even if there’s a war.
And even if there are hostages.
And even if there are injured soldiers in the hospitals.
And (lehavdil) even if my daughter remains single.
Then I will NEVER be happy.
Since there will always be something I feel is not OK. Something I do not have.
And I need to focus, instead, on the fact that there’s always so incredibly much I do:)
Love this, thank you!